My aunt has one adopted son and one bio son. They always guess my bio cousin is the adopted one because he somehow looks less like my aunt and uncle than his older brother. He takes a lot after our maternal grandpa and my aunt looks more like our grandma so he doesn't really look that much like her but it all makes sense biologically. The adopted son somehow does look like a really tall mix of my aunt and uncle. Him being a lot taller than both of his parents and younger brother isn't that weird though because my brother is really tall too and he is biologically related to this family. We had some taller relatives on that side of the family.

Interesting!​@@DieAlteistwiederda

Lol my parents divorced when I was young and my mum has this bf that I always considered my father (in a sense I’ve always had 2 fathers, which I’m grateful for) and whenever we were out people always complimented how we looked alike but I’m the spitting image of my bio dad and my grandma lol There doesn’t need to be that much of a physical similarity for people to just draw their own conclusions in that sense. Most of the time I just smiled and was happy as a kid either way so win win for me xD

@@MeeshT omg, you could have totally messed with people and been like: “Thanks, I look like my other Dad too!”

@@MeeshT Perhaps it's also because your mom has a type. Lol.

I think some parents believe they own a child not raise an individual

@@Bildgesmythe Exactly.

Exactly. I suggested to my grandma, that I may not have a traditional family. I don't want bio kids, and I asked her how she would feel if my future partner already had kids and/or I adopted. She flipped out, insisting she wanted mini versions of me running around. Good thing none of that has anything to do with what she wants anyway XD

This immediately made a scenario of someone being scared that a vampire will suck their blood and the vampire just says “What is so special about your blood?”

Very nice story! ❤️

Thanks for sharing

me, crying: oh my god thats so beautiful, all they know is love from their parents 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

STOPPP I’m trying to have breakfast and ur making me cry

My heart feels warm and fluffy after reading this!

Congratulations on your twins! I think something’s are just meant to be 😄

Well said and God bless you!

Yep! It makes no difference in our family either. I'm adopted and I'm pretty sure my mom loves my (bio) son even more than she loves me. 😂 She is super grandma.

I’m not sure why but this comment made me tear up. You’re an awesome grandmother!

this works in the reverse too- my grandpa is actually my moms stepdad. i was like 10-13 when i found out but i literally forget alllllll the time, my mom had to remind me several times right after i found out. i had to ask for my paperwork back at a new doctors office recently because i included his diagnoses in the family medical history section, and i didnt even remember until my mom (who was with me) mentioned the first time she met him lmfao. im closer to my grandpa than my biological father... blood will never trump unconditional love!

i love hearing this from someone whose family contains both biological and adopted kids (or grandkids in this case). i'm not sure whether my fiancé and i will do ivf or adopt, and even though i know i'll feel the same about any children i have, i worry that i wouldn't bond as much with non-biological children as i would with biological ones. my grandmother adopted my two uncles before she eventually got pregnant with my dad and, later, my aunt, and i know she has always loved all four of them deeply. it's comforting to hear that from more people, but it's still hard to shake the worries away completely.

♥️♥️

❤️

I hope you are safe ❤❤

Hope you get there soon 💕

as someone who is out but will likely forever be closeted to my biological family, you can have a partner & plan for a family without them!

If adoption is what you feel like you're meant to do, I think that's the universe telling you to go for it! As an adopted person I can confirm that we're awesome.😂 And even better if you can adopt through the foster system. Best of luck to you. You clearly have a very kind soul. PS- My dad (the guy who adopted & raised me, not the sperm donor who contributed DNA & nothing else) was the best parent in the world. I was most definitely HIS daughter, and he was MY father. Your adopted children are your "real" children. People seem to have so much trouble understanding that.

Adoption and fostering can also be quite complicated, though, and the agencies and organizations around it aren't always ethical. It isn't always just a matter of a child being given up or unwanted. I think it's really important for anyone looking to adopt to read stories from adult adoptees about their experiences, and be prepared for it to be emotionally complex and to put the needs of their child first.

@@elizabethroyerjohnson4992 this!! i grew up wanting to adopt because i just knew for whatever reason that my body is not meant to create another person. turns out im trans and have a lot of of health issues, so pregnancy isnt even an option anyway. but the more ive heard from adult adoptees, the more ive felt like adoption just isnt on the table. most adoptees come from families who love and want them, but dont have the funds or other resources to provide a healthy environment for a child. now i think fostering, a guardianship, and/or just helping out a family thats stuggling with childcare would be the best bet- all i really want is to be that person i needed when i was a kid (i was almost put into foster care), and i dont have to adopt for that to happen. i spend my energy making sure the kids already in my life have everything they need so that no more kids end up in the system. we still have a parental sort of bond, except the kids will grow up knowing they were wanted and loved by not only their birth family, but also by that one cousin/babysitter who has no legal obligation to them but does it anyway because theyre just worth it

@some dude That’s exactly how I feel! I’ve always wanted to adopt because I want to give a kid who already exists a more stable childhood than I had, but, now that I’m getting closer to that time in my life, I think (partially because of ethics, partially because of my health issues) that fostering or mentorship might be the path for me. I’m actually doing my PhD on the ethics of different modes of parenting! Edit: I realized that the former second part of my comment was chaser-like. I'm sorry, and I deleted it.

