What a beautiful comment. Thank you for sharing the hard parts of your story to illuminate the miracle of your healing. I saved your comment, because it made my day!

Crappy knows, because she is A ABUNDANT

@Louis76 That's why you should stop being a tool for people. I am a helpful person as well and am going to therapy to process my CPTSD and my therapist told me not to be a tool and help only if you want and only when people directly ask you for help directly

Oh gosh me too. Years of therapy, some of which helped, but I wish they had just up and told me the diagnosis

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much for this ❤

Thank you for commenting and sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

Yes me too... I think of my Mom at home while my dad had affairs with the church choir director then the assistant pastor’s wife. My mother was so dedicated to my dad. Her suspicions made her physically sick.

I agree. I wouldn't want to do that to anyone, nor would I want it done to me.

I am so sorry you went through that.

Ewwww I caught my Dad doing that, too. Heard him tell the other woman not to worry, that my mum will never find out. I was in highschool. I told my mum and...she wouldn't believe me! I was so angry at her. I learned that as the kid, it's not my monkey or my circus. Sometimes we ARE smarter than our parents and you just have to let them act the fools and take care of YOU.

Great insight!

Thanks, Edie. You are most likely correct.💛

This is so hard to put into action though😭

I think it goes deeper still! Feeling a compulsion can be a very real and good move by God to speak up and out! Well, to those who believe in God as I do, at least. That said, I can relate with you in terms of taking time to maybe not speak up at all. Depends. There have been plenty of times where my best self should have spoken out, I felt the compulsion to do so, didn't, and regretted it later. It was a lack of assertiveness on my part. Cowardice. Selfishness. Other times, sure, I just went with it and later thought, "Did I reeeeallly need to say that?" Discernment is key for every individual in a given context.

Very wise..i am experiencing the same

Very well said R.P. and that was a reminder I needed after watching that video. Thanks.

This-very much this.

Rp I'm glad you've written this because it's the truth. Gut feeling for me usually shows itself in strong physical sensations and a definite knowledge about things. I usually know beyond doubt when something's wrong. There's also been the warning whispers in my mind that I've heard on rare occasions before a personal disaster but didn't heed. Why didn't I heed them? They seemed to come out of the blue, like lighting bolts from deep inside me or from an outside connection and contained brief, shocking information. I hope that if I ever get one of these again that I'll slow down and act on the warning. Intuition is frequently only information from our other senses which our subconscious has picked up, made sense of and then presents to us. Our subconscious can do incredible work with speedy or even instant results for something that would have taken ages to figure out logically. Logical conclusions are important too of course and they often validate gut instincts. We should never second guess ourselves, our first answer is usually the correct one, almost always.

@@elliegreen4738 totally! Out of the blue and mostly non logical!! So amazing 😉!! Our logic is shot by definition but intuition is ever present and is our true essence:-)

This is a very important distinction. Thank you. Impulse =/= intuition

Me too

Oooor maybe your gut instinct is to second guess things you know???

I struggle with this too. I also wrestle with determining if I am being the unreasonable one in a situation or if I am “crapfitting,” as Anna so aptly defines it. Something has shifted in the last year or so where I am having better gut instincts. And this is after years of a wacky inner compass needle that’s veered very far from true North. I think what’s really helped is making slower decisions where I check in with myself to notice whether I am acting in accordance with past patterns and conditioning that has historically created ruts and led nowhere, or whether I am making a reasoned decision that blends objective fact with internal alignment. I believe Anna has made some videos on trauma-driven decisions that could be helpful if anyone wishes to do a deeper dive. Thanks for bringing up this important discussion point! 🙏💙🌿

@@80islandia exactly. Not trusting myself has been a big hurdle. I know I can be reactive and unreasonable. I have a hard time knowing when my feelings are warranted. My mother used to actually tell me I didn't see reality the way it is whenever I brought my feelings to her attention.

Could not agree more!!

But we don't have to keep doing that :) -Cara@TeamFairy

So true! It's depressing.

Wow...that is a powerful insight. Thank you for sharing.

So true. It must be the worst and most widely destructive start for a life, to have a bad childhood that causes this. It really is crumbs that you are left with, that you take with you to build your own adult life.

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy really well said!

That's emotional intelligence, not intuition. Knowing what's going on isn't the same as knowing the right thing to do about it.

@@kevinbissinger Call it whatever you want, I had it as soon as I was born. I have very sophisticated memories from when I was even in a crib. As a baby, it doesn't matter if you have emotional intelligence or intuition, you can't do shit about it, let alone the "right" thing. Not sure what the point of your comment was, was it to validate my words or challenge definitions? Confusing.

