It's been a few years now and thought I had fully moved through but every once and awhile I get hit with emotional flashbacks and replaying some fantasy world based fully in cognitive dissonance and healthy doses of euphoric recall Seems to come around once a year or so.

I am sure all 23. I cried through your entire video. God bless you, beautiful

The fog has to lift. I have a question. Does a flying monkey soon act like a narcissistic?

Your video hit me square beteen the eyes. I feel such relief being able to understand what has happened, but I can sense that there is more to do than feel this relief. I know that I have more work on myself to do. I have gone completely no-contact for the past 3 months, and it has been so good for me. I looked at the school of transformation link, and I cannot find any sign up page... the only place I can get to is the sign in page.

😢I identify with most of them. But I identify some of the narcissistic traits

💯 relatable. It’s a very alienating experience. I remember a saying, something like. When you have a good childhood. You use those memories on a bad day to heal. when you had a traumatic one, you spend the rest of your life healing your childhood.

Oh my God you hit the nail on the head if I don't do that I swear SMH🙄😐

Wow - that's a perfect description, but I didn't fully understand the effects. I coped amazingly well when I look back on it. Until I didn't.

So sorry to hear, I can very much relate - so unfair and wicked Such a family dynamic can be very similar to being in a Nazi concentration camp 🧐 All the best

💯🎯

😢❤😊

That’s me

yes!!

Omg yes, this used to be me with my family...once I realized how horrible they were treating me everyone was shut out. You should've seen the meltdowns, that' when I truly knew just HOW dysfunctional my family was and still is. It's actually scary and I advise anyone to see professional help for this.

I have this problem horribly

Nervous disorders yess that's mee

All of them, for me

Thank you

Thank you

All 20 of these are me. So sad.😢

Wow I can relate. How does one feel oddly guilty for the dread you feel because your real life nightmare will be coming through the door soon? Feeling bad because you feel bad that you aren’t awaiting with open arms for your loved one who CHOOSES to yo yo you love, hate, live, hate. Confusion

and you're surly gonna get caught. :(

You need to leave. I know it's easier said than done, but you are responsible for removing yourself from situations that are making you that unwell.

Same. I want to escape and take my life back.

Very relatable, - your statement. I asked myself just yesterday, "where is the 'old'-me. The one that is so very opposite from the current me..."

❤🙏🏻❤

Can relate.

I know ! I was an artist ❤

I believe it's the chronic heartbreak

I've definitely been feeling chronic fatigue

@@CosmicKindness The Journey by Mary Oliver One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do- determined to save the only life you could save.

I agree because I have both and I feel like I could recover and heal if I could live in peace without being attacked and controlled by others.

@@TeaRose9 Hi, I used to have arthritis symptoms all the time when I lived with my narcissist parents, I can remember lying on my bed feeling mu hands throbbing and body aches while they would be in the kitchen screaming at each other over stupid stuff. Once you get away from all this things will get better. And even if you can't get away, having a different way at looking at it makes a big difference. What worked for me was seeing a therapist. Once I got my story out and told someone what I had gone through, I could feel myself changing. And my arthritis symptoms disappeared. Holding in emotions of abuse, constant invalidation, gas-lighting and every other damn thing narcissists do to people is the most destructive thing a person can do to themselves. Here's a poem I've always liked that is about the importance of putting yourself first. ( something narcissists don't want you to do) It's called The Journey by Mary Oliver One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do- determined to save the only life you could save.

Remember….the way they treated u is their problem, not urs. U tried to show them how u want to be treated by being kind and forgiving….and that’s all u can do…their problem with u has nothing to do with u…but rather it being their projection of themselves onto u, their scapegoat. Just refuse to react and give them vagueness as a response and indifference….theyre the problem not u…learn who u are and work in healing u….away from them

​@w8what575 That was really beautiful. How you explain that? Thank you made me feel better. It's not my fault. I did nothing wrong. I just fell in love with the man. I thought was amazing. My same values and morals. Of course, it wasn't true. Thank you again god bless you❤

It had nothing to do with you most likely. Took me a lot of years to realize that. Look at who you are as a person. Is it bad or is it good? You know your intentions and if they are good then what's really wrong with you? Nothing.

