No matter what video I watch, I always walk away with an elevated feeling. The feeling you leave with after spending time with a true friend. Thank you for your teachings!

Yay Steven that you clarified what you were feeling, blocked her and then consulted the crappy childhood fairy. It seems to me, you’re doing well.

This channel has removed the scales from my eyes and my interactions with people are now 'clearer'.

Each of you videos gives me another "tidbit of truth" that helps me "put Humpty Dumpty back together again" thank you. My childhood experience was similar to yours. Mom beautiful nurse who denied me medical care, was nice to everyone but me. All I ever wanted to know was "whatever did I do to you to make you treat me this way?" It baffled me my entire life. I got my heart broken badly but I haven't given up hope! Thanks for writing in today Stephen, you can find love, you are lovable, your story helps others heal too. Bless you

i think i have been both of these people :( more often steven, but.. if i could offer some insight into the "vampire" behavior - i think i had a similar habit of getting super involved with someone and then running at the first sign of it getting serious and involving feelings. and it is because i too have cptsd! i think, at least how it was for me, was that at first - it feels so amazing to get all the love and attention i was denied in childhood. someone is interested in me. someone listens to me. someone touches my skin. i got swept up in it. but the more i saw the person, the more i saw them... as a person. and i would start to feel like a trapped animal. i would get more and more terrified that i would hurt them, i think it's because i didn't know how to communicate that i needed space without hurting their feelings? i am definitely a people pleaser, and i would become horrified ant worried that the people pleasing might be the only reason i am in this situation. do i really like them? i can't tell.. and i didn't have the knowledge to ask myself if i just liked the attention. it was a perspective i hadn't been introduced to at all. maybe i was freaking out about how much more of myself i would be giving away constantly? idk. but i would begin to panic inside, 24/7. and it would start to seem much better to hurt them now and release them from my insanity rather than "give it a shot" and end up wasting a decade, in the end hurting them far, far more. idk if i would call it "heartless". i absolutely would call it thoughtless. anyway i am so glad i found this channel because i will never be that person again.

I totally can relate to the “spiritual healer” parent and the difference between public image and private realities. It has taken me decades to begin to heal the layers of dysfunction. But I am grateful for my faith, my determination to be whole, and resources such as this channel.💕

For someone like me, with bpd it is possible to truly feel VERY strongly for someone and then split. I can't explain splitting other than to say it is the most uncomfortable feeling, and you have to get away from that person at all costs. It may be that she suffers from bpd, which comes from trauma as well.

I like the idea of the scheduled, slow dating and getting to know a new dating partner without the rush. There's no urgency. Slow things down and let the relationship build organically, without the false narrative of tricks your mind plays.

Hmm, the woman also admitted that she has CPTSD and stated she relationship jumps; so she has trauma too, but it feels like she is getting demonized even though she stated what was up. They both have trauma and i have empathy for both. This is called Wound Mates and almost all of us here have experienced this kind of relationship. And these relationships are most definitely teachers for us, if we have enough awareness. I'm on the Avoidant side, so i actually have understanding why people seem to detach once a relationship gets more intimate and you start to feel like the other person "wants something from you" and that feels like a recipe for disregulation to an Avoidant. My point is that both are experiencing trauma and so instead of making her seem "bad" it can be looked at from more of an observant viewpoint.

I would say I had a similar experience with somebody I met online, it was a guy and not a woman and I also met him online. To me it all screams emotionally unavailable woman, possibly even a narcissist. Does not matter how much therapy she got and how vulnerable she might be with you, she seems messed up beyond repair. She might have said she wanted a possible romantic relationship to hook you in but in the reality friends with benefits was all what she could offer to you. To me it seems like she was still looking around and possibly trying to explore her options. I am not ready for a relationship means that they are looking only for a casual, no strings attached relationship and your clue to get the hell out of there

This video hits hard on me. For the last 6 years has been so lame to me romantically. So, I decided to give up.

I like the way you defined the red flag process. This has always been one of my biggest downfalls; I bypass or override the red flags. It isn't that I don't see them. I think many people with CPTSD and BPD type of issues are extremely intuitive to bullshit and red flags. The problem is that we offer ourselves up as human sacrifices.