@ Jenny Lynn I understand. I always referred to it as a sixth sense. It has always been right. To my detriment, I listened to others ( my abusers) who didn't have this gift. I wish I had the strength to listen to myself, but I had been beaten down. My ex was a know it all who was a book smart narcissist. I had been told to shut up by my narc mom and my ex

@@jlynnmenzel Same here! I remember things from being a baby, My intuition is super strong today. but oboy I needed to let go and trust it. and it's one of the most amazing thing. Its unconditional love. My intuition made sure that I knew as a baby that I'm not a lone during this journey.

@@NN-up3mq definitely learning to trust our inner guidance is real and powerful has been the hardest task! I’ve concluded that if it feels icky, there’s something wrong. And I trust that I’m being protected.

This.

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice" RUSH

I think that comment will resonate with SO many fellow CPTSD survivors -Cara@TeamFairy

Which IS a decision 🤦🏼‍♀️

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Is there anything people who struggle with decisions bcs of CPTSD can try?

Same here I ALWAYS trust my gut, if I don't things would be worse than they already are.

@@toots810usa6 so 👍for me too. Worst decisions I made were when red flags were all over the field it was bloody...yet I blew by them like they were nothing even tho they bothered my " gut" no end.. I think there must be a distinction between " gut" response, and cptsd response. Cuz I agree with her that certain emotional responses in the romantic arena especially are really that " virus" of codepency sending out a super strong, highly charged " false positive " that, say, " this guy might be the one...there's something about him..."... no. You cannot know someone is right for you until you get time to know them well...and married persons are ALWAYS wrong for the single person, just by definition. No " gut feeling" should override that fact.

The goal is 100% to trust our gut instincts, but there are many with unhealed CPTSD who need healing and help to get there. -Cara@TeamFairy

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I'm sorry but I believe the guy cutting himself on the peeler is a direct consequence of his wife's hoarding and should be a wake up call to them both but esp her.

Me too!!!

Layla is a beautiful name!

Beautiful comment. :)

I did the same when I inherited something. it was the inner child that got everything it was denied as a small child. I thought about too to change my name that was given to me by my adoptee parents. Because the meaning of my given name is a pure lie as nit means the pure gift of God. They have beaten neglected and murdered in my eyes (he died because of this and they don't went into hospital to save his live) their own biological child an had not even done an authopsy. But changing names is not as easy here in f*** germany you have to say why you want to change and so on and it is very expensive too.

@esischuber4335,so sorry that you had to go through that and especially while obviously in a country you don’t like at all. Can’t you do yourself something really great and move to a place/country where you might feel better?

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a loss. My sincere hope is that everyone will find the comfort I found in the techniques I teach; I do know many lives have been saved.

💔🕊

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. ♥️

I'm sorry that you lost someone who meant so much to you. I offended think about opting out. I have no one, but my partner of 20 yrs. Reading your comment made me see things from his point-of-veiw. I used to think he would just be able to move on...didn't really think how he might really feel & the long-term effects.Thank you for sharing.

Your comment feels so supportive. Thank you so much for sharing, I needed to read this today ❤

Thank you for sharing too- I'm sorry you experienced that -Cara@TeamFairy

@o. t. If the mistress knows she's a mistress then its her fault too. Sorry, not sorry.

I don't think a woman should be with another woman's man. It hurts so many people

Is there anything wrong with friends if they're going through a divorce? That's where I am now but it's nothing romantic at all.

@@jenniferleigh1674 If it's out in the open-transparent, nothing to hide & truly just friends then you have no need to question. If you're questioning it, hoping it'll be more once the divorce is done, then you have your answer.

Thanks for those words! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Alison_Schmitt, this is really common for people with CPTSD. As you may know I offer a number of online courses, and the newest one is the Connection Bootcamp. It's a 30 day program of videos and worksheets to help you strengthen your ability to connect. I hope you'll have a look: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy it would be easier to believe you meant well if you weren't plugging a product.

@@tiredtears4177 She provides plenty for free, and she desereves to make money for her constant work. Therapists make tons more, and are less helpful.

@@tiredtears4177 yes....and if you do sign up to the course you have to be aware that the subscription gets autorenewed meaning another $300. I just looked through my bank deets and saw that ive paid for a subscription that I didnt want and haven't used and won't be refunded for 😪

It seems like society has really encouraged people to be superficial, has to be “fun“, easy and carefree. Life isn’t all that way. There are serious things that need to be thought about, not complained about, but thought about, discussed, resolved etc. But if you aren’t vacuous, cheering them on all the time, if you have anything real to say or experience, it scares them. And then on the other hand, there are those who wallow in self-pity, victimhood, and negativities. Finding someone who is genuine, working on things, respectful, keeps their word, is increasingly challenging to find.

Unhealed CPTSD makes our discernment so difficult, the point is that we really need healing to find a healthy relationship or even be attracted to one. -Cara@TeamFairy

You want the married man because your thinking is distorted. You think if he is good enough for a woman and another woman has him, it means he is a high prize. You also like how he doesn’t really care for being a nice guy and knows you still will be around.

