I thought he was the one that got away but in reality, I was the one that got away.

I use to thank that he was the one who got away but with time and prayer i see that he was the one i should stay away from

I once had a man who came back into my life telling me that I was the one that got away...6 months later he ran away lol! I guess I didn't actually live up to the fantasy he created in his mind for the 7 or 8 years we didn't speak. Thanks for the clarity :)

You’re so right. I don’t even like him in real life, but I’m having the most exciting love affair in my mind. It’s being too optimistic in fantasy and not that optimistic in reality

Just last night I confessed my feelings for a beautiful woman who has been a great friend and companion. Alas, she didn't feel the same way (as I expected). I hesitated to bring this to resolution but I had to know. Today I'm on the floor and in bad shape but hopefully one day I can move forward. Thank you Susan. Your videos help me immensely.

Everything happens for a reason and its for our greatest good. Be grateful and learn from it.

My "one that got away"...we had known each other from when she worked at a local coffee shop. Somehow, through the years, even though life drew us apart at times, we would somehow run into each other. We would finish each other's sentences; give each other full, cuddly hugs in front of everyone at the store; or we'd pick up talking like we just spoke yesterday even though it may have been a week, a couple months, or in one case 2 years. Her coworkers and customers thought we were an item. So early last year I plotted my moves...subtle but I was going to do them. I felt secure with her; I'm not going to speak for her but I trusted it. Got her a Valentine's Day surprise which did take a bit of effort and plotting help from her coworkers (thanks, ladies). Everything was on that path. And then what happened to the world last March? Yep, CV. Business shutdowns where she lost that job and another mgmt position due to permanent business closure. I was very sad for her so I let her know if there's any way I could help or just to talk that I'm here (I'm considered "essential services" so my job never waned). So I'd text her about jobs, about how ya doin', etc. Nothing. It was difficult as could be to text, to talk, etc. One of her other-job coworkers said it is really hard to get a hold of her. But there was no other form of contact. I sent some more messages, spaced further and further apart...nothing. I'm still puzzled. On the surface we had a lot in common-she's way into the arts like me (her, film and books; me music). I thought like-minded souls could understand each other, so that was my reasoning for pursuit. But again, very sparse returned messages. Nothing. So I gave up. Why pursue this? I feel that if Covid hadn't hit, we would be a "we". She was scared of it. So I gave her that space. I have zero idea whether she's still in town or left, etc. No one at "our" lol coffee shop that worked with her is there anymore. And in going through some old papers the other day, I came across her phone number which she wrote with a smiley face and hearts. I'm going to start crying so I'm going to end it there. Sorry for taking so long to read.

"The One That Left" doesn't sound as poetic. Love your videos, thank you for helping make a dating world a better place, Lord knows we need all need that.

Susan is like a medicine cabinet of "tough pills to swallow". Hurts at first but gets you back on your feet.

Excellent video, as always, and a reminder of how easily we can fall into fantasy about someone. A previous video went into more depth about what can happen as a result of our social world becoming so small, or not knowing enough about a person so we imagine and assign our hopes and dreams into the blank spaces. The best advice you and other experts offer is to become the best version of oneself and move forward. If you need to lose weight, change your eating habits and go to the gym. Write a book that will help others and become a public speaker. Champion a cause that is close to your heart and become an expert or leader in that field. When you DO run into that person unexpectedly, he or she will realize that YOU are “the one who got away!” Peace and Blessings.

Sometimes I have to watch this video 10 times a week, other times I can go months without needing it. So glad to have you and your channel as a resource.

Josh, if you happen to ever watch this because you are thinking of me, please know I am also thinking about you. I miss you every day.

Often when we feel bad about a relationship its because we are resisting where that relationship is going, but trust that its actually pointing yourself in the right direction

If you didn't get closure, you probably encountered a narcissist. My life changed after I realized I had been used as a mirror. Whoever reads this, I hope you stop the sadness, and free yourself to find true happiness.

I thought I'd missed out on a great life with my ex for 6 years regretting our break up and questioning my decision making skills. Acting on it and reaching out to my ex then understanding that I had created a different version of him in my head and that's what I wanted not him was one of the most freeing things I have ever done.

I was in a relationship for 5.5 years and broke up with him. I spoke to him years later and realized that we had had a big misunderstanding. If I had known this, I would have never broken up with him. It was my mistake for not communicating with him better.

