Every culture has those kinds of marriages where the couple just stay together for convenience and stability.

I agree with you on telling the younger generations to date early and explore relationships. it gives them a much better understanding of what they want in life. I'm almost 80, so I've been exposed to at least 4 generations of changes in what we think is the way we should behave. you are correct, it's tough to accept the changes in society as the generations bring up new ideas and actions. to be part of society, you have to adapt and at the very least tolerate the changes. lol

I enjoyed your video. Very informative and honest. Particularly refreshing to learn from someone who is more experienced in life!

I'm glad your being honest about your culture. It's very hard to find people like you in China. I have questions for you. I'll ask you later. Thank you!

Hi Jo, I am found your videos recently and thank you for making all these videos. I enjoy listening to them. Have a good one!

So refreshing watching this video. Thank you, Jo!

Awesome and in-depth video I’ve listened to with deep interest. Thank you for sharing!👌🏽

Hi Jo, wonderful Channel. It's so insightful and clear. Thank You.

An incredible display of a cultural norm. You have helped me so much in my understanding of my Chinese fiancée. Thank you so much for your videos.

Great video and thanks for sharing your knowledge.

I'm American i like your talking about Chinese people I'm learning more about Chinese culture, i work with a lot of Chinese in Las Vegas

Lol! I love your mind, you face and your beautiful hands, they completely hold my attention so maybe one of these days you might stand up and speak to us and we may potentially be bold over!😢❤

Most women would prefer a brand new dress over one that has been worn by many other women . New cars are more valuable than used ones. I don’t think men are concerned about the hymen, they just prefer a woman with little to no mileage.

Hi, I like your podcast I find it very interesting, keep them comming

Your wisdom is greatly appreciated!

Thank you for sharing your honest insight, I lost a chinese girl when she went back to china for a summer and returned only to tell me her freinds didnt approve of her seeing me and she belongs to china. She tossed away a great love and to this day will not talk to me. Didnt even give it a chance to see where it will lead. What a loss...Im pleasantly surprized to watch this video i guess not all chinese think the same way.

I am from South America, living in Canada for the past 30 years. Now i understand the pros and cons, and that nothing is ever perfect.I had my first girlfriend when i was 15 years old, it lasted for two years, and still after 40 years and 2 failed marriages, not a day goes by than i don't think of her, first time i hold her hand, kissed, when we were intimate, was the single most pure and sweet period of my life. And another thing, I don't agree with the statement of " leftover woman or man" most of the most beautiful women in China are above the age of 35 and well into their 65 birthday. I guess Chinese men are missing on a great opportunity of sharing a life with a beautiful, sweet loyal partner. Thank you

Jo, thank you for making this video. It is a comprehensive and honest discussion of the issues involved in the Chinese culture and tradition on the subject. ( I was born in Malaysia, 100% Han Chinese, educated in the British and American systems and live in Brisbane, Australia for many years and yet all the issues that you highlighted and discussed still "defined" my mindset on what constitute the proper behaviour . And if you add the Christian teachings to these complex issues, you then will have "a lot of red lines " to live with. ) It is not an easy situation for the young persons and I think you have done a good job to clarify the issues. Congratulation.

Very interesting. Thank you for sharing

LOL. Your discussion of the "magic" hymen is a discussion we have with one another. Years ago, my friends and I decided, the hymen was either a "trophy" or desired by men with no sexual skills. A virgin implies no sexual experience, so how would a virgin be able to determine great sex from terrible sex?? There are many ways a hymen can be broken other than via sex.....but this is also never considered. Your video discussions are excellent. Cheers, S