@@62WILDCAT good for you Carol! I'm proud of you! Keep sharing your truth and goodness and being STRONG as a women who has returned to her roots of what is right!! You WIN!

@@62WILDCAT 🥰 Thank you for sharing your story

As a man who's legally married but going thru a divorce, both myself and my ex have new partners and want nothing to do with each other. I still get shade for having a girlfriend while technically being married.

Appreciate your insight!

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you.

Amen !!!!! 🙏🏾 That is SO true !!!

As survivors of cptsd we have excellent antennas for danger... this is how we survived. I too, have such feelings about people ( I call this intuition) and when I say I’m not gonna follow my gut feeling) I get in trouble about 3 months later or so. Every single time... now, I follow it and stay away from trouble plus got some good boundaries;-)

@Harry_GW I understand. Since it can feel good to be around people but they aren't all really trustworthy we can also get more sane about HOW we associate. Like, we don't have to trust people 100% to meet up at the dog park, we just get more clear about boundaries. -Cara@TeamFairy

I almost never trusted my guts, bc I wasn't taught self esteem. The older I gut my mom was clinging to me and my father wasn't available emotionally (ok, they were from greatest generation and acted like from silent generation). They never talked about important things, problems weren't handled, but silenced. There never really was laughter in my home. Later I recognized that my mom was severely depressed and wasn't treated. Too late for me. You can't make up for a crappy childhood.

I love your user. name :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks :)

Exactly what happened to me. My ex husband was vague in the beginning of our relationship, turned out to be ragingly jealous and narcissistic, kept me away from my family and estranged my friends, tore me down and whenever I tried to break up with him he cried the tears of an elephant begging me not to leave him. Every time, against to what my instincts told me, I stayed, until he managed to pressure me into marrying him and things went even worse. I woke up when he beat me for the first time. I left that night. He tried to manipulate me into coming back but luckily I was so clearheaded at that point that I didn't go back for the 15,000th time. But for now I'm trying to learn to listen to my insticts the right way.

The same happened to me! I felt this horrible vacuum in my stomach when I had to see him, and nobody believed me... they said he was awesome and a good guy. I was 14 then, now I'm 38 and God knows what I've been through, but I'm free now.

As it happens, I made a video about this very thing a few months ago: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jstpdZd9ycDHdH0.html

Well stated, great turn of phrase. Alibi for misery= self delusion/ deception = toxic fantasy= cognitive dissonance= trauma bond= RECIPE FOR DISASTER. If it is bad for you AND hurts others too, then IT IS NOT to be called or considered good. It is not like overeating chocolate which only hurts you if you have No dependents. No one said giving up addictions is hard...and these people use words that sound like addiction if they could be HONEST for just one second. Oh And Every school should include lessons on limerance when they teach about puberty and sex ed. Learn that you cannot trust hormones when they contradict what your brain knows if it was about someone else...if you would warn your friend and question them on a situation then do not be a hypocrite when the situation is about you needing to have self control, realistic expectations/ relationships and make good choices. Twin flames is like believing in Roman Mythology or Santa Claus...outdated and ridiculous for adults in a modern, functional and logical society.

It's just silly limerence. Not real twin flames.

I fell for the New Age stuff too at one time. It can make you feel like you are Karmicly bonded to a vicious, angry loser. There is another video that I love by Krystelin Karazan, she's a life coach primarily for African American woman but she's got spot on advice that all women can use. She has a video on her Pink Pill channel about how women can be bonded to a man because of a chemical called Oxytocin that makes a woman feel like she wants to make a baby with a man. It's released during sex. So that's why you have to delay sex till you figure out if he's an addict, psycho, Narc or loser first. That "Twin Flame" feeling is most likely the chemical Oxytocin at work, but New Age people are then going to make money telling you stories about twin flames, giving you Tarot card readings all about the non relationship that you really don't have and distracting you from real life.

@@XtineJohnes Spot on with the oxytocin discussion. I'm a doula and midwife's assistant in training and our bodies really do take over when it comes to babies. But it's not a magic thing at all.

I’m so glad I found this channel too. My father committed suicide when I was young. My mom and I were homeless as a child. We lived with her abusive (sexually and physically) boyfriend around that same time a few years after. It was literal hell. If you can do it, and I can do it, we can all heal from CPTSD. It takes time...and a compassionate person, who also survived, who can help ground us along our journeys. And congratulations on being a father. You are already _breaking the cycle_ through your self-awareness from day 1.

@@mahlina1220 Thank you so much I wish you happiness and love on your journey you are courageous

I hear this time and again about having children being either the motivation or the turning point in healing. That's great for those who do have them. Honestly dont want to sound bitter but recognise my jealousy in this. Has anyone found a healed person or practitioner who did the healing despite wanting but never having children? Every time I engage with some site or other in no time the children appear and I feel excluded again. Anyone??

