i think you can, but you need to realize that while you may have changed stuff while you are at home its not the same when you are outside with others as you havent been "training" this stuff with other people around. i think you need to be around people more and get used to it and then automatically the stuff you changed at home you can apply more easily

its kinda like boxing if you are only doing technique and not sparring its just not realistic for a real fight, once you get hit in the face everything you learnedcan go out of the window if you are not used to it, also i think changing doesnt necessarily mean that every aspect of your life has changed. I believe you have changed... in your relationship to yourself while you are alone but keep applying it to the outside world, its not gonna be quick just like your change at home as it probably was long (you said you were in isolation for 2 years) so dont expect to be a new person in the outside world right away. im sure that if you keep going out and improve yourself one day you will look back and be surprised at your progress. i personally had really low self esteem and couldnt talk to girls without stuttering now i can talk to them normally and im "training" flierting now :D so keep up the good work

same but it started in 2018 for me. and what you talk about is probably because these people still think about you as the person you were before, maybe they haven’t changed and only way they can talk to you is about old stuff

you have to experience events that change the way your brain chemistry works.

@@davidzhou3967 Kudos man, excellent example. Anything you train must eventually be "battle tested". Boxing, MMA, making a video game, playing an instrument, etc. You will have to put your skills to the test at some point and that is when you learn to make the most important adjustments. Not fail or succeed, just lessons to apply and improve.

and trying to run away from yourself reminded me of the phrase used in AA "wherever you go, there you are"

last quote that came to mind is from ram dass "A lot of people try to counteract the ‘I am not good enough’ with ‘I am good enough.’ In other words, they take the opposite and they try to invest it. That still keeps the world at the level of polarities. The art is to go behind the polarities. So the act is to go not to the world of: ‘I am good’ to counteract ‘I am bad,’ Or ‘I am lovable’ as opposed to ‘I am unlovable.’ But go behind it to ‘I am.’ I am. I am. And ‘I am’ includes the fact that I do crappy things, and I do beautiful things. And I am."

@@xepru so real

do you have proof?

@@PabloSteuer i’m not sure what you mean

Good job man 👍

I feel this heavily, especially ashamed of how I treated others, but unfortunately I did to big of a 180, and now I’m “kind” to the point of being self sacrificial… maybe I’m trying to make up for my past? Idk but I’m struggling finding a healthy balance.

@@f4rt989 you always have to give yourself the time to answer the question "what i want (in that situation), do i feel comfortable (doing it), etc. Thats the new goal after the 180°, dont forget about yourself in the process. Learn to say "no" maybe, and "when and how" you say it. You will remain being Kind, not only to others but with yourself. If they dont get it, are their problem. Good luck

Really happy for you. :) Love hearing other stories of healing, freedom like this.

Absolutely. From meditation, I kind of view it as being mindful and compassionate towards all aspects of what is, and in doing so I've found that since I'm no longer rejecting things as parts of "myself", I start to feel like I can deliberately choose which things to do, rather than feeling like I'm fighting with some internal schism I've created by rejecting some qualities.

You didn't feel disgusted back then because you were a different person, thats a nice observation to make! You feel disgusted now because you've changed and you know better.

omg we live the same life

Man years ago, I said out loud that a sort-of-teacher "only treats me special, cause of my sister." He heard it and we had a talk about it, that makes me cringe everytime I think of it... Edit: Now that I think of it, my friend kinda set me up for that by saying he's nicer to me than to her. And he misunderstood that I thought he treated me special, when I was only using that word as a comparison to my friend. Dammit why did I only realize that now

Everything i have ever done has been cringe.

