it is a sick and spirit crushing script they play out on us. and rub in our faces in public. just to enrage us.

Totally understand your comment

I live this nearly everyday and especially on sundays with my daughters narc mom, she can literally turn our home into a house of horrors at the drop of a dime. It's exhausting because you never really know where its gonna come from and then boom it just happens and now no one can pleasantly enjoy their day, everyone has to feel as shitty as the narc, children too. She says that our daughter and i always seperate from her which is completely false, we actually yearn for a connection with her but its hard when this person doesn't actually want to be connected with. She wants to be praised and put on this pedestal and that i just can no longer do. Crazy how these people want you to endlessly pour in to them while they just take take take.

With narcissists, you need to document conversations for your own sanity!

This is why one should never attempt to remove the mask of a narcissist. The narcissist lives in a false reality which is created and based up their own lies. What one sees in public is very different from that when the narcissist is within their home / family environment.... One must always remember that as the EGO gets higher and higher over time, subconsciously the narcissist's ability to tolerate shame becomes lower and lower. As a result everything that the narcissist hears is filtered by their huge egos and their extremely low ability to tolerate shame.... Malignant narcissists take this to another level, as their narcissism borderlines that of psychopathy. Malignant narcissism occurs when a an extreme narcissist has be mental / emotionally abuse by people such as a sociopath. This then causes the brain to go into overdrive and boosts the ego into what Freud referred to as the superego. In other words, what you end up getting is a "super narcissist." At this level, the malignant narcissist cannot be even reasoned with which is Erich Fromm in 1964 referred the malignant narcissist as the quintessence of evil.....

good for you, Jeffrey, that you got out when you could. 🙂

If I could rephrase that in my own way, they want to feel in control, but their anger controls them, so they must blame someone else for their anger. Their goal is to intimidate their victim into taking the responsibility. “I would be perfectly happy if it weren’t for you” (they think). Yeah, right.

Yep

The total tonnage of battles that raged behind closed doors, i grew up in the early 60s with 7 others who dont know one another due to moms conquer and divide tactics, then isolate and manipulate, a real first class twisted individual, some fell prey to her some did not, when your 5 years old and know your mother? Is insane but fight back, your punishment is harder, and on the constant. my father was not really there to protect his children, only ward her off focus only to take battle to him, and that's where the quarrels are joined 2 street fighters going for the one upper, screaming at the tops looking past and through one another, and not hearing a dam thing, this went in until his death, he never had the balls to just leave, i told him so too. The part about growing up in a house full of people and all alone is the same here, an empty space that borderliners' parents create in their children its there, still there, even in personal relationships, feel alone. That's partly from growing up with a household of people made to not connect with each other like some form of re-education camp in a post or present war because a war is what it was. i have contact with my only two of my sisters there safe to talk to, the brothers i have moved away from totaly , ill carry them as MIA.

I have stopped talking to my mom dozens of times, according to her. She would pick a fight at one of our weekly family dinners. Then I "stopped talking to her." Usually I found out that I wasn't talking to her at our next weekly dinner. I would get a huge hug and "I feel like I've got my daughter back!" I wasn't aware I'd been taken away. After my dad died (he abused her and everybody else, she abused everybody else) she got extremely weird and manipulative. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't take money I desperately needed. Possibly because every time I tried to accept the offer, she would yank it back and make it contingent on letting her yell at me "because things have changed" or whatever excuse she could give. No, because the last time I agreed to "talk," I hung up after ten minutes of screaming. I cut contact back and back and back until it was heavily fire-walled texts, and not many of them. At this point, I just delete the text. My poor brother was the scapegoat, and he’s so conflict averse when it comes to the family he's darned near allergic. Before I cut her off completely, we talked briefly about refusing to see my mother or talk by phone. He made what for him was a massively valiant try at peace-making. In reference to something my mother and I were arranging. "She needs to use the phone because it's hard to arrange things by text." "I started this conversation by email. We're not texting about it." On to other matters. It would be interesting to know what it feels like now that I really _have_ stopped talking to her.

Get away from those "That's your mom!" people.

“Don’t burn yourself to keep others warm”.

Wow!😬

Yeah . been there.

