I am ENTIRELY cynical and disgusted with mankind. Yet, you are a rare gem of true honesty, decency, and wisdom...and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your brilliant insights and sincerity to help others!🙏

1. Anger : in the moment, appropriate for the situation 2. Unhealthy/inappropriate/extreme anger 3. mix between 1 and 2 : old built up and in the moment

You, Daniel, are GOLD of youtube. One of those channels I feel so grateful to stumble upon. Thank you for all you do!

This is absolutely true. People pick up on clues and can instinctively tell if you’re a person they can fuck with or not. As I worked more and more on my boundaries, I noticed that a slight change in tone of voice of expression on my part now would immediately convey to most people that I’m not to be fucked with. And I used to be a giant pushover.

Idk why i didn't notice it the first time but the observation that anger that cant be directed at parents or bullies around you gets directed at yourself is brilliant.

Just 2 days after watching this video I was able to recognize a situation where I felt healthy anger. And I cut that friend out.

When you are dependent and can't fend for yourself you're not allowed to be angry. I remember the first time I rented a room and paid rent for it. Most of my money was gone but it was such a good feeling to know that I couldn't be thrown out just because I didn't have the right look on my face or allow someone to say abusive things to me. (With a smile on her face and a laugh - like my mother and sister did.)

I used to be a person who didn’t know how to deal with my anger. I either suppressed it or lost control of it. And since I started my healing process, I began to face my anger more honestly though deep down I still saw it as an ugly emotion. Nevertheless, what I also realized was my anger disclosed parts of my true self little by little. They are versions of me that have been abandoned for too long. Now, I am learning to use my anger as a motive for pushing forward. Anger will not be a monster as long as we know how to work with it. That’s my personal experience.

You explain this so well. Especially how we have to become dysfunctional in a dysfunctional family, repression, dissociation, etc., but then we unwittingly bring it forward with us in life, recreating the dysfunction. Until we wake up. Bravo.

My anger got buried too.

It's hard to be a human among other humans. You must learn to express everything correctly: anger, fear, love...every emotion. If you express it wrong - problems follow.

Anger is just below the surface of my personality...but I am _aware_ of it and I have introspected its origins. Anger is an energy.

Literally spoke with a friend about his anger issues last night and here you are with the most relevant video ever for him! Thanks for all you do Dan

As a child I remember faking anger because I remember that people would benefit by being angry. I didn’t have an angry bone in my body as a little boy, I had to fake it. But I had one heck of a self-defense mechanism built into me, and it didn’t take any thought to use it.

This guy has the inner eyes of compassion.

Boy can I ever relate to your relationship to your own anger! I had to stuff it down for my entire childhood because it wasn’t safe to defend myself at the time, so dissociation was the only option. But like you said, it’s still there under the surface just compounding and accumulating…and the underground lake runs deep, the reservoir is massive! And every once in a while the levee breaks, it reaches a critical mass, and the pressure valve blows open and I explode in RAGE over something trivial or that’s not such a big deal in reality, but I’m raging about all the past hurts and injustices and taking it out on this unfortunate person in the moment. My wrath and fury erupts in so much disproportion to the current situation, and I look like a hostile unhinged freak! And then afterwards, I feel bad and guilty and ashamed and also hideously emotionally defective…pathetically socially inadequate… terribly character flawed…bad, evil, monstrous… And when you never got to express anger and have zero practice showing anger in a healthy or effective way, you don’t know how to handle it appropriately or like a normal person would as an adult… hence the menacing… Poor parenting has long lasting impacts that really can impair a persons life when they grow up. Relationships in particular are incredibly challenging and I feel hopelessly inept at times.My emotional stuntedness definitely hinders my ability to get along in the world, and it’s so embarrassing sometimes following an episode…

My parents and my older brother wanted absolute obedience, to the point of even my thoughts had to be aligned with their desires. And they demanded, harangued and beat me until I acquiesced. I was adopted at the age of 6,so they had some work to do before I was broken, but they did break my will. And that took almost 40 years of my life to get past. I'm 50, and started waking up from this about 7 years ago, gained even more freedom in the past 2 years as I discovered Red Pill ideas

