I am an autistic(rather Asperger’s) 13 year old and I used to be in a school where it had a very bad problem with tantrums and meltdowns(which are unfortunately my main triggers, since I’m sensitive to noise) and I remember that one time when 2 tantrums happened at the same time in my class and apparently they were so bad I ended up getting a meltdown, the teacher guided me to a room where I would usually go to calm myself down and I had stuff which I like, so I got the help I needed:)

In addition to not saying “I know what you are going through!” other phrases to avoid in this situation are “Get over it!”, “Grow up!” and “Don’t be such a baby!”. I know it’s common sense, but I have both been on the receiving end of these during autism meltdowns when I was growing up and I have seen other people on the spectrum in the same situation being told these things.

I have mild autism and since this video is about meltdowns, I might as well talk about my meltdown experience. So when I was 11 years old, A Tv channel was showing reruns of Full House at 5PM on weekdays and I would watch it everyday even after I had seen every episode. After Full House was over, the next show would be Growing Pains, I didn't usually watch it as it would be dinner time by the time Full House was over. So I became obsessed with the growing pains theme song and I felt like I always had to watch it. It had become a routine for me. One time I was at an Aunt and Uncle's house for a swim, and while I was there, I watched Full House, I was able to watch the whole episode. Then during the commercial break before growing pains, it was time to go home and my parents were not going to wait for the theme song to play, so I was forced to miss it, then I cried. My routine was pretty much disrupted which was causing me distress. My parents thought I was just crying over not getting what I want which in way I was, but I did not like missing a part of my routine. My parents did tell me I can watch it when I got home, I did have ways of watching it at home like I had it on a video cassette, or I did have the DVD set of Full House Season 1 which came with a bonus disk that features an episode of Growing Pains and Step By Step. Even though I was able to watch the theme song at home, I was still upset because like I said, my routine was disrupted. I only recently realized that it was a meltdown and my parents definitely did not give the right response, I'm not mad at them and it was a long time ago but I will be likely to bring it up when I go to an autism specialist. I am actually seeing the specialist about something else relating to my autism but I can talk about more than one thing.

Hi Holly! My 3 year old son have diagnosed with autism spectrum. It was hard for me to know how I should do to help him, but luckily I’ve discovered your channel which really helps a lot for me to understand what my son needs. Your channel is really inspiring and helpful, please keep up the good content ❤ Love from Hong Kong 🇭🇰

I take a calm down backpack to work everyday. I have fidget/sensory toys, earplugs, sunglasses, cold water, a small stuffed animal and those mini mess free coloring books designed for kids. It's important to be prepared because people don't understand a sensory meltdown.

One reason that neurotypical people sometimes find an autistic meltdown to be embarrassing/humiliating to be around is that it can occasionally trigger wetting accidents (or even messes) (that can look a lot like “on purposes”) in kids who are in the middle of potty training or sometimes even in kids who have been trained for months or sometimes even longer if it is a severe meltdown. From my experience and observations this is fairly rare (when looking at the percentage of meltdowns that can lead to this) but it definitely can happen.

One reason why some people that I know view this strategy as “rewarding bad behavior” is that some people do not believe that autism exists. That view is probably fairly common given that the Autism Family uploaded a video a number of years ago on their channel explaining why autism is real (not fake) scientifically speaking. They also uploaded a video about “autism vs. bratty behavior” some years ago. That’s important because some people confuse autistic meltdowns with temper tantrums and by extension they confuse autism with bratty behavior (or “Having a behavior problem” or “Having behavior problems” (with all that that implies)).

When I tried to explain to a person that I know some time back that autism meltdowns are not a person’s choice I was told that unless the person is having a psychotic break that he or she is in full control of his or her actions. And even then that a person has free will and must have some level of control.

She is so incredible comprehensive and sweet for her autistic children, should be more parents, teachers, caregivers and educators be like this, this should be so wonderfull. I'm on the spectrum and I also have Nld (non verbal learning disorder)

Something that I have in place with my specialists and that you could have in place with the teachers to is a "Active Prevention Plan" (direct translation from french so, might not be the correct words). Basically, it's a sheet of paper that gives my specialists signs that tell them in what emotional state I am (green, yellow, orange or red), it tells them who is part of my support system and their role (psychologist for non-autism related mental health, educator for autism, etc) and tells them what not to do when I'm in a meltdown/red/dissociation (also includes what not to do in general). It allows includes things that help me go from, for example, orange to yellow. So, for example, in the yellow section, it might say "stimming with his leg, hyper active, struggles to stay still, should encourage a calming podcast/youtube video, should encourage the 5-4-3-2-1 breathing exercise, etc", in the "what to avoid" section, it might say things like "Don't touch him, avoid loud sounds, give longer response time to questions, etc". This allows all of my specialists, no matter their expertise, to know how to best interact with me and who to contact if I need help with something. My psychoeducator is the one who put it in place for me and it's helped a lot. I have it posted at home to remind me what to do to help me calm down and I give a copy of it to all of my specialists.

