This was a strategy for me. It lessened the likelihood of abuse. I'd ask a simple question, pretending to care about a topic of interest to them. Let the bragging begin. Pretend listen. They're amazing. The best athlete. Had the prettiest girlfriends, greatest potential. Smile, nod, no questions coming, read articles on my phone. "Yes I’m listening."

Not anymore

I do this all the time. It's also safer to pretend not to see if you're in work environment (unless they try something on you).

Love this quote I'm gonna steal it and use it daily on a mental level

@@NatureFreak1127 sometimes it’s safer pretending not to see if your in the home environment too. At worst, sometimes our lives literally depend on it.

#blessed

It’s people who boast like that that make the idea of a higher power a turn off, and that’s sad.

You sound envious.

I HATE THAT

There are people, who will always misuse information from your private life... Be aware of it. And you are allowed to ask "back" :like " why you are asking about it?" Because you are in your rights withhold your private information.. 😉You HAVE RIGHT to remain silent 😎 And you also can find elegant excuse why you are not ready to share that kind of information. Good luck

Before I answer, I ask, "who's asking?" Lol

A setup. The intention was always to put you down.

Which is why I'm not so forthcoming when someone proceeds to pump me for personal information. Becoming a master at being vague has given me much pleasure of late.

Well said 🙌🏼💯💯

Well said!💙

“The intention behind the words” exactly. Same with many words.

Amen

You can also talk about what you do without it being considered bragging. There are a lot of *very deeply insecure* people who complain about influencers, and yet they never bother to think THEY sought the influencer out...the influencer was NOT chasing them down or butting into their life. (EDIT: an nope, never been an influencer) I agree, the intent has a HUGE amount to do with character.

Perfect!

Love this

🤣🤣🤣🤣 There's a photographer in Los Angeles I know who apparently is wel known there (I'm in London). One day, I saw loads of people commenting to him as if he were a celebrity. I sent him a message and asked him what was up with those comments. He replied, "I'm kind of a big deal in LA." Ok.

I agree . I think we have to be careful not to lump everyone who does that together though. I think it’s important to know the motive of the person. ( and if they “brag” or post stuff a lot and I mean a lot about their vacations and projects, etc. that is a huge clue) I’m sure there are plenty of people who do thank God and it’s genuine. They are truly happy something turned out or went well and they are genuinely wanting to thank God. Then there are others who use the God card as a way to add another layer to their narcissism to hide that they are a narcissist by giving God the credit when all the while they truly believe it was all them and that they are so great and everyone should know it. Those people are trying to not offend others by their outright bragging. They know it’s a turn off so they do it to mask their look at me, la-dee-dah persona.

"When the pupil is ready The teacher appears " & that she did & continues to unravel the ties that "bind us" To use the art of discernment wisely Much appreciated DrRamini

Then that makes you a genuine humble bragger. Take my Like.

@@poloman888 Haha. Guess so. I don't know what to think about the issue, exactly. Sometimes one is genuinely proud of an accomplishment, and you want to crow a little about it to someone you trust and isn't going to be envious. Seems a normal emotion. Of course too much and too often is insufferable. It has to be selective, a real accomplishment, and infrequent. And it definitely has to be reciprocated.

My family has always minimised my accomplishments, so I share the things I'm proud of with other people. I don't desperately need their praise but it feels nice to share my pride.

Part of self love

Hard enough to learn

Thats hilarious! 😂😂😂

Yeah, we had a coffee last week together and George and I always see eye to eye about these things.

🤣

Yes -- her sense of humor is a genius context for what really are so often complex & emotionally difficult topics

Her genuine humanity and honesty make us trust her all that much more!

I Loved the waking up to your cat's butt in the morning! Everyone who has a cat has been there! 🤣🤭

I relate so much to all of this.

Sounds like my Mother's attitude.

Amazing. At 52 years old, having done my own cooking from age 13 (living alone), and then cooking for others a year later, your words prompted the realization my mother never acknowledged this accomplishment at the time or later. It's given me a bad attitude about cooking.

