Dr Z Answers Your Direct Questions: Socializing, Genital Dysphoria, First Step, & Fear!

Рет қаралды 3,049

Жыл бұрын

Have a question for me? Add it below in a comment section.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/aboutdrz
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation

Пікірлер: 90

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

Any suggestions on how to deal with the increasing transphobia in society? It's becoming very very hard for me to deal with the fact that all of media is telling me that everyone will hate me, I'll lose everything, and I'll regret transition. Thank you so much DrZ!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Great question. Will answer.

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I look forward to it. Your sage like advice is always welcome ❤

@MarkSmithhhh Жыл бұрын

It seems like it's decreasing, wtf...imagine living in the 50s

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

@@MarkSmithhhh Who cares about the 50s? I'm talking about now. How exactly is it decreasing when politicians and far left activists are out there making us all look bad and pissing off anyone that doesn't align with them? Have you not seen that we are all being referred to as groomers by certain people. How can you even compare now to the 50s? Kind of a silly way to blow off someone's concern about where things sre headed for trans people. The public image of trans people has definitely taken a hit in the past 5 years or so. Not to mention the fact that that my state is a deep red conservative hell hole where I still stand the chance of losing my livelihood just for my identity. Yup, so much better than the 50s which I have no frame of reference for because I wS not alive

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

@@MarkSmithhhh oh hey. Just ran across this. Looks like things were better in the 1950s 🤣 kzfaq.infoZNbi8txERns?feature=share

@fiamedknuff Жыл бұрын

I never hated my male genitalia., but I felt completely indifferent about it. I never understood how men could be so obsessed with their genitalia (naming, measuring, comparing, etc) and considering it to be the most important part of their anatomy. Meanwhile I was just "Meh!" about having those parts. Maybe there is a truth about the statement "The opposite to love is not hate, but indifference." At least that I have been feeling about having male genitalia. Now when I'm going through transition and growing breasts. I have started to "fall in love" with my budding breasts and I can't help to wonder if that's how men feel about their penises. I do plan to have bottom surgery and I have my first consultation in late April. While I don't "hate" my male genitalia, I would so much rather have a vulva and vagina. Having male genitalia have also obstructed my sex life for many years. I don't like to use it during sex, I have been unable to penetrate my partner, and I don't want my partner to touch it. That has made it very hard for me to be sexually intimate with women that I am dating and have ruined potential relationships before they even truly started. I have come to realize that the only option for me to have a healthy sex life in the future is to go thru bottom surgery.

@FrozEnbyWolf150 Жыл бұрын

I'm also indifferent towards my body, at least on a conscious level. I also never had a strong desire to be the other way, as per the wording of the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria. This is why I assumed for years I couldn't possibly have dysphoria related to that. However, on a subconscious level, it's probably a different story. I have a long history of depression, which manifested at the onset of puberty, coinciding with a long history of SH. I've either neglected my body or tried to cause damage. If someone were to ask me if I hate my body, I would say no, even though there have been times I felt like tearing off my own skin. I'm aroace and sex repulsed so I've never even tried to get into an intimate relationship, as it's never been a major priority in my life. I have no idea how I would want to be seen, but I do know that I never want anyone to see my body as it stands now. I'm not sure what this means going forward, but right now I'm not taking any options off the table.

@AidIsComing Жыл бұрын

This is literally me. I’ve felt kind of indifferent when it came to my looks, but during my teenage years and now I’ve had a strong desire to be come the opposite gender or at least physically look more feminine. Additionally when I dress more fem or do things like tucking or shaving my legs it bring a immense amount of euphoria.

@neowolf09 Жыл бұрын

As a different perspective, Ive always felt very awkward talking about it or even just using it. Would often get complaints in HS that I didn't take my clothes off during smexy times. I would wear a hoodie every single day even in the hot and humid Texas summers just to hide it, I was wearing super tight jeans so yea. I don't like any attention being brought to it whatsoever. So this comment wasn't easy for me to make. It's lucky tbh, you don't want to have genital dysphoria. It's not fun. Every time you shower you get very depressed. It even resulted in very bad hygiene for a long time for me, and I had no idea what the feelings were, they were so heavily repressed because of childhood traumas 😖

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

Whoever wrote that last question, I just want to say thank you! You took the words right out of my mouth with that. Dysphoria seems to be getting exponentially worse for me as the days go by since acceptance. I'm terrified of what will happen to my life if I transiton but even more so about what I will do if I don't. 🤯 🔫 Pandoras box for sure.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.,