You are so helpful to me. I feel totally seen for the first time in my life. I’m one of 12 children. Blended Mormon family. I can’t begin to explain my gratitude. Thank you

Thank you Daniel, this is great. When I encounter historical anger, one of the ways I process it is to imagine my boundary all around me (eggshell shape) and that the rage coming out is pouring directly into that boundary, healing it and strengthening it and repairing it. Then the anger is not inside me anymore, but also not going out and hurting anyone else. It's at the appropriate place - the boundary that was violated in the past. This makes that old anger very manageable and it feels SO satisfying to do this practice. I learned this from Karla McLaren with her work around emotions.

I’ve dealt with a lot of shit with my immediate family too, and a lot of that resentment did burst out roughly the same time this video was uploaded. Thank you so much Daniel. I will really try to channel my energy towards something much much greater!

In my culture we often repress our real anger and have disproportionate outbursts of anger frequently, and recipient of such anger would repress to maintain harmony and outbursts his or her internalized against vulnerable people in our lives, specifically children, the elderly and the dependent.

The biggest trigger for my C-PTSD is being a party to other people's anger, ie in road rage, etc., or especially now with witnessing COVID-ragers. Likely because my dad was a "rageaholic" that was always directed at me! But I am now able to see anger from different perspectives after watching this video. Thank you for sharing.

Buried anger, and kept there implodes: deep depression and beyond

So I do this thing where I have an idea and then I search the internet to see if anyone more professional than me has already said it... which is how I found your video about the idea that stockholm syndrome is happening in basically every family dynamic there is. Anyway, i just wanted to thank you for making these videos. Each one is more relatable for me than the last as I continue this journey of forgiving my parents and doing twelve-step work which had been helping me negotiate these healthy and unhealthy resentments that sometimes get tangled up with eachother in my daily life. Thank you!

Past caring what people will think of me or like me. No longer smile first. I push back hard only to discover that they are bluffing…and then back down. I am in my power and it goes a long way to a place of inner calm.

It is interesting when you talk about the mixed anger. I have had coworkers who I know had been bullied or I think have been bullied and they would sometimes have what I thought were total overreactions when they felt talked down to, when that was not the case or intention of anybody. They would read some hidden insults into what was said or if you told them something like you were busy and couldn't talk, they would take that as "shut up you are not important". I can understand how that would come from having been bullied. Having been talked down to, having passive-aggressive and toxic pokes at you and so on, that you would think it was happening again when it really wasn't. Fortunately, it was possible to clarify that no such aggression was meant and move on from it in these cases.

I have a lot of suppressed anger that I turn in on myself and turn into self hatred. I sometimes wonder if that wasn't one of the drivers of why I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 48, like the body keeps score. Have you ever done a video on what effect suppressed anger and other symptoms of childhood trauma can have on physical health?

Dear Daniel, you are so special--I wish I could express that in a more profound way. When I watch your videos, I always have a flood of thoughts and memories and feelings. This is the flood now: When I was growing up, I used to go into my room and cry a stifled, agonizing cry and beat myself in the head. Slap and hit. No body knew I was doing that. No body saw this until in a relationship as an adult. Even though I understood a lot of what was going on around me, and to me back then, and that the people around me were very sick, and I had an ability to intellectualize so much, I couldn't understand why I was doing that. I thought, why would any person hit themselves? I thought it seems like the act of someone who doesn't like themselves. But I don't hate myself, I thought. I can't see that I hate myself. So, why is it then, I thought. I couldn't come up with anything except I thought I am in so much pain that it has to go somewhere. I always rejected the idea that I have self-loathing. I considered it some kind of 'base' feeling--I thought it meant that I was self-absorbed to feel that way about myself, and I thought it so unwise, and how could I be so unwise, on and on. Because of the judgements and so-called intellectualizing that I made on my self, I couldn't see parts of myself straight. The truth of what it is. But, now I can observe more clearly--I seem to have self-loathing. Now I am 47, and I can start to see it. I don't hit myself in the head anymore, but I can notice so many thoughts towards myself that are very harsh, but I am so used to thinking that way that it has just been woven into the fabric of how I exist. Can't unravel it til you see it. Took a while. My mother said to me when I was about 12, "You use the word 'I' too much." Boy, that was a good one! A glimmer of that feeling is creeping up now, but I will allow it....Thank you for the most true, direct, thorough, profound insights I have come across from another person about all this painful stuff.

