Many will out of comfort find someone to move in with when they are old. A nice empathic nurse/cook who lives very near already so they don't even need to work much to move in their furniture. Narcissists like their own personal comfort.

No you are right they will I'm seeing this right now with a person he pushed every one away now he is sick and No one wants to help him he did say this that he brought this on himself. And he did and it's so sad to see so what ever they sew you can count on it that they will reap it.

Was there a reason he discarded you ? Or just out of the blue..no reason?

@Jen-K-2024 I was honest and told him I didn't think it was right to put me on 'standby' or the 'back burner' by telling me "soon" when I made suggestions to meet up again. He seems to think it's fine that 4 weeks have gone by without meeting up again because "This month has thrown things at him" which is why he couldn't meet me, but he also said he wants to see each other more frequently and regularly!!! The whole thing is confusing, so I told him how I felt & he ran away. It's too draining for me, so I'm done.

@cammyt9030 wow...sounds so familiar . I got the "soon" too. Always talked about being together and then when the topic of getting together came up, those days he always had something else going on. Yet I still stayed. Then 16 days ago I had to confront him in a text on his non-actions . He saw text and no reply. He's totally ghosting me now. Sounds just like your story. It's unreal what they do. Now I'm left mentally messed up. Depression and anxiety is so bad.

I'm 52, she's 48, and it happened to me. And I didn't even heard of avoidant attachment before... It seems to me she won't ever heal.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you.. Yeah same here, I had no idea what avoidant attachment was and as soon as I started researching all the lights started going off in my brain, connecting the dots. She seemed a bit more severe is my best guess. Somewhat self aware, questioned why some people didn't like her(seemed to seek validation from me regarding these feelings when I didn't fully understand context during when things were more surface with us when we first met) and confused and hurt about a best friend that cut her off recently. Seemed to be moving on from things and people a lot ect. Hope she gets the help she needs, but I don't think she will. She would say that I was the kindest person she ever dated, but then went and disappeared on me when we discussed vulnerability(she was aware of her issues with this) and being potentially exclusive. I really liked her, and to devolve into this type of situation really shocked me to the core. Hope you find healing. ​@@FreddyFredo-ne9to

Same for me, I think she is a severe avoidant, but as I only discovered this attachment style after the discard, I couldn't talk about this with her. I'm in no contact for more than 4 months now, slowly healing, but pain is still present. Same, she told me I was nice, she couldn't make any reproach about me and my behavior, but she "couldn't give me what I wanted, she was overwhelmed and she needed time and space to take care of her". I've heard she's fine, and she really believes she discarded me the right way, she's moved on the day after the discard, and I'm now sure she doesn't even remember me, complete deactivation. Maybe she's alone, maybe she had already found someone else before or after the discard, it was driving me crazy, but now I've admitted I can't force her to love me. I've done my best, and if she doesn't want me in her life, well, what can I do ? She has always been in toxic relationships before, I used to think I could make her happy the way she made me, but now I think she NEEDS toxic relationships... Sad...I think she was worth it, but I can't make her happy if she doesn't want it. Wished her the best, but I don't want to suffer anymore. I've spent so much time ruminating, wondering what I could have made wrong, trying to find a way to solve the situation...but it does come from her. So only SHE can cure herself. But I'm certain she doesn't even see she has this issue, everything seems normal to her. Hope you're healing too, stay strong.

@@demariarob no contact is FOREVER. your mistake is reaching out. if they treat you badly, reaching out to them teaches them that you'll come back even after they disrespect you & it tells the avoidant you have low self esteem & low value. also... stop dating women over 30. they're old used up & usually have a ton of mental problems & baggage. better to get a fresh banana than an old wrinkly brown one.

My DA made sure to let me know twice he'd not slept with his ex GF, in response to an accusation I had Ieveled at him when he broke up with me. Shame and guilt avoidance? He's been reaching out to me since we broke up 3 weeks ago, and we had a nice visit. He asked me over again but I was already scheduled. Waiting on him but also dating in the meantime.

Sorry man...strength to you. Been through it (it was a much shorter relationship though)

Or they justify their behavior and tell you they didn’t do anything wrong you’re just incompatible

I use the same nickname with mine. The heartless tinman! He discarded me then came back when his other attempts didn’t work out. I have never known heartbreak like what I endured with him

i'd hate to be a woman. they are cursed with only being able to have feelings for men that don't like them back. if the man cares about her too much, she won't be attracted to him. this is just how women are built biologically. that would fkn suck to only like people who couldn't care less about you.

Sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience of my ex DA sudden anger and accusations thrown at me. Very confusing what happened but I had had enough of hot cold, silent treatment, coldness, avoidance of conversations, gaslighting etc. dated for 4 months and I had to walk away. Hope you find some race again!

At least he showed you what a POS he is before you wasted a decade on him. He’ll disappear for a couple months and try to come back like nothing happened.

They are sick, I don't think they realise that they need lots of professional therapy

found that this type are severely insecure. they run away to find security elsewhere but alas that can’t happen.

That really hurts! I’m sorry you are dealing with all that.😮

run for your life

They dont. They faked the nice in the beginning. They dont feel like we do.

"Avoidants, IMO, are generally good people." --- no they aren't... avoidants are just quiet, introverted narcissists.

@@asdfxcvbn746 I think they fake being good to then play the victim.

@@Bluepearl187this is it. What kind of person would fake a personality to make you fall in love to just flip a switch and throw you in the trash? I’m tired of tip toeing around the fact that they’re just sociopaths.

@@Kavilion not a healthy one

It depends on the person. It could, but you should never take them back, even if they do rethink the break-up. They made a conscious decision and you were worth it the first time.

Mine did came back many times bonderies were set.But guess what the cycle starts again. So this time I got off the roller coaster ride and I'm not getting back on.

an avoidant literally couldn't care less that you exist. they're avoiding you, thats why we call them avoidants lol. so tellling them you're avoiding them is just going to piss them off & make them avoid you harder. the best way to deal with avoidants is to confuse them by suddenly cutting them off & ghosting them. mute them on all social media so they can see you, but you can't see them & treat them like they no longer exist. never reach out to them again until they reach out first. & then when they do, give short, curt responses with no emojis & no punctuation. like you could care less that you're talking to them.& do not call or facetime them. only text. if they call you, ignore it. text them back & say you're busy, but you can text... wassup. this will infuriate them by mirroring their own sh*tty avoidant behavior. this is the sh*t that women do to men... its very effective. also, like the other person said, never take them back. avoidants don't make good long term partners anyway.

Not the same

@RachelL421 /lol, what if my act of self-preservation is a defense against a narcissist ? Is that an exception ?

@RachelL421 / lol, narks have feelings, too

​@@RachelL421/dats rayciss

That's the trap for an Avoidant, isn't it. It's self-preservation for maladaptive behaviour. Or in other words never really experiencing true connection in life. Always being an observer in life and never a participant in intimate relationships. Yes, the Avoidant self preserves like pickles stuck in a glass jar. Marinating in their own selfish juices of delusion.

​@@Apbt-rv7zw/ lol , epic comment, but most people are toxic & it's usually too late when you discover that you've been duped.

You didn’t get the fucking video at all.