@@amandagreaves581 I changed alot from talking in a 3 month old puppy when I was just 20 years old As well, she is ten now and was a vital part of my life. Parenting and companionship comes in all different forms, show love with no remorse ❤

@Amanda I hear you and yes, I have been in contact with MANY who didn't end up having children for a variety of reasons. -Cara@TeamFairy

What lies? I dont lie to myself, did when i was with my parents but not since i moved out

Good stuff. Don't ever let them back once abolished.

@@bradleyhenderson1198 but they are my parents

Yes

When we are focused on healing and getting healthy, we tend to notice others who are doing the same more often. -Cara@TeamFairy

OOoohhhh "Future Faking" my ex did that all the time. I'd ask him to take care of something and he would say "I will. I will. I will! I will! I will!! I will!!!" He'd just keep repeating that with more vehemence ven tho I hadn't said anything else.

This is an excellent example of how childhood PTSD can wreak havoc and really challenges the whole community to be compassionate. -Cara@TeamFairy

Damn PREACH

@@elf3477 thanks. I see TRUTH as the only real form of compassion. Without TRUTH, what others mislabel as compassion IS really enabling, grovelling, crippling and degrading so as to not have to do the hard thing and the mature thing. If offending or making someone in an adulterous relationship feel a small amount of legitimate shame just enough to save even one life, then I will make that call every single time! Women need to have enough self love and love of other women to be brave and say if you are knowingly committing adultery then you are basically knowingly poisoning yourself and others too so STOP for the sake of all and stop letting these despicable players put you at risk while they use you! Truth is Love and I love all people enough to tell them the truth even if it is not what they want to hear and makes them hurt worse briefly. Like chemo to kill the cancer if I have to be, but usually people are nit so stubborn and selfish to keep on in denial once they hear the truth, they get help. See most women are aware and recognize this on a fundamental level and that is why men usually lie and trick women and/ or less experienced younger girls into these toxic, deceptive relationships. But the ones who knowingly enter in and know there are wives and kids and he is not divorced, have something very wrong and deeply broken in them that needs healing asap and cannot be healed while they continue in these nightmare fantasies that starve the soul to fatten the flesh. There are wicked men who easily sniff that desperation and self deficit we often mislabel as nurturing compassion out and us women need to let our sisters know it is not ok, not love at all, but very dangerous manipulation and control. They want puppets or sex bots and will say anything but actions speak louder. Love for a man is putting your needs first because deep down they protect what they love. It is in DNA. If he only protects himself then he is a narcissist. END the sick thrill of real risk immediately and permanently, no discussions or second thoughts so go no contact and get help to channel that thrill in a way that feeds your soul and is not wicked. You deserve better. You deserve to thrive with real love!! Life is no game and no joke. He lied. He no good. He gone! These ladies need to Get help like a gambling addict or meth addict would and stop lying to themselves if it is like a pattern. Anyone can fall for a fraud once and get over it fairly fast but if that's not the case then GET HELP and grow! You know the fool me once adage is true. The only ones with excuses are the ones tricked but as soon as they figure it out that he is married and not widowed or single, then accept you were duped because even smart people fet conned and they are scum so BOLT, flee, save yourself!! You are better than that, deserve better and do not need to be another statistic and mixed up in the hellish drama that often follows!! True friends and counselors do not mince words. SO Tired of seeing smashed vehicles, burnt belongings, ER visits, suicides, lawyers making money off misery, stds, abortions, unwanted kids and struggling traumatized single parents because people are too afraid to have Real Compassion for society and for the victims and manipulated out there. IF You knowingly get into these risky, going nowhere toxic relationships then you need rehab for sex addiction or whatever is influencing you to make self destructive choices and mislabeling it as love. You are a human with knowledge and know better. Overcome your hormones and look out for yourself. Do not jeopardize careers and more. Tell these jokers no means no and that you are not afraid to tell HR. It is better for everyone to command respect and the more women who know their worth and set boundaries the less men will try this crap. Stop tolerating it! And the will learn to co trol themselves and stop doing it and the world will improve quickly and especially for young women! That is true progress!! So if you get into these affairs get out and heal the trauma in you, that is probably from childhood and not your fault, but your responsibility and needs addressing so you can find a real love and not need to be in dangerous situations that traumatize others and adding to the cycles. Be the change end the pain in your and prevent it in others! This is what we need to learn and teach and as women preach to our sisters and friends, daughters etc.. otherwise we are all fronting and just giving lip service cause we are too scared or self absorbed or pampering our own previous guilt and shame to show real compassion by being bold enough to give the hard honest truth to the people who desperately need to hear and believe it the most. And then we need to help them follow through too. Just like any other addiction. That is real love and I am not ashamed to say it and advocate for it. And glad for those who agree and disappointed at those too unrepentant to agree. This is how we empower women and stop tearing down what other women built before us and support each other until we get real equity and equality. If that man has problems with his wife then tell him grow up and if he cannot be faithful to her until all hope is lost and he is totally divorced and his kids have had time to adjust first, then he is NO Man worthy of YOU and just keep on moving as fast as you can!! Cause if he treats her and his kids like that then he will do it again and to YOU and who signs up for that knowingly??? Focus on self. Fix yourself first and then the other stuff will be easier and healthier. Without interventions, his and your past behavior predicts future behavior and sometimes even with work and rehab, it can keep repeating in unfaithful men so just love yourself enough to require better. Women need to learn early on to Stop settling and compromising just to please fickle, entitled partners or they will have misery and pain for decades to come. No more excuses. We are too smart, have come too far and have too many opportunities to keep falling in the same traps ladies. LOVE ❤🙏🤗💪💪💪💪💪

