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What happens when the Narcissist Loses control over you?

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Darren F Magee

Darren F Magee

Күн бұрын

In relationships with narcissistic people, sooner or later people begin to realise something's not quite right. They may set boundaries, go Grey Rock, no contact and so on. So what happens when a narcissistic person realises they are losing control over someone? In this video outlines some of the common behaviours including vindictiveness, trauma bonding and manipulation.
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#narcissism #narcissistic #narcissisticabuseawareness

Пікірлер: 15 000
@DarrenFMagee
@DarrenFMagee 2 жыл бұрын
The videos I make are requested by you the viewers. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future.
@fairygurl9269
@fairygurl9269 2 жыл бұрын
Thank You Sir
@deannarose9030
@deannarose9030 2 жыл бұрын
I would love for you to explore the physiological similarities that might be seen in narcissistic/psychopathic brains.
@SusanaXpeace2u
@SusanaXpeace2u 2 жыл бұрын
Hi Darren, I'd like some tips on getting to a place of acceptance because holy moly I'm not there yet. I understand the dysfunctional dynamic in my family and that it revolves around my mother. *But how can I accept it? how can I know what I know and be at peace with it?* be like, yeh, ah sure they're flawed but aren't we all. How can I get to that place of insouciance. Excuse my French.
@SusanaXpeace2u
@SusanaXpeace2u 2 жыл бұрын
I've had 18 months of therapy. I think I was boring myself talking about it. So I took a break. I have been practicing self-compassion from the work book my therapist recommended and it has helped a bit I think. But I'm not there yet. It still hurts. I only have one life and I'm furious that my parents are causing me to live it in pain.
@DarrenFMagee
@DarrenFMagee 2 жыл бұрын
Acceptance is a topic I’ll be discussing in a future video so stay posted. I hope you find it helpful
@cynthiafortier2540
@cynthiafortier2540 2 жыл бұрын
When I called my sister out on her bahavior, she told me never to call her again. It's been a happy and peaceful year!!
@matthewtaylor6533
@matthewtaylor6533 2 жыл бұрын
behaviour
@karlabritfeld7104
@karlabritfeld7104 2 жыл бұрын
Yes!!!
@janetpattison8474
@janetpattison8474 2 жыл бұрын
Fantastic! I’m happy for you! 🌺🌸🌷🌺
@simonepeters9070
@simonepeters9070 2 жыл бұрын
Mannn I can relate to that
@fusemore1059
@fusemore1059 2 жыл бұрын
That’s the same thing that happened to me too except it was my “foster” mom. She told me to never contact her again
@imbalancedstatus8824
@imbalancedstatus8824 2 ай бұрын
"Charming in Public, Abusive and Mean in Private"
@robyncurtis8542
@robyncurtis8542 2 ай бұрын
haha ... you nailed that. Just wondering when my daughter who hasn't talk to me for 3 years will figure it out. But I am done
@karens5429
@karens5429 2 ай бұрын
My mother for sure….
@suzannebrown2505
@suzannebrown2505 2 ай бұрын
My mother was also very abusive in public, especially when “she could show off“ to many people“ in person how “bad“ I was! And, she was always yelling at me and swearing! 😱
@lisagags9751
@lisagags9751 2 ай бұрын
My 25 yr.marriage. I've been free for 10 yrs now!
@imbalancedstatus8824
@imbalancedstatus8824 Ай бұрын
@@lisagags9751 25 yrs... you need a medal.
@bevan8477
@bevan8477 10 ай бұрын
The best thing you can do with a narcissist is get away from them completely.
@damianooi8261
@damianooi8261 8 ай бұрын
Agreed, coz all the time it's not their fault.. always blaming you for everything. Better avoid them at all costs. I experienced this from my ex before and it was horrifying and actually destroyed my self esteem and created doubts in myself
@fiddlersthree8463
@fiddlersthree8463 8 ай бұрын
Absolutely. Don't tell them you're leaving and don't look back. This is the most dangerous time of your life with a narcissist. They can easily become violent if they think they are losing control over you.
@SusanCox-pl9qp
@SusanCox-pl9qp 8 ай бұрын
Absolutely!
@JustRader2
@JustRader2 8 ай бұрын
Hard to accomplish when it’s your adult child. I cut her off for 2 years..that helped, but I have to maintain control as the mother, make her stay in the boundaries I set, and shut her down when she tries to manipulate again or blame others. I read a lot to understand the devastation she created, figuring it out was incredibly helpful and it allowed me to regain control of the situation.
@JustRader2
@JustRader2 8 ай бұрын
My oldest daughter blew up the family emotionally in 2016 and it was everyone else except for her. I stopped all communication until the end of 2018. That helped incredibly, and in that time I read, I searched, I listened and I learned. When I finally said I would talk to her on my terms it was with strong boundaries that I maintain..and it’s a constant vigilance. I stop communicating when she steps over the line. She tried to turn her siblings and my best friend of 35 years against me to isolate me, it failed thank goodness. It also showed her hand to everyone at the same time and that was what made the difference. It’s been 5 years and it still requires that I not allow her an inch, it took a long time to see my triggers and not let her use them. It’s very hard, a million tears cried trying to figure her out. She was not coddled or spoiled and no other narcissistic or covert-aggressive behavior in the family. She didn’t show this behavior at all until she started succeeding in her career in her 20’s and it worsened as her weight went out of her control. Don’t give up, please read..listen..learn. You have to regain your place as the mother, not their child, if you’re dealing with the narcissist child..that’s what I’ve learned.
@bettywindish8692
@bettywindish8692 10 ай бұрын
Narcissist people never ever stop abusing you. After 55 years it's still the same. But I've changed. I have let go of this person. I don't hate her. But Iam now free. It's wonderful.
@julialathon616
@julialathon616 17 күн бұрын
I know how you feel, done with putting ppl feelings in front of mine. These 60 years that GOD has blessed me to see healthy and peaceful.
@Franciscasieri
@Franciscasieri 8 күн бұрын
Let me guess it's your mom
@donnadaisy333
@donnadaisy333 2 жыл бұрын
Life lesson: do NOT give these sick people any information of which they will attempt to use against you. Just don’t tell them anything about you. This has helped me tremendously.
@wesleyshelby8163
@wesleyshelby8163 2 жыл бұрын
Yep your right. Exclude them and leave them out. They get slowly cut off until you’ve completely disconnected.
@brendabyrd668
@brendabyrd668 2 жыл бұрын
You're absolutely right..I've found that too brings me so much peace🤗...your hopes and dreams💕 are their nightmares💔.. ...peace of mind is so amazing after dealing with narcissist aka control freaks🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️family members..as it been said when one person is happy😆😁 another person is mad😠😡...its sad we cant be happy together as family.. When that cant happen its time to step back out of the nonsense...bc its a merry- go- round....never stopping unless you stop it...stay alert to the craziness of 👪 family members...
@randigerber1926
@randigerber1926 2 жыл бұрын
When they ask, "What's new?" I say, "I have nothing new to report." It gets boring really fast, but it works for me.
@s_o_f_i_a_
@s_o_f_i_a_ 2 жыл бұрын
They will make some up anyway :D
@joesmoke9624
@joesmoke9624 2 жыл бұрын
?Who made them sick?
@kirstyjarvis4545
@kirstyjarvis4545 2 жыл бұрын
In my experience, when a control freak runs out of control. He/she will try and control how everyone else thinks about you!
@ronvanderwolf1700
@ronvanderwolf1700 2 жыл бұрын
a very true statement , such very sad individuals they must be when they are alone
@villasoka884
@villasoka884 2 жыл бұрын
Well if you are such an awful person, you did them a favour! So they shouldn't complain to others if you go no contact. That proves they are the problem. Can't get over no!
@kathryncainmadsen5850
@kathryncainmadsen5850 2 жыл бұрын
Exactly.
@georgesontag2192
@georgesontag2192 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, they bad mouth you to your kids.
@villasoka884
@villasoka884 2 жыл бұрын
@@georgesontag2192 And defame us in their negative comments to everyone they meet that mention us. Many see the agenda they have. We have one great advantage, they are predictable, we KNOW how they will act. We can predict that there will always be the same problems. We may talk ourself out of our gut feeling, we shouldn't.
@REXOB9
@REXOB9 8 ай бұрын
The closest I ever got to an apology was "If I did that, then I'm sorry". Qualifying it with the "if" means they don't accept responsibility for their actions.
@sixten8493
@sixten8493 8 ай бұрын
"I'm sorry IF you feel that way about it, but you should listen to me", "I'm sorry IF you think of me that way, but you're wrong", "I'm sorry IF you got offended, but that's the way I speak" - the list never ends. Also "Thank you, glad you listened to my advice", "Thank you, I could've done it myself", "Thank you, I've seen others do this too".
@pedrob.5021
@pedrob.5021 7 ай бұрын
Omg, happened exact same thing with me.
@debbiebonnick8746
@debbiebonnick8746 7 ай бұрын
@@sixten8493 Spot on!!
@luciem5372
@luciem5372 7 ай бұрын
I was told, " I'm sorry if you feel that way."
@tamimchoudhury4285
@tamimchoudhury4285 7 ай бұрын
This is what I received from my narc today, its like your message., I have applied for divorce. " I am sorry again, please forgive me if I did anything to upset you." Yes, IF ? What is that!
@andrewcollins2060
@andrewcollins2060 5 ай бұрын
This guy knows what he is talking about. These kinds of people would rather see you die than to let you escape their grasp. I know personally.
@annsaunders5768
@annsaunders5768 3 ай бұрын
Sometimes... They can change that if they see people recognize it's going on.
@user-rw7fy1sr4i
@user-rw7fy1sr4i 2 ай бұрын
Agreed! My ex drove 12 hours straight to kill me when I went no contact after I finalized the divorce.
@vodkavuitton
@vodkavuitton 2 ай бұрын
🤷🏾‍♀️ personal problem
@lynmarie1786
@lynmarie1786 2 ай бұрын
Amen!
@Sara76779
@Sara76779 Ай бұрын
@@user-rw7fy1sr4iomg I hope you have a restraining order against him. Be safe!
@forensicbadassprofiling
@forensicbadassprofiling 2 жыл бұрын
When a narcissist can't control you, they control the way others see you.
@lissabaker7414
@lissabaker7414 2 жыл бұрын
That's what I deal with Sorry means Sorry for your luck (their words)
@sylviatownsend410
@sylviatownsend410 2 жыл бұрын
Or try to at least. If others see through their attempts, they won't be successful.
@Treetopflyer777
@Treetopflyer777 2 жыл бұрын
100%!! Spot on
@dorothyesked3012
@dorothyesked3012 2 жыл бұрын
My ex would wait days after an argument then accuse me of saying things that I never said.
@Jenjen-qc5eq
@Jenjen-qc5eq 2 жыл бұрын
My friend's ex boy friend tried to turn us against her instead he got a flurry of nasty texts from us in support of her. Uk
@michaeln5078
@michaeln5078 2 жыл бұрын
I have found with a narcissist that the “apology” tends to be vague and they never really admit to anything specific. Meanwhile when they are complaining about your behaviours, you will get a very detailed list.
@spydersmom1
@spydersmom1 2 жыл бұрын
So true. Absolutely truth. Eventually they will bring it up again or do it again ,then it starts all over again.
@rjmp5900
@rjmp5900 2 жыл бұрын
mom and ex!!😂😂😂😂💔💔life
@melissanielsen8215
@melissanielsen8215 2 жыл бұрын
I have had this too just a sarcastic soooorrrry
@hazor777
@hazor777 2 жыл бұрын
They WILL NOT go "deeper" , because it is far too painful for them - it may break them psychologically, truth be told. Most of their behavior is based on the SPIRIT OF FEAR. And fear is one of the most powerful demonic spirits in the satanic/demonic hierarchy . Yes, it is every bit demonic, nothing less.
@dianemitchell1717
@dianemitchell1717 2 жыл бұрын
I hope Will Smith sees your video. He might be able to distance himself from his narcissist wife once he sees her in a rational way free from her controlling emasculation and destructive behavior. You described her to a tee.