My psychology teacher back in high school was amaized to hear I considered myself a bad person, because, usually, even the vilest of people consider themselves good.

In my own healing journey, I've found your videos immensely helpful and inspiring. Thank you for your honesty and fearless openness. So much of what you share about your path resonates with my own. Thank you for your work and films. Standing at this diverging path ahead, the inner work and self therapy has helped choose the direction that is going to be most beneficial. It's comforting to listen to your story and feel validated in so many ways. Often it's not the validation of a well meaning friend or a paid therapist that means the most to us, but hearing someone else who has been there.

You are the best ! I honestly think I respect you the most out of all the people I’ve ever known ❤️

This is insightful & helpful. I occasionally struggle with anger. It’s a feeling I do my best to avoid at all costs. From time to time, I used to see it as evil, & I did everything I could to smash it from trying to exist in myself. ~ I also see how contained anger evolves into depression, and chronic illness or accidents. ( As a way of punishing myself - especially since I believed that anger was ungodly .. ) However, I have been experimenting with experiencing anger, allowing anger, witnessing anger & finally expressing anger. In small, infrequent doses. It’s sort of like my program to train myself to be comfortable in the presence of anger. To not freeze and /or run away. ~ These days, there is a lot of venting & total strangers feel it is acceptable to confront me in the street. I do my best to process from within myself. Because I don’t want to engage, & entangle with anger, especially since it’s connected to their old history, it’s not my job to be any bodies’ sparring partner .. I have other things I want to use my energy for. 🤗 Thanks for a great discussion !!

Thanks for the great content bro. The more I learn about mental health the more I hear how it all comes back to the reactions of the parental or adult figures prominent in developmental stages of infancy and childhood. I know people blame a lot of unhappiness and use it as a reason to adopt a victim/doomed/apathetic mindset. Thanks for being so honest and open with your reflections, it's nice to hear a guy talking about this stuff. I'm slowly learning that the numbness, unaffectionate, dissociation state that I fall into now and then has a reason and that it can potentially be remedied by compassionate and honest self reflection.

So true. And yet, I think one thing you left out is...anger we feel not so much by being violated, but by being ignored. Sins of omission against us, rather than sins of commission. Love removed, love withheld, frequently being ignored and overlooked and rejected. You feel like you're being stepped on. It took me a long time to see that as a violation, but it was. It's like lancing a pustule, an abscess, and draining the abandonment wound.

Thanks for this video. As someone who has always had anger and really never in the past knew how to appropriately express it, I can really relate. Only very recently, at 50 years old am I finally learning how to deal with my anger and when to express it appropriately. Like you mentioned, untangling old anger that I was not allowed to express from current healthy boundary setting anger triggered by just dealing with people that don't have clear boundaries, or at least think that they do not have to have clear boundaries or respect when I deal with them, can be a very tricky thing.

I always thought I had anger issues from growing up in an environment where I wasn’t valued,presents always shutting me down,sisters abusing me physically and mentally. Yet for some reason I was detached from it and everything I do is driven by aggression. It works for me.

When I listen to Rob Dougan's music I realize I'm absolutely furious at the 'world', but the anger is so deep down there in the unconscious I don't have access to it directly in my day to day life. I'm the kind of guy people think of as innocent and harmless....but that's just on the surface. If someone were to deeply wrong me at this point, I probably murder them....

I really like the metaphors you use when you share your experience and thoughts. Thank you Daniel. Best, Yang

I need a cigarette after this one! Whew!

