“Narcissists are COMMITTED to MISUNDERSTANDING you.” You can take that to the bank.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" the non apology apology

two gaslighting phrases ive heard ... 'your over thinking things' and 'its all in your head' .... they want us to doubt ourselves .... sigh....

I always have a twisted conversation with my narc.husand.its kind of funny when I can have a normal conversations with others but not him,

I've noticed gaslighting being used when a power dynamic shift is coming in a relationship.

A great video full of examples we can recognize, 'I don't understand what the problem is' after you have explained it for 2 hours is maddening.... no more explaining no more defending no more reacting is the best way, Thanks Darren!

A gaslighters favourite word is - besides calling you crazy in various forms - "just". It's a great word to use to tone down or to hinder the gaslighted to ponder that they are actually being abused. "Im just joking.", "It's just a expression." , "It's just is what it is" and so on.

Very helpful videos. They are disgusting individuals to live with. They eat away into you in like termites. It takes time to realise what is happening.

Another way they try to frustrate you is to keep saying the same exact thing over and over and over again to prolong discussions, even though you have made it clear that you understand the point.

I was told by my ex husband, after being driven to record some conversations as I was convinced I was developing Early Onset Dementia that I had heard what he said wrong! He then elaborated by saying that as usual I let my imagination run away with me. The man was a pathological liar and during counselling a year after I walked away from my 30 year marriage and my mortgage free home I learned about Gaslighting and that I had been married to, " a classic textbook Psychopath." ( therapist's words) I Have been No Contact for almost two years now and although it's a two steps forward and one back process for me I can honestly say that being away from him and his toxic energy has been beneficial to my health, physical as well as mental.

gaslighting is quite wicked...it's psychopathic, as I see it.

so insidious

This video is excellent in describing gaslighting. Very much like the statement “I don’t understand” is “What are you talking about”. That is what I was told. He didn’t want to hear what I was saying so he was trying to make me feel crazy. I can now see what gaslighting is as it’s happening. Thank you for these videos.

Very well put. It's a long con and it can truly destroy your belief in yourself. You doubt everything in regard to your own judgement and experience. It affects your life in other areas too. And they don't stop once they start. It continues for a lifetime. You have to stop it by removing yourself from entanglement with that person or persons. It's difficult but not impossible. You will survive and maybe even thrive.

Thanks Dr Darren. I notice that sometimes Gaslight myself, after being out of serious toxic malignant narcissistic abuse I endured for over 20 years. I'm three and a half years psychopath free. But I do find myself gaslighting myself. I'm involved in a school, training in Social work, and there's a new guy that they hired. I've been noticing patterns of him w his women bash and racial slurs. But moreover, I smelled alcohol on him the other afternoon. He's responsible for driving these beautiful special needs people morning and afternoon. I told one of the superiors. And then afterwards, I immediately doubted myself. I went back to the superior and said I might have made a mistake. She's the one that had to remind me that it's ok. And because I've survived narcissistic abuse with the gaslighting, she made me realize that I know the smell of alcohol. I know what I smelled. I know I did the right thing by coming to her, as this new man they hired is responsible for driving these Special Needs people every morning to school, and every evening back to their home.. And I have to remind myself that it's okay to confront these very difficult topics that I know I experienced as a logical woman. It's such an incredible thing to find yourself gasolating yourself though. It takes quite a lot of work and daily self-discipline, along with a very good recovery team to put your mind back together.

I always feel that the term "reactive abuse" should not be labelled as abuse. Although, it is responding in kind to their abuse, you are not aware that you are being provoked with this manipulation. Awareness precedes with knowledge and personal growth. Very informative video.

Thank heavens these screwed up sick people have a label at last..I always knew their was something badly missing in their heads but couldn’t figure what it was..Thank You for your very helpful videos.

You are creating such great, balanced content, Darren, thank you! I've seen 4 or 5 channels with similar content, and I found it very difficult to learn anything from the creators there, because their energy felt off to me. Your energy is calm, friendly and wise, I'm at peace listening to you, and find it very easy to learn from you. It's like listening to a dear, more knowledgeable, understanding friend, just wonderful 👍

This is so sick but it absolutely happens. Very sad. Thank you for this informative video. Blessings. 🕊

This was excellent, thank you. My sister spent her entire life tearing our family apart. She had two daughters and they became her 'flying monkees'. She would simply wind them up and send them out to attack family members. She passed away 10 years ago at 72 and as bad as this sounds, it was a relief. When we were young (14 and 10), she had me put my finger in a light socket and I was electrocuted for about five seconds. When I reminded her about it, she denied it ever happened. And there were many more situations but it would take a small book.

