this woman expresses out loud things i thought were my innermost secrets.

After 3 failed marriages and countless crappy situationships I think I’m resigned to being single.. less drama, no problems no stress.. I’m 52 and I’m tired of being someone’s therapist, maid, and/or mommy.. I have my work, my hobbies, and my dog🤷🏻‍♀️

Meeting healthy, available people with whom you share mutual attraction and values is so rare especially the older you get.

There are some comments here that can be boiled down to "I've given up", "it's too hard", "I'll never recover". For someone who has been healing/growing, those messages are scary and create anxiety, BUT I took a step back and thought "Okay, I hear those stories: Are these messages helpful? What purpose do they serve? What will these stories do for me?". I think you know. Maybe I will be alone, maybe I won't. Not trying to heal my CPTSD, not addressing my trauma, not *trying* for the future I want is pretty much garaunteeing my future unhappiness, though. If I'm alone for months or years, doesn't matter, I should try to find a way to be a healed, happy, connected person. If there's someone in my future? Amazing! I still need to be that person. I'm not gonna give up. I have hope.

I can validate so much of what you said. I picked badly until I tried to get my narcissist parents in counseling and realized that was never going to work so I started working on myself, didn't date for years (working and going to school fulltime made that easy), I made a list of what I wanted and was told it was unrealistic. But I was okay with being single until I found what I wanted. Ironically it was one of my parents who told me don't look for someone to change because people don't change. I wasn't looking when my husband came into my life and we took our time getting to know each other. Twenty years later I still think he's a keeper. He told me I was attractive to him because I had my act together and wasn't desperately looking for someone to make me happy.

"For all you know, the greatest love you could possibly know may still lie ahead of you, especially if you keep healing from what happened in the past. And that longing you feel when you're lonely, especially now, has a message for you: that it's real, and it's pointing the way towards your home." wow wow wow. you've opened my mind and my heart in ways I didn't think were possible. thank you for your work that has been so integral to my journey.💜

I lost years of my life in toxic relationships. I’ve spent most of my life alone because of this.

She’s right. Romance is cotton candy. Real love is what you do for each other.

My partner has PTSD, we have been together for a long time we have a 3 yr old together. She pointed out things I didn't realize about myself. She took the time to think and had the courage to say she wasn't happy. I started therapy and realized I have a lot of work to do. I read Adult Children of emotionally immature parents so I could understand what she went through. The book pointed out things I was doing that wasn't helping her feel emotionally safe. I am working to show I can be the man I should be for my girls. I know theirs no magic to encourage her to stay. Especially when she took the first step to say she wasn't happy. She has dealt with and worked through a lot in her life. I guess I am here listening so I can better understand...Thank you

I've always had bad relationships. I thought I was too ugly, and not worthy. Guys never looked at me. I'm 70 and will never have what I've always craved, a good relationship. I've decided to just focus on me. I'm learning to love myself. I've promised all my kisses to my cat and that's the name of that tune. My cab light has never worked. And, my "picker" is broken. My wall is up as I just can't be rejected or abandoned again.

I cried the moment you finished your first sentence “it is not supposed to be that way” Whew. I’m ready for love ❤

This channel really came into my life at the right time, I had already made some great strides such as getting into a better career path and out of a 8 year relationship that drained me. Still, my previous bad experiences were still seeping out of me in all my interactions, specifically romantic ones. Thankfully this channel made me realize that it wasn’t a good idea for me to harp about the past and center conversations about my trauma. I am now in a relationship with a stable, kind and generous man who is honestly just incredible. Not in the over the top love bombing, fairytale kind of way, but in the way were he does the dishes for me because I am stressed and running late even though I said I would do them and buys me my favorite chapstick that I lost on the subway the previous day. I come from such chaos and he provide me with such peace and stability. God bless him and God bless this channel for showing me how I was ruining my own chances to find a healthy partner ❤️

I wish I had a crappy childhood fairy when I was a "serial dater"! I totally fell head over heels on the first date then blew it with limerence. Then I was on the receiving end of limerence after one date. It's yucky either way. So glad I found this place with so many stories that mirror my problems and best of all there are solutions! Thank you Anna

