Same. My doctor said I'm not 100% though, a very light version plus cyclothymia, anixety, pstd, and depression.

Yeah I have a couple of BPD friends who are over-empathetic and find it very overwhelming

totally agree, i have been diagnosed and am an empath, i care and feel so much i'm usually crying or worrying about others, animals and the planet! its very upsetting to see so much suffering every day and it feels like its all on my shoulders

Oh me too, I spend as much time overwhelmed by others' emotions as I do my own. My therapist thinks it's part or my codependent tendencies (which are super common with bpd)

I agree completely, I’m the same way.

@The Borderline Life thankyou xx

They way i relate to this. id sell my soul if it would stop the people i love taking my episodes so personally. Just makes me hate myself so much more. I got so much love for the world and i dont want ANYONE to be hurt or upset because my mind doesn't work properly. Feels bad :(

@@JD-hm4ty I would do exactly the same. I hope things get better for you soon :)

As someone with a mother and partner with BPD - I think you are likely to be able to get meaningful help and put in the work to become the best version of yourself. The people who are commenting about how they are 'actually really good people who don't hurt others' are either in denial, or knowingly lying. Best of luck to you.

Ellie Jean Thank you for sharing. Thanks for your insight.

but its not ac true :/

Okay lots of extreme statements one way or another in the comments. Obviously, only you know how much you can tolerate, but if they haven't hit the threshold of too much for you, be patient. When people say "recover" or "cure", they mean full remission. This is a real possibility. There is always the possibility of relapse from deep-seated triggers, but real healing is possible for Borderlines. It just takes a lot of work and self-awareness. I speak from experience. Each relationship I have experienced has been healthier than the last. 32 year old Borderline male here.

@@stevec8872 Appreciate you sharing that Steve. Gives me hope.

What Attachment Style are U in and what mbti Type are you?

@@SamanthaLesanArtforHealing you're so welcome. You have to believe change is possible! And it is! Hope is so important for recovery :) glad I could help someone even if it's just a little

I really needed to see this. Im currently in that very situation with my girlfriend. We have broken up so many times. Its just one big cycle that keeps repeating itself and Im the one that gets hurt each time. Im trying my best to make this breakup the final one, but she is love bombing me to hell. Idk what to do. I feel so bad, I love her and I didnt want us to end in the first place. Her actions caused this yet I still feel like the bad guy. She never lets me accept our situation, meaning she isnt happy when we try to be together yet she also doesnt want us to be apart. I cant take it anymore.

@@SaucyLiving Best of luck to you. What helped me break out of that break-up/love bomb cycle was to go no-contact. It's really hard to do initially, but you'd be amazed at how much easier it is to think once you're free of the constant drama.

Yes I agree I’ve tried and tried but the constant negativity, drama, emotional irregularities becomes so taxing on you as the partner and although I thought I was super resilient to stress I was sadly mistaken. For my own mental health and happiness I had to leave and put myself first for once. I was seeing no change if anything the manipulation and gaslighting was getting worst. I know she doesn’t do this intentionally but at the same time I can’t fix her trauma nor can I carry the weight of all her damaged emotions on my shoulders any longer. I decided to leave to heal myself. I’m a mess right now as I detox from the manipulation etc but I also know it’s for the best. No contact from everything I’ve read is the only way to go now if I want the healing process to flow towards happiness.

@@Paulroach6 Its crazy how alike all of our relationships are. Really confirms to me that I need to stay strong and continue this route of not being with this person anymore. My fight is still ongoing. I gave in and saw her on Wednesday but luckily she immidiately did things to ruin that moment and bring me back to the reality of our situation. Its tough. I wish she could just let me go but it seems I have to shove her away....But in the end I know this will be better for us and most of all, me :)

@n isacs It seems like that guy was gaslighting you. Twisting stories to make it seem like he is right and you are wrong. Yes, I believe people like this can really mess with a person's mental health. I believe they can be very mentally exhausting. Probably arguing with most of them would be a bad idea. In my situation, if I think I need to do something, I may do it without explaining myself. Explaining myself may complicate matters and it is not worth it. Sometimes it may feel like I can't really express myself because I have to watch out for that other person's sensitivity. Yeah, I deal with someone who has petulant borderline personality disorder. Thank you for your message. Did you ever run into another person with BPD in a relationship?

It’s a personality disorder. There is no cure you just learn to live and cope with it

I've not heard it much either.