👋 Thank you for sharing your knowledge and for caring about your fellow man. I appreciate your straight forward way of explaining complicated concepts. ☮️ 💕 🙏

I constantly get this behaviour. Basically multiple times history is rewritten. I questioned my own reality heavily. One night my NPD Wife completely lost her cool. I was being annoying and was upset. She stepped back and hit me in the cheek on the right. I then got shoved my another member of the family and I fell down. I got up and then was set upon my another family member. I list my coool and defended myself. In that incident I git hit on the other side of the face. I also got kicked in the ribs. I had a footmark And 2 cracked ribs. I was made to believe that it was my fault. I was not hit in both sides of my face (blood on both sides of my face) then the kicker. I had a foot mark on my chest and 2 cracked ribs and I was made to believe that I did that myself and told that the whole situation was my fault and I was in trouble.

Probably one of the most insidious things a narcissist can do, because it's so subtle and covert and hidden and camouflaged. If you try to confront them about it they just lie and deny. Like boxing with a shadow. Infuriating until you can observe it, understand it, and know about it. Then it becomes impotent.

You just described almost everyone in my inner circle. Thank you for validating that they need help & I'm not wrong or crazy. Honestly just tonight I had someone explode on me after I asked them a question & voiced my concern & struggle as a result of this person taking something w/o me knowing. I seriously thought I lost it & thought they would accuse me of losing or hiding it...before that I forgot my phone somewhere she tried hiding it so she could put me on edge & get me all worried for nothing. The other leaves the doors open at night & when I happen to spot it, he accuses me of lying & false entrapment.

I think the narcissistic person is good at this because its a defense mechanism they use if their afraid of loosing an argument, they will try to confuse,or change the subject so much none of it relates to the original discussion, when they think their losing ground,they will start doing this, then from that point their is no resolution, or even common ground because everything will change.

I’ve listened to many descriptions of gaslighting, and this makes the most sense. I appreciate that he says that people can gaslight and not be narcissistic. I am married to a liar, who has deceived me in small and large things for many years. Thru therapy he has worked hard to overcome this pattern. Sadly, I just learned of a new level of secrets and deceit that has been occurring for years. When I look up gaslighting and lying, it almost always coincides with narcissism. But my husband has a very strong conscience with most things, but he turns into a monster when he’s caught in a lie, and I have definitely experienced gaslighting for years.

This guy has made me see that what I thought were a couple good relationships were actually me being very good at avoiding narcissistic rage.

My narc made me think the kitchen was always messy when in fact it looked like a model home. He even took photos of the pots I didn't clean properly to "prove to me" that I wasn't doing a good enough job. To this day I'm not sure what happened. I felt gaslit.

Other sayings :"What have you done to yourself" or " You know sometimes in the workplace things happen" or " are you sure she wasn't just helping". " I thought we were friends" etc.

Amazing video! Thank you for all your work! Please make a video on how we can best respond to this behavior in an empowered way. That would really make my life a lot easier ❤

The word salad, sometimes I would just say "wait what" and start laughing. The narcissistic jokes to hurt you and insult you, then they say, "I was only joking, you're being to sensitive". Or sometimes after abusing you saying it wasn't really that bad and you're exaggerating. Or saying something you did really pissed them off, like when the take out didn't give me the soup I ordered and paid for and I wanted to go back for it. That I pissed him off...I couldn't make any sense out of that. So many of this type of things....

Thank you for the information and explanation.

'I dont understand' is a good one. My friend in college could never seem to understand her basically cheating on her boyfriend, she could ALWAYS understand how he couldnt do the same actions to her tho. Then when i say, your doing the sams exact thing to him though - silence... conveniently.

It feels like having to explain how the world functions to a child. With an adult there’s disbelief that he/she can actually not understand basic functioning of communication and social behaviour. At some point it becomes “compulsive explaining” until you’re worn out and realise that their lack of understanding was just a ruse, it was an act to undermine and exhaust you until you give up - and they have won. Like the child who manages to get the chocolate bar at the cashier’s after all. It’s frustrating to feel like you have to explain core values like honesty and decency. It gets particularly weird when that someone is an adult and a parent or your husband/partner. Suddenly you feel as if you had to explain love to a robot 👽.

"Some people are just desperate for attention." As Eckhart Tolle put it: "Please tell me that I exist."

