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I am currently focusing on “I am not responsible for other’s emotions”

Wow! “I wanted to work on my relationships more than I wanted to work on myself” so true for me.

Realising I’m very codependent… especially regarding finances… I expect other people will take care of me because I don’t trust myself to take care of myself financially

Setting boundaries is useless. The relations you have now at this moment will not acknowledge these boundaries. They are used to walking all over you. I had to quit my job, leave my narcisissit husband and narcisissit father and i had to leave everyone and everything behind except my daughter. I now live in a small campervan with my early retirement pension. It's not easy, i have very little money but finally i'm no longer a slave or a robot. I am living my life ... finally 😊

Thank you so much. I am healing from narcissistic abuse, physical, emotional, verbal, mental, and spiritual abuse.

The pattern throughout my adult life tends to be, obviously because I am here, I keep choosing the same type of relationship. But the other pattern is that once I recover and find myself again I immediately lose myself once I get into a relationship. In finding myself after a relationship I spend all this time and effort becoming a well-rounded individual but the second I couple with someone I give all of that away and try and become “everything” for the relationship. I so easily give myself away and when I don’t get that same effort in return, I become empty and resentful.

I’m in the “setting boundaries” & “feel your own feelings” phase of this now. It’s ROUGH. I am/was the “giver.” I’ve done so much work on figuring out why she did certain things. Only recently did I start figuring out why I am in this cycle. It’s because of my mother. She passed away when I was 18 & I always felt the need to protect. Do everything I could for this person who often felt powerless. The situation I found myself in last almost 3 years. The dynamic was great at the beginning! But the scales started to tip. I did EVERYTHING I could to help her - with work, mental health, physical health & family. She stopped growing. Her problems persisted while it took a drastic toll on me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be with her again. I don’t know if I would want to be. But I hope the absolute best for her. She couldn’t grow with me; I hope she grows without me - because I am starting to be a better person without her. Bittersweet.

I've spent hours and hours wondering what is wrong with me and why I have to help everyone I come across, even if a small part of me doesn't actually want to help. I didn't know what to call it…

This has bought tears to my eyes. The realization I am a codependent. Now I know, I can work on this. Thank you, you're very kind x

It’s definitely a recovery process and breaking the habit of trying to cater to everyone else’s emotions. They will get ok while I’m over here needing more Botox

Thank you for putting this out to the world. Today I am bawling because my alcoholic husband doesn’t think he needs help. I can feel the pain deep inside of him and it scares me. Building self trust and going to al-anon are my next steps. My brain keeps going to my marriage relationship instead of going to me first and healing there. This video opened my eyes. Thank you, Michelle

I finally feel like i can trust myself not to do drugs ...im taking therapy and rehabilation and my relationship with my sister is healthy, self rewarding, and determination to gain trust

I attended a 12 step for codependency, but I don't like how they want you to say your name and then "codependent". I'm much more than just codependent traits that I learned. I'm a loved, cherished, child of God. I'm not going to label myself like that. I trust God to heal me of these behaviors that don't serve me well.

A process of unlearning unhealthy behaviors in relationships with self and others. 1) Build solid relationship with self. 2) Learn to assess our relationships i.e., stop the fixing, neg. outweighs the positive 3) Set boundaries in all relationships 4) Feel your OWN feels, not others 5) Identify enabling behaviorsi.e., doing too muvh, fixing, control 6) finding the right support 7)do family of origin work 8) Build self-trust

Love your pup in the background. Very comforting. ❤

Cute puppy chilling out in the background ❤

Codependency hurts so bad . It’s just such an agony

Great video which gives solutions but also describes codependency so well!