im dating Chinese woman right now. she has lots of good qualities, however im a bit lost as far as relationship goes. I understand the dating culture in China is different from let's say USA or Russia (being Russian but living in US last 20 years). What exactly i dont understand is..... i feel like im doing all the heavy lifting. Like, im courting her, obviously paying dinners, im the one to figure out entertainment for our dates, every time we talk on the phone, i am the one to call first, if we text, i text first. Also i pretty much carry the entire conversations, i ask questions. I dont remember her asking me, how i am doing after work...... if im tired..... Never offered to make me a sandwich or anything. I would almost say i am being used for my goodwill. However, when it comes to intimacy, she is the one kissing me, she is the one initiating and etc. I never heard "no" as far as intimacy goes. So problem is. if let's say we were to get married and "BUILD" family "TOGETHER", am i going to do all the heavy lifting for the rest of my life...... or she is going to help with doing some house work, or contributing financial (dont need it, i make enough) or something..... Like, can i expect her to generate some tangible value into the household?

From what I have seen about dating in China it is even more of a Job Application than it is in America.

I had a friend in Germany from Turkey. He told me that he tries to get as many girls into bed before he gets married BUT, his future wife needs to be a virgin!!! I was like "WHAT???". If all guys do that, how would there be any virgin left if that is so important? It was just totally wrong and I felt so sorry for all the girls he had.

Just speculating: Appeal of virginity is the likelihood of possible surprise, freshness and delight of a first major, intimate contact....but surprise, freshness and delight are even more likely in high-quality emotional later events following divorce or such. (Heck, if chatting with you, I would reword to improve the thought.)

I did 1 years in China and loved every minute of it. Same in other Asian countries.

Whole video is like story telling Basically interesting.

3 dates in general and jumping into a relationship is not enough time to get to know someone. One needs time to find out shared values, whether lifestyles are compatible, and if there is emotional maturity between the the man and the woman. I am always suspicious of anyone who moves too fast. It can be overwhelming.

Dear Moon xiao jie, As an old laowai, old enough to be your yeye, I trust you to express your thoughts & feelings on YT, solipsistically.

If someone called me a "left over" I would just respond "better than being picked by you!" Also, those guys want a virgin because they don't want a woman who will compare their experiences with you to other guys. I don't think most people actually think the hymen is that special, if they do that is kinda weird.

So beautiful and good ❤

I know your culture is much different from mine. I seem to find it easy to make friends with Chinese women and even get into a relationship with them. Maybe it’s just curiosity in me I like Chinese women.

Hi Jo Moon.I am Paolo The man that asked you to show more of yourself.That was really wonderful viewing To watch an intelligent kind funny attractive women Open up.I really appreciate that.I am like you a summer baby.So I understand The weather point of view I am the same as you I will be visiting my family in Dublin Ireland on the 31st December.in January I will fly to Philippines and Thailand for the first time for 6 months.Once again Thank you for Funny and open honest video.

Merry Christmas Beautiful 🎄

Do you have a video dating Chinese women in u.s.a. ? she's on a work visa. She wants to get married & live here.

Human behavior is the same across the world,the only difference ,it's call by another name.

thank you i learn a lot my new dearest Friend is 63 and Chinese' I'm 68 white us we only text and translate because I'm trying to learn Chinese; I think we work out the trust issues; she a house worker old school do you or anybody have more advise for me

In my opinion, the virgin thing is not specifically about the hymen. It is more about males feeling insecure about penis size and sexual prowess. If a girl has sex with many partners, you might feel like you are not as good. If a girl only has sex with one person and never talks about it, it protects the man. If women talk about it and say sex feels really good, and another woman has very boring sex, the man might feel bad about it or the woman might be tempted to find a different partner. Also, you want to feel like you are special, that someone else waited for you. Then again, it is very strange that in some cultures men use prostitutes but care about female virginity, thats weird

👏👏👏👏👏👏 very interesting..............but tragic 😞

well something is wrong with me, I keep trying to take out the girl from the Chinese restaurant and she does give, maybe I need travel to china

Pressure from parents actually obscure the value of "purity". The joy of sex with someone whom you love is a wonderful thing. Yet, it is so much more, if one makes that person the one and only. Naturally, it not always works in practice, but shouldn't one aim for the higher?

