If they don't get a hold of their emotions they will make you lose hold of yours. If you're the man that means prison. Forcing others to bear the responsibility of your emotions is sympathy terrorism.

@@Orpheus063 But I think you are overlooking the fact that it is possible for someone with bpd to be good for the person dating them as well. Trying to deal with and make it work with someone that has a mental disorder such as bpd (and just going out of our comfort zone in general) can make people more accepting and open-minded. People who don't "run for the hills" as he said are not just getting by, but they are also learning to adapt.

​@@spicytee133 It robs you of emotional freedom, something they accept within themselves whole-heartedly. Taking away a woman's physical freedom is abuse, why don't we see it the same way when men have their emotional freedom curtailed? I am way more emotionally stable than her, by default of our genders. But she is so unstable she caused me to lose all stability, when two forces meet one will prevail. The BPD individual either relinquishes their BPD behaviours or they double down and destroy you with them. It makes the whole relationship about that and not the two individuals. It becomes a game of pacification, of appeasement. Pure slavery is all I can use to describe the egg shells you'll end up walking on to keep them from flying off. I'm sure there are example of women that aren't so die hard married to the concept of BPD that they can relinquish its hold over them. But that's not what I had, and honestly I'll never recover. Be careful what you do, destroy yourself all you want. But destroying someone you claim to love? Fucking shame. Pure unadulterated selfish bullshit. No one expects you sign on a dotted line the moment you meet, but when you start pursuing, going down that path. You make a promise to dedicate, people with BPD can't dedicate to shit, to you, to anything. You and everything is just a prop in the play that is their entertainment, you are a pawn in their game. You will dance or you will be thrown away like trash. It's the worst feeling you can give to someone you claim to love, throw it all away, throw them away, like you was thrown away. I am the vehicle for your trauma, the vessel to fill with your darkness. While refuse all of mine, refusing my love and personhood. Everything exists for you because you lack meaning. People have no idea what BPD is and probably never will, but whatever you all think it is is BS.

From experience, I wish I had ran

​​@@higherselftarot4304es, its often combined with narcessism. Sometimes just narcessism. I d stay away from them.

Eventually you have to become an adult and fix your problems. They should do that before entering relationships.

@@GodWorksOut BPD isn't really a problem you fix, it's a problem you manage for the rest of your life

Apples and oranges. Abusers may threaten to *harm you or someone else* for leaving, so yeah, many people are willing to tolerate or enable them. Broken people don’t usually wield that kind of power over others.

in my experience, i've noticed people are a lot less understanding to behaviors that involve something like anger i'm feeling sad due to mental health? people will generally try and give sympathy, they'll try to understand. but if I have an angry outburst due to mental health? people generally see me as a bad person and will avoid me more. it's a normal human reaction and i can't exactly blame them, especially when i mentally "dig into" why they do it. just something i try to keep note of, seems to help a little bit

@@_WeDontKnow_ This I agree, Or I found in my family, everyone was willing to tolerate my abusive mothers anger and outbursts. Actively enabling her and continuously being victim to her abuse. But my anger always made them uncomfortable I think as a society we are conditioned to deal with problematic people by enabling and letting it slide. But when a person displays anger to a situation, people react because you're doing the thing that they are incapable of

you did the right thing! If you stay, you will end up very empty. Ask how I know LOL.

THIS!!!

Oh God the sleep. Yep sleep deprived to torture levels for over a year. Never again. He'd literally shake me awake to entertain him

“Lost my sense of self, and who I was.” Yep.

Lucky you, you can simply walk away.

It’s so true you guys deserve nothing but love and care. I’ll never judge someone for their mental illness. But again you guys deserve nothing but love and care. ♥️

As a victim that was discarded. I rediscovered the people that always loves me. My family, parents and lone sibling. They got me out of jail when the bpd falsely accused me. And a place to stay when she followed up with a restraning order. The people I discarded due to alllowimg myself to be manipulated, let me back in to their lives without question. We are just happy that we are a family again. I have a question for bpd's . Maybe that love and understanding you desire, is waiting for you with someone or some people you discarded?

BPD does not have to be a miserable experience and ruin your life! Trust me, you can heal. BPD is the most treateable personality disorder. It might take some years, but you can get your life, joy and love back. There's many people who make it out on the other side. Never lose hope and keep working on it.