I am a 50-year-old who grew up in narcissistic home and I am here to tell you you can survive and you can overcome a lot of hurdles. The pain won't leave, but I have found peace. The peace comes from knowing it had nothing to do with me. Once I realize what was going on, I realize that there was something my mother was suffering with that she never dealt with. I worked for my mom for 20 years in hvac and I became journeyman lead installer for her. She eventually gave the business to my brother and secretary. My brother is an alcoholic who's never had his drivers license since teen anyway. My mom always catered to him and she gave him the business. He's trying to recruit me as I recently lost my job. He keeps telling me to help me. The real reason is because he needs help. He doesn't want me to know because I was very verbal about being hurt. He keeps telling me he put 30 years in and for some reason my 20 years isn't anything and he wants me to believe that. I brought up what happened and why I will not help him or why I will not accept his help whatever he wants to call it.. I was then called B word and reminded. I took a snapshot of that B word and let him know. This is exactly my problem and I will not go back to environment where it wasn't wanted in the first place. He was very upset and I told him. Yep, now you get to chew on those feelings for about three years before I come and ask you to help me now. He couldn't understand. I had to swallow the fact that everybody shafted me after 20 years of hard work for three years before he came and asked me for help which tells me that I am worthy in their eyes they just intentionally don't want you to know because then you have control. I wasn't worthy back then. It's all a game you see. Just stop playing their game . I use the word" Unacceptable" quite a bit nowadays or " I'm only responsible for my intentions and I'm not responsible for how you interpret that." They really don't know how to respond when you say those things. That's letting them know that they're twisted mine is not affecting you. I've learned it works, but doesn't make it completely go away. You have to be OK with walking away and having them be mad at you or disapprove. They will always disapprove when you walk away. You got to learn to walk away with that chin up letting them know this game is over. Don't even talk to him after that don't listen to their excuses or the daggers that you're gonna eat. Shut the switch off walk away until they can behave. If you have to walk away permanently, so to save your own sanity. You will not change anyone of them .❤

Me too. The damage that weak, pathetic man child inflicted on me is something I feel so ashamed of alongside the wreckage of my life.

Narcs are bad programmers of children, with bits of bad code causing problems. It can't be completely erased, so the right approach is to shrink it down so small, the real you shines through.

Im shocked

Normal ,Is to vague , We will not get back what was takin from our selfs and children .But like living through a war. We will make the best of it . Don't give up .But don't forget yourself either , I'm going through the father there for them from day one ,Two the alienated one ,It's hard ,But getting better ,And I don't see that stoping , Unless the attacker goes away some how , Then could be fixed :/ but uu know

What’s normal abuse was happening every year of MyLife there’s nothing to recover to

Overtime we can get stronger. From here on out we need to have zero tolerance for people that try to abuse us. Keep strong boundaries and make people earn your trust! Me personally I’d rather be a loner than deal with toxic abusive people!

You go young lady and you do what you're supposed to do. And eat more meat while you're at it it'll keep the fibromyalgia pain away from you. I was amazed when I went the carnivore away.

😢❤😊

@@terrilynnshoemaker5000 I'm a pesco-vegetarian, but I do eat a healthy high-protein diet. Even when I ate meat my FM was unbearable. I truly believe trauma caused it, at least partially.

Meat isn’t good

@@Kathy-qu8zj Very true! There are better ways to get your nutrients without the heart disease, cardiovascular issues, stroke, cancer, etc.

Yes i think it's amazing and horrible that these demons in people's skin all behvae the same way to their victims and that the trauma presents almost the same in people who were abused by them. Its sad. The Narcissist is really like a demon in human skin.

Absolutely 😢

Exactly

Yep

I was never allowed to open any bank statements. I wasn't to know how much money we had. I had to beg for grocery money, then had to produce the receipt and justify everything I purchased. I had to account for and return any change I got.

I kept second guessing my thoughts that I was (clearly) in an abusive relationship with a narcopath. How could I not know?

I am struggling with self-doubt and guilt. I find it difficult to trust my own judgment and often feel like I am lying or manipulating others, even when I know that what I am saying is true. I believe this may be due to the negative things my adoptive parents said about my biological mother when I was younger. They frequently told me that she was a liar and a manipulator, and warned me not to be like her. As a result, I have internalized these beliefs and now struggle to trust myself. This makes it challenging for me to navigate my life and relationships.

@@melissamason2983 from all of the research I’ve been doing lately, I hope you find some comfort when I say this is EXTREMELY COMMON ♥️

me now at 28 yrs..but i cant find a way out

They definitely can. Send them to psych ward. They become so regulated they get out in a day with rave reviews.