Well said, thank you. Me too.

Same. My family has been invalidating ever since and only one teacher at school saw my strengths. So I humble brag sometimes to get validation from others, although I don't rely on it.

Omeprazole is a horrible med. It contains shellac PEG and polysorbate80..so that shellac is carried into your brain!! And other organs.. research ingredients. No wonder there is so much dementia and alzheimers.

I'm curious about the Omeprazole because I was taking that before I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. You don't have to tell, but I am wondering what other symptoms you have besides acid reflux which would require Omeprazole? I don't have to take it any more now that I found out the root cause of my acid reflux, which I rarely have now. You may take it for a different reason though.

My narc family is so invalidating, so when I'm proud of my accomplishments, I share them with others that are truly happy for me.

I think you hit the nail on the head there.

And you know the article ended with them saying they were #blessed.

😅😅

I thought that too lol.

@@kendallstark4302 thanks for mentioning it...sad but true.

His humble bragging made me feel bad for sharing anything good I accomplished. I didn’t want anyone to feel around me like I felt around him.

Gosh yes, my ex worked out all the time and I carries all the slack at home. Nice for him to have the tine!

My husband 😢😢😢

@@imsaltylit3101I’m so sorry and I can remember feeling the same confusing mix of emotions. Your story can have a happy ending though. I divorced my husband after 25 years. I took the time to really understand his personality and my own and then I moved on with a much better understanding of what I wanted in a relationship. I’m now happily remarried to the sweetest and most supportive man ever.

This was my (ex)husband too. He started exercising and trying to watch what he ate. He started losing loads of weight and looked really, really good. I was proud of him. I wanted to exercise with him because getting healthy could be something both of us could do and we could enjoy that time together. What I did not know then was that I had severe, severe anemia, and I was exhausted all the time. My hemoglobin was really low and I was not getting enough oxygen, so exercising wore me out. EVERYTHING wore me out. I barely had enough energy to do my chores around the house, so by the time he was ready to exercise at night, I was out. Then he told me later and absolutely crushed me that he didn't want me to join him in exercising because, and I quote: "You're just going to hold me back." I did not know he was a narcissist at the time. I know now, and it makes total sense. Nothing was ever about "us" as husband and wife. I don't know how many times I asked him to slow down so I could keep up, but he refused. He absolutely refused. Everything was always about him. There was no "us" except on government-issued paper. I feel you. Man, I feel you.

That hearkens back to a reference Dr. Ramani made in a past video about "clipping our own wings", a behavior brought on by having had one's wings perpetually clipped by the ones who were supposed to love and encourage us.

And that one person can be you yourself 🌸

Amen 🔥🔥🔥

Ive been through this growing up as well it's sad that we have to hide ourselves to make others feel safe smh

“how dare you know who you are outside of who I tell you you are?” -- this one's resonating like a clanging bell

You have put it in words perfectly. With your permission I am going to copy your comment and read it for myself often as it really speak to me.

Dear Dr. Ramani, you are hilarious 😂😍😂 Thank you for keeping it real and always giving encouragement and wisdom ❤️ PS: the cat´s butt sounds familiar 😅

I laughed, too!

And - no surprise - they crave the most sympathy when things are not going their way too.

Even if you're still living with your abusive parents, you can still love yourself. If you've moved out, you can rest assured that by their own logic they should berate you for accomplishing contact with them, so you have more time to read a good book or take up a hobby in peace.

Just know you are not alone. I'm going through the same thing myself. Even worse is that I have imposter syndrome, so it feels like all of my accomplishments were not from hard work, but from pure luck, and I feel like an imposter. I'm slowly getting through it, but it's difficult. Lmk if you need to talk :)

There's got to be a name for this kind of proxy gift-giving, where someone gives someone something & tells them to give it to someone else as a gift. Or the act of giving someone money to treat someone else to dinner. I know this person sees themselves as benevolent. I see it as controlling, manipulative, & weird.