This is such a good description of gaslighting. I've seen more narcissism videos than is good for me but this imo nails it. Nice one, thank you😊

You reminded me of a lot of people-personally and professionally-and confirmed what I had concluded. As always, thank you.

Thank you for a very helpful video. Your thoughts and descriptions about gaslighting are spot on.

Another gaslightning phrase although its not always abusive when someone says it: "You dont understand". Just a simple non context "You dont understand".

Hello Darren how are you? It's been absolutely roasting weather recently 🔥I hope you're keeping well and enjoying the sun ☀️ Thanks for the video and best wishes 💖

This video is a year old, so I don’t know if you will see it. My experience with gaslighting recently not even mentioning with my ex-husband did to me is that I have long Covid in which the main symptom is severe fatigue. There are people who when I mentioned something about my illness, respond by saying well, everyone has something wrong with them. It completely dismisses my experience. And others who see me walk up some stairs and tell me “see, you’re not sick.”

yes my husband was jealous i got an inheritance. treated me really weird and made sure i paid for a new roof on house he refused to pay for it.. his parents did not leave him what he thought he would get..i had three part time jobs and he told people i didn;t work i worked for him 25 years packing products and sending on courier til all hours of the night and weekends.

My neighbors are literal professional gaslighters and criminals. Their official job titles would lead you to believe they are the best, most honorable, beautiful, desirous people in the country.

Boarderlines do most of the same behaviors as narcissists, but Boarderlines can have empathy

Darren, great clarity here. Thanks. Why do some people attract this sort of abuse over and over? What can be done to get them out of it?

what i really meant is its gonna rain LMAO

Very good one

This is very good video that's for

God bless You. Amen

Very good

My wife does this on the daily 😢😢😢…it’s very frustrating and causes a lot of problems to n my marriage and this has been going on for almost 18 years 🤦🏾‍♂️

I'd love you to cover cognitive dissonance from the point of view of person who eats meat eater who has pets. I need to understand them better.

Can you start a sleep channel? Your voice is so relaxing i could listen to you read a recipe book

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ A dear friend of mine is having marital problems. SHE said he's Delusional. HE said he's right and she's gaslighting. How can I get a sense of what's really going on please? They are headed for divorce!

How can you tell when someone has selective memory or if they are gaslighting when you hold them to account but they say they don’t remember.

Gaslighting is quite popular in motorsports. It does have a practical purpose but must be used with great discretion or risk being called out yourself. For instance, ive seen people lie about the engine swaps and builds to less-than-knowledgable people for the purpose of setting up an easy win at the races. Other times people will gaslight to avoid bringing too much attention about what they own, their wealth, etc, as the car world is full of people with bad intentions. Also gaslighting is used in racing to deceive officials about illegal car modifications. The world of cars is quite strange and yes gaslighting and narcissism plays a huge role in it all. The Missouri state driver's manual once had a section about street racing, going as far to say people started arguing over who has the faster car once the world's second car rolled off the assembly line.

Maybe tomorrow maybe they'll be a Cameron who doesn't guess like me and deny my reality tomorrow maybe they'll be a Good Samaritan tomorrow

I have a question, regarding gaslighting lies, that I have never seen raised before and would love an answer to. My wife of fourty years is a super-gas lighter from a family of supreme gas lighters. I don't know if there is a specific term for it but I call it the "quadruple lie," and it goes like this. :Person A tells person B a lie regarding (for example) an event. :Person B was at the event and knows it's a lie. :Person A knows that person B was at the event, and also knows, as absolute fact, that person B is aware they are being lied to. :Person B knows that person A knows that person B knows it's a lie. In other words everybody knows that everybody else is lying and they're all O.K. with that. What can they all possibly get from that--it must be exhausting!

♥️

Do you have felt like, such as,make us telling the truth to each and every one, even strangers.? And make us great liars and treat as a criminal ?.

The movie, is it the screaming skull?

6:07 Darren, there's no link to that video in the description. I found it anyway, so thank you for mentioning it, but just in case you'd still like to link it, I thought I'd drop you a message.

Not sure if that was planned, but the background looks like from set of Gaslight.

Where is all of this from? What are the origins of ? Who...?

Disappointed in your comment regarding free speech being cut off for some folks. It truly has been , regarding the pandemic; calling the info from esteemed virologists and other doctors false info & blocking it. Now, this info is being revealed as fact, facts that many people could have benefitted from had it not been blocked.

Christ salvation to follow divine authority, substantive choice republic no to political government