😂 👍

Exactly!!! Can’t tell you how many times I heard that from my own mother when I was an adolescent. One of the most confusing things my mother ever asked (while beating me) was “Why do you make me do this to you?” I responded, “That’s a great question mother, and one of these days, after I get some much needed therapy -I’m going to come back here and let you know what the experts have to say.” I left at 18, got into therapy for several years and was able to redevelop my own sense of self worth.

SO SICK OF THAT as an excuse for her behavior. Idc. You don’t get to be a pos because ‘you’re his mother’. That makes her behavior even more egregious. So disgusting.

Definitely! What do you do if you get stuck with a Supervisor or Boss that’s a malignant narcissist?

Neighbours, landlords or real estate agents. Unfortunately you have to deal with these lowlifes

Same. Never seen anything like it. Survived 38 years on this planet and never came across anyone like this. And then somehow married one. God hates me.... 😂

Mine took any love and understanding as weakness to exploit. The most foolish thing I did was thinking that loving and being understanding towards them could convince them to change. I had to leave them alone to feel their own emotions and they responded by finding another victim to use and blame. I got free though and that was the best thing I ever did for myself.

You know how people say, "I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole"? I can't love her, but I know her history and I do understand. I do it from an hour's drive away, no contact.

Excellent advice.

That is so TRUE. BOUNDARIES

I have a brother who can't escape, i can't talk to him about how she's manipulated him his whole life for her supply. 4 sisters 3 brothers, and we all have been manipulated in a different way, some it worked on, others like my sister and myself it didn't, we became the black sheep. I left home at 13, joined the army at 18, and stayed 24 years. She is still alive with the left hand on the playbook 93 years old, the sickness is in the marrow, and they die this way. They go back down the rabbit hole same.way, and they come out. twisted.

Yep...they sure are.....

This is completely relevant to the video topic. It's part and parcel

Workplaces are full of them.

100%! I learned this lesson the hard way.

I'm in New York. (Or actually, in Chiang Mai, now.) But this is why I will only work remotely from now on. I worked in an environment so toxic that it made me sick. Working as a technical writer for a research foundation, but embedded/stationed inside NYS government, in Albany, NY. Let me give you an idea of the culture there: I was on the job just 24 hours when the guy who hired me, and who was to have been my supervisor, was arrested -- for sexually assaulting a member of the small, five-person team I had just been hired onto, in a hotel room. (The first three days of my employment started with a road trip to Syracuse with these people...ALL of whom displayed questionable behavior...) Turned out, all of this was just par for the course, and was generally indicative of the calibre of people working there. A year later, someone was hired to replace the arrested man. This new guy, then, became my supervisor and, even though my work was entirely unique, entirely separate from the rest of the contractors embedded there, and was uniquely difficult...the new supervisor moved in and, recognizing the importance of my project, immediately began isolating and marginalizing me, and day in, day out, he made sure that my name appeared nowhere in connection with my work, while his own name was all over it.

It’s basically cowardice.

Feel ya Pal. No doubt there are moments where it just hits. Sitting st me desk once and it felt as if she just died. You are not alone. Hope you are doing ok My mother was brutally malevolent. Even ascan infant. I heard Ive almost died. Been NC, reconnected and it reaffirmed NC is essential. Ruined my daughter, grandkids, and I was treated wickedly. no remorse. Evil demonic possession.

A former cousin and my grandfather are both manipulative, sneaky, calculating, petty, and deceptive people. As long as you adapt to and go along with their nonsense, they're good with you. The minute you balk or hold them accountable, out comes the claws. I've worked too hard, come too far in building a life for myself, and then lower myself by trying to fit in to their lowlife agenda. Both of them are delusional. It's all about power and control with those two. Everything is a game to them. I disarmed the ex cousin by going no contact, and the grandfather by gray rocking.

Yep

Good for you, for leaving. Above all, this: To thine own self be true. Semper Fi.

Narcissists breed narcissists. Good job for jettin.

I had an N-mom with alcohol addiction, and now I have a N-husband who needs to tranquillize himself at night. He is a good guy most of the time, but sometimes it’s like a switch gets flipped. Had I hot grown up in a dysfunctional household, I would have known that his “quirks” really are not okay. Our youger daughter jusy graduated college and she is moving in with her older sister. Not that I can possibly blame them! Now I have to decide how to navigate my own little boat through these shoals.