I held on to my "one that got away" for two years. We had a missed moment where he was flirting heavily with me at my farewell drinks, but my self esteem was very low as I had lost my job and hadn't found a new job yet. Finally, after starting therapy I decided to contact him. I told him I regretted that night and not acting on how I felt, and if he still felt the same way he should call me. He replied (very respectfully) that he was flattered but no longer felt that way. I have since started dating again and hit the "one that got away" all over again so this video is well timed, thank you Susan.

So true i was attached to a collegue for three years i built this illusions about him i fought i will never get over him i will never be able to love someone else till one day i saw the real him he wasent the men i wanted at all all the love i had for him was just gone in that moment i coulden't even beleive it i felt so free he sent me free and that felt good i was so happy

Love all your videos. Pragmatic and kind with lots of clarity. I recently had an experience like this and what helped me was to sit down with pen and paper and list all the negatives about this person. I realized I was addicted to the attention he was giving me. I was pursued up until the point I said OK let’s get together. He backed right off. I was criticizing myself and wondering if I had responded differently in the beginning would things have been better. By listing all the reasons I wasn’t drawn to him in the first place,I am able to let go. Thank you,thank you, thank you for being who you are.

Thank you. Been dealing with my anxiety since 2018, I am haunted by her thoughts and memories we had. And yes..I am living with fantasies of what ifs.

Thank you Susan... very timely. God Bless you. You are doing such a great job

I was 16 and the one that got away from me is a trick one. I started dating a girl for a few months, but the one that got away came in to my life just before, after a few months we ended up declaring our feelings for one another and we were on the edge of building something for a few years, but because I was dating someone else I ended up staying with that person for the last 10 years and not acting upon the one that got away. The one that got away has repetitively tormented me for the last 10 years, it’s been like a kick in the nuts when I have these periodical thoughts. My biggest regret is not seeing how that would have gone down.

I was thinking about this. Each twin flame journey is such a personal spiritual journey that it falls outside the expertise of Susan as a relationship coach although there is a lot to learn from her.

Excellent video. It is important to differentiate between an idyllic fantasy and a real, genuine love that is right for us.

It wasn't that it was perfect. It's that it was the only chance, and having regret. It's so rare to have that chance. So rare for someone to like me AND I like them. At least for me it is. For me, it is SO SO SO VERY RARE.

Hi Susan, I see your point of view. I also see that perhaps this as to do with unrequited love. Your example at the end, to touch reality will often open us up to who the unrequited love really was!

He lives rent free in my head for many year’s and he refuse to move out, 🤦‍♀️! Just can’t shake it!!!

I was responsible for pushing him away by an unintentional mistake at work ... no matter how i kept apologising he wouldn't forgive me and i still cannot forgive myself and cannot help thinking of him no matter what I do

I still think of a girl I was in love with in my twenties, iam sixty three now,every other ladys been second best,!love your channel.

That's my problem. My broken heart has a history of lasting about two years. I don't get over it very easy.

You are Awesome! I've watched a lot of videos in agony trying to find some sort of answers and in a matter of minutes you packaged it all up and brought me peace and solace. He didn't get away. I have! Thank You With All of my Heart!

I needed to hear this! Thank you so much for this. I’ve been very depressed because there was a big misunderstanding and he went with someone else. He’s now about to have a baby and just got married over the weekend while i sit here and think wow that could have been me if I would have just spent the extra time with him that he wanted. But it’s so true I’m living in the honeymoon phase still. Who knows how it really would have turned out.

Glad I found this video after having a dream about 'the one that got away' six years ago. Thank you for bringing me back to rationality.

You must be psychic! I have been thinking about "the one" for a few weeks now. I've reached out. The ball is in his court ;)

Oh my goodness so on time for me seeing this pop up in my feed. It's a year old but it's right where I am right now and so needed to hear this. You are such a blessing to me 😊❤️

Yes... I felt that for a long time. Still hurts when I see him..6 years later.

Always good to hear from Susan. I needed this today.

Thank you Susan.. for some reason the correct videos pop up on my feed every day that I need them, you're a very wise woman and I appreciate your knowledge

She’s mostly right but not everything is a fantasy it most likely would have been great which is why they think about it and regret it so much

I was but I’m going to stop today!