@annefagrew5807
@annefagrew5807 5 ай бұрын
Wow, this describes my ex 100%, started off being the perfect gentleman.... flowers, romantic gestures, etc.etc. then bit by bit, chipped away at every last bit of me... 25+ years always thinking try a little harder, perfect home, garden , cook... didn't like my friends, eventually one day I realised that if I was on my own, I could work a lot less & have peace... 21 years have passed & I've NEVER regretted 1 nano second
@claireadams6214
@claireadams6214 3 ай бұрын
It's so gradual, isn't it? That why my "mother" is blocked by most of the family, and also why I'm single for the rest of my life too
@cyndigooch1162
@cyndigooch1162 3 ай бұрын
Good on you both and not regretting the decision at all is a sure sign that it was the right one, which I can relate to! 🙂
@petemorton8403
@petemorton8403 3 ай бұрын
She had the worst selection of friends unless it was guys. Divorced Single Moms, Sisters that used/twisted husbands around, never teaming with them & divorcing or killing them off. The guys were like always taking her away, life in his car. It wouldn't ever end. Meanwhile I'm working & building constantly. Years of this, then Entitlements time, boyfriend sees his cut.
@Reddy7714
@Reddy7714 3 ай бұрын
Have the similar experience with narcissist husband getting divorced now. Feeling better but worried about the kid who behaves the same. Always gaslighting on the kid too. Don’t know how to protect from his manipulation with the kid. Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you
@nancewhittemore7147
@nancewhittemore7147 2 ай бұрын
@@Reddy7714 From my real life experience with a narcissist, son in law, getting the divorce may be the best thing you can do for children. I know my daughter regrets deeply having hung there for the kids as long as she did... we deal with the consequences often! I guess better late than never, but sooner rather than later! Wishing you all the best!
@kellyjackson4973
@kellyjackson4973 3 ай бұрын
God bless everybody everywhere, who is struggling you are important. God loves you cry out to him, give all your prayers and concerns to Christ. You deserve the best in life.
@timmiller1435
@timmiller1435 2 жыл бұрын
I have yet to hear a narcissist apologize. They must believe they are never wrong.
@bradsanders6954
@bradsanders6954 2 жыл бұрын
What ever they do, is an act. The next person that sees them gets a different act. .....somehow they know they are the only person in the world who knows all they know and are dead serious................its a cliche now but look how our last "president" pulled this know it all act non stop. The only truth was out of his mouth. Only he could fix it.............usually fixing a problem he totally created.
@lolab1643
@lolab1643 2 жыл бұрын
And even if they do apologise… they never mean it
@sheilavidrine1750
@sheilavidrine1750 2 жыл бұрын
They will twist it and accuse you of what they are doing. They never admit they did anything.
@robertsenior8330
@robertsenior8330 2 жыл бұрын
Their apology is usually to shut you up
@evaberriman9929
@evaberriman9929 2 жыл бұрын
Mine would apologize, anf love to play the remorseful victim. „I am sorry, I was wrong. I know I am not perfect. Now you HAVE to forgive me, take me back, apologize for your part, not remind me EVER about the many horrific things I did to you and pretend they never happened and accept part blame as YOUR behavior drove me to it…
@Littlelunasoul
@Littlelunasoul 11 ай бұрын
I love that quote - “they wet the bed and blame the blanket” - Perfect description!
@user-wg6rd7kz9n
@user-wg6rd7kz9n 10 ай бұрын
Me too…Great way to describe a personality trait using only 8 words. Was 😂..
@nworbydnar
@nworbydnar 10 ай бұрын
That is a ridiculous analogy. There are physical reasons for enuresis, one of which is abuse. It is an ignorant comment.
@lorrainemarquez6051
@lorrainemarquez6051 9 ай бұрын
Oh! Is that why trump wears a diaper? Lol.
@ze2004
@ze2004 9 ай бұрын
women
@cherylgoodall8120
@cherylgoodall8120 9 ай бұрын
Wow, that hits the nail right on its head.
@JetBossLauraSavino
@JetBossLauraSavino 2 ай бұрын
Common practice is to convince you that ‘everyone’ agrees with them - about whatever they are accusing you of.
@patriciaharris1711
@patriciaharris1711 3 ай бұрын
I married a man that was 12 years older than me. I started noticing how he was very over protective. It was fine at first but I began to notice how it was getting extreme. If I did anything with anyone else besides him he was jealous so I had to keep reassuring him that he was first. Then he didn't want to be around my family. If he said he didn't want me to go, I wouldn't,. Than it was faking sick. He would go as far as not taking his insulin just to see me jump into action. If I lay it out for him he would purposely not take it when we would go to church. So I had to start beating him at his own game buy having his insulin in a thermal bag that looked like a purse. When it stopped working on me and I started calling him on his stunts he started thinking he could scare me because he had isolated me from my family. One thing he didn't count on was that I stopped being intimated. He would try everything, but he didn't remember that I had kids. I had plenty of practice so I could see the signs
@joedohn9727
@joedohn9727 Жыл бұрын
1. Give up on any relationship with them 2. Grieve for the loss of what wasn't and what will never be 3. Make a get out plan and stick to it, and don't share it with anyone 4. Get help so you don't carry the burden of their abuse for the rest of your life 5. Smile and tell them however you tell them "we're done" when you finally give yourself permission to go no contact
@negativeiqpoints396
@negativeiqpoints396 Жыл бұрын
ngl I shoulda done this, but the way I did go out was awesome. I basically lashed out at him for not apologizing for rude things he said in the past, he didnt completely own up to them ("I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I didn't realize I was hurting you"), you know, that B.S, and I lashed out more remembering more things he needed to apologize for. Fast forward to later, and he made me apologize for doing that, but when he was scolding me I realized that I mustve really gotten into his head because he did this whole victim routine where he said "I never did anything wrong to anyone' and "you dragged me through the mud." Although at face value these things could be upsetting, in hindsight I was amused. I really did hurt his ego by yelling at him over text, huh? lol. Anyway, this was unrelated but your list reminded me of that. Narcissism is a hell of a drug, haha
@SierraNovemberKilo
@SierraNovemberKilo Жыл бұрын
Depart without a word. That thing you thought was a person, wasn't. It's not worth talking to. Cut the memory. Extinguish the hold it has on your imagination.
@user-rd2cs7wk8v
@user-rd2cs7wk8v 11 ай бұрын
Cut All ties with them! Clean break & they don't need an explanation because they won't get it and they will turn on you and also play the victim.
@Aleph_X
@Aleph_X 11 ай бұрын
I like your plan, I would've thought almost the same steps.
@victormendes1588
@victormendes1588 10 ай бұрын
Excellent answer.
@beckyreynard3663
@beckyreynard3663 2 жыл бұрын
“They wet the bed and blame the blanket” This expression really got me rolling on the floor.
@donnabarden4494
@donnabarden4494 2 жыл бұрын
😂😂😃
@HT-sg9pl
@HT-sg9pl 2 жыл бұрын
They never wrong
@donnawoodford6641
@donnawoodford6641 2 жыл бұрын
Blame shifting, deflection. Never accepting accountability.
@bobbivaneman1584
@bobbivaneman1584 2 жыл бұрын
I know. Me, too ! Toooo hilarious !
@corryjookit7818
@corryjookit7818 2 жыл бұрын
@@HT-sg9pl How about this ? " I'm not always right but I'm never wrong " She meant it, even when she tried to make me think she was joking.
@Shivani-Spectrum
@Shivani-Spectrum 7 ай бұрын
Lesson: Leave the relationship once you figure out what's going on and how they are. Be happy, don't tolerate their manipulation. Just observe them, laugh as much as you can, sing, dance, do whatever you like. Seeing you happy is a pain for them; watch how they burn inside.
@Markyrvxf
@Markyrvxf 6 ай бұрын
Like Jesus said, it's like pouring hot coals all over them lol
@coexistingcanine66
@coexistingcanine66 4 ай бұрын
That can be dangerous, as they get more violent seeing you happy. There goal is to have you below them at all times, and you being happy will make them do anything to bring you down, including threatening your life.
@ge2168
@ge2168 3 ай бұрын
Best to keep quiet.
@vodkavuitton
@vodkavuitton 2 ай бұрын
​@@coexistingcanine66sadly, their threats are laughable too 😂😂 about as threatening as a baby spitting their binky at you. I will let no one put me in a state of fear especially when I have no reason to be 🙃 tf I look like minding my business living MY life & fearing someone who has no damn business being in it? Sounds like a personal problem 🤷🏾‍♀️
@heatherstonebridge
@heatherstonebridge 16 күн бұрын
❤❤❤
@Maggie-yv7qq
@Maggie-yv7qq 6 ай бұрын
My husband screamed in my face " I don't want to live with you any more" what a relief that was for me. Putting up with his narcissistic ways drove me crazy always thinking I did something wrong. His punishment was to give me the silent treatment for weeks on end. Then tell his friends what I constantly did wrong ..... he's been gone now for 3 months and I don't miss being married to that man.... he will never contact me because I found him out for what he is. I'm now 71 and should have freed myself years ago. A big thank you for your advice 😊
@curtiseverett1671
@curtiseverett1671 Ай бұрын
but you are free to be happy
@rozwood1668
@rozwood1668 11 ай бұрын
The immense feeling of relief when you cut ties should tell you that you have done the right thing.
@karsaorlong666
@karsaorlong666 6 ай бұрын
the relief comes with heart break especially when it is with family but it is liberating.
@Dulce_Domum
@Dulce_Domum 5 ай бұрын
This is so, so true!
@soxfan
@soxfan 4 ай бұрын
yes, shut them out and don't deal with them again.
@cyndigooch1162
@cyndigooch1162 3 ай бұрын
@rozwood1668 I've felt extremely relieved when highly narcissistic individuals have stopped contact, or avoid me, especially when they're the types who are vindictive! I've found that it's often more difficult with "partners" and family members, depending on the person and situation, though. ❤
@KellyR-ht3me
@KellyR-ht3me 3 ай бұрын
I'm cutting ties with my brother and his girlfriend I'm done yep I'm literally a slave here in gonna pack and leave I'm done
@mannywilde
@mannywilde Жыл бұрын
"They wet the bed, and blame the blanket." Perfectly said!
@davecohen1459
@davecohen1459 Жыл бұрын
Lol
@5hk33zn
@5hk33zn Жыл бұрын
sometimes i mean, it is the blankets fault ok. cause i just wanted to lay dwn n b warm n snuggly n then boom i woke up 14 hrs later
@luluah1198
@luluah1198 Жыл бұрын
beautiful saying I will create war with sibling if you use this one 😂
@bookzdotmedia
@bookzdotmedia Жыл бұрын
Great analogy
@jacalyntaylor6721
@jacalyntaylor6721 Жыл бұрын
Lol true 👍 🤣 😆 😅 😂 😄
@pdoyle3247
@pdoyle3247 9 ай бұрын
I’ve distanced myself from a lifelong “friend” once I finally realized she was always the victim in her story.
@Ishidanfarded2370
@Ishidanfarded2370 6 ай бұрын
My former best friend, come to think of it i reckon he was bit of a narc. I didn't think it at the time but now going through what his behavioural patterns were like i firmly believe it now
@azineox9633
@azineox9633 2 ай бұрын
Same here, let’s all stay strong. I lost my entire group of friends because of her.
@rescuedogs4195
@rescuedogs4195 Ай бұрын
Draining........especially when it is clear they don't want to see that "They" are not even attempting to fix themselves. Everyone else is the problem.
@ginam8505
@ginam8505 Ай бұрын
@@azineox9633me too
@tina8796
@tina8796 2 ай бұрын
They tell lies on you and threaten you. Try to turn others against you
@vodkavuitton
@vodkavuitton 2 ай бұрын
Aka they crash out & lose control 😂😢
@tina8796
@tina8796 2 ай бұрын
@@vodkavuitton a "friend" today can be an enemy tomorrow. be careful you befriend
@KatieHiggins-hc1ph
@KatieHiggins-hc1ph Ай бұрын
And often succeed 🥹
@user-kf3yz7so6q
@user-kf3yz7so6q 27 күн бұрын
Especially your family… in my case, my daughters.. tells lies about me to them, twists things I’ve said and done to make me out a terrible person… and the worst part is, you rarely get the chance to defend yourself because your not challenged about it…,99% of the time, the narc gets away with what they’ve said about you.
