When the breakup happens, you really see peoples true colors. Sometimes once you breakup you see it wasnt love. It all becomes clear.

Love isn't a mood. It's a commitment even after your mood has changed

It's hard when you love unconditionally and your partner is not evolved enough to. Although it's hard to get mad, at the same time, as they don't know what true love is.

Lack of consistency creates so much uncertainty, it's exhausting. Very selfish from a partner who's claimed to love you

My father always says, “ better now than later. Now you know.”

"You see a person's true color when you're no longer beneficial to them." Lessons learned in a very hard way

Yeah. The cold ending without being prepared to work on a solution makes you question wtf just happened

"Love" means many different things to many different people...

" .. Real love means i don't like you right now but i still love you ..." spot on .. Much of respect to you from Morocco

Susan, this video and topic was extremely helpful as I'm grieving a big breakup. It answered the question that has been circling my mind day after day. This video helped me find closure without the desperate need to see or talk to him again. That was a big issue since he moved to another state and stopped all communication. One minute we were making plans to grow old together and the next minute, poof, gone completely. Thank you again for helping me make sense of it and find some peace to move on.

You just described what happened to me... 4.5 months of an amazing, and effortless connection (which was verbalized to me countless times), along with telling me how attracted she was and how things were so easy with me... then, like flipping a switch she said she wants to be nothing more than friends... and then she was gone... not one peep out of her since she walked... I'm left with wondering if I was delusional... I know what was said to me, I know how she kissed and touched me... I saw how she looked at me... and then a straight punch to the gut, out of no where... I gave it a few weeks without contacting her, thinking something happened, and she needed space... then was given the friends speech (after an hour of conversation like we near missed a moment apart)... the next morning I then decided to return all her gifts, Christmas gifts included, along with all of her personal items she had at my home, showed up unannounced to her home, gave them personally to her with a goodbye card, asked for my things that were inside her home, kissed her on her forehead (like I always did), turned and walked away, got into my truck and left. I kept things calm and classy. I have worth and quality. But it still hurts like hell... to not know and understand... they only thing I can attribute it to is her being a widow of 2 years, after being with her husband for 30 years... a wife, a mother, and now a widow... This thing called life Susan...

I don't see how someone can turn off feelings like a faucet.

You are such a kind, beautiful, insightful woman/counselor. Thank you for helping so many of us heal.

How to have open heart and not destroyed? 2 answer: Boundaries and awareness. Boundaries set the limit what kind of attitude treatment u will tolerate. Awareness will make u become observer and open your eyes to see who they really are behind the mask. Thank you susan.😊

It was very real for me but I’m starting to think not so real for her. Still grieving for her 5 weeks after she left. Hate being strangers now. Thought of meeting anyone else now and having to start dating again at 50 fills me with gloom. I wanted her

Hi Susan, Your videos have been very comforting. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for seven years and I was completely blindsided by our break-up. We broke things off last June of this year because he told me he had feelings with his office mate. He claimed nothing happened between them but he was having feelings with the girl. Even if we broke things off, we still kept on seeing each other, going on dates, even celebrating our supposed 7th anniversary last September. But last two weeks ago, he suddenly told me that he and the girl are now together and have slept together (whilst we were still seeing each other after the break up). So this video hits so close to home as I constantly ask myself was it ever real? We were happy and honest with each other, then suddenly, like being splashed with cold water, he tells me he loves the girl whom he met for less than a few months and are now a couple. I have cut all communication with him. He occasionally texts me, apologizing, checking up on me, but I don't reply. I have been faithful and committed to our relationship but it has really taken its toll on me. I feel as if all the time and effort I've spent with the guy was for nothing. That nothing was ever real. This break up has been so difficult but I'm doing my best to move forward. I'm sorry for this long comment. I do not usually comment on your videos but I have watched all of them. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

I love this...if my ex who ended things abruptly ever comes back around, I'll be sending him this video with a big "no thanks!"

Thank you this video helps a lot. My boyfriend wasn't there for me at all when my dad got cancer so I took a break from him, he had done this previously before, not being there for me, and I kept trying to work on it with him, he kept saying he'd fix it and it would be fixed for a while and go away. I told him I really needed him there for me and he was not, and he needed to work for me, apologize to me, make me be his priority to both of us, and he kept saying he loved me and he would do it. Finally I got back to him and he was already back to the same as he was, being selfish and not thinking about me and what I needed to be able to keep our relationship going on. He finally said he did not love me when I was sad as I should have been and decided he just couldnt make up for it, even with what I told him I needed. I did not ask for a lot nothing that I never gave or wouldnt have given for him but he just said he couldnt. Now things are over between us. I never knew the break would cause this. It is a massive surprise, all the while he kept saying he loved me, he needed me, he wanted me, but he wouldnt do what he needed to keep me. I still dont know whether that is real love or not, maybe my love for him was just not felt the same for him? Maybe he thought he loved me but he just didnt really love me the way I think someone in true love does. We'd been together for over two years. I feel like all my effort and love was null and void, not reciprocated the same way.

