him: i hate children her: 🐆 CONSEQUENCES

Princess (the goat) was actually Max's biological mom the whole time, she turned into a goat to punish him after he said that he wouldn't eat his vegetables.

I think Zamboni is actually shockingly logical. He's a depressed eccentric magician, who lost his career because of what he thought was an accident. Let's not forget a bunch of children also did keep showing up and breaking into his house, so it was very logical for him to yell at the kids for continuing to pester him. The only part I don't think he's logical, is the end where he just forgives his wife, like bro you really just going to be a Jaguar for 11 years without telling me.

As a woman, I can say I would also definitely fake my death and turn into a magical jaguar for 11 years because my husband said "I hate children" to me in the middle of a magic show performance, instead of talking it over with him reasonably. Very realistic. 10/10

Everything you need for a good movie: 1. A creepy guy that likes to watch children suffer 2. An orphan that can't stop telling you about it 3. Exploding Wives

The lesson of this movie is: if you want kids but your spouse says no just turn into a jaguar for 11 years and they'll come around

this feels like a mythology thing "woman turns into jaguar to punish her husband that hates kids"

In regards to the bit about the Jaguar getting her tail "ever so slightly" stuck in the couch and appearing to be in agony over it - any cat owner can tell you that that's exactly what would happen. Doesn't matter that she's a majestic killing machine made of pure muscle and, I guess, magic - any cat that's lived under a domestic roof having meals freely and regularly develops the most SEVERE baby brain imaginable. This is the most believable part of the film to me.

Imagine your wife pretending to be dead because you said I hate children.

Lesson learned: Don't tell your wife you hate children or she will turn into a jaguar for 11 years

When he said “there’s a crazy twist at the end” and then “you’ll remember we haven’t seen the jaguar again yet” I legitimately thought the kid was gonna open the rocket and get mauled by it

I was legit thinking that the mysterious woman hiring the teenagers to steal was gonna be the wife the whole time

I thought when he said "I hate children", she ran away cause she was pregnant, and Max was gonna turn out to be his biological son.

audience: “this man killed his wife” zambony: “i loved my wife” audience: “ok he’s innocent” zambony: “....but i hate children” *law and order theme intensifies*

Imagine being some random guy in the audience with no clue that she went missing just thinking he made someone random woman appear

Actually at 18:03 the “nerdy girl” is actor Simon Baker who is a Native male of the Squamish & Haida nations as well as Cree! I get why you could’ve mixed him up b/c of his hair but it unfortunately happens a lot to native boys. My brother used to wear his hair in long braids as a child & would get called a girl all the time, it made him so upset he ended up cutting his hair off. Luckily, he’s older now & has regrown his hair out again, it’s such a big representation of who we are as an individual & as a culture.

Lets remember, Zamboni was arrested on suspicion of killing his wife. So Dawn Star heard him say "I hate children" for no reason in the middle of a show, turned into a jaguar for 11 years and then came back and no one questions it. She framed Zamboni for her own murder so that she could live out her fursona.

I thought he said "I eat children" Instead of "I hate children" Lets just say I was concerned.

I actually feel really bad for Zamboni. It's clear from the start that he didn't actually do anything to his wife, but he still gets dragged through hell over her disappearance. Kids messing with his property is obviously so common that he doesn't even react to finding his van torched. Then this group of kids keeps showing up and breaking into his house, basically harassing him. And to top it off, it turns out his wife turned herself into the jaguar because he said he hates kids. (And, yes. I did absolutely see that coming.) Really think about the ramifications of this. She disappeared and willingly let her husband get arrested and tried, let him take care of her like a pet living otherwise miserable and alone, and only decided to return when he had a change of heart and adopted Max, ultimately giving her what she wanted. That is so many levels of toxic and messed up. The bullies may have been the antagonists, but Dawn Star was the villain.

Wait so when she turned into a jaguar, Zamboni was like "I guess I have a jaguar now"? Like didn't question where the cat came from or whether or not he was qualified to take care of it, he was just like "hm ok".... what????

"Never been an orphan" is such a hard flex.