@janicewalker8114
@janicewalker8114 2 жыл бұрын
*That didn't happen...And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was bad, it's no big deal. And if it is a big deal, it's not my fault. And if it was my fault, I didn't mean it. And if I did mean it, you deserved it.* I saw this description years ago and it seems to fit!!
@lrx54
@lrx54 2 жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh. Thanks for sharing. This is so profound. Their ability to “walk around” or talk around any scenario is so convincing, so credible. These people work their magic on others, captivating them, while to the horror of the victim, who is left without support or defense in this exchange. Imagine this happening in the courtroom. The victim of the abuse is now victim of a wrongful judgement in a legal matter. A victim without friends , as the narc sways their minds. A victim without their children, as the kids have been manipulated by the narc to despise the “wrong” parent. This parent with every awful characteristic projected onto them by the narc. This is my life!
@gordonspence6544
@gordonspence6544 2 жыл бұрын
A perfect description of an evening a few years back when i confronted her .. you have to be there and see it to believe it .. they will swear black is white .. truly sad people .. but not my problem anymore .. I thank god for having enough about me despite the drip drip abuse affect to call her out and be strong .. thats when you realise they are actually very very weak people and only give off an aura of strength.
@rozsheehy6146
@rozsheehy6146 2 жыл бұрын
IT'S SO TRUE!!!
@lovelyr9773
@lovelyr9773 2 жыл бұрын
Janice Walker ooouu..this touched my soul
@GreenEnvy.
@GreenEnvy. 2 жыл бұрын
People have used this exact quote to describe Trump, who was also a narcissist.
@platformofglorypraisewithj2310
@platformofglorypraisewithj2310 11 ай бұрын
I think when a narcissist says, "I love you" or "I will always love you, " they really mean something like, "I own you" or "I will always target and seek to control and manipulate you."
@maureen3621
@maureen3621 11 ай бұрын
Open Season.
@rajiputra4356
@rajiputra4356 8 ай бұрын
true
@fiddlersthree8463
@fiddlersthree8463 8 ай бұрын
"I need to be able to control you to survive."
@LittleLulubee
@LittleLulubee 8 ай бұрын
My mother and brother treat me like I’m their possession, without any rights 😭😭
@philosopher888stoned
@philosopher888stoned 8 ай бұрын
In my case, and as I tried to explain to my ex and my "mom", when they say "I love you", it simply means "I love the way you love me". They are NOT capable of loving anybody. They get angry when they lose their victim. My 2 cents.
@grantaugustyniak6667
@grantaugustyniak6667 Ай бұрын
They go out of control - when they’re not in control !
@pianolearner7
@pianolearner7 4 ай бұрын
You will never get clarity from a narcissist because that requires accountability.
@LooseCan88
@LooseCan88 28 күн бұрын
bingo
@shaunguffey9199
@shaunguffey9199 2 жыл бұрын
When you finally tell a narcissist to stay out of your life forever, they tell everyone you're a backstabber.
@Fatemaforlife
@Fatemaforlife 2 жыл бұрын
I told one that I literally don't care what he says about me or to who, which was true, but I am just not putting up with manipulative behavior.
@kitkatt6357
@kitkatt6357 2 жыл бұрын
or the '' you are so ungrateful ! ''
@amandatarkington6877
@amandatarkington6877 2 жыл бұрын
@@kitkatt6357 So true!
@jocelyne.5960
@jocelyne.5960 2 жыл бұрын
My mother ... to a T 🙄
@jocelyne.5960
@jocelyne.5960 2 жыл бұрын
@@kitkatt6357 yes... "after all I've done for you" 😒
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then, they will turn around, and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
@spir5102
@spir5102 2 жыл бұрын
Yes, they chip away at you constantly. and when the straw breaks the camels back and you react, they become the victim and blame you. I lived it.
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
@@spir5102 God bless you 🍀🙏I'm happy that it's now pssed tense "lived it" so you're not living,,, it 🍀🙏God bless you & hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
@@ArcanumAscent So sorry to hear this Seems she ws trying to mnipulte & control, & intimidte you Truly hope you're in a much better sitution now, God bless you 👍🍀🙏
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
@@ArcanumAscent This is brilliant that you're moving in the right direction 👍👉🙏God bless you & this is what mtters 👏Your eyes have now been opened, never to be deceived, 👀ever again 🍀🙏For you are now full of insight, wisdom enlightenment 🙌🍀🙏M@y you be blessed abundantly, from this time forth
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
@@ArcanumAscent wow this is brilliant news 👍📰👏Congrtultions 🤚🎉🎊God bless you 🙌👍🙏Is triangulation, where the nrcissists brings in a 3rd person into what should just be between you & the nrcissist? 🤔🍀🙏
@melaniemanera1193
@melaniemanera1193 5 ай бұрын
This is so my mother-in-law. She is such a toxic person and after 38 years, I have decided to go no contact with her. Talking to her about her behavior and inappropriate things she's said did not do any good so I sent her an email. She printed the email and confronted me with it. She was angry and defensive and claimed it was all lies. When we started going through the things I talked about in the email, she would swear up and down something never happened OR she would remember it differently where I was the one to blame and she was the victim. I videotaped our meeting and it's quite amusing to see her in her narcissistic rage. She threw temper tantrums. She held her breath, gritted her teeth, stomped her feet, lied, played the victim, called me names, screamed, yelled, and even growled at me. She's a horrible hypocrite. She meddles in everyone's business. She treats her son (my husband) like he's her husband instead of her son. She tells you what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to feel. I am a quiet, shy person and she's a loud mouth. I was expected to change to meet her standards. She is a master manipulator. And this woman is 80 years old!
@lindasharp8523
@lindasharp8523 3 ай бұрын
I have one like this. She's 84 now and I hope she lives to be 100 as she's so miserable.
@axxe1531
@axxe1531 3 ай бұрын
The world doesn't make any sense anymore.I told myself evil people - Luceferians - are in master control. Now ,when i see some people being mean ,cruel , unnatural,i think they are demon possessed.( Thats the only way i can make sense of things .) You're MIL is demon possessed . I think.
@kirskirs2219
@kirskirs2219 2 ай бұрын
omg this is my mother in law , i been in this family for four years... i went no contact after she threatened my life at a family party. I am done. I hope yall find some peace in these situations
@brunorivera8196
@brunorivera8196 2 ай бұрын
Evil old woman please don't waste your time. Stay away.
@pamw9966
@pamw9966 2 ай бұрын
We must have the same MIL. 😂
@andybray9791
@andybray9791 10 ай бұрын
I met a lot of narcissists in my life and often like to lie about me to others. Their attitude may catch up with them one day
@paulm6059
@paulm6059 2 жыл бұрын
Best advice I got from a therapist. "Well, you can't win with a narcissist." Suddenly a weight was remove from my shoulders.
@justinw2232
@justinw2232 2 жыл бұрын
Or with a borderline
@muskokamike127
@muskokamike127 2 жыл бұрын
On a similar note: Best advice I got? "if you're in a situation and you see people doing or saying things that they want to guilt you or make you angry, leave. Doesn't matter if it's family or friends....just leave. There's no law that says you have to sit there and take it".
@carefreedelight2355
@carefreedelight2355 2 жыл бұрын
When the Narcissist has your son and your grandchildren whom she has not allowed you to see until she feels she has the apology she deserves ( she being the arbiter of that apology) there really is no hope.
@carefreedelight2355
@carefreedelight2355 2 жыл бұрын
@@muskokamike127
@kariskogstadlita8085
@kariskogstadlita8085 2 жыл бұрын
@@muskokamike127 So true !!! Just leave ,and never ever look back .Freedom 🤩
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes
@NickyM_0
@NickyM_0 2 жыл бұрын
Always!
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
@@NickyM_0 God bless you 🕊️🍀🙏Hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
@NickyM_0
@NickyM_0 2 жыл бұрын
@@evelina787 Thank you for those blessings! And you too! 💕😍💐🌻
@evelina787
@evelina787 2 жыл бұрын
@@NickyM_0 So thoughtful & kind🕊️👍🍀🙏Praying God gives you the best bec@use you deserve 🕊️👍🍀🙏
@vonjunzt4130
@vonjunzt4130 2 жыл бұрын
aren't all the people commenting on this video also playing the victim card?
@JNS1972
@JNS1972 Ай бұрын
My mom goes into a victim mentality and sulks with a sad face in silence for days when I call her out. She wants people to feel bad for her being attacked and she always cuts herself down. She will say things like “I miss Michael (my dad) because he understood me!” Which means he pandered to her manipulation and made her low self esteem feel better. She always finds a way to be the victim and seeks to make you apologize for damaging her. “I don’t know what I did but I will always love you.” The old turn it around to make you feel guilt for hurting someone who deeply loves you ploy. Yeah, I get that defense a lot.
@Omneyvdwatering
@Omneyvdwatering 8 ай бұрын
I went no contact with my narcissistic mother. She still claims she doesn't know what she did wrong. She also said she could always jump in front of a train if things would not go "back to normal"
@hochminus-iy7ro
@hochminus-iy7ro Ай бұрын
Didn't hear that last thing from my mother, but I feel you. Hope it did get better for you or at least it will be.
@christinekaiser8382
@christinekaiser8382 2 жыл бұрын
In an age of narcissism a typical response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". They never take responsibility for what they've said or done.
@kenishahammond3935
@kenishahammond3935 2 жыл бұрын
That is so true and a true sickness. They can never self reflect, in which there is no growth. Goodbye!
@AnnieAtRecess
@AnnieAtRecess 2 жыл бұрын
My response the last time I heard this false apology was "You can't apologize for my feelings, you can only apologize for your actions."
@christinekaiser8382
@christinekaiser8382 2 жыл бұрын
@@AnnieAtRecess I've said that too but then they say they're sorry I feel that way. It's like Grandma's nightgown -- it covers everything. Absolute frustration.
@ginawiggles918
@ginawiggles918 2 жыл бұрын
The "apology" I always got was...... *"Well, I'm SORRY you don't want to hear the TRUTH!"* Yeah right, they are wonderful because in their twisted, toxic view they are "helping" you for your own good. They think they deserve a medal or something.
@gandawesley5870
@gandawesley5870 2 жыл бұрын
It's has become very interesting to me how a narcissist never takes responsibility for the hurt and pain they cause in a relationship. I don't have a problem of him slandering or shaming me thru family or his friends (and if he did do this it would have no affect on me). He is not computer literate and doesn't use a cell phone. The challenge is getting him to go.
@aj402
@aj402 2 жыл бұрын
She- “Youll never find anyone that cares like me.” Me- “God I hope youre right!” Celebrating 34 years of bliss this October with a woman that is nothing like the last one.
@Tre16
@Tre16 2 жыл бұрын
Yet here you are, 34 years later, still talking about her lol
@aj402
@aj402 2 жыл бұрын
@@Tre16 I pretty much talk about whomever i want when ever i want but thanks for your input. Lol
@karis3647
@karis3647 2 жыл бұрын
I'm on year 10 with the love of my life after 8 years of hell with my narcissistic ex-husband.
@Akash-vf3ru
@Akash-vf3ru 2 жыл бұрын
@@Tre16 Topic of the video - Narcissistic people What he talked about - A narcissistic person What traits are you displaying right now - Read the title
@socratese5
@socratese5 2 жыл бұрын
Lol 😂
@beachbliss9366
@beachbliss9366 4 ай бұрын
My mother has smeared me to my neighbours and our distance relatives overseas. Now I’m having to move on from our family doctor because she’s slandered me to him. He’s bought her story even though I told him what she was like. He’s even got my psychologist’s report recommending I have no contact with her and my CPTSD diagnosis from her abuse. My mother’s an absolute expert at playing the victim when in private she’s an abusive monster… I’ve cut off all the flying monkeys connected to her, the Dr was the only one left, and now he’s changed with me. She’s like sludge that overcomes everyone she comes into contact with.