You’re so insightful. Thanks so much, Susan. I got a date Friday evening. He seemed to have liked me. We kissed. I kept the date a little short - he didn’t want me to leave. Once I get home, I get a text “you left me wanting” - it was probably sexual (?) Well, I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t really feel good about the message so I did not respond. I have not heard from him since :(

I think I want to change my name to Clarity! Just because of you and your wonderful pieces of advice.

I ran into an ex and wondered why i had felt so rejected as i wouldnt go near her now

I never thought about that point of view before! So encouraging! Thank you for your precious advice Susan!

I have had plenty of the ones that got away. Some I pushed away, some didn't want me. If something is meant to happen, it will happen. You won't have to work to make it happen. If a woman doesn't want you, she doesn't want you. There are seven billion people on earth. There is someone for everyone. Let her go.

I love your channel! I am pretty savvy when it comes to relationships and delving advice. But when it comes to experiencing the difficulties in the middle of my own, I always find my place back here. Thank you for your wisdom!

What if you ponder on “the one that got away” but you were together for 2 years, in love, making a life together, broke up and back together, broke up again. And now about 3 months out. No contact whatsoever. Because it’s to hard if we do. I think that just means I have insecure attachment issues, and I make up a story that there’s hope and think about the good times.

I was with a man for two years..Everything was so comfortable and felt so Right..but his daughter came to live with him..a troubled daughter and Everything..Changed. He left a note on my porch telling me we were broken up. Months later..his daughter told me..he was on his honeymoon. I still love him..but have tried to get over him and ask God to bring me someonelse to Love..But nothing for 16 years..until last fall he wrote me an email thanking me for our two years of peace together..but that he was married to someone who did not love him..very unhappy and not in good health and getting worse..but had to stay married to her. I offered him my love again..but have heard nothing. I Think he has put pleasing his family above doing what is best for himself..or his committment to his family..which is admirable. I knew him to be a very honorable man.. (we were both married for thirty years with families and divorced when we met) so our previous families would be very important to both of us. Anyway..I would have moved on..if God would have given me opportunity. I could not love anyone since him. I am pushing him again to do what is Right for him and I guess I will see where it goes. This has Not been Easy!

Yes, I’ve been listening to the one that got away on repeat since katy perry released her teenage dream album in 2010 😢

This was very insightful. I used2listen2u a lot when i grappled SO hard with a married guy. We were both 38. Now40! He married young20 after his girlfriend got pregnant. His father walked away when his mum got pregnant with him so he was never going2walk away from his baby or girlfriend. Then yrs later he had another little girl he adores. We were truly each others great life loves! I still and will always know this. But I just could not do it. Irish Catholic and deeply ethical I could not do what I felt was wrong! I did suffer terribly but I was open2love from him so he did help me that way. I found a single man very special good2me that truly deserves me! I found this an interesting vid as he was an illusion really. I did not know him. I did not live yrs with him! I did not want 2rob him from another woman. I did not want2b this other woman in society. I got such hatred from people I told ALL true story2esp women and I did nothing with him as I didn't know he was married. He lied at start said he was seperated! This became the absolute key2end of it. I could never get past the initial lie and THE fact it was a lie. He was a liar! Now he was a good man, a good father, a nice person etc but the lie was against who I am in society! I am not a liar. I would never lie. I am true, open. He has waned. I thought his memory would never go! It was a deep deep LOVE and the fact no consummation occurred was a huge regret and saving grace! Both! I knew I'd never let him go if we had sex. It was so close so often but I pulled away and he never pushed it! It bothered me actually that he pathetically or sadly never went4it. He wanted me2make the1st move! We were very alike. Both very lo self esteem. He is still a regret that kinda haunts me less every day. I haven't seen him in a long while now. He is kind and wants well4me I know this! He is a barrier tho2me totly giving2my new beautiful LOVE who is a wonderful man who I told ALL about this married guy! He was so sweet about It. Said you can't help who u fall4!! I really think the issue is he should've left his wife b4hitting on anyone else! Especially me! Now I wasn't gonna type that but that's the 1 thing angers me beyond anger itself. I SO fell4him and I couldn't un love him when i discovered he was married. His friend made him tell me also! He never did that even. He used2look at me and almost cry but he would not make the move! Sad!😥 I am happy but I cannot decide what2do. Do i risk my current king4a man I may b destined for . He comes with all this trouble. I would hurt the mother of his child. Did he only want sex r an affair? Would he have denied me in public? I only know1thing. He is a good person but all else??? He doesn't haunt me as much but I still haven't closure! Thank u for this vid!

