The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please feel free to suggest mental health related topics for me to cover in future videos.

oh wow... "narcissists destroy things from the inside, and when they can no longer do that, they will try to destroy from the outside." That hit home for me...

Great advice Darren. They are just the way they are. Narcissists are full of envy and hate for others but put their blame on to you. Dealing with a covert narcissist for 23 years...Just horrible people to have around....😖😫😩😣😔😞

Another way of saying this is one I heard a long time ago: "success is the best revenge". It's true and BOY do they HATE it when you move on and become happy again. THAT is how you win.

The best revenge is a life well lived!Thank you for the reality check!

Needed to hear this..... "Recovery is a journey"....thanks again

"Living well is the best revenge." --George Herbert, 16th century A benefit of using art in recovery is that, for a moment, the audience feels your emotions too.

Was never physically abuse but the emotional beatings felt. equally devestating

I lost everything. Friends, health, money from my monster. I was disabled and it was like the movie "Misery" without the physical abuse. He did leave obstacles and traps for me to hurt myself. He moved us far from old home so I am all alone and in my sixties. I don't know how I keep going but I am thriving. My pets are my comfort. Got him out of house 3 years ago after getting recordings of him and threatening to expose him to the world. He would kill me if he could. Almost 30 years of my life gone. I live in poverty and but I have the house I paid for but he wants that. He has a good lawyer and everyone believes him because he is so nice. I am just a loon.

You are right! What hurts most of all is the feeling of injustice.

This video is spot on. Sadly I'm not there yet and the injustice and waste of 24 years is eating me up.

There is no justice. We just have to deal with that.

you have explained so perfectly the issues of living with and having to survive these narcissistic people.... my life was almost destroyed by a mother and two ex-husbands .... not just mean spirited but abusive...emotional and physical...I am 70 years old now and have had to cut off family / friends who were and are enablers/flying monkeys....IT IS WORTH IT. This is the first and only time I have had Peace and feel Joy....Keep exposing the criminal behavior...yes I said criminal because anyone who abuses any thing and any one is behaving like a criminal. Good On You Darren F Magee, I post your videos on my facebook and pray they reach and help others.

Thank you for the video is very helpful. My ex was a covert narcissist, I was very lucky 🍀 he showed his true nature in front of the judge and both attorneys apparently, I was in a separate building (restraining orders against him) maintaining my happy place, after the mediation/divorce was granted the judge asked if he could talk with me, he said I was lucky to be divorced from it he was very kind. I have stayed no contact. These personalities are very dangerous add alcohol or anything else they’re behaviors escalate and they don’t change they enjoy torturing others.

Our new families do not understand what we went through 😪 i have been told to " stop playing the victim" 💔

I’m really finding your videos informative and comforting in between my therapy. One thing I still struggle with on a daily basis is the ruminating. My brain just does it. I wake up & usually I’m ruminating on how my mum or brother has treated me, wanting that justice then getting in a rage which takes a lot of mental effort usually over the course of the day to calm down & push it away. A video on how to stop the ruminating would be so useful. Just saying “stop” is not enough. Thank You 🙏

Best advice I was ever given was.... The best revenge on a person that has wronged you is to get your life together and be happy. Nothing ruins their day more than to see you not just surviving but thriving.

Unfortunately, I got stuck in that mindset of how unfair things were with my spouse, then I realized that no amount of money, materials, etc, could substitute my happiness. I lived in a state of positivity and progress. Thanks for the advice, sir!

This was a powerful video. I cant express how much videos like this give me some sort of hope and validation. Im currently being alienated from my kids. Found my Covert NPD having a affair. I got kick out of my home. I spent 5 years building her, her dream home, I only lived in it for a year. Theres alot to my story but it sounds made up. All thats missing from my story is dragons. However the movie “Gone Girl” with Ben Afflict suddenly doesn’t look so far fetched.

Self validation, self compassion are needed. The narcissist has no awareness or self reflection, so you are hoping for something you will never get! Only further abuse, manipulation, defense mechanisms, conflict, gaslighting, blame shifting, guilt tripping ... and so on and so forth - ad nauseam ...Disengage and no contact.

