Heidi can find obscure concepts in psychology and put a modern, easy to digest spin to it to make it accessible to all of us. So grateful I found this channel ❤️

1st step: Recognizing when you are emotionally sober. Being able to perceive the world clearly, being present, not being activated or hyper-vigilant. Love that you brought up that addiction can include limerence and hyper-independence. 2nd step: Knowing and naming your triggers. Mapping out the information from step 1 to be able to predict situations you will not be emotionally sober in. Sit down and write a list of 5 types of situations where you might be likely to be triggered or emotionally intoxicated. 3rd step: Develop an action plan for how you will behave during these responses. What is important to you and what things do you definitely not want to do when you are emotionally sober. Develop rules/boundaries/guidelines. Use basic if/else statements a 4 y.o. can understand. 4th step: Work on being able to tolerate the emotions that lead you to an emotionally intoxicated response. If shame, practice self compassion, think of all the other people who feel this way too. If anger, practice assertive sample scripts so you don't choose between only blowing up or self-abandoning. As an aside, cus this is what I'm also learning as part of my life wisdom thing. "Work on your relationship to uncertainty and vulnerability. If you grow up securely attached a big part of what you learn is that life is in constant motion and that everything is always changing and that to be alive means to feel fairly vulnerable and exposed and to have to grieve things that you've lost on a regular basis." 5th step: Surround yourself with people who are emotionally sober who won't affirm thought distortions when it comes to decision making or conflicts with others in your life. Make peace with your expectations. Shit won't happen overnight. You will not feel suddenly better. You will however feel your true feelings.

As anyone with long-term addiction recovery knows, emotional sobriety is crucial to physical sobriety. After all, if it doesn't feel good to be sober, there's no reason to stay that way. I'm glad others find this an accessible concept as well.

It's been three days since I watched and I just had to come back and tell you that this concept is immensely useful. It's one thing to recognize I'm dysregulated, but in those moments it's so much more intuitive to tell myself, "I'm emotionally drunk right now, I can't trust anything I'm thinking, I need to do whatever it is to get sober before I make any decisions." Videos to your past self 💯 thank you very much!

I just figured out how to manage to go to bed earlier. 🙏🏻 My emotionally sober self has to decide for my less emotionally sober self to stick to a routine, even if she doesn't feel like it and thinks binge-watching Heidi's videos is more fun than going to bed early! 💜 Goodnight everyone...

I love the concept of emotional sobriety. I realised I'd been aware of the fact I can become 'drunk' with emotion and make decisions that were impulsive at certain times particularly at night. I made a rule for myself that I will not make big or important decisions when I am particularly negatively emotionally activated or at night time because these are times when I tend to make impulsive decisions that I regret later. There is nothing restrictive about putting rules like this in place, you're just acknowledging that there are predictable states where you're less likely to make a balanced decision and times when you are more likely to do so.

Do people really not live ‘in story’? This is my first time hearing this term (and finding your videos) and I’m realizing that I’m constantly in this state. It’s so hard to fathom being able to just live and not constantly have some interpretation or narrative of what’s happening going on in your head.

You post so consistently, it's so comforting ❤

The show 'The Bear' has very good demonstrations of various emotional intoxications referenced in this video and has each person learn to regulate and find respect for themselves and each other. Would recommend it to anyone who wants to see things from the outside a bit

To anyone reading this. The quickest way for me to get into a secure state was to allow myself to feel all the feelings from when I was disregulated and become aware that I was purging these feelings out of my body. I’m not a psychiatrist just sharing my experience after struggling for years to “just do the right thing/make the conscious choice ” mentally. Your body needs to be able to do it to.

Something I don't think is talked about enogh is the role of community, a sponsor, and group therapy in sobriety. When you can help someone else with the same problem it expands your mind. Also, the regular exposure to other people who are also aware and working on the same issues as you can help you build a truly healthy support system.