👏👏👏

Spoke volumes!

True. I feel myself disconnected with my own kids. It appears there is some monster inside me when I got triggered. But people around just put shame and don't understand us.

It's not right for everyone- it's good to be realistic about what we can handle. That said, after years in healing and the 'Daily Practice', I can handle a multitude of things that seemed impossible at one time. bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

Dealing with other peoples kids goes on for the rest of our lives. Grown kids exist. Discern heavily. It is frustrating indeed.

Same

You are so wise to understand that kids trigger your inner child. I think Parenthood is overrated and we do not need to produce more children until all the children in shelters have a home

Thanks for being here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Each one of those objects holds a memory and is a witness of my life, so to speak.

Thank you for that perspective :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Thanks for watching! -Calista@TeamFairy

It IS horrible, AND it can be healed.

Yep. Part of healing seems to be figuring out the differences between “gut” feelings. Some are triggers, some are really intuition….one therapist enlightened me “depressive thoughts feel like deep truths” YIKES!

@@lindarinnyo6239 yes they do. It is so unfair that we get lead by deep dysfunctional instincts. I have felt so stupid when I do that.

I agree. I can't trust my triggers but I've always been able to trust my gut. The only times I didn't is what got me into trouble. When I started trusting myself more, my life changed

Know what helps me? Daring to entertain the idea that maybe JUST MAYBE having a pregnancy doesn't mean you know how to be a parent. I had to accept that my parents were just a pair of ignorant kids who didn't have the wisdom to be good parents. I forgive them easier realizing they didn't make these mistakes on purpose. They're just...ignorant. Which weirdly enough helped me realize the impulses I have as a result of their parenting (always doubting myself, always scared to take life by the steering wheel and make it what I decide) are different from MY AUTHENTIC opinion. For example, my folks believed being LGBTQ was evil, and they spent so much time indoctrinating me into hating LGBTQ....But if left to my own devices, I really don't have a hate for gays. And later I admitted my own attraction to women as a bisexual. My mother doesn't believe me, says secular society has influenced me to think I'm bisexual. But the reality is ever since I was a kid, I had crushes on girls AND boys. And if I trust my own gut, I know the truth: girls are cute to me and there's nothing wrong with thinking that. You just have to learn how to determine the difference between what's truly your gut feeling vs what your parents TOLD you should be your gut feeling. I really lied to myself most of my life, telling myself that what my parents dictate what my feelings are truly ARE my feelings.

They sound like a user, manipulative, maybe even narcissistic. I hope you are not in that kind of relationship now.

That's right.

That married coward as "wonderful" as he seems has crafted a cunning deception. Love is kind it does not deceive, trust is the bedrock. Listen to HG Tudor about how deceivers think, he sees you as an appliance, not a loving woman with inherent worth and value. Don't be shortchanged you are worthy of love not sloppy leftovers in darkness. Cry out to God to help you, He is faithful beloved 💖🙏

It’s very easy to say that but in reality many of us with CPTSD only ever get the option of unavailable people. And eventually your conscience and your will breaks, because after years of being single and ignored you are left literally starving for love, sex, and connection. So you take crumbs because it’s better than the nothing you’ve had for years. I won’t judge that woman because the exact same thing happened to me. Every man I ever attracted was unavailable, and those relationships would end in heartbreak, anger and rejection, then I would be single for many years. Without a group of friends. So, basically alone in my life. By my mid thirties I’d had only two dysfunctional relationships with huge gaps in between. Then I met a married man. He didn’t tell me he was married initially and the chemistry was off the charts. Then after a couple of weeks he told me, but by that time I just wanted what I wanted. The sex was the best I’d ever had, we connected on humor, intellect, ideas, all of it. We could literally finish each other’s sentences. I knew exactly when he was going to call or text. It was almost telepathic. So THATS why hurt and damaged people have affairs. And no, there weren’t all these great guys that I was rejecting to be with this guy. And in the many years since I ended it with him, have there been all these great guys waiting to give me love? No. It never happened. Because I have untreated CPTSD. But I’m still human and need love, connection, sex, emotional support and to be seen and valued. And it hasn’t happened. So yeah, that’s why people take crumbs and revel in the brief moments of joy and connection. Because without them it’s Back To Black, just like the song.