Yup, I can strongly relate to the frustration with the recovery process.

I wish someone had sat me down and explained this to me when I was 18, but I don't know how long it would have taken for me to really understand and move on.

I told my therapist I would've rather been punched in the face then to have gone through the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse I experienced with the narcissist. My life is in shambles and I can't seem to find a stable footing back to myself anymore. I'm hollowed and its painful. I believe they make us feel how they feel everyday of their life. I would've rather be off this planet then to live that way again.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH SHARING I JUS STARTED LISTENING TO UR VIDEOS. I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH AN OVERT NARCISSTIS FOR OVER 8 YEARS. HE ABUSED ME SO HORRIBLY.. I STRUGGLE WITH DISCONNECTING GOING NO CONTACT NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IS VERY CRUEL..

Wow. Thank You. You have articulated this so well. And yes, there is NO Justice. My ex had convinced me - almost - that it was all me, until he was diagnosed also with Personality Disorder while we were in marital counseling. I continued to feel such shame because I couldn't stay, I couldn't cope. When I remind myself how far I have come and how much 'life' and sanity I have had after leaving him, I have come to accept that this is 'my justice' regardless of family & friends. Most especially, I am grateful that I have had such wonderful 'living' with re: to my children. I have continued in ways I could not have otherwise imagined enjoying a fuller, richer (not materially) life. Tradeoffs abound , sometimes forcing our reassessing what is truly important in how we live our lives. Each of us has value ! Namaste

Great video as always. I appreciate your tone of voice, it’s soothing. Keep those videos coming! Can you do a video on addict/alcoholic personality, and how it’s related to narcissism?

I just came out of a conflict with someone like this. What really helps me right now is writing. Analyzing the past; making sure I have the facts right (I kept all texts and E-mails), seeing that I have been gaslighted and manipulated, that there really is no reason to warn other people for me or even talk negatively about me. From there, sorting through my emotions, seeing how they had come into my life and whether they actually related to the facts. I'm being brutally honest with myself and see the mistakes I made, which teaches me how I can prevent the same from happening in the future. Always remembering that life isn't fair and I shouldn't expect it to be. Fortunately I had learned this earlier in life and that really helps. This writing in turn has given me a lot of insight and confidence, and has helped me to explain to some of my friends and family what has been going on from my perspective. I first practiced on paper what I was going to tell people, as the conflict was pretty complex and the other person had of course pulled in way more people than necessary, and told them lies. The writing has been a very healing process so far, it is actually making me stronger than I have ever been. I am pretty sure I will not fall for this crap again. And I love the metaphor of "drinking poison in the hope it affects the other". That can trap you, and lower your standards and perspective to a level that was never yours. I think the writing really helped me to avoid this.

Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear! Am trying hard to make peace with the damages done over several decades without becoming vindictive 😔😓

The kids stayed with me when she left. They are a great support and they are doing well. I´m sorry I even met her. Feels like 20 years wasted, career, social life and health ruined. But if I never met her.. The kids wouldn`t be here. Sad story but on a steady course back now. The grey rock strategy helped. Thank`s for your advise Darren. Nice to hear the Belfast accent again. Regards from Sweden.

I try to forget the bad eventually, and only remember what I once loved, but it has come to a point that I am easily triggered. It must be that we lose the stamina to gloss over things as we get older.

True Still looking for justice

I've beat myself up enough and now the Lord is allowing me and my babies to heal.

To want to take revenge on a narcissist is 'like drinking poison, hoping, the oher person gets sick'. Yes! Or maybe like inhaling the poisoned air a narcissist has left behind and not being capable of leaving the endangered area or using a gas mask. Fantasizing and laughing out loud about the SWAT-team-coming-in situation already helps a lot, anyway :) ! Thank you, Darren!

Closure is bad. Finality is good. You can't get closure from having someone betray your trust, but we can learn from it. I hate when I hear "don't personalize the abuse", but it is good advice. Of course this is just my humble opinion, and I hope more people can learn about narcissistic abuse before it happens to them or someone they care about. This topic should be taught in elementary school. Thanks for making this video.

