Nailed it. They seem to only 'behave like a normal person' in the presence of an authority figure, someone they consider has altitude over them. Then the tyrant retreats and hides. But anyone else they deem to be just another joe, or inferior to them, now they're big, brave, and dominant! Lack of personal self-ethics---they need an external influence to 'make them behave'. Pathetic.

They pit everyone against each other. As a result, your wheels overspin and the family cannot focus on living a normal life. This gives the narcissist a sense of power.

My favorite is that i am useless. Good! As i should be. They should not be using me

Dealing with this now with my aunts. Their favorite attack now is "we are family and have always done things this way" or "grandma was afraid when she died we would all stop coming together" ... grandma passed so there is no reason for me to put up with nasty people so I can see grandma.

I stopped expecting them to be honest a long time ago. Everything that comes out their mouth sounds like a manipulative tactic and i’m normally right, it is.

It is nice to know I am not the only one suffering. I have wasted a lot of time, energy, and peace not understanding these people Real hiporcates.😊

They wear you down with game playing & even if you don't wanna play their game until they're done with you, you're in the game. Do not take the bait, dont, try to play like them,dont comprise your values to make them feel better. I say this because i have to reaffirm every day until they find new supply or one of us dies. Some people get cancer, I have terminal Narcissistic Gangstalkers. I'm not the only one. But if I'm not proactive about my disease it can spread. Thanks Dr. C

One thing a narcissist will never do is compromise; it isn't part of their strategy. My Ex, the narc used to get enjoyment out of humiliating me in public.

My father was a malignant narcissist & the last situation with a malignant partner was really psychopath stuff & it’s dangerous scary to be alone with a baby toddler bully who’s unable to control his temper 😢

My experience with people like those you describe here was emotionally infantile bullying cowards who positively get off on criticising, belittling, humiliating, undermining and sabotaging people whom they believe cannot defend themselves, because they think they own them as property. But the thing I suggest is important to see is that they desperately need you to directly fight them - there's no real sense of victory for them without resistance - so they don't even know where to begin when you put distance between them and you, and simply ignore them.

The narcissist will seek all those sly strategies to win his/her way. And there is one strategy a narcissist neglect which is seeking to live in peace with others.

I have a brother in law who is exactly like this. He’s tried to reach out with an olive branch recently to draw me back into fold. It was obvious that he and my covert sister wanted something because it’s always about what they feel entitled to. I refused to answer his call because I’m not interested in hearing what they want or waste my time explaining why I want nothing to do with them. What they did and who they are, is enough of an explanation of why I have no interest in breaking bread with them ever again.

I love you Dr.C, I consider you my surrogate Grandpa. I've never had a grandpa in my life, mother's dad died while I was in utero, my father's dad was severely alcoholic. I am the scapegoat in the family and my father is a malignant narcissist - your channel offers me much solace

#2 strategy my narc would say " If it wasn't for me." And " you haven't worked in years" . meanwhile I raised our daughter paid the bills mowed our grass PTO meetings all the dentist appointments scheduled the inspections laundry cleaned the house organized daycare all while working as a substitute teacher.

Oh my GOODNESS- the one we had in our life literally did EVERY SINGLE ONE of these!!! Oh my gosh…

Just guessing #1 You must be dependent #2 You must not be able to be comfortable acting for yourself #3 Your identity belongs and is not to be separate from them #4 You must agree with their beliefs and show interest in whatever they are focused on #5 Devaluation #6 Their outward persona #7 Triangulation #8 Isolation #9 They made you/They will break you mentality #10 Character assassination /cause others to doubt you

Humiliation, Silent treatment Stone walling, Gaslighting Narcissists target out the best qualities in us and sometimes the attack is psychological. I Finally realized that strengths is where our weaknesses.

Wouldn't glorify their behaviour by calling it tyrannical. The one next door to me yells and curses at his wife, young child and the poor little terrier. In fact he would try to start an argument in an empty room. The word is BULLY and, yes, all bullies are cowards.

Lots of insults was my ex narc's favorite strategy. You'd try to let them roll off your back, but some really hurt. He also held grudges and couldn't let things go.

I left home at 16 because of my mums narcissism. I was too young to know back then it wasn't me. I'm now 61 and she's in her 80's and it's because of her age I feel guilty and tow the line but it hurts me unbelievably to the point of panic attacks. A little old grey haired lady who can use that persona to control literally everyone. I visit every week and she insists talking every single day on facetime at my allocated time - everyone has their allocated time and they all comply. It's pure madness and it will suck your belief in yourself and confidence dry. Interestingly she says nothing to my brother because she played him against me as the golden child when growing up which is obviously another narcissist trait. I think it's when you realise that you have never been truly loved but in fact damaged continually by the one person who should have cared the most. The hardest thing to accept.