You have hit me perfectly. Boundaries. I am working hard on these! Thank you! ❤

Thank you for this video. Really just finding out I’m co dependent and wondered why my relationships were awful and I felt awful everyday. Connecting the dots finally. This was helpful

Hi Michelle. I come from this as a person that has mostly healed from codependency and this is a way of me checking up. Very important as I have (largely through the help of online therapists such as yourself) mostly done this all on my own. I know you wouldn't recommend it and I agree in the main, but I am an INFJ so I'm actually quite willing to be self-reflective and introspective once I intentionally choose to focus on my own problems instead of others around me. This has helped a great deal and part of the reason why I was able to instinctively navigate the onslaught of difficult emotions that I'd kept repressed and hidden for decades. While I have managed to overcome a veritable laundry list of issues I still see there are parts of me that are needing encouragement. Fortunately I now do all of those things you have mentioned in this video. I have finally rescued that broken child with the wounds of abandonment, neglect, guilt, shame, people-pleasing and anxious attachment. I still see that I have yet to trust myself fully with this new mindset (which is liberating in any case) and do worry as to how I'll navigate life and relationships at the other end, but I'm more than aware of the boundaries I need to set and that includes this relationship I have with myself. Thanks for the clarity you bring to this subject and know that your approach to it will definitely help people to heal.

Its like codependancy is the polar opposite to the narccissist? I guess this is why narccissists always seem to be in a relationship with a co dependant person? We fuel them? Thank you for the video, I have just realised that the psychologist I was seeing fortnightly was trying to get me to do exactly what you are saying to do to recover from co dependancy. Why didnt he just tell me I am co dependant? I have exited a 17 year marriage nearly 2 years now, the lonelyness is a killer but I have started to take up hobbies I used to have as a kid. But I still feel empty and struggle with self worth, validating my feelings and even listening to them. Its a long road to recovery 😔

This has been really helpful, and such an important guide to start healing and moving forward.

Thank you for being you. I always love your content. I'm learning how to set boundaries and evaluating what relationships I want to keep and which ones need to end.

yes and ditto! and thank you so much Xxx this has been really helpful, and such an important guide to start healing and moving forwards. Xxx

I've been doing coda 12 steps for almost 7 months now and I haven't felt like I've been doing step work in order. I've been listening to others at my therapy and becoming more and more self aware of how I have been doing things unknowingly based on fear so I've been looking deeper into myself. I have only just surrendered to the higher power, the universe. Only just releasing controlling aspects of my personality and getting a better relationship within myself. I copied it all from my mums behaviour after the break up with my dad but I think he also had some Co dependant traits and it lead to a toxic break involving kids. I love my parents and still speak to them but it's hard to heal around the people who made me this way. Hopefully soon I will see more of a change and be less frightened of intamcy. X

I've always known there was something wrong with the way I relate to other people, I just never knew what to name it. I even know where it came from, I've already had all the memories and the revelations. Now that I know what it is, I can go about fixing it. I'm just beginning to heal from it, but I think I'll start with trusting myself. I think if I can rely on my own feelings, it'll be easier to unlearn all the horrible anxiety I have surrounding voicing my own will.

Really good stuff. This had taught me that a relationship only enhances the way I already feel.

7 Key Elements to Recovery Unlearning dyfunctional behaviours learned in childhood Relationships + Relationship with self 1. Build a healthy/solid relationship with yourself 2. Assess your relationships, do the negatives far outweigh the positives? 3. Set boundaries in your relationships, help us honour our own boundaries and needs 4. Feel your own feelings, you feel others feelings other than our own. Your body is where your feelings get stored. We can make dangerous assumptions of others 5. Address and identify enabling and controlling behaviours. We only have control of ourselves not others 6. Finding the right support. Al-anon meetings, Life Coach, Therapist, coda 7. Do your family of origin work. Pain of the past, childhood abuse and trauma Building Self Trust, Intuition - Journal

That was freaking awesome!! Thank you so much for sharing this video! xoxo ❣️ 😁

This is very helpful. Thank you for sharing!

Many of us need to listen to your messages for the healing process

I am just now admitting to myself I am very codependent in close friendships… which I think stems from my codependent relationship with my mom (which she admits to) and my separation anxiety stuff 😅 It even comes at the sacrifice to self preservation. I literally had an allergic reaction to eating lobster and said NOTHING for over over an hour as it progressively got worse. Why? Because I didn’t want my friend to freak out or be a burden 🤦‍♀️. I was getting a migraine, my tongue and neck was swelling up, and I felt electric down my limbs as my nervous system was shutting down but chose to say nothing. When I really needed a Benadryl and medical attention. Needless to say this would have been kept a secret from my friend but my mom forced me to tell her. My friend was very angry with me that I basically could have died and yet chose to do nothing 😅. And no longer am I allowed to try new foods in her presence because new allergies have emerged and I am not trust worthy in telling people I need help. So I need help I admit it now, I need to stop this need to be needed because it is driving me crazy! And it’s not okay.

This journey of slowly building myself has not only realized what I have done, but also how my former partner may have read my behaviors. Helping me realize the unspoken boundaries that I had crossed, and how to avoid it in the future

Detachment and self care

Your pup is the OPPOSITE of anxious and troubled! Let’s all be like that awesome pup on the couch❤

This is 100% me right there 😢

Hello Michelle, thank you for amazing talk, I heard a lot like this in the past however your help re talks have opened my inner eyes , after a long time. Kind regards (Nellie) Natalie

Very good explained. Thank you.

Great Information. Thank you!

I think we have a lot of support on YT! ❤

I found out that i am a real co dependt ...my last relationship wasn't that bad and i feel guilty to have a desire that I want to save... especially that the person is helpful and supportive..he knows my problems

Thank you❤

Jimmy is the man. What a great corner

What a great video, thank you for this. I've just recently discovered what codependency is and I think I'm suffering from it.

yes. ditto. thank you.

Co-dependent Anonymous - who would know that there would be such a thing? Thanks for good summary.

YES!

Ditto. Wish I had found this video two years ago when I was figuring things out.

Thank you. I’m subconsciously trying to hold on to a part of my mom by living with panic disorder because that’s how she lived. I haven’t had contact with her for years, but I’m struggling with this.

Yes

I can relate!

Great video. Your story resonates with me a lot. ❤

Love this!

Very good video.

What are some examples of boundaries for a relationship?

Thanks💕

Indeed I thought I did intil my sisters both got dementia

Very helpful

Thank you so much

Being alone is a "one minute at a time" situation. I wish I were healthy.

Thanks , watched for a friend.

Thank you for this ❤

I want to be free of this in my marriage and with my son.❤🙏

Thank you

Ditto! Thanks for your video

That was really nice. Thank you

Ditto!

Thank you!

Ditto!!! 🎉

Ditto❤

DITTO. Great video WOW. Thank you

I know that’s right

Yes!! Ditto++

How do I do the tip that comes before the bonus one?

yes, ditto

yes

Ditto 💯

I've recently discovered I'm codependent. My boyfriend wants space from our relationship whilst I work on it. Your links are US based and I'm in the UK. Do you know any that may work for me? Thanks

Wet love eachother but I left my life and hometown behind including my young adult kids for him and almost 2 years later it still doesn’t feel right to start for yurt long run and he can’t leave his town

Thankyou

Hey I need help. I don’t know why I have a hard time expressing and feeling my emotions. I feel like I’m always overreacting or at times I don’t know if I am or reacting just fine

Yes😊

Ditto! 😮

The links are not working. Is there another way to get the worksheets?

I recently found out I’m a full blown codependent

Ditto

Yes and ditto

I’m going to find ME!

I can't get to that part at all ! I need help my addict husband has my stomach hurts an can't sleep can't eat it freaking hurts

I’m very co dependent

ditto 😕

ditto

mam what are hilling codepency

So if I am with an alcoholic who is also codependent, should I just cut my ties?

im currently in a relationship where the guy got married arranged ) in a differrnt country and had her pregnant while his high on drugs yet still im settling i dont know why i am doing this pls can you help me change my thoughts are crazy i dotn know what to do :(

Super

Feeling like the only guy in here lol

Agreed