Attachment styles. She: Dismissive Avoidant. He: Anxious Preoccupied. Run, run run from dismissive avoidants. Forever keep them in your rearview mirror. Do a deep dive on attachment styles. In addition, and as always, Anna is spot on

I love Anna I want to make that clear, but I prefer the responses that have more nuance. While listening to this i did not find the woman to be unlikable or an evil vampire or a narcissist as people are saying in comments but unhealed. Her mistake is being too vulnerable with someone too soon (the same thing he did/he initiated upon first meeting), spending too much time with him too soon (the same thing he did) and being too honest about her past mistakes so that we can now vilify her. She dated him 2 weeks then rejected him (didn't actually ghost him) instead of getting into a relationship and breaking his heart and to me that sounds like progress. Am i insane? 2 weeks genuinely isn't a long time. I haven't done this to anyone in fact im the one who was limerent all year so im not projecting. ANYWAy the writer sounds like a sweet person and i wish him all the best in his healing! I know EXACTLY how you are feeling! The thoughts are becoming less and less for me over time too but they just come back every now and then. Gotta maintain that distance and find what we got from that relationship somewhere else as much as possible i think. Maybe connecting more deeply with a trusted friend would help as it sounds like u have a solid friend group!

I can relate to this quite a bit. It's interesting to read some of the comments and see that some are saying he's not ideal because he didn't initiate while others are saying he was aggressively pursuing her and she just wasn't interested. It's tough to be a guy and have these problems, some people want to assume you're to blame no matter what. Also, just because you announce you are doing something bad, like using someone, doesn't mean it's OK. If you "aren't ready for a relationship", then don't go on any dates or spend time with any new people, especially not people who might be interested in a relationship with you, it's that simple. What do you think is happening when you spend time and share all this deep emotional stuff with another person?

Yeah. She wanted to meet in person because that's where his attraction to her is most intense, thus most accessible to her voracious ego. My childhood CPTSD had me started on that "vampire" path. In my youth it was the only way I knew to fill my own void, along with alcohol.

This is my life over and over😢

Oh my gosh-- this was my relationship in almost perfect summary that stretched across 4 months. I'm 30 days from the sudden break-up and still sad.

Always a good insight from Anna. 🌺🦋🌸🎄

This dentist lady sounds like she gets off pretending to be a man's fantasy for the ego stroke of it. And, yes, a total energy vampire who feeds on men trusting her and telling her their deepest most vulnerable wounds. She is aware that her beauty makes most men happy to open up to her and she fully toys with them for her amusement. Unfortunately, it seems the guy who wrote this letter was simply narcissistic supply for this dentist lady. She fed off of his emotional vulnerability. Also, she totally left that umbrella behind on purpose and accompanied him to get that tattoo so he would be tortured by these little reminders of her. Mind games.

Public perception - "Oh, she's so charismatic." When she's really a 'happy" drunk. All the crazy things that strangers in the public sphere say to us need to be forgiven and often forgotten. Also, "friends with benefits' is a vampire-like strategy. Beware.

00:00 🤔 Childhood trauma can distort relationships, leading to attachments with those who can't reciprocate love, causing pain and confusion. 01:12 🚪 Growing up in a chaotic household with emotionally neglectful parents can create conflicting emotions, making it hard to recognize abuse. 02:46 💔 Long-term relationships can suffer due to untreated mental health issues and influence from family, impacting personal growth and happiness. 04:21 😞 Low self-confidence can lead to self-doubt in relationships, making it challenging to assess genuine interest from others. 06:26 🚩 Overlooking red flags and rushing into a relationship can lead to emotional distress, especially when there are clear signs of emotional unavailability or fear of commitment. 08:46 🛑 Recognizing when a relationship is causing emotional turmoil and learning to prioritize personal well-being over maintaining a connection. 10:27 🙅 Setting boundaries and choosing to step away from toxic relationships, even if offered friendship, to prioritize self-healing. 11:22 🤯 Impact of a brief but intense relationship can sometimes outweigh the effects of a longer-term relationship, triggering deeper emotional distress. 12:15 🦸‍♂ Self-reflection and healing from childhood trauma can enable healthier relationship choices and emotional self-protection. 16:09 🎯 Structured dating and understanding personal attachment patterns can prevent rushing into relationships, offering a more balanced approach to emotional involvement. 18:31 🚗 Healing from trauma involves setting emotional guardrails, seeking support from peers on similar journeys, and prioritizing self-care and personal growth. 21:20 💔 Understanding that not everyone plays by the same relationship rules; finding someone who appreciates your approach is key to a great future. 21:48 🧠 Obsessing over someone after a breakup might not necessarily be limerence yet; it's natural but not fully addictive. Limerence involves irrational fixation, continuous thoughts, and idealization. 22:17 📑 Providing a free PDF on the signs of limerence to help individuals recognize and assess their emotional state, especially if they're slipping into obsessive behaviors like constantly checking someone's social media.