@@priestrat the problem with the girl that I dated, she refused to admit that she had BPD and would flip it around on me and call me a narcissist. She was married for 10 years and her ex tried to get her in therapy and she refused to go.

@priestrat Maybe. Anything is possible I guess. And just leave a trail of destruction, pain, and sorrow inflicted on others. While taking zero accountability, and still blaming the victims.. I've never heard a bpd acknowledge a victim of their past, ever. What does that mean? The incurable condition continues. Just utilising a non genuine cover of self awareness to just keep doing the same. Manipation that is not really manipulation when it icoms from a bpd. Yet it results in the same outcome. People being "tricked", lied to, and hurt. Then discarded and called narsisists.. Next?

that's messed up, especially after having surgery.

Hope she get better

@@atmosphero7074 thank you random citizen

​@@MundoYui That's so... just so fucking sad. Just reading it makes my heart drop for her. I'm both sad for her and that there are so many of us living with the most extreme emotions like that, that I'm the same. We're so fragile, we're so scared, we could break into pieces at any minute and are aware of that any second of the day, ready to try and brace it in perpetual preparation, but we still know it'll just shatter us either way. It does different things to your mind if it's unexpected even, not being ready for something negative can be such a shock that you shut down entirely, and dissociate for very, very long. Until your brain has developed even additional and new defense-mechanisms around it, and you have a new trauma. Btw, "netizen" is a word you could use instead of "citizen" for referring to people on the internet, if you'd like. Just a suggestion. Edit: And truly, thank you for being such an understanding, supportive, great partner. I bet she is grateful with her entire soul.

I think you both learned a lot from this, which must have been extremely helpful to your relationship in the long run. And I recognize that you both agreed to this as an experiment

I have BPD and I out loud said “yuuuup!” When he said that. Also, the part about being stuck in a negative emotion for an entire day. We feel negative emotions faster, stronger and way way way longer. When I’m stuck in anger or depression, I feel like no one understands and they really don’t. They can’t related to the intensity and longevity of my pain. They shrug it off and it makes me feel like I’m over reacting and they are downplay or misunderstanding my pain. After a day or two or three, I finally get back to my rational brain and out of my emotional brain and can see they were being nice and trying to help. But at the time I feel like they were being dismissive or just didn’t get me. To improve my life, I need to remember this fact: negative emotions hit me faster, are more intense and last way way longer. I can’t expect everyone to get it, to understand the rage in me or the extreme suicidal depression. When I bounce back from it, I feel like I have my life back, my brain back. When I’m in it, I feel like I’m possessed by a demon or a psychopath. Then I come back to earth. It often takes days, depending on the severity of the trigger and the context of how well my life is going.

I hare this aspect of bpd.

Dont want to take away from that, but isn't this always the case? Even for people who don't have BPD? Everyone who doesn't have an extremely strong self-esteem would feel bad, if everyone treats them bad.

@@KEEYBLADE yeah I feel this strongly. Then again I have ADHD and being encouraged verbally is more motivating than being paid or any future payoff.

But that's true for everyone except the self-made rich, generally typing of course.

thank you for this comment ❤

Very kind words. Thank you.

You almost made me cry 😢❤ thank you for being so nice to her❤❤❤

thank you ❤

oh i’m sure this means so much to her you’re saving her life

But where do you get the mental energy from to generate all this patience when you have your own problems and struggles? Really feels like an unbalanced relationship where one person has to be the 'rock' for the other.

@@nikjkeenan2866 no one cares about the emotional abused partner . You dating someone who emotional cognitive level is child like

I understand and having had dealt with it, this is not an excuse. Yes you can love a person dearly and then torture them, ok is then this torture justified? Get your shit together first and maybe ask for compassion and understanding later.

ppl in these replies are acting like this person is excusing the abusive behavior... that is not at all what they are saying

Just like Autism in women is under diagnosed.

This. This is so important for people to realize. I read somewhere that men with BPD have a higher risk for alcoholism than women. I think it might fly under the radar in some cases because addiction issues are more visible.

Same here. I have high functions bpd. It makes it really hard, because I try to hide it. Or I don’t share what it’s like with other people. A lot of times I suffer in silence

100%

I had literally every single symptom for a *while* before being diagnosed. And I realized it for a *while* before too. And I only got diagnosed because I fucking realized how to put it into words because I saw the symptoms and thought it was likely, since I had been struggling with it for a long time until then. I live in a slightly less developed country (land of Žižek Dončič yadda yadda) where the maximum I'm going to get a therapist without having an obscene wage is once per two months, and other stuff its even worse, years long waiting periods. I had to get through this shit myself (mostly w/ pirated DBT workbooks), and it was worth it but... fuck me is it annoying. Not that I'm not still struggling but at least I'm not unintentionally abusive to those around me anymore. I just wish this shit was more talked about.