I am lucky enough to have overcome and heal enough to find a wonderful man, and I was fairly young- 25- but I’m so proud to say that we have been happily (though not unrockily) married for 14 years. It can happen! My husband had a hard childhood too, and it is his second marriage, but that crappy first marriage made him appreciate an accept me so much more than I think he would otherwise. That being said, it still astounds me how low my self can be. I have everything a person could want- a beautiful home, the love and devotion of a wonderful partner, two amazing kids who are thriving, and a newly minted masters degree. On my worst days I shame myself about i. “It makes no sense! Why am I so sad?” It’s hard to be a person

This is very timely for me. I'm in my forties and have finally admitted I want marriage and children (if still possible) I've just met someone who is lovely in all ways but he told me he doesn't believe in marriage and he already has a child and doesn't want another so the old me would just go along with things until they inevitably fizzle as I will expect more from the relationship but hopefully this is a sign of a new improved me, I nipped it in the bud even though he ticks all the other boxes and I'm tired of being alone. I chose myself for once so hopefully this is clearing space for the right person to come along 🤞

I’ve been hearing for so long now and I know I’ll never really stop. I know there is a good man out there for me I just haven’t met him yet and I pray that when I do I’m able to feel and know it’s real, I’m a good woman and I know my worth. 💜

I definitely came from a traumatized child hood. Knowing something was wrong, but not bring able to know what it was. Many years later, still dealing with the after affects.,I would say picking the wrong partners was a direct result. Finding that so many people have been and are broken. I'm still climbing and hope to find a healthy partner.

My recent problem was that I finally found this wonderful, calm, patient guy! But all I did was panic and feel bored, so I kept pushing him away, then pulling him back, then pushing away. I really hurt him with my projecting. I couldn’t stop it. I had no control. I feel like I love him but I’m pretty sure it’s too late. I’m so drained and confused and keep shaming myself.

These videos always appear right when I need them. I want to believe that I too can experience love and it’s been getting harder and harder to discover all my inner barriers at each turn. It’s a different feeling realizing that my pain now is self inflicted and impacts those who really have cared for me. I want to feel close to others so badly but there’s a part of me that fears that vulnerability the most. That part is so strong and the more I suppress it the more overpowering it becomes. I wish I could share the love in my heart freely. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m starting to accept the journey it will take to get there. The encouragement and understanding that you provide has given me so much solace in a period that I have felt completely alone and misunderstood. I hope to be able to accept myself enough to continue this journey in a meaningful and consistent way. I want to follow through even if my fears and barriers remain present and feel impeding (as they often do.).I no longer want to be dictated by my survival mechanisms. Thank you for shedding light on hope and a chance at a new perspective

❤ After my last financial disaster of a breakup, next time I’m tempted to start dating I’m just gonna find a guy I hate, buy him a house and give him half my money.

You are such a blessing to me, Anna! I am so glad I stumbled upon your channel. I can't stop watching your videos. I never even knew what abandonment issues were. I, literally, only thought abandonment was being left in a basket on someone's doorstep or being put in a dumpster. Yet you explained what I go through and have been going through my entire life. You are the MENTOR and teacher I have been needing my WHOLE life and I am very grateful to God to have found you! This video really hit home! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU DO AND SHARE!!

Unfortunately, this is me. Thank you very much for the help you've given all of us. 🌹. Trying to get therapy, can't find one who treats multiple PTSD. Why I'm so grateful to you. 🙏🏻

Anna, I cried my heart out listening to this…..thank you for all that you do. God bless you.

This has to be one of the best videos on the internet for people like me. THANK YOU SO MUCH! OMG this thing is packed with amazing info and insights. This disregulation stuff is really challenging because often it can happen with no discernible cause. I've been amazed when talking with my sister how suddenly and almost instantaneously I can go from being happy, joyful and free to intensely RAGE FILLED. It often happens so fast I don't even know why. All I know is that a second ago, I was fine, NOW I'm so mad I can't even understand it. Simply recognizing the change of state has been enough for me and I'll excuse myself, go to the bathroom and either pray, call my sponsor or simply sooth myself. I can usually get back to an easy and laid back feel fairly quickly but man this instant rage stuff is so strange to me. I feel sometimes like I got hit by a bolt of lightening that's filled with rage. Anyways - thanks again for all your suggestions and your down to earth approach. AND I absolutely LOVE your channel name!!! haha it always brings a smile to my face and your wisdom brings peace to my heart. Thank you again and I can't wait to watch more vids!!

