“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts. While the stupid ones are full of confidence.” - Charles Bukowski

When I feel competent, I feel more confident.

As a guy going through divorce at the moment I want to share my perspective of confidence. I agree with a comment on here that I saw. “You have to put in the work to be confident”. I think this dives deeper than just trying to exude confidence or just working out/ taking care of your body. So many men fail to take care of their mind. I feel like we as men don’t always take the time to sit in silence and have the hard conversations with ourselves of who we are and who we want to be. This going all the way back to past traumas from childhood usually. How you were raised, were you bullied?, were you belittled by a loved one for being sensitive or weak? I think we don’t always want to resolve our insecurities and work through them so we mask it with excuses out of fear which makes us lack confidence. I’ve spent a lot of nights since my divorce contemplating my life and what I have to offer. What things I can look back on In past relationships to make myself better for the next one. Looking at my self worth and how I view myself. Making sure I’m proactively changing the things about myself that were unresolved or that I don’t like. Actually unfucking your mind can help your confidence so much but it is an internal battle. You just gotta be willing to face those issues and sometimes even get help through therapy or through a good friend that won’t bullshit you.

Eye contact, posture, and hygiene (grooming). These three things go a long way. As you watch how women respond, your confidence will grow naturally.

"Just be confident" is like saying "just be thinner," or "have more muscles." Just like having a slimmer or more muscular physique, confidence is the byproduct of engaging in a particular endeavor and producing a result. Confidence is built on successes. You can do one of two things, learn pick-up, which is fake confidence, or take the long road to improve yourself overall, your body, your career, your wardrobe, those will make you feel better, you'll get more looks, more opportunities because the laws of attraction begin to work in your favor. Don't look for a quick fix.

Reminder: Only pursue women who have returned the intrest/effort that you have given them.

I held a girls hand and danced with her for the first time yesterday. I really appreciate the work you do.

Here's another *big* one: *handling situations.* If you can fix it for her when it's broken, or handle things in an emergency, it's *huge.* But it's also on her to be *appreciative,* rather than demanding about every little whim.

Confidence is needed in all walks of life.

I want to add that confidence comes naturally from doing the work! You can't just tell yourself to be confident no matter what. For example, if you have an exam and you didn't study or do the homework, then you can't just tell yourself to be confident. Don't focus on being confident. Focus on doing the work and bettering yourself and the confidence will follow naturally.

The thing that has leveled up my confidence the most is being real with who I am and what I want in life. Once I said, forget everyone else’s dreams for me, what is my desire? That’s when I really noticed my confidence start to go up! Once you live your life honest with your self and what you really want, confidence increases so much it’s crazy. Never been this confident in my life. Recommend this to every guy and really every woman out there. Know who you are and what you want. Be humble enough to learn but go for what you believe in and be flexible to adjust along the way if needed.

I like using the term "walking around like you own the place". It shows confidence, purpose, awareness, responsibility and it shows you know what you are doing. Connect that with dressing well plus manners. From my own experience, displaying this behavior, people men & women will chase you down for help, directions and advice.

it reminds me of a powerful quote that changed my view on dating/relationships, here it is: "A Man doesn't need to respect a Woman in order to feel attracted to her, but a Woman needs to respect a Man in order to feel attracted to him"

Just to clarify, dudes Pursuing and Chasing are very different things. Pursuing is knowing the woman wants to spend time with you while Chasing is going after the ones who either don’t want to spend time with you or are playing hard to get but have absolutely no real genuine interest or respect for you. It doesn’t matter if you really like the hard-to-get girl in your vision, she needs to respect your time. Time you are offering to spend time getting to know her. Remember this and your confidence will increase dramatically.

"Masculinity is sexy and desirable to women" "Masculinity is toxic to women" I feel fortunate to have been raised in the 50s and 60s. Life was beautiful then

If I were to share a few things I've noticed women like about me they are: 1) Trust in who you are and don't care what other people think about you. 2) Don't be afraid to fail or get rejected (and don't take it personally when it happens (which it will)). 3) Listen to her and really process what she's telling you, both rationally and emotionally. Being superficial is one of the WORST things you can do when talking to a girl/woman. 4) Talk honestly and to-the-point about yourself. Trying to impress her by talking about how great you are and how much money you make will only make you look insecure and unattractive. 5) Don't be afraid to show her (in a subtle way) with your posture, body language and eyes that part of you want to rip off her clothes and take her right here and now on the table.

Even if you’re not “confident” it’s better to be yourself than “fake” something you’re not. I believe true confidence only comes with experience so that means putting yourself out there and brushing off rejection.

1. Be masculine 2. Be direct (make her feel safe and secure) 3. Have a purpose 4. Body language (eye contact and interest, and use charisma) You’re welcome! Please give Courtney a thumbs up, and remember, she is a unicorn on the crazy/hot axis!

I started feeling more confident when I stopped caring what other people thought. I got on MY mission and could care less what anyone thought about that, ESPECIALLY when people try to negate or put down. This includes my appearance, my clothing, my hobbies, my vehicles...

I had to work on my Confidence because I wasn't born with it. I'm an Introvert too like you Courtney so I had to get used to putting myself out there so I did that in my past jobs and in my hobbies that helped me build Confidence and I'm still refining and improving it and I'm reaping the fruits of my Labor. I approached the most attractive Woman at a mall and I was so Confident that she felt nervous because she was into me but Never went further because she was already taken and I could tell she wanted to break the touch barrier with me because she was playing with her hair around me but I have too much Self-Respect and I I Integrity so I said Goodbye and I felt really Masculine when I did that and Loved it. The tips you give on this video are awesome!

Not necessarily a good ending, but I was dating a girl last summer, and at the end she said to me "I wanted to break up with you a while ago, but your confidence is a addictive. I wanted to be around you." Confidence is very attractive to women.

1. "Success comes along with masculinity." 2. Being direct, which makes her feel "safe" and "secure." 3. Having a purpose, but goes on to describe leadership position, so not a purpose, but a successful, tail-end part of ambition. 4. Body language, but mentions charisma, aka someone who has the ability to influence and garner reverence from others AKA leadership qualities. You all see what all of these have in common yet? Guys. Be SUCCESSFUL. Success and (years of) experience and accumulated assets, the ability to make their lives easier, by you being better, better, better, better, just oh so good at everything. She's trying to pull a gamer move by suggesting women like the "foundational" quality. But that's not how confidence works. It's the other way around. The thing with confidence, is that you get it AFTER you achieve something. Confidence is not found in a vacuum. It's not something people just have, and THAT's what makes them successful. So guys, don't look at this as anything other than a woman telling you that she wants what you can provide for her.

"My name is George...I'm unemployed and live with my parents..."

Thank you Courtney for these genuine pointers as it relates to men possessing & demonstrating appropriate masculinity that drives women to appreciate us. For myself personally, knowing what you want and pursuing it is a big factor. Not being apologetic about that drive. Be yourself but don't be creepy or rude. Also refuse the emasculating culture in social media it does not serve anyone. Don't be afraid to be articulate and expressive without showing off. Using your words as an adult is a great ice breaker. You don't have to re-invent the greatest lines ever, just talk. It also help to communicate with lots of different women even those you are not particularly wanting a deeper connection with. This will create the habit of communication so that when you do see a women you want to escalate with, it will be filled with greater ease. This way you won't be filled with approach anxiety or apprehension when you finally do talk. Women want us to give them attention but don't be a crazy fool. Men KNOW when chemistry is there (as well as when it's not) and having a bit of restraint makes the gentleman even more appealing. Any hoo, if she doesn't reciprocate take it in stride and move on, don't get stuck. Be easy going and playful. It never hurts if you can bring your sense of humor to share. Perhaps most of all believe in yourself (confidence is a great catalyst). Just some of the things that have worked for me.

Confidence isn't easy for a lot of people, me included. We have spent years, childhood into adulthood, having the confidence beat out of us by those around us including family. Some of us have been the butt of jokes, pranks, and bullying for decades/years so confidence isn't something that comes easy. Start with the younger generation. Stop telling people that the guy/girl is out of their league. Stop holding them back from greatness and push them to see how far they can go in life.

Me: Seems easy enough My anxiety: you shall not pass!

Courtney, you are so eloquent and you tone of voice is just on right picht. I'm a 58 year old man and what you are saying I learned through trial and error. I like to listen to intelligent and well educated people, you are completely right. Thanks and and sincerely congratulations.

Confidence is important in life and goes a long way. Landing that job you always wanted. The way I boosted my Confidence, is by doing stuff I was afraid of. Making public speeches, take responsibility for my Actions... It helps.

The eye contact one is extremely difficult for most people (like me) on the autism spectrum. We just feel uncomfortable looking straight into people’s souls... Even if we like them. 😅🙈

I appreciate the message. To all those guys out there wondering how to be confident, as if you weren’t working on being that this whole time. Most people label ‘COURAGE’ as confidence, because you appear to them as confident. So on the path to being confident, be courageous in the face of nervousness and fear. Feel all those emotions and act anyway… All those things described here will develop was you work through inexperience.

Anxiety for me was about being judged as not good enough by family, contemporaries, and other authority figures like teachers and bosses. But once I started internalizing my own locus of control I started caring less and less what other people thought of me and started caring proportionally more about what I thought of myself. It was freeing bc I was no longer a slave to societal values or culture. I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. It was wonderful.

As a confident man, I would add that I actively listen to her. I seek to understand what she is saying, how she is feeling, and what she is committed to or concerned about - her why. I will then reflect what I understand back to her, and ask her if what I understand is correct or if I'm missing anything. I do all this without trying to fix or change her, and without any ego.

Great message. Hear alot about how important confidence is. Purpose is key, I would encourage anyone who’s not confident that they can become confident. It’s also a learned behavior.

Thank you for another good, useful video.👍 I’m an older guy and this reminds me of my awkward youth. The things that I think gave me confidence were life experience, and work ethic. Experiencing things enough to know what I have an aptitude for. Work ethic: if a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing right the first time. Sun Tzu teaches us that battles are won or lost before they are fought. Being prepared, adequately supplied, and well organized reinforces Sun Tzu’s philosophy.

I feel consistency is probably one the most underrated traits. Being consistence show strength and can enhance masculinity. Everyone has ups and downs, but if you're consistent in what you do and how you act people will notice that.

This was actually quite insightful. I expected shallow "just be confident" tips but youre right. I am in my head all the time. I do "beat around the bush" and I dont go for what I want. Thats definetly a change I need to make.

If you chase woman you will go broke but you chase success you never run out of woman. 😎

Some interesting observations in this video. I was raised in a very "progressive" part of the country during a time when women were insisting they be treated as the equals of men, which meant among other things, that girls were encouraged to cultivate typically male traits such as dominance, aggression, competitiveness, assertiveness, and a strong spirit of independence. By the time I reached adulthood, I was convinced that "feminine" women who did not exhibit these traits were weak and inferior. It was therefore clear that I should be attracted to more masculine women, so it remained a mystery why I still found only "feminine" women attractive. Many years later, after listening to what evolutionary psychologists had to say on the subject, it become clear why this was the case.

Thanks Courtney so helpful. It’s good to comment on a woman’s outfit or stand out item of clothing then to just move on with what you are doing in your day. It lets that woman know you have seen her and noticed something nice about her in a positive light.

I really like how you talk when you're giving these tips. It's as if I'm listening to a friend rather than a presentation.

I loved this video Thanks for finally breaking it down (the confidence thing) for dummies like me! Masculine and direct is what I'm going to implement. I had to look up what "Chefs kiss" meant!! Like I said Courtney I need everything broken down for me....Love you!!!

One disclaimer. This may all achieve results unless she’s just not into you.

simple and clear :) i noticed the woman gets excited when i am confident and caring of her so she feels i am using my power for her wellbeing, safety.

Gents, the best piece of advice I’ve ever is this: confident feelings follow confident actions, not the other way around.

You know it’s a good day when Courtney posts ❤️‍🔥

I can fake confidence long enough to attract someone, but because it's fake it never lasts. Actually being confident sounds amazing.

really love the information and content that you create and produce Courtney, very good. watching for a while and spend some time with plenty of you content recently, and i made a comment or 2, good and bad, and you bring the goods. Thanks for doing this work!

I'll be honest. Used to watch your videos years ago and was not really impressed or convinced. But growth and maturity make you see things differently and more objectively. Your honesty and well-meaning advice make more sense now.

Something that enjoy to do is when I catch a woman staring at me, telling her with my hand and a smile "hey, come over here". You'll be impressed how it works. Also works as a filter the attention seekers from the interested ones ✌🏻

Confidence isn't a toy you buy from a store, it's a survival instinct that comes from learning through harsh experiences. If you want to be confident only because women like confident men then you are a gone case even before you start to live. Be kind to yourself brothers.

When I was in fun mode, always remembered what my dad told me, "go strait to the point and tell them the truth about why you approached them", you`ll be surprised how much fun youll have and how many girls out there think exactly the same way, and apreciate you not promising the world just to have good clean fun. He said, "you need to understand that not all women out there are looking for a husband, many of them are professionals with a successful busy career with no time for drama or long term relationships". I was a bit skeptical at the beginng, but, man was he right!!!!!! I tried to pass that experience to most of my friends, (not many), but not everyone is cut out to do that I guess.

Thnx for the great video Courtney. A lot of great points. I do some of these things but definitely appreciate the refresher. I'll focus on the points that need attention.

One thing I noticed is that a lot of these attributes come with age, but OTOH now I'm middle aged I care a lot less about impressing girls/women anyway.

Ladies: We have Matthew Hussey... Gentlemen: We have Courtney!!! 😉😉😉

Great content can only be produced by some authentic understanding and outlook-this girl is seriously intelligent with a mix of beauty+wisdom.! Thanks for this video 👌

Great 1, Courtney! Your take on what all make a Man tick,ticks all the right boxes! Ironically but enchantingly,it is the Women and their Response to a Man are truly what bring out the masculinity and confidence, inherently resident in every Man and I am NOT talking about validation!

Pro tip: Never speak negatively about anything related to work in a whining tone. You're seen as a complainer who can't get a better job. Sometimes corporate culture has its weird side where you don't understand, but talk about it objectively, not in a whiny tone. Even if you don't like your job, take it like a man and don't make it a big deal out of it.

She’s kind of like the record label telling the artist what will sell.

I'd say eye contact while in a conversation is a display of confidence. I have an natural intense gaze so I mix in a look away for a split second and then go right back.

Great advice Courtney!! If you're confident and in your masculine it puts her in her feminine and that's the best relationship a man and woman can have.

I sort of see too much confidence being a bad thing, almost like it goes hand in hand with ignorance or stubborness. Im usually quite confident, but i fail to show confidence in activities im not familiar with or in subjects i dont know about, i ask a lot of questions and am not afraid of admitting i dont know something, but once i do understand something i will talk about it or do it with confidence.

Smile when out and about because I’ve made a successful career. Random complements to ppl in public

She will feel the connection real quick in a good way and that opens up a whole brand new conversation with her

I'm usually quite confident around my crush, but yesterday even in the chat with my crush lets say i reached my limit & need to refill my confidence because when i tried to talk about thinking about him & indirectly telling i miss him, because i reached my limit i started to virtually look away & phisicly blush & unless i feel like how i usually feel i use emoji & make visible how i feel (like when i'm blushing) or what i'd do in person (like looking away while blushing) so because i was quite a bit shy then usual i'm now pulling back a bit

I absolutely love the stuff you're putting out here, it's actually helping me so much more than a lot of the red pill artists out there who give the whole "be a chad" vibe. I believe in being a dominant man but there's a difference between that and being a shitbox lol. Love your stuff Courtney, keep it up, I'm sure in time I will find my feminine woman of value! Big up from the UK

The most confidence I have is when I see a hot girl and I know I can have better. I can do this because I made it in this country from nothing.

Guys! Focus on yourself. You are first overall. Take pride in your ability to make a difference. The ladies will come to you. Keep focused!

Smiling is something I'd add. First impressions are important and a smile is always welcoming

It is my belief that Courtney has a very authentic content and intention to help men to be better with real women.. not those hotties, tik toks/ tinder 100.. but real girls that you meet in your everyday life.. and you should take the chance, and see what are you made of

Thanks for explaining confidence in a way that is easy to understand because everyone always say be confident but never give men really good examples of how to be and show confidence. Basically if you want a woman to feel feminine around you; you have to give her qualities she may not have which are masculine good ones. I think being humble is a great example of being confident too. Anyways wishing you a great day Courtney 🌠

Hey I stumbled across your channel and just want to say thanks for providing a ton of useful information that doesn't come off as sleazy or manipulative of yout date. Your information has helped me out tremendously and has been invaluable IRL. Gentleman, her pointers work!

Mr. No Name is 100 percent spot on. Thank you Courtney for awesome channel. Best wishes and a Happy New year to you and loved ones.

Confidence is built over time, you can't just "be confident". I can speak for myself, I've lost 140 pounds in the last 18 months, and losing all that weight gave me confidence for other things, like approaching women I like, and just talking to them freely. You have to work on yourself first before confidence kicks in....for way to long I was shy, scared to even talk to women, and that part of my character was created because I didn't feel good in the way that I looked, and how people saw me.

Eye contact changed everything for me

I’m confident in how much the world is changing and I can’t keep up

I know this reply will definitely get some negative reactions, but I’ve watched a few our Courtney’s videos and she seems genuine, so I’ll go ahead and post it here: My fundamental question is, can confidence coexist with humility and compassion? In my experience, confident people often (though not always), are rather egocentric and, sadly, quite cruel to others. They are definitely purpose-driven, which I can admire to a point, but they don’t seem to care who they hurt or what damage they cause as long as they get what they want. These folks also tend to see things like humility, gratitude, compassion, and kindness as traits of weakness. Again, this is all based on my own experience, which my be limited, but it’s what I’ve encountered most often with confident folks. I’ve generally taken the position that humility is a better trait to cultivate, as I feel it engenders in someone a sense of gratitude to one’s mentors and friends, and it cultivates the idea that you can continue to improve while reminding you that you’re no better than anyone else. That said, for some people, maybe these things - humility and confidence - can coexist. I just don’t know. In my own case, I can say that I’m going after what I want and it’s a lifelong dream. I’m in graduate school and pursuing a doctorate in fields that I love. I enjoy my job and the research that I get to do. I especially love teaching. I’d never describe myself as confident, though, and I certainly don’t have charisma, being a rather shy, awkward nerd, and all. (And I very much enjoy being a nerd in many ways, even though I know it might be a turn off.) Much of my life, too, I’ve struggled with (and continue to struggle with) self-loathing, and that may also impact how I see all of this as well, so can’t act as if I’m totally neutral here. But, yeah: Can confidence coexist with humility and compassion or not?

At the end of the day. It’s a numbers game. The game favors us men. There are thousands of women to pick from. Just remember this isn’t permanent. It’s going to end at some point. Never put all your emotions in 1 basket. Oh yeah, many will label you arrogant and I have been called that and other disrespectful names. Be classy and move on.

Thank you for always such helpful advice

Looks will still get you in the door and if a woman doesn't like you, confidence doesn't change her mind. All of the advice she said only works for men who are average or above, got himself together, and has personality. This won't work majority of the men who can't control his height or his facial features. This is still the real world. I get everyone is different but the majority still cares about looks first.

Thank you! I love your valuable content, please keep up the great work!

She`s doing a " DEEP DIVE " into men`s confidence ... and it turns out to be a guy with job not afraid to hit on chicks ... quite deep ... psychologist are mesmerized at depth of this analysis ...

Women love a GOOD LOOKING confident man, confidence with out looks is creepy or "toxic masculinity " whatever they want to say why....

After watching this video and others, I am realizing that I do more confident things than I thought, still gotta improve, not only with women but everything

Hardest for me to do was eye contact until recently when I stared in to her eyes,I’m sure touched a part of her heart.

That's alot of things to do. May work for some people. I just stayed myself, was a gentleman and a little shy in a boyish way I did have my hands in my pockets and still got my wife...go figure

I'm a guy who loves confident women.

'make her feel safe and secure that allows her to be feminine and not defensive' - never heard that but makes perfect sense.Subscribed

I'm confident that I'll fall short of expectations again

The best thing this channel ever did to me was introduce me to Alexander Graces’ channel. A lot of what you say is based off your preferences, as opposed to him where he just lays it out based on our biology as humans.

My son is in high school and I’m teaching everything your talking about. 👍

Wow! Great video 😍Wish you @Courtney Ryan and YT were around when I was a kid as I was floundering with this stuff then. I am recently separated and am dating again at 56 so these takeaways are like gold on the table to me. Thank you and keep up the great work. 😁

Thank you so much Courtney Ryan for your great advice

Every man should have an over weight credit card 💳 and living his life independently and freely 🦅

That women say that they like men with self-confidence is also a way to avoid taking the initiative yourself and risk being rejected.

Thank you again, Courtney for doing these wonderful videos, we really appreciate it.

I ignore women. It's life and success first, women secondary. Now that it's all in the bag, all I have to do is change nothing at all. Perfect!

One thing: the whole being upfront with her about how you feel about her doesn’t always work because the majority of women I’ve ran into and gone on dates with the last few years all play the game. Once you express an inkling of interest in them, they ghost you. And this is after meeting, texting for awhile and definitely after a first or second date. The rapport is there and I’ve expressed interest in several girls in the past trying to be confident as you say and they go from appearing interested in me to not real quick. Sooooo either these girls are just immature and don’t know what the hell they want (most likely the case) or your advice is bullshit. I’m going to go with the first one because I like your videos.

The way you say my name is courtney ryan , My heart goes 😍😍

I have been in bed with as many as 50 women (personal reasons, not showing off), and the approach I always take is to be direct and show my intentions from the let go...I am not showing off, I am just saying that Courtney knows what she is talking about. Hope this helps many other guys out there. Always be clear, and if they say 'No', that is cool too...Don't be mean, or take advantage of any girl...love them, and give them attention as far as they ask for it; if they break it up, cool, let her go...Just respect them and love them for what they gave you. They will always thank you for not speaking about them with other guys. Respect, man, respect all the time. Some might even want to go back to bed with you just because you gave them all your respect.

Thank you Courtney! 🙌🏼😊