每一个人的经验都不一样。 我的妻子是一位运动员从山东来的， 我们在一起几个月， 然后结婚。我们现在结婚了23年，也有三个孩子😊

As a man this sounds like a lot of work that I'm paying for. No thanks.

Moon xiao jie, it is a mistake to live one's life for the expectations of others.

Too much expectations… no wonder so many young people are just going “rotting away”

Very hard to date a traditional Chinese woman. They get offended so easy even with the most simple questions. We are worlds apart in tradition and it drives a wedge in the relationship.

I don't think women and older generations who have the stereotype of protecting themselves (not having sex with boyfriends) are victims of the stereotype but are smart. There is a psychological reason as those who have sex with many partners lose their ability to bond. If marriage and kids and family are important, then it's smart. Secondly in marriage if a girl has had many partners there is more chance that the paternity of children come into question. That's not a good doubt to deal with, so society made smart rules. It just takes a longer term view.

so beautiful ❤️

There's a common belief that long periods of dating makes for a better choice in a partner. But data is showing the opposite. In the US the marriage rate has fallen sharply, divorce is high and people report being more lonely and unhappy. We see the same in countries as women get into the workplace and can earn a good living on their own. Seems human instinct is messing things up. Males still have the instinct to be providers and females still have the instinct to be attracted to provider males. The instinct is relative like all human emotion. So females want males earning more than they do and as the female's career earns her more and more the pool of men she can be attracted too gets smaller and smaller. And males feel insecure even with an equal earning female. Result is many unhappy people. There are still some groups of people who have kept the older ways. Some Jewish groups have a dating duration of about 15 minutes. People today think that's insane, but for 99.9% of human history that's basically how "marriage" was accomplished. There's a lot more than the 15 minutes behind the scene. The parents arrange setting up the couple. The 15 minute meeting is just for the couple to confirm there is attraction. The difference is we have redefined "marriage". People use to commit to the marriage, not to each other. Of course a side effect of committing to the marriage involves a commitment to each other too. But the focus was to create a more prosperous life. We have now redefined marriage to be more of a "what can you do for me" type relationship. It's seen more as endless dating, being spoiled, taking each other for granted which of course leads to unhappiness. The primary driver for this mess has been the huge increase in life expectancy. Before 1945 life expectancy in China was under 35. If a person wanted to have kids they had to move quickly. A woman in particular had to be married by maybe 20 and many were married pretty much as soon as puberty is reached. When life expectancy jumped to over 75 people started to feel like they had a lot more time to start a family. Women in particular thought "I can be in university for 4-6 years, start my career for 10-15 years and then get married and have kids for 20 years and then a happy retirement. The numbers add up. Problem is the increase in life expectancy did not change the female reproduction window very much. Many women today start getting serious about marriage as they approach 30 but by 35 they can be have serious problems getting pregnant. Add to that they're seeking higher earning men who have the option to marry younger women and the pool of acceptable males gets very small. I'm an American male, 66 years old. Never had kids. Now I'm getting ready for a move to SE Asia where it will be easy for me to find a great wife who is young enough to have kids and is committed to our marriage...not me, but our marriage, just as I am too. I can provide for our kids through college and her through her retirement. This seems a strange arrangement today but for most of human history was normal. This failed concept of dating for a longer and longer time is now spreading from the West to the rest of the world via social media. And it seems like a better way. But it's the paradox of choice fallacy which is well understood as a path to unhappiness. This is even more problematic in relationships because it's a myth a person can pick a spouse based on dating. Marriage is not dating...though many today get these confused. A person can be a great listener, always helpful, respectful, fun, etc... when dating and then be a terrible spouse in marriage. Or terrible at dating but a great spouse. When we pick spouses based on appearance and fun it misleads us into thinking that will continue for decades and translate into the hard work needed to build a good marriage.

You cannot go wrong with a Traditional Values System.