This is me to a t. My little brother was adopted when I was very young, about 6 or 7, and he was just 1. The adoption system had such a profound effect on me. There's nothing that can make my brother any less my brother. That's just how family works.

I relate to that. I'm also biracial (half white, half Nigerian) and now that I'm an adult, I can understand that my immigrant parent really wanted to focus on making me American because that's where I live and that would make life easier for me. But it still really sucks knowing what I've lost out on and that even when I do try to learn more, I feel like I'll always be more I'd a tourist looking in instead of it being a natural part of who I am.

My two cousins from China were brought up here from a young age. My aunt and the groups she went over to China to adopt both times still got together and went back to China as the girls got older. They had Chinese class and learning its history. They are both grown up and my aunt knows more Chinese than them, they are American. The older one prefers to live in la as there are more Chinese people there than in Kansas. The younger one married a Mexican heritage but born here man. Their kids will have multiple cultures to learn from. Opening the mind to different cultures is important to an open mind. They are my cousins, just from China, more like my dads side of the family ss my moms family was closer to us.

It's fascinating hearing your perspective, thank you for sharing. I feel that this is very much as "grass is greener" type of thing that biracial or multicultural people face honestly. As someone who's Swiss-Filipino and who identifies strongly with both cultures I always actively sought out to learn things about my Swiss and Filipino heritage as a child, I suppose a predisposition to really loving history and learning helped a lot with that. I would learn history, seek out language and dialect lessons, cook recipes and try to visit as often as I can , and it really helped me connect with my cultural heritage- but even then, I have never, ever truly felt like I 'belong' to a specific culture, even if I grew up in both of these countries. No matter what language I speak, or how I dress or the fact that history and culture wise I most likely know and resonate more with my heritage than most average citizens of my countries because I so actively immersed myself there is always the feeling of being 'other'. Not really an outsider, but not quite a seamless stitch in the tapestry so to speak. I always joke round that I'm too Asian to be European and too European to be Asian but that's actually something that I've grappled with for a long time. As I've grown older I've learned to embrace the differences and celebrate the uniqueness of being such an odd melting pot of a blend of cultures and traditions, but that did take time. I would be bullied in school when I was a child because I looked too 'white', had to carry around a letter explaining that "oh well yes I'm half European you see please don't send me to the principals office for detention I haven't dyed my hair brown it's naturally like that" and there were just a lot of moments that made it feel so surreal to be someone of multiple cultures. Rupert is in great hands, I hope he gets to connect with the aspects of his heritage that he wishes to in the future and celebrate the parts of him that make him unique, because in truth that's what coming from multiple heritages is about, being a blend of generations of history and culture just waiting to be discovered.

i hope this is okay for me to respond to given that i am white but i'm also jewish (i'm considered full jewish bc of how jewish law works, but only one side of my family is (white) jewish, the other is white gentile) and i really relate to what you said about feeling disconnected from culture + a disconnect from half if yourself and wondering what you missed out on. my jewish family was so assimilated to be culturally christian when they moved here bc of the US's cultural christianity + antisemitism and i have those exact feelings of wondering what i missed out on (going to hebrew school, having a b'nei mitzvah, celebrating holidays, even just learning more about my jewish ancestors). i've been trying to reconnect w my heritage which is good but it also makes the years i lost more prominent to think about if that makes sense. completely agree that it's wonderful jessica and claudia are going to help rupert learn about all parts of himself + his culture!

@@ezra1528 Hi! My situation is different, but I can relate. I am American and so is my dad, but my mom was born and raised in Jamaica. I grew up in the deep south, with no relatives besides my parents, so I had relatively little exposure to Jamaican culture. Like you, I feel that I missed out, but I am going to spend more vacations there and strengthen my family relationships. Anyhow, I am in the process of converting to Conservative Judaism and the classes are phenomenal. Some classmates have Jewish lineage but were raised in secular homes, similar to your situation. The mix of history and traditions is fun and interesting (also very different from academic courses). So, consider joining a similar class locally or remotely. 😊

I have a roommate that I call my bonus kid with a similar family situation, and I couldn't love her more if she was biologically mine. I often wish I had met her sooner, but mostly I am so grateful that she is in my life now.