That is just awful, despicable behavior.

the triangulating is amazingly sophisticated -- imagine if they could use ALL THAT ENERGY as a force for good instead

I cannot help but giggle at this one. That’s exactly what she was doing. Lol. Do they ever grow out of the hang-my-report card-on-the-fridge phase?

My mother does this with food delivered to the door. She dominates the shared delivery in my kitchen for herself to dispense, arranged into the prettiest serving bowls she can find with the all-important serving spoons, and gaily sings out "Dinner's ready!" Then we must wait while she photographs each of our loaded plates for her records and possible upload to social media. Then asks people how we love her inspired selections - we paid for.

My parents dislike their own lives so much and they don't want me to talk about my accomplishments. But they brag about them in front of others to make them appear like the parents who "did everything right and raised a good person."

@@aynilaa my father used to do that a lot, so I understand. It’s funny how when we accomplish something they still try to find a way to make it about themselves. If you accomplished a lot, that’s great for you and make sure to be proud of yourself!! And idk your situation, but it you went through a lot of hardship, it makes it even more impressive that you got far despite that. It really shows that you are a strong person. While being in that situations can be extremely tough, I personally started to appreciate what I’ve done and once you surround yourself with people who care for you because of who you are and not what they can get from you (this happened to me after I distanced myself from my parents), they will be happy for you too! But the most important thing as corny as it sounds, it’s to be happy with yourself.

I thought it was just me 😂

It's too low in some parts. The range is too great. The worst however is Sugar MD. I cant listen to that guy at all.

Being asked what you paid for something is an instant alarm bell. They only ask to put you down and brag. Guess what? They never pay that much. Shock. Probably untrue. But aren't you wasteful!

I can relate. I'm older now, but in my younger days, I was described as a pretty woman. I say this because a friend with good intentions once said to me, "you could never be invisible." They were wrong. The only attention I got was for my appearance, even after getting perfect scores on engineering exams, or winning awards in art. What you described is very similar to how I've behaved in social media, and in real life. "Please love me. Look what I can offer the world." Nope, anything I achieved was quickly crushed under my mother's criticisms and my sister's bullying. I cringe now when I think of the young woman who, if she were just a bit dumb, the world could have been her oyster. All I had to do was develop some awareness that the majority of people are shallow and don't care what a woman can offer the world because "you're pretty. You'll never have to worry about studying or working." Wrong, so very wrong. I was an "ugly duckling" as a teenager and the kids called me "pizza face." Confidence destroyed from all angles. Later on, apparently became "pretty," became a target for creeps. The "last straw" for me was when a few years ago, I was enjoying posting my writing, and I had a little fan-base of about 3 people who got a laugh from my stories. I became "friends" with a man who I thought was cool and naively didn't protect myself. He said to me about my writing, "Yea, I've seen it, and I thought, well I don't want to read all THAT!" Confidence destroyed completely. Now I don't write at all, or post my art work (some other man who was meant to be a friend of over a decade, made fun of my art). Incidentally, the man who said he "wasn't going to read all THAT" posts endless photos of himself in women's clothes. His entire page is him posting "glamour" shots, and people praising his appearance. Ok. I got news for him, clothes don't make the man (or woman). Apologies, that was quite the stream of consciousness.

Making death threats is a crime. Let the police handle it. She'd be a prime suspect if anything happens. Until then only use caffeine if you need to keep an eye open while you sleep.

I feel unseen, invalidated, hurt, belittled, put down, unheard, etc but I don’t post online about my accomplishments to make other people feel bad

Not everybody minds humble bragging that much, as a matter of fact I grew up where it was the only socially acceptable way of bragging at all. If you're really worried, why not see how people around you react and ask them? Perhaps some people are irritated, others think it's kinda cute and the rest don't even notice.

Yup, I knew a guy who was fluent in six different languages and a math genius on top of that. He always assumed everybody could do what he did. And no, he didn't do it with the intent of bragging. Even so, it could be surreal how he'd switch effortlessly between languages and then turn to me and try to include me ... like dude, I don't speak Spanish 🤣