This comment is rly nice bcs one of my closest friends started dating a girl with bpd and i want to help him and thanks to you i can help him better

Marry me next please 🥲

That's a great idea! Thanks!

Are you a woman? Sounds uncharacteristically empathetic for most of the men I see in these comment sections, I'd be really impressed if a guy understood just how much saying "know I still love you even if I can't text" can mean. To me it's so obvious, this is just how you treat someone you love, you want to assuage their insecurities, not wait for them to feel a perceived abandonment and lash out.

@@matelinec I am a guy! 29 years old. I am flawed and I have a temper and I'm pretty grumpy, but I know someone's own mind can be their biggest enemy.

YASSSSSS. Totally feel the same!!!!

Separation individuation. Her fathers death would of 100% triggered this area. A new bloke offers that fresh start, and new fantasy with a fresh supply. Ultimately a new life, short term new identity, and feeling that she completely separated from her past. She will likely come back with a sob story at some point once this supply has grown stale.

Remember borderline means borderline psychopathic and neurotic . They simply don’t see reality for what it is

Prayers to you, she'll probably try to reconnect later in life to degrade and discard you again.

@@heythere6983no it doesn't. well it did but that's an old definition that isn't used anymore. and it's psychotic and neurotic, not psychopathic some people with bpd don't have psychotic symptoms, and are very much able to see reality as it is

i was thinking about one of those dating games were all dialogs are bits of videos of drk acting situations

Collab opportunity TayZonday??? Let's gooooooooooooo

One of the characters needs to be a white guy culturally appropriating indian gurus who says stuff he read on cheap calenders to validate himself. "You need to like, align your chacras man"

😂 Yes please

you should do the voices with him!

Damn, man. Glad you realized this and I hope that now you can start to heal inside.

They are also dangerous women to be around in more ways than one (stds, unaliving..etc) good thing you got out

Can absolutely relate to this, was in a very similar situation with a very similar outcome for my own mental health

I am there right now! And I can tell you it hurts as a mf

@@love_reka_777 this is an I ignorant thing to say. Have empathy. People do not choose this or many things in life. We all deserve a chance at happiness.

As a person with BPD - this is 100% accurate. I wish my partner would understand it and do exactly what you said. I know Its hard to date a person with this disorder, but I promise, we suffer too and all we want is to feel loved and secure.. Your wife is a really lucky woman, and you are an amazing husband! Keep doing a grat job, thank You for this comment, it may help a lot of people 😊

Maybe it's just because I suspect my spouse may also have covert narcissism, but it seemed when I reassured them like this it just made them realize they could mine narcissistic supply with this game and it actually just made their "pity ploy" worse because they knew I'd go to these lengths of reassurance. The more sincere my reassurance, the more they sought it...

Thank you for loving her and trying to work on your relationship.

Too much hassle dude living a life explaining every step you make is souldraining

Reading everything you wrote, is me to a T. If this is what BPD is, I don't want it anymore. Whenever I'm without my bf, I'm always having these terrible thoughts about what he's doing, why he hasn't texted me, the reason he hasn't texted me, when we get off the phone, what does he do after. And just recently he got covid and I immediately started to think about if he even had covid or if he just didn't want to see me, because the day he got covid was the day we were supposed to hang out and I pretty much had a breakdown. It's all bad but I'm really trying my best. Thankfully I've talked with my bf about the things that I feel and think and God bless him, he's very patient, tries to understand, and reassures me about anything I may have been thinking. The only problem is that the reassurance is only for that moment but the thoughts come back suddenly and it's hell all over again. Which makes me feel bad because I feel like I'm always bringing up what I think and feel and it's just all bad, but I'm happy that he reassures me, every time.

Me too. legit cried. This is so spot on.