Both of you sound like wonderful “second” mums! (I think the second is unnecessary cause personally, mums are born out of love rather than blood-related). I’m sure they’re mad grateful to have mums like y’all.

Our friends marriage ended and he received custody of their two children.We helped him raise them and to this day they are still the children of our hearts. We have been friends with their father over 60years .

I call those my "borrowed" kids... They borrow me as their spare mom, and know that my space is a soft and safe place to land whenever they need it. I love my borroweds as much as my birthed kids! 💜

my family actually has a similar situation. one of my brother's friends from his last few years of high school had a rough family situation. his mom moved across the country with his little sister after he turned 18 and didn't offer him to go with them. he was basically living out of a crappy closet in a college house for years. he started coming to all our family holidays soon after, and shortly before covid when he was already around 22, he moved into my family's house and he's been there since. after i moved out, he got my old bedroom to himself and my parents nag him like they've done to my brother and i since we were young. it's kind of funny to explain to people "no yeah i kinda have a second brother now but he's not legally part of my family, he just lives with my family and he didn't move in with us until i was already 18 even though i've known him twice as long."

Bumping this so it makes top comment

Best of luck to your sister and her girlfriend! I'm sure you'll be an amazing Auntie

but why...

Same!

@@kr5003 Some people find kids annoying or themselves to be not suited for parenthood. Also, some people find the climate crisis to be so bad that they think that not reproducing is the best thing that they can contribute to the world's well-being. And even without all of that, you can just be neutral & uninterested in a topic, you can feel like you have so much opportunities & a child is too big of a responsibility & they take you further from accomplishing your dreams & desires. I think there's nothing wrong with being childfree by choice. There's too many people, who grow up with unloving or bad parents, in poverty, dealing with bunch of traumas. A person, who thinks about it & decides they don't want to reproduce is a responsible, self-aware & confident person. If you think about the other parts: Yes, same sex couples can have families, it's the 21st century & even animals raise kids in same sex companionships. For being a cool aunt, who doesn't want to be one? I want to be one for my brother's future kids.

@@kr5003 like the above comment says, there are lots of different reasons people decide not to have kids. It could be medical, financial, or just not the lifestyle they want for themselves. A lot of people struggle to understand this because for people who want kids, parenting is the most amazing thing! But for others, it’s not something they feel is right for them, and all children deserve to be wanted and loved. :)

In their baking series she talks about having her mother's recipes so I think on that front they're ok

I think in this situation, it will be pretty obvious to Rupert that he wasn't conceived naturally.

@@katfoster845 He has two pretty incredible mums from what I've seen so I'm not worried about that little man! My comment was for other people watching who might be considering adoption or a sperm donor and/or IVF (or whatever else) & aren't sure when to broach the subject.

But not too graphically. I experienced what I recognise retrospectively as "covert sexual abuse" which included knowing EXACTLY how babies are made from a very inappropriately young age. Keep things clear, but age appropriate!

@@trollsneedhugs My parents somehow found a very appropriate picture book for kids (I remember it *vividly* lol) and that was back in the early 90s. I'm sure there are books on this subject now for literally age and situation imaginable. Which is awesome. I love that it's far less taboo.

Hard agree. I'm adopted and have always just known. It's a fact like my hazel eyes and brown hair. I can't imagine having that hidden from me and finding out later.

I know right! I was tearing up at this too! So beautifully said.

I loved the way you phrased this.

Big huggg to you TweeTwee. I understand your feelings so well.

@@niencat thank you♥️ I REALLY appreciate it.

If you raised them then they're your children. I'm so sorry they were taken from you, and you from them

Please take strength from the people here on this board. I wish that you can have all the children safe in your life. Best wishes.

I'm so incredibly heartbroken just reading this. Who the hell tells someone to hand back their adopted children... Best of luck with the custody battle, I wish you a lot of strength.

Honestly it's not that different to someone adopting a child. My oldest cousin is adopted but he is still 100% my cousin and his children are my great-nephews and nieces. He isn't any less than my bio cousins just because we don't share DNA. He is my aunts and uncles child just like his younger brother is who happened to have been born to my aunt and uncle.

@@DieAlteistwiederda Same situation here. My adopted cousin is my cousin for life. Blood couldn't make that bond stronger. It *does* change things, but only in really cool and interesting ways. Like she recently met her bio siblings and I was so jealous. She has an awesome, interesting background. And we make jokes about her being our Italian (the rest of us are Latino). She's so special and precious to us even though she's a bratty teen currently lol.

Yeah, I have a young cousin who is technically my “aunt” (don’t worry it’s just a big age gap between sisters. 20 years I think? no incest or funny business). But of course I’m gonna call her my lil cousin because she is one and has the family role of one. Just imagine me calling a 10 year old aunt. Ha ha.