Hi Susan, you're so right in your insight. There are only that tiny percentage of us that can have that profound deep love. It takes enormous courage. We are all human and have needs and desires. We have to live in reality, what I mean by that we only have so much time and energy in this life. I have experienced this my self directly, express yourself, communicate as best you can, there can be no assurance that the other person feels the same way.

Hi Susan! I think I have done this before. And will do as many times I need to tell you how much your words and charm to address these issues have helped me to keep moving from the failed relationship of my life. The one I thought I had finally found to be in and happy. Each day it loses relevance in my life as I gain self awareness and my ability to recognize I am a person capable of loving someone but someone who can also stay confident and love life alone when my expectations for a relationship aren't met or played with. Thank you.

She is amazing , just listening to her makes me feel like she’s right here with me giving me advice face to face 🥰😌

Thank you Susan!! I watch your videos every night before bed INSTEAD of crying over him!!

I always think of Jane Austen with this one. "There are as many forms of love as there are moments in time" it's from Mansfield Park

yassssss susan you are slayinggggg

Susan, This video very painfully describes my situation and sorry to hear for so many others as well, although it has been at the expense of many heartbreaks in my life I am glad to know I am real. Thank you

I’ve just had a break up and this really resonated with me. Thank you for giving me some strength in my difficult path moving on

Seven weeks ago still no contact from him at all. I gave him three text messages the past five weeks. Short messages no response came back blocked. I am moving on I’m not thinking about it anymore I’m throwing a towel when I quit

Susan I had a rewarding career did everything the rite way by putting one foot in front of the other! I’m am 60 years old retired and single! I fell in love with a Narcissist it only lasted eight months. I fell in love with someone who can’t love me back! I could have stayed in the relationship. I have never felt so much pain in my life from this breakup. The manipulation, triangulation, and cheating! I was spinning my wheels I thought a Narcissist was just a conceited person till I started too google his traits only too discover he is a NPD!!! I feel like my soul has died😭

"The coming and going of these people are kinda like whatever " well said Susan!🤗 A journey of discovery! Growing and learning!

"Profound, everlasting, love...Not many people want to feel that." I wonder how that truly feels like. I have no problem liking someone (Not for sex, but for companionship -- Having the ability to share something of myself to another person. Sex is superficial most of the time. Having someone beside me, experiencing life through thick and thin, is almost priceless). I don't quite understand "Love." We see romantic Love in Disney Movies, for instance. But, is that Love realistic, though? We see all the joyful moments two characters (usually a man and a woman) experience when they embrace each other. (Hugging, kissing). But, why don't we ever see the struggle they go through with their relationship..? We don't see their hardships, because it takes *a lot* of effort, maybe, to sustain a relationship? Sometimes, so much so that it becomes too hard? Too toxic?

After leaving I realized it wasn't love, I stayed for almost 2 years, I was so blind sided by his love bomb, never had any man love me like that before. I new something wasn't right, but I kept going back. When I decided to walk away. He posted his new supply on Instagram. That was when I blocked him. That time away from him let me realize he never loved me, only for what I was doing for him. It hurt like hell. But I Will be OK.

Susan ,I think you are not a relationship coach ,you are much bigger,you are a life coach. I hope your insight and detail analysis of human mind is a treasure trove for me. Respect and regards.

I love listening to u Susan and yes I agree the most sophisticated con artists are the ones with an element of truth to their con! I'm here for me....

Susan, you speak of unconditional and "eternal" love. I wonder if you could make a video on this topic. I suspect all of us would be interested to hear more about this. Thanks for your thoughtful videos.

I’m glad you showed up on my KZfaq, it’s a blessing having so much knowledge share about love. Thank you 🙏

No magic formula. What has gone has gone. Healing takes time, knowledge, and a determination to move on.

I can't express how much I LOVE your words, you are the best! Thank you!!!!

Susan, you are an amazing human being. You have the ability to soothe those who are hurting and bring clarity to mind of the importance of possessing emotional intellect and provide us with the tools we need to meet our goals in our development. You are truly gifted and are one of a kind. Thank you so much for being You! Thank You for caring and giving to so many!