Heidi- as someone who has, in retrospect, felt anxiety and depression (a sense of alienation and disassociation) from a young age, I started working on mindfulness in my late 20s - and it momentarily blew me away that I could use all my senses to be in the present moment. Since then I have run the gamut of psychological self help and tools though my own research. But, at age 42, your clear, concise, and LUCID! -videos have clicked for me in a way that nothing else has. They’ve made my relationships stronger and more authentic- after realizing what boundaries actually are (not telling someone what to do or where to go) and how to recognize them. You’ve taught me what attachment systems are and which I use in most of my relationships (at first I thought anxious- but now I realize fearful avoidant (the most fun system of all!😜)). I have learned though listening to you that although I can co-regulate with another person when we are mutually in agreement to do so, I don’t have to rely on others to self regulate. I can rely on myself. And just having that knowledge somehow stops me from pining for the other person to so something I “need” them to do. I have become aware of when my responses to situations or people are bringing me to a place of neurological activation. I don’t suppress anger as much. I use it as a tool.. along with shame. Another gem you have given me the moment to consider what feeling I am trying to avoid when I’m going to have an edible or a drink of alcohol. This curiosity has made it so that I am not just saying blindly to myself “you’ve been drinking too much, stop/slow down/you promised yourself…”. I don’t actually feel the desire nearly as often because the reward for getting in touch with my authentic self is far to rich. I have recommended you to numerous people in my life- and the ones who listen seem to resonate deeply with your coherent, accessible, laser focused delivery. I think you are onto something and you should keep going with it. You are an inspiration and have a natural talent that mixed with your education can continue to have far reaching affects on people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Brian

Im noticing Ive been having big feelings around grief and loss of limerant connections, and have begun to see my lack of emotional sobriety in so many of my relationships. Ive been feeling extra depressed but I also feel like Im starting to process years of pain. Thank you for another great video Heidi!! Im so grateful for content like this.

Your channel is THE place to find the right answers to mental health issues most of us experience. Thank you, Heidi!!! You are SO helpful!!!

Dear Heidi, you just keep knocking it ouf the park, one helpful video to my healing journey after the other. And each time, I'm elated to find comments from so many others whose lives you help improving. Thank you, wholeheartedly

Well done. You have a gift for communication. The term is a bit abstract. Your description emphasized the balance and not any avoidance. I believe that is a helpful distinction.

WOW my mind was just blown. This fills in SO many blanks as to what went wrong in past relationships...lack of emotional sobriety! Thank you so much for this.

Love you too Heidi. Another sobering video. I actually came up with my own definition of sober many years ago while I was on my journey of self-reflection. " Sobriety is understanding the difference between need and want and being able to live absolutely content with only what you need. Only then will you find true joy in your life". Not to say you can't have the things you want. But it's learning to be grateful even in the moments when you don't have the things that you want. And another saying that I've always used when talking to people is... "Want what you need. Don't need what you want". Only because it goes hand in hand with my previous statement. 💁

I feel emotionally intoxicated with anxiety and anticipatory grief every time I see my mom. I love her so much and she was my first and primary attachment figure and I don't want her to die. She has almost died twice in the past 4 years, has permanent lung damage and other chronic health issues. She is not well and the last time I saw her several days ago she gave me 6 pages of stuff to do after she dies since I will be in charge of funeral planning and her estate. I've already lost 4 relatives and 3 pets within the past 8 years and don't want to go through any more grief and loss. I know I just need to suck it up and deal with it because no one lives forever though. I am trying to be emotionally sober and take good care of myself but this is hard. Thanks for the tips.

Really wish I hadn't started this video right before bed because it resonated so much harder than I expected, and now down the rabbit hole I go, lol

that was the most relatable story about wanting to call everyone to come to the bar

I wanted to thank you, not only for your incredible content, but also for referring us scapegoats to Rebecca Mandeville. The two of you have been better than all of my therapists put together.

Thank you! I needed this video ❤

Great video! Thank you ❤🙏

This is awesome! Thank you ❤

I appreciate you, Heidi!