@@marcosalazar7090 BPD gang man. We gotta stick together ✌🏽

hey ive recently met a girl that has told me now she has bpd. do you mind sharing some of your own experiences on what happened or have helped you so i can be mindful of that. I can give more detail but id prefer if we take it off yt comments for that if you agree. or anybody else for that matter if you have any experiences i would like to educate myself to be a better person

@@pikipoki1801 yea sure. If u have an email we can do it through there

My gf has BPD and she does exactly what you suggest. She tells me her delusions. No matter how silly they may be. She is in DBT therapy and very self aware. She still has these delusions. But she knows that's what they are. Doesn't make her feel any better, but it at least gives her the confidence to confide in me those delusions. And it really does help to establish on both sides our understanding of BPD and her emotional disregulation. We have been together for two years and have had our ups and downs but by working together and having a mutual respect for each other's mindset we have fewer and smaller hills to climb when emotional disregulation is misunderstood. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and it is so worth the work~ 💗

I am myself married to a woman with BPD for 10 years so far. I understand what you mean but I wouldnt be so optimistic personally. Firstly, theres very little efficient treatment and in adult age, almost noone beats the disorder. Its all a matter of awareness and ability to self-reflect - few people have it, let alone with BPD. Secondly, I personaly am skeptical about the diagnosis, its often a left-over basket for people that dont match one particular category. It also sounds much more clinical than "character spoiled by toxic, incompetent mother", because thats the case 90 % of the time - even people who dont experience actual tantrums and are quite in control of their emotions if they want are often labeling themselves as "suffering" from BPD despite never going through actual diagnostics, simply because some paid therapist told them over coffee and it sounds much better than simply being a totally toxic partner unwilling to take responsibility for their demeanor.

Yeah it's sad that disorders weren't really common knowledge 20 years ago. I think a lot of suffering would have been prevented and people would have had a greater chance to understand what's happening with them or with their partners. Personally, I think BPD is not as treatable as the Dr makes it out although I appreciate his neutral hopeful approach to it. Like the Person above me commented, it takes a huge amount of self-awareness and restraint. You basically have to rewire your entire emotional reactice system. BPD is caused by childhood trauma. you gotta work through that trauma and it's exhausting and often depressing. Not everyone has the strength or the will or the help around them to heal their attachment wounds. Emotional hyper reactivity is something I think will never go down. It's a ptsd symptom - your nervous system is wired differently and you stay in panic mode a lot longer. I think BPD can be lessened greatly, especially if you meet really loving people and if you become aware of your problems, ideally before you're 20. There is more awareness now, thank god. It's easier to self diagnose and that can be incredibly helpful

@@mandarinadreux9572 I think it is all about self-awareness and ability to self-reflect - you can suffer from quite strong BPD-induced tantrums yet if you have discipline and the right approach, you can largely control the damage it does if you understand its largely foreign behavior induced by a disorder, you can warn your partner or walk away, shield your children and not expose them to the episodes too much, go for a walk and then come back and even laugh it off. But I only really saw one such person - the wast majority dont want to admit their overreactions are artificial and self-provoked and with time, are less and less aware of the reality around them, blame their partners for being cruel and cold, and so on.

The problem is once they are adults they usually don't want treatment or just try enough to hold on to you then relapse then try a little again etc etc. It's just a cycle of emotional and verbal abuse. And you think something has been resolved, but two years later it isn't, or the incident never happened at all, or blah blah blah. I love Dr K but I don't think he has been in an actual relationship with someone with BPD and he doesn't know what he is advocating people sign on for!

@@lovetolearn881 I think he should have a collaboration with Dr. Ramani about this. She focuses on narcissism, but she's aware of the other disorders. She has videos discussing the difference between narcissism and other disorders.

I feel that. I've been in a relationship with a person with BPD for 3 years since 18 and it has gotten to the point where my own family stays away from him out of discomfort surrounding his extreme emotions. All he's ever been to them is kind but there have been times where he expressed his struggles in an intensely emotional way and that has just driven my family away. Having that support from them would be extremely helpful, and I know what it's like to be left in the dark because of a lack of support. At least this video gives me hope that it can get better.

@@Max-ud3qo wait so you’re telling me that your partner has been nothing but kind to your family, yet the moment he has his struggles they abandon him and don’t want to be around him anymore?? Despite the fact that he’s always been kind to them. Wtf. Your family sounds like the issue, not him. They should be more compassionate and understanding towards him. He can’t help it. I don’t think they realise that the emotional intensity of BPD is like having three degree burns that nobody but yourself can notice. That’s how it’s been described as by professionals. Lucky for them that they don’t have to deal with that, shame on them for being so neglectful to someone (who’s been nothing but kind to them) when they’re suffering. I’d disown that family. They sound horrible, like the kind of people who will only be there during the good and never the bad. That’s disowning material status in my eyes. Ain’t no way I’d let my family treat my partner that way for having struggles that they can’t help.