I can't help to say "bravo" to your excellent speech, you're a wonderful woman, indeed ! Thank you very much! Here from Burgundy of France. 🍷

I feel I'm one of the few who can tap into that deep deep unselfish love... but I have to learn to know who is worthy of it, appreciative of it, and can love me back the same way. Ao often I feel like I'm tricked and taken advantage of... and left broken and spent.

I love your calming presence, Susan. Thank you for helping navigate a different time in my life.

This comforted me alot, I am looking for deep unconditional love , not fleeting love , I feel sorry for my ex that he only wanted fun and fleeting love

My God, you do it again every time. Another spot-on video!

I have learned the hard way that very few people when given the opportunity for everlasting love ever go down that road. Fear, uncertainty, greed and eventual boredom over time always get in the way……want unconditional love???……buy a dog !

you are amazing! Just when I need a reminder to believe in myself and not let old thoughts get me, I come and listen to you and you put the hope back in my mind.

I don't like you right now, but I still love you !! Wow.. That line got me 👍👍...love from a broken heart from India

Always on time for me to see this... I keep on telling myself and reality is not real... but I have to keep watching your videos to convince me reality is reality... I have to wake up...

Beautiful Lady "Both inside and Out" You Have Helped And Taught Me a BUNCH in the last Month!!!

Oh I love you Susan Winters. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

So much truth in this video. Needs watching and re-watching. Thank-you Susan.

So helpful. Thank you as always Susan.

Susan. Thank you for your different pieces of advice. You're right on the money. It's refreshing to see someone who actually takes this stuff seriously. You have a beautiful mind.

If you wanted to fight for it, it was real. Even if you lost, the urge to make it work was enough proof that it was real. However, just like what Susan said, anything can turn around and we're all in this game. Either your ex turned their back or us in the process. Attraction changes and so as our intentions. Reason why people get divorced after 10+ years of marriage or couples of 3 months also break up. We're just not that consistent sometimes and I think this is a primitive behavior because there was a time when our main goal was to only populate this planet, now it's different.

Oh Susan, what a ‘blessing’ your ‘truth’ is. Thank you from outback Australia 🇦🇺👏🏼

Good morning coach!

Your real love comment is so spot on 😊😊😊😊

I am not even surprised to hear about the current craziness of emergency coaching requests due to sudden breakups. Venus is currently in retrograde, causing our love lives to transform into a whirlwind of chaos and confusion.

thank you, a so precious content, yesterday i ended it because it was not consistent , feeling down but i told him my truth

Dearest Susan. I have been following you up for quite a long time and think that your comments are fantastic ! They have all helped me a lot. Now my question which should resonate with quite a lot of women too : Many people think that I am a great person. Good looking woman. Lots of strenght. Personality. Creativity. And so on. Blabla. Yes, I do believe them. Most of them are my friends. They know me. But : Can I fall for men who are seriously interested in me ? Why do I always meet men who are a real challenge ? (Skip out those who are still married/end of marriage etc.... no way !) I feel like a nutcracker wanting to do sth about it. And after my recent breakup with a very good man (there were flaws too on both sides obviously) I lose a bit of hope. Just a bit. But the nutcracker issue turns around in my head. Thank you.

For me it’s the sweetest people seem to become quite the opposite at the end

Thank you for your support Susan.

This hit home. Thank you.

Susan Winter- what a tremendous beauty. I love learning from you.

So happy I found you... been struggling for more than 2 years.

I was dumped by someone I deeply loved. I ruined no contact numerous times. I even dated a few people after the breakup. But I still love my ex. What do I need to do to get the power back and for her to actually miss me? Yes I was blocked from social media and text messages. Unblocked from text messages!!

Susan, see what's really happening. People are taught all over online to ignore their partners in order to become more attractive. Eventually these people close up so much that they cannot longer feel attraction for anybody. Furthermore if both persons choose this attitude, they feel mutually excluded. When in reality the problem never existed.

This video was amazing! Thank you Susan.. blessings to you and your puppy

If only two people can love each other the same level and stay together, but that's not the case

Needed to hear this today, thanks Susan. This really spoke to me I’m grateful for you.

Yes Good Morning from beautiful Southern California! I was just thinking about this topic last night and wondering the same: Was any of this real, or was it just delusional and a fantasy on my part? As an empath I felt and continue to feel a deep spiritual connection I cannot rationally explain, but thanks primarily to your videos and deeply revealing insights I am making progress through the grief stages and becoming stronger and more detached. Working now on becoming the best version of myself with new projects. Thank you so much for being on this journey with us! 💕

Thankyou for helping me with the answers I needed. x

thank you for this.... real love is always consistent

Thank you Susan. Found your channel and it is the most helpful and amazing content that help me going through this painful breakup that I had. I'm still healing myself and your videos give answers that I really need which I never got from anyone before. Just want you to know that Im grateful I found your channel. God bless you

This talk is incredible. Thank you!