Zamboni: low key traumatizes children and is accused of blowing up his wife Max: You are my da~ad, you’re my dad! Boogie woogie woogie

I like that Zamboni does not even question Dawn after she turns back Like she framed him for murder and let him simmer in his trauma from literally killing the love of his life and he doesn't even flinch when she appears again Shit I guess he's just that good of a performer

the fact that the guy who plays the great zamboni had previously starred in schindlers list fills me with indescribable emotion

That awkward moment when you're a magician and your furry wife turns into a jaguar and frames you for murder for 11 1/2 years because you don't like children 😳

Max is the best part about this movie. He’s so unnecessarily depressed, like they have no reason to have him in the movie lol

i feel like zamboni getting mad that random kids keep breaking into his house is absolutely fair lmao. that felt like the most realistic part of the movie

I could not stop laughing at the fact that those bullies opened the pumpkin expecting to see a child's mutilated corpse.

Wait that isn’t normal? My grandma was a pet lizard for 40 years because her husband said he didn’t like cherry pie

"i hate children" *becomes a magician, a popular thing children are into*

This is a movie that you’d watch in 2nd grade because you payed $5 for the pizza party.

22:23 she legally became a pumpkin

Max talking about the house: “So, this could be an office...” “Or maybe a nursery.”

if this movie was a john mulaney quote: “I LOVE MY WIFE. I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE”

If I had a nickle for every time Danny made a video about a movie where a middle-aged man suffers a great loss and goes on a journey of healing that ends with him adopting an orphan I'd have two nickles... which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice

that awkward moment when you hear your husband say he doesn't like kids so you frame him for murder

6 year old kid- "I have nothing to live for." Jesus Christ. He sounds like someone in a midlife crisis. Lol

Max is like a 6 year old child, and he really talking about how he has nothing to live for. smh

Wait does nobody else have a room specifically made to hypnotize people? 😂😅

I've watched this video so many times, it's one of my favorites. But I only just now put the subtitles and realized Zamboni says "what I said that night was the cruelest thing..". I always heard "the coolest thing", like he was proud of just randomly saying "i hate children", and that was just hilarious to me. So needless to say I won't be watching this video with the subtitles on again

Danny: He’s walking with a Jaguar. He’s walking with a panther. He’s walking with a jungle cat. He’s walking with a murder animal.

just a magician whispering "i hate children" in the middle of a trick completely unprompted, you know, as one does

'Never let them know your next move' really applies to this movie

I didn’t predict it until you said “but the jaguar hasn’t come out yet” and I was like “wait… it’s gonna be the wife, isn’t it”

“I hate children” ✖️ “ *I ate children* “ ✔️

Please make a "I hate children" song with a "can't believe this nononono" chorus

If he's being blamed for potentially murdering his wife and then years later is walking around with a jaguar on a chain, I'd say he prolly did it. Lol

I honestly feel like they were going to try and turn this movie into a TV show and that's why they introduced so much weird stuff like the theme song, some villains, and the fact that the kids had a hang out spot

Bae says he hates children. [Slap him again] [DIVORCE] [Turn into a jungle cat]

"I have nothing to live for anyway" Somebody get this kid a therapist 😭

I thought for sure Dawnstar left because she was pregnant and when Zamboni said he hated children she ran because she didn't want him to know. I thought the twist was she comes back and tells Zamboni the kid he adopted was his son, she gave him up to avoid being a single mom but now they can be a happy family. Didn't anticipate "Panther!"

Bruhh i legit thought that the plot twist was that he had ACTUALLY killed his wife because she was pregnant (explains why he muttered "i hate children") and was acting weird because of all the guilt and adopted max to see how his life would've been if he would've let his child live

Who else thought that when he said "walking down the street eleven and a half years later with a jaguar", that the jaguar would be a car and not an actual jungle cat?

Next year we better see spooky grandpa on the track or I'm going to be dissapointed

The most unrealistic thing is that Zamboni just watches the kids get scared. I might just be weird, but I'd be laughing like a maniac if that happened to me.

someone give whoever performed the "spooky kind of guy" song a massive raise. shit slaps.

Can’t wait for Danny’s new song, “Can’t Believe This No No No”

sitting down and having a long talk with your husband about the possibility of having kids in the future < turning into a jaguar until he changes his mind

out of everything i'm most impressed with how he's able to separate his eyes to match the paintings

Nothing is more eclectic than Sir Ben Kingsley’s acting career. He was in “Gandhi” playing GANDHI. Schindler’s List, Robot Overlords, Night at the Museum, Moses, Species, Boxtrolls, Ender’s Game

I love how in "Monster House" the kids lose a ball or something, but in "Spooky House" the kids lose...a goat.