@@alisonschmitt9533 I hear you. The crumbs from dogs will never nourish. Alone is better than abused. Wrong side of 40 now 5yrs and 2yrs no contact with violent psychopath ex then addicted manipulative surviving family. Following trauma, control, violence since childhood and facing death a few times I decided to break the chains and live my life by my own standards for the sake of my children. I took my little ones, a few carrier bags, left my house/everything and stepped into new life. Was it hard, YES! Was it worth it, YES, YES, YES! Some people are very cruel and I am slowly trusting to rebuild our lives. We can finally laugh now 🙌💪🤣 I am alone but not lonely and am healing with the Word of God to remind me that despite the darkness there is always Hope, His name is Jesus, He loves you so much He died to pay your ransom. Love is an action 💕 You will get through this 🙏

@@FaithfulandTrue949 dumping your Christianity all over me is beyond offensive. I have CPTSD because I was raised in a Christian religious cult! You might be fine to be alone with your kids. I don’t have kids, but I do have powerful unmet needs for love, sex and companionship. For a soulmate. I am a beautiful soul who has been hi jacked by CPTSD. I was alone and single for most of my 20’s and 30’s. You think that’s bearable or tolerable? Its not. I have a huge capacity for love and a high sex drive. Seems like you didn’t hear me at all. Yes we can all rationalize these situations. You think I don’t understand why affairs with married people are wrong and destructive?. I’m *explaining* why it happens, not promoting it.

@@FaithfulandTrue949 Golden Words! :)

Also great opportunity to try Anna' courses designed exactly for healing childhood PTSD :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy that’s right!! I’m doing your daily practice and still get amazed at the power of it! Thank you 😊

I'm so glad to hear that!

Sura S ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker is a fantastic book about this.

I'm being stalked. I even went to the same location as before to see if anyone turned up. They did. They failed the test and proved my gut right.

I'm so glad you're here, we're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

It's a very painful situation for more people than the just the letter-writer. This really illustrates how damaging untreated cPTSD is. Very sorry that happened to you -Cara@TeamFairy

I’ll be your friend. 💖

Me too, I can add my friends on one hand. And need one finger, your not alone. And with good company ❤️

We are here for you. We will be your friends.

So sorry. I relate. Hurts lots.

Like Anna said, it sounds like loneliness is your emotional flashback. I have them and it feels terrible, but you can recover. Do the daily practice and keep at it. Anything is better than that feeling. I have been there.

Yeah. Even religion speaks of the danger of blind faith.

Steven James Beto Our intuition has nothing to do with our emotions, this man got it wrong. Examples of decisions made because of emotion are when the lying media Shills presented the public with images and news of large numbers of people dying from a deadly disease they called covid people's emotions were triggered and even though the evidence of their eyes and ears told them that there was something seriously wrong they didn't question their governments. To this day in Ireland, even though the official death toll for 2020 was lower than it had been in years people are still scared by those images from Italy shown by the media. Intuition and gut feeling are nothing like this, you usually just need to listen to your body. Ask yourself a question and put your hand on your heart, listen quietly for the answer.

@@elliegreen4738 Intuition and emotion are indeed separate things which called for the inclusion of "and". We humans have limitations, but do the best we can. I prefer to use the facts to guide me, and the wisdom and experience of others, knowing I might be wrong. Professor Sapolsky is a recipient of the MacArthur Genius Award.

@@stevenjbeto I use fact to guide me too, the annual death statistics in relation to the governments claims of a pandemic for instance. I also use the evidence of my own eyes and ears rather than facts provided by corrupt, puppet governments and media. I trust my own instincts and logical deductions more than those of anyone else although I do pay attention to well meant advice from people I know. Emotion doesn't come in to this for me at all, intuition has nothing to do with emotion and although logic is part of it generally goes on beneath the surface in an unconscious way. I don't necessarily trust the validity of any awards or prizes given because most, ( if not all ) establishment institutions cannot be trusted.

@@elliegreen4738 In the end, Ms. Green, neither of us can be certain that our success was founded on the decisions we made, or just good fortune. I wish you well, Ellie Green.

Thanks for sharing. So glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy

Those of us with unhealed CTPSD have a hard time with reality. Anna's courses really help correct to correct that. -Cara@TeamFairy

Totally agree that we want to learn to repair damage so we can trust ourselves. It would be nice to start there, but not practical for most of us who are filled with fear and resentments. Fortunately, any of Anna's courses will jump start this repair process.