So good! Thanks for posting. To me this explains the polarization in politics, people have been manipulated to be triggered all the time, so they are now addicted to being drunk on emotions, whether it’s anger or the self righteous virtue warrior, it’s all addiction.

Thanks Heidi for another great video. Keep up the good work!

Heidi, I’ve been watching all your videos about dismissive avoidant attachment style and seeing a lot of myself in them. Recently I talked with my therapist about the things I’ve learned and am trying to internalize and she said I’m “kicking ass” at personal growth. Thank you for helping me to understand myself.

This is really good stuff!

Thank you! This was a timely video and makes a this process feel better!

I had a friend say she was addicted to people. She said she constantly needed to talk to someone, text, or listen to people on tv in order for her to feel safe. She said she taking 30 days to start recovering from her impulse to reach out to people when she has feelings. This impulse is much different than reaching out for help it was a inability for her to be lone with her self a not depend on a outside source.

Your content is so freakin helpful. Thank you so much!!

I know I need to work on these points, great video

I just started watching and your stuff really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.

Brilliant video! Thank you so much, Heidi!

Such a wonderful video~ thank you Heidi. New to your channel, and loving it❤

Very helpful video! Thanks for posting!! ❤

WOW🤔. Emotional sobriety… that’s a helpful way to look at it. I’ll need to watch this video several times. It triggers a fear/deflection response right now but it resonates deep down. I will keep working at understanding it. I’ve been through DBT classes several times and “Wise mind” was always the hardest for me to understand… or maybe “claim” would be a better way to put it. Am I overly self indulgent of the traumatized inner child so avoid the need to strengthen my “wise mind”? Too much into supporting her deeply emotional response? IDK. My violent trauma came at 2 months old. Creating a sense of love and security for such a young “me” is a challenge but I’m getting better at identifying when she needs my love and support. To convince her that we no longer live in those nightmare three days. Thank you so much for your straightforward and supportive style when explaining these options for healing. Your videos pop up just when I seem to need to think about such things. 👍🏼👏🏼

Heidi, thank you for being you and for doing what you do! ❤

Valuable content, thank you

Thank you for this video helping me on my journey

Thank you so much Heidi, so greatful for you and the knowledge you share with us!🙏❤️

Heidi your videos are a true blessing in this world 🙏🏽

So important to be able to share a situation with a friend and have them see everyone's good, not just side with me. I value that. And I love the part about making rules for when we are feeling "off". Simple rules that a 4 year old can follow. :)

That was so well articulated. Thank you for this video. I absolutely needed to hear this. Love your channel.

I am learning what shame and guilt feels like. Thank you for the video.

Thank you Heidi that was one of the most interesting and helpful video I have watched in a long time. Much food for thought 🤔🤔

They're like a hug for my soul.

Great job. Thank you so much. Lots of practice this daily

Immensely grateful for these videos, you’re helping me heal so much.❤

my version of notes: Step 1: emotional sobriety vs. not, how to tell difference. Emotionally intoxicated: regret is a sign of (story telling? long convoluted story about who this and that comparing greatly to one another intense emotions or dethatched emotions emotional sober: rational and respecting one another including self even if you dislike yourself or someone. it doesn't have to be more than that. step 2: Notice both and try to choose sobriety as much as possible notice and name triggers triggers: family, some types of girls, trading crypto, poker step 3:action plan to deal with emotional intoxication make them incredibly simple(if this, then that) ex: if in the presence of person x: only use i language rules: step 4: work and sit with difficult emotions(not doing this builds neuroticism) integrate shame, step 5 relationships seek comradery not savory from pain (were all in this together) lastly(stay realistic) the people you surround yourself with helps you stay or not emotionally sober

Heidi, your psychoanalysis are always on point! You are amazing and I'm extremely grateful for your channel! ❤❤❤

How do you always address exactly what I need?? Thank you Heide. You are a gem.

You’re incredibly good at this. Keep it coming.