My narcissistic brother blocks two-way communication by giving monologues for hours and, when arguing, saying that I interrupt him, while he actually constantly interrupts me.

This video is the most accurate description of my father I have ever come across. I am frankly amazed.

Dr. Carter, I bet if my tyrant narcissistic husband heard this video, he would not even understand it. Would have no clue that it describes him in every way. It would be as if you were speaking a foreign language. I am thrilled to announce that I will be divorced on FEBRUARY 13th! 🎉🍾

When I was working for my TWO ex-home care clients, the older one (the one in charge) was ALWAYS making ALL the decisions. He would decide what topics of conversation to talk about, and if he was bored with something, "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH." He would pick which TV shows & movies to watch. And if he got bored, he'd CHANGE THE CHANNEL right in the middle of a story! What anyone else (including his "partner") cared about DIDN'T matter at all. I don't know how in the hell they managed to stay together for 40 years. But I suspect the younger guy (who, in his own way, was ALSO a narcissist!) just had that bad of a sense of low self-esteem. Back in the 90s, when my Dad and I would watch movies on Fridays, we'd usually have conversations afterward. In nearly every case, at some point, HE would decide, "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH." He would act like he wanted to socialize-- but ONLY to a certain point! The one exception was when we watched my favorite romantic comedy-- "HOUSE CALLS" with Walter Matthau & Glenda Jackson. Jackson's character, "Ann Atkinson", must have REALLY pissed Dad off and rubbed him the wrong way. The moment we sat down, he launched into a 20-minute-long hate-filled tirade against ALL WOMEN in general. It probably would have gone on longer, but, after 20 minutes, I stood up and said... "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH." --and walked upstairs, ending our chat session long before usual. I really wish I'd have walked off that home care assignment after the first 6 MONTHS.

You just described my spouse point by point. It's sad that after using all these strategies he has driven all three of his children away, but he blames them for the distance. I still live in the same home with him, but we live separate lives.

Insecure of the knowledge of oneself invariably leads to indefatigable narcissism and thus self-destruction.

Makes me think of a few politicians that are dangerously in power right now.

These types will use coercive control and violence, too

4:42 my ex would always retort, “I don’t have time for it” when it came to hearing my point of view or someone else’s alternate opinion. He was the most domineering scary individual I’ve ever known. He would never tolerate any conversations.

My entire 62 years I have never understood how my mother can have NO compassion or charity. She just can't understand the concept of giving anything to others and gets angry at me for doing it. I can barely stand being in the same room with her and am stuck living in my parents house helping take care of her. I just get to visit my house occasionally. So depressing I don't get to have a life.

My ex narc brought a negative energy in any room that you could cut with a knife. As time went on, I could see more & more fully disturbing features. I was already dealing with PTSD from a traumatic experience before our relationship & he knew this. This was used to insidiously manipulate me.Toward the end of our relationship, he calmly told me he had tracked down two large dogs that had run through my yard. He had spent time driving around at night looking for them, found them running across the road & ran them over. At this point, he was desperately trying to keep me with fear. Did he really do it? I'll never know, but it was used as a strategy to trigger my trauma brain. He's a sick & deranged individual. I'm thankful that I found a way out of this abusive relationship & I'm slowly processing what I've been through.

I had a brother sold me a beat up car when I was in USN. Broke down on way back to base. Bad transmission. He knew it was bad, never told me. Said he was kust trying to teach me a valuable life lesson

"Tyrants ARE Cowards " Gus is Stoic 😁👍

Perfectly put. It’s as if you literally repeated the words that came out of their mouth.

1. "Shut-down" 2-way communication 2. Remind you how inadequate you are 3. Reinforce a "one size fits all" approach 4. Always find someone to blame 5. Make others regret the fay they met 6. Truth is what the tyrant says it is 7. Lies, secrets, dishonesty are always an option for the tyrant 8. When possible, appeal to a righteous cause ("I am doing this only for you!") 9. Minimize others freedom 10. Whittle away at others' reasonable ideas Be aware: 》Tyrants are cowards through and through 》Tyrants belong to Malignant Narcissism 》Tyrants are obsessed with power 》Being dominant is their ultimate goal 》They are phony through and through 》They are profound disturbed 》Tyrants have no clue about true success 》》Significance is found by helping others 》》Be a person of integrity, dignity, respect and civility Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

"If they have to shove their own grandmother aside". I'm still with you, every day for more years than I can count, to get me through the day. A million, zillion thanks to you. Hi Gus, woof, woof!

