I used to have a friend that was in foster care because their parent got cancer. They weren't able to take care of him while doing all the treatments. So many people in our class kept saying how he had a "bad mother" and that she was abusive. They never actually looked into why he was in the situation he was in. It's really sad, and it broke his heart. He has an mazing mother and she loves her son so much.

Jessica Kent has a really good story on her channel about being an addict and giving birth in jail. It’s so worth the watch!

When I was a kid, I called CPS on my own parents (they were divorced and neither household was healthy). I was never interviewed alone, except once, but I was too afraid that my stepmom would hear what I said. I'd get scared and flustered and then I wasn't able to explain the mental and verbal and amotional abuse. I know other kids have had worse situations, so please don't hate on me in the comments. The absue fed my suicidal thoughts, my anxiety, and fueled my self-harm. I was never removed, no follow ups, no one talked to teachers or guidance counselors. Even at 31, I still believe I should have been removed from both homes. I love my parents in my own way, and my dad was never part of the actual abuse. His wife has him hoodwinked and he still doesn't know about many things. Other things he just brushed off as tough love. I wish I had been removed and given mental health help. I think my life would be much different than it is now, but I also know that I can't blame everything on my parents. So now, I'm 31 and trying to heal a lifetime of pain and hurt. I'd have given my lungs and kidney for a family like yours. I still would, actually. You guys have been a beacon of light since starting this channel, and I've even taken some parenting pointers for when I become a dad one day. Thank you for advocating for these kids, for welcoming them into your hearts and homes, for making a difference. May y'all be blessed tenfold.

For foster care awareness month, do you think you could do a video on the abuse and neglect that happens within the foster care system itself? So many foster families mistreat or use the children in their care for their own personal benefit, and I feel like the general public isn’t aware enough about it 😕

I wish all Foster parents where as caring and wonderful as you guys

I would love to see a video from your perspective about how broken the foster system really is. It’s obviously very relevant right now, and I am so sick of hearing “but there’s always adoption.”

When I worked within the system, I saw drug use, domestic violence, and mental health struggles as the most common issues, hands down. But there were still some cases of physical or sexual abuse, abandonment, failed adoptions, a parent unable to manage their teens behavior, etc. Housing instability and/or homelessness was an issue that was not the reason for removal, but was a frequent issue in the families' lives. A few things that have stood out to me are that many of the parents involved in the child welfare system have suffered complex trauma either in childhood and/or adulthood. And many of these parents were involved in the child welfare system as kids. And many who weren't in relative or foster care as a child, still had trauma and difficult home lives and maybe they got by under the radar or in a kinship care that was unofficial, without system involvement, but a family made arrangement. Also, a former foster youth (I'm sorry I don't remember the name to credit) has said something like we are all a few decisions away from where those parents stand - and a support system may be all the difference. Many parents involved in the system lack a support system altogether. Some may have burned some bridges or not want to reach out due to immense shame, but in general many just don't have a support system at all or a healthy support system. And for those that do have a healthy support system of some kind, it may be that their support system is small and limited. Maybe they have emotional support but no one to help with childcare/babysitting or financial help when they are in a bind. Our support system and our connections play a huge role when we are in crisis or struggling. Just take Covid for example. When my husband was in the hospital and I was quarantined at home with the kids stressed out, I had loads and loads of support. His job was understanding. People brought meals and groceries and gift cards and helped with our Christmas gift shopping and blessing us in so many ways. But a family who is already struggling and without that same support system may be losing their jobs, struggling to put food on the table, missing their rent or car payment. Often times, crisis to someone without much of a support system (or savings or a higher income, more flexible job) means that their will be a domino effect verses when one of us with more margin and support has a minor or major crisis, it is more manageable with help. It's tricky because this doesn't excuse harming kids and there are those in the same or similar situations who somehow make it through without crumbling and losing their kids but still these things make a huge difference in one's life and ability to cope and get through things. When a whole, extended family lacks the resources and abilities to step in and help each other overcome a crisis and it's members are already stretched thin due to health issues, financial issues, or other love circumstances, the person in crisis may not have enough help from their support system or may feel that they will burden their already overwhelmed family.

I went and asked DSS for help my son is now 32 but when he was 4 he started showing signs of OCD, ODD, ADHD, PTSD and some others to say the least amd it was hard but there was help out there, they sent me to parenting classes, family therapy, individual therapy, and some other things , they also had respite for me and my other two was sent on small vacations helped with birthdays a Christmas all because I had they courage to ask for help. I don't have a bad word to say about the then DSS NOW CPS they helped me in so many ways and then I took children in that needed that much care. Long story but I love what you're doing thanks for sharing and as always stay safe, and God bless love ya Nancy

I was not surprised neglect was the top reason. There are a lot of things that fall under neglect so there is “more opportunity” for it. I’ve recently learned about medical neglect and the horror stories behind medical kidnapping and it left me so heart broken. I do love these types of videos. You get to talk about the parts of foster care no one talks about!

I was almost wrongfully removed for medical neglect four times growing up, from the age of about 4 or 5 to the age of 16. This is not unheard of for disabled kids, especially with my specific genetic disorder, and even more common if one or both of the parents is disabled. I know of quite a few families who lost their children temporarily and some even permanently because there was either a misunderstanding of medical records, often doctors lacking knowledge and flagging social services in the ER, or because outsiders assumed disabled parents could not be fit parents. This is something I would love to see you talk about someday because it's a serious problem and causes so much trauma. I remember being afraid every time someone knocked on our door when I was growing up.

Great video as always. :) Also worth saying that not all abused, neglected etc. children end up in foster care as it's not always as easy to tell as people might imagine. Plus children themselves may lie for fear of breaking up the family.

Wow 2 years in New Jersey, when my son was in foster care they gave me a year. He was out in 8 months. I remember being so stressed when he was in there, and being so happy when he came home.

It's really important to point out at this point that some of the reasons for removal are completely unreasonable. You have kids being kidnapped by the powers that should not be for state by state standards or the whims of social workers that not only in alot of cases are not parents or really all that experienced with children at all. You have educational standards and medical standards set by the state that do not work for all children, for all families for all cultures. Alot of things that are called neglect would only be considered so in some states and in some cases some of the things that are considered neglect in the united states are not considered neglect in most other countries.

i appreciate that you have compassion for the parents

9:20 As someone who suffered from physical abuse as a kid, I wanted to make you aware that physical abuse can also be a consequence or an escalation from either disease/disability in the parents or an inability to provide the needed care and being so stressed out and overworked that they take it out on the children. This is what happened in my case. Still not an excuse, but part of the conversation of understanding the reasons why. I also have heard stories of addiction leading to physical abuse.

thank you for sharing this information

This was informative. Thank you.

I also suggest that WE ALL SHARE THIS VIDEO WITH FAMILY-FRIENDS-NEIGHBORS & CHURCH MEMBERS! The public needs to know these things too!!! Most of the children placed in foster care are really DISPLACED TRAUMATIZED VICTIMS-with various levels of trauma suffered BEFORE the added trauma of home removal & placement in a stranger’s care!!! ❤️‍🩹👀🥲

I find that most states either remove too much or not enough. I don't know why it's so difficult to find balance.

One of your best videos. Data, context, understanding, are so important when it comes to families and children. Maybe it's time to go get your masters??

My first KNOWN encounter with foster care was actually parent inability to cope. I'm sure most don't even consider it but it's so real

I really want to foster and keep siblings together but unfortunately I can’t afford it 😢 I’m a full time caregiver for my adult son and have lots of training. I also use to work in events for the schools and privately.

I worked with a family that did foster care, when I started, they had a baby who was in care for inability to cope. Bio-Mom had an older child with autism and it sounded like the extended family wasn’t very supportive of her parenting both children, I don’t know how involved the father(s) were. The baby was originally placed in kinship and then placed in foster care. I don’t know the specifics of case because I wasn’t in the home for the baby, but she did reunify and the family was doing well.

Can we talk about navigation of work with two full time working parents. It's the one major concern I have before we qualify to start fostering

im a heroin/fentanyl/carfentanil and polysubstance addict, and i cant imagine how difficult it would be to go through this and have a child.

Me and my brother almost wound up in care cause of neglect but we went to live with our grandparents my brother stayed til he was an adult but I went to live with our mom 2 years later

While it is true that a large number of families is economically vulnerable (probably a large part in the CPS system), but neglect happens in all socio-economic classes! Middle, upper middle and high class children also get neglected, not being watched/taken care of, fed, having addicted parents etc. Which often goes unnoticed because there is an erroneous notion that such things don’t happen in such communities and circles. Or that lack of nutrition is due to financial crisis which isn’t necessarily the case. There are kids from reasonably wealthy parents that don’t get fed.

"Top" is a weird phrasing, "most common" or "most frequent" has a different tone.

Might you be able to provide me with the slide you used from Buckner showing the reasons children are removed from their homes? I work in Foster Care and am creating a presentation that it would be really helpful to use it in. Thanks for all your work and information!

Hi. I’m a recent subscriber and I wanted to ask you if you have ever wanted to speak to a disabled person about disability/foster care. I’ve never been in foster care myself, but I am physically disabled. I’d really love to know if you wanna talk to me over zoom or Skype or something like that about being physically disabled and how you can make your home more safe/accessible? If so, please let me know. Thank you so much!

I was taken away for a combination on them . Neglect, alcohol abuse and indanger a child. Than taken from my foster family after abuse.

I think resource options: church, or other non-profit organizations, food pantries, clothing, after-school programs should be more readily advertised. ~ I am thinking how to get a list, with contact info, into people's hands: every school email/ print out a list at the beginning of each semester and send to every parent?

often kids would prefer to stay with the parents. When i was 5, i fell and hit my head so hard I lost the vision in my left eye. my mother wouldn't even comfort me. A few months later, I fell about 4 feet, landed on my back and was in severe respiratory distress to the point I couldn't move or speak. My father just stood there and didn't try to help. If I hadn't started breathing on my own, I may be dead. From that time, I told my parents I couldn't breathe (turns out I was breathing okay, it just hurt to breathe from the injury)...my mother ignored me, my father laughed....When I was 10, I had strep throat for a month before my mother took me to the doctor. There may be permanent damage. About 6 months later, a friend of the family tried to murder me...my mother yelled at me and only cared it might ruin her friendship if I told anyone, my father just didn't care. At about 11, I twisted my ankle playing softball and was temporarily paralyzed. I regained movement after a few minutes and my parents just had my sister drag me to the car since I couldn't bear weight on my ankle. At 13, my sister kicked me, i felt something pop in my knee and I went down with my knee twisted...my parents just walked away and left me like that...later my mother yelled at me for cautiously walking down the stairs....i was in continuous pain. When I was 17, i begged my mother to help. She came right out and said she couldn't care about me....i tried getting medical help once I had my own insurance and could hide it from my parents, but docs can't understand that a child can have an injury that goes untreated.......there were other incidents. being sick or in pain was not allowed..i was ignored, laughed at, or yelled at....but even decades later...I am still glad no one called child services. The knee that I injured at 13 prevents me from doing any more than short shopping trips. I had an unrelated serious injury as an adult so I am not able to use crutches. Even the scooters in supermarkets are too painful for my arms. I need to get a motorized chair style instead of a scooter....largely from the neglect.....but I have no regrets child services never got involved.

My child was put in foster care because her twin sister died of SIDS when they were a month old and they thought it was due to abuse and they also thought I was an alcoholic and that me and my husband were doing drugs because we were running on very little sleep because we were newly twin parents.

Mine was the physical abuse and I was kept out never to go back.

I'm sorry but children and youth do not always help you maybe in your circumstances because you're foster mom but living this nightmare f****** sucks I'm sorry I didn't mean to put the f word in there but my case worker said she would help me and now my kids are gone and I'm really glad that you are on here doing this...... And how many kids do you have helped my kids went into kinship care

And it it is not fascinating it is horrible. Interesting that foster Care awareness month also falls on mental health awareness month one seems to be related to the other in some respects.

why do they?

A society who function on an economic system who need inequality to function is deeply sick in my opinion. The amount of families being separated for being in poverty or lacking support is so sad and disturbing

Growing up I got put into care. Mum didn’t want me because she kept my two sisters

Living in Belgium, I have a few questions about the system in the US; - is kinship care supported by the foster agencies as in, do they support families with help / talks / practical stuff? - are there social workers who work intensively with families where the kids are about to be taken away? Are they at least given some time to prove they are(n’t) capable in this moment to care for their children (apart from situations where the children’s safety is in (immediate) danger) I can’t make up in your videos how much support the parents have gotten BEFORE the children were taken away. Hopefully you understand what I’m trying to say as English isn’t my mother tongue. Lots of love ❤️

Umm, imma need to know where you got that shirt? ❤️💀

It is different from state to state

❤️

On "inability to cope" sometimes the parents may have a disability (e.g. autism, blindness, intellectual disability, PTSD, schizophrenia, bipolar) that makes it difficult to provide a child with everything they need and to keep them safe. The parent may have had support systems (a partner, family, etc) at some stage that fell away either because of death, break ups, moving, etc.For example scenarios where the parent has a very low IQ and is unable to judge the safety of situations the child might be getting into. People with autism and intellectual disabilities are very vulnerable to rape and sexual abuse and sometimes don't realise they are pregnant until it is too late. I have autism and (while this isn't true of everyone on the spectrum) I know that I would have serious sensory issues if I tried to raise kids. Maybe with a partner who did all the diapers and older kids who didn't scream I could manage it. But peoples' situations change and sometimes the most loving thing they can do as a parent is admit that they need help or that they just aren't up to providing everything that the kid deserves.

Or kids being found walking down the road all by their selves at 8 and 4

I thought inability to cope might be like if one parent passes and the other parent falls victim to depression

what abouit illness or death of a parent

It's actually a relief that sexual abuse is so low down the line. No abuse is okay, but that's particularly heinous.

My kids were put into foster care because we were homeless

Another reason kids are taken into care is because of parents being hospitalised and no one able to stay with the child.

what about extreme emotional abuse to the point the child is suicidal?

Ok what do I know I'm just an adoptee and a single Mom who's kids were yanked. But I just watched a Ted talk by Molly McGrath Tierney and she is the head of a foster care agency and she says there are 50 foster care agencies in the united states and none of them actually benefit the majority of children and that the act of removal is worse than any possible abuse or neglect. Sounds to me like your family and every other foster care provider if you guys care about kids more than your egos y'all need to quit providing foster care along with every other foster care provider in the country.

I don't know if this is true but I heard if a parent who is homeless with a child that's not grounds to take it away if they get food etc. Where Did you get your shirt I love it

Parental inability to cope is a more politically correct term for parent has a disability, physical or mental illness and doesn’t have the resources and accommodations to parent.