Thank you Susan! You saved me so much heartache!

I just love you, and this channel. Thank you!

Thank you for another amazing video. I come from a family of deep unconditional love. I’m finding that a lot of people don’t have that capacity. Most men I date seem to be surface conditional in and out love. Perhaps the masculine collective will continue to wake up in their heart space and be open and vulnerable to deep intimacy! It has been a challenge for me and I appreciate your grace in helping me understand as you share with so much emotional intelligence. 🙏🏻💫🧜‍♀️

I have unconditional eternal love. I try not too.

susan，you are the most healing woman ever！thank you for this！

Love your wisdom. So intense, apt and perfect. Thank you ever so much. You are like the big sister I wanted to have to guide me through the murky waters of love, till I reach the crystal pools. I won't stop trying! God bless you for the amazing help you are to (wo)mankind!!

omggg you look STUNNING. as always thanks for your words

Yes indeed and your welcome and continue and stay on-with the truth,facts.

Love is what we do when we're not good enough for who we're with

Thank you , you are great !

Thanks so so so much Susan for this wonderful video - so short but this hits sooo many issues for me all in one video that’s less than 10mins and answered all my issues of nature of love vs real deep profound love that’s eternal and while I believed he loved me he didn’t love me truly. Not the way you explain it .... that we lived and had a life together and I love your ending and your definition of real love which you say so eloquently that just resonated with me so much it’s like you were speaking directly to me - ‘understand too, that real partnership is only living in the consistency of that love, real partnership means we suffer a set back, I get mad at you and you get mad at me, we don’t get wot we want but I don’t go running away coz that’s conditional, real love means I don’t like you right now but I still love you. Each time you get out of a break up, you learn more about yourself, human nature and you learn more about life, it should make you stronger and still allow you to love because ultimately you are there for yourself.’

I love your videos… you are so wise and elegant

Susan, you are really amazing! Thank you very much for your videos.

That is so true. It seems like just a dream after so many years. I say it takes ten years to forget

thank you thak you ... you are lifting me up in what i am going through... if i didnt watch your videos i will be in another bad place !!! thanks i really thank you

You’re amazing and you help me put things into perspective. God bless!

He would run when he was inconvenienced by having to change. Good bye

OK, so here's the questions: how do you deal with this? How do you deal with the feelings of pain and indignation you are left with after someone only wanted to "play" with you (as in "fill their temporary needs") and you feel for it, for them, and feel in love, and thought they did too (and maybe they did, at the time, but knew very well what they were here to get) and then suddenly start to "slow fade" as you mentioned in another video, and you discover they started talking to someone else, and when you confront them they make it your fault, that YOU were obsessed, and downplay what you had together, and you make the mistake that I did of buying into this because they confused you, that maybe they were right, and ultimately they leave you for this other person and in you basically allow it, enabled them because in your confusion you "beg and plead", you "understand (them), while you deal with a conflict between what they made you believe and your true feelings of hurt and betrayal (which occassionally come up and they call you "passive-aggressive" as they continue to move further with this other person). And eventually you wake up one day months later realizing that you were wronged by them AND let them walk all over you beyond that and recognize that as hurt, mad, and indignated as you are, you now have no power to do anything about it because that time is gone. All you can do is block them, go into complete radio silence, lock them out of your life and allow yourself to heal, and all this time your dealing with and realizing all these that happened to you, that they did, and you can now do nothing about it. How do you deal with that??

Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for this..

Sad but true Susan, thank you

This too shall pass🙏🏼

The fleeting & capricious nature of love is often easily overlooked. It's a Very imp topic & distinction to settle in the mind when considering intimacy. There are levels...

new subbie, this video has given me the strength i needed today, thank you so much!!!!

You have answered all my questions. Thank you ton💖🌈

Thank you Susan. Another excellent podcast. Could you do one on getting over a mutual profound impossible love (age diff, different Country, one unavailable, work together) thank you

My guy barely ever missed me. He wasn't jealous if I was with other people, which is healthy but ultimately it made me feel unwanted. If you never seem to care if I'm withdrawn or doing too much without them then what's the point of being in a relationship?? I get you should let your partner have freedom but if you never question they will ever leave you, you are setting yourself up for disaster, because you have assumed they will never leave, which is very arrogant. You have to want to show your love for them so they know you are for real and not taking you for granted.