That will be number 4. Cutting in during conversations because of the excitement of what I have to say. I need to work on this

Active Listening - 1. Commit, make the concious decision of making the conversation a priority. Relax, breath, slow down, and take your time. 2. Practice - keep making the attempt whenever engaging in conversations. 1. Non-Verbal Communication, show non-verbally you're listening no distractions. Pay attention to what Non-Verbal cues they're giving you while talking. 2. Verbal communication, ask a good question, after, stop and listen to their response. Using Small utterances - shows and keeps you engaged. Saying a word or two - "yeah" or "I hear you". Doesn't have to be full words, "mm", "ahh". 3. Responding to what someone said - A. You ask a Question, B. They Respond (don't interrupt), C. Informed responds. Show them they've been heard. This can be by asking another question and/or reflecting back what you heard. 4. Keep the focus on them & Let them Talk - make the decision it is about them talking, resist the temptation to jump in. Keep your comments or questions concise. Stick to whatever topic they're interested in. Keep half of the conversation about them.

I think the key to active listening isn't necessarily saving up questions to ask after the other person is done talking or nodding your head while the conversation is going on. I think the major thing for me is just being genuinely interested in what that person has to say and being present in the moment

Im here for personal growth

I AM GUILTY of speaking over people and aim to make the change starting today. I've learned so much about myself and how poorly skilled I am at listening. Thanks again and again!

It’s so nice to read these comments and seeing that I’m not the only one who needs to work on their active listening. It makes me feel a little more accepting of myself. I was feeling ashamed of myself for being 18 years old and poor listener.

We have an epidemic of people speaking over one another. I see it constantly, even in professional settings such as Director meetings. It irritates me so badly, I really have to say an internal prayer for patience.

The urge to interrupt midway through listening, even if it's just for clarification is pretty strong sometimes, which is something I need to work on.

I really need to work on “not jumping in.” I sometimes feel as though I am super excited to hear the fun stuff in a story and want to prove that I’m listening by sharing my similar stories as assurance. I now am fully aware that that is not how it really works though. Work in progress, thankfully there are some many opportunities to practice and get better.

Sharing is caring. they respond -> you give an informed response (you reflect what they just said.) i. Or you can ask another follow-up question. It's a rabbit hole. ii. Don't just look at them--emotionless, speechless--because that's creepy and that kills the momentum of the conversion you try to build in the first place. 4. Keep the focus on them and let them talk. a. Have it in your mind that all of this is going to be on the other person talking. b. To be interesting, you need to be interested.

This video was helpful and gave great examples for me to understand the concepts of active listening. I struggle with focusing on the person talking and not interrupting them with my own thoughts and opinions. My mind wonders immediately 😞 and often can be very emotional to what others are saying. I really want to improve my communication skills for the sake of my personal and career development.

Active listening is such an important skill to foster trust and respect with someone. Of all the communication skills to learn, for me, this one will make the most impact. Thank you.

I need to work on in the third one which is "Active listening involves responding to what somebody just said." I don't usually respond if someone is talking, I just nod and agree to them with no corresponding suggestion and question. To be a good listener, I learned that don't just look at them-emotionless, speechless. Instead, listen carefully and focus to the topic so that you will get an interest to respond.

Great videos! I love the 3rd quality that you shared on active listening - responding to what somebody has just said. You broke it down into simple ways which people can follow. 1) Ask a question 2) They respond 3) Informed respond

Decision: Iam an active listener ❤️ The first rule of my speaking is: listen! "I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening"- Larry king

‘Just shut up’ hahaha. Honestly the best advice I’ve ever heard. I always feel I have to talk for anyone to care about my existence. I need to ask questions and be there to hear other people share their thoughts and feelings with me.

I need to work on more on asking good questions. Maybe sometimes It's because I am not listening actively. But also, I think most of the time it's because I don't have the courage to ask questions. Need more courage and more practice though. Thanks for this very helpful video.

I actually needed the Most work on all 4 of them

Coach I realized even more over the weekend that I am a horrible listener.. since I started watching your videos you have helped me I'm Way More aware of how bad I really am. I am a truck driver and I spend a lot of time alone. I don't get on the CB and talk to people. Most days I may hear from someone 4 times a day in phone calls. I basically isolated myself from everyone.. My wife deserves a huge award for putting up with me. My confession is I only listen when I hear something interesting or what I want to hear. Also if it's not important to me I fake listening. I interrupt people. Notice the I statement s. We'll there's two more. I Will confess My faults by being a better listener. I want her to notice that change in me. ( Not with my words but by my actions) . I have a severe case of Headupinbuttis. Thanks Coach

The tips that i need to work on is tips number four which is "Keep the focus on them and let them talk " because sometimes when someone talking or doing something, i easily distracted and I'm fully aware of this that's why I need to practice and changing this kind of habit to be a good listener.