I'm so glad you made this video, it touched me deeply❤This is a topic that needs to be continued to be talked about and everything cannot possibly be covered in one video, but you cover many important points and give great advice. I feel like you are giving a voice to autistic people who may not be able to tell people this. Meltdowns are still the most misunderstood part of autism in my opinion, and believe me I would love to never have another meltdown ever again but, unfortunately it is not in my control and it is one of the most painful experiences ever. It is important people understand that we are in pain during meltdowns and we feel bad and vulnerable afterwards just like you described. I love that you end by saying we need to be met with unconditional love when the meltdown is over, no matter how many meltdowns we have or how bad they are, that unconditonal love and security means everything to us❤ All that said, would you be able to make a similar video discussing autistic shutdowns (Triggers and What To Do) and how they differ from meltdowns? I'm not sure if Ezra or Simon are experiencing those, but they are a part of autism for me and for a lot of others of all ages. Just an idea!

Another don’t is “Don’t set someone who is on the spectrum off on purpose for one own entertainment.” Again, this is common sense but I have seen several examples over the years of people doing this. Luckily I was not on the receiving end of this one all that much (I have mostly seen it happen to other people) but nevertheless there were at least one or two occasions that I remember from my own experience (mostly before adulthood).

Thanks for the great ideas to help

I have a 3-year-old boy and I suspect he has autism. We’re hoping to have him evaluated later this year. He had a major meltdown last night in a public place for the first time (his meltdowns usually happen at home). This video came into my feed at just the right time, as last night left me feeling very hopeless for how to help my son. Thank you for sharing these insights and helping someone like me who knows very little about ASD. You’ve got a new subscriber!

My meltdowns are always very aggressive (mostly towards myself but I have kicked my parents at times) and every time, my mom just keeps saying "Oh that's no reason to cry! What's wrong?" and then just leaves me wherever I am. My dad makes fun of me and provokes me, or gets angry. That just makes things worse. During meltdowns I become unable to speak, when I was younger it was so bad I would fall to the floor and just scream and hit myself. Now it's gotten better because I can mostly notice that I'm getting overwhelmed, so I will go in my room and lie on my bed with my hands tucked under the pillow so I can't hit anything. I usually have stress related meltdowns over sensory ones, and when they happen they are very different. Stress related ones are usually more violent and loud, whereas sensory ones are definitely quieter and somewhat resemble a panic attack with a migraine. But they are still aggressive and all that. I haven't really found ways to calm down during sensory meltdowns, but for stress related ones I usually put on really loud music from my two favorite artists and just listen to the same song on loop for hours. It's difficult because my meltdowns can last anywhere from 30 minutes up to over 2 hours, I once nearly lost my voice because I screamed for hours. I wish my parents understood, but they really don't. And my therapist also thinks I could just control myself and all I need is to be ignored. Sorry this became long. I thought maybe if I shared, it could help someone else!

The need to rotate between different sensory toys is a result of a psychological phenomenon called habituation. I remember that from the Psychology 101 course that I had Freshman year in college with the course title General Psychology.