@jwenting Жыл бұрын

Some moments I have strong dysphoria, others it's just simmering in the background like a slowly bubbling stew. And that's effectively been going on for a long time, long enough that many people who know me (including my sister) think I can't really be transgender "because you always acted like a boy" (never mind that that was largely forced, from an early age I knew full well what was expected of me as a boy and I tried to fit in, however hard it was for me). I avoid mirrors like the plague, especially when naked (but even seeing my face on camera in a video conference can shock me, today I nearly cried seeing myself on a security monitor in the bus...). Covering up mirrors can help a lot if you have genital dysphoria, avoid sex (not a problem for me, I'm not in a physically romantic relationship, never have been). When going to public places, carry a professional looking camera. It tends to stop people taking pictures of you, they think you're the better photographer than them :) But worse is dysphoria about body hair and my voice, both of which nearly unavoidable.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles with dysphoria.

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

Ugh. The body hair and the voice. I felt that 😪.

@skotkik Жыл бұрын

Amazing content here. You cut right through the noise and I've never felt so seen. Amazing.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you! Glad the content is helpful.

@philipe7937 Жыл бұрын

I love you Dr. Z, you are so helpful. Thank you!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

My pleasure.

@CeleryMae Жыл бұрын

I love these videos, they are very helpful even when the information doesn't apply to me. Thank you

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

I am so glad!

@aurieteixeira Жыл бұрын

Really loving these Q&A videos!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Glad they are helpful!

@Journey-of-1000-Miles Жыл бұрын

Great video!😊

@allison-jane757 Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for answering my question! That was a very interesting observation you made about naming your body parts. I feel like as things have progressed I'm more comfortable with calling it my princess parts and not naming the part. Although in the question, I just didn't want to be too rude or crass so that's was my initial logic for not naming the body parts. I also feel it is a lot more present now and usually always there to at least some degree but I have found ways to cope with it and that helps a lot. I'm definitely considering bottom surgery but want to start on hormones first for a year or two before I make any decisions on that. But at this stage in the game, I would definitely be happier having a vulva and vagina. I also basically planned my bottom surgery in high school without realizing it so there is that too. I love your videos and really appreciate that you do your best to interact with everybody and answer questions.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

One of the things I found helpful is for people to realize that if you are trans femme, the genitals you have now will be part of your vagina, so its important to realize that we humans gender our bodies but our bodies themselves don't know gender.

@vanessaherandshe7518 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD This is interesting, because apart of my GD is that my male anatomy has never worked right and I always been fixing it. This aligns to me saying I not expecting surgery to fix things. I am doing surgery so that I can work on fixing things. I feel it is really important to not discount your past ( you worked hard for that past) . Due to your comment DR Z. Your past just doesn't go away and you are better dealing with the past than trying to shun your past.

@mx.lucyfur Жыл бұрын

I think the last two really get at a question I thought about posting and would probably get a similar answer in terms of small steps. I was going to ask about ideas for discerning whether or not to start HRT when it seems desirable but living without it is also manageable. But, in the spirit of small steps, my takeaway is that its worth keeping in mind that HRT is not all or nothing. You can take a small step and try it for a little while. If it's a good fit, something will let you know you want to keep going. If it's not, you'll know that as well. Three months tends to be what I often hear. Try it for three months and then assess from there. HRT is a big leap of faith, but it doesn't have to be a jump off of a cliff. More like leaping down a few stairs. If you land someplace that doesn't feel good, you can always step back up.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. SO here is a thing about HRT as a trial run. Feminizing hormones in my experiences, are fine for trial run because the changes are very minor at least in the first two months. For masculinizing hormones, thats a different story. One has to be OK and aware that even macrodosing can lead to irreversible changes such as voice deepening. I dont know what your gender identity is so thought I'd share both here.

@sams732 Жыл бұрын

Fantastic! I didn't write the last question but I've been struggling with similar thoughts recently too. Transitioning could seriously improve my life, BUT it's sooo scary... I feel like I've just gotta do it in spite of the fear...

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best.

@Kira-zm7vy Жыл бұрын

Yup. That's how I feel too. Scared to transition but more scared of what will happen if I don't

@rebeccasam3434 Жыл бұрын

Even the very first question is such a great one! Honestly I'm not sure I can do/be comfortable with either. And yeeeeeeah about my lost childhood. I "love" the bigots' "let children be children!" BS...actually that's exactly what the bigots want to stop. And Dr Z makes a great point about there not being one boy/girl socialization experience growing up, like the bigots also like claiming. I also love the point about having resonated with the what you actually are, which is a great point I'm not saying right...certainly true for me. I'm not saying any of this right, but 15 minutes in so far, and great questions and answers!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@RosheenQuynh Жыл бұрын

12:46 I'm tearing up, I HATE talking about genitals, even the chest, too, wow... I didn't realize how bad my dysphoria was... I dissociate too

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry.