Thank you so much for this Video and I am 38 years old and I finally undersrtand why I am get hurt so easily. I am crying watching you talking. Again thank you.❤

After 39 years with a narcissist...I don't know who I am anymore as far as relating to women. I know I'm an empathetic person but I fear another relationship. Right now I feel like romance is BS. I know what real love is because I never had it from my wife. God is real love...treat others with honor and respect.

I am certain that i have never had healthy love in an adult partnership thus far at 53. I feel a love for and from God now. This is new for me too.

This video was extremely compassionate, straightforward, and professional. Thank you.

Getting back on the dating sites (on the advice of my therapist) has made all of this feel even more impossible! What a mistake that was! Now it feels inevitable that I'll crawl back into my hole and just stay there until I die. I'm happy that the CCF found her way out and met someone great and got the life she wanted, but for some of us it feels like it isn't in the cards.

This is so crazy, I have been dealing with the problem you mentioned at the very moment KZfaq recommended this. I was seeing someone who seemed really good for me and promised they'd keep in touch and treat me well, and then they disappeared without even a text and I've been feeling confused and betrayed and like there really are no good people out there

I can’t believe this video exists!!! This is so dangerously spot on!!! It’s like you’ve been watching me my whole life!!!

"You're wondering why you keep attracting people who are either not functional, not into you, or outright hurtful to you..." Um, I'm really wondering why I don't attract anyone at all. I don't even attract jerks or emotionally unavailable people. I just attract no one. Never even had a relationship. 🤔

No relationship for me while I'm healing.

My mom left when I was four, with a smile on her face. My dad remarried a real Mommy Dearest type, possibly with OCPD and CPTSD. I let whatever woman that wanted to put in the effort basically have me. I've had one relationship in my 30s that felt like love, but I didn't know how to communicate through challenges, and I would just shut down. When that relationship ended I stopped trying for about a decade, until a drop dead gorgeous woman flirted with me for about 7 months. I didn't trust her intent at first, but she was so persistent. I ended up asking her on a date and she turned me down saying she wasn't available for dating right now. It hurt, and she agreed that she led me right into it. I was disappointed, but I dropped it. About 6 weeks later I bump into her and she is flirting aggressively again, so I start falling for it again. She starts popping up randomly around my daily routine. The coffee shop before work, the grocery after work, walking by my house when I'm in my yard on weekends, running by and asking if she leave her hoodie on my porch because it was too hot to wear it. I end up asking to kiss her and things start feeling like they are headed towards something really healthy and fun for me. But then she starts saying little negative things about my friends and I call her out on it and she shuts me down. So I back off again... and then we bump into each other again and she is flirting again, and dang it if I didn't fall for it again. So I start asking her out again and she says yes, but I could never get her to commit to any plans at all, no matter how direct I was. She flirted with me all the way up until a few weeks ago, and now I think she is dating someone else. I think she wanted me to chase her, but I have issues with the catch-and-release treatment from her, because I feel like my own mother made me chase her love my entire life, and I get quickly impatient when my honesty is responded to with games. What I want is someone who will be honest with me and not treat me like a tourist attraction or a temporary stand-in. She is pretty messed up, but plays it off like it is everyone else. I think she is a "Boy Collector" to reenact her issues with her dad being a serial cheater, and her mom telling her she isn't pretty. I am ready to date again, but I'm not really prepared to date again. I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm in therapy and I think I'm a good communicator. While this one is incredibly attractive to me, she just isn't the whole package. I want to keep clearing my own trauma so I am better prepared emotionally/mentally to start meeting people again. I want it.

I cannot express how helpful all this information has been. Before this I was scrambling trying to figure out why people treated me the way they did. I found tons of info and got lots of answers except how to fix me. I'm taking all of this to heart and I will say I'm confident my life can change. It's sooooo nice to see that someone totally gets it. THANK YOU!

