Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,

This woman was beyond fortunate that her kind, loving and patient husband was still there to pick up the pieces.

Let's hear Scott's story.

To err is human..anyone is susceptible to sin, to cheating, esp. if a charming person love bombs them and acts like everything they ever wanted..even though it was wrong, her courage to share provides a cautionary tale, a lesson *everyone* can learn from

I think stories like this should be shared. She fell for someone who could have harmed her and her entire family!

Yes, she was fortunate to have this emotionally mature husband, but he'd also been fortunate to have had a wife who'd fixed everything in their marriage for the first 18 years. Let's not downplay her heroism. There are different kinds of and degrees of infidelity, and not being available time and time again to work on their survival as a family could be seen as a kind of betrayal. He realised what he'd done. Huge respect to him for that and huge respect to her. I wish them well.

A serious attraction to someone outside a marriage signals the marriage is troubled. Listening to the signal is much better than harshly judging the situation. That's like getting mad at a smoke alarm.

The air literally came out of my body when the glitch happened in the video repeating the "wall punching and the road rage and the hot-headedness" it was like someone smacking me over the head . Haunting

I really resonate with this story. I felt to the core. Still healing and more to go for a while. These individuals take your soul away through trauma bonding. Healing to all survivors out there.

She's extremely blessed to have her husband 💓

This is a narcissistic personality disorder. All the traits she explained are what my ex-narc showed the same behaviors. They had childhood trauma and fell for these other supplies. They had low-self esteem and were insecure next thing they were in a cheating relationship. They saw their vulnerability. Cheating is the deal breaker.

I havent listened to the whole thing yet. I did notice her husband is a hottie so this other guy must have been really charming. This could be a narcissist getting played by another narcissist situation, and they usually dont last.

Wow, what an absolutely precious, exceptional human being Scott must be - I’m in awe..

I’m a little more then midway through the cast but I will congratulate you on reuniting your family…my favorite part so far

Excellent podcast…a story to relate to, with a happy ending. Thank goodness she did not marry the pathologically critical wall puncher!!!! I did; ending an eleven year marriage to the most abusive human being I could ever imagine, let alone know. God bless all who explore why it happened, and finally become free💛

I'm having a hard time empathising with your guest.

Great discussion, thank you so much! Relationships with narcissists put us on "dead soil" as Kiersten so aptly coined it! We cannot grow bc we are gradually being destroyed. I'm so glad she got out!

You are a brave woman. Thank you for sharing your story

It’s such a blessing Dr Ramani put this together this story is very relatable.

I'm listening to this interview for the second time and I have no doubt that you have interviewed a narcissist and made a book about her situation as a victim.

I’m so happy she reconciled with her husband!

Thank you for sharing your amazing story and for being so brave and admitting your infidelity. It’s important to let it all go, work on yourself, & tell the truth in order to heal. This is a good message for all of us and this has resonated with many.

Having gone through my own childhood trauma AND the betrayal of infidelity as an adult, I'm having a really difficult time with this woman, and I see many red flags just with her! Before I get into my opinion, I will say NO-ONE EVER deserves to be abused under any circumstances. So... IMO, this is really a story of infidelity and the consequences of it. First off, the statement "I grew up in a very grounded family... VERY Ohio," to imply that people from Ohio are somehow more wholesome, salt of the earth, is a gross misrepresentation and far from my experience! She cheated on her husband and got hit with karma. And she was most upset when she found out Tony had another woman ... what goes around comes around. What about the pain inflicted on her husband; she seemed pretty heartless and quick to leave him. This is a story as old as time. Stressed out housewife whose never been single as an adult thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and finds out it's not! Mystery solved. And what's with the statement, "I've always been independent." When? She's been marred since she was 23, so she's always had a contributor/helper/ partner; that's not independent, that's interdependent, at its healthiest. And she took a whopping 4 months to be on her own and gets back with her husband whom she cheated on for 3 years. Her poor husband, I hope he's healed and feeling confident and loved. Fingers crossed he doesn't go through that again. Sorry Dr. Ramani, I can't with this story; she sounds needy, selfish, and dysfunctional. Running from one man's arms back to another to fill a hole doesn't address the pain, indignity, and aloneness that survivors of NPD deal with that takes years to recoup from, many never are able to get into relationships again. But, I am glad she is doing something with a non-profit to help others .

Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing this to us!!! ❤️

This woman is full of it.

Fell in love to a stranger in one week. Threw away 18 years of marriage. I need time to process that. I wonder how Scott will narrate his story about you and the time you left him. Would he used the exact same terms you are using to describe Tony? I am seriously confused.

Infatuation is temporary insanity…..seriously it is

I care only about her husband's pain, and I am only 33 minutes in. Her husband is the victim. She is a liar. Justify Justify Justify. I can't listen to one more minute.

So the infidelity was only something regrettable because it didn't work out?? If he was a 'great' guy, the affair would have been OK? Intuition, my values, how I was raised... Sounds like she is the narcissist who happened to be victim to another narcissist. She threw an innocent hard working husband and kids in the bin, for the sake of a selfish affair. Her husband 'adored' her, and that bothered (disgusted) her. If she had intuition or values, she wouldn't have slept with a narc. Sorry, but she is a perpetrator of abuse as much as she is a victim. Why don't we explore the story from the point of view of her husband?