@@trickstersenses It's a very complicated situation. I'll start by saying that both of my parents have been wanting to provide any kind of support they can for him. Both are very sweet and loving people and want to create a situation where everyone is happy and healthy. However, my sister is the one who has been neglectful. She's only 15 and deals with her own mental health issues but has completely cut him out and stopped talking to him entirely for no other reason than "he acted too emotional around me too many times." Obviously, you cut someone out of your life entirely and cease communication when they have severely wronged or hurt you, not when they are simply suffering and asking for love and support. Maybe that person's intense emotions make you uncomfortable, but in that case, you set boundaries while maintaining a sense of acceptance for them, not completely cease all communication and act like the person doesn't exist. So yeah, I'm taking big issue with this because it's having a very intense effect on my partner and my sister is doing absolutely nothing to try and fix the situation. The entire fear in BPD surrounds abandonment, and my own family member has chosen to abandon him. When I was referring to "family" I was only minorly referring to my parents as well because part of me feels like they could be doing more to help my sister figure this situation out instead of letting her just entirely cut out my partner. But I don't put any blame on them as they have been nothing but kind and loving toward us. I simply wish there was some fix to this situation because it's causing a ton of stress and depression for the both of us.

@@Max-ud3qo Then ideally, your sister needs to mature up a little bit and have a sit down with your parents, you and your partner. Have a cup of tea or a hot drink present to help ease the tension. She needs to learn how to establish boundaries instead of cutting someone out, making them feel like a problem for having mental health issues. She wouldn’t like it if someone did that to her, so she shouldn’t do that upon others. She’s 15 now, she’s at an age where she needs to learn that actions have consequences and that karma will bite her right in the backside. She needs to sit down with your partner and say “hey look I understand that you have your own mental health issues, I know that it’s difficult for you to manage strong emotions, however I cannot be that person who helps you through those times as I am emotionally unavailable to due to my own mental health issues.” And establish some boundaries that are healthy both for him and herself. What she is doing is cruel. BPD episodes only get worse when there is abandonment, and that’s precisely what she’s done to him- abandoned him. That’s only gonna make his BPD go wild, as people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment. No offence or anything, but your sister needs to grow up a little and gain some perspective. If that’s what she’s gonna do when others around her have mental health issues and become emotional, then she shouldn’t be surprised when others start to do the same to her when she has her moments of need. In fact, if it’s already happened to her- that’s just karma at this point. Maybe she needs to be told- what goes around, comes back around. I feel for your partner, I really do. I hope he’s okay, and I hope you’re okay too and I hope that both of you can get through this and come out stronger from it as a team.

@@trickstersenses The same thing happened to me with an ex-partner, he had a wonderful family. Although I always tried to be kind, in fact I always was. But they could feel that there was some internal conflict (struggling with dissociation, not being carried away by the lack of coherence of the self, etc.). That is to say, they wanted someone normal for her daughter, not someone who would constantly fight with himself to be integrated into others. There is something very tribal about that, it is her family and they wanted the best for her. It must also be said, the BPD diagnosis came two years after ending my relationship with her, she looked for someone more stable. Now, 12 years later she is happy, her family and her friends when sees me, they feels great compassion towards me. But I will always be an emotionally unstable person for them, there will always be that stigma. They love me well but not too close because they already have their own problems. Which is understandable, they are just protecting themselves. The path of humility and compassion is very important, those who left us behind were for reasons of self-protection and well-being in the medium-long term. I don't feel resentment, only understanding. I have been with 3 couples after that and even so it was the family that tried the most to welcome me into its fold. I will always be grateful for that. Things get a lot better over the years. :))

Knowing this means you’re well on your way!

So proud of you!

Well said Thank you for sharing

Thats really awesome. I was never diagnosed with BPD but I had extreme abadonment issues and everything you said is what I did to help myself heal from it. Took a long time but well worth it. Good luck on your journey 💕

I've learned that letting my friends know when I'm in a low has really helped our relationships. They know to avoid more emotional topics around that time and if I do end up acting off, they're already aware of why and we can both calmly agree to just take a break after an apology from me until I can chill out. Them understanding my mental state and us planning around it is odd, for sure, and took getting used to, but it really changed my life for the better.

yah I know the feeling, this is where the "you have to love yourself first" cliches become like not cliches and a monumental life saving but ultra difficult task to pwBPD

@@lostintheflurry i do love myself 1/2 the time thanks to self splitting 🤣😂 but for realz i totally getchu.