@@mandytattoos3685 Lol

Thats the whole thing, they CAN because they do in front of people. They CHOOSE not to which is what makes them what they are

Why is there so much attention paid to how to get these monsters back in your life after they leave?😂

They do not independently regulate their emotions. They manipulate people & situations to fuel their perception, which alters their emotions. That's not self regulation. If they believe it benefits them, they can control some behaviors, temporarily. They must have outlets. They explode eventually. Someone who can regulate their own emotions can learn, grow, and heal. That's not what the narc does.

My older brother was highly narcissistic as well and I was the youngest so I get what you mean. They crush your spirit daily so by the time you are an adult you just don’t even know who you are.

Yes...we have to meet us... and after decades of having missed us this is a big deal... I thought I had made these understandings and steps, but actually everything concerning narcisstic abuse during my whole life comes out and needs really to be "seen, understood, accepted" to let it go forever ... I wish you good luck, strength and hope... we will make it !🎉

Wow! I feel the exact same way. In 48 years I never got to develop or know who I am. My identity was robbed. Less than 30 days of no contact and now I can start healing. I actually feel selfish for trying and wanting to heal though.

I feel for you. This makes me worry about my grandson, who lives with his narcissistic mother.. my husband and I raised him from birth until 6 years old. She abused us, and her actions stressed out my husband, her father, so bad that it killed him. We couldn't get custody of him because she made sure we became homeless.

​@@humbleheart1000Somebody said something that really resonated with me. We get sucked into over-empathizing with our abuser, and it leaves us under-empathizing with ourselves. Where we would give someone else encouragement to take time to care for themselves and heal, because we empathize with them, it's hard to give ourselves that same empathy and care because our self-empathy belongs to someone else. It's a challenge to unlearn that.

Omg I hate how much other folks laugh at it. Is it men? I’m a woman and it was always only guys who thought it was hilarious. It stopped when I was able to flip my freeze to fight. Once I went from facing to full on aggressive aggressive, they stopped playing games like that.

Oh you just described me. I guess I'm not alone anymore.

Ask the people who are delibetately startling you to stop. Its grossly unfair of them to cause you distress for theor own warped gratification - set a boundary.

@elizabethsimpson7464 I was listening for this symptom in the video. The heightened startle reflex started shortly after I moved in with my husband. Everything felt off. It was years before I associated it with PTSD. I would jump & yelp when another car came up on the passenger side (my side) as we drove on the highway. Another symptom was how disoriented I felt. Sometimes I needed to use GPS to find my way back to the interstate. I no longer recognized myself less than 2 years after getting married. Only someone who has lived it can truly understand. Hope that you are healing and giving yourself some grace❤

Startling is the worst; have spoken out loud & the sound of my own voice; startled me

God isn’t better than all of us . He is us , no one is coming to SAVE you . Only you can do that

God is within...

Yes, my life changed when I accepted Jesus Christ in my heart

❤🙏🏻❤

​@@Chantol22That's what Satan told the first humans in the garden. You just fell for the oldest trick in the book. You're not a God.

I'm having all kind of mix emotions... I swear I thought I was going crazy!!! I was starting to believe "it's all me" while knowing it's not really me. It's like it's all a bad dream!!! And the most confusing part is that part of me still "feels" that I love him. WHATS WRONG WITH ME??????

@@y.w1544 The "love" you still feel for him is called a TRAUMA BOND. There are tons of videos on the subject; if you do a search you can learn more about it and how to break that bond.

Make arrangements. Remove yourself.

Sitting in the driveway...after work not wanting to go inside. Trying to avoid the shit tsunami that I might encounter that will, of course, be "my fault."

You deserve love and respect, and to feel safe in your own home. I know it is not simple to get away, but I am rooting for you.

I learned that during that phase if you literally talk about the most boring stuff you can think of it confuses them and they get tired and move on to do something else. Kinda funny though. Smile it gets better.

You have my permission to leave, and don't ever look in the rear view mirror. ❤

It does have long term effect on your life. I just want it to go away stop ...I want to live without all these worries.

I did a fitness competition once and my narcissistic mother was screaming so loudly in the audience trying to put other people down and bring me up that it made everyone uncomfortable the judges were annoyed by it. It was very awkward for me. I also had a public speaking seminar once and she was in the front row making it about her she literally got up and turned around and said I’m her mother and then was bowing down😂

Dr. Ramani, is very knowledgeable. But, she gives me anxiety. Her manner keeps you in high alert. I’m sorry to say this, but it’s true for me. I had found trauma had really caused damage and even removed or killed some of my brain functions. It’s a long process, which I’ve done with very little outside help. Lots of help from professionals online. The worst thing that ever happened to me, turned out to be the best thing…for the rest of my life! Much love

Eat mostly keto this will help you heal physically and study spirituality this will heal you mentally 💝

Good luck ❤look after yourself well

⁠@@UrDominioNI agree about ms Ramani.. she gives me the Ick.. her personality reminds of my narc mother.. and she refuses to answer pointed questions and acts very disrespectful imo.