Do you really think it's unusual that all major world cultures--whatever their differences might be--have valued virginity in a female marriage partner? In other words it's not just cultural "sexism" but has a spiritual and a biological basis for the success of the relationship. Two reasons right off the top: First, simply put, every woman permanently retains a portion of the semen of all sexual partners in her system, and that portion is passed on to every child she gives birth to thereafter. Look up "microchimerism" for a more detailed explanation. No man wants any woman in marriage who does not pass on his DNA--and his DNA only--to their offspring. Second, marriage success rates are vastly higher in men who marry virgins. The pair bonding is strongest in those circumstances. The pair bonding mechanism in marriage grows weaker with each sexual partner she has, and disappears completely by the time she has 5 or more partners. Of course future relationships are possible but both the man's and the woman's happiness in the relationship will be compromised--at least from a genetic perspective. In short, there are biological differences and different mating strategies for men and women. Current cultural ideologies are not based on truth, and as a result in "modern" societies men and women are more and more alienated from each other. Fewer marriages and more divorces are the result, and all "progressive" societies are failing to reproduce at replacement levels. Even if you're not religious, "nature" and "biology" do not care how "progressive" you think you are. If your society can't reproduce with a healthy appreciation for biological reality, your culture and its values do not represent "the future" but rather the road to extinction.

I like how Chinese push relationship in South Africa they lock girl down not to run around 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jo, I will take a Chinese leftover woman as long as she is a traditional woman! Hook a brother up!! .LOL

A key that will open many locks is a valuable key, a lock that can be open by many keys is a valueless lock. they are held to different standards, because they are different and have different purposes. Such is the case with men and women.

I think that at certain points in time that mentality was probably useful. Now it's a bit pasei. The leftover label.

Part 2. Women have access to sex. Men have access marriage and commitment. And if you truly understand marriage and to have a man's last name you especially if a man has chosen you to be at his side you would not be behaving like this and thinking like a feminist. Men and women are not equals, we have different roles and different methods of solving problems.

I've never been a player. In the west every thing is about instant gratification, I call it fast food culture. I am very monogamous. I am totally ok with marrying a gorgeous Chinese beauty queen. I just keep finding the procrastinators.

Growing up in New York State. As a kid I found had a complete attraction to either Chinese or Japanese women. Being black American I thought because they were not white, and watching so many movies and just thinking they were the most wise and fair minded people that ever existed. As I grew older I realised that was just in the movies, I have seen so much racism, disrespect, bigotry and hatred towards my own people. Its really a sad state of affairs because I really thought they were so awesome. I now realise there is hatred and racism the world over against my people. Very sad indeed. I never thought that a people steeped in so much tradition and culture and values would be so inclined

Jo...I would date you ANY time!!! But youre right...Chinese women here in the LA has been difficult as well. 🤷‍♂️

I like your videos. Yet in ne video you said you respond to all comments. Yet I have commented and you never respond so I guess your statement was partially true. You respond to whomever you decide. Selective just like CCP. Yet I like watching a learning

You are so old school...

So alien to me. I'm into being self-sustained, and I'm the one who paid either most or all of the bills. Currently, most. Was married once, didn't work, but I've been livin' with the same sausage casing for 30 years. Never had one fight. I also got sterilised at 19. I consider children annoying, worthless parasites, so. . .

5:40. This sounds like no sex before marriage. I haven't heard anything about having sex. I think prostitution is a necessity.

It seems like you didn’t even want to be in this video by your tone and attitude. No enthusiasm

Umm that’s simpler

Clearly either the host doesn't understand that your purity and modesty is a good woman's most valuable commodity. Just like a man's ability to be a high value high earning man. No man wants to marry a woman with a high body count in sex of men. Men will date you for sex but that's it. Also if you happen to get a child in the process of sleeping around no other man is going to want to marry you and except your child. Because the child is a liability to that man. And especially if that man can not discipline that child when it is needed. It's a bad deal for men. Also if you a woman do have another child for that man in his mind your previous child that he can't discipline is taking resources from his own child. You have to get away from this feminist bullshit. They have lied to women and you are seeing the backlash from us men in the west. #passport bros, # blue book gentleman