That's more in the NPD area

@@mycoolvids well I dont have NPD. Maybe I can explain better. I attach to emotionally unavailable people who tend to use me. I chase is what im saying. Its not a discardal of available people in a sense of "i don't care about you." Its a "I don't feel safe with this affection. Intimacy feels inauthentic." I don't use people and don't think Im better than anyone person.

@@exovit6348 my bpd exgirlfriend actually broke up with me because I didn't fill her "toxic relationship needs" and was "too good for her" in her words, she then kept trying to get together again for 2 months non stop. A week ago she stopped tho, saying that I never trully loved her and hopes she hates me soon... :/

@@lindseybishop1213 Why do you say this? Any examples ? I’m actually curious, I hope I’m not being mean by asking

​@@lindseybishop1213 well yes, but that's true for anyone that talks so much as a streamer.

@@lindseybishop1213I’ve never seen that in him. He’s been pretty objective plus it’s his job as a therapist to be like that as well. I can see how since his audience is majorly male gamers maybe he’ll try to understand their perspective more.

@@lindseybishop1213 it’s statistics really. Parents treat and traumatize their kids very differently, girls need to be loving and boys don’t cry, that kind of thing. Fucks you up in different ways as an adult.

@@owlson2527 don't worry that comment is pure bs.

Man i was in the same exact situation before. It’s true it’s the hardest thing ever. And it’s good you are out of it now. Man if I were in a relationship again, even if someone is struggling mentally, as long as there is compromise between us everything would be alright and I would love them unconditionally.

i'm in a much healthier relationship now. we don't fight or bicker. we just enjoy each other's company, have fun, travel, and try to make each other better. it's super validating knowing it really wasn't my fault that the previous relationship didn't work out. just be patient and don't lose your willingness to be kind. you'll find what's right for you! @@corpsdice2910

Dr. K's advice is basically "Let monsters abuse you until they remember what it's like to be human". It's great advice for the monster but not so much for the functioning human.

@@Rainsoakedcoat yeah i can understand that interpretation. at the end of the day it will always come down to how much you love the other person and want to make the relationship work, so his advice seems to be geared toward ppl who really want to make things work long-term but don't have any idea how

I’m in this exact same situation now. If I’m calm she pushes and pushes and increases her personal attacks and then when I finally react she says “look at how emotionally unstable you are”. I see the patterns all the time and I’m trying to figure out how to break them but the truth is as much as I love this girl the relationship is slowly starting to break me.

This makes me so happy! I'm so glad for both of you

so happy for you!

I’m happy to read a success story

How does this work on a Flat Earth?

Good for you

Thanks for sharing. As someone with BPD and PTSD, this gives me hope!

Same boat here. There is definitely hope. 🥰

This - people with BPD can be completely normal, healthy people. The BPD makes it hard for people to engage. If you stick with it, the relationship can absolutely be worth it. Thanks for the commenters who mentioned the lack of nuance in my statements.

@@alokkanojia-js4lg not to be rude, but by definition someone having BPD does not make them completely “healthy”. Like anyone else, people with BPD are complex, and with those complexities comes nuance. I’ve had a friend with BPD for 10 plus years now, and watching them struggle in the way they have is gut wrenching. They are an absolute sweetheart when times are good, and quite supportive when ever anyone needs a shoulder, but they are also self destructive. They can be volatile and it makes it hard to engage at times. I don’t think framing things the way you have gives a clear picture of the dynamics.

@@alokkanojia-js4lg The relationship could be worth it, it depends on the person, because every person with bpd is different

Wishing you peace, same with me and my ex with BPD

idk why but i think (its in my case) that nobody really can help someone with bpd or try atleast. i hate it. like i try to learn by myself and i only take help i really want like therapists and stuff and sometimes i get not wanted help or from people that cant understand me (because i know em long enough) than i get annoyed and angry too. i mean moodswitches are a thing but beeing aware of them and to learn how to slow them down or even stop them is nice to know but thats thing i can do and not someone else. like i can stop some stuff and correct it and try to learn better. but other can only say it. its like on me to change stuff i guess thats what my brain says sometimes

​@@dgs_rinki69 thats literally how mental health treatment works. You work on yourself to get better and go into remission. Bruh

​@@teratsukielizabeth543 BPD is slightly different in that it's truly beneficial to have a stable relationship. Not saying that it's totally someone else's responsibility but it apparently improves outcomes

​@@CRSH3000 A stable relationship is perhaps necessary but not sufficient. The person with BPD needs to be willing to get the help they need.