I thought I was a good listener until I met my current friend. He constantly reminds me that I "don't listen." Meanwhile, I am blaming my hearing impairment as the reason for my lack of listening skills. I was born with moderate to profound hearing loss. Now I realize that listening to understand takes skills and patience. I never knew that I have to response to what is said by summarizing and follow up questions. I do have that emotion less face because I am still processing what I heard and "ok or I agree" is the quickest way to acknowledge someone but it's doesn't give me the time that I need. And most of the time, I barely catch everything. And that's when people think I am ignoring them because I didn't respond right away. I can see why a person would stop talking because I am struggling.

It is amazing how if you listen selfishly, it is felt emotionally, often in the other. Whether subconscious or not, the other will pick up on that selfishness. Working on this. Thank you for your time and space.

Great video, I have always struggled with actively listening but recently I have improved at it; my struggling was because of me not being patient with the speaker and not caring from time to time but I really want to turn that around more and more with God's help and whomever he may use. Thank you again for the video!!

I had a lot of friends who don't listen to me actively. Like for example you tell them how bad your day was, just wanting them to listen and not necessarily give advice or an answer. But then all of a sudden they turn to how bad THEIR day was and now it's YOUR job to make them feel better. It's alright but sometimes after the conversation instead of feeling better you just feel worse :(

It is sometimes hard for me to think on a follow-up question. Would love to hear more about that. Thank you for you videos by the way. I really do think it makes me a better listener and compassionate person.

This is where many marriages struggle when there is little or no active listening on the part of one or both parties. I agree, Alex, good communication which incorporates active listening is a choice! I'm definitely going to share this video with a certain someone. 😄😃😉

One of the things I enjoy about listening, is that I can lead someone to mention what they like, tell them I didn't know about it and would like to learn more, and they would be talking about it with joy and minimal input from me. I think we all know that when talking about something we like, we exhibit our most positive traits, and that's what I want: get to learn what is good about the person I'm talking to.

Having done this course I highly recommend it.

I hate my brain. I even got distracted while listening to this video. I don't know what I am going to with me. This is so frustrating.

Update: Free Class and Resources: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources Other Classes from Alex: www.alexanderlyon.com

Thanks for this. I need to work on point 4 definitely. I'm an habitual, jump in and turn conversation to myself or tell my story kind of guy. I'm fully aware of this, and will practice on changing this habit.

You have no idea how much this is saving my life right now. Saving friendships and a relationship. Thank you so much for this. I have it on repeat. As well as the "comprehensive listening" video. Thank you.

What I find most challenging is 3. giving an informed response - it's so hard not to butt in and tell my "similar" experience.

I am glad I watched this video. I need to work on NOT jumping into a conversation with my story or trying to change the subject when it's between me and another person. I want to learn to actively listen more, which helps me with responding.

I need to work on responding with words. Recently I acknowledged that I should do some facial expressions when engaging in a conversation and now when I watched your video, you made me realize my reaction when I’m not responding at all only hearing and struggling between myself to fully understand what is it the other person is talking about. Thanks for the help! May Allah the greatest bless you too 🤝

Man. I need to work on all 4! I’m excited because these tips will help both personally and professionally. Thank you.

I think I struggle most with responding to whatever people say. It's sometimes so tough to think on the spot especially when I'm tired or when they are giving short responses. Would appreciate another video on that :))

For me, number 4! I tend to bring up my own story at times, after the person speaks of whatever the subject is about but for me, I do that to let the other person know that I understand what they're experiencing and that they're not alone.

The fourth quality of active listening stood out for me. I will ensure to practice it with my students in class henceforth when I am teaching. Thanks to sharing

This lesson need to hear also in primary school so that at an early age they learn to listen correctly. I am 16 y/o but just tonight i was learned the importance of active listening