I have been forbidden to feel anger by my parents since early childhood. That was always deemed wrong. I was bullied in school since day one, and I wouldn't be allowed to feel angry for it. Speaking of the topic today when I'm 41 years old with my parents or my brother always comes to a same end: I'm in the wrong if I feel angry about anything. My sister somewhat understands anger as a feeling but she doesn't approve mine. And the only times I've seen my parents ever get angry have been situations they were angry at me for losing my temper. Earlier today I spoke with my brother about this, yet again. He always tries to convince me that if I had no ego, or any sense of self respect or self worth, I wouldn't feel anger. I tried to use as an example a scene in school when he was bullied in recess and I saw that. As his older brother, I thought I needed to defend him, and I did. I threw the bully of his neck and told him not to do that again. Pretty normal situation. What my brother questioned was that why did I feel I had to defend him, even though he was pinned to the ground on his back and the bully tried to punch him. I said that you are my family and I defend my family from any threat if I can, because I think it's an honorable thing to do. His reply was that families shouldn't have that kind of honor, or pride, or whatever. What are they for? I couldn't comprehend that, and after many hours I still can't. His philosophy is to just flow above others, to be egoless, honorless, prideless, void of anything that anyone could violate. I've never seen him angry. Ever. Confused and sad, yes, many times. He treats people with honor and dignity though and is very caring and polite, a good man, but he's absolutely certain that no one can hurt him if he is a no one himself. We were raised similarly and we have very much in common, but this anger issue is something we can't seem to understand in each other. Another example I used was that If someone was to break into his house while he's at home, would he fight back or would he let himself get robbed? He said he'd fight back so there's at least some kind of a boundary in him. Too bad I had the feeling when were kids that our dad wouldn't have fought back. I slept with an axe by my bed for many years as a kid. He never did anything to help stop the bullying I endured either, and it was me who helped my brother when needed, though he didn't get bullied nearly as bad as I did. He always just said that let them do it, they'll grow tired of it. It lasted the whole nine years non stop. Let them do it, don't fight back. One time I did, and I got grounded for punching one of them. Am I a healthy adult today? Far from it. Life is easier than back then but boy am I a mess. I trust no one and I'm sure the worse always happens when I leave the safety of my home. I'm afraid to search for a job if there are bullies at the work place. I'm scared to go to a hockey game because there might be bullies at the arena. That shouldn't be. I've tried to get decent therapy and other treatment for over 15 years now, but the clinics pass me back and forth and no one seems to care. A clinic for personality disorders denied me because my points in the latest depression documents were too high. In Finland you need to get healthy before getting help. Same with addicts, you need to get sober or clean before getting treatment.

Anger is healthy. The way it is expressed is the answer.

I really wish I could find a therapist like this

This deserves a lot more visibility. Thank you so much Daniel.

Abraham Maslow talked about self-actualized people having anger in the form of righteous indignation. Itd be cool to hear your thoughts on Maslow.

So true - this is my life!! - still learning - this is so helpful, thanks Daniel

“Fascinated with my anger.” Nice. Watched “Dark Waters” on Netflix this week. This helped. 😂

This video is priceless It is so well articulated sincere honest, with a lot of knowledge that came from direct experience. Daniel, What a good thing to discover your Chanel!

I am dealing with anger "issues" at the moment. This was a helpful perspective. Thanks for taking the time to make this video.

Very, very on point and helpful - the sublest, most insightful, realistic treatment I've ever heard - thank you.

I loose my shit at anything,its gotten worse as I've got older.my dad controlled with an iron fist,I was always scared,and it stayed like that for years.it only changed about 5 years ago when I realised I was taking no more shit.

You’re so relatable. You make it easy to understand and learn. I finally get where some of my past behavior was coming from. I didn’t understand why I was reacting over the top to something so insignificant. Loathing myself or beating myself up and making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s very therapeutic. Thank you!