@caribcarib4337
@caribcarib4337 Ай бұрын
they were not your friends from the beginning - get new friends and a new doctor
@emmagriffiths3123
@emmagriffiths3123 6 ай бұрын
You just described everything my mother put me through when I started challenging her behaviour years ago. Thank you for sharing this.
@AccidentalArtMaker
@AccidentalArtMaker 2 жыл бұрын
“How dare you have boundaries with me!”, screamed my mother many years ago.
@MrConstantMalachi
@MrConstantMalachi 2 жыл бұрын
Cripes! At least the leopard showed its spots so vividly!
@phoebetheoneandonly365
@phoebetheoneandonly365 2 жыл бұрын
OMG my mom actually said the same thing to me! She couldn't stand the fact that I won't answer my phone till 8:00 am. She asked about emergencies and I told her that's the only reason to call before 8. Of course she still tried, and I didn't answer.
@smc1942
@smc1942 2 жыл бұрын
My mother.... "No? What do you mean no? You don't tell me no!!!" Later.... "I don't remember that." Or... "I didn't/never said that." We haven't spoken in 6 years. It's been nice!
@ambc8970
@ambc8970 2 жыл бұрын
What about throwing herself on the floor and say that she needs medical help???? I am a man and it happened to me. I was an only child. My dad did not know how to handle her.
@user-kcrpine
@user-kcrpine 2 жыл бұрын
A girl I recently dated told me “you will NOT add things up in regards to me anymore!” and in response to her ever-changing stories. Human cancer.
@rothaarige3896
@rothaarige3896 2 жыл бұрын
Had a narcissist mother. She brought me to several child psychologists because she thought I was a psychopath, because I couldn't be controlled by her. I know this garbage all too well
@tylerhorn3712
@tylerhorn3712 2 жыл бұрын
I've had similar experiences. It's good that it won't hurt your legal rights unless you ended up having to go to court. So, you can still live your life like a normal citizen after you get away from that relationship and have time to recover.
@rothaarige3896
@rothaarige3896 2 жыл бұрын
@@tylerhorn3712 anything to excuse her terrible behavior, and put it on me. She even went so far as to tell my relatives lies about imaginary scenarios in which I looked crazy. She told them I was a nazi. I turned my back on 90% of the family, they had nothing for me other then contempt. No one questioned the Queen Bee's narrative.
@seancollins9745
@seancollins9745 2 жыл бұрын
Did she drug you to
@rothaarige3896
@rothaarige3896 2 жыл бұрын
@@seancollins9745 she tried, I refused rhe Ritalin
@lynneroberts3628
@lynneroberts3628 2 жыл бұрын
Yes I loved my mum she is not with us now. I was taken to see a physiatrist as had an accident that maid me faint. She thought I was pretending and so she took me to the Dr Dr said there was nothing wrong with me and I was very sensible but wanted to see my mother instead.
@bestill365
@bestill365 Ай бұрын
Narcissistic people like to crap on you and then they either want you to ignore it or blame you for it by gaslighting you into thinking it was all your fault. Unfortunately this is how I grew up with both a narcissistic mother and father.
@fayreynolds
@fayreynolds 6 ай бұрын
After a marriage of 33 years, I realised nothing would change, so I left. All those behaviours mentioned, the begging, crying, happened and promises of change etc with not one apology for anything! plus running me down to everyone, but I held fast. I felt very isolated, having to leave my life and friends and move to the city, but knew distance was needed. In time I realised how much happier my life was and around 12 years ago, so 8 years after I left the marriage, he tried to do one last traumatic thing to me. But I stood up for myself, followed my heart, didn’t cave in and I’ve not had any issues since, so a peaceful happy life is mine now. Oh and he has shown his true colours to his extended family and said and done some appalling things to them too. I sometimes feel sorry for him as his behaviour has isolated him so much! But it feeds his victim mentality. I clearly remember the feeling of a physical weight being lifted off me in the decision to leave.
@squamoza
@squamoza Жыл бұрын
I'm a victim of narcissistic mother. I went no contact 10 years ago. It was the best decision I've ever made.
@Metasebiya4
@Metasebiya4 Жыл бұрын
I understand you might hurt because of her but as a mother I know how it feels when you far from your own Kids & leave you like strangers! instead of doing that, why don't you tell her how you feel & talk about it? I know most of Americans leave early it's because they got job or successful life the way i grew up, isn't like that they don't get out from There Parents house before they get Married! In US When they start living life easily & get everything they want after that they Complain & forget everything what they're parent Sacrifice for them! I'm in this situation so I know how it hurts so much 😢 and When you going to have a child, you might understand how it feels!
@DA-jw4lx
@DA-jw4lx Жыл бұрын
@@Metasebiya4 With all due respect, you must not have any idea how vicious and evil these narcissistic mothers can be. And maybe you don't understand that THEY NEVER CHANGE, they only get worse. And maybe you don't understand that the wounds they inflict are so deep, it changes a person. And perhaps you don't understand...they have ZERO compassion, even on their own kids. And maybe you have never heard, they are like vampires that suck your blood at any given chance. And one more thing, maybe you are not aware that too much abuse is not enough abuse according to a narcissist.
@christopher5585
@christopher5585 Жыл бұрын
The victim side always sucks, especially if the Narc is a family member. Hopefully, she will sober up as she ages before it's too late. Wishing you a pleasant good post Narc life.
@pdog547
@pdog547 Жыл бұрын
14 years since any contact with mine - definitely much better off.
@ButterCupMMXXIII
@ButterCupMMXXIII Жыл бұрын
@@Metasebiya4 You understand a parent's feelings but Alex is a *victim* of a parent. If your mother was a spider, would you crawl onto her web so that she could eat you alive? Does a narcissistic parent have any shame or guilt or sympathy for mistreating a child? A narcissistic parent with any level of remorse should see that the end of the relationship is the result, the consequences of the abuse. No more guilt-tripping the adult child, who is finally free from the parent.
@LilMsLorelei
@LilMsLorelei 2 жыл бұрын
“They may apologize but they are not sorry for what they have done. They are sorry that they are suffering repercussions. They are sorry that you can now see them for what they really are.” Boy, did you nail that! They are sorry that they can no longer control you. The jig is up!
@lilfairycupcake
@lilfairycupcake 2 жыл бұрын
Sorry they got caught.
@LilMsLorelei
@LilMsLorelei 2 жыл бұрын
Low Bro I know them personally. They are not born this way. They choose to be selfish over and over again until they have morphed themselves into soul-less monsters. I don’t have sympathy for creeps anymore. Sorry if I struck a chord.
@TinLizzy1
@TinLizzy1 2 жыл бұрын
Not born this way. Narcissism is usually a result of abuse or the cycle of narcissism in the family tree. At some point, in the generations, it gets broken.
@LilMsLorelei
@LilMsLorelei 2 жыл бұрын
Liz Alleman The “experts” say it’s caused by abuse. I disagree. I have to say that is not what I’ve seen at all. So far the ones that I know, have been able to control their entire family with manipulation and were given everything they ever wanted. They were the catered to kings and queens of their families. They became used to that. They now see people as objects to be used as they see fit. They never learned empathy and they never learned remorse. Little kings and queens grew up to be big kings and queens. Their thinking is: I do no wrong. I am always in the right. I am better than everyone else. It is irrelevant what other people’s feelings are. The world and everyone in it is here to serve me and give me what I want but I can’t actually let people know that so let me create this fake nice personality so that I can draw them in. Then the manipulations and the deceptions begin. They literally create a personality that comes across as humble and nice. It’s a complete farce. Of course I’m talking about the covert narcissists. They are about as dangerous as can be.
@selfesteem3447
@selfesteem3447 2 жыл бұрын
@Low Bro are you a Narcissist ?❤
@SimplyMulani
@SimplyMulani Ай бұрын
This is a very important video for me. It explains what is happening and what is coming. They apologize in order to escape the consequences of their actions.
@KatieHiggins-hc1ph
@KatieHiggins-hc1ph Ай бұрын
Exactly
@Susanshadows
@Susanshadows 10 ай бұрын
This just explains everything, I am not the bad person I am being constantly told I am. Hard tho when you do love this person and genuinely care about what they need and want.
@Markyrvxf
@Markyrvxf 6 ай бұрын
Those feelings you mentioned are the ties that bind you to your suffering. You MUST sever them, cut contact, walk away and NEVER look back. It is the ONLY path to victory when dealing with narcissists...
@Susanshadows
@Susanshadows 6 ай бұрын
Have left, October just gone. It’s the emotional feelings of love, caring ect that are still all over the place. @@Markyrvxf
@nickf9392
@nickf9392 2 жыл бұрын
They devalue you, insult you, put you down, and push you away.
@user-gf6yl8jg6z
@user-gf6yl8jg6z 2 жыл бұрын
Yep. My mother - to a T
@edennis8578
@edennis8578 2 жыл бұрын
You're lucky if that's all that happens. My boyfriend beat me when he even thought I wasn't under his control.
@MoonwolfeConsulting
@MoonwolfeConsulting 2 жыл бұрын
I wasn't lucky. I was pushed out of a moving vehicle by him. He left me on the side of a busy highway. He did this in the presence of my toddler.
@MJ-qb5ph
@MJ-qb5ph 2 жыл бұрын
And then expect you to apologise nick
@kathyadair8552
@kathyadair8552 2 жыл бұрын
@@MoonwolfeConsultingThe equivalent of 2 criminal Nazis & narcopathic bros. 💔😭🇺🇸 My 💚 and Blessings to you sister.
@martinschubert5536
@martinschubert5536 Жыл бұрын
What worked for me, was " Love them as best as you can, and leave them where they are"
@valerieriggins3184
@valerieriggins3184 Жыл бұрын
I LOVE MYSELF 💕🥰The BEST I Can And Keep IT Moving.... IT'S ABOUT TIME Done With The Ungrateful.
@patriciashea676
@patriciashea676 Жыл бұрын
So very true. You can not change them. 😢
@tommyparkerparker
@tommyparkerparker Жыл бұрын
Love them from a distance.
@advancedbasicsAB
@advancedbasicsAB 10 ай бұрын
Interesting...
@jesse75
@jesse75 10 ай бұрын
I'm going fishing.
@victoriatomlinson7629
@victoriatomlinson7629 7 ай бұрын
When I started to put boundaries in place with my mum her behaviour escalated. It actually became so over the top it was hilarious. If ever I thought I was being harsh it stopped right then.
@localweedia
@localweedia Күн бұрын
You know it’s pathological when you feel gaslit, frustrated, and are looking for a support system to get through your confusion about how they are acting. I need serious assistance dealing with my partner just to get through the loneliness and to retain a protective shield around my self esteem.
@elizabethblane201
@elizabethblane201 2 жыл бұрын
Normal people are transparent, loving, flexible, unassuming, and forgiving, unlike narcissists, who are none of these.
@endeavouringit
@endeavouringit 2 жыл бұрын
Wish I could find normal people, whatever that entails.
@4lugan
@4lugan 2 жыл бұрын
Totally agree.
@jillh2186
@jillh2186 2 жыл бұрын
Amen
@jillh2186
@jillh2186 2 жыл бұрын
@@endeavouringit normal people are emotionally heathy unlike a narc
@Pwwh0711
@Pwwh0711 2 жыл бұрын
Not in my experience...where do YOU live?!
@joshuasnore3600
@joshuasnore3600 2 жыл бұрын
This is my mother. One day I had enough. It’s really hard to try and explain to people why you don’t communicate with your family, but they’re still all under her spell.
@twanamccord411
@twanamccord411 2 жыл бұрын
You are not alone…. Im done with the toxic mother daughter relationship. My peace is well more worth it!
@LeoMidori
@LeoMidori 2 жыл бұрын
@@twanamccord411 Same here. Been close to three years now, I'll never live under anyone's thumb like that again, it's been so wonderful to live honestly and free of hostility.
@moranasprowler
@moranasprowler 2 жыл бұрын
I would maybe never have seen my mother for narcissist she is, if it wasn't for my father's passing. People who have "normal" mother will never be able to understand/relate. It's ok to leave and protect yourself, good luck and don't fall back into trauma bond.