I am often trapped between; Is this intuition or is this fear and delusion. On one hand, my intuition is rather good, I have been spot on many times in my life. Now, on the other hand, my wiring is shot. What feels right is often wrong for me. I have to go by logic and facts. It is hard to tell these two sensations apart. An example of how this looks and feels would be: Imagine waking up from a very real-feeling nightmare about a ghost or demon inside your home or bedroom. After you wake up, logically you know there is nothing there and it was a just a nightmare. However, the fear feeling remains and your body and mind are less convinced and so you might flip a light on for the rest of the night. Turning the light on isn't your intuition. It wouldn't actually save you if a ghost or demon was haunting you. That would be a fear response but it would feel right in that moment.

Nicely said. Hugs to you, this channel has made me feel less alone.

I strongly agree. Telling someone "No, I don't think you can trust yourself" is setting them up for even more codepence. People with C-PTSD CAN and SHOULD trust their guts and intuition, the problem is we're often disconnected from them, and so tangled up in trauma programming and triggers we don't know what is whatat. We learned early on not to trust ourselves. That's what we need to get back to, that knowledge deep within we know is true. This is some of the most harmful advice I've heard today.

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Fortunately, reconnection with the self happens through many avenues. I've chosen to take the bottom-up processing psychotherapy with a very individualized approach (took a while to find the right therapist, but oh buddy does the trust in the therapeutic relationship and unconditional positive regard help me build other protective factors), in conjunction with acupuncture. As trauma is stored in the body, it must be released in the body. The first time I have ever felt physiologically safe has been on my traditional chinese medicine practitioners' table after a session. Likewise, psycho-education through works like "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Say What You Mean" have helped tremendously.

@Ashley_Chapman thanks so much for sharing with us!

It was a very brave letter to write, thanks for sharing :)

I find a bitterness can rise in me around carefree kids of a certain age because I myself at that age was already fending for myself. It shows up as annoyance that the kid is behaving immaturely, but the truth of the matter is I'm feeling envy that they get to stay kids for longer than I was able to.

Been there. The stepparent role is awful, particularly if they are raised differently. Been there. Very manipulative stepdaughter (type, because we were not married) and spoiled children. The father doesn't see the manipulatation either, because he is also manipulative.

Thank you for sharing. Reading your comment, I realize why I never wanted children. What if the child was overweight or awkward (like me)? What if the child was homely (like they told me)? What if the child was a *child*, and forgot things sometimes? (I often received the rebuke, "You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached!") What if the child was just figuring things out, imperfectly? ("You don't have any common sense!") What if the child was just a poor, little defenseless child, and I couldn't love it... Just like they couldn't love me. I couldn't deal with myself, if I ever did that.

My mother was a Diane. My mere existence in her world triggered her. She recruited my father and my younger siblings to join her triggered outbursts of extended criticism, dredging up everything imaginable that offended them, with favored offenses to endlessly repeat. Her beatings were acts of mercy in comparison. My gut knew something was amiss, but I convinced myself my experience was normal because everyone in my world played along, a sick version of community gaslighting. No one could be trusted. I'm now learning that my normal childhood was not normal at all.

Thanks!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! -Cara@TeamFairy

That last line is a great encapsulation. I only JUST realized a situation I keep finding myself in is related to all of this and it has been confusing as Hell everytime. A couple month ago, I finally accepted that an old counselor was correct with his hunch of CPTSD. I told him that I was not in war and I had veteran friends and family and I didn't feel it was appropriate. I ticked all of the boxes. I recently came into a situation where there was no denying and I have had massive changes just since accepting and working on this stuff. By the way, I also am vulnerable to those lies or disingenuity in social situations. I also have affects of ASD and apparently my Father was diagnosed with it a few years ago. My reaction had been to keep myself safe and just distrust EVERYONE. Trying to learn this as well. I appreciate you sharing because, personally, I recognize some of my situation in your comment. Good luck in/on your journey friend!

Thank you for watching and sharing your insight with us! Nika@TeamFairy

Damaged is the key word and we are all about repairing that damage at Crappy Childhood Fairy! -Cara@TeamFairy

My little granddaughter has been 'shamed' daily since day one....by the mom and 1/2 siblings. My heart breaks for her...my son also puts her down ..( parents divorced ).

Absolutely! It isn't our fault we have CPTSD so we all deserve all the compassion we can get.

Exactly! Understanding our condition doesn't heal the condition, it's just a first step. -Cara@TeamFairy

Right, you nailed it -- decisions to keep people from getting mad. Glad you are getting free!

Ugh. This sounds like me. I walk on eggshells around everyone. Because it seems like the moment I am truly honest with people things just explode and I feel like crap.

@@maryannemoll yes same

So glad!

:)

GOLDEN 🤗👍✌️

Took a screenshot of your comment. Thanks for your wisdom

@@CS-nb1jc thank you, warms my heart.