My meltdowns are caused by certain changes, mood dysregulation, anxiety, transitions, frustration and sometimes a sensory overload. I’m mostly sensory seeking, so I don’t get sensory meltdowns very often. During meltdowns, I wail, shout out phrases and demands, bolt and hide, blurt out offensive words and sentences, start mild violence, property damage, and I’m kinda vindictive and verbally aggressive. On the inside: it’s hard to breathe, I’m overwhelmed or irritated, my stomach hurts, it feels like nobody likes me, I need to escape from people who won’t give me space, and whatever the triggers are, really get to me. The times I get sensory meltdowns is when my clothes are bothering me, the lights are too bright, the sounds are too loud, it’s too cold, and if I’m washing myself, the soap mixed with water gets in my eyes. Meltdowns suck for both the caregivers and the people experiencing them, but trust me autism caregivers, it’s much worse if you’re the one experiencing the meltdown. When I have a meltdown, it gets worse when people do punishment like safety protocols, tell me I need to calm down, yell at me, cover my mouth, reason with me about why I should calm down, tell me that I’m scaring others, forcing me to apologize, tell me something isn’t a big deal, tell me not to cry, not allowing me to move, take away a privilege, use corporal punishment or payback aggression, saying “I know you’re upset, but you can’t/have to _________”, calling me names, tell me to be quiet, stare at me and stuff like that. It takes me 30 minutes to two hours in order to calm down. What helps is letting me move in some way as stimming or fidgeting can ease the meltdown, playing some music, filtering out annoying sensory input. If my meltdowns are caused by change, finding a distraction or alternatives to the change helps! What districts me during an adjustment meltdown or frustration meltdowns are my favorite activities, deep pressure therapy, and if it’s allowed then eating and drinking my favorite foods and drinks. Autistic meltdowns during a frustrating situation doesn’t have to be because of communication issues, it could also be because of interception difficulties, caffeine and my favorite flavors of stuff can actually calm me down.

In my case its one more thing, dont ask me how I feel because if I need to find words to describe it my brain will listen to my words and feel the anger, sadness etc even more. With me is the never ending trick to fool my brain to start thinking about anything else

I have autistic meltdowns still at 34. To the point I bite my finger. Lack coordination and having no learning issues it is very frustrating knowing what to do and simply can't so I keep trying and like running and like an engine in mud where the tires spin the engine gets hot and blows very similar experience. Transitioning is difficult too for example I will take forever to get a swim suit and go to the beach but I also love it there and spend hours leaving is the same way a struggle but being home or there I enjoy it. Everything feels out of control and I feel like the world is moving at 100mph and I just can't keep up. My brother has his usually if he feels ignored. Listening to him he's usually good at joining in then. No 1 thing don't rationalize you will only make things worse.

On the subject of not telling people how to feel telling someone to “relax” or “calm down” virtually never works. By this point most people have probably heard that at least once. I’m not positive but I think that at some point Jerry Seinfeld mentioned something about that in his standup routine. If not, then it might have been in a Seinfeld episode.

When will the book be ready? I placed an order and asked that question through email, but i didn't get a response.

I am autistic and I do KZfaq videos too on cooking.

My grandson is 30 months ,he was diagnosed with ASD April of this year.

i have a question about, I saw in the video that you have a special room for you son when he is having a meltdown, how you build that room i need one

I havent been diagnosed with mild autism yet but me & my mom mainly dont have a good relationship when arguing with each other about topics / things we dont agree on ( Example - My mom says dont change the things i move in your bedroom & i say i like my room to look a certain way in my liking ) that then leads to a argument not ending well with me losing it having a huge sensory overload . These situations happened many times since 2017 i believe and only started to get worse in 2020 - now . My parents marrage isnt that great either because my dad cheated on my mom 12 years ago with another girl causing stress on my mom . Im only 17 almost 18 this November and my childhood was hard but thinking about all of those bad moments i tried to get the last word with my family members not just my mom & also other people in this world makes me question if i should get tested for ASD since i always struggled with social interaction & repetative interests . 7 ahead whats your honest advice ?

Thanks for this video. Emmalina has been having alot of meltdowns this past week i dont know everything that has been setting her off. Im still figuring her out. Iwill say whenever anyone is in her face too much it seems to set her off like a day to 3 days later she pinches me and starts screaming. Sometimes i have to walk away after shutting tv and all lights so shes safe ans im not getting my hair pulled and pinched

It's difficult because for me when I am in meltdown, I panicked and I can't hear anything.

hi I have a question. Do Ezra and Simon know that they are autistic and what that means??

It can be practical if you look after children who have accident put the in size 7 diaper

I just can't get one think - if you already have an autistic child ,why do you make more kids ? What will happen with them when you are no longer around or God forbid you are not capable of taking care of them ?

I’m Autistic

I love watching your videos and I am by no means trying to be disrespectful but the fact that you repeat the moving in the av part in every video makes me want to stop watching.. for the viewers that watch your videos regularly it can sound like we are we watching old videos. Or videos on repeat if that makes sense.

I suspect that Ellie Ava has ADHD

I notice your haircut Holly, looks like you took off a few inches. I like it, do you cut your own hair??

So basically what you’re saying is. That when someone leaves he gets a little overwhelmed would Ezra do that