How Far Is Too Far Before Marriage?

  Рет қаралды 21,978

Desiring God

Desiring God

11 жыл бұрын

Tony Reinke interviews Kevin DeYoung
www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts...

Пікірлер: 61
@najordan89
@najordan89 11 жыл бұрын
I really like that he used a verse in Proverbs about holding fire without getting burned. I never thought of it that way.
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
But love is sex and love are not dirty and dangerous thing that destroy by mere proximity. Conceptualizing sexuality as something inherently dangerous is incomplete.
@bufacct
@bufacct 3 жыл бұрын
Absolutely unhelpful. Assuming we are coming here because we want to know how close to the line we can get is not even charitable. How many relationships are being destroyed because videos like this imply that we shouldn't even go to dinner on a 'date' because I wouldn't do that with a 'sister in Christ'. My girlfriend and I want to honor God but we struggle with whether showing ANY AFFECTION AT ALL (i.e. holding hands while on a walk) is ok before marriage. I would appreciate some helpful advice from Christian leaders. Not stuff like this.
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
It's all dishonest fodder to shame anyone asking so they don't have to admit they don't have an answer.
@arbretree5463
@arbretree5463 5 жыл бұрын
Awesome video!
@eingram21
@eingram21 11 жыл бұрын
But if you have never had any milk before, even if most people would call the cows milk bad, it will be great to you. I heard a guy ask someone who was waiting until he was married "How will you know if she is good?" His reply- "How will I know is she is bad? I have nothing to compare it to, and I will love it wherever it lands on the scale."
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
That's definitely true, but it neglects the reality that sex and relationships can be improved by diverse experience and experimentation. And if someone is just as happy eating flavorless gruel their whole life as someone with a rich and diverse diet, we don't usually think of them as equal.
@mattr.1887
@mattr.1887 Жыл бұрын
Eingram, by that standard, there is no point in getting married or even existing at all as a social creature. ie, you should just be happy staying at home alone every night, because that's all you know. Don't get me wrong. There has to be a healthy balance. All marriages have their struggles. But physical/sexual incompatibility is waste of time for both parties. You are just setting yourselves up for an affair or divorce. It is not immoral to try to avoid that path by figuring out if you two are gonna be compatible first. Doesn't mean you have to have sex before marriage BUT you should enter marriage knowing what to expect.
@isaacmartin7538
@isaacmartin7538 2 жыл бұрын
That is really really hard
@claytonhutchins1503
@claytonhutchins1503 11 жыл бұрын
I don't think we technically do. Marriage is a creation ordinance, not a church ordinance. Nonbelievers can be married and a pastor doesn't have to do it. It is at the discretion of the human governing authorities to determine their own qualifications for what counts as marriage in differing countries. When two people submit to those standards and covenant to love one another their whole lives, they are married and God joins them together (even if they don't believe he does).
@akshayd5360
@akshayd5360 11 жыл бұрын
what do u mean by not in the position though?
@akshayd5360
@akshayd5360 11 жыл бұрын
ooh yeah cool, chat on inbox :)
@sweetmonkeylove1
@sweetmonkeylove1 11 жыл бұрын
Sure but that is kind of literal minded. Sex is not just about organic chemistry. It is about intimacy. Some people just don't mesh.... My comment wasn't intended to insinuate that a woman may be 'bad' - only that the two people involved were compatible. Each to their own. It takes all kinds to make a world. Cheers.
@isaactheleeman
@isaactheleeman 11 жыл бұрын
And where, pray tell, did you come up with this? I notice that you haven't mentioned a single Bible verse. The fact is that sex outside of marriage is sin, marriage occurs not when two people have sex but when they covenant together, usually in the presence of witnesses and before God. Adam covenanted with Eve before God in the garden, not to mention that the picture of the Church and Christ is the pattern for marriage. You have placed consummation before the wedding! Union BEFORE covenant!
@akshayd5360
@akshayd5360 11 жыл бұрын
yeah, hope it all works out for u bro :D how old are u?
@claytonhutchins1503
@claytonhutchins1503 11 жыл бұрын
God.
@timdiggerm
@timdiggerm 11 жыл бұрын
You know what I wouldn't do to my sister? I wouldn't think about marrying her. So yeah, that's not a very convincing argument.
@mscottster444
@mscottster444 3 жыл бұрын
Show me a verse that says he’s wrong.
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
@@mscottster444 Do you need a verse to tell you that you don't typically consider dating or marrying your sister?
@mscottster444
@mscottster444 Жыл бұрын
@@Grokford well all innnow is in Timontjy it talks about how to treat older women as your mother and younger women as sisters with absolutely purity. But again there not a hard and fast rule. More like can you see yourself doing more than means there’s potential etc. doesn’t mean you have to do it until later of course!
@cadenorris4009
@cadenorris4009 Жыл бұрын