Thank you, Anna. Getting out of limerence took years, sadly to admit. I'm listening and learning because I say I want to be married, but have not dated in many, many years.

I’ve never cried so hard from a KZfaq video but here I am 🫠 this hit home in so many ways, I’m grateful for your work Anna ❤

I so admire your gift in uraveling complicated situations. You are wise and do it with honesty and truth and love.

The second video was so beautiful and heartfelt. Thanks so much for sharing those sentiments.

I think we may have to "settle" because many of us have set our sights expectations too high. Only to have relationships with successful narcisstic type. You might meet someone who doesn't give you the same level of excitment. Or have the same success as the others. I think the most important part is getting to know someone and being friends first without all the sexual distractions. For a while at least

Signs for green light 💚 1. It’s a feeling in you that I’m attracted to them and it shows that they’re interested in me 2. They’re not already in a relationship 3. Get it clear: is it a date or hanging out together? Are they interested or is it friendship? Are they emotionally available ? 4. They talk about you, ask questions about who you are. 5. They listen to what you say. They understand you, they get you. 6. They make it clear that they’re interested in you and that it’s a date. Clarity. You don’t want to wait around. 7. They’re open about themselves and what they’re looking for (red flag: them talking about their ex, childhood trauma,…the first dates). The vision they have for themselves in their lives (marriage, children,…). 8. Are they logistically available ? They live close to you, they have time, they are stable. 9. They treat you and everyone else (food servers, animals, people in the street,…) with kindness. 10. They’re honest. 11. They are considerate of making plans with you. They show up. They call you. They warn if they’re late,… 12. How do you feel when you’re dating them? If you feel good, that’s a green light 🙂💚 You feel like a better version of yourself around them. Ideally, you both have this feeling.

I sabotaged a relationship with a sweet, steady man who loved me for years. I friendzoned him constantly because I didn’t feel sparks.

You are amazing. You’ve just nailed it. All of it. You speak so kindly and respectfully while keeping it real. Thank you ☺️

This is a masterpiece. Thank you for doing what you do.

Very helpful videos, Anna! Thanks❣️

I don’t have much hope that I’ll ever have the life long relationship I want. I just don’t feel like I’m capable of it. My temperament. My selfishness. But hopefully one day I’ll eat my words about that

Great show Emma! Thank you. 🙏💕😀

I'm 53 and have given up on dating... Building and Collecting Model cars have filled that void for me-( And it has done wonders for my self esteem!!)..

Thank you for the videos and the time spent making them. You talk straight to my heart. You have such a loving and caring spirit. You give me hope ❤

I love your content and find it all very informative, insightful and helpful.

Real love . .I can't wait ❤❤ Healing healing healing . .shadow work . Daily practices . .i just wanna feel normal

There is a LOVE that roots out ALL my CRAP from parents, preachers, as well as myself. Emotional Dysfunction caused a horrific trigger and God showed me I had been searching for a mother for 47 years. God Himself, became my therapist a few years back, although I have gleaned from many like you, Anna. I am decades old & have finally unveiled myself unto Him, my Savior. I'm free to be LOVED & loved to be FREE. YES & AMEN

This is very helpful, thank you!

The irony of childhood PTSD is that it makes you realize later in life that you are still a child. It also makes you feel the same vulnerability as you did as a child. There must be something parenting us. It may be a god, the universe itself, or possibly everything thing in this world as a whole together if we choose to see it. It kinda reminds me of when astronauts speak about how there is something greater once they experience the flight of space looking down at our world. 🌎

Your videos have been so helpful to me! Thank you so much❤

First time to your channel because I am currently working every day on myself to heal because I am tired of not being able to meet the right people

I have a Divination business…. I’m not stopping what I do for a living. In tarots defense it’s almost always right 😅

thank you 🙏 for unpacking cpsd in away that was easy to understand i think i’ll try your method and will look that up next it’s worth a shot because i feel like my cpsd is holding me back in life. again thank you 🙏 ❤

I'm glad that I found this video. It's so helpful at this point in my life. Gives me some hope.