@Defreshh! So, is this to make fun about the previous person's comment? To me, they made a sensible point. Who are you to tell them they need help?

@@Lopro94 i don’t have sympathy for people who take out their pain and frustrations out on the world . Tbh I don’t care what you think. That guy above is projecting their internalized behaviors in his/ her comment .

@@defreshh9961 Hm, interesting. I read the comment differently - that the person said they preferred not to be prematurely judged/face prejudices on the internet based on their BPD diagnosis because the spectrum is diverse. To me, that seems like a sensible statement. Where did you see projection in what they wrote?

@@Lopro94 why is he assuming people on the internet or strangers actually make assumptions that he “stalks” people. It makes no sense . It’s almost as if he’s in denial and he is projecting in an interesting way.

@@Lopro94 maybe he worded it weird ! I’m not sure

Been there. Breaking it off in that situation is extremely difficult too.

i feel you brother, the same happened to me. I dated her for about 5 years. We moved into an apartment the last 2. But when the lease was up i couldn’t do it anymore. I was going to therapy off and on (when I had the money) and was trying over and over to get her to get some form of help. I even offered to pay it all and work even more overtime. In the end the abuse and the resentment towards getting help or trying to improve in any way is what drove me away. I hope she got the help she needs. I’m in a much better place now, so i’m thankful for that and my family who helped me thru my time of need.

Peace in your heart ……amen

I went through something really similar, you did great you know, it's really hard to date someone with bpd so don't judge yourself too much

Yea it’s all defence mechanisms right.. So if your depressed or somthing you are going to respond to their defence mechanism with your own defence mechanisms. Spiral to hell.

I would have loved to have been this person to my ex bf, but he didn't take responsibility at all. It was deeply hurtful. I commend you for doing the work, you are making your gfs life better because you saw your side of the stuff. Keep being an example, we need more people like you talking out there and educating others.

@@hspinnovators5516 I appreciate the kind words! It's definitely not easy but nobody gets better without taking accountability. I'm sorry you didn't get to have the same experience. Us BPDers are great lovers but we definitely have to get the dark side under control though lol.

Hello, my fiance was just diagnosed with BPD and its hard. So hard, and I'm trying so hard. And he's trying, so thank you for saying that there's hope. Because there are days/weeks I can't feel that hope. Blessings to you and your partner.

GOOD LUCK OP!!

I have tried so hard to be stable. I love him SO much!! But how do you just stay and put up with the abuse when they refuse to get diagnosed and get treatment? I've begged, I've bossed, and he won't do anything even though he is pretty aware of how terrible he's been to me.

You sound like a very thoughtful and considerate person. I'm sure you will get better tools so that you can give the best of yourself to that significant other. Wish you the best, you deserve it!

I’m praying for us all.. we will be ok. Until we seek the help we can.. be kind to others and most importantly yourself.

Hey. It’s okay. Please be kind to yourself. You did what you could at the time with the coping skills you had at the time.

You're not alone, man. This whole video really messed me up. It's the first time in 10 years that I've felt like somebody understood the hell I've been through, and it sent me down an emotional rabbit hole. Every single thing he said in this video, despite his disclaimer that he's being hyperbolic, is a perfect description of what I've gone through. Every single thing... I tried for years to get her into therapy (and I did myself) and when she finally did, her therapist had no way to see through the facade she put on. What I thought would be a good thing turned into another method for her to vindicate herself and her actions. Years into it, with a new therapist and us being separated for over a year, she finally showed an interest in working on these things. But it didn't last, and she started accusing me of of being a narcissist, having bpd, etc. We're not even together, and I still feel like I'm imprisoned on a never ending Rollercoaster. All I've ever wanted was to feel vindicated. To just feel like I'm not completely alone for the rest of my life with nobody understanding or caring about what things were really like. My therapist is amazing, but I don't think I've really gotten to that point with him. Hearing this video really affected me and showed me exactly what I need and why I'm still so affected by this trauma. I'm not saying any of this to make this about me. I just want to empathize with you and let you know how much I truly understand. You're not alone. I genuinely know how hard it is, and how deeply this video affected you. Don't feel alone, man. Despite how desperately you might feel you are alone, you're not. My heart goes out to you. Please just keep working on yourself and try to find healthy ways to move on and resolve these things. It's 100% possible. It just takes time, effort, and serious self-reflection.