Wow, so amazing to hear! So glad you found the channel, we're rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Yes, I"m familiar with the emotional hangover myself -Cara@TeamFairy

I think the letter made clear that CPTSD plays a part in these complicated emotional entanglements. -Cara@TeamFairy

yeah nah, just no. That breach of trust, that dishonesty, that in itself is a massive massive red flag about the person, and if you can participate in that level of breach of trust and justify it, you may need to examine your own drives. If you do it, at least own what it is, just a breach of trust. If you are not happy but cant leave, then be honest and ask for room to move around other lovers. the ONLY time I would think otherwise is in DV situations where leaving is not an option safely.

​@@lizericsonn9367 ☝️ hard agree

I agree with what the 1st commenter said except plz don't become polyamorous with ppl who you can't trust. Multiple partners can spread STDs, Bacterial vaginitis, HIV and risk of pregnancy. How can we forget this basic fact? Let that sink in..

Only people with poor self worth would sign up to be 2nd or 3rd place by being in a relationship with a married person. Can you even call that a real relationship? Most men who cheat 9 times out of 10 are cheating with multiple women. Some men have sex addiction and have no real feelings for you at all. They only love their wife and he doesn't want to lose her so he tells all his side pieces the truth about him being married so they stay in their places and never blow his cover. I could never willingly participate in helping someone do something like that. It's disgusting.

:)

The Daily Practice helps me with clarity an awful lot! -Cara@TeamFairy

That is such a struggle, I identify with that. I recognize where I over advocated and was a real pain for others. I hope to be a better me each and everyday.

That is awesome! (love Marie Kondo).

Thanks for being here and sharing with us!

Thanks for that caring and supportive response to Karl!

Agreed! Beautiful insight, thank you!

Yes. Reliably. And how do we reach to that point? By being at peace with ourselves. Eliminate negative thinking. Checking our biases. Realizing that each person/situation is different. They may be similar, but not necessarily always the same. Then we let go of that trauma, with ease. We have to constantly work at it. And some intuitions are just clear cut, and very obvious for us to hear/see.

@FebbieG yes, that part about distinguishing is the tricky part :). for those that need the help discerning, Anna has developed some great courses -Cara@TeamFairy

I have to creep up on how much I suck a little at a time. I think the totality of it would be too much for my emaciated ego to take. 😁

LOL! Yes.

Hey Kristin! I need that kinda support too. Wanna connect? :)

@@JustHereToHear I'd love that

@@JustHereToHear Is your name written in Russian? I just joined telegram and don’t know how it works.

That's so loving, what a great community!

I get you, childhood bullying can make relationships hard and can create a perfectionism drive which is hard to escape. I have driven myself into burnout more than once to prove the bullies (and teachers) wrong, I have found a way to start healing by deciding not to let unrealistic expectations external or internal define me. I have found the Daily Practice very helpful in the two weeks since I started it as it means I can separate myself from the storm of feelings. I have found that it is necessary to have boundaries when developing friendships, in a similar way to not going fast in dating I will not let people in fast now and tend to keep friends to situational contexts until we have known each other for several years (I have very few people I stay in contact with when the context we met in ends) but this has helped me find real friends and not be too attached when the only real thing which connected us is no longer there. I have also learnt to just walk away if someone will not stop on a point which had already been discussed to death (especially if they are factually incorrect on the matter) it is just not worth the dysregulation (or full-blown autistic meltdown). It takes self-discipline, especially with obnoxious family members but means the relationship can be maintained if that is wanted or ended more gracefully if it is too much. It might be worth communicating with your friend privately about how you feel in regards to his mother, I know this could be hard if he is at his parental home or she is his main carer but if he is in a hospice or gets hospice support to give her a rest that might be the time when you can see him without her around.

I relate. Like what ?! I feel like I was a very submissive child.. I can't remember doing anything horrible but I do suppress badly

If your instincts have enabled you to choose great people and a happy, fruitful path, then this advice isn't necessary for you.

Amen, girl!

Ha ha, good one!

It's insightful you recognize yourself, and if you need more help take Anna's suggestion and try the free mini course 'Daily Practice' bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy

Justinael, I want to wish you luck in dealing with this, I hope you can find a healthy way to detach from him. It’s great that you recognise he’s not good for you.

@@ShintogaDeathAngel Thank you so much for the encouragement 💕 I'm trying to get over him right now.

Thanks for your comments :)

Thank you for sharing your story with us. We're all sending you support and and encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much. I wish I could see you while in London. Unfortunately, I'll be abroad. I'll definitely try to attend one of your sessions in the US. Cheers

We are all in agreement here, calling it 'thinking' or 'gut' is just semantics. With unhealed CTPSD we are stuck and not able to get to that intuitive and healthy spot. Anna's courses teach HOW to get back there. -Cara@TeamFairy

Amber, Amen!!!

Thanks so much for being here!

That's an excellent point! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you Sweden :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Really appreciate those comments! -Cara@TeamFairy

It's so common though that something unexpected happens so that we have to face our unhealed CTPSD. -Cara@TeamFairy