Thank you SO much for sharing. It’s helped me with communication in my relationships a ton ❤

this could not have been at a better time, thank u and every single person needs to watch this twice

Thank you, Heidi!

I'm so grateful for your videos, I didn't know how much I needed this insight.

Very useful and eye opening information. Thank you!

Thank you! It has always appealed to me as well, but I didn’t quite grasp it. ❤️🙏🏻

YOU are amazing!❤

I love this!! I will have to listen many more times!! Thank you! 🙏🏻

Thank you for this amazing content ❤️

Always so grateful to see a new video from you bc I know it's going to be goooood! Thanks for all the work you put into your videos.

Thank you! I know your videos will help me!

Heidi, Your content is viscerally helpful. It is actionable, which is so rare. Thank you, so much.

Great video - thank you!

Thank you so much for being here and the information you share. I love your videos and how you present the information. You're a life saver.

You are mentioning a lot of fascinating concepts, that really do make sense to me. Thank you.

This concept is AMAZING and tonight is the first time I’ve ever heard of it. Thank you for sharing!

This is very useful. Thank you.

The methodical steps are very helpful , thank you .

I'm in AA and have heard this term and thought it could be useful to others. Good eye

Preach Heidi, preach!! You are so good at this ❤ Your content helps me MASSIVELY every time, without fail. Thank you for your work 🙏

Wonderful informative and insightful message. Thank you.

Heidi, your videos are always so eye opening and loaded with compassionate understanding. What a healing force you are, thank you.

Heidi, your vids are spot on. Thank you. I watched one last night and today, a change was made. A breakthrough of sorts. Baby steps... But the direction has changed, for the better. Thank you!

Thanks for sharing this important message. We could have used this 30 years ago but I’m glad we’re becoming so much more aware because of media. Because of you.

With your example of the four drinks I will forever see the four of cups tarot card as emotional sobriety:) thank you for your content it’s been extremely supportive!!

Your videos are incredibly insightful and illuminating! My favorite channel ! 🙏

Your videos are so helpful to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us

This is such valuable advice ❤ I would reference feeling "sober" when single in my stream of consciousness journal entries, and after watching your vid I've gained so much insight into why i felt that way. Thanks Heidi!

Wow….those self protection rules are SUCH necessities, I wish I had known 20 years ago.

Thanks you for your content, it really helps me to process my feelings post-therapy. It is good to know that there are tools to open new perspectives into my psychoanalysis and further healing to take full responsibility of life choices in intimate relationships.

Super! Especially the hidden aspects of not being emotional sober and having friends with similar emotional challenges.

I’ve heard this term lately from a few KZfaqrs and have no idea what it is! Excited to learn!

Great topic.

Thank you so much for this enlightening Video - you are a angel to this world with this KZfaq Channel 🙏🏻

I am playing this for my SUD clients for group therapy thank you so much for providing this information. I even learned a lot about my healing journey. Thank you for all you do!

Thanks!

Authentic, very informative, inspiring.

this was very eye opening for me i personally have experienced a sort of tunnel vision in moments of distress and emergencies, while it had saved me a couple of times, it had also caused me to act recklessly and I had suffered extreme consequences from being too reliant on that emotional response thank you for making the content that you do!

I just love your videos! My journey of healing led me to a 12 step program and it completely transformed my relationship to myself and others. I've been learning to apply this to all areas of struggle in my life and it helps a lot. I love this term of emotional sobriety.

Not only are her videos incredibly insightful, but she is looking more beautiful each video she makes and this one is stunning.

Your videos are a huge help for me on my self awareness/self love journey. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and wisdom 💞

This video came at the perfect time. I just started this healing journey three months ago… its been intense. Your insights are clear and you explain it so well. Thank you so much ❤

Thanks! ❤

I feel like your videos are you practicing ted talks in your room. They are always so full of concise and extremely useful information.

Thank you for this video. I recently began attending ACA meetings and have heard the term emotional sobriety but didn't really understand it. I have not been practicing it and now I can begin to. Your message is very clear and understandable. This video is very helpful to me :)