It has taken me fifteen years to feel somewhat healed from an abusive narcissistic relationship. You need to admit to yourself that you were part of the problem because you didn’t stand up for yourself. At first it’s very confusing and you can’t understand what’s going on. Identify that they are the one with the problem. There is no fairness in that kind situation. Find comfort in the fact that you tried to be a good person in spite of being abused. Learn from you experience and try not to make the same mistakes. Don’t look for fairness. Move on.

This is sooo on point! Even for us, who suffered from parental narcissism and/or in our professional lives. Narcs cannot escape themselves, b/c they lack self-reflection in regards to (empathy) towards others.

This coming to terms with the situation is something I believe Dr. Ramani refers to as 'radical acceptance'. And has been in retrospect the most healing part of the process. Cutting losses brought many good things, also challenges, problems and difficulties. Even with downsides, all I wish is for it to have happened sooner... Rebuilding is a long process, but now it's so much easier.

Shortly after I became aware that someone I love is a narcissist, I realized I wanted justice. I didn't want vengeance, but justice seemed reasonable to me! Then I began thinking of some of the things I have done. Since I wanted justice, maybe others would want justice concerning something I've done.

This video hit me very deep. I feel like for the first time someone really understands my sense of justice and anger. Thank you very much.

I think this is a topic of profound importance for many people, and one I haven't often seen put quite so concisely. I think understanding patterns of behaviour is necessary, but not sufficient. Asserting boundaries and removing poisonous abusers from one's life is also necessary, but still not sufficient. I think sufficiency also requires calming the nervous system that is still left on edge - especially when abuse was a pervasive experience throughout childhood - and always looking out for the same kinds of threats. The instinct for justice seems to me to be connected to a need for assurance for the limbic system that it can finally stand down.

This should be taught in middle school instead of math. This is higher education Thank you Darren

the rumination is the worst.. sometimes its also like an obsession! I can hear their voice arguing with me even if they are no where near me!

I believe the biggest hurdle to overcome is finding sense of self, and believing in your own perception of reality again. I honestly didn't know what to believe about myself, about him, about my family, my children, the world around me. . . Nothing. I lost my entire compass. He could have convinced me the sky was red, and I would have believed him and believed I was loosing my mind. (Which was his goal).

I can relate to the need for justice and how consuming and unfulfilling it can be. But leave that to the Creator and concentrate on healing and moving forward. It may take a lot of time and hard work, but it will be worth it. Thirty years on from when a lecturer at university - who appears to fit the description of a malignant narcissist - misused his position of trust and apparent power to abuse me psychologically and emotionally I have a very good life today and I have been happily married for a number of years. Indeed, I enjoy life to a greater degree than might have been the case if I hadn't been put through this utter nightmare, because I was literally fighting for survival against this evil and deeply troubled man who used his brilliant mind for harm, and even little things in life are precious as a result. Sure there are scars, losses, especially time you can never have back, but you can use, with supportive help, what you have been through for good not just in your own life but to help others. The best revenge truly is a life well lived.

Great video Darren, Thank you! 😀 So true, it is better to be busy living your best life by leaving them behind than being busy suffering in theirs.

Ty for video series. Revenge I never want for my former spouse. Instead through the grace of God, I pray for him and pray for the will of God to be done in him whatever that may be.

I think beyond a point we must acknowledge the loss we have suffered and move on. Recall the time before them when you were independent, self-driven, and happy. You can do that all over again.

I've never felt like getting revenge that in itself is destructive I've excepted her for what she is npd is her cross to bare not mine it's past and I'm not looking back in anger, lesson learnt life goes on

Only judgment day will have some sort of justice for the wicked, unless there’s a true change of heart and repentance.

I have only recently been able to see my family for the cult they've become. I was the chosen one. Molested by my oldest brother and since have been punished by my mother, the matriarc. My other 2 brothers have turned a blind eye to her and her terrible behaviors. My mother plays victim all the time and runs to her golden boys for safety. My co-dependant father has never been happy. Always mistreated.

I can recover emotionally, but why should I accept to end up in defeat when it comes to huge financial losses? Taking the narcs to court, hoping to get justice is an extension of the dysfunctional relationship, that carries with it the risk of additional trauma and financial losses, both from legal expenses and the potential injustice, if the judge happens to be manipulated, or to be narc, himself or herself. No! Living a good life after the trauma and financial losses is not justice. That inner part that was taken away from us through victimhood can only be recovered when the outer losses are recovered.