@niklaskornstad4341 Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr Z, thank you for this series, such a good and helpful idea. I have a ton of questions but I will try to stick to one about coping with dysphoria. Usually I use music to work through feelings, both good and bad, powerful female vocalists in rocknroll give me the whole spectrum of feelings, except one, dysphoria.. It can temporarily distract me, but as soon as I stop the dysphoria is back. I feel helpless when it comes to this part of me. I started HRT (not T blockers, only estrogen as it is private and all I can afford) 7 months ago which helps alot in some areas, in other areas it just gets worse and worse. I've tried makeup, wigs and clothes from the women's department but all it does is show me all the things I don't have, and then I feel worse than before. Do you have any tips or exercises you have found work? I can add that I am waiting for my healthcare provider but the wait to first visit is 27 months and getting longer every day, after that it's at least one year before I can expect any concrete help.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Glad to hear Q & A is helpful and thank you for posting such a great question. Will answer.

@BCSchmerker Жыл бұрын

+DRZPHD *Thanks for a video in Q&A format.* Concerning Question 1, as a cismale with what the Natives would call "two-spirit" traits, I would the education system prepared _all_ genders for true independence, a prerequisite for healthy interdependency.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing.

@berkantgokce Жыл бұрын

For FTM transitioners I highly recommend going through path of The Game. Being AFAB will give an advantage there.There are a lot of men going this way to have the boost in their confidence first, and later to make it permanent .

@matildab2231 Жыл бұрын

Question number one that Dr Z talked about made me think about an exchange of experiences of life's gender role conditioning with someone who is traversing the divide in the opposite direction. If there is a female-to-male soul out there who thinks this would be helpful for them and are willing to advise me, then do please let me know! M xXx

@jackburton1455 Жыл бұрын

It's nice to see you embrace a new career option after your super hero costume company fell through. No capes!

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hahahah. Thanks and I love your profile pics. Big Trouble in Little China is my fav childhood movie.

@jackburton1455 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD I'm in love ♥️

@jackburton1455 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD mine too

@kathleenwaters3490 Жыл бұрын

I think a lot of us who are concerned about fitting in with our true gender have an image of the type of life we want once we transition and worry we won't be able to fit in with that particular crowd. Of course, not everyone comfortable with their birth gender can attain the status or join in the crowd they always envied but they knew there were acceptable alternatives and were able to naturally blend in with those alternatives.. When we transition we intellectually know there are just as many ways to blend in as there were in our other life but we want certain things and things to go a certain way and we don't really know how to make that happen or how it will play out if life doesn't go according to the hopeful script in our mind. Truth is there is no way to tell what will eventually happen. You have to take the leap and see where you land. I work as a physical therapist and tell my patients all the time that I can't predict exactly what outcome they will have if they follow all the doctors and therapists advice but I can tell them what will happen if they do nothing.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@kevinmartinezrivera9229 Жыл бұрын

If I choose to not transition or move forward with any exploration, I Choose my relationship and my life, what should I expect?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi, thats an important question. I will answer in Q&A.

@wisdomprepper Жыл бұрын

I wanted to comment in regards to the 1st question. I was born male and spent the first 45 years of my life "trying" to be a man and relate to men. Sadly, I always failed miserably because well...while I was born with male stuff, I'm just not male. I imagine it's the same for that person having been born biologically female. I know there is a societal expectation so-to-speak of what a "man" is, but like Dr. Z, there really is no hard or clear cut definition. My best advice is to do as Dr. Z has said in previous videos and immerse yourself around those whom you want to emulate if that makes any sense. ❤

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing!

@0532phillipjoy Жыл бұрын

Id agree with the above, and encourage the questioner that we all as human beings have a remarkable capacity to adapt to new social situations. It may not always be possible to just go and find another group of males you feel more comfortable in. So long as the males whose 'code' you aspire to learn is not a toxic code, and so long as you have confidence that you are just as worthwhile a human being as they, I think you will gradually by immersion learn it and gradually feel more comfortable.