@@pleaseenteranamelol711 same. sometimes i feel my very own existence is cringe

I agree. it’s a really not judgemental way of looking at people

I have long believed there are not good people vs bad people and in fact when you think of abusers and violent criminals as bad people you leave victims often more stuck confused because they often see that person's complex humanity and don't just want to write them off as an inhuman monster no matter what they have done. If you have a family member who is abusive it's a more powerful worldview to understand that they could change their behavior to not be abusive anymore with the right help, rather than to just think they're unchange-ably abusive. If you are stuck judging a person for their past and how what they've done is unforgivable, that's not helpful to anyone. I felt, on some level, like a fundamentally bad person merely for the act of feeling love and compassion for my friend who as far as anyone knows was never violent or abusive while alive until his final action at the end of it, when he murdered his wife then killed himself in a murder-suicide. Because suddenly he was a murderer, he was painted as evil, and I felt so much guilt and shame for loving an evil murderer, despite the fact that I'd felt positively towards him when he was not a bad person in anyone's eyes and then suddenly he was dead and he was a murderer all at once and feelings like caring about a person don't just turn off like that once you find out they committed murder. While i agree that murder is a line that is unforgivable to cross, i also feel it doesn't mean his entire life can be so simply summed up as "he was a bad person" because anyone who committed murder is bad. I also know feeling the way I feel in the aftermath of his action and death is not something that makes me a bad person. And my abusive, narcissistic, rage-y mom, as negatively as i felt towards her and despite needing to be No Contact with her to protect myself from her, she wasn't inherently a bad person either. She died when I was almost 30 and she lived a tragic life. She was damaged. But I wouldn't say she was a bad person or a good person. She was a person. People are people.

This. I also have done the same with my boss, and realized people all have hangups. Some of them are compatible with me and others aren't.

I really believe looking at our being and actions holistically without judgement is the way to do it. You can better distinguish what behavior is healthy for you and what sacrifices you will chose to make

@@VioletEmeraldesss thank you!!!!! This is so true. This is why it’s often so hard for people to leave abusive partners & family members, because when they go to people and ask for advice the person seems to see their relationship in such a black and white way. They know this person is more nuanced though so they begin to distrust others judgement on the situation. What I try to explain to people is that even if someone is abusive, you still have good memories with them. Which makes it confusing, I remember my stepdad was this way and it was hard to see him clearly because sometimes he was good, and kind, and the type of guy to stop and tow someone’s car on the side of the road. And sometimes we connected, and have good memories. It’s confusing! People are very nuanced & complex. Ultimately sometimes their bad actions outweigh your ability to enjoy and trust any of the good, but at least recognizing there’s some of that good there can help people understand the confusion a victim feels. That’s what in fact makes abuse so hard to leave. It’s not that there all bad, it’s the fact that they cycle from good to suddenly bad. It’s an addictive hot and cold pattern.

The set is calming and inviting without being distracting

I love it so much, it's like I'm sitting right across from Dr. K and not just watching a stream online

Seriously

It’s chill

did he move in a new house or something?

I'd extend it to regard and disregard for yourself, too, not just others. If everything is interconnected, there can be no such thing as harming only oneself. Thinking this way helped pull me out of some bad habits that I was fine with because "well, I'm only hurting myself."

I don't even like the concept of "good" and "bad" people. It's more about how well-adapted to a society one is or not. A "good" person (definition required) could be a CEO of some famous company because he/she is still contributing to the society with the service they offer, but most CEOs tend to be disagreeable and unneurotic, meaning they tend to be cold. Of course CEOs have to be disagreeable to certain extent. They are dealing with hundreds and thousands of employees, other companies, government, etc. and as harsh as it may sound, they have to make decisions for genuine productivity that some people will not like. CEOs may certainly be hurting other people's feelings doing that, but they are functioning as a "good" or even necessary part of the society. Are they "good" or "bad"? I don't want to make that decision. Are they "adapted" to the society? I'd say, yes, in their own way.

Emotions are separate from morality though. I've seen people who hurt others feel terrible when they see others hurt but I've also seen people who always do good despite not feeling a thing when those around them are in pain.

@@Xx_Oleander_xX Yeah that sounds like empathetic and sadistic as opposed to good and evil.