I’m a salesperson by profession & by training, and boy how sales people love to talk. But my many years of continuous sales trainings taught me one key communication principle: People generally don’t like to be”told” (i.e. like a parent to a child, that is). So when we say something or “tell” people whatever, it equates to “pushing” them. As a matter of their experiences, knowledge, or their “pride” (read EGO) they may disagree with what is being said (i.e. “told”). On the other hand, questions tend to “pull” people towards the speaker. When speakers ask “questions” they involve the listener, and in fact, show the great respect by asking them to respond, regardless … “telling” pushes … questions pull! In two-way communication or conversation, egos play a key role. And egos being fragile may affect communication goals. In my selling profession, I learned that “customers” don’t like to be “told.” Customers want to have a say, always! Hence, a professional salesperson must have active listening skills in order to sell. Average salespersons like to do the talking and feel insecure if they shut-up. But a professional one learns how to listen and uses questions skillfully. When a customer asks: “Do you have it in red?” The response is not a flat “yes.” The salesperson puts the customer center stage by the client saying “yes” themselves! Responding … “Do you want it in red?” … giving the client center stage to say … “Yes, I want it in red!” Communications is a partnership between speakers and listeners, henceforth, both should have speaker & listener skills and be ready to switch places in the course of their interactions. 🙏

Interrupting is something for me to be careful not to do because THAT happens when I AM listening, but their story reminds me of something I personally connect to or experience. The biggest thing for me to work on is LISTENING - not merely HEARING them. If not careful, I can get carried away in my own thoughts (even if about something to remember to do that day) and I'll realize I really haven't heard what they've been saying. It's especially hard if I am bored, pressed for time, or just have no interest or understanding of their subject. Another frustration for me is when I make a good start at listening to them, but all they want to do is talk about themselves, with no interest shown in me or my thoughts... eventually (shrugs shoulders), I just give up.

I learnt that I have to maintain my listening posture and observe the posture and expressions of person who is speaking. I've to ask them brief thoughtful questions and let them answer and until then I've to be patient. When they are done talking, I can either continue with a follow up question or respond to them via my reactions with a not so long verbal statement. I personally am eager to let people know my story but I hardly have interest in their so I choose to focus on their side of story and will try my best to make the first of conversation about them while practicing above mentioned skills also. Thankyou so much for making this video!

I just started training in a Call Center and this video has helped me a lot!!

I Can relate with you completely I truely follow. 1-- Verbal and non verbal. 2-- verbal by asking... questions... Or giving some reactions ... 3-- giving same related info what they just said 4-- yes more importantly we have listen ... That's very important... I've to work on -- listening them more . While they speak I put some questions and I relate with them with some same sort of info but still I don't let them to speak more ..😆😆😊👌👌 Waiting for next video !?

Hi! Mr. Alex Lyon , the suggestions given by you in this vedio is really awesome 👏 . The thing should I need to put into practice is maintains a better interaction with speaker by the help of perfect non-verbal communication.

I had trouble with interrupting to show I was relating/listening. This was helpful because now I know following a rhythm and and just sticking on topic is enough

For years I thought it was me who was unclear in my speech. I was astonished to find out it was my listening skills that affected my speaking skills. After research on active listening and putting I the effort I have become a better conversationalist. There are times when a person will go on and on and so must break rules. I understand how other people had trouble talking with me. In conclusion learning and practicing these techniques will change your life

Simply wanting to hear myself talk so I need to work on truly becoming a listener throughout the conversation and letting myself know mentally that I’ll let the other person do the talking even when I want to jump in and talk ahead. Listening has always been a weak point of mine. It’s not that I’m not empathetic. It’s just that I love talking and often times I’ll interrupt the other person talking just based on previous behavior

Thanks for your kind and complete explanation on this topic! I deeply agree with the fourth principle, 'keep the focus on them and let them talk', but the question is, what should I do when I talk with the person who is talking based on the same principle, especially in 1 on 1 conversation? The people in such a conversation may seem to look like being so passive without active expression about themselves. Could I ask you a good solution to prevent the ironic situation?

I really need to work on my active listening in general, but mostly during work meetings, where most of these tips sadly don't apply. Not only am I muted during the vast majority of these meetings, but in the vast majority of that vast majority, the speaker probably isn't even aware I exist since I am one of at least 50 participants. So responding, verbal communication, and keeping the focus on the only person allowed to speak aren't really issues, lol. However, one tip that absolutely does apply is committing, or non-verbal communication. Because I am an unseen and unheard participant, I always take my need to participate lightly and busy myself with work I feel I'm behind on or I just take a break by browsing on one of my devices. I need to work on being more engaged with the meeting and paying full attention to what's being said.

Amazing... Thank you for this. For so many years I have been on the recieving end of this experience. Very frustrating and after time creates a short temper. Thank you so much for this.

I believe making human connection is key...and all else follows. Thanks for the tips in your video Alex.

I think that fully committing to listening is really rewarding. Also, getting interrupted is not all bad. Sometimes it means that people ARE listening, and they agree/ disagree. So on some occasions I like getting interrupted!