You are a blessing at a time when I needed your words the most. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this

this is what I needed to hear 6:23 I'm free for a year now, healing and thriving but sometimes I got to ruminate on how I'd be when I'm finally became one with the narcissist and flying monkeys at the campus, yes they won't change and only change their victim, I let go the needs of karma I just believe God have some things for me and will always protect me, I became best friends with his previous victim even, we support and help heal each other, I wish us well and the abuser to be put to justice

Your videos touch the reality of where I'm at in my marriage. I feel duped. I feel 😪. I am extremely exhausted .

Vengeance is Gods! Justice will be meted out! My narc mother will reap what she sown.

Sir Darren Magee, very good guidance and seasoned advice. Thank you always for saving generations. Bless You Sir

Luxembourg. Unfortunately, there is so much domestic violence/murders, spousal abuse here - German roots 0 that according to the new divorce law, the courts refuse to hear any such related crime. The divorce procedure is all about money, who gets what. Heartless, hurting me big time... all his arrest, jailing for domestic violence, my repeated police protection on two continents, his theft of my life's savings.... nothing counts in court. It is like the court needs a murder to open its eyes to domestic violence. I count on the Divine's Supreme Court...

The ultimate 'revenge' cure is your happiness, that minimises them to a meaningless nothing. Do everything you can to be happy and fulfilled.

Sometimes I am angry of my self, for not listening the advice before I got married.

Thanks. Useful video. Keep them coming, please. They shed a lot of light.

I find the words for the more lasting peaceful state of mind to be acquired in the long run at the end of this presentation very reassuring. Patience (with oneself) is indeed a virtue, and a salvation, if practiced diligently.

Thankyou for all your insight and wisdom 🙏

By the time I left my ex, I'd lost my career, most of my possessions and I had no money. I had so much on him that I could have destroyed him but I knew that to maintain the level of anger that I needed to fuel a revenge campaign, I'd have to keep reminding myself of everything that he'd done and said and reliving the hurt and by doing that, he would still be controlling my life without lifting a finger. I sat down and spoke out loud to myself, the Gods, the universe .... I don't really know - just the "great beyond" and said that I was walking away from this and not looking back and that I wasn't going to take revenge but that I was handing it over to whatever/whoever was out there to do with as they saw fit. You have to rebuild your life from the ground up after life with a narcissist and it's no use trying to lay new floor boards on rotting joists - burn it all and start new.

God, I wish I would have seen this video 14 years ago. The pain and anger. Disbelief. Just wanting justice. Just wishing everyone could watch all the abuse on a movie screen. Just wanting people to SEE THE TRUTH!!

Yup, if you go seeking revenge, dig two graves.

This was fantastic, thank you so much! I have been going through a time of feeling exhausted with the narcs in my life, verging on depression. But you've really succinctly spelled out the truth here. I need to listen to this until I nearly know the whole thing by heart I think. Only found your videos a few days ago, but have been binge watching, drinking up your wisdom and your beautiful accent. All the best from Australia 🇦🇺

Good video. This is exactly how I felt. I finally was able to release the need for justice. One topic one may consider is how these people end up in life? Does a narcissistic sociopath eventually attracts a person into their lives that is their downfall?

I didn't want justice... I was so blind I really thought I had to provide my mother with everything and fix all her problems before I earned my freedom..

Thank you for a great video. The best revenge is to heal and start living a good and meaningful happy life and become indifferent to the narcisists. Leaving them behind is the best thing we can do for ourselves!

I like your videos, you're experienced, you are able to name the problems clearly and your way.

Hi my name is Patricia and I was in a toxic abusive narcissistic relationship for 30 years …I am now going on three years Out of that toxic relationship, And the one thing I learned to say to myself it not my fault !…. no matter what I would’ve did no matter how much I would’ve tried the narcissist would always find fault it would never be good enough that was a tactic that he used to keep me under his control…. So whoever’s reading this first thing you need to tell yourself it’s not your fault nothing you’ve could’ve done or said could’ve made a Difference or change them I pray for every survivor to find peace within them self 🙏

Thanks for the videos, they've been really helpful dealing with a friend. He makes bad decisions but blames others.