After 18 years of a happy marriage she leaves her husband as soon as she meets a man who excites her more than her loving husband and SHE's the victim?! Yeah right. SHE is an entitled narcissist who stabbed her loyal husband in the back because it made her feel good.... and then she blames her husband for her affair. How does Dr.l Ramani not see through her?? The only victim in this story is her husband. He deserves better.

I get having to fix everything and do everything because I had to do that for 20 some years. Yet my ex was the one who told me to go marry someone else. He told me to go back to work at a place I had quit work because I was getting too close to a manager who was interested in me. So he even pushed me to have affair and I just couldn’t. Not sure she was abused by a narc?? Don’t get it either.

Perfect timing and question at the end there. How is your husband doing… how are your children doing? I was waiting for it myself. Quickly even there her response turned back to herself. Seems a bit like the abuse was in a way her get out of jail free card so to speak. I hold no judgment towards these sorts of situations… we humans are messy. But something about her pushed some buttons in me. I may be wrong but I don’t believe she looks at her husband as a “man”but more a security blanket, shield to keep her reputation salvageable (it’s a love story) really? Feel more like someone she can dominate and control. Now can’t pass judgment on him for we didn’t hear his voice but if I were in his shoes I’d feel a bit humiliated the way she aired their dirty laundry without him being able to defend himself. She’s almost trauma bonding with him now … made sure to point out that he’s dated too and how they talk about it. Belittling it a bit as if “see honey how good you have it with me” I do wish each and every person nothing but the best, and do understand the depth of generational trauma we’ve experienced. Bit of a giant hairball we’re trying to untangle. But on a human to human level, this is just what I observed. Not claiming to know the ultimate truth. After all, we’re eternal and unpredictable beings …even if we get it right today, there’s always tomorrow and vice versa… I do however honor and respect both of your voices fir having the bravery and will to share your stories. That does go a long way and is much needed in our world. 🙏💕

I'm been with a man for almost I years he's in prison for 2 1/2 years but I feel guilty leaving him while he's there . He's there because of a friend that was worried about me but I see all the signs in him

No sympathy for cheaters

Hello! I wanted to ask if Ihere's a problem with the sound in this episode? I lost my headphones and can barely hear this one (I listen to one episode every night before going to sleep and the others are higher in volume). Thank you and love your work. Narc survivor

Wow, “nothing would grow during those three years…”. “Once you lift the toxic blockages, get a clarity of vision then energy flows again…”

This woman may also be narcissistic

Not buying the label “non-toxic infidelity”. Infidelity is toxic. As with other things that are toxic, the toxicity doesn’t always kill. There can be healing despite irrevocable changes. The work required to heal is no small feat.

So this woman had a great husband that most of us NEVER find and now she’s the victim??

I listened to the first bit so far and I'm trying to imagine if a man were recounting this self aggrendising story😮 so many of her lines were bog standard cheating husband material

Lol my ex did same shit. Earlier my fart was like roses, my immaturity was endearing. later I was biggest stupid fucking dumb bitch. They are so predictable and damaging while they look so calm, zen and Buddhalike from outside. I was in it for 6.5 years. Stupidly had a child with him and now even post divorce gets to see him turn child against me. Now I have struggle with convincing my child that I love her or even I m telling her the truth because the narc has literally changed version of every story. Inserted every one with every milestone development she had. Some days I am broken as child attacking you is too deeply painful but then I can not give up because one day my child will grow up and will need to see someone who stood up to his fucked up ways. You also have got it. You will some days question your choices and stuff. But you grew and now are sharing with rest.

So how will you explain this to your grandchildren

volume on this channel is low

This woman gives off Esther Perel blame the victim vibes for me.

All of you commenting that she is the narc and that you have no empathy for her obviously feel a bit self righteous. We are all human with a sinful nature, and if you think you would never, be careful. I have learned that we are all capable of things we would have never imagined. I’m so glad for God’s grace, and this woman doesn’t deserve what happened as a result of her poor decision.

The grooming part is really crazy to see after the fact

A very ungodly marriage. Sad.

❤

hey there Editor, I see you. If this is a cry for help add 👁❤emoji on the next edit. Be safe.

I was very moved by your candor and courage. You are incredibly blessed that your husband is so caring. My concern is that this may happen again. To you or Scott. I don't know if you know the Lord but He's real. The devil is also real and Jesus says in the New Testament..the devil comes to rob, kill & destroy. I'm praying for you and the family. Lord, cover and.care for this family.

None of it was a red flag to her because SHE WAS THE RED FLAG IN THIS STORY. Don’t buy the book people. Give your time and energy to a true victim instead, and not a cheating wife and mother.

Dr Ramini...can you have Jada Pinket Smith as your guest? Or Will Smith....I'd like to hear what's going on in their relationship.

Honestly, no sympathy for this lady. She left her husband after just a week with a man?

0% sympathy here.