@@Realalma , i’m not knocking her… I’m just saying she’s wasn’t good for my narcissistic trauma. I gotta give her props though she was one of the few that I found that were any good.Much love

She might have been a narc herself or just incompetent.

My problem was not even be able to recognize a toxic therapist. My own parents acted bored, shameful of me every second of a day. I grew numb to it, and just accept bad treatment as abuse was all I’ve known. It was my reality. So that led to more issues, no boundaries for myself. I would’ve returned to the same doctor, which I have before. I would mistake people taking advantage of me vs actual care. I could not tell. My brain was so easily manipulated by anyone at that age. It’s through no one able to help us , reject us when most vulnerable, that got to us helping ourselves. So I guess that’s the positive thing in it.

Im so sorry you went through this. That therapist should be reported, she sounds horrible and unfit to be in the mental health community. I hope things get better for you and that you meet a caring empathic therapist who is professional and that these videos help a great deal with your healing. No one should have to go through what you did. 💕

Sounds like most therapists are toxic. They just get off on thinking they are smarter than everyone else.

Many of these people (therapists etc) have never been taught anything about Narcissism either!

You got out! You dodged a HUGE bullet, I hope you really internalize that as you work through your healing.

Yes, Gastritis & Gilberts Syndrome both caused by stress. Of course, Narc wouldn't admit that she was the cause of the stress after going behind my back and trying to ruin my relationship with a long term friend.

Start dealing with your inner childhood traumas. It'll reveal how you've became an Empath. Empaths attract narcissistic ppl

You're not alone I feel you I'm your mirror image I have the same identical stuff going on and I just stay to myself and hide and I don't want to be around anybody that way nobody can blame me about anything don't want to hear it and the less they know about me the better because narcissists have a way of using your information against you and twisting it all kinds of ways to suit their needs and to destroy you with your own information and even with the love that you have in your heart they try to destroy you with that too unbelievable SMH my problem was that I used all the negative energy they gave me to fight back physically emotionally and mentally legally you name it I thought back with everything I had in me to the point where exhausted me and I end up with all kinds of health issues but I'm bouncing back now but man I gave them hell and they know how to stay far away from me with the nonsense

This as dead on in every single point.thank you

The helper never gets helped, and we will never get treated the way that we treat everyone else. But maybe that's just my narcissistic abuse childhood talking

Same .

Same.

sigh. sorry sis😢 love you both❤

Same. Lupus & severe solar uticadia, amongst others. Praying for healing, and creating, developing & deepening new & existing relationships.

We are warriors yall.. we got this together💯❣️ thank you for your kind words and I'm so sorry for yall going thru this. ❤️ 🤗

Same

No one understands because we live in a world of naive people. Narcissist behavior is so in the wrong and devious and deceptive that it's often impossible to convince people. Just try to take comfort that these character disordered people are finally being exposed. As this information slowly gets out over the years I think therapists of th efuture will be batter prepared. Too many of them do everything by the DSM5 book and the big pharma drug companies were a part of all that.

Oh no, I am so sorry ❤

You are being slowly demolished. Knowing is the first step not the last that you should take. Much love

Wow how long did it take tounderstand that your mon was a narcissist and why did you marry the same

​@@richardknezevic7371 I learned at the age of 75. I married my mom because that is what I knew. I foolishly expected that we could keep the highs and eliminate the lows. I passed on some good ones because steady and reliable was boring.

I am learning that if one parent choose to live or married a narcissistic person, It means that it has begun with someone in the generation. So that means the generation curse needs to be broken

Anger makes perfect sense. Nice didn't work for them. It prolongs the engagement.

@@captainjimolchs It still doesn't make sense as it is not normal behaviour for sane people. 🙄

--Normal for you, as it was for me - until I discovered narcissism. They can smell it in us across a room. It is a way of making you responsible for the problem, of shifting blame. If their response agitates you, they win. Try something else. --"Normal" people can discuss differences politely.

And neither you nor I can do anything to change that;

@@captainjimolchs You're a narcissist. Duh. 🙄

Yup!!!