I learned at an early age that if I showed anger, I would be invalidated, called irrational, a bitch or just plain crazy, so I became unable to express anger and became very shy and unable to stand up for myself. I also developed an anxiety disorder. I also became a misanthrope and because of the way people had treated me, I lost all my empathy with humanity and I'm mostly unmoved by other people's suffering.

Great video, thank you very much. Deep insights. Me touched that idea of underground lake of anger that gets triggered by some small thing, that underground lake of anger gets erupted. Some sort of Making a mountain out of a molehill.

Such a great video. You execute complicated issues so well. Thanks Daniel.

This has made anger clear for me. Like Daniel I have done a lot of work on myself. Watching this sure has helped so much. The way you explained it just helped so much. Thank you.

"Ancient Anger" is so volatile. Results in pure rage.

From my understanding, anger comes when a physical or emotional addiction is not met. The best way to release it is by expressing it in private songs and feeling the underlying fear and sadness

Thank you Daniel. This video has been very helpful.

Incredibly enlightening! Many thanks Daniel

This is so helpful and inspiring, as all your videos, thank you!

Isnt tere a time and place for healthy anger.?? I witnessed an assistant manager screaming at customers that where touching her clothes rail. I and the customers where traumatised i cried hard when i got home. Shes still there in the shop,the shop manager closed the case,and i left!!! I didnt realise her anger issues would esculate that much😮. 🙏🏻

You are very authentic,speak every word in my mind

Thank you. This perspective is a valuable and helpful insight.

Thank you Daniel, this is so very well explained

I relate to this so much. So so much. Thank you as always Daniel.

Dan, another great video. I've been thinking about anger lately myself. Your video hits several points that I was mentally trying to work through. I really appreciate the time and effort it takes to make these videos. Great topic!

this really hit home, thank you.

Your videos usually have refreshing perspectives on old difficulty issues. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences. Aspects of your personal story resonate with me deeply, it is very comforting.

Your thoughts really resonate , so grateful that I found your videos

I've been watching your videos lately and it's been helping me so much. Thank you. It feels like finding emotional soul mates when I see people describe their lives as I felt similar in my childhood. It feels good to know we're not crazy and not alone in what we experience as human beings and children. As much as I wish we lived in a world where toxicity doesn't exist, I also understand how it gives us these lessons in life to grow. To appreciate the good and the bad and what we let ourselves become of it and getting in touch with ourselves inside finding the peace and balance even in chaos from the world. I sometimes think that's why we have these experiences is to test our ability to heal ourselves so we can heal the world together. You Daniel are a person that does that in your own beautiful way and it's healing to watch you and I hope it's healing for you to do 🙏🏼thank you

Daniel, your videos are very valuable and helpful! Thank you so much for sharing your life and work experiences! It's what hurting people need!!!

You are amazing, thank you for doing this.

Thanks so much for offering these crystals - I deeply appreciate you sharing your insight & experience. 💝💫

Thank you Daniel. Your insight and sharing is exemplary & very well explained.

I was always angry but it lessened considerably

this is an excellent topic and an excellent video thank you Daniel this information is very well presented!

This Video is amazing.. As are many of your videos Thank you for all your hard work creating these videos

So relatable Daniel! Long may you continue shining bright :)

From my limited perspective, I find you a brilliant human being. Thank you for your videos!

Yep. Thanks really good message. - or we're told we're ugly or unattractive or being ignorant for push back at all and being nice is a virtue so we make it a goal to stuff everything and make sense of it. Yeah, being angry is repellant that's the purpose! WTF That goofy movie Me, Myself and Irene really cracked me up because it was an over the top version of this. Maybe we should have more plate smashing rooms etc for people. That side of us can save our lives so I now believe everyone needs to meet that dark side at some point and make friends with it. After holding back forever then if you do erupt and feel shame that's another phase of it where you can never have any sort of expression that's ever possibly for your own self interest. Then if you give yourself permission to just express whatever maybe that's anti-social in some ways and you lose fake friends but then after you begin to see that it was a necessary adjustment. If the other people went away then they only wanted a distorted version of you so if they require your being caged then it's truly good riddance but it just takes a long time to get through the whole journey and then getting neutral on it all. If you're a small woman it is sometimes needed to be able to out-crazy someone rather than to freeze up all the time for fear of being wrong.