@@NautilusGuitars I hope you can show your therapist this video alongside most of what you just told us in this comment, like verbatim in an email or read out loud. Your therapist if he's worth anything would be so grateful for this insight into how you feel and what you've been through.

@@VioletEmerald Thank you so much for your comment and your encouragement. It's very sweet of you to take the time to read my comment and offer your thoughts. I did consider doing just that, and reached out to him via email expressing that I might be sharing some thoughts, and that I'd prefer if he used some of our scheduled time to read them before we spoke. I'm just a bit hesitant because we do speak about this past relationship a lot, and I've been expressing a desire to work on other things more. He is aware of a lot of my feelings and experiences with this, but I'm not sure if I've been able to fully express how deep it goes. I think I have trouble expressing those things fully, and realized after this video that I'm likely repressing a lot. I'm going to take your thoughts into consideration here. I thought the same thing about sharing the video and my comment, but I was concerned that was too much. Seriously, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. It really means a lot, and it's probably exactly what I needed to make the best decision here. So thank you so much!

@@NautilusGuitars you are not alone either my friend. ❤ I don’t have it in me to explain but I’m with you and I HEAR you

How did you manage to turn it around? Or did your partner play a part in giving you extra security?

Please share how you found stability.

@@alouise3557 I'm not the person that you asked but as someone who has succesfully healed from it's mental conditions including BPD the most important thing about all of this is awareness. Whenever you feel out of place for whatever reason just go for a walk or sit down with your emotions and ask yourself why you feel that way, what triggered it and so on untill you start developing a natural sense of awareness and discovering more about yourself untill there are no more blindspots or knots to untie, it is stressfull and could lead to nasty side effects like panic attacs when you are searching deep within yourself but without that info you'll never have a clear picture of what you are dealing with and most likely will never fully heal, so don't attack the symptom but rather figure out why you have that symptom in the first place and eventually "attack" the root cause. Also having something healthy to hyperfixate in was super helpfull, i kinda become addicted to physical training and fitness in general so i was having a blast while regulating my sleep schedule, diet and exposing both my nervous system and gut bacteria to adapt to healthy stimulus which only helped to accelerate my recovery. In the end it took me 4 years of hardships and letting go a lot of stuff and people, specially people, but i went from borderline mental hospitalization to just having a little low self esteem and i have to atribute that to the full understanding of myself in n out, physically, meantlaly and spiritually

​@@marcelomarcelo514I am so proud of you!!🎉❤

​@@marcelomarcelo514what a story! You rock. To the question above - I would say if you don't have any stability at all, you should get professional help. My wife asked her doctor to get hospitalized because things got that bad. She says it was the best decision possible. It didn't solve her problems. But it was a start. After getting out of hospital, she was under doctors supervision, in therapy. That was a basic safety net of stability. She met me. Thanks to couple therapy and her psychiatrist, we managed to keep and grow our relationship. Meaning more stability. She was making some progress. She was able to build bridges with her family. More stability. She was able to return to hobbies. More stability. She returned to work. More stability. We got married. More stability. My family finally accepted her and now actually really loves her and she loves them. More stability. And now she is highly functioning, without any issues. She just asked for help her doctor and then commited to do the insanely hard work. But it is more then possible.

Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.

Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them

YES sure of Dr.benfungi. Did straight shrooms in few nights. Left me like a blank slate after words, no more addictions, pains, ptsd and depression. Shit saved my life, all thanks to Dr.benfungi

100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma

How do i reach out to him? Is he on Instagram

My exact experience. Wish I could have read this 6 years ago.

That sounds like my 6-month relationship. I mean you can set as many healthy boundaries as you'd like, but they choose to follow them or not at the end of the day. I found out during the breakup that she was never willing or committed to us in the first place.

The thing they don’t talk about, when there’s so many negative interactions and toxicity, dysfunction it makes those super rare good highs extremely more sweