We're going to review 6 often overlooked risks men invite into their lives when they decide to date a single mother. First I'll open with why men tend to date single mothers, then talk about the 6 main risks, then close with when dating a single mother might make sense for a man.
In some tribes, after combat, if a father dies, they terminate the children since their chance of survival is low
The 6 risks are:
- Cuckoldry
When you take on the financial, parental and emotional burden of raising another mans children, you are by definition a cuckold, no exception. Society celebrates it today. You’ll often see articles titled “The case for being a cuck.” The truth is, it’s nothing to celebrate.
No last name, no genetic legacy to pass down. These two points have historically been the biggest selling points to men for fatherhood.
To add insult to injury, women overwhelmingly have primary parenting of children the vast majority of the time and men don’t. So if you are a divorced father, then you might actually end up spending more time parenting another man’s children, than your own.
- Responsibility w/o Authority
You have the same parental responsibilities as a biological father, but without any of the authority of a parent. You will have parental responsibility for birthdays, travel, holidays, ski trips, the beach and the list goes on.
You will be filling the shoes of “Daddy” and your financial resources will be warmly welcomed, but at some point during a grievance, you will also eventually hear them say something resembling “You are not my father.”
They will be “our” kids when she needs you, but “her” kids when you need to discipline them or enforce boundaries.
Strangely if you are a single father you will learn that, when your kids need something, your children are never “ours” but selectively yours, yet most men discover that women want authority over his kids, without responsibility.
- The victim mindset
They often brag on social media about how they are strong, independent, and “don’t need no man,” but turn to the government for handouts, and/or their children’s father(s) for financial support.
I dated a lot of single mothers that would complain about the father of their children and often heard her use disparaging terms like: loser, dumb, deadbeat, beta or boring. If I would ask them why they married him, or had kids with him, their face would turn to stone as if to say, “how dare you hold me accountable for my choices.”
There was no ownership for her choices.
I’ve never a met a single mother that wasn’t a self-proclaimed feminist. To identify as a feminist, you must have an oppressor, and every woman oppressed is a victim when it comes to feminist logic.
The victim mindset requires her to be unhappy, unlucky and oppressed. I found out first hand when I started to date these women how hard done by she claimed she and her children were, and it was always someone else’s fault. This mindset is also often adopted by her children.
So if something doesn’t go their way, they will emotionally manipulate their mother
- Financial Issues
Most men discover that single mothers gravitate to professions like: nursing, teaching, dental hygiene, daycare work, beauty salons and products. Few women enter into jobs that pay over six figures, so when I was dating them I found it was quite difficult to meet a single mom that earned as much as I did.
For the most part, they aren’t driving nice cars, living in nice houses, in good neighbourhoods or have their mortgages paid off. You will inevitably be called upon to pay for her life, and her children’s.
I’ve had several coaching calls with men where they paid off her debts, bought her kids cars, and paid for their college tuition. It’s quite common for uninitiated men to make themselves less, so she and her children can become more.
- Your re-prioritization
When you get involved with a single mother, you will never be her priority. Most men find their place in a pecking order behind her needs, her kids needs, her work issues, her wine drinking nights with her “sisters”, her salsa nights out, then her cat.
You will often be expected to make your hobbies and passions less of a priority, so you can focus on hers. They are “dream killers" when you let them.
- The BIG risk
- When it might be ideal to date a single mom