@gcjpcrowder
@gcjpcrowder 2 жыл бұрын
she poisons anyone we mutually know. And I have taught myself not to mind.
@jaimegarner5105
@jaimegarner5105 2 жыл бұрын
They have such wonderful moms, I get why they don’t get it.
@ghilly_one1720
@ghilly_one1720 5 ай бұрын
When people start with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry but…” I shut it down and tell them “NOPE. That is not an apology. Try again.” And we continue in that manner until they get it right. That’s the only way to make it clear to them that THEY are the cause.
@riverstun
@riverstun 2 ай бұрын
I've been involved with narcissists a few times, and one thing I would add is that there are different kinds of narcissists. There are narcissists who want to destroy you for a reason and employ many of the tactics you mention. The solution here is to leave the situation if you can. I had 2 housemates like this, and they basically wanted me gone - one so they could take over the place for themselves, the other because they wanted to run the place as if they owned it, and my demands for space to put my e.g., food were a threat (there were 2 fridges between 6 people; she had bullied her way into using one while the other 4 shared the other - in the end, the landlord moved in a mini-fridge for me. Whenever I confronted her, she "didnt know who owned all that stuff", but it became clear that nobody else owned it but her). And so on. You get people like this at work too, people who stab you in the back to get ahead. Fortunately, I've never really encountered one of these at work. So thats the first, dangerous type. Just stay away from them if you can. Watch for it and disengage. The second kind is the people who want something from you, this is the relationship narcissist. And they're often very sweet people. It's hard to hate them, but you find yourself thinking that you're not loving them enough (because they tell you this), and you end up always being stressed, trying to hold the relationship together as they seem to be trying to look for reasons why its wrong, and so you try and convince them... what they want is the drama and the attention. Once they have you hooked and running in circles to please them, they get bored and move on to the next victim. You're left completely messed up, hopelessly loving them, not knowing what went wrong... and it takes a lot of work to actually understand what happened. In my case, I was talking to someone and they told me that it sounded like they were a narcissist, so I looked it up, and *bingo*. In the end, the next guy was a bigger narcissist than her, and wrecked her life. karma. It took me 20 years to get to the point though where I cut off contact with her because it finally got through my thick skull that no matter how much she thought she cared about me, how much she continued to say it, that even though this was real for her, it was a different TYPE of love - When she thought of love, she meant a relationship in which the guy was besotted with her. And every guy she went out with after me, as soon as she got it, she started looking for reasons to break it up with them. (I got married in the meantime, so I was thankfully just observing it, not getting involved in it - I'm a guy who needs to understand things, a scientist, and I couldnt understand how a relationship between 2 people who loved each other could break up, which was the case. Even last year, she was still saying things like I was the closest person to her in her life - and here's the thing I'm kinda getting at here. While the first type I mentioned will say this as a tactic, this second type doesnt do it to hurt, on purpose. They are the victims of their own narcissism because they cant form stable relationships, always looking for something better. (she never married). Where the first kind is a tiger stalking you, the second kind is an unstable stepping stone in a river. The second kind can mean the best for you, but their narcissism means that they hurt whoever comes in contact with them, and their behavior has you wanting more. They suck you into their world and mess with your mind. Then you look at someone like Trump. A third kind. Kinda like the first type, but he doesnt focus on hurting someone else to get what he wants, he hurts anyone who gets in his way, destroying hundreds of people in the process. Yes, he will act vindictively and obsessively for perceived slights, but its just a whole other order of magnitude in that he cant be happy until he runs the world and is admired by literally everyone. Being defeated by Biden pushed him to invading congress, and running again, denying the election results, I mean, it just never stops. and half the electorate cant see it. So its a whole other ball game. So there are many types of narcissists. Type I, just get away from. Type 2, by all means stay in touch with, but work hard to disengage yourself emotionally from that person. Type 3? You have to engage in a way because they are a danger to the world. But how? The best way I can think of is for Biden to repeatedly call him a "loser" at the debate, calmly, and thus provoke Trump into a rage where he lunges at him in front of the TV cameras.
@janetfedeles3964
@janetfedeles3964 2 жыл бұрын
Oh yes! My mother, a covert narcissist, would tell people, "I am really concerned about her ...."whatever she made up. Made me look bad. And it worked! Her friends thought I was a horrible person. Very validating video. Thank you.
@map3384
@map3384 2 жыл бұрын
My mother in-law was also a covert narcissist. She kept up appearances but in reality she was a mean spiteful controlling bitch. When she got Alzheimer’s it got worse to the point she was physically and emotionally abusing my father in-law, wife and even my kids. She’s dead now and hopefully burning in hell for the terrible things she did.
@JW-vd4il
@JW-vd4il 2 жыл бұрын
Omg this video made me think of my Mom too. My Mom also does the thing of she's "just worried about me" plus telling others that. I'm 54! I also still get a feeling of tension and fear if anyone tells me they Love me. Nice, huh? What bothers me most is relatives or close friends who RECOGNIZE she's messed up but still don't understand or won't believe me about exactly how messed up she is. Or why I won't deal with her because of it plus have tried MANY times to just have a "nice" relationship with her. "Yeah, she's controlling but she's just worried about you." "Sure, she's intrusive, but it's just because she cares." "Yes, she's hard on you sometimes but think of what she's been through." Nope, nope, and NO! Love and light to you! And anyone else dealing with a relative like this. ❤💕💞😎🎶 (I'm LC by the way but she's stirring up trouble AGAIN. My next step might be to move and cut all ties. Sad.)
@jameswest8181
@jameswest8181 2 жыл бұрын
you are not alone in this, what this guy is saying is my mother 100%
@ZebraJenn
@ZebraJenn 2 жыл бұрын
This happened to me growing up.
@jameswest8181
@jameswest8181 2 жыл бұрын
Remember we are all loved even when alone or in toxic company,
@umarss5660
@umarss5660 Жыл бұрын
"if they don't admit their own errors...to themselves, they definitely are not going to admit their toxic behavior to you or anyone else."
@shuruihageshiga4581
@shuruihageshiga4581 Жыл бұрын
Ask them what they see in the mirror every day and they'll try to brush it off/make excuses for it. I've had teenage kids that tried pulling the narcissistic card on me multiple times when I worked in a grocery store. Some of them realized real quick that I wasn't going to take that kind of crap from them and changed their attitude fast.
@christopher5585
@christopher5585 Жыл бұрын
Narcissists' never........never........ never admit their faults. Noooooo........
@KK-nj8nb
@KK-nj8nb Жыл бұрын
they might admit them...so that they can do it all over again....
@AR7271
@AR7271 Жыл бұрын
Too bad we have video cameras and audio recorders in our pockets.
@rfiskillingussoftly6568
@rfiskillingussoftly6568 6 ай бұрын
You did a great job on the video man! Moral of the story...the second you realize your involved with a narcissist...record your exit! For legal protection!
@NunYaO
@NunYaO 2 жыл бұрын
For survivors who go no-contact...They 'ghost' for 30-90 days, until they come to terms with the fact you aren't going to return, then they reach out to those you love in order to 1. make you return or 2. enroll the people you love (and still have contact with) into the role they feel you "abandoned"...so, warn your loved ones of what to expect and look out for; but, FOR GOD"S SAKE DON"T RETURN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!
@jayf295
@jayf295 2 жыл бұрын
Yeh same here. I moved to another country to get away from him! Three years later he still tries to contact me...ever 30 days or so he will try and call to see if I have unbocked him🤣..I get those blocked notifications. 🤦🏼‍♀️
@megalightsfan4948
@megalightsfan4948 2 жыл бұрын
@@jayf295 literally same constantly leaving voicemails even when blocked
@jayf295
@jayf295 2 жыл бұрын
@@megalightsfan4948 I have had all the bells and whistles with him. Straight from the book. It took me 3 years to finally go no contact and block him. Going on 7 months now uninterrupted. I wish I could tell other victims just how healing no contact is.
@karlabritfeld7104
@karlabritfeld7104 2 жыл бұрын
Yes that's exactly what my narcissist did. He still stalks me 33 years and 2200 miles later.
@jayf295
@jayf295 2 жыл бұрын
@@karlabritfeld7104 Oh God! I pray that I dont have that outcome! Get sick just thinking about it🤢
@Alice-lw9mg
@Alice-lw9mg 2 жыл бұрын
I had the misfortune to have a narcissistic father, then husband and finally a partner who kept it covered for about 8-10 years - then all the things you talked about started happening. When I left (after 17 years)there were tears and sorry's galore but no real remorse. He then stalked me for several months - but I escaped and am healing from it all. Starting a new life at 70 is interesting but exciting too - bring it on!
@catbirdler
@catbirdler 2 жыл бұрын
Alice, I am 5 years behind you and had the exact same sequence of events. Father, husband (25 years) and a partner who dumped me for someone else in our social circle after 7 years. I thought he was my soulmate at long last and was truly devastated when he literally exchanged me for her. I started putting together the pieces afterwards and discovered common threads throughout all the relationships, behaviours which I thought were normal (having being raised by a narcissistic father). Only after the last breakup did I learn about narcissism and NPD. At last it all makes sense and at 65 I too am ready to take on the rest of my life with a new enthusiasm. I feel so empowered by this knowledge. FYI my dad just passed away 2 months ago at 94. He was a larger than life character who overcame terrible childhood trauma, accomplished much in his life and was admired by many. But he had another side to him... for example, I found out that he cheated on my mother who was a saint of a woman, whom he loved and relied on for so much. Perhaps not so strangely, I don't miss him but feel truly peaceful and at ease for perhaps the first time in my life.
@Alice-lw9mg
@Alice-lw9mg 2 жыл бұрын
@@catbirdler I find it so sad that so many people suffer at the hands of narcissists and feel that they are in some way inadequate or to blame when truth is they are not. Cindy I wish you a very happy future hold your head high because you got through it. Believe in yourself and be proud of who you are - a kind and lovely lady who deserves to be loved with kindness. All the best from Alice.
@allybrosia3725
@allybrosia3725 2 жыл бұрын
This is so empowering, Alice. I’m 40. Thank you so much for inspiring and sharing. My father is a narcissist and I’ve recently broken ties. Have been fortunate enough not to seriously date or marry a narcissist because my father’s actions made me hyper sensitive to any issue or any sign someone gives me. Which is a whole issue within itself! Anyway, thank you.
@roseyannette2030
@roseyannette2030 2 жыл бұрын
I am 63 and feel the same about my sibling. It was only in the past year, after the death of our father, we quit speaking again and for me, it's the very last time. Life is too short for all that misery. I choose happiness and positivity, no more narcissistic crap! I cannot believe how long it took me to decide enough was enough, no more. I wish you the very best and much happiness due to your choice, congratulations! It is not easy but I know you will find true happiness within yourself and thrive! Please Everyone, Be Safe, Healthy, Happy and most important; Be Kind - Kindness Counts. (p,s, being kind does not mean we become pushovers, ever again!)
@wendacox9105
@wendacox9105 2 жыл бұрын
Alice wishing you a peaceful healthy happy future xxx
@TheOmniMic
@TheOmniMic 2 ай бұрын
That statement was made exactly. I don't think I deserve this. Then followed by I will still be here for you.
@elysianfields8461
@elysianfields8461 Ай бұрын
Amazing that so much human destruction can be intellegently summized in a 10 minute video! Narcissism is devastating! Thank you, Dr Magee for sharing these insights! Much appreciated!!
@loro3849
@loro3849 2 жыл бұрын
I actually heard mother tell someone that her goal was to break me, as though I was a was animal. I left home at 17. It took a long time for me to see the reality of the situation.
@independentvoter2448
@independentvoter2448 2 жыл бұрын
Unbelievable! How is anybody born without nurturing instincts? It is possible had you not moved out and she was unable to break you, she might have murdereed you.
@jillmariaplatteaux6083
@jillmariaplatteaux6083 2 жыл бұрын
@lo ro me too left at 17, I never got the love & attention that I needed I am 42 now still single, no kids, always attracting toxic relationships and non committed people. I feel very isolated and no friends. I am social and I get along with many people but all on a distance. It has been a very long and bumby road Sometimes I am so fed up by trying and fighting. What about you?