Dr. C, you are awesome. Spot on.

Since I grew up with a lot of those traits in my family I became desensitized to it... Now I am becoming more sensitive to it and then learning how to use it as a gift..

Have had so many of these kind to deal with, and have learned they are just idiots. Your measure of greatness is how you treat others. Love builds others up. They are all about themselves. After leaving a situation and you run into them years later, they either snub you, act afraid of you, avoid you, slobber over you so you won't ream them in public. Most of them avoid you. Afraid you will call them out publicly. Guilty as charged!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! At 74 I finally learn that my mom was a covert narcissist and a sibling 3 yrs my junior is an overt narcissist and a tyrant to boot. There are 4 of us, 2 of us have always been targeted by both of them. Mom didn’t become pleasant until she hit near end of late stage Alzheimer’s. The tyrant, all you needed to do was add her name, you nailed her! Too bad you weren’t in PA. I’d ask where you were all my life but, you were in Texas, lol. I’ve shared some of your talks with my other targeted sibling who has also been blessed by them. Nice to know that it wasn’t our fault, we thought it was.

I have experienced enough of this. May I recognize it ahead of getting hurt. Btw I'm 74 today. St. Brigid's day. 🐑🐑🐑🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

I have definitely known some tyrants in my time, in workplaces, school, college and family, also in bands I was in where it should be enjoyable but one person ruins it.

Perfect timing for me. Thank you for helping me stay strong

Tyrants. The perfect word. Such an amazing video help. Very grateful. Thank you.

All of their behaviours are in my 'rear view mirror' now yet your insights continue to bring understanding and a healing to the chaos they created. Thank you for nurturing us all on the path of freedom and self respect. You are a gem Dr C 💜🐶

This was absolutely tremendous DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, Thank you so much for this, You expose and speak truth and keep it real, If they are angry, They blame you for it, Anything they do to you, They have to justify it, They don't look within themselves, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe 🌷🐎☘😊🦁🕊🌹😇🐉😘❤💚💜😃💙🌲😍🐶👽

Thank you for describing what I am dealing with, with my father. I will reach out as soon as possible for therapy. 🙏🏻

As far as shutting down 2-way communication, my tyrant’s go-to is shouting over me. I can’t finish a single sentence because of the shouting. He shouts until I give up. “Problem” solved.

For Gus🤗❤, thanks Dr C!!!

This is a good description of my mom. When she realized she lost control of me she would then target my kids or my dad. My dad was our shield protecting us from my mom even though it cost him dearly.

In another video by Dr. C, he said: "The test to see if a person is trying to be healthy is if the have conscientiousness and self control." (Paraphrased) So every time I meet a new person, or think about another's collective actions towards me, I ask, did they have any self control? Were they conscientious of my feelings as I tried to be conscientious of theirs? I weigh out why they do what they do and say what they say. If it is just about power, and they have no conscientiousness or self control as they have relationships. Then I know, they did not learn workable relationship skills that work together as a team to solve problems. They are the toddler on the team that blame shifts and lacks consideration for any problem solving issues. It is just about looking powerful. I think, they will probably run over me in the future, steal or undermine my work, and just be the perpetual obstacle rather than be the inspiration and encouragement that glues the team together. I don't want that relationship or work environment. I know how to set a better intent.

Thank you Dr C. 1 billion % correct. This video was excellent.

My Oldest Brother, All of the Above, Unfortunately he had an Assistant next brother, Layed Wast to a Family with No Worries Except Them .

This was my husband for almost 30 years. And the father of my 3 children. I hade just turned 18 when we met, and he was 43. We separated 2 years ago and he died last July. I'm now trying to heal and learn how to live my life. And make all choises for myself. Thank you for helping us understand and learn!❤ Nina

The one strategy a Tyrant narcissist never uses: Truth.

Hmmm. I took a class in advocating for battered women many years ago. I asked them, "Every bully is a coward, right?" They said no, that's not necessarily true. Or else there wouldn't be so many battered or dead women.

#5 My next door neighbor fits this to a tee.

This video content is very timely for my family. We're experiencing a sustained attack by a relative with Cluster B patterns. Thank you, Dr. C, for your insights.

Dr Carter, you're the expert, but I do wonder if they can really all be considered malignant narcissists? I have a family member who I have always believed to be a covert vulnerable narcissist, tending towards self-deprecation and victimhood. That said, she is controlling to a tyrannical level in certain situations, and uses all of these tactics to a T! She portrays herself as put-upon and abused, but uses subtle punishment tactics when you don't comply with her rules, like stonewalling and taking smug pleasure when she perceives you to be failing. Have I misunderstood the definition of malignant narcissism, or can other types of narcissists also use all these strategies to control their environment and the actions of others?