Half of the time im questioning or dont feel loved by a man who loves me very much. Hopefully i can get a grip of these tiny triggers and ptsd relapses because ive driven him crazy but he hasnt given up.on me yet.

A mom misspelled and mispronouncing Anna. That sounds more than intentional, one of the easiest names😂😢

Rewired.... I never knew. Doctor told me people that smoked before the brain being fully developed about 26yo rewire the neurons differently from those that didn't smoke. Seen my psychiatrist (MD dude) on Monday told him I learned about rewired smokers. So I said to him I think I'm rewired because of childhood abuse. I was 45yo when I learned what a switch is and those dozens of scars on my back is from a switch. He said yes that's why you can go days without speaking to anyone. He also said yes its not in the DSM yet but I agree with CPTSD. It's extremely complicated and when I told my psychologist about CPTSD she gave me a blank stare and didn't respond. He said some psychologist are and some not on the front lines of these things. He said I'll get you in another program for that. We can't rewire you, can't fix it because the brain is permanently wired that way so we will help you live the best life with it. Remember you can't rewire it's in the neurons of how you are wired. It's ok to be the way you are. Be that survivor not the victim.

My parents actively ignore me and abandon me. They left me completely alone in a Nandos in a Foreign country without a Call or text anything just to get my sister (who’s a confrontational mentallly ill B word) into the Car. There were 4 people (1 baby and 1 driver). When i told the waitress that they left me she asked ‘are you serious?’ And i said in response ‘That’s kind of Heartbreaking’. I left the shop on my own and she still kept looking at me from inside making sure I didn’t get kidnapped or do anything to hurt myself. I still think about her everyday. Secondly, they always tell me everything last minute. Today they were going to mall and right the very moment they were dressed up and ready to leave my dad asks me ‘Get ready, We’re going to the mall’ and I was completely taken aback. I didn’t know and he just told me they were going in 3 minutes in advance. 3rdly, I just don’t felt cared for and loved. I haven’t been hugged or kissed in months and I actively self sabotage. I’ve been urging my parents to do a School related activity but they’ve been putting it off and i’m afraid pretty soon it’ll be too late to do it. Yeah, so it’s the ‘small’ thing that annoy me. I’m gonna be 18 in a few days and i’m a boy. I’m contemplating having a Mental breakdown when they get home but i’m also thinking ‘What’s the point? They still won’t get it and just see themselves in the right and make me out to be the villain’. I also know they’ll actively ignore me by ‘pretending’ to be on the Phone or too ‘busy’ to talk if I confronted them about this subject. What can i do that doesn’t end with me cutting them out of my life forever even if they beg to be let back in? I’m a Middle child and have always felt unwanted in my family. I don’t mesh well with their personalities and have always felt I didn’t belong here. If any parent reads this, PLEASE PLEASE take extra special care of your Middle kids. Don’t ignore or alienate them and let them know you love them. Especially if their personality isn’t similar to you or their siblings. I’ve nearly gone through with Sui**de 2 times, I’m pretty sure the 2nd one would’ve worked without a Doubt.

your hair looks particularly amazing this video! and that coral red is STUNNING on you 🥰 great video as always!

Was just told by a guy I’d been seeing casually that he’s having a hard time connecting with women…so, basically “I’m not connecting with you, so don’t expect anything from me”. We had had sex during his most recent visit, I doted on him, we cuddled, I rubbed his back and encouraged him to just relax and take it easy. He didn’t seem to be interested in going out and doing anything with me, instead figuring out when to meet back up with his brother or just getting back home, which is 2 hours away. I had asked him some questions about his feelings and he teared up when I asked if he’d been hurt before. I know that he has abandonment issues from his absent biological father. I believe he’s dealt with this by becoming a people pleaser, hyper sexual and emotionally unavailable. Of course as an ACOA all of the above for me is like a moth to the flame.

i am sort of similar to the girl in this case. a lot of girls and guys are STILL hooked onto me even though I "broke their hearts" as they say. ive been working on catching these kinds of obsessive people early on as to not let them get into that hooked state on me. i only slowly open up to keep them from getting trauma bonded to me. now i am attracting more reasonable people and building up friendships first before doing any romantic relationships(i dont have any friends yet, yes my avoidance is that bad) so please if you are attracted to my kind of people know that its going to be really hard especially if they're not actively working towards healing but if they are then listen to our boundaries and clear warnings we give. sometimes you will have to accept you cant help us. only we can help ourselves.