😢😢😢😭😭

Yes you did

Covert narcissists are the worst ❤️‍🩹 my mother was such a horror

I started to investigate psychology when I realised I was dealing with a particular abusive person in my life. The most fascinating fact I learned was that all abusers are represented on the Dark Tetrad. They follow the same handbook and repeat the same behaviours/excuses/shaming and blaming.

Any slight real or imagined will be obsessed over until it festers, the narcissist will become obsessed with revenge and lash out smearing you for the rest of their life. The have nothing outside of their imagined grievances, they milk that sob story to manipulate and con their next victim

The first time I heard someone voice they held a grudge against me for playing a harmless prank (and I mean harmless) at a post-secondary party (25 yrs earlier) I experienced the deer-in-headlights expression myself. Followed by horror. Because I *knew* (at that point) what it meant. The subsequent violence and malice was worse than anything I could have prepared for. I knew this person for nearly 30 yrs. I trusted them implicitly. I still can't believe I didn't see it in all that time. 😕

So delusional

@@__-tz6xx Good afternoon, You know nothing, 😃✌Haters gonna hate 😃✌ I'll keep shining light, Speaking truth and smiling, 😃✌ Have a pleasant day, Peace, love and respect to you 😃✌🌌🌈🎆🎆🎆💜💚💗💙💛❤💜😃

Can there be a response to this^ please?

then the N used it as evidence against me. ( reactive abuse ). and my being "baited" into bad behavior. sacrificing my dignity and principles. it felt disgusting. their game is to WIN AT ALL COSTS. I ran and found my dignity again. and never returned. it is a very SICK SOUL the N.

Never. Keep away from them.

It’s called reactive abuse. I’m definitely guilty of this many times. I still struggle with it. Don’t feel bad about defending yourself but find a healthier way to deal with these demon seeds like removing them from your life.

In my mind fighting for the truth is always justified. But, as I found out from my own experience, malignant narcissists (and mine was actually a dark triad, honestly) always have a plan and they have several options of approach and several options of escape, and many details of their plans. My ex actually wrote all of her details in 3 notebooks. She had three tiers to her plan. The first was to groom me and manipulate me into having rough sex. (I hated the idea, I don't believe that type of behavior is of love.) She would instigate an intimate encounter with me and get me to leave a mark on her body that would incriminate me if she said I caused the mark while sexually assaulting her. The next tier was long term. Once she had me jailed she would keep me there indefinitely as she would create evidence of other assaults against me and leak them to a few people who would stir up interest and they would investigate and find more evidence. The third tier was for my demise after she let me out of prison. I mentioned that she wrote this plan in 3 notebooks. I found them while I was packing our things, she had been in the psych ward for 3 weeks and was not responding to medication and every time I tried to visit she would become psychotic, I knew we were going our separate ways. That's when I started reading the first notebook. I thought it was psychotic gibberish at first. It was creepy but disjointed and didn't make sense. Later, I found the second notebook and I realized what it was saying. Anyway, her final plan was to slowly end my life by poisoning me with the toxins of many plants that grew wild in our rural area. She had written an incredible amount of information regarding deadly toxins in plants, how the symptoms present. How each is tested medically, etc. So, to answer the question, when should we fight back, I think if you're in a relationship with a malignant narcissist and you are fortunate enough to have become privy to what is going on, I suggest collecting evidence in an utmost cautious way, and quickly transfer it to a safe place away from your partner. I would not hang around collecting evidence but, as I was devising a quiet escape and waiting for the right moment to exit, I would collect evidence. When you are gone the narc will react. Now, you have the upper hand as you can clearly see what direction they are going to take and you can use your evidence however it best relates to their behavior when they see you have left them. It's not easy and I honestly don't know what damaged me more, the abuse of 9 years or the emotions and psychological energy and toll it took just so I could prove that any of this happened at all. And my narc only stayed institutionalized for about 6 months and was released to her father and then her grandparents.

You are surviving. You are not participating in a hissing contest. Quite rightly so.

If the shoe fits....

My experience is that we focus everyday on something we can improve in our life or someone else's life. Life gradually gets better. They end up exposing themselves. You aren't the only one they treat that way. The truth comes out

Take advice from a long suffering victim of something like that ,,,,,,,STAY AWAY.