@@mscottster444 Well considering Paul was celibate and single, it would make sense for him to view everyone else as either sister or brother. For others who want to get married, however, it wouldn't make sense.
@krasserami5136
@krasserami5136 Ай бұрын
Bro😂😂😂good AND funny point
@mattr.1887
@mattr.1887 Жыл бұрын
I think virginity until marriage is admirable standard. But let's face it - not everyone is going to achieve that Olympic standard. Just as not everyone is going to be able to deadlift 500 lbs or run a mile in less than 5 minutes. This doesn't mean the feat is not admirable though. You should still strive towards marriage and family, as this is the right direction to go in. But if you have sex before marriage, I'm just not convinced that you're going to hell or that God can't handle that.
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
Scripture never actually forbids pre-marital sex.
@vegetablehead
@vegetablehead Ай бұрын
truly spoken as a cultural/carnal christian. just another excuse for cheap grace.
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
This is so weaselly. Sin is not a matter of degrees, if something is not sin then it is not sin; any similarity is irrelevant. War games are not more immoral than basketball just because they are superficially similar to acts of violence and evil. Sex is not fire, it is not some carefully contained danger any more than any other type of social relations are. And just because something is dangerous doesn't mean that you can or should avoid it entirely. The sun is dangerous to your health but it's no safer to avoid to sun at all costs. Framing, unsinful behavior as "getting away with it" is a dishonest ploy to direct blame at the asker for daring to ask a perfectly reasonable question. Framing it as a question of glorifying God only shifts the conversation from what is sinful to what is not sinful, these are binary categories, we are no closer to an answer just because you flipped the question. ... "stiring up love before its time" is in no way a descriptive moral guideline, it tells us nothing. Framing things as steps in a multipart plan that leads to sin is dishonest and inaccurate. ... You absolutely will regret what you don't do. My gosh there isn't a single serious school of thought in this world that I've ever heard of that seriously advocates that by never do anything and you can't make mistakes. Inaction is just as risky as action. And using sex as an example is silly, it's very difficult to regret what you don't know about. But there are likewise plenty of people who are firmly secure in their decisions to have sex. Not that using popular opinion is a good way to divine biblical principles either way. ... Taking a hyper-literal understanding of sisters in Christ(notably gendered by the way) is stupid. It just is. You know what you also don't do with your sister, date her. My gosh. And this idea that affection or even sex is a marital function- that's not anywhere in the bible, that's just cultural opinion. And acting like dating is any sort of analogue to marriage to begin with is absolutely wild. What do you imagine that romantic relationships should look like? That you're neutral platonic acquaintances and then instantly you become enamored fully-functioning partners? No other human relationship works that way, friendships and even familiar relationships grow from nothing into their fully-fledged form over time. Acting as if people should just make a lifelong commitment before they even dare think of working on any sort of relationship dynamic is stupid and something you can only support if you have a severe lack of self-awareness. Affection exists outside of a life-long commitment and telling people that they should reject any and all forms of affection that doesn't come from that is cruel, it's sick We have no right to demand a permanent commitment before we deign to accept kindness from others.
@mattr.1887
@mattr.1887 Жыл бұрын
Grokford, agreed 100%. I'm all in favor of decency and standards. But you gotta balance it with reality. Not saying you should sleep with anything that moves. But I'm not convinced that Jesus goes off to a corner to cry if a young couple gets carried away before the wedding night. And I agree - you don't dare or want to do it with your "sister". Lol. Of course you should respect her but as a young person you can't pray the lust away forever. The human body just isn't built that way.
@AnHebrewChild
@AnHebrewChild Жыл бұрын
Gosh, I really like your comment. Thank you for not being insane. Cheers.
@sweetmonkeylove1
@sweetmonkeylove1 9 жыл бұрын
Wow really? One year later, I see this tripe in my feed, come here and find I am still subbed and no-one else has made a comment.
@sweetmonkeylove1
@sweetmonkeylove1 9 жыл бұрын
And Issac if you are still out there, this video isn't geared for anyone who was born after the stone age. How about you stop right there and stop spreading crap.
@OscarAndres214
@OscarAndres214 11 жыл бұрын
no.
@Kaff231
@Kaff231 9 жыл бұрын
Good topic question and answer I think when clothes start coming off yeah it's too far
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
according to what standard.
@cledwards
@cledwards 11 жыл бұрын
Only thing is you didn't fulfill the point of your creation in this matter, which is to glorify your Creator, instead you glorified your hedonistic lusts ..which is a form of idolatry. I am guilty of doing the same thing, lucky for us the Creator is full of Grace and forgiveness has been made available.
@claytonhutchins1503