Thank you Anna. Spot on as always! ❤

Thats bad we let people in so quickly I have done it many times so be gentle with yourself. It takes what it take to heal. They are called growing pains for a reason. That sucks too. Anna does help so so much! I watch youtube animal videos. Scary stories. Like to distract myself .

Fish hook of Doom 😂😂😂

What about giving yourself to someone who said you were their person but then they switched from kind sweet and loyal to mean spirited and talking to other women? Is that normal? I think I moved to fast and needed more time to get to know him. I thought we had a deep connection but I think I imagined it all. I really helped him with his life issues. I feel like he was just getting as much attention and love from me while giving very little. Why is it so hard to see this crap beforehand?

Always on point

Hey 'Stephen', I am so sorry for your experience. Grief is hard. Sending love. I hope Annie's talk is helping you. All the very best to you mate .

This really hits home!

Thanks Anna, one of your best! 👍😊🙏

Life bless you Anna xx "Stephen" you'll find the right one, you sound like a wonderful person❤

Oh, I hate that when outside people tell me what relationship I have with one of my parents, instead of just telling me what they have (gratitude, experience etc). I got 'thanks to your father, my child was born and is alive' way less than 'oh you are the youngest of 4, you bask in love of the whole family!' (no I did not). So I get this outside gaslighting, and it's argh. Than that 2 weeks love, that's a bit too intense for a dysorganised attachment like me, but I don't see real malice there, looks like BPD. And since she didn't tell him she has it, she doesn't yet know, but she has noticed the pattern and told him about it; as they tend to do. I guess we just so easily dismiss stories people tell about themselves, but some of them are... maybe not true at the core, but self-fulfilling.

The thumbnail made me laugh outloud.

He should find someone who adores him for a change.

I can understand not feeling good about yourself....

I have complex PTSD and didn’t realize about it till very recently. I’ve gone out three times with a girl and kissed her once and now she’s making me feel a little uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s me or her. I was looking for a relationship, but something weird now

Hi CCF team! Does Anna have a playlist here on YT geared towards career success? I am working towards a promotion next year and am worried I will self-sabotage. A lot of people will be counting on me and that is when I tend to go into flight/avoidant behaviors.

This is why I avoid relationships as a whole...

I don't know if anybody reading this comment is familiar with the channel Catfished, but I made the connection while watching this video that oh, THIS is how people end up sending thousands of dollars to romance scammers and stay in it for months or even years

How can I write you a letter? Not sure it's "read on your show worthy", nonetheless, I am tripping over myself b/t 2 men...both ex's. What am I doing?

A "real man" ??

😢😢😢😢😢😢

Sounds like he dated my ex

14:14 Your own mom mispronouncing and mispelling your name???? Sheesh!!!

I've been entangled with entitled and selfish men who I gave my all to, so I'm very familiar with this dynamic and I'm working on having better boundaries. I have to say, though, that I'm seeing a pattern in entitled men sending in a letter and framing it as if they were robbed of something just because a woman they'd been aggressively pursuing wasn't interested in them. I don't know, but I see red flags in the letters of these men. Usually, people who have CPTSD blame *themselves* instead of the other person and they take on TOO MUCH responsibility, even feeling responsible for the actions of the other person, but these men don't seem to take any responsibility or be aware of other people's boundaries. They just seem angry that a woman didn't want them. I don't know, it's just my impression. Lots of letters by men follow this pattern. Seems like covert abuse to me, but other viewers might offer their perspectives to this, if they want. I could be wrong.

When women write you're all "I'm not gonna talk about him because he didn't write to me", but here you're all "she doesn't have a heart". 🙄

Sounds he is a victim and she is the ultimate evil. He did not planned proper dates, both dumped all their issues on each other, doing tatooes.... agreed on all her conditions (time, place). Not taking ownership.... I am not sure Anna this is an "ideal man" . 🤷

Really like some of your videos, but after watching a lot and listening to the podcast it often feels like you’re talking specifically to women. Men are suffering too!

Go straight to 16:50 to cut out the tedious letter/waffle. Viewers don't need to know all that (we all have our own different stories) - just get straight on with WHAT TO DO.

What she did was calculating. She trauma matched you purposely so she could get the high she needed, then moved on to traumatize someone else! That woman has SERIOUS problems!