@@m.c.bailey7668 That is what I thought too.

im happy that it gives you hope but unfortunately its not true, its a personality disorder and you cant change your personality, you can just learn how to deal with it

Drew i think you misunderstood my comment

Can you elaborate though? Did you give yourself the structure and routine? If so, how did you discipline yourself enough to follow it? How did you give yourself self esteem and independence? How did you learn social interaction skills?

I developed my skills through the help of a psychologist, alongside with a mental health plan in case things get out of control. I also have a psychiatrist I can turn to for medication reviews. Discipline comes from the desire to change your own behavior. Behavior can influence the outcome of social interaction. The big thing for me has been about trying to get away from right/wrong thinking and taking a more helpful/unhelpful approach to things.

Please, can you give explicit details in case someone wants to avoid psychologists or what to expect from them in exact details?

@@aFoxyFox. I did CBT therapy, most of it involves talking through problems and working out strategies on how to address them. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist that cross referenced each other using the information I and others gave them. There are videos on youtube on what you can expect from a CBT therapy session.

how did you do that?did your family or sign.other told you you need help or its a decision you took by yourself?| what happens when there is lack of moral values and empathy?is there any chance that this person will stop being manipulative and use you for stability and support? do you this a person with these traits can be monogamous and trully loving..?i just found out some things about my bf and think that my relationship was a lie. i am going mad...

Can you give me some other advice that worked for you? I too argue with my gf, initiated by me, and I always feel bad in the end for hurting her over silly matters.

Can you share the whole list of affirmations?

Can you write for me this list of affirmations that your therapist gaves you

if you can’t handle it then leave them alone

@@caitlinsnyder6200 Right. You should never engage with, let alone love, a bordie. They don't deserve it.

​@@thirdpowerful1That's not true everyone deserves to be loved. There's someone out there for everyone. I have borderline personality disorder and I go to therapy every week.

​@@marissarottaris9049 that "someone for everyone" is wishful thinking, fairy tale nonsense. Ya don't need another person. Get comfy w YRSELF. The other commenter wasn't srs, they were kinda mocking the 1st writer's statement. I hafta agree, ppl w BPD can be a nightmare for others. I'm just learning about & facing these behaviors. I don't want to be emotionally manipulative, needy, annoying etc. It'll take time to identify & mitigate my behaviors. I hope, w hard work & practice, I can detoxify & be fit for the company of others, or at least the general public😏 Best wishes for better mental health❤

@@HeyIwasaValedictorian You have no idea what it's like to live with BPD. We're not all a nightmare we simply are misunderstood by others and want to be loved. I mean I'm fine on my own. But it does get lonely from time to time. I just lost my cat 6 months ago. And I'm still grieving. She was my everything. I'm not a perfect person I've made mistakes and done things I'm not proud of. I'll be the first to admit that. But I won't let someone who doesn't even know me or my struggles try to tear me down. Not everyone with BPD is a nightmare you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. My BPD mainly stems from a whole life filled of childhood trauma and PTSD. I didn't have it made in the shade like some people. I also didn't ask to have this disorder either I don't want it. And I'm aware I have anger issues that's why I go to therapy. I also did not make myself this way my life did. But at least I do my best to try and show up to therapy and get better. And take all my medication like I'm supposed to. And try to be the best person I can be. If that's not good enough. For some people. That's not my problem it's theirs.

I love this!! Thank you for sharing :) xxo

Is that what I am lacking haha. I’m kidding, this is real cool actually.

@@taracate88 😂 oops didn't think about it coming across that way haha. Thanks

Ninja In Paris but it’s totally true lol. It’s a good thing to keep in mind because I need to keep those things in my mind. Does that make any sense. Haha.

@@taracate88 yeah I think I get you haha

Thanks for sharing your story, sorry to hear things went down the way they did.

oh my god, that is absolutely horrible. My jaw literally dropped when i read this. i am so sorry for your loss.

Black Mamba yes as soon as it happened I went to therapy and I did a kind of therapy called EMDR for trauma. Thank you so much for replying to my comment I really appreciate it

Tanika Reed thank you so much for replying to my comment I appreciate it

It wasn’t your fault. I hope you are healing 💜

How it's going now?

Simp

yikes. but it's awesome that you are understanding and patient with your wife.

Same here . My fiancé is the same way . I forget and when he hits that plateau it’s a rollercoaster for me.

How does she manage it?