@michaeldeierhoi4096
@michaeldeierhoi4096 2 жыл бұрын
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 That is also something I can relate to. I grew with an extremely narcissistic mother who had and still has no insight into into her affliction. Trusting others and making friends is hard and yet I'm perfectly contently living alone. I have one good friend in the whole state of NM I see often and might move closer to eventually.
@warrenpuckett4203
@warrenpuckett4203 2 жыл бұрын
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I dumped the toxic momma clone and got a dog. Then I got really selective. I don't understand why those women think I am easy. I play the game until get tired of her brand and the dog and I continue our relationship. The dog is a good judge. After the 3 or 4th time she is around, I watch the dog. If the dog is not with it when she shows up. She is most likely toxic.
@mrchildgrownold3852
@mrchildgrownold3852 2 жыл бұрын
I sincerely hope you are in a better place now
@SpiritedHeart94
@SpiritedHeart94 2 жыл бұрын
My mom’s favorite response to my problems is “try being me”, as if no matter how bad I feel, her problems are always worse.
@meganverne
@meganverne 2 жыл бұрын
YES! you try talking specific about something that upset you and she tells me "do you know how often you do something that upsets me?" but its the same 2 general idea things for the past 5 years so
@patriciamalave5717
@patriciamalave5717 2 жыл бұрын
My daughter put my husband in jail because she lie on him saying that Ihe he rape her she lie God will pushisher her she took my husband away because she was jealous of me and her father realthship
@Harlow_Khmer
@Harlow_Khmer 2 жыл бұрын
@@emmaswain3084 ahhh the classic "one upper" ... Always has to one up your story or compare herself to whatever you're talking about.
@QueenMe2023
@QueenMe2023 2 жыл бұрын
That's so sad. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that from your mother. That sounds extremely difficult. My heart goes out.
@TheReaverOfDarkness
@TheReaverOfDarkness 2 жыл бұрын
When I finally got into the same situations my mother used to complain about, all I could see is how her constant abuse led me to grossly overcompensate and now I give way too much credence to others when I deserve some respect for my work.
@bravosierra1000
@bravosierra1000 6 ай бұрын
Thank you for the calm and clear way you deliver information that is difficult to hear as a person who has just gone "no-contact" with a parent. Wasted many years suck in the narc bubble and was always pulled back into the chaos because of the "guilt" trips.
@marleneg7794
@marleneg7794 7 ай бұрын
He has already wiped out my reputation so that is a kind of freedom. He starts the fire and wants wants an award for putting it out.
@LK-sk2wv
@LK-sk2wv 7 ай бұрын
Very well said 💯
@jessnoble2298
@jessnoble2298 Жыл бұрын
A story - A person began to realise they were being abused by a narcissist and started trying to create distance and boundaries. The abuser contacted the victims close friends and family saying they were worried about the victim and created a rumour that the victim was addicted to opioids and wasn't well. Thank you for this video, creating clarity and educating.
@gribe79
@gribe79 Жыл бұрын
They always do covert acts of garbage… you can’t trust them everything is a lie I’m just getting over my abuse life is changing ..
@nandivanqa-mgijima646
@nandivanqa-mgijima646 Жыл бұрын
I can relate to this behaviour. Thanks to these video, DEEP technique is KEY
@alluringstar5910
@alluringstar5910 Жыл бұрын
I met narcissistic people like that and yeah they made rumors about me but I'm happy I know they r not too happy with their lives.😂😂😂😂😂
@talktothehand2012
@talktothehand2012 Жыл бұрын
Going through this now from a boss. I am respectful but distance myself. Not sure about the rumors but his flying monkeys are coming around. I give him nothing.
@gribe79
@gribe79 Жыл бұрын
@@talktothehand2012 dealing with a Male boss where he is in control that would suck .. feel sorry for you
@FarAway5319
@FarAway5319 2 жыл бұрын
If anyone has to deal with a narcissist, whether it’s the parent of your children, a boss, or someone you have to live with, please create boundaries. Keep conversations short and brief. Do not elaborate. Keep conversations in writing too, which helps when they gaslight you 🤷‍♀️ There’s nothing wrong with you! Your biggest and best weapon is to educate yourself on how to deal with a narcissist.
@emanuel_soundtrack
@emanuel_soundtrack 2 жыл бұрын
i find very sad, but unfortunately our sadness matters first
@sayawolf1061
@sayawolf1061 2 жыл бұрын
Best advice! I've cut out my parents from my life forever. Now I finally can live my life in peace.
@finished6267
@finished6267 2 жыл бұрын
Yep. EMAILS ONLY, with my abusive narc sister, NO phone calls.
@tedankhamenbonnah4848
@tedankhamenbonnah4848 2 жыл бұрын
Wow, sounds like you're talking about my marriage.
@alexlove31
@alexlove31 2 жыл бұрын
@briantaylor709 that too. A record is a record.
@Barryferg100
@Barryferg100 7 ай бұрын
They neever say sorry. They turn the tides blame others for all the problems in the relationship.
@jonmills5097
@jonmills5097 6 күн бұрын
Recently called out a narcissist friend and put in some boundaries and it didn’t go down well at all. I put up with it for too long keeping my mouth shut , but she kept trying to control me and the narrative I followed and I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of calls I received every day and missed calls. I was given everything that was in her head , other peoples private business and opinions , she just tried to swallow my life , manipulate and bully and shame me out of my relationship, she tried so hard and i didn’t fall for any of it I was just quiet and agreeable, in the end I was just so fed up and put in some boundaries that made her quite frankly grumpy and petty. And so i up my game and confronted her and ended up paying the price . Full throttle
@clintbarr5342
@clintbarr5342 2 жыл бұрын
I was raised in a narcissistic family thankfully I've found them all out. Now none of them talk to me anymore, much happier now
@gingw7333
@gingw7333 2 жыл бұрын
I was raised the same. My life became so peaceful starting immediately after cutting ties with them. They all died within a short time of my walking away. Guess they couldn't take it after 60 years of using me as the blame catcher for all their problems.
@christinecarr4110
@christinecarr4110 2 жыл бұрын
You are far from alone. I simply spoke up about a pervert MILLIONAIRE narcissist taking my 3 yr old g.son into a dark closet w/a camera & glow toys 1st time babysitting 1st time alone 1st time @ the house alone as soon as Mommy left. Nobody talks to me now. APPARENY LOTS OF SECRETS!!! Its been hard but THE TRUTH SET ME FREEEEEEEE!!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸 sacrificing their children for $$$$$ Step 1 Im powerless STEPS 2-12 God is not. I do my part 1 day. 🙏 "They wet the bed n blamed the blanket." This video is the most accurate. THANK YOU!!
@djjukeboxhero6491
@djjukeboxhero6491 2 жыл бұрын
@@guntcheck *NARCISSIST DETECTED.
@demonfire6666
@demonfire6666 2 жыл бұрын
Same situation with me..I know what the root problem is with the family..It's from their being sexually abused as kids.. When I bring it up they run like scared kids..It's sad because they have been conditioned to never face and deal with pain.. They're especially my mother are forever trapped in the horrors of their childhoods..They honestly never grew up..I'm upward and onward but still have a strong sense of retribution against my mother for pain she inflicted on me and my father
@janglangmalatang7475
@janglangmalatang7475 2 жыл бұрын
Clint Barr… yeS me as well ahhhhhh 🙈😂
@aquajuwel7098
@aquajuwel7098 Жыл бұрын
I’m 42, male, the best decision I ever made in my life was to cut ties with my mother, I only wish I had done it earlier in my life. In therapy I learned that my childhood was absolutely not normal and that I had grown up with a narcissist with a bit if sociopathy mixed in. I tried to fix things, always attending to her emotional needs, always making excuses. It impacted me very negatively in many ways. The only real progress I have had for my own mental health was when I removed her from my life, 5 years ago now, never going back…….it was like getting rid of a toxic drug, when out of the system I regained my health, both physically and mentally.
@TheAyurvedic
@TheAyurvedic Жыл бұрын
I’m dealing with the same. My mother.
@Want0nS0up
@Want0nS0up Жыл бұрын
It still hurts though. Make sure you are not suppressing pain by substituting other emotions to block out your true feelings. If you need to grieve, don’t stop yourself.
@mairead788-6
@mairead788-6 Жыл бұрын
I just started therapy today..third time lucky...I have her worked out for years but I'm using the therapy to help me keep her out this time. The woman is rotten to the core. I hope I can succeed this time. She's started her smear campaign and making horrible accusations against me to other people
@EddieJarnowski
@EddieJarnowski Жыл бұрын
I have a very similar story. Its a lose lose situation that you will never win. Accept it and go live life. Plenty of other types of winning to do.
@benfoster5387
@benfoster5387 Жыл бұрын
Me too. I just blame women now. They're all the same.
@lingy74
@lingy74 7 ай бұрын
He did nothing and listened to me express my confused emotions that verged on an emotional meltdown and said nothing back. This went on for a while and he ONLY responded whenever I said ‘I’m sorry’ to apologise for my emotional outbursts. To which he would ALWAYS say ‘it’s okay’ to emphasise my guilt and his tolerance. Finally, one day, the penny dropped, and I realised this was him hoovering up those negative emotions as supply. The moment I woke up, I texted him, without explanation, that I had an epiphany and I no longer am suffering and am happy to move on because this clearly isn’t working anymore and it was silly to suffer so much when we’re both so young and have so many more people to date. I was genuinely calm and even said things like, no hard feelings, let’s shake on it. With a smiley face. I ended with ‘Toodles, my little demon 😘’. He blocked me immediately. 😂 and of course, I returned the favour. I’m glad I was raised with a healthy self esteem.
@redmond2582
@redmond2582 Ай бұрын
It's amazing how you describe with 100% accuracy how narcissist behaves. I have known few such people in my close circle, and they all behave exactly how you describe. Thank you for educating us to improving out mental health.
@kevinlogiudice5458
@kevinlogiudice5458 2 жыл бұрын
When’s the last time a narcissist came up to you asked “how are you doing”? Let that sink in. . .
@anabellaparis1
@anabellaparis1 2 жыл бұрын
Rarely
@mko-ai
@mko-ai 2 жыл бұрын
This one hurt. It made me realize that he never asked me that. I always asked him if he was happy, and how was his mind etc. He never asked me.
@ankitadhopte5272
@ankitadhopte5272 2 жыл бұрын
This is so true.
@ARI-wc6xd
@ARI-wc6xd 2 жыл бұрын
They do ask that, but they don't give a shit about it.
@justwatchingstuffhere
@justwatchingstuffhere 2 жыл бұрын
All the time, but the only acceptable answer is good or okay.
@bettyhouk8727
@bettyhouk8727 2 жыл бұрын
Alice,👍👍👍👍👍 I am 85 ,my husband of 60 years was a narcissistic egotistical man with Abandonment syndrome! He passed away in 2017 ! That’s when I felt I was o longer a prisoner! Now my days are joy and sunshine ! Good Luck 🍀 and HAPPINESS ALL THE DAYS OF YOU LIFE !🌞🌈🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻🎄
@MandyRRAh
@MandyRRAh 2 жыл бұрын
My 88 year old mother has been with my 89 year old father since they were teenagers. I think he finally scared her a couple of weeks ago. He started to physically hurt her ( the years of emotional abuse were horrendous) and she finally saw him the way the rest of us do, and put an end to it. I hope. We have been down a similar road before. My family is hoping that this time she really gets it and won't give him the opportunity to hoover and love bomb her back into it. Mum tried to "see it through" with him. It sounds like you did, Betty. I'm glad you are free.
@helenmygdal2368
@helenmygdal2368 2 жыл бұрын
You deserve a medal for staying with him all that time. Enjoy the rest of your days. You will get a reward in heaven!
@ginawiggles918
@ginawiggles918 2 жыл бұрын
I celebrate my freedom day every year (the day my mother died) with a nice treat for myself. It was a long wait for freedom, she died almost 4 years ago at 92. I'm 72 now & every day is a blessing.