@@wesleywallace4426 Yes it really bugs me when people get those mixed up.

You should read Eckhart Tolle - The power of now. It's precisely about that

I believe in not judging a person, just learn from the actions, and take actions when needed. That's how I bridge the gap, between the philosophy no person is bad, and the practicality. In theory, I do not see serial killers as bad, but would call the cops.

I definitely feel that too sometimes. For me, I treat that as a sign of not being able to grow with that person/group of people. It's not a bad sign, just showing how your interactions with them are what they are. If they're shallow, then it will remain a shallow friendship. It stems from our way of connecting with people to the best of our abilities. If that connection with your friend is weak, then the conversations/interactions/body language will show that. I've learned that any relationship with people is a two-way street. Everyone has to put in conscious effort to grow together.

@@inplane9970 just saw this now and i totally agree with you. I think when you meet an old friend you resurface some of your old traits from that time but this happens mostly if i wasn't that close to them in the first place

Best time to invest? thats funny though because in the last four months I have lost more than $47,900 in stock market which is the biggest I have loss since I ventured into stock investment.

you could be right or wrong depends on your expertise, I once made such loss when i invested thinking i have gathered enough trading skills from youtube videos

now its a different ball game for me because I was lucky to have met TERESA JENSEN WHITE, a financial manager and stock expert, I have made more than $165,000 in 6 weeks under her supervisions.

Really? people are cashing in from the stock market and frankly speaking its comforting seeing someone admit to the fact that they actually seek help from professionals. please how can i reach TERESA ?

search her name on the internet to reach her

Right, that would be the identity (how you view yourself) fighting against your actions (how dare you do something different?! You are breaking character! Ahhh!) Happens every time I try to do something worth while (studying and drawing). Just keep doing it and your mind will have to accept it. That is my hope anyway lol.

I moved from Cali to NY thinking it would also help despite having a great job that I dreamed of in hs. It was important for me to move out so I can work on myself but the moving itself didnt do anything directly to help. It was only 8 months in NY that I started figuring stuff out properly, accepting my past, and moving on with growth and learnings

Ratio

@@nekonesto3125 ?

@@nekonesto3125 ?

@@nekonesto3125 ?

@@nekonesto3125 ?

I believe you can do it! Just take your time pal!💪🏻

Hey, I'm a random internet stranger, and I can never have it in myself to hate someone who's trying to improve. And I'm pretty sure A LOT of other people are the same. And I'm sure you don't have it in you to hate someone else who's trying their hardest to improve, so just look in the mirror and remember that person is you

As long as you accept that guilt and try to not have that feeling again, then overall you are changing your actions to be better. I cheated on a girlfriend once. I felt so bad that I have never done that action again. Not that I haven't been tempted, but it's active thinking of previous action to improve upon that its a constant mindset as I did indeed cheat on a girlfriend, I just simply remember that guilt and would never wish someone going through the negative effect of an action I caused.

The fact you knowledge what you had done, and wanting to change now is a huge improvement! Believe yourself, we all made mistakes somewhere in the past. But it's all in the past. Sometimes a letter or a real heart-to-heart talk with them can work out pretty well. Wish you good luck, and get the love you deserve and be the person you really want to be!

Love this comment

Likewise : )

Thanks! Same to you

ROCK ON

You got this!

I'm rooting for you Andrew

Let's do it man!!

I believe in you!

Thank you, your comment resonated deeply with me, appreciate you posting this :) you'll get to where you want to be

But internally you are the same person. If you are nice to children but rude to your parents, then that's exactly who you are. What you are describing is something called 'the presenting self' but that is different from your 'perceived self" which is what i think you are having issue with accepting (how you think others view you) Finally you have your 'true self' - in which you have to ignore perceived self and truly look inside based on your own choices and actions in life.

Butterfly effect

As it turns out, some things are damn near indestructible.