I have a daughter who has destroyed me for the last time because now I understand exactly what I’m dealing with. Thank you.

Thank you so much for posting your videos.

Thank you.

True. If I just let GO, it's not as though my parents will ever acknowledge they projected on to me and stonewalled me. They will think, she is less crazy now. "She" is acting less crazy now. So to let go would feel like rewarding them. The *only* power i have is to not let go.

Wise words, great vid, thank you 👍👍👍

You're a good man! Thank you!

I'm binge-watching your videos now; I wish I'd found you earlier. I heard an astrologer here on youtube actually saying something about narcissistic abuse and the hurt and the question about the narc getting their karma: she said: "narcissism is their karma". That doesn't undo the destruction they caused but it helps seeing them for the sick individual they are.

Thank you sir

Right on spot. Thanks for posting such enlightening videos..

Thank you

Yet again everything in this video is spot on Darren. I have to work harder to "shake that narc" right out of my hair". Thank you for your down to earth presentation!

Justice. Saying that and speaking the truth that goes with it. Like it IS. Thank you.

Thank you!!! Aman

Well said

Your videos are really 👍 Bang on Thanks

Finally understanding that he was incapable of changing, and therefore probably would never be redeemed, was the hardest thing for me. I didn't want to know him anymore, but I hated the idea he would never change.

Darren your not the first I watched on this subject but your very explanatory thanks 🙏👍

I am 74 years old, my narcissist brother is 76 years old. 40 years ago I walked away and it was really difficult as I had to leave my family also, they contributed to his craziness. I tell you this because 3 weeks ago he began reaching out to our cousins to try to find me, they know the situation and protect me by withholding my contact information and have done so for 40 years. I decided the time was right for me and so I got hold of his email address and emailed him. I did not explain what his torture had done to me. I simply stated his behavior for the 21 years that we lived in our family home and I happen to know that he treated his wife and two children brutally and they left him.

Thanks for this incredible informative video, could confront to me and others who are watching you.God bless you, your channel and family members.

Thank u sir guide me.takecare sir.

I’ve been raised by highly narcissistic parents - my mother is a piece of work, has inflicted tremendous emotional damage to many family members - and I was also in a long term relationship with a very narcissistic individual. They can certainly make you feel like you’re going insane. What worked for me was reaching out to the solicitors to instate boundaries around my kids; family counselling- to understand toxic family dynamics; practicing mindfulness; and most importantly, knowing very clearly what I want and do not want. Being able to introduce boundaries and sticking to them is amazing, and gave me a sense of freedom. Being able to say NO, not just to them, but to other people who are trying to impose their own will onto you. That was what saved my sanity

Many times in life WHY is the not the solution, people get together in abusive relationships for many reasons. I was 41 and wanted a family and children , I knew it was a strange relationship from day one but I wanted my 3 kids , DONT blame yourself perhaps at that moment IT WAS THE BEST DECISION. LIFE IS A TRADEOFF , you got something from your old relationship and now it is time to GO somewhere else with a stronger SELF.

Hey dude. I think the person I live with might be a bit narcissistic. Your videos have been helping me deal with them and enjoy my life at home more. Also, loved the "they're like Wiley Coyote. They're just ridiculous" comment. That was so funny. Really made me laugh. Thanks for what you do! Keep up the good work!

The energy we give this is wasted use it to believe in yourself you weren't in the wrong. I am just believing this now after a year away you realise you were so strong all along it takes strength to keep going every day in these relationships to keep your head up and forge on. Not always easy but you do have the strength I needed to keep going for children's sake but I'm getting there. Just have to find myself after all these years of being something for someone else. Be brave be strong just as you always have been just in a different way, for yourself!

I just discovered these videos. So amazing! It would be nice to have some additional info for recovering from a narcissistic parent. My father is a pathological narcissist. I only cut him off a year ago. But still a lot of ruminating. I am in therapy but getting some help on recovery would be greatly appreciated!

Wanting Justice. oh that’s it.

Brilliant