I love all everything that you are teaching here on your channel. It helps me a lot

I need answers! Its been 6 years and I still havent gotten over him :(

This helped me so much, thank you endlessly. I will come back to watch this often

What a great video, I never thought about it that way. Time to wake up and smell the coffee!

36 years. I was too immature and couldn't find the career I wanted. She was slightly older and wanted more than I could provide at that time and she bailed. I got my stuff together within a year, but too late. Her husband died a couple of months ago, but that ship sailed or sank a long time ago. Comedy and timing are both dependent upon timing.

He got away because I was obsessing even while I was with him. I completely withdrew and after 5 months he messaged me that he misses me. But I still can't turn off the obsessions and I'm back in the loop where I want this to work out and he says it will but I'm too scared.

Susan! u are such a darling. God has given u wisdom for so many. thank u. I thought i was crazy..after 12! years. I suddenly started to think ab my X! everything we shared haunted me for months. I called him. am single hes single. He told me how sorry he was for bteaking my heart. I thought maybe its a fresh start of a new friendship. I was wrong! He didnt purse. I had so many things i keep inside that I always wanted to say when we were together. but was so afraid! I finally did via email. I felt a weight lifted. But still think of him. The letter was do real and honest. He never reply. or said anything. Sad! but i hv to accept the things I cannot change. I always felt we were soul mates. if thats real. but? he just dont talk to me.

Thanks again Susan for another eerily spot on video! So, in short be realistic, trust the process and find resolution to move on? This summarizes the week I've had.. obsessed over a guy who wouldn't respond to my texts after a fight..I saw him a few days ago, we had a good chat now I feel more at peace. Still miss him but I'm pretty good at creating those fantasy worlds u speak of. ;) Lol Great video!

Thanks Mrs. Susan. Its beautifully explained. Love it very much

Been watching a lot of your videos, Susan. Thank you so much. they are what I need to hear now.

Thank you, Susan, from Italy.

Susan, your advice has kept me out of trouble. I watched everything you produced.

You are amazingly knowledgeable! Thank you so much for sharing . I am your big fan .

hi ms.susan, thank u so much for all these amazing advice. it's helping me to get through my situation right now. although i'm not sure of where to write my comment to get a good advice cuz my situation is so diff from the rest. my bf left me last thurs. he is an arab, and part of their tradition is the "arranged marriage" which they can't refuse especially if the arranged was made by their mother. chances are, their family will not accept him as part of them if he disagree. he doesn't want to get married. he told me he doesn't want to lose me but he also doesn't want to lose his mother. he said her mom told her that if he doesn't marry his 1st cousin, he will be no longer be accepted as his son. being the youngest son, i know how difficult his situation is right now. he told me he doesn't even sleep in their house. sometimes in the park cuz his mother always asked him to drive the girl going to their house & going to the girl house. i love him so much, but i can't do anything about it. im from diff race, & i don't think that his family will accept me. last thurs we were together, his mom called him to pick the girl again. he said he will stay with me. i told him i am letting him go to his mom, its really hard but i can't do anything. he told me he will go, then the situation get weird. he run & i run after him until i fell down the stairs. i was begging him to stay. i even broke my leg. he get back to my room & trying to call emergency but i said no. what he did is he run again & leave me with my broken leg & bruises. i block him from whatsapp after i sent him a bit of a msg. Just yesterday i found out he blocked me from whatsapp & ig. until now i haven't heard from him. i want to do the NC but problem is we work at the same company. I know some ppl here will tell me to move on or some will say something bout the traditions, pls ppl i just want some support because what i am going through now is just not that easy. i don't think NC will work for me. his wedding is scheduled Jan 2, 2019. and i dont have enough time. Please coach help me out.. i don't know what to do.

Susan!! You are the BEST!

I wanted it to end. But i hurt so much. Especially i am so isolated and lonely for 18 months, i keep ruminating back and cant get unstuck. There is no end in sight.

4:28 “Please, you owe it to yourself to explore.” BEEP! That was not a coincidence. Universe is speaking ✨

SUSAN YOU'RE A DAMN GENIUS.