I understand team healthy, but I just love telling narcissits how average they are.

I've been on the receiving end of all of this too many times to count.

My husband would always put on ( his channel) of music in the car. I tried to put on something I liked but he would turn it back and crank it up. I also told him to turn it down cause it hurt my ears and he wouldn't do it.

Speaking of tyrant narcissists…lol. I have a question for the chat in dealing with one, if you’re so inclined to. It may seem like a silly inconsequential thing…but it happens almost daily in my world. Here’s the ask: I need a replacement word for “yeah?”. The scenario: my elderly NM comes to my bedroom door to shout her list of grievances, remarks, insults, and the like. Doesn’t matter if I’m on the phone, a video appointment, I’m the bathroom, sleeping…she just starts yelling. (I know it sounds weird, communicating through a door, but by experience if I go out in the hall without the barrier she amps up even more, follows me around the house, even lunges at me -she is so far gone with impulse control of her inner rage.) It’s safer this way. Also there a reason the door is shut re: cats 🐱. Anyway…it goes like this: NM: Kerriiii? Hellooo??? Heeeeellllloooo??? Are you there?! (All within 5 seconds…she’s already escalated to a 6 out of 10 as I’m trying to get in a reply.) ok…I go to the door so we *both* aren’t screaming and as carefully / nicely as I can say- Me: yeah? NM: yeeeeeEeaaaaaAaah??? This. This is the point where my blood starts to boil. When she mocks me. It’s my hot button for sure. And it tips me off balance for the oncoming tirade that’s about to spew frometh her mouth. I know that’s a lot of stuff…but my only ask is: a replacement word for “yeah?” That will help me hang onto my composure and not engage with the incoming assault of words. Humor chills me out, but by the time we are at the mocked yeaAaaah?? It’s too late for me. The fun part of this exercise is: she will repeat ANY word/words I say. She mocks our words constantly, so whatever she hears she will repeat it back exactly (in a sarcastic or belittling tone). I’m open to anything. Silly words or phrases. Philosophical questions. Made up words. Pretending to answer a completely different question perhaps? Sorry this is so long…I do not excel at concise writing. 😊 also this is meant to be a light thought experiment. If you want to play.

Another great installment Dr. C Sometimes I guess we just can't avoid them, in the workplace it sucks and as we need a wage you have to just suck it up, living with one must be unbearable peace to everyone, breathe deep folks.

At each other these I am asking myself 'WHEN?' was this seeping into the equation!

The perfect description of my father.

So useful, Dr C! I am a casual worker so I have the freedom to walk away from tyrant bosses, and that's just what I did last week. In the first 3 days of her tenure, she showed 8/10 of your strategies. Day 4, I found a polite excuse and gave notice. Thank you for the information. We really can identify the early warning signs when we know what to look for. Hugs to Gus and love to Mikhaila and your family xx

This is Awesome, thank you!!!! 👍👍👍👍💯🙏🙏

Just read some articles on anti social behaviour, sociopaths and psychopaths, all bits and pieces with narcs. Also I have seen in life what religious sects do to people and power games within organised religion.

i appreciate you helping us understand this better in order to maintain awareness

If you feel like you are walking in eggs shells around someone that's a sign of a narcissist.

Tyrant narcissist is using my past mistakes to keep me quiet as I depend on him for a rent reduced home I have a daughter with special needs.. he is very disrespectful.. he completely bankrupted me.. over his falling out with my brother after he cheated him on an investment

In what other videos does Dr. Les Carter talk about the "Significance Principle"? Very interesting idea because it's basically the opposite of what narcissists do.

I believe they are all clones.

Thanks Dr C. Have a great day and I love your shirt collection 😊 Susan PHX

I grew up with four of them. Both parents and both siblings. Terrifying. Emotional explosiveness. Constant physical and emotional abuse. I was the scapegoat. They ruined my life. I wish I had never met them.

@Surviving Narcissim, I'd love to hear the entire list and ways to deal with each one.