I agree. But after spending years studying the readings of Edgar Cayce, I'm having a hard time wondering why God would allow these people to totally destroy innocent lives. But then again according to Cayce, none of us are innocent, we all chose to force are way from the spiritual into the physical.

​@Shadowman... Because God gave us the very gracious gift of free will. It's up to us not to be total assholes to each other.

So you are throwing a tantrum for ignoring his boundaries? Sounds like you are a narcissist

Yes they like that...

I was never allowed to text or call him, he claimed I was stalking him. He called and texted nonstop whenever he was wanting to rage.

@@tbcstuff3634go away. You sound ridiculous

But that's the thing, we have changed into a version of them in order to survive. No one keeps respecting their abusers other than to try and keep the peace, and that would entail any amount of lying or nurturing someone who doesn't deserve us to do anything for them and that grows into resentment.We lose ourselves and we even orchestrate other people, including our own children to do things including lie it need be for no other reason than not to poke the bear. The times we need support are the times they use to attack our identity and our character. When you learn about the patterns it actually becomes easy to predict their behaviour as they are all truly the exact same as each other. It's like a secret school for narcissism is something they all attend. Gaslighting is one thing, but they set people up in order to frame them as crazy, violent, antagonistic....insert any bad behaviour and they have already done the smear campaign, recruited their flying monkeys and situated themselves as the victim and we find this out after the damage is done. It's hard to believe that you are hated by anyone, let alone the person you thought you loved.

When I would explode in anger and screaming. I was the crazy one. Looking for mental health helps at a young age. Was used against me in these circumstances and others too. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please Madam, leave as soon as you can! You deserve better 😢

No once did you mention understanding or even caring about he feels, 100 percent is only about you... so for sure only he could be the narcissistic.

This isnwhat I feel when my husband leaves town.

They are all jealous 4 year olds trapped in the bodies of adults. There was a podcast I listened to not long ago that featured a girl similar to yourself. She said she was onstage receiving an important award for he writing., and when she looked into the audience she saw her father ( who was an accomplished writer ) doing a crossword puzzle with his face pressed into a newspaper. ( there experts at knowing how to make people feel worthless and unimportant ) These narcissists don't give a damn nor understand about integrity, morals, values or just plain common decency to others. There all basically acting out there twisted childhoods on the people around them.

I am sorry you are going through this I know how it feels.

Omg i feel this too... my dad was so much nicer to me when i was still in primary school. The day i entered secondary school he became so rude and cold i didnt understand and was in shock. At first i thought he was kidding or something.... and i asked him what happened with him and he blamed the stress of his mom passing away and me becoming an adult(er)... he was never the same again. At the age of 23 i cut him off. By the age of 27 i established total no contact. Life is so much calmer now it feels like a cultural shock.

If there's no one to talk to or you think others couldn't understand, this could happen. Also, if you have been isolated, which is something that narcissists do to their victims, you probably had no one to talk to for a while.

Best wishes for you and your family

Evil exists. Just because it's in your family doesn't mean you caused it. Protect your life. Go No Contact. Put yourself first, because the devil only seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. Please don't blame yourself. Don't be the next victim of the demon in your daughter. Stay praying.

No contact.

@soja2634 Thank you.. it means alot to have someone who can understand and validate . I have been no contact with her for 4 years. But I do send my grandson little notes, letting him know how much I miss him. At first I knew he was getting them. Now I don't know. She's still in my head. I don't know how to get her out of there.

Evil aggressive people live in an evil aggressive world. Kind caring people live in a kind caring world-- SAME WORLD. The problems IN them.

Ya I slowly started recognizing the patterns and the fake niceness and learned not to react to the yelling and tantrums then adapt to the other tactics. The words Shut your Mouth !!! Will always be a trigger now . I'm as silent as a hunter at dawn break.

Been there done that I feel you

Preach. I’m getting divorced to a narc and my druggie mother is one, along with my sister. But I didn’t know what a narcissist was or that my wife was the same. If I had learned what a narc was in high school I would have done things very differently, though I’m eternally grateful for my 3 kids 🫡🇺🇸🦅

Yes. I was the problem. I was not "trying" hard enough. It was my fault I got hit. My (mid 80s to mid 90s) grades weren't good enough. I had an attitude. Even not eating ALL the food and not eating fast enough. Do EVERYthing faster better more now. Nothing is ever good enough. There was no "before". The "after" was one hell of an eye opener.

It's the glee in the face when they're provoking you it's sickening right 😢

@@spicydragonroll88-wd2jl yes! it’s a sickening glee. And it was noticeable to me long before I discovered narcissistic abuse recovery.