“The trouble is he was born stupid and his only choice was to become a fool and a moron...” hilarious 😂

Davis' character is named "Captain Morgan"... yeah, even the script is foreshadowing that heavy amounts of drinking will be needed to go through this one.

I know I'm years late, but I freaking LOVE Cutthroat Island! It's ridiculous but so much fun. You just have to accept that it's a very tall tale. Like if a kid wrote it hahaha - it's just fun. And dumb. Some dumb fun 😜

I love how he gets progressively more and more incoherent the longer the review goes on. Excellent continuity ❤️

I’m probably the only person who actually enjoyed this film. Swashbuckling, explosions, pirates and corny dialogue. It was fun if you didn’t over think it. As for Frank Langella, his over the top villain was the best thing about it.

"Hello ground... I'm going to throw up on you .... I apologize for the inconvenience"

Go home, Captain. You're drunk.

Captain Morgan, he's our hero! Gonna take sobriety down to zero!

Poor Matthew Modine. He's a very talented, often underrated actor, but you'd never know it watching this.

You know it's sad when the monkey is the best actor in the entire film.

I actually found this movie entertaining and not as bad as people make it out to be. I think most come in to watching this movie with the bias of it being one of the biggest box office bombs, nitpick the shit out of it and just jump on the hate bandwagon. Far from a perfect film, it is still a good pirate action flick. I found the cinematography, shots, film type, and location were almost flawless. Not so much for the casting choices though. I thought Mathew Modine was ok, but Geena Davis was not. It's not the most engaging or amazing screenplay, but it works for what it is. Just a dueling pirates treasure hunt action story. I give it a 6 out of 10, maybe even a 7 for a good music score and again, for the the great attention to detail that went into set/costume designs, and use of wide angle to take in the beautiful locations. I will actually have to knock it back down to a 6.5 due to the unrealistic "michael bayesque" explosions riddled throughout the film. :D

'Captain Long John Thomas'...took me *three* seconds to get it, and *thirty* seconds to stop laughing.

AUSSIE PIRATE!

Truly, the story of the making of "Cutthroat Island" is far more entertaining than anything that actually showed up on screen. There were something like half a dozen or more screenwriters brought in to try and make the script workable and none of them could make it work.

My UK VHS copy of Cutthroat Island was so much better than the DVD I later purchased. The improved picture quality in the DVD ironically showed up a lot of the flaws and fake-looking sets. There were many cuts and editing in the UK version too. According to IMDb, 72 seconds were removed from the UK theatrical running time and another 4 shaved off for the VHS. By cutting some of the violence it actually made the fight scenes faster and more intense. And that line "I took your balls" was changed too, so it took me totally by surprise when I first heard it in this very well-made review. Thank you.

Your drunken pirate impression made this review one of your funniest in my opinion.

"Hello, ground. Sorry for throwing up on you again after Dungeons & Dragons"

This movie was such a huge flop that movies about pirates weren't successful on the silver screen until Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl broke that trend eight years later.

"Contractually obligated" sounds like marriage.

Smeghead your "British" accent sounds more Australian than anything.

My brother and I actually liked this movie when we first saw it... mostly because we loved everything pirate at the time and this had pirates. Looking back at it, I can honestly say that I still like it. I don't love it but I feel it's a decent pirate movie. It's a guilty pleasure to say the least.

I swear this movie is like One Piece done wrong

I am ashamed, this is one of my guilty pleasure movies, i love it :(

For some reason, the accent you put on for this review sounds a lot like Hugh Jackman's normal voice, or at least before you get "Drunk". The Drunk accent slowly becomes Captain Jack Sparrow.

You've been watching Crocodile Hunter, haven't you? Silly man. XD Your bogan Australian/Pommie/Irish accent was adorable though.

It’s no less or more campy and cheesy than Pirates of the Caribbean. The soundtrack is amazing.

That was funny when you said it failed to make Geena Davis an action star because she did later star in A Long Kiss Goodnight where she was able to PROVE that she can be an action star.

"Ainslee assumes Trotter is catching up because he's stupid and needs help..."

Like Masters of the Universe, Frank Langella is the only thing worth watching in this movie And I have to commend you. In about 20 seconds of the intro you went around practically every regional accent of the British Isles in one sentence ;)Then I see you settled in Australia. G'day mate

Totally Australian accent. Great review too! Subscribed!

