Dating a drug dealer…wtf was I thinking

Рет қаралды 358

24 күн бұрын

0.00 Intro
0.10 How it started
0.25 What it was like
1.08 The allure of dating a drug dealer
1.53 Dealers have control over people
2.20 Us together = dangerous
2.27 The toxic cycle
3.19 How it ended
3.39 The depths of my addiction
4.21 What I learned
4.36 Lesson #1: I treat every relationship like a game
5.49 Lesson #2: I was insecure and needed validation
6.40 Lesson #3: I kinda hated myself
8.09 Moral of the story
9.05 What I’d say to my younger self
10.38 How to love yourself
11.54 Conclusion
What dating a drug dealer is like and why I highly DO NOT recommend trying it. But here are some of the big lessons about dating and drugs along the way.
/ @annabarram
About me
Hey, I'm Anna. I live in Portland, Oregon, work in branding/marketing, have a cool dog named Karl, and got sober in October of 2023 after almost getting taken out by my drug addiction. I was in rehab for 2 months when I got clean and have been sober ever since. Thank you so much for checking out my channel. Follow along if you want for updates on my life after getting sober.
Instagram: annatothebarram
Email: anna@lelo.agency

Пікірлер: 19

@RICHARDOCONNOR-s2j 22 күн бұрын

Spending time with yourself is great advice. I'm 56. Still working on that.

@annabarram 22 күн бұрын

It seems like it's a fairly new idea to "date yourself" or spend time with just "you". Like I grew up with the expectation that I should get married young, etc. So it's been tough to rewire my brain to grasp the whole "date yourself" concept. Glad you're working on it too :)

@zackcraft7204 22 күн бұрын

"i spent time with people who hated me a little less than i hated myself" well put, i get it, ugh.

@annabarram 21 күн бұрын

It's so poignant and tragic to realize that was the truth of the situation I had put myself in. I'm sorry you had a similar experience, but it's honestly comforting to know I wasn't alone in that. Much love, Zack! :)

@zackcraft7204 20 күн бұрын

@@annabarram after you leave them all behind have you found you have no friends left, or were any of them your real friends? I have a couple left, people from before of course.

@ThousandairesClub 6 күн бұрын

*as someone who grew up around dealers, i feel you 😂 they can be very charming patrons with unique perspectives* 😎

@annabarram 5 күн бұрын

Oh wow you grew up around dealers??? So you get it!! That's very well put "charming patrons with unique perspectives" lololol...

@EvilestGem 22 күн бұрын

Yup. Drugs are great until they aren't. I could say that drugs are terrible but I did acid when I was younger and it changed how I think about things it was that impactful, and I mean in a positive and creative way. You could say I was changed for the better. There is a context to everything. Anyway, glad you are in a better place Anna. Regarding other drugs I lost all my friends either to paranoia or suicide.

@annabarram 22 күн бұрын

Oh damn, I'm so so sorry to hear about your experience and that you've lost all of your friends. That's absolutely horrific. And I can totally see how some drugs would be more enlightening for some people. I'm so glad to hear you had a positive experience with what you experimented with and that it spurred some creativity for you. :) Thanks so much for commenting and watching, love connecting with you!

@Disappointingyourdemons 12 күн бұрын

Great video. I often wonder what dating in active addiction is like from a woman's perspective. I'm not sure how old you are but don't rush it. There's plenty of time left. You're beautiful, smart and funny and you're worth it. I struggle with the whole loving myself thing as well, as I feel most of us drunks do. I was a huge man whore on this island because I was constantly trying to find validation from women. But we don't really need to get into that. Point is, sober me would never do half the things drunk me did. It's tough but we need to stop beating ourselves up over things we did in the past. As I was once told, you can't build yourself a better past, only a brighter future. Good stuff kiddo!

@annabarram 10 күн бұрын

Awww, thank you!!! That is SO kind and encouraging. I appreciate that so so much! I do think that a lot of alcoholics/addicts struggle with self love and tend to be very sensitive people. It's true, I would not do half the stuff sober I do drunk...that's a good thought to reflect on. Like the amount of things I did drunk and then now being sober having the opportunity to do things I actually want to do and that are true to me. It's such a gift. You're right, there is plenty of time so not rushing it is so key. Thanks again for your comment, it means the world to me. Much love :)

@canadianpeasant3490 22 күн бұрын

Yeah, the trap house/party life was more social and was There for me like a pseudo 'family' (really more like a cult) after my only remaining family member died. Like its understandable to me having sought out bad company, There is no Honor among Thieves and relationships having no value beyond superficial conversations, but each member of the cr@ck cult respectively did their big reveals and showed me what kind of contempt they had in their rotten hearts. That shit can really cause a Heart to rot and turn Stone cold Like im not made for the streets and neither are you, the streets is a cult, how is it not

@annabarram 21 күн бұрын

TOTALLY a pseudo family. That is spot on and so well said/articulated! And I like that you have compassion for yourself because you understand why you sought that out. It makes so much sense and makes me realize I can have compassion for myself for doing the same thing. I've never heard the streets characterized as a cult, but I can see how that might make a lot of sense. So well articulated, my friend. Thanks for your thoughts, they're so insightful and helpful. :) much love

@ShadesOClarity 20 күн бұрын

Hi Anna. Hell, my last relationship was with a woman I met after an A.A. meeting. Of course, it crashed and burned. We don't speak at all now. It was just *snap gonzo.

@annabarram 20 күн бұрын

"Snap gonzo" SO RELATABLE. I'm so sorry to hear that you also had a bad dating experience. It's tough out here. How are you doing??

@ShadesOClarity 20 күн бұрын

@@annabarram I am fine now. Had another bout. This damned disease. I have a video coming tomorrow about it.

@annabarram 20 күн бұрын

@@ShadesOClarity I will keep an eye out for your video. I'm so glad you're ok, I know how deadly this disease is. Can I do anything to support you?? Much love :)