Thank you for all of your help

I feel what is for you is for you . an you don't need Direction . Just Respect and understanding and I believe that works both ways . To have the desired effect . It isn't ever something that can be or should be forced for in trying to implement it you forget .

You are absolutely right, God is perfect love, His love heals and will help us heal and find human love, the 'one'. Love your videos

I hate to say it but as a successful, independent woman in her 60's I've pretty much given up. I don't go to bars on line dating is full of creepy, lo level man dnd lots of scammers. I do need to be more social . I know joined a hiking group. Maybe there is hope.

I’ve been working on myself for over 3 years to repair and heal. The path is tough but necessary. Thank you for even more tools to heal and repair myself.

I'm so glad you speak to the spirituality of love conscious awareness & awakening . The one thing that IS the basis of the universe is PERFECT LOVE , who The Lord of All Divine Spirits IS & we are the expression of that Perfect Love, not unlike the grace & beauty & miracle of a butterfly transforming 🐛🦋⚡💕🙏🏼😇🎶🌠🕊️💫

Your content is really authentic and resonates with me but I just can't believe anyone is out there for me. 2007 since my last relationship. 3 months just passed with someone who presented as my life partner and then hurt me in the most unexpected way. Right in trauma now even though I made the decision to end it. Feel too old to find anyone.

Someone finally finding love at 80? That is so depressing. I am 55 and i am really contemplating giving up on ever finding or experiencing love. Life is so exhausting. Neverending lessons and tests. Being told to manifest just to be denied. I can't take anymore conflicting information.

Finally leaving my narcissistic husband after 20 years of suffering. Not financially secure so its scary. So thankful for all your knowledge and support.

getting divorced from a narc. married 36 years...the thought of dating again is terrifying. what if I chose the beautiful narc again?

This video gives me so much hope after many, many years of failed relationship attempts

Such great info here. Ty!

Every time I listen to you. I am happy.

You are truly amazing and I thank God for your knowledge ❤🙏

Oh wow wow wow!!! I had never heard of limerence until I found this channel a few weeks ago. I'm learning so much, I can hardly believe it. I actually had a pretty good and normal childhood but I obviously had some cptsd because now I recognize so many of the patterns. 2 of my 3 "relationships" were limerent. And the 13 year marriage I'm in now started when I was trying to get away from the previous limerence. I haven't really cared for any of the men I've been with in the beginning, but once we got physically involved I got completely lost and obsessed. I almost got away within the first 6 months or so, from the man I am married to now but started having health problems which made me afraid to leave and here I am 13 years later. Health problems got much worse and which caused major cptsd and he hasn't been supportive of me during these issues and I'm finally (at 63) really working on getting out, even though it scares the heck out of me. Thank you so much Anna, I've been struggling hard to get myself to leave for the last couple of years and listening to you is helping me finally get there. WOW!!! ❤

On my 2nd divorce. But smarter now . thanks to Anna❤

That second clip, from during the pandemic lockdown, is so heartfelt and inspiring ❤

Thank you for this!❤❤

I’m 40 and have never been in a stable, loving relationship with a trustworthy and healthy partner where we have a mutual attraction… However I wasn’t healed until I had my daughter almost three years ago and left a dangerously abusive person. Since then I’ve done the work but am still scared of “love”. What helps me is to stay chaste and just be open to platonic friendships.

Thank you thank you thank you so glad I found you everything makes sense I'm 69 years old and I've had years of psychotherapy and none of this was ever addressed❤

Cab light! I like the metaphor! ❤. On another note.. Horoscopes usually do put compatible signs together. I wouldn't compare that with tarot cards. I’ve read about signs since high school, guessed people’s signs many times. Not by chance, but educated process of elimination.

Yes Anna, That's what I've lived like.. Until 2 years ago. My girlfriend has saved me.. And taught me and teaching me things I should have known when I was younger...

This is exactly what I needed while dating in 2024 ❤

I pray for Love 💕 and Peace for EveryOne and then do as God Prompts me. 😊❤

Love the blazer at the beginning of this!