Holy shit I watched this movie yesterday and loved every single second of it. I don’t understand how they used the worst possible take for every single line in the movie

This movie is very underrated. It has high production value, awesome sets and costuming, great cinematography, and an awesome heroine with flaws unlike certain Mary Sue characters out now. The acting isn’t great, there is suspension of disbelieve with some of the stunts , and certain lines are cringeworthy. Yet the stunts aren’t nearly as cheesy as they are today (cough cough Pirates of the Caribbean) , and the score is ineffably amazing. The score is what made this a truly epic movie. The main theme blasts during the opening credits with the cartography montage. It sets the scene by sending you back in time. Plus the horse racing against the rising tide on the sandbar during sunset is visually stunning and musically bombastic. The film really is an homage to Captain Blood, in many ways. I was 11 when Cutthroat Island came out, and I was very disappointed that it was out of the theaters in a blink of an eye. The timing was off, it was released during Christmas time when it should have been released in the summer (being a pirate movie after-all). It would have likely done better. Muppet Treasure island came out around the same time period, and is an awesome film. The director said he made the movie for 12 year olds, and as a twelve year old (when I eventually saw it on vhs) I loved it.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume the next movie is The Legend of Hercules.

19:08 "They had a rope... and they fish him out with a stick..... I think this lot's must have drunk more than I have."

I am seriously impressed that you managed to keep up that accent for the whole episode! XD Good job.

Why do you sound Australian when you are trying to do a British pirate accent? @.@

Your accent is better than any of the actors' accents in the movie

What crackhead of a pigeon would fly in a storm at night?!

4:20 Your description of "civilized society in 17th-century Jamaica" is absolutely priceless.

The kid on the right at about 8:05 is Christopher Masterson. He played the eldest brother on Malcolm in the Middle, and he played a role as the kid Lucy Butler kidnaps in Millenium (A Room With No View, Season 2). I saw the face and recognized it from Millennium. Did some searching, thought I'd share.

this is the greatest thing I've ever seen. I almost wish you could do every review as a drunken pirate

Awww, I thought it was gonna be Waterworld XD. Oh well, this is just as good.

So Rise of Skywalker is basically this movie in space with the third act of Avengers: Endgame grafted on.

Dude, love how you used the Monkey Island theme as background music in the beginning

I love the Monkey Island music. that game was so awesome!

Love this episode. Definitely one I'll be watching again. Your accent had me giggling throughout the entire thing. Diane

You drank enough to have killed all but Andre The Giant. Hilarious! Your best work yet in my opinion. Would love to have seen Mensa member Genna having a serious discussion about this movie on say The Actors Studio or Regis and Kathy Lee. There indeed were SO MANY ridiculous death defying moments but, i must agree with you on the "Bad Dog" cannon ball shot. I was waiting for you to fall down at the end and you delivered. Now I wish you would do a second version where you actually begin to REALLY drink straight rum. I predict you would last perhaps twenty minutes before passing out. It would be beyond hilarious.

15:55 actually marooning and killing by gunshot are pretty much the same except if anything marooning is by far the more unpleasant with just being shot the death is pretty much instant whereas for marooning the prisoner is abandoned on a deserted and barren island away from trade routes so no chance of rescue, no water source for drinking, no fruit to eat or animals to kill for food and if possible no trees for shelter or firewood, in other words absolutely no chance of long term survival, all you are given is a couple of bottles of rum and a pistol with a single round of ammunition the choice is to either die slowly of hunger, thirst and exposure while falsely hoping for rescue or to end it quickly with the pistol

28:12 Holy crap! I didn't notice that when I first saw this. You're right, that is might silly!

I LOVE Cutthroat Island, it's an amazing movie and I liked it a lot more than pirates of the caribbean and the music is stunning

Still better than the last 3 pirates of the Caribbean movies

Best homemade green screen ever!

Your content is always excellent, but this? Wow and more!

There was a 1 minute ad in front of this video, I let it play in entirety for the sake of this accent. It doesn't exist anywhere on earth (though at times it stops for a break in the Australian outback) and that is endlessly more amusing than the film was.

This is one of favorite reviews of yours

Nice Captain Jack Sparrow impression!

I was 24 yrs old when I saw this at theatres and actually liked it. I was less cynical and was really into fictional pirates growing up. Id say the best pirate movie is Disney's 1950 Treasure Island starring Robert Newton as Long John Silver.

A bit unusual to see you playing a character during the whole review but it was kinda great, you should do that more often. :D

I loved that movie.

29:05 I like how the 2 ships have been firing at each other non stop for several minutes and yet there is not even a scratch on their hull. They are probably made of bullshit.