@pamelajean1344
@pamelajean1344 2 жыл бұрын
Live long and prosper Betty.
@Theuniverseisstrange
@Theuniverseisstrange 2 жыл бұрын
You seem like a old bag of bones.
@annfulcher407
@annfulcher407 Ай бұрын
The “You did or said something years ago” is very familiar to me, my narcissistic husband, who insists that he never holds a grudge, he always forgives/forgets, has come up with this many times, I am often amazed that he can remember something so unimportant from so many years back and throw it at me when he knows he is losing an argument.
@mjremy2605
@mjremy2605 8 ай бұрын
Oh boy! This sounds so very familiar. You could be saying my story. I was married 25 yrs to a Bipolar Malignant Narc and did not know it. The damage he did to my relations with my parents, siblings, other family members, and even our kids. I was manipulated like a pawn in a chess game. I grieved for all those losses, and I am presently grieving too, for the alienation of my son who has turned into a Vulnerable Narcissist and is very passive-aggressive as well. I've lost my beloved son and baby (youngest of two) and it is devastating and I'm at a low point. I had to let it go. Everything. My parents, my siblings, and family members, who all believed him and not me. I had to let go of both my adult kids who are now emotionally abusive and showing strong Narc traits. My ex had a lot of emotional incest with the kids. Emotional incest is when a parent is not an authority figure for their children with healthy boundaries, but confides in them like an equal when they are still children. I saw this happen so many times. He refused to discipline them for bad behavior and would buddy up with them against me. He confided things to them that should not be shared with a child. He ruined our beautiful kids. So sad. My son moved to east coast. He came several times to west coast and on one visit, verbally screamed at me publicly for 10 mins out of a 15 min lunch, because I spoke to another customer at the same bistro and petted her dog, while he stepped away from the table. He also wanted me to drive 120 miles that afternoon on Halloween, to help him clean my Ex's house. He was furious when I declined. I offered to come on another day, just to see his reaction, and predictably, he was still furious. I had to drop everything and drive 120 miles round trip to clean the house of my bipolar ex, who was very abusive to me. I am in my late 60's and it would be very dark driving back late on an unfamiliar road with cops and kids everywhere on Halloween. Just examine the entitlement in his reaction. I failed as a parent if this is the product I created, yikes! He is the twin mold of his father now, except he is not bipolar and has has a great career, thanks to me. He came again to west coast months later, drove by my house multiple times on work but never visited. He is coming again in a week, and again wants me to apologize for something that supposedly happened 23 yrs ago, but is a fabrication. He was 13 at the time. He is now 36 yrs old. Nothing happened, it is a lie. Maybe my Ex is putting false memories in his head, I don't know. I worked very hard to send both my kids to Ivy League colleges, trips abroad, and gave them a good start in life. Now this. I lost my daughter to cancer a few years ago, and now my son is gone too, I cannot have a relationship with him, as it drains me and makes me so small and sad. I feel so abandoned by him. He was my baby, and I loved my kids so much, my daughter too. I feel so shattered that I lost them both. I know he will never change. Anyway, my focus now is on myself. I have written him off. If he wants to see me, fine. If not, fine too. I am not going to be triggered any more, and going grey rock. I could forgive a lot when I felt that there was genuine love under that layer of hurt. But I see now there is no love. There never was any love. There was no abuse from me. This is all a lie and manipulation. This was earth shaking for me to finally realize that THERE IS NO LOVE IN HIS HEART. It is all about what he wants from me and how he can use me for the next task. I am useful to him, that is all. I did my best as a parent. But he failed me as a son. Now it is time to step away and heal myself. Thank you for the video. Very much appreciated and healing for me. ♥
@proudamerican2133
@proudamerican2133 8 ай бұрын
It's like you wrote the story of my life. Amazing
@niteal1255
@niteal1255 2 жыл бұрын
What is really hard is when you grow up in a narcissistic family and believe this behavior is normal, that is until you break away and get out into the real world. It never gets easy, the triangulation, scape goating, the lying. My only saving grace was thousands of miles.
@hazztv6317
@hazztv6317 2 жыл бұрын
So true.
@the51project
@the51project 2 жыл бұрын
Me too. 5,000 miles away.
@larrys.3992
@larrys.3992 2 жыл бұрын
I was part of a narcissistic family. Mother, brother and three sisters. What a mess! Once I realized what's going on. I am truly free now and at peace.
@bethhenkelman5249
@bethhenkelman5249 2 жыл бұрын
It has taken me 60+ years to realize my mom and sister’s behavior wasn’t normal.
@the51project
@the51project 2 жыл бұрын
@@bethhenkelman5249 54+ years for me - My mother (covert narc) and brother (overt). Father was overt, but died when I was 9. When you grow up inside these dysfunctional families - it's all you know. Went no-contact 4 years ago - wish I'd done it 30 years earlier. They can derail the scapegoat's life...
@ashleygarden6906
@ashleygarden6906 2 жыл бұрын
(8:15) "How dare you see through them. How dare you no longer want to put up with their nonsense." No truer words have been said...mic drop right there. 👏
@whitecollarhater9727
@whitecollarhater9727 2 жыл бұрын
Imagine how much unemployment they create worldwide. Still they get hired...
@wayneelliott1180
@wayneelliott1180 2 жыл бұрын
They. Will. Make. You. Pay!
@whitecollarhater9727
@whitecollarhater9727 2 жыл бұрын
@@wayneelliott1180 they won't if you tell on them. If you keep quiet yes they will. Psychopaths have the fear of getting caught that's why some think it's paranoid schizophrenia it isn't.
@velicad2905
@velicad2905 2 жыл бұрын
RIGHT. OMG. SPOKEN LIKE A PRO!!!
@monicahocking1507
@monicahocking1507 2 жыл бұрын
Yes. How dare you.
@jeffreyjackson5229
@jeffreyjackson5229 9 ай бұрын
I have watched this video for a second time, and it was more enlightening the second time than the first. How I know is because it brought great clarity regarding the conduct of some and even greater regarding others. As always, thank you.
@ZinsWorld
@ZinsWorld 2 ай бұрын
Just subscribed. Literally everything you said hit the nail on the head. Both my parents are extremely narcissistic. Channels like this help me a lot. I appreciate you❤
@jKDC1987
@jKDC1987 2 жыл бұрын
My covert narcissist destroyed my soul. The gaslighting made me doubt my own sanity. The silent treatment was like being slowly cut open whilst being unable to run. The trauma bond I was left with took me nearly two years to get over and was like being addicted to a class A drug. My life was a living hell. I can’t even put it into words. I didn’t know pain like that existed. I kicked them out of my home and cut all contact, it was that or death. After a lot of support from family, friends and professionals I’m now happy again and learning to live with my pain. It’s a journey but please make that first step. I realised that I’m the one with the career, I’m the one that’s kind and has friends. They don’t have anything, you’re a vessel. They don’t love, only destroy. Anyone going through that right now my thoughts are with you sending love ❤️
@sangeetha279
@sangeetha279 2 жыл бұрын
Same here, I couldn’t cut off, it’s how Indian families works, but my daughter did send them running
@vetaanselmo5080
@vetaanselmo5080 2 жыл бұрын
Happened me kicked him out 3 weeks ago blocked him from all devices and social media. Trying to get my mind straight. It's horrible
@Sabrinahallam12346
@Sabrinahallam12346 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you. I'm on the edge. I hate this mother fucker. I'm gonna flip out and jump
@jKDC1987
@jKDC1987 2 жыл бұрын
@@vetaanselmo5080 sending love ❤️
@marlareeves417
@marlareeves417 2 жыл бұрын
Bravo 👏 for you! Don’t look back! Love and live your own life and the fun memories you will create and generate! BRILLIANT synopsis by you! Again 👏 bravo!
@deliadelgado3364
@deliadelgado3364 2 жыл бұрын
My mom is a narcissist and everyone has discovered who she really is and has left her. She acts like the victim and says it's everyone else's fault and sense she feels like she's so perfect and spiritual, she says that we cannot stand the spirit of God within her. As a Christian this is so triggering to hear from her because it's almost like shes making herself God. I've chosen little to zero contact because she knows how to trigger my anger and I don't want to fall into having anger issues anymore, I want my heart to heal and live a life glorifying God.
@Girlonatube
@Girlonatube 2 жыл бұрын
Oh my LORD!! That would NOT be okay with me! Yeah, you DON'T have to be around someone who doesn't respect your beliefs and, in turn, you. And being a Christian myself, I understand the protectiveness you probably have over God, and the obligation you feel to stand up for Him, and the possibility of planting that mustard seed, but sometimes people's hearts are so hardened that they're lost forever. I believe that God understands that sometimes defending Him will make them be even worse and that's difficult for us to withstand feeling helpless, and won't hold it against us to let their words fall on deaf ears. After all, we shouldn't cast our pearls before swine. It's hard to remember (and annoying) they're accountable for their own actions, but we're still accountable for what they provoke us to say and do. Might as well let them burn by themselves and not drag us with them.
@clynn1103
@clynn1103 2 жыл бұрын
Good for you! That is hard to do with a narcissistic parent (I have one), but so much healthier (physically and spiritually) for you!
@markhatfield5621
@markhatfield5621 2 жыл бұрын
My narcissist was a phony christian also, used it to try to distract people from what she really was. an incredible hypocrite, liar, abuser,........
@Ben-rz9cf
@Ben-rz9cf 2 жыл бұрын
Also had a narcissistic mother (and a narcissistic father, but completely different variety of narcissist). It's weird how they use these hollow ideologies to deceive not only others but also themselves. She was a divinity major who left christianity to pursue this weird new agey "inter faith" bullshit because she thought if she made it look like she was accepting of all faiths it would make everyone accept her and see her as like mother theresa or something. Had loads of bullshit self help books like the secret to reassure her of her personal godhood and what positive spiritual energy she had even though she was toxic and manipulative as hell. She refused to take my dads last name and when they divorced she took all his money and opened a charitable foundation under her own name and would force family members to write donation letters for charities they didn't give a crap about just because she had this desperate compulsive need to be seen as generous. Forced her children into after school activities we didn't want to do because it was the only way she could insinuate herself into the social circles of the "soccer moms" or "karate moms" because she was incapable of forming lasting connections without that kind of artificial pretext. And she'd often jet off to india or africa leaving us in the care of this abusive jehova's witness babysitter. Every single generous thing she did needed to be photographed, broadcasted, she'd put the entire extended family into email chains. It was clear she cared only about starving children in africa than her own family--not even that, just being seen with them. And the image she portrayed them as was one part pathetic poverty stricken and one part eat pray love spiritual extortion. Fast forward 15 years and of her three children, one of them is dead, committed suicide after moving back in with her... And the other 2 left the country to go live on the other side of the world and get as far away as humanly possible. Because i'm sure if either of us were still around her we'd both want to just die too, because thats how she makes everyone feel. And as far as i'm aware she hasn't remarried or even had a single long term relationship since she divorced my father. She's just as miserable and alone and unseen as she deserves.
@spiderok8663
@spiderok8663 2 жыл бұрын
@@Ben-rz9cf so sorry for you and your siblings I understand everything you said.
@BridgetR72
@BridgetR72 8 ай бұрын
My favorite part is when you said "they wet the bed and blame the blanket." Brilliant!!
@abscondis
@abscondis 6 ай бұрын
After going no contact with my narc mother several months ago following a telephone conversation where she projected all her character flaws on to me along with false accusations of elder abuse she is no doubt still waiting for an apology that is never going to come.
@puddintame7794
@puddintame7794 2 жыл бұрын
From my experience a narcissist will ostracize anyone they cannot control. Then act out in wrath. They only "apologize" by saying, "I am sorry you feel that way." Putting the guilt on you for your feelings about being abused.