Hi Alex! My daughter just shared your video with me and I look forward to seeing and listening to more of them. Thank you! I think NVC is the most difficult thing for me. I tend to be doing things while I'm 'listening' so eye contact suffers and the potential to be distracted increases...

I would benefit from practicing listening skill #3 of "responding appropriately" not just silence after, but responding with something thoughtful that lets the speaker know that I just heard, and tracked what they were saying.

you can tell i’m bad at listening bc i’m scrolling through the comments rn instead 🤦‍♀️

I think everbody know naturally How to listen actively if they are interested of the person infront of them .. if they don’t care about the person then , they choose to activate passiv listening It’s a choice everybody have the skill naturally

Excellent points- most important is putting and shutting any device completely off and out of sight. Next, you hit the nail on the head with listening fully and particularly to comment on even a very insignificant part of their story. For example, in your diving example, ask how long it takes to become certified and where would they like to dive they haven't had a chance to and why? This kind of attention really separates you from the pack. One last point on body language, one key characteristic to body language is look at their feet. If one is pointed towards a doorway or exit, let them out of your conversation and that you respect their time.

I am a younger sibling from a big family I got used to having to interrupt in order to be heard as everyone always talked over each other. So, I have been trying to get better at active listening and waiting my turn and being mindful of my responses and most of all asking questions about them my mind usually goes strait to something I experienced and then my mind relates it and so I end up replying that way more often, it's a hard habit to break. This video was helpful.

I need to work on all the tips!! I appreciate your content.

*Fea students attendence here*

I like how you put this video together: clear, step by step etc. But there is one thing I'd like to correct if you don't mind :) The original form of active listening defined by Carl Rogers never contained questions. As a consultant psychologist trained in person-centered technique learned to avoid questions. Rogers himself never came up with questions in his conversations. I know coaches like ask questions, but the original active listening method recommends to avoid it. One of the reason is that the question comes from us, not from the client/patient, and it can lead him/her to a wrong direction. The other one is that if him/her don't want to go that direction, he/she could feel frustrated. This is not what we intend to achive with our clients ;)

That would be 1 and 4. Thank you Coach Alex, I walk away, get tense or signals fade on the phone. But the number one thing I need to do is fully listen in EVERYTHING! And not deprioritize any aspect!

I’ve got my first job at little Caesars today and I’m getting trained by another employee and I’m super nervous cuz I’m horrible at listening

I'm most interested in those who are interested in the subject at hand.

One of the tips that I want to work on is Tip #4 which is "KEEP THE FOCUS ON THEM AND LET THEM TALK" because, sometimes when there's talking infront of me, I easily distracted for such simple things like uncertain thoughts in my mind, looking around and wondering. Not paying attention and ignoring what they've said.

This video really hit home. I definitely need to practice, especially when I am stressed.

Some time ago I had really put the work into being an active listener, but to my surprise what caught me off guard at times, was being asked questions, when they tried to make the conversation about me. I'd get a bit irritated and answer usually in a boring way. Is that the way to make the conversation about them or should I respond much differently?

my problem is the lack of things to say, I have social anxiety and whenever I try to talk to someone, my brain shuts down, I get nervous, I try to think of a response but it just gets awkward, I don't know what to do.

I sometimes revert to talking about me instead of making it about the other person. Great video by the way i learned the non verbal skills

Evidently, I couldn't resist. Tuned out by commenting as you spoke, sat on my hands & replayed, thanks. What a wonderful woild..it could be.

I suppose I can wait longer at the pause to make sure they’re really finished with a statement?

Timestamps: 1:42 1. Active listening involves nonverbal communication 2:23 2. Active listening involves verbal communication 3:22 3. Active listening involves responding to what somebody just said 4:48 4. Keep the focus on them and let them talk

I like the 4th one keep the focus on them and let them talk. It will help me to understand the conversation.

I think i need to work on the #4 tips which is the "Keep the focus on them and let them talk" because whenever there are people talking to me I can't stop but to interrupt to them especially when I like the topic that we are discussing and it turns out very rude because my friend won't finish her sentence without me interrupting. Im very glad to hear those tips you gave and I am working on it for me to become an active Listener.

Thanks for conversation .., its improve my self in listening power! again thankyou..

FEA students are here.😀

"First half of the conversation". Im going to try that! Thank you!

You’re Alex the lion from Madagascar?!?!? 😱😱😱😱😱

Who is here from FEA? Legend will like it.

tip # 4 keep the focus on them and let them talk this is what i want to improve my active listening skill because i quickly lose focus even if in a little destruction until at the end of the conversation Im not listening anymore, sometimes when someone speaks I also lnterfere in conversation even if it is not done yet.