Your acting in this review was great.

I know it’s considered bad internet etiquette to leave comments on old videos, but I had to let you know I was very happy when 35 minutes in, you acknowledged he really is just Discount Cary Elwes. ❤️😂🤣😂❤️

I know this movie isn't particularly fantastic, but to this day I'm baffled at how much hatred it gets. Many other films at the time, including the later Pirates of the Carribean films, are guilty of the exact same issues people cite with this movie (Underacting, Overacting, weird physics, etc.) I guess Johnny Depp's wacky performance just charmed everyone that much and this film was missing an equivalent? Honestly considering how many insane behind the scenes problems and drama happened in making this movie, it's a miracle that it it's so watchable and has impressive special effects that rival films made 30 years later.

Not gonna lie the tea party and the guy playing the fiddle during the final battle always get a laugh out of me.

This is one of your most entertaining reviews, you should try to do a character for every revjew

This is what happens when you make a Pirates of the Carribbean movie with Gina Davis instead of Johnny Depp.

"Opportunity successfully missed!" I use that on a daily basis.

"Ralph Fee-en-ness" ah :'D I used to pronounce it that way, too.

Is that Monkey Island music I heard at the beginning? :D Awesome!

I liked this movie a lot, I don't care if it bombed!!! I'd rather watch this than the last Pirates of the Caribbean stuff.

really enjoy your reviews you make me laugh and they are interesting, can you do some older movies classics like the thing 1982

I think Disney should remake this movie and call it: "Pirates of the Caribbean: Cutthroat Island." Hey, I like that title!

No, she said "Since I am so charitable, I will maroon you instead of splattering your brains across the bulkhead as you deserve."

Why the hell does everything look so new and polished in this POTC F-Minus?

It is in Cinematic Excrement moments like this, that I am concerned for smeghead that critic business watching all the bad vapid nonsense will take a toll on your health - physically as mentally.

Can you please Release a "Dubbed Version" that has you talking normal?

For what it's worth, the American accent didn't come along after the founding of the US. It was the normal accent of English colonists in the 17th-18th centuries, and the standard English accent evolved to its present form afterward. People wrongly assume that what we call an English accent today must have been "original" because…accents only evolve in the colonies? That said, if you can afford $100 million to spend on a movie, you can afford some accent coaching to make sure characters speak consistently.

A bunch of Pirates get tons of Gold from the bottom of the sea on their ship, thats the best part of the movie.

7:38 Is that Francis from Malcom in the middle.

This Film is in no way worse than Pirates of The Carribean II to XXV... (Yes, the first one was fine.)

I loved your performance as Long John Thomas. I used to watch this movie all the time as a kid with my sister. We always borrowed the VHS from my maw maw and I never noticed the guy playing the violin during the fight or the fact that the cannon ball should have ripped "dawg" open upon impact or where the goveners ship went.

OMG the opener reminds me of Sharkman Frank! Also, your accent makes me feel like i'm listening to a bogan, lol.

I love this video. Very funny.

This is one of my guilty pleasure movies. I will admit it.

That's one of the best Australian accents I've ever heard.

That's a somewhat impressive Australian accent. Seriously, how do you that? The last time I did that...I suddenly sound like Southerner.

Captain Long John Thomas, a legend in the making! I`d rather listen to him tell tall pirate tales than watch Cutthroat Island...again.

That is a spot-on Australian accent! ;-)

only half way through--best review ever.

"But I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night"... I could not stop laughing

Your Best Review - EVER! You should do all of them as characters that could be in the movie you are reviewing - LOL I have seen EVERY review you have posted on You Tube! All of them. Kind of sad I know - but I enjoyed them... Great job!

You had a lot of fun with this one didn't you?

Opening scene - unexpected cameo by Weird Al.

That was hilarious x'D Here's hoping Captain Long John Thomas makes another appearance very soon.

monkey island theme... you got my vote.

The monkey is on Morgan's side so she is the hero by having the real hero of the film on her side.

Missed your shot as Smegbeard🤣🤣🤣

Is it bad that I actually REALLY enjoyed this movie as a kid and still do to this day? And if it is, I don’t care, I’m still gonna like it. Fight me.

This guy's poor pirate accent (which sounds like a poor man's austrailian accent) and his later "drunken" acting made this video a really hard watch

Uh Smeghead, "Talk Like a Pirate Day" isn't for another 15 days! You're too early! Also, great Cpt Jack Sparrow impression and use of Monkey Island music.