Resolving those early life violations.....

Thank you very much doctor! I have never go to therapy so I seek help on youtube, thank god I found you. This video help me a lot, I just want to leave a thank you note. I understand now why I'm this way, I hate myself less watching your video, it wasn't fully my fault that I'm unhappy and scared. I will try to heel myself. Thank you for putting your knowledge out here to help me...

This is a very helpful video. I, too, was denied/denied myself of anger in situations when it was an appropriate response! Validating myself, even many years later and giving myself permission to be appropriately angry nowadays is a gift.

Great explanation. Thank you very much.

Wow, what a deep video on so many levels. I feel the same way but I couldn't find words to describe it - so thanks a ton, Daniel!

I once thought it was a virtue to "not have" any anger, and felt like I had some superpower over my peers for remaining calm and collected in any situation. "I just don't get angry," I thought. Oh, well, now, years later, I know the truth. The real virtue is to feel. Now I can only hope to cry out in protest should I mistakenly touch a burning stove.

You rock, Daniel!

VERY HELPFUL...THANK YOU!

You have no idea how much (mentally) I can relate to what you experienced in your childhood with your parents, AND how you describe how it manifested in your mental and emotional-ness as growing into an adult. I had to re learn and re teach myself a few things. Things you also talk about that you (now) know better about. I'm telling, you and I would have some long interesting conversations if we ever got to meet and just chill and hang out :-) .

such a great video! thanks

My father always asked me and my siblings to do stuff for him and then get furious if we said no. Like bruh if youre exploding with rage if people say no then dont fucking ask! We had a family intervention with him which was really just me and my father cause the rest of the family was just sitting there scared shitless where i said to my father that im scared to say no to him because he gets too angry. He was absolutely shocked why his own children would say no to him if he asked them to do something

First, I must say, thank you. I’ve read, listened, self analyzed, medicated and gotten therapy to try to understand my anger. All have helped in some way, to get a better understanding of my anger and how to deal with it. I just connected to you and this video, more than all of those combined. It’s a lot to process, and I’ll probably watch this video a few more times in the future. I think everyone should hear this, especially men. I’ve always kept my anger in a place inside of me, keeping it ready for when I needed its energy. It is fuel, and it’s raw power has helped in many situations. The problems is, by not understanding it fully or where it all came from, I haven’t been able to totally contain it. It’s come out at times that I didn’t want it to, and hurt people that didn’t deserve to see it. When I became a husband and father, I came to terms with it, and was able to control it. It was still in me, and I could yield its energy as needed. After a betrayal that led to my divorce, my anger not only grew substantially, it has become unpredictable and impossible to control. It’s been 7 years and I’ve gotten better with it, but it still worries me at times. I worry that it will hurt those I care about. Not physically but through harsh words and being easily frustrated. I’m still trying hard to get a hold on it and heal. Your video will undoubtedly help in that process. Your wisdom, thoughts and beautiful mind, are greatly needed and appreciated. Keep up the great works!!! Once again...... Thank you kind sir

Not letting boys express legitimate anger stores up huge problems later in life. Sadly, the majority of parents are utterly clueless about good parenting. Edit: females are usually wary of *any* male aggression and thus *any* sign of healthy expression of anger is perceived as negative. After being emotionally violated repeatedly as a child and young adult, because I never had a good role model, things have become infinitely better as a wiser and older adult.

We need more videos. Thank you.

Well this hits home.

Wow I really needed this. Thank you, deeply. especially the last type of anger. Thank you. May you please help me understand how to heal old wounded parts of myself? or old traumas? I think more specifically, I am struggling with courage and bravery to face everything, in terms of looking at myself but even more so in confronting or facing other people. I keep avoiding and I feel stuck

I love your videos!

😭😭😭 thank you thank you for this

🙏 thank you!