She now dates a person I've known since I was an infant. I broke up with her because my home life was hell. Before though I had the thought that I wasn't going anywhere and I just wanted her to be happy so I decided to break up. I'm three years out of the relationship now. We were in high school still and I was a senior and she was a sophomore I knew that once I graduated she'd be miserable cause I had epilepsy and couldn't drive. We were so happy but something told me to leave her to make it easier on myself and I then dragged myself into the deepest depression ever. I started getting in shape me and her would talked here and there but i knew it will never be the same with her I felt uncontrolled by a mad lust deep within myself. I was honestly uncomfortable with my thoughts around her

I'm so thankful for this video. I needed it

There is a third situation - the one who got away after being with them for more than 5-10 years. If that is the case, it’s not a fantasy but it depends on the circumstances.

Trying to get over the guy I was with. This makes more sense. I don’t need to be hung up on him

Thanks. I needed this video Susan. You're wonderful!

I love you for this. Thank you so much. Much needed

I’ve been having repeated thoughts about a man I dated when I was 25 yrs old. The relationship was discouraged by multiple friends including the ones that we came to know each other by. I ended the relationship. Same friend introduced him to someone else that he’s now married to. This man was good to me, the religion was the dividing factor.

You’re not far off.. yes side swept and ended abruptly, but I think I have a solid basis for it in comparison to someone who I saw socially here and there because my best friend came onto me…. It was his sudden pace that really caught me off guard, but I would say we knew each other extremely well, but not romantically. And the reason he’s the one that got away is because he was my best friend and I was too afraid of getting hurt and losing him. He decided to get married to someone on a whim and cut me off shortly after that when it was clear that the feelings were not resolved. It could be a fantasy because we don’t know how it could be, but we spent years of our youth hanging out almost everyday.

is the concept of the one that got away is only valid from the past? Because we met again and things are different now, it’s only me who still have those what ifs and what could’ve been. It actually hurts.

Great video like always.

love this video, it helps me feel so much better now

OMG just the video I needed! Law of attraction ! Thank you Susan x

I really wanted to be with girl who love anime&jojo as much as I did I saw a future with her but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be we never materialized into anything for a variety of reasons but I so wanted be with my feelings for her were real but unfortunately she wasn’t that into me for various reasons but Hindsight looking back the universe didn’t want me to be with her because it probably wasn’t the best solution even tho I hate to admit it I just wish I didn’t fantasize my future with her and being a simp It just felt so good to hangout with somebody that has something in common with me and hoping that we can be together I loved her even tho we were just talking and hanging out and we did things and acted like a couple but we were never a thing it was just we were infatuated with each other and we never made it official unfortunately but honestly I feel bad how it all played out and I gave her space because I felt bad of how awkward its gotten we’re still friends but I wished I never attempted to get with her and be with her it’s my greatest failure that I’ll learn from and live with

So much wisdom in this video 💜

Thank you for making this video for us it was helpful ✨💛

I hate it when your right! Darn..!

You are too smart...and thank you for your great advice!..xx

Susan your amazing and a real help to us all thank you it helps as you look and explain yoursejf so well and look at situations from every angle 🙏 our lucky mascot you are 👍

Susan - good topic AND I love your hair wavy and fluffy!

I was in love twice in my life and I think quite ofter what might have been.

Thank you Susan You clarified so much for me. I appreciate you. I’m loving regaining my mojo. Xo Wendy

Omg that was fantastic advice, thank you 🙏 💗

LOVE your new hairstyle!

Sound advice. Have a great day. Peace.

Hi can you please tell me, I was in a relationship with my ex for 6 years and in total I’ve known her for 28 years , we are no longer together as my ex’s mum has leukaemia so my ex’s attention is on her mum, nobody mentions anything about couples breaking up due to a poorly parent could you please make a video on this and how to cope deal with the break up, we didn’t fall out to cause the break up to end it was just more time was needed on her mum

Thank you so much ❤️

thank you soooo much !!!

what if its one of your good friends, making them not a fantasy since you actually know them very well?

Susan - thanks of the video today. Since coming to your channel I've been amazed at how on point you're videos are to me. It's spooky really how much so. Thanks again...until next time...o;)

I felt for this person that he was my totga afterall, i wasso busy looking forward to someone not knowing he was already there for me. When its mytime already to fall to him just when about time is separating usfor good. I tried so many times or pray that we could meet again but fate is not letting us. For him I am supposed to say myfeelings for the second time after 10yearsto someone who even rejectedme. Idk. Imstill hoping one day our worlds would collide again. He made mefeel special, comfortable and loved. If only I had known my feelings earlier.

Make sure you are following dreams .

Really good stuff