U hv said it so perfectly... In such smal videoo... I wud seriously wamt my partner to undrstand this nd implemnt it in day to day talks.... It is so required... Nd wen not done frustrates me so much 🙊 Thanku so much for this video😊

FEA Wale like Karo 😂

Interesting content Alex! I normally struggle to make question at the end of a presentation, just to show involvement on the topic ... I feel bad when there's that silent from me!

I had no idea I was not actively listening! Wow thanks for the video!🙏

I struggle with this so badly. Is it weird that some conversations I lack active listening skills more than others? I will be listening but when they are don’t talking it’s like I can’t remember what they just said. You hit the nail on the head with the stone cold facial expressions. I truly need to work on this- I’m glad o found your channel. Also, to anyone reading this if you have any tips on how to fix this or what’s helped you let me know!

I love your videos and attention to detail with easy-to-follow step-by-step directions. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, we learn these skills in school and daily in practice but, we too, are susceptible to forming poor communication and listening skills. We often believe that if we're not 'saying something' we are not 'doing something.' But people are not human doers, we are human beings, and more often than not, just being present and finding the stillness in the 'experiential' moment is what people need most. Sometimes, as you stated, people need to feel validated, and often therapists are one of the few, if not only, people in someone's life who actually listen to listen without an ulterior motive. I have noticed that often, many people feel a need to talk over someone or interject out of fear of thinking they will forget what they want to talk about. However, you will often forget about what you were going to say or a question that you wanted to ask and I recommend becoming comfortable with that. It is very difficult to master listening to someone, watching their body language, and trying to process your thoughts simultaneously. Life is not scripted and when we attempt to create a scripted narrative, it creates more anxiety, not less. If the scripted narrative does not go to plan, people panic and remove themselves from being in the present moment. One of the greatest secrets I have learned is becoming comfortable with being in the present moment and becoming part of that unique moment instead of separating yourself from it. Allow it to occur organically. I also notice similar issues in a physical setting, specifically grocery stores, where most people do not leave space for cross traffic while in line, because they are afraid that someone is going to 'steal their place in line' or any other fear/anxious thought that crosses their mind (how do I navigate conflict if someone does?) It takes practice to increase your conscientiousness, situational awareness, and reduce your anxiety/fear that if someone did take your place in line, life will still go on and you can survive it. Lastly, I appreciate most your God bless you at the end; it was highly refreshing! God bless you and thank you so much for helping others learn to improve their interpersonal relationships with humility and love!

The tip about giving the floor to the other person confident that they will get to have their say is a good one. My problem is that I will often start brainstorming their ideas. In other words , throwing out all sorts of connected ideas and throwing them off course. This is okay with some people. But most feel frustrated by this. Sometimes I get frustrated if the other person doesn’t stop going on unless I interrupt. They repeat and repeat.

You asked what we'd need to work on most, for me I think it's jumping in or interrupting about me-how I can relate to what they are saying. Possibly in trying to have a "common ground" I share, but can then get carried away with "my" story. I want to be a better listener, I think it could be a secret to one of the best way's to encourage or help others.

The tips that i need the most work on is Tip number "1.Active listening involves nonverbal communication." because you can see if the listener is listening to you through nonverbal like gesture,body posture and also eye to eye contact so that you are aware that he/she is listening.

4. For me also, cutting in with my own experience. I most definitely have to work on this.

Good to know that my 'mm's and 'mhm's and 'hm's aren't just annoying sounds to fill the space when I feel like I've been too quiet.

I really need to work on all of them. Am struggling. Thanks this waw really helpful

Thank you very much for your content, Mr Lyon. I'm a leader and this soft skill is really important for us.

Thank you, it's very useful for me, especially as an English student. I'll follow your advice 😉

I need to work on not adding in my own story like you mentioned. I first realised that I did this through replies to text messages. I’d relate my experience of the subject my friend had told me about rather than responding to their experiences with acknowledgment or a question or both. Thanks for sharing this video, I’m listening 🙂🐿 P.s this comment is a good example ha ha.

Making the decision to attend is so important. I loved this video!

Great video. I struggle to listen without interrupting the person speaking. I never realized how disrespectful this can be. Sometimes, I struggle to comprehend. I hope that I can improve these skills.

Thank you! I need to work on this. I want others to feel good after having a conversation with me ESPECIALLY my family!! Thank you for this insightful and practical video 💜