I love you beautiful advice ❤

9:27 carrying a lot of anger, drama, conflict create a barrier for healthy relationship

It seems like such a daunting task to give up additions like drugs, porn, and past entanglements cause they are being used to numb the pain from the underlying issues. What a vicious cycle to try and break free from. Thank you for your videos ❤️

Thank you so much for tying this teaching in with how it relates to God.

Thank you for your videos Anna

24:30 thank you for acknowledging this.

Anna can you make a video on the causes of lack of male attention while growing up ..cause i struggle with male attention from a young age ..anyway always thankful to you ❤

@benjamintice6400 you said it best; Not trying to heal our cptsd will guarantee our failure for a chance at healthy connectedness. When we feel hopless, the irony is that fortunately, you can never be worse off than at the bottom of failure right? So the only way to go from being stuck is up, a thought that builds hope. So it is surely worth a try because there is nothing to lose. Therefore, we can afford to be fearless.

Thank you.. you're awesome😍

This supposes that there IS a right person out there.

Thank you ❤xs

Thank goodness for you.

Love the outfit today!

Spot on💚

Honestly... I really like a lot of this content in this video, but the dysregulation part I'd say could be pretty triggering and even dangerous for survivors/victims of narcissistic abuse. If a partner of a narc is diagnosed with PTSD, for example, not only do narcs often prey on that and pick up on it super early on, but they'll often use that as an excuse to justify their blame-shifting and other manipulative behavior. And covert narcs in particular will often use tactics such as pretending to "seek out help and resources" for the traumatized partner (really just sharing whatever results come up on Google more often than not that they can use to their advantage), but turning it around on them and saying, "See, though? You're just dysregulated and acting like I'M the problem. YOU'RE the one just overreacting [to everything I'm putting you through] because YOU'RE the one who just simply can't get over your own trauma. I'm just trying to HELP you." But by "helping", they really mean doing something like cheating on them or purposely violating one of their boundaries otherwise, acting like the partner has no right to be upset with them when they find out (after they've gone through the denial, gaslighting, etc.), then shoving "resources" in their face as if it justifies the horrible things they're doing to further traumatize and gaslight the victim, but all to say, "See! This is exactly how you're reacting and so I'm in the right!" in the end. And sometimes, if the partner calls out their devaluation phase and apparent shift away from their prior love bombing behavior, the narc will use rhetoric like the contact dysregulation dynamic issues to say that they've become this way because of the partner, which only further entrenches the exact set of power dynamics the narcissist wants to exert over them long-term anyway that keeps them stuck (e.g. to leave them blaming themselves for the shift away from the love bombing when the narc usually waits to remove their "mask"). And when the victims hear it elsewhere too, like in therapy how they're told that they've just gotta learn to keep trying harder and to do better when in reality they're really being abused here, it causes them to waste so much more time and energy in these relationships and catering to the narcissist while suffering in the process. Especially since the covert narcs in these cases will also typically also pretend (briefly, at least, until they weasel their way out of it) to be a helpful, supportive, loving partner in couples therapy sessions, so as to trick the therapist into thinking they're a compassionate, empathetic partner. It's really a mindf*ck, but it's extremely common... Obviously a lot of partners out there are asking out of genuine concern and want to know how they can be a supportive partner, and I do absolutely praise them for doing so and admire that level of loyalty, love, and care involved for their partner. Also, I apologize if this has already been discussed on this channel - I've seen a handful of videos here, but I love everything I've seen so far, and it's very likely I just haven't come across it yet, lol. But anyway - thank you so much for the work you do, and you have an amazing impact on so many people. I hope you're doing wonderfully in the world, and I look forward to learning so much more from you.

My last relationship was with a workaholic. The beginning of this video really struck me. It wasn't a dreadful relationship by any means and had some great aspects to it. But the personal chemistry was not there. I was inspired by her drive but as we entered the post-honeymoon phase it dawned on me that she would not hatch into this more moderate, warmer version of herself. She took the space I gave her and used it for secrecy and distance. Obviously it was my bad for not seeing her for who she was initially. She never really pretended otherwise. I just couldn't face my negative feelings about the communication in time and got swept up in limerence.