@sonyatheforestgaurdian3152 Жыл бұрын

The therapist I'm seeing is holding off on giving me a dysphoria diagnosis because "I'm not dysphoric enough to be trans." I'm unable to change therapists because of external factors. How do I nudge them towards giving me the diagnosis?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Fantastic question, I will answer in Q & A.

@bobbylee9727 Жыл бұрын

I think it was Albert Kinsey in the 1950's (U. of Indiana) who studied a hundred thousand cockroaches or something and concluded that each bug was sexually unique. Based on that alone, of the seven and a half billion people here on Earth, can we conclude we are all sexually unique, Doc?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. Yes we are def more unique than we realize.

@bobbylee9727 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD thank you for answering my question, Doc. I thought my comment was important and your reply meant a lot to me.

@miyahollands6136 Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr. Z Q: Would like some tips for dealing with impostor syndrome?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Great one. Will do in Q & A.

@miyahollands6136 Жыл бұрын

@DR Z PHD Thank you Dr. Z, look forward to seeing that one

@adamcarfield7201 Жыл бұрын

Why does it feel every step forward I take in trying to transition it seems I take 9 steps back family members talking bad about trans people judging trans people is it that I didn't notice it till I started down this path or have they noticed and trying to change my mind

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

I dont know but I do wish you well and hope you can build a good support system.

@---kt5xz Жыл бұрын

I don't want that people should know about me before i want so how can I stop parents' emotional toucher??

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. I am sorry I am not sure what you are asking.

@Axel-mf4bo Жыл бұрын

Hi, I didn't understand what you meant by "nothing is natural about gender dysphoria" at around 15:20

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. Gender is a human invention, a construct which continues to change and evolve. As such, there is nothing natural about it. The only thing thats natural is how you feel about yourself.

@Axel-mf4bo Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD Thank you

@brooklyn8299 Жыл бұрын

I've been watching your content since before I was able to get counseling you were somewhat of a counselor for me while I was trying to figure myself out. If this has previously been answered please connect me with the content. As more people are starting to use pronouns I realize that I don't connect with any, meaning I don't feel any connection to pronouns even though I respect everyone else's. I live in an area where madame and misseur are more commonly used including on the streets and being seen as madame triggers me more than pronouns because I am constantly trying to pass for non-binary. Any tips for figuring out pronouns? Or is there a better question I should be asking?

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Hi. Glad to hear the content is helpful. This is a great question especially for non binary folks or people like you who dont care for pronouns. Let me try to tack it in my Q&A.

@neowolf09 Жыл бұрын

A guy code? There's no code I ever knew being born male. Though me and my friend would make fun of the "guy code" by pretending to have conversations by just saying "you remember that time...." Silence for a bit we just look at each other, then one of us responds "yea! And then.." silence again. "Oh yea that was..." More silence. If there's a "guy code" me and my best friend never understood it. But me and my best friend have our own personal code. I think it's just friendship code, something both males and females have in my experience. It comes with time.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Exactly.

@Intuitivehealingwithmj 5 ай бұрын

Does dying public hair help or increase gender dysphoria?

@matildautz2350 Жыл бұрын

OK the big lowdown. For doing all, this is your health if you’re very healthy, there’s no problem starting blockers and hormones.. this is why because of the purity. It’s better to start as early as possible. If you’re serious about this, you should live a healthier lifestyle no smoking no drinking. They all have an effect on your biology. You have to maintain your weight. diabetes has a lot to do with it, what you should look at is how fat relates to horremones’s sugar ECT hormones. Also, how that relates to diabetes. You should really work at being balanced out. Also work out . Regime is very important. Also, you have to remember you are what you eat. If you’re female, you’re going to want too reduce reduce reduce. Going to be male bulk up. As a man I know what I liked as a male. About Women. My expectations way too high. Now that I want to go there and be a woman those expectations can’t be met. I’d have my whole body redesigned lol. Now as a female, what do you want out of a guy? What are your expectations as a male you expect out of other guys or women. Brother keep your expectations low it will serve you well. My other problem is wearing a bathing suit I haven’t had surgery yet. Is this a hang up or what?? I really don’t think people care. I do.

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

@deannacocker9572 Жыл бұрын

These videos are cute. Snippets of plausible talking points are like a psychiatric drive-thru, with almost no chance of getting any extra sauce applied to a special order. Oh well, 'Baby Steps' still have a place for a limited application..

@DRZPHD Жыл бұрын

Sorry, impossible to do extra sauce on short Q & A.

@deannacocker9572 Жыл бұрын

@@DRZPHD indeed