A lot of people are finding out the deep dark family secrets via those DNA sites - fathers learning none of the kids are his, kids learning that the aren't related to their siblings/parents, etc. People need to be open about things because like you said, it will come out eventually and it can ruin relationships either because of the total lack of trust, or if the issue was something like cheating, etc.

I found out I was donor conceived by accident when I was 19 and I really wish my parents had been honest with me and my brother when we were younger. It really knocked me for six and still does nearly 9 years later. Glad your parents were transparent and it was a bonding experience for you and your dad :)

You are so right. Families come in many different ways. It would be wonderful if everyone learned this.

I love the diversity of families now. My dad remarried and had my half-brother, and because we haven't lived together and have such an age gap he feels like a younger cousin or nephew. And he's friends with and the same age my brother's step-kids.

@@veelogation3890 Yes! It's a beautiful thing! When I met my biomom I learned I have 3 beautiful biological sisters (one is a decade younger, two are two decades younger than me). My husband also has a similarly diverse family but his siblings are much older (so he became a great-uncle in his 30s). Families come in all shapes and sizes, and there's no wrong way to do it as long as everyone is happy. It's just more family to love! And my upbringing really helped me understand that some friends *are* family, because blood really has nothing to do with it. It's about love & support.

mama always said parents are the ones who raise the children, not the ones who conceive em

As far as I can tell, humans have always had that silly fear. It's the same reason monogamy became the legalized norm throughout most of the world. People feared it would be impossible to love 2 partners equally or love a child that wasn't biologically theirs. It doesn't have to be that way. Love is limitless.

I had a friend who was an only child. She would go on about how much her parents loved her because she was an only child. She couldn't understand that my mother loved me as much as my 4 siblings. She would go on about how too bad and sad it was when a friend had a second boy, because she didn't have a daughter. And my friend wasn't above saying these things in front of anyone that had this situation. She was loving to her family, but didn't seem to understand that one could love more children by birth or adoption. Families come in so many forms, and it is important that everyone learns this.

Yes love isn't like a pie, you don't run out of slices, it's like a gas, it expands to fill the room you make for it.

I love this. My brother and I live with our parents as adults, and I've recently become a single mother by choice. The relationship you're describing with your niece is basically what I hope my brother and daughter will have.

You have a wonderful family. Much love to you all.

I have EDS and I was told not to have children but I ignored that and I had 2. I had pain killers all through and both of my children are fine, they are now adults. Neither has EDS luckily.

❤️ great comment!

My niblings are IVF babies due to their dad's chronic illness! (Their embryos were... made..? At the same time but they were born two years apart, science is so cool!) They are the best little humans I have ever known and their dad is the best dad, he loves hanging out with them and they adore him. Your partner will be fine. It's scary and I think natural to worry about but he will love the baby and the baby will love him back.

❤️

What’s it like being a lesbian in Korea? Is the average person accepting?

@@sari9645 definitelyyyyy not unfortunately .. i’m only out to two of my friends n idk how my parents would react so i’d only ever consider telling them after i’ve moved out

You can definitely have a baby that is related to both of you of one of you carries the child and the other donates her egg.

I lost my Mom 2 months ago, we took care of her for the last 8 months of her life. It was so hard, but like you said, we were glad we were there for her.

I had EXACTLY the same experience when my now 7 year old so ln was a baby (and still do). I'd be pushing him in the buggy and people would gush about how cute he is is and now much he looks like me. He looked NOTHING like me, I am very pale skinned (Scottish and polish), blue eyed and blonde hair, as well as skinny and average height. My son was literally the opposite, got his olive skin from his father who's partly Spanish, very dark eyes and brown hair and he was a HUGE baby. He was born 9 1/2 lbs had huge hands and he actually had broad shoulders, the whole family just looked at him at the hospital when he was first born realising immediately he's gonna grow up to be very tall and very big. His father's 6ft 3 and like his family very broad. Though I'm not sure which i preferred, people gushing about how he looks sooooo much like me when he clearly doesn't, or people saying something along the lines of .... "Awwwwww, your baby is so cute, he looks NOTHING like you!" Ummmm thanks! Nice to know my genetics didn't Infect and ruin his looks!! 🤣🤣🤣

I agree, I think people are always trying to find “connections” between people.

This reminds me of when I was out with my wife and her mother (so my MIL), and an old acquaintance of my MIL ran into us and was like, “Oh wow, your daughter looks so much like you!” But she was talking about me! Apparently I look more like my MIL than her actual daughter does. 😂 (I don’t actually, but people really do just see what they want to see 😜).

@@laurengallagher5137 so true! When I was first with my Wife, my Mom struggled with caring what other people thought about us. She used to introduce us as her daughter and her “other” daughter. That caused comical confusion as people could clearly see we were not acting like sisters. 🤔