@claytonhutchins1503 11 жыл бұрын
Yes, they *can*, but that doesn't mean they *are*. More than a "commitment," they need to submit to the qualifications of the human governing authorities (as I said in my previous comment). If only love for each other is needed to qualify two people as married, Jesus would have never said to the woman at the well, "You have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband" (John 4:18). Just being commitment to someone doesn't make it marriage.
@joankitchener826
@joankitchener826 6 жыл бұрын
Clayton Hutchins 7
@JoshDurairaj
@JoshDurairaj 11 жыл бұрын
Your question honestly does not seem to be an honest one, but one to stir up strife,
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
Spoken like someone who has no answer.
@SimonsterDK
@SimonsterDK 11 жыл бұрын
LOL
@akshayd5360
@akshayd5360 11 жыл бұрын
Well il do a LOT to try convince them lol but if still no then yeah il say no...well thats in theory, lets see what happens if that does happen haha oh wow really??? only coz ur south nd she's north? well thats...narrow minded lol lol im just a kid still in school so i dont speak out of experience on this particular topid obviously, but from other experiences i would just wait coz I know God will make a way when there seems to be no way
@swimmerfish34
@swimmerfish34 11 жыл бұрын
one thing you have to understand is that, it's a matter of purity for us Christians. You don't believe in God so you go with what is logical to you, but we have to consider the standard of purity that God has set up, and the value of a marriage isn't all based on the sex life, it's love as in die for the other love, that is all you need to know, if that person will really love you.
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
The thing is, that "standard of purity" wasn't designed by God. Scripture never forbids pre-marital sex nor makes any distinction for marriage in that capacity.
@mattr.1887
@mattr.1887 Жыл бұрын
I respect that. We SHOULD have standards. But let's face it - Jesus said that even a single lustful is just as damning as the real thing. No one arrives at marriage without ever had a lustful thought. And even one thought alone is enough to disqualify you in God's eyes, right? So even being a committed Christian, YOU STILL FAIL at that standard just as much as anyone else does. I fully support family. Family is the foundation for society, even I as a former Christian can still see that. But sexual thoughts and feelings are GOING to happen, whether you are married or not. And remember, this alone is NO DIFFERENT than doing it for real by New Testament standards!
@solex4real
@solex4real 11 жыл бұрын
God found out that man was alone, and created Eve, so technically, God Joined Adam and Eve together(marriage).
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
Bit of a logical leap.
@sweetmonkeylove1
@sweetmonkeylove1 11 жыл бұрын
Um no. This is a public forum. I am free to speak as I please. Ever watch a science video? You should hear the creationists. Trust me - they don't hold back. I have been respectful. If I hadn't, the channel owner would have blocked me. Be nice. - You are just looking for a fight.
@sweetmonkeylove1
@sweetmonkeylove1 11 жыл бұрын
"you'll never regret what you don't do" I have made mistakes in life, but don't regret them. They were an opportunity to learn. Of course, being an atheist this video isn't geared for me. My opinion, unsolicited, would be that you wouldn't buy a cow without trying the milk. To spend the rest of your life with someone without fully knowing them to me is folly. I have been with my wife 13 years, married 9. Going strong. All the best, I will leave now. Cheers.
@arkhamkillzone
@arkhamkillzone Жыл бұрын
Choose this day whom you will serve. It is scientifically impossible for nothing to create something. Choose life friend Choose Christ. Only by his mighty name can you be saved.
@vegetablehead
@vegetablehead Ай бұрын
as an atheist, you also hold no room for a final judgement. more power to you. much like pascal, i can't take that chance. an eternal conscious torment frightens me too much. best of luck on your journey.
@zelda0521
@zelda0521 11 жыл бұрын
lol nice one.
@stephjh2006
@stephjh2006 11 жыл бұрын
Sister in Christ doesn't mean blood relation. So he is saying that until you’re married you should look at her as a Sister in Christ and what is appropriate in that relationship. Thing is does this include kissing? It would be inappropriate for me to kiss my Sister in Christ. But I suppose a lot of people put forward no kissing before marriage too, and I can see the logic in that.
@sweetmonkeylove1
@sweetmonkeylove1 11 жыл бұрын
Scratches head. How did I wind up subbed to this channel? Weird.
@buzzbbird
@buzzbbird 11 жыл бұрын
VERY Good video! I especially like his immediate asking WHY are you asking this? Yes, it IS asking how much can I get away with. Jesus said if you look with LUST in your heart, you have already committed adultery! I will highly recommend this video!
@Grokford
@Grokford Жыл бұрын
Adultery against whom? If you first response to a question is to accuse the asker of nefarious intentions you've already failed.
@nimrodius
@nimrodius 11 жыл бұрын
Pretty bad advice.
@OscarAndres214
@OscarAndres214 11 жыл бұрын
he meant sister in Christ.
@isaactheleeman
@isaactheleeman 11 жыл бұрын
"this video isn't geared for me"... probably should have stopped right there.
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