Dr.C You read my mail! Trying to figure which strategy he does Not use on people. He has someone to pick most of the time but usually his past friends have run away. He looks for people online to harass with his religious views. Being the oldest sister and him the only brother with 3 sisters now 2 since our sis next to me died in 2022 and I live in same area I’m his punching bag. After my youngest sister’s visit last summer we have not heard from him at all but he’s still sitting on our parent’s property. I wrote him and asked him to pack up and leave. He’s very angry we disagree with his ideology. We HAVE to sell the property. I think he thinks he has upper hand sitting on it. All legal documents say otherwise so he’s being an obstructionist just to harass us. Just to be a Nasty person! It’s a heart ache I wish to be rid of an move forward in our lives. He doesn’t try to be nice or respectful towards us and Mom’s needs and wishes. So we have to still deal with him. Which I hoped he would move home with his wife so we don’t have to get the attorney to move him off. It costs too much to keep the property since Mom has to have total care in our home. I quit texting & emailing him because I don’t get answers. I usually include my sister so she knows what going on. Gives me proof in the past of his behavior towards me. It was an eye opener to my sis. She got to read his nastiness towards me and was stunned. She got to see it in person their last visit. It distressed her to the point she says she can no longer deal with him. She lives far away. Still it’s a heartache as they were close when young. But he always bossed her too. We all in this family want to be done with this issue! My hubby just had knee surgery and dealing with new cancer diagnosis, things had to be sat on a bit longer. It’s been a difficult month in our home but we are so fortunate to have adult son & daughter that came to stay and help us get through the first 2 weeks. We are on 4 wks now and had bit of set back this week from bumping the knee. He needs to have labs to check the CLL. My heart is scared but he taught me to be brave and not let anything stop me in helping others. We’ve had so much cancer in our family, I’m feeling grumpy it’s here again. We almost lost our daughter with leukemia when 26. She 52 yr old survivor. She’s been so very helpful even with a full plate working 2 jobs. God bless her life! Thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest! 🙏❤️🤗

Soooooooooooo true Dr. C. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

Lol. Sounds like My last boss. Half the crew quit in three months... Eventually he got fired

Excellent! This is my veterinarian boss to a t! Yes he's a true coward so phony and the best is that once I've decided not to care it's been so much easier for me! Thank you from the bottom of my being!! ❤

In summary: A tyrant's most important to them goal is to dominate others when practicing the following tactics instead of being a loving person with integrity, dignity, respect and civility: 1. A narcissist seems to believe they are the ONLY best expert around so dialoguing with them about anything is difficult to nearly impossible. 2. They offer negative and unconstructive feedback [Along with empty sounding flattery when manipulating]. 3. They show no natural curiosity about others around them background and preferences. 4. Often fault finding and blaming others whenever things do not run as well for them. 5. If we stand up for our rights then they launch into endless series of threats until they get their way. 6. Tyrants see nothing wrong with justifying their negative behavior with their own flawed lone wolf version of what the truth is. 7. A tyrant sees nothing wrong with keeping dark secrets, dishonesty and lies while believing that should be regarded as always as only another optional strategy in life. 8. If anyone questions their way of operating in life then they repeat maxims as if they are 9. Minimizes other people's freedoms [Later when maybe taking all the credit for the labor which others have done too]. 10. When someone shares any insight to them about safety or efficiency there could be improved the tyrant often reacts by insulting them. [For example how the competitive edge might be better maintained there]

My mother. Trying to get Adult Pretective Services to take her.

Aww I missed the premier. Next time!

Dad expects to control me all my life. He is a controlling jerk!

Tyranny is the best word choice.

Yes yes and yes Thank you Dr.C ❤

Spot on, Dr Carter!

Thank you for this list Dr. C. Taking notes. Thanks for simplifying this topic for us.

Thank you.

This video affirms my own assessment of my mom. She is 💯 this type of person, even down to the invoking God in her manipulation of family, friends, and strangers. I tend to doubt my own perception and feel that I am over exaggerating things. But no, she really is this way.

People who have NPD don't see you as a person. They choose to see you as something they own, possess, control, and dominate. Again, since they generally won't acknowledge their shortcomings and refuse to change for the better and heal. You need to go no contact in order to protect the joy, peace, life, sanity, and assignment that God has given you.

🙏

General Piso's story...killing the messengers.

thank you

Great summary, and spot on! Thank you Dr C. How do we deal with such tyrants who remain in our lives? Normal coping strategies like telling them honestly how they stress you out will not do. How can we avoid dealing with them, without facing the consequences of their rage and ire for avoiding them? If we meet them randomly in public and unfortunately end up the brunt of their tantrum, what are tye hest strategies to deal with them? They are often out of control. Anyone has good suggestions?

Thank goodness he never pulls God on me!

I get it! DARVO...

Got another question but I have to give an example first. I acknowledge that my wife provides the bulk of the care for my daughter. Sometimes I'll offer a hand like maybe I'll ask if she might want some help getting our daughter ready to go to school as she's only just started school and it might be useful for me to help. My wife says no she has it under control and then later says come on I've got to take a photo of you, I do everything for you and uses it against me. is this narcissistic or something else?

i like your doggo