Rupam

Thanks for sharing, Lionel. Congratulations on 50 years without a drink! That's epic.

That's a great example, Creative Spaces. Great listening makes such a difference. Excellent example. Thank you for sharing that.

My RA sat next to me, not facing me, and listened to what I was saying. I miss him so.

You've met a gem in your RA doctor.! Unfortunately, many doctors today lack empathy. They would blame it on technology. Yes, to a point. However, they could take a moment to read up on your chart. Then turn and look at you and listen. But they don't. Sad.. happy you finally found a dr that cares and values you as a whole person not just a number with chart on anIPad. Hopefully your doctor will offer ways to aid you in dealing with your pain. 🥰

Thanks, Mark. Miss you, too, man.

Your comment made my day! Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

You're so welcome, Ernesto. I appreciate your kindness and I'm glad the videos are helpful.

Great comments and examples, Michele. Thank you for sharing.

Listening in a way that shows a person is trying to deeply understand is a form of listening that communicates love in the best/purest sense. Being heard and seen, is the best feeling ever. It is a balm to the nervous system.

I'm come from Varanasi (FEA) 😊

Rohit is here.

Saad is here

I came here from fea 🤣

Which branch?

Me 🙋‍♂️

Glad you liked it, Lisa. Thanks for your encouragement.

❤Love from FEA palam branch

Yssssssssssss

Bhajanpura branch 😅

Patna

Baigan🍆

Ah, yes. The distractions really do harm our connections. Good point. It takes an investment to connect well with others.

Welcome🎉

You're welcome. Glad it was helpful.

That's awesome. You've got a good one! :-)

I hope the tips are helpful, Anjali.

Welcome student

Thanks again. :-)

Thank you, D. I appreciate that. :-)

Thanks

Thank you!

Thank you!

Yes I'm

It's a hard question but an important one. For me, when I can tell that the other person really does *_want_* to understand and genuinely respects me, I'll work on making amends or letting them make amends. If I can tell that they desire conflict in some way, I'll put distance between us.

It's a good idea but I don't have my own clip of that to upload. I'm guessing that there are other videos on KZfaq that show a live sample.

Thank you so much

My wife does the same for me. She's an amazing listener.

@@alexanderlyon glad to know this

Hi, Betty. Good question. The short answer is, there's a time for empathy and there's a time for managing healthy boundaries. For toxic people (who are committed to being toxic), it's best to manage your distance and boundaries with them. You're quite right in that when we indulge them with great listening they are very likely to just continue ranting. I will typically encourage toxic people to speak directly to the person they are ranting about (rather than talk to me), I ask them what they are going to do to make things better, I essentially push them toward developing their own solution. I don't offer solutions directly (at least I don't do it more than once). When and if they come back to me, I say something along the lines of, "Well, like I said last time we talked about this . . ." When they see that they're not going to bait us into putting gasoline on the fire, they'll see that you have your limits. So, it's really not about empathizing like I'm talking about in the video. The video assumes you're dealing with a relatively healthy and normal person and I'm assuming viewers want to work on their own listening skills. But, with less emotionally healthy people, you have to manage your own boundaries so they don't make your life worse.

Great question and great response here!

I hear you. I often feel the same way. I don't have any easy answers for you. Sometimes, people _do_ want their problems fixed and fixed fast. But, that's not what empathy is about. Many times, we just want somebody to be there for us. And, some problems aren't so easily fixed. Many times, advice can sound pretty generic and almost cheap. Advice doesn't communicate much about the relationship. Really listening and empathizing makes a bigger investment in the other person. But, I really do hear you, P. I have heard many problems that had obvious answers that the other person just didn't want to talk about.

I have a more recent and related video, "What Is Empathy" that might help.

Hi, Kyia. You're asking an excellent question. I honestly should make a brief video about this topic because I've done it like that as well. I don't have all of the details and all of the moment-to-moment timing of your conversation but it sounded like it might have been a time to just continue in more of a pure listening mode for a while and wait a lot longer before bringing up your mom's passing. You could have, for example, briefly remembered what it was like to lose your mom but not yet mention it aloud yet in the conversation. Internally, that would have helped you put yourself in his shoes emotionally. You'd _relate_ to his loss in your head but not in the conversation (just yet). Maybe ask more follow up questions/prompts like "Tell me more," or "What other feelings does that bring up?" or other brief prompts like that. Sometimes, that can be accomplished with just "uh huh," or "I hear you" and some genuine empathetic eye contact that'll allow them to keep talking as long as they need to. Essentially, just listen and empathize until it's getting clear that he's processed it all for a good long while. It can feel to others as if we've jumped into the conversation too soon or as if we have changed the subject if we share our experience before the other person is all done sharing theirs. If it were me, I'd even then double-check, before putting the attention on me. "Do you want to keep talking about it?" or, "I have something to share that this is bringing up for me but I want to be sure you keep listening to you until you're ready." Or, "Would it be too soon if I talked about what this is bringing up for me?" And, then, just make sure the conversation still essentially sticks to what he's been sharing. So, keep your talking turn brief and then relate back to his experience. Like, "I'm not sure if this relates but when my mom passed, I felt a deep sense of loss that . . .[details go here] . . . is that how your situation feels for you right now?" It might, in other words, be an issue of listening and empathizing longer (possibly a lot longer) without yet sharing your story until he's truly done sharing and processing. It's a bit like therapy, really. A therapist listens 95% of the time and his/her prompts and questions are short and the conversation is virtually always about the client. Sorry for the long answer. This is all a really really important aspect of empathy.

@@alexanderlyon no worries about the long reply. It was thorough & I understood. It was difficult cus it was over text but in the future, in person I will take note of what you have suggested. Thank you so much! I have checked out your empathy & listening videos too. I appreciate what you’re doing. God bless you!

Ah, over text. That does change the dynamics even more. God bless you too.

I'm also bruuhhhhh

Kesi lgi video @alok

Mst

@@Sachin_chaurasiya_08 जहर थीं भाई

Hm video

@@09akashverma78 चल बता क्या सीखा वीडियो से

Good question. In that case, I would try to remember an experience where it did matter to me that I'd lost something. Or I'd think about a time when I didn't get something that was important to me. I have a video titled _What is Empathy?_ that might be helpful.

My sister who talks non-stop.

No you can't 🌈