Me sat here like: "the fucking jaguar's gonna explode too"

Honestly, the craziest part of this movie was the magic collar at the end rewriting history and materializing stars for a new constellation.

I love Ben Kingsley so much, he has this amazing cold intensity. It’s not only amazing that they managed to get him for this movie, but also how the director managed to make him so weird he loses all his charisma. Kudos to them tbh 🤣

I feel like the kid is WAY creepier than Zamboni. Zamboni is just like "This kid keeps making all these very obvious appeals to try to live with me. Fucking weirdo is going to stab me in my sleep."

"I DIDN'T KILL MY WIFE." " *~~ooooh... I bet he DID kill his wife* "

i thought the twist would be that his pregnant wife ran away mid disappearing act, had max, died and the great zamboni was actually his dad

So how did he end up with the pet jaguar? Did he just walk out the door and the jaguar was standing by the steps and it’s like “wow, I’ve lost my wife in a tragic and inexplicable way but now I can have this sick pet jaguar that I know she’d never let me have”?

Imagine writing a female character who was so 2D she literally turns herself into a jaguar for 11 years because her husband wont have kids with her

The Great Zamboni: *Takes off mustache* Also The Great Zamboni: *Turns into Severus Snape*

13:17 Calling it now. The great zam boney is max’s dad.

in retrospect, the scene with Zamboni walking with his jaguar on a leash is much creepier.

Random charachter: Hey you wanna go to- The kid: I CAN'T I'M AN ORPHAN Holy shit that kid's depressed

Moral of the story: always have a good right cross

When Danny said he was walking a jaguar, I for some reason assumed he meant the car, so imagine my absolute surprise and delight when it was instead a big kitty cat

4:01 I get that reference Best vine ever

The kid who played Max is now an assistant professor at Princeton and I for one am very proud of him.

Danny’s set up has changed. We are now Greg again, officially.

Magician: speaks The orphan kid: I like your funny words magic man

I find it kinda funny how Ben Kingsley plays a creepy man with a black panther as a pet, then also voices Bagheera, the black panther in the junglebook live action remake

I like how he calls it a jaguar, but then thought it might be a panther, then just settled on jungle cat.

Dawn Star really stayed a panther even when her husband was put on trial for her murder

You know, I'm a sucker for found family stuff, and although this movie wasn't too great, it could have been. Great concept, poor execution. Anyone else agree?

This feels like a fan fic story of Severus Snape 😂 like I feel like Im watching a terrible remake of Harry Potter or something

Life hack: If your husband hates kids, just pretend that you’re dead and make it seem like it’s his fault until he changes his mind

"I didn't kill my wife!" "Ooh who's that fella? I bet he did kill his wife."

This is probably my most rewatched video of Danny's, but somehow I've never noticed until now how hilarious the bullies's screaming at 22:22 is.

why did i genuinely cry when he said he was adopting max as if that isn’t what the entirety of the movie is leading up to

I just want Shrek 5 already

honestly I expected the ending to be something like Dawn Star being pregnant when Zamboni said that he hates kids so she ran away and then it turns out Max was actually their biological child all along

I love how the kids keep breaking into his house but the movie makes it look like Zamboni is the bad guy. Like, um, teach kids not to break into other people's houses? No wonder he yells at you. Also, yes, it's weird he says "I hate kids" to his wife during a show, but like, he could have said a lot worse. He's allowed to hate kids. Like damn Dawn Star, he didn't cheat or murder someone or say some kind of horrendous thing; he just hates kids. People have done worse.

I think the wife told Zamboni she's pregnant, therefore the "I hate children" comment, and she got pissed and was like "I'll show him!" and decided to come back only because he stopped hating children. I know that's a stretch, but who'll stop me.

Zamboni: I hate children Dawn Star: so you have chosen ✨abandonment✨

Zamboni: I hate children. Dawn Star, getting ready to blow up and act like she don't know nobody:

I honestly suspected the jaguar was Dawnstar. I just don't know exactly WHY, but I knew it would turn out the jaguar was his wife cos, they wouldn't put that budget for a jaguar unless there was more to it.

"But things really start to pick up when someone steals their goat." -Danny 2021

Wife: *blows up* 11 years later Man: *walks around with murder animal after murdering wife*

“Is that even legal to do can you just walk a around with a jungle cat” uhh yeah probably in Florida

it’s crazy how the female bully and the great zamboni are actually successful actors

22:48 why did I giggle uncontrollably here?