Rose vd Wal Here is a video you might like! Kati compares BPD and CPTSD: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ac55esSprLuVY6s.html

I have heard this negative language about BPD and then when someone told me they think I have it I lost my rag and got so upset. This video pretty much sums up how I have been when in crisis. If the label wasn't tagged with such negativity I could have reached out for help sooner.

I totally agree! I knew of only negative BPD tags and when I got told I had it, I kind of lost it and got really scared to tell anyone. I still usually don't but this video could really help to show people who are negative :)

I can be manipulative, but I realise that I'm doing it and I hate myself for it. It's not done with malintent, I can't help it.

Jenny me too, I hate how people characterise us as if we are like sociopaths using manipulation to only benefit ourselves.. I often don't realise I've done it til later or I'll catch myself out and like you said, I feel horrible about it. it's so nice seeing people here who relate to the stuff I go through. also this is the fucking blurb for that Walking on Eggshells book (it has a tonne of bad reviews too): "Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are 'walking on eggshells' to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is 'yes,' someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD)." That author can get absolutely fucked tbh

Holy shit. Exactly the same situation here, only I'm 23 and she's 22. When I was sent to a clinic, she was the only one who didn't point a finger at me and call me crazy or sick or hopeless. Instead, she gave me an opportunity to be heard and she's been my rock since then. This happened 6 years ago.

I hope someday I can find a girlfriend like that. I have also been to a psychiatric ward, and have suffered a lot in the past. It's so lonely.

I hope you find the most amazing girlfriend there is out there! Also, if there is anything at all you'd like to talk about, I am here to listen. Sounds like one of those internet cliché things, but i'm serious. It's nice to share experiences and I don't many people who've gone through the same.

my boyfriend is the same way! he's so supportive and always doing his best to reassure me and remind me that he still loves me when i perceive that false wretched sense of abandonment

Same as my amazing partner, I’m 23 he’s 22. So much patience and empathy

Thank you writing this!! There is so much demonizing going on with this

Love you too! Thanks for the encouragement, it’s something I like to remind others of but need reminding of myself when I feel hollow and worthless. The most powerful positive trait of having an overactive amygdala is that deep sense of care for the well-being of others. Feeling everything more strongly than others, I care far too much which results in a lot of pain for myself and others due to how I’ve grown to express the sorrow, anger and fear (fear which can blind me to reality like anger and often leads to misinterpreting things and becoming angry or depressed).

Harder than most my balls. No, in my experience she made it like that for me. Like I didn't or was never important to her after being with her for 4 years. Try being the recipient. We are people too.

💕

Seriously thank you. ❤

Focus on healing you, the more inner emotional damage you heal the healthier your relationship self, which in turn is reflected back to you in the form of healthier relationships with others.

Would you blame them??? If you can run from yourself you would have done it!!

This right here....

I hope you heal. I hope my friend heal as well, she is in so much pain, I hope you get better in time 💞🙏🙂

i feel you same here victoria.

Same here, I dont want to say all BPDs are bad people, but you dont have to take mental abuse in anyway doesn't matter if BPD or not I had to leave too, because it wasn't possible anymore to talk things out togheter, and I'm just not the Person for such a realationship but for sure there are people out there who can handle realationships like that. hope you're fine now...

@@xSanji1 yeah it was difficult to deal with but I'm in a much better place

I can't blame you. I know being in a relationship with someone who has BPD can cause BPD symptoms in you, and even PTSD. It's not for everyone. Truly.

same , I was in a relationship with a boy that has BPD and it was the worst time in my life , I did most of the things that Kati talks about in this video and still nothing worked, it got so abusive I just had to leave. I still deal with anxiety and trauma from it. I hope you're doing better now !

I’m in the exact situation you were in. It took a toll on my mental health. I’m the most amazing boyfriend one second and then I’m straight from hell the next. It’s hard... I’m not equipped mentally or emotionally for a relationship like that. I hope she finds happiness and someone who is equipped for a relationship like that!

I'm so sorry.

@@Hikutachama Honey, i'm so sorry you went through that. Regardless of what illness anyone has, you can't make them change if they don't want to.

THIS.

Sorry you went through this, but you are 💯. My husband is the same. I left.

My BPD cost me my marriage to my wife of 17 years in 2015. I haven't been w any women since. No desire. My ex and Iare friends, but I am still madly in love w her and hope to get back, no matter how many times she tells me it will never happen. I can't accept it, can't live with it. I must get her back. That's all I can think about every breathing second of the day

What medication is working for you?

@@pavelpribylovsky4092 keep in mind..it's possible she did things in the relationship to trigger you...most likely both of you were to blame...guessing tho glta🌞

@@pavelpribylovsky4092 If she is not interested in ever getting together again, respecting that is also important, however excruciatingly difficult and painful. You aren't entitled to this other person plus you deserve to build a new life for yourself as well. Hope you find the support to help you move on! Don't refuse help in the name of "I'm never gonna be happy with anybody else" because that will become self fulfilling prophecy and doesn't have to be true! Take care!

A monster in humming bird's clothes, I've seen that. Hit and run; they are soulless anyway.

I can relate bro.. My gf has bpd Emptyness sometimes she wants to breakup after a few hours.. She change into a loving caring person... Trust me i know how it feels

@@Lepsaeus if you generalize all people with this disorder as a monster than maybe it’s in fact you ? Hmm

@@Lepsaeus man if you don’t shut up

@@Lepsaeus I’m sure you didn’t at all deserbe what you went through. But this is just wrong man… 😞

I like this answer a lot! I feel like if you ask why i feel i was attacked it gives me some sort of validity as in my feelings are heard and real even though they may be wrong....I would then be able to explain myself and then be explained to why I was thinking wrong and would make me feel more cared for. If you just tell me I am wrong and that's not how it is and it has been that way so many times then it just makes me feel like I am more worthless and never right in the end. I was talking to my therapist today how I know the way my brain works and I probably am wrong a lot and am working on mindfulness skills right now but this gives the other person all the power to simply tell me I am wrong whenever they want and makes me feel like I have no say. I know I am not wrong 100 percent of the time. I take ownership for my wrongs and hate being the only one that does and then be made to feel like I am bad because of my disorder. I end up being the one that apologizes no matter what and I feel sometimes that can go the other way. I agree with a lot of what she said and in the beginning I wanted to show this to my wife but then there are spots where I think she could have given us a little credit as borderlines. I mean the make sure you make them feel like you care first was an afterthought when she was explaining it and I think if you are watching it and it is an afterthought and not expressed then it will not seem as important for them.

Absolutely

Han Kenobi wow.. thanks

That is one of the Best methods for me i think.

This is helpful for me

Thanks.. Hope you're feeling better..

God bless you dear Hoping for the best

Alej A. Hope your doing better.

I hope your doing well :))

it’s been 3 years... i hope you’re doing fine! 🌤🌻💞

That does sound great

Me neither, I have experienced it twice and it caused me c-ptsd. Which is why I find this video absolutely irresponsible bc it doesn’t actually warn of dangers for sticking around. It’s just wrong that a partner has to cater to a pwBPD so that they feel better. That’s so one-sided. My former BPD partner sent me this vid expecting me to do all that just so he can be with me, when I already spent 1.5 yrs giving everything while he refused to seek therapy and to work on himself.

Wishing I'd cut and run a decade ago myself. Destroyed myself by staying so long. Stayed for a child. She's doomed too.

I can’t either, he’d cheated on me but wants us both. I’ve put an end to 4 yrs of pain.

Near no one can. It means you’d be a raging codependent with no self love or care for yourself. You have such low self esteem that you’re in denial to the issues at play No one with the slightest healthy mind or who seeks therapy ever finds this abusive relationship even tolerable or healthy or sustainable no matter what you do or say or try

Yeah, they're selfish, but will claim to be empathetic. So much delusion.

What exactly in detail seemed to get that all under control? What did the therapist do or say or give exactly?

I read a lot of books when I found out I had BPD. Felt like a lifetime to hear that I had it. After seeing so many specialists, psychiatrists, psychologists etc. I find there is more help today than there was 10-20 yrs ago. I no longer have it. I use to be very suicidal, angry, closed off, most of the things Kati mentioned above. Once I got treatment all of that changed in such a beneficial way. It took me many many years to control it. Once controlled I was able to talk about it more easily. It is good you reached out and got the help needed :)

Dear sir, please elaborate on your treatment and your tricks and tips to save time and relationships

same i feel like if I just dont date , it leaves like 80 percent of my problems

Boundaries are determined by the individual. What my husband can tolerate might be intolerable to you or vice versa. Examples of some boundaries people might want to implement would be things like no name calling, no leaving during an argument (or, conversely, taking a time out from one another if things become too heated), particular threats that are unacceptable - or any threats. Those are just off the top of my head. I can’t speak for your boyfriend, but I’m very unaware just how much my behaviors can affect a loved one. Sometimes I will pick up on the expression on my husband’s face and that will shock me back into a calmer state for fear of hurting his feelings when I don’t want to but sometimes I miss his cues until he remembers to let me know - which he often forgets but I usually appreciate when he does speak up. I’m not sure if that helps clarify. If not, feel free to ask. It isn’t easy. It takes a lot of work on the part of the person who doesn’t have BPD but it can be done. I wish you luck.

@@PomegranateStaindGrn Thanks for this comment! :)

Until which point? I have been fighting for my ex-boyfriend because I thought he was worth it! Until a week ago where i completely burned out because of his reactions... there is no help or support for the loved one, it's like being put on boxing ring and having to fight... all the time. I have done everything in this video and the only 'mistake' i have done so far was loosing my patience. Nobody is armed for this, or please if there are people who are (and still healthy!) please speak up, reach out and literally HELP people who are in those relationships with true insights! Because i believe some people are worth fighting for, until your own health is on the line...

I had a similar experience with a friend.she felt like i betrayed her trust..and violated a boundary. (only i didnt know it was a boundary) . then i come here and listen and learned that i should not have gone along with her and further blamed myself. lots of helpful tips in this video.. i like my friend and miss her but she is super mad/hurt i guess by my action...

😩🙏🏾

i feel you on that one girl

I also have BPD. Please don't take this the wrong way (this is meant to be a helpful comment) I personally think that people with BPD need to focus on emotional independence before engaging in relationships. Relationships bring a whole new level of stress into the picture for both you and your partner. It pays to be emotionally fit, as relationships are a marathon.

@@LauraTeAhoWhite I completely agree!

Malorie Sims *those with BPD*

B Q no one is saying that

Snap.

Oh hello. Did I write this? Wondering as well. For myself I think it’s bipolar 2

Usually, people with BPD would have mood swings that cycle more frequently, like multiple times throughout the day. Several days, weeks, or months could be more congruent with Bipolar, but I also think it depends. For me, I kind of have cycles but they're always triggered by something. So I could be in a generally more happy/productive mood for a while, and then if something causes me to become overwhelmed, I would feel depressed until that thing feels resolved to me, but this wouldn't just happen totally randomly. I'm just super super sensitive to everything that goes on in my life and around me, so I still have mood swings throughout the day regardless, if that makes sense, but I can be in a general depressed mood or general happy mood for days/weeks at a time depending on bigger events that are happening at that point in my life. I think with Bipolar episodes, however, they generally wouldn't have a specific cause/trigger that you could link to specific events or occurrences. In my understanding, bipolar episodes are caused by chemical reactions in the brain and they will just happen, regardless of whatever else is going on for you at the time, while BPD is more or less a learned defense mechanism and the reactions/emotions are based on what we perceive to be going on in our lives and around us. Technically, someone can have Bipolar disorder and BPD, and that could make it a little bit more confusing to separate the two. Luckily, DBT and CBT are great treatments for both! I hope this explanation makes sense, I haven't slept in a while lol.

MichelleMyBelle hi thanks so much for replying! It does make a lot of sense. Usually the high ends when things get overwhelming too, there are usually lots of stressors going on all at once. And I do really relate to the BPD diagnosis but the mood swings not so much. I’ve had one manic episode before but it was triggered by a med change and my psychiatrist is adamant it’s BPD but I don’t have a lot of answers on the constant cycle. Sometimes I query my diagnosis.

Hmmm well since the only manic episode you had was triggered by a med change and if your psychiatrist isn't worried about it, then I probably wouldn't worry about that unless it happens again, especially if the highs you're experiencing more regularly aren't like that. I mean, with Bipolar 2, people can experience hypomania, which is like a lesser form of a manic episode, and they'll feel really happy/productive. That does sound a little bit like what you described in your original post, but it's hard to say if that's what it is or not. But like I said, I think mania/hypomania, as well as the depressive episodes that go along with Bipolar 2 would be caused more by a chemical reaction, and wouldn't be a direct result of actual life events that are directly impacting your emotions. It's normal to have an emotional reaction to stressors, and BPD could also amplify that, because of general issues with emotional regulation and sensitivity. It isn't absolutely necessary for someone to have intense mood swings that are up and down throughout the day to be diagnosed with BPD, but people with BPD are really emotionally sensitive in general, so that's what happens for a lot of people, but also, everyone is different. For me, I have some days that are more mood swingy, and other days are very stable, but overall I'm super sensitive regardless. It just depends what's going on in my life at the time. Do you have any other BPD symptoms that are causing your psychiatrist to believe that its BPD? For example, one thing I'd definitely consider is whether or not you have a fear of abandonment/rejection that interferes with your relationships and causes intense emotional responses. Are there patterns of black and white thinking, such as going from idealizing someone to devaluing them if they upset you or if you feel unstable in the relationship? Those relational parts of BPD are some of the symptoms that (in my opinion, at least) really set BPD apart from Bipolar disorder. Ultimately, if you're not really sure where your psychiatrist is coming from, definitely have a conversation with them basically asking "So I was wondering exactly which BPD symptoms I have, and which Bipolar symptoms I don't have, that are leading you to believe that BPD is definitely my diagnosis? And could it be both?" They should be able to explain with more information that is specific to you personally, because I think it can definitely get kind of confusing with the mood stuff, and there's technically a possibility of having both diagnoses.

Straight up!

Nyctophile she already did one on that! kzfaq.info/get/bejne/e5tmhpiUvLnapas.html

@@_just_TK they said /more/ videos on the issue meaning that they already knew about the video that has been posted.

@Nyctophile there is this other video that you may find helpful as well: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/bbiierGTyLSck4E.html (4 Borderline Personality Subtypes: Discouraged or "Quiet", Petulant, Impulsive, & Self-Destructive)

I wish she could do a Q-BPD and relationships one

Thanks I’ll check out the book

I can relate 😔

Leave him alone. You can't love. You can learn but it'll take lots of work.

same i have broken up more than 50 times in a year with my ex bf

Thank you for sharing this I been looking for anwsers about my ex too I don't know if it bpd or mpd. I don't know if I can help him I just know I can't be in that relationship anymore it broke me and made me depressed. I was with him the longest and he told me things I just don't know what to make of it

These people are very troubling to deal with and leave people with scars. Run away immediately at the first signs of the switchy abusive trash.

@@sunnyclouds1372 Make nothing of it, you were dealing with a mad person, nothing they say matters or counts because they are insane and their brain is not even functioning ir reasoning correctly, so forget it and get away from ups and downs and abuses. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/f9ldnrt7zrXFfJc.html

Sounds like my ex. He's diagnosed. Wondering if after a month he even realizes the destruction he's done.

Wondering the same about mine. She literally checked off every 9 boxes of the symptoms related to BPD and the love she gave was unfathomable and surreal, but she was SO self destructive, would lash out at everything, and started getting emotionally and physically abusive toward me. I really couldn’t ever put my finger on what was wrong with her. During fights I’d tell her mid fight like “why are you acting like this? Are you okay? Do you need therapy? This type of fight isnt normal... are you bipolar?” and right then and there she’d kind of stop and start bawling and admit she’s wrong and crawl all over me. She even told me she’d black out whenever she gets mad. My three biggest memories of her anger was when I once grabbed a towel out of the cabinet when I finished showering and she blew up at me for dirtying a towel she just washed, the second was all the times I’d try to help her cook but she’d put me down saying I don’t do it right although I’d follow her instructions, and the third was when we went to the casino and she put her money in her back pocket that had a hole in it and she made it all MY fault and blamed me for being such a shitty bf! I never realized it in the relationship, but after hearing the very few and small comments she made about her childhood, I realized hindsight that she was emotionally abused growing up. Even when we were around her mom she would emotionally and physically abuse her in front of me... I recall her telling me that her brother would wrestle with her and hurt her and her mom wouldn’t do anything about it and never even believed her or got her brother in trouble. I don’t even think her mom gave her praise for graduating high school. And I think small things like that put her through a lot, because that’s just one moment of 18 years of being around her mom... It was a VERY abusive and toxic relationship and I immediately lost weight when getting out, but after weeks of researching bipolar first and then eventually BPD and then watching more things about BPD, I can’t help but feel guilty and awful that it wasn’t her fault.

LaurenAshley 💓wow that’s awesome thank you!

I am so glad it was interesting and educational :) xoxo

What a lovely comment. I wish I had a friend like you ❤

Bless your heart.

musashihumar I’m glad to hear you are now in a healthy, happy relationship! Being a supportive partner is important yes, but I think that no matter what mental illness your partner may have, it’s equally important that they put in the work to manage their illness and to get better (therapy, medicine, etc.) if they don’t want and seek help, nothing is going to change.

hey, trying my luck here as the comment was month ago but, I am kind of in the same situation here. I finally 'got away' but could use some tools or some words of hope if you have anything to share...They're amazing people but as you said, really toxic and damaging when you are not armed for it...

You say that but ended up on this video and wrote your story . Do you feel guilt for leaving ? It seems maybe so

@@About36Greekss Just bc they share their experience? Sounds like projection.

Congrats Dude! Happy to hear it!

Awe I am so glad I can be a helpful resource and that you found this video helpful! xoxo

How did iit go?

@@Mellow-Minded probably shit show 😂

SAVE YOURSELF!

I'm pretty sure it went down the shitter. @@Mellow-Minded

Exactly. Thank you. So many people in these comments say toxic things about us eith bpd how were doomed and dont deserve love. It breaks my heart. You are so right ❤

Ummm no Go get therapy for one. Second realize you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you’ve healed from BPD 8-16 years So we should take pity on the rapiers and murders too right. Because their human underneath all there psycho. I don’t know what you call it but it’s called walking away for self preservation and allowing the person who needs help to get get therapy ( and yea we need help as well. We are raging codependents )

@@ssing7113 wow. So dumb. Good luck

@@ssing7113 you are being needlessly cruel

How's it going?

You ARE crazy, becauseyou are sick. . Radically accept that. No judgement and it's OK, but yes, BPD people are crazy. It's a serious mental health disorder. Don't sugar coat it. You are not misunderstood, you are broken. It's like if you had cancer. Sad and scary , but accept it and get treatment. God bless you.

Tough love personally does not work one bit, it sends me much much further into distress. I think everyone is different in how tough love may work but I definitely wouldn't recommend it to everyone because it can push BDP people over the edge

yes exactly- my parents are afraid to tell me bad news so they will avoid it and I'm like no I need to know because you lying to me is just going to make things worse.

Protosynthethos design - Its ideal that the cold hard truth and tough love works with you! I wish that worked with my partner. Even when I'd go to her gently and loving she would tear me to Smithereens!

yeah... haha NO if i did that my ex would of been like you're a narcissistic, a jerk, you're evil .. seriously dont even bother.

@@marz3502 i am with you on this tough love seems to mask an excuse to be critical which sends me further into a spiral of emotions... its acceptance and compassion and calmness that help me feel safe and stabiilize my brain!

Yeah ive avoided reading it because I've heard it's not great and can be insulting when you have it

Damn that’s awful. I’m sorry to hear that.

moon drive Agreed! A therapist gave this to me to read when I was in rehab years ago along with the other book mentioned here. I was completely blown away at what was in this book and confused as to how they use it as a helpful resource for anyone in a bpd relationship. I think because the book is popular, professionals who don’t specialize in bpd recommend it because there aren’t that many other resources available. But nevertheless, it certainly isn’t doing anyone any good in my opinion.

Oh no.For someone that has a strong feeling they have it stuff like that isn't reassuring.makes us feel worse :/

I also read in reviews that this book was totally out of line and not recommended, so I never read it. I have read several books and no single one gets everything perfectly, but so far I feel like I relate the most to Lost In The Mirror and have found that a pretty helpful resource. Really all I'm looking for is a book that can relate how I feel in triggering situations and why, in better words than I can come up with, and strategies to deal.

Spice Boy absolutely!

I am so sorry you had such a horrible time. please blame your husband by all means, his behavior has no excuse. but please don't blame the diagnosis itself. remember that some people with BPD are loving, compassionate, kind, and fair people. Your partner likely had ASPD or NPD in addition to BPD if he had such a lack of empathy.

Me too... I did everything I knew to support her. I gained weight. I stopped going out... I changed everything to try and make her feel safe. I was her enemy, her savior, her everything sometimes all within an hour. She'd have to "get in it" and go through the wild violent mood swing until she was exhausted and ready to be taken care of. Then she'd apologise and say that I didnt deserve this. She said it was me and her against this "other being" that she couldnt control. Finally after 2 years of abuse I barely escaped. Reading your post made me feel less alone. Thanks.

I am so sorry that he was so awful to you, but please know that many borderlines are not like that at all.

Same here my dear, I was in a relationship with an untreated / unmedicated bipolar disorder man for 7 years. Hell on earth. Still trying to build up my self esteem and relax... he also had ocd and needed to control literally everything, including me. Leaving the relationship had me feeling 10 years younger instantly! I'm trying to get better and now think I might have quiet borderline or some kind of mood/ abandonment disorder.

As someone with my own history of BPD, I totally agree with your points, especially the first one. A lot of the time, I'm seriously not being irrational, and things I'm upset about are actually real, but I am being very emotional because I'm overwhelmed. I've been through DBT and I know how to "check the facts" and make sure I'm not just creating some kind of irrational scenario in my own mind. So, when people act like I'm over-exaggerating or blowing things out of proportion when I'm just REALLY upset about something legitimate, just makes me feel invalidated and it drives me nuts. It makes me 100 times angrier, and I honestly think this is a common issue among people with BPD, because others often misunderstand why we react the way we react and why our emotions are so intense, and people assume that we are purposely acting emotional or dramatic in order to get attention or to be manipulative. This just isn't true, and the emotions are very real, very intense, and can be very difficult to deal with, and sometimes we really do have every right to be really upset about whatever we are upset about. Doesn't mean we always react in the best way, but I definitely don't want to feel like someone is minimizing my pain or my experience. This is especially true in a romantic relationship, where either person can sometimes be wrong in an argument, and I don't need my partner assuming I'm always blowing things out of proportion and that they are always right and they're the "sane" one, just because I've been diagnosed with a particular disorder in the past. They need to be able to listen and try to understand where I'm coming from and WHY I'm upset, even if the emotions can seem over the top at times. With that said, it's my job to try to make those reactions less over the top, but I need people to hear what I'm telling them, not just focus on the fact that I might be yelling, or whatever. As for calling 911, I think thats a bit complicated, because you definitely don't want to ignore someone whose suicidal and turns out they go through with it, and you didn't do anything to get them help. However, most of the time if I've ever said anything about self-harm or suicide, I really just need the other person to be there and calm me down, because I'm overwhelmed. But that's just me. It's a difficult judgment call sometimes, and unless you're 100% sure nothing's going to happen, I'd consider calling 911. I'm sorry to hear that your ex used that as a threat, and not for the right reasons :(

girl same

Agreed

#1 sounds like a way to invalidate you, and #2 a way to control you. NPD people can take "normal" things and twist them into manipulation tactics. I think the key point in these things is "say it with love, respect, and compassion." Which with your average partner, is probably going to be the case, because they love you. But yeah, with an NPD partner, they don't love you, so stuff's not said with that intention. I wonder, if someone who actually genuinely loved you, we're to say, "my dear, I know it feels so big, but it's not truly as big as it feels; your mind is running away with it, it will be ok," if that would feel better? Of course, you could have a totally valid trigger around that entire subject in general, because of your ex abusing you in that area... I was with an NPD guy for years, and I don't have BPD, and I totally had to fight sensitivity with feeling like someone was invalidating my opinion and point of view if they didn't agree with many assessment of something or didn't understand why I was upset. Of course, for me it all actually started with my mom in my childhood, but many ex totally used that to manipulate me. It's called gaslighting. But man, coupling gaslighting with someone's BPD big emotions? That sounds like a doozy. There's a reason people tend to call NPD's "evil."

hug big. at least you know better now. only know since some months too. my gf too. we hurt each other before we knew.

13lindamarie I would love that to. I disconnected from my BPD mother and I still feel guilty about it from time to time.

@lynnwrites run away. Get as far away as you possibly can. It's not worth another moment of your finite existence. Go find people that make you happy and that you can make happy and don't look back. Speaking from experience (same as you).

I’m so glad I’m not that type I would do anything to be free of this shit. It genuinely sucks not only the ways it affects me directly but even more so the ways it impacts my friends and family even when I don’t mean to hurt anyone. I feel cursed

Yay! I hope it helps :) xoxo

my relationship does not last more than three months, I am afraid that I will not be able to fall in love. Is it possible to love someone again, as much as the first time?

Man SAME BOAT!!!

It would’ve still been traumatic. Speaking out of personal experience. If the pwBPD is unwilling to take ownership for their disorder and get therapy then it’s a dead end street.

Currently in a similar situation. Had to break up with my ex because of this for my mental health. It's not at all easy but I'm hoping he does seek treatment.

Exactly everything was a war, it was even my fault that I didn’t remind her about taking her medication even though Alexa reminded her everyday and she would acknowledge the reminder but I was the bad guy who didn’t care enough