@Roxjetlagged
@Roxjetlagged 2 жыл бұрын
The one I was dating long distance.. We were still in love bombing stage and only had met once and it was very intense... After I discovered lies the first time from info online, he had a very convincing story so I believed him he seemed so sincere and genuine on video call... He apologized then and when I said sorry I blocked you, cuz I thought you had lied about everything.. He said "it's ok, sorry I wasnt as forthcoming" i asked him " you mean about not showing me stuff" (cuz i had asked him to show me some ID as proof and he wouldnt) he said yes and for not alleviating your doubts Probably just a fake apology as later I discovered his whole persona was fake, what he had presented me...
@dtraveler3080
@dtraveler3080 2 жыл бұрын
Just listen in on a phone conversation, they ask about everyone in your life, your friends life, and THEIR family. ‘Poor so and so, they won’t talk to their sister, brother, cousin, or get new underwear, or play with the black bears.’
@MSNYdude
@MSNYdude 2 жыл бұрын
Or “sorry for caring/loving too much”
@ocho27hd
@ocho27hd 2 жыл бұрын
My older brother doesn’t know that I know he’s a narcissist. Since I know that it is really difficult for him to control or manipulate me he doesn’t reach out to me anymore. It’s very sad because we had a tight bond growing up. Knowing him I’m sure he’s still working on a “scheme” to win.
@wendyhart134
@wendyhart134 2 жыл бұрын
I hate it when they say that " im sorry you feel that way" the other horrible behaviour is when they triangulate you and when you start hurting they say " shes just a friend " he made me so ill.
@thereverseuniverse4738
@thereverseuniverse4738 2 жыл бұрын
Sadly, i have stage 4 cancer , and still i have to listen to such cruel comments. Narcissists are actually demons on earth, and a big lesson for the few who are involved with them.
@grandmak9013
@grandmak9013 2 жыл бұрын
🙏🏾❤
@4estdweller4ever
@4estdweller4ever 2 жыл бұрын
But narcissists pet and stroke the people they need on their team so they’ll always have fans who won’t realize they treat some people with utter disdain. They look the other way either because they love being pet and fawned over or they don’t want to be the target. I’m sorry for your situation. I know first hand the loneliness narcissists can inflict on you. Let your Dr know you have someone in your life that is undermining your support system. Maybe you can find someone to talk to. Try not to let them live in your head rent free. You need your energy for yourself right now. 🤗
@Laura-tp8wz
@Laura-tp8wz 2 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry. 🙏🏻
@caragoettsch3758
@caragoettsch3758 2 жыл бұрын
I like your story ; I’ve been married for 14 yrs to a pure narcissist & myself I’ve been planning my escape with out hurting him or his family ; When I had my awakening it was one thing after another , I got to endure this evil scheme 13 yrs & unless I walk away ( it’s hurts so bad ) why ? He has hit me , choked me , scratched my face with his whole hand twisting around my whole face , my bruises were on my neck & cheeks ; why do some folks stay in this evil for 1 sec ? I stayed mainly for so long is because I believed & thought I was wrong all the time & everything was my fault . The person that told me he promised to ALWAYS always make me smile !! Who in the hell told him he was so special?That would be his 3 family members since his 20 yr old age twins boy girl won’t even call or talk to him ; pretty much staying away ; he can’t even admit that alcohol is his enemy! Everything that I point out he turns it around just like a democrat will do !! I’m a theif ? Liar? Moocher? Lazy ? Judgmental? He tells me to have a heart attack ? List goes on & on & on !! We are finally splitting up & I can’t hardly wait to NOT seeing him asleep on the couch where he sleeps every night ! I want peace love & harmony in my life ; this means I WILL be single for the rest of my miserable life 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤔so I married a human that is not of this world !! They are real demons here on earth !
@thereverseuniverse4738
@thereverseuniverse4738 2 жыл бұрын
@@4estdweller4ever thank you so much for your incoureging words..if only i realised earlier the consequences to my life i would have not let ot go on for so long..so its just a warning to others to run fast away from narcissists bec its not worth their lives..
@enigmalfidelity
@enigmalfidelity 7 ай бұрын
My entire family, except for my little brother, is narc. I'm lucky to even have my brother because the narc's almost got him to believe their lies. Thankfully he and I went to a music festival together for a couple years. A few recreationals, and some heavy discussions allowed my brother to see from my angle. To understand who I am, and how the stories and fables are so far from the truth. My little brother stopped contact when my grandmother bit him during a fist fight when he was 16. She owed his other grandparents like $1000 for months. When my brother confronted her, and she said she wasn't going to pay, he said he was going to his other grandparents house. My grandmother tried stopping him. Got physical, and bit him. When I tried moving out at 19, I had to call the cops to escort me off the property, and to ensure my belongings weren't touched. Damn... this brings up some tough memories. More to come....
@user-qe1ql4ky4d
@user-qe1ql4ky4d 7 ай бұрын
I found your descriptions of narcissistic behavior extremely helpful both in their clarity and practicality. In short, your insights of what depths a narcissist will stoop to in an attempt to either reengage or decimate their no longer captive audience is in my experience , completely true. Thank you!
@HeathcliffeJ
@HeathcliffeJ 2 жыл бұрын
I dated a women for 2.5 years in which she treated me like a dog and when I removed her from my life she went around telling the most disguting lies about me. The way I see it is that I feel sorry for the people believing her lies because I was once in that place and now I am free of it.
@kevinparker461
@kevinparker461 2 жыл бұрын
Had pretty much the same, how she would bad mouth previous people she had relationships with & told lies about. Even an X husband got her venom & i worked out most were lies, i then thought this wont end well for me, even her Dad warned me about her history!. I got the hell out & never looked back
@kfl611
@kfl611 2 жыл бұрын
And hopefully wiser !
@juneallan4903
@juneallan4903 2 жыл бұрын
Heathcliffe,"""that happened to me too.so I woke up one morning and thought bugger it,if any of my family or friends believe their lies and not come and clear it up with me,ask my side of things,then I don't want them in my life if their that shallow minded.
@spaideman7850
@spaideman7850 2 жыл бұрын
hope u free from her soon, base on my exp, it Never ends. even when she's dead, her legacies(minions who believed her lies) will go on...
@kathleenjohnson7047
@kathleenjohnson7047 2 жыл бұрын
When I broke up with my son's father he told everyone that he left me because I had become a lesbian. The people that believe those lies either will eventually come around or continue to stay in the dark. The important thing is that you're free!
@pamcampbell6991
@pamcampbell6991 2 жыл бұрын
My sister was the perfect compliant robot for our narcissist mother. However I was not compliant and my mother would fly into physically abusive rages when I crossed her. Her verbal demeaning of me was incredible. I ended up moving 3K miles away and my life vastly improved.
@milesfamilybiz
@milesfamilybiz Жыл бұрын
Yuuuup. Then call the family and say you assaulted them. Effem
@sacrilegeisrealworship409
@sacrilegeisrealworship409 Жыл бұрын
Mine too
@dennisrobinson8008
@dennisrobinson8008 Жыл бұрын
Had to go cross country. I know what you mean.
@chm825
@chm825 Жыл бұрын
Growing up with a narcissistic mother gives a death sentence to your mental health.
@mab790
@mab790 Жыл бұрын
Compliant robot. Good description
@annbow4064
@annbow4064 3 ай бұрын
Ive researched narsissim for 10 years,just found you and this video is spot on about what happened in my life.
@Frenchman27801
@Frenchman27801 7 ай бұрын
My parents were very controlling of me..I was my mom's scapegoat and my dad felt I needed to be their maid and their chef. I moved out of state and came back after 6 years. When I came back, they were so hateful, angry and hostile to me, they even treated my son poorly . ironically, I married a narcissist. Of course I.didn't know at the time. When I told him.that he had.to.go he threatened to kill me and said that he wanted to.slap the 💩 out of me..He did say that he does not know what he did to me and he did go around telling people that I was the one that was abusive. I am glad he is gone. My son wants nothing to do with him . he's gone and I am refreshed. My son and I.are attending counseling and are healing nicely❤.Bless those.that have experienced such things
@mmaries9052
@mmaries9052 2 жыл бұрын
The absolute worst in a relationship… be very careful to anyone watching this that hasn’t been there. I was a victim of this. Had no idea what the hell was happening. I’m an intelligent woman. Being involved with an abusive narcissist is not easy to see at first. Everything you said is spot on. Worst time of my life.
@ewamanda
@ewamanda 2 жыл бұрын
Yep... I married one of these people. They promptly sat their butt on the couch and started issuing orders...
@miapdx503
@miapdx503 2 жыл бұрын
I was seeing a man...as the relationship progressed he tried to be more controlling, so I broke it off. That's when the fun began. 🙄 stalking on a scary level. I stood my ground and eventually he gave up, but that was scary...
@crwydryny
@crwydryny 2 жыл бұрын
Ditto, my ex was a very abusive narcissist and would blame it on her bipolar, or other mental health issues, i go to work she'll clai im not working but sleeping around behind her back... despite comming to my work place and seeing me there, then she claim i was only working because of the girls there (what the 50 year old grannies? Lol) i came home from work one day she had downed 6 bottles of wine, smashed the place up, smashed the oven. Her response when i walked through the door and saw the mess "oops" i told her "I'm going out for a walk, i suggest you leave before i get back" The police had been pushing me to press charges for years, but in my head it was her mental health and she needed help not locking up. I bumped into a guy she was staying with after i kicked her out, turns out she did the same to him, heck she even split his lip and stabbed his legs up with a fork all because he didn't have any alcohol to give her while she wouldn't even give him a drag of a cigarette. Yeah won't make that mistake again
@mmaries9052
@mmaries9052 2 жыл бұрын
@@ewamanda mine had the nerve to “call meetings” when he felt he needed to be heard… lol idiot
@mmaries9052
@mmaries9052 2 жыл бұрын
@@miapdx503 sure is! Here’s a funny one.. mine abused me… I was bullied and pushed up against the wall stuck in my room … one day finally had enough and hit him.., in the SHOULDER because he was threatening me. He proceeded to call the cops on me, and I’m the mother of his son! (A damn good mother too) I’m so unbelievably grateful he is out of my life … for good!!
@evawest6692
@evawest6692 2 жыл бұрын
The only apology I ever got from my narcissist in response to a wrong doing he tried to avoid taking responsibility for was: "I'm sorry YOU feel that way"
@kenvandongen439
@kenvandongen439 Жыл бұрын
Yes "I'm sorry you misunderstood me" Blame is put back on their prey.
@woodyssnake8562
@woodyssnake8562 Жыл бұрын
Because they don't actually understand feelings.. don't take it personal, they aren't capable of more.. feel sorry for them, be greatful you have the capacity to feel and be compassionate.. walk away and live your life, say a prayer for them (they clearly need prayers) then forget it
@NaveDelAmor
@NaveDelAmor Жыл бұрын
Who needs a fake apology? Keep your friends close, but enemies closer!
@deautrs79
@deautrs79 Жыл бұрын
I GET THAT A LOT!! or it's not my fault you took it that way, or your feelings don't matter, I was wronged and you betrayed the family or you tell them that they did something wrong and break it down how they did it and they say ok I did that but why should I apologize?
@yathome5596
@yathome5596 Жыл бұрын
Exactly! In one convo after I had dumped him I went to town on him and told him exactly what I thought about him. He was so angry he reverted to a child like stance and told me to take it all back, he couldn’t deal with the truth about himself. So bizarre but I told I stood by everything I said.
@edwardjohnson7034
@edwardjohnson7034 Ай бұрын
I appreciate your valuable knowledge you give to us. I AGREE WITH YOU. I feel it's important for everyone to know about the Narcisistic-type personality. I am an EMPATH and attract that type many times over. Much as been taken from me.....but through research, I have control from them now. I appreciate the info you give to us so that we Empaths can protect ourselves from the Narcisistic people we encounter. EMPATHS have always been a target for Narcisists, since they lack empathy themselves. There should be mandatory classes in High School on this topic. Anyway, THANK YOU for caring by educating us.💟
@anaicotrim9557
@anaicotrim9557 6 ай бұрын
So true. Seven years ago I went through divorce from a narcissistic cocaine and sex addict and the revenge was brutal. With full cooperation of his lawyers he did everything one can think of to drive me crazy and to leave me without a penny. He almost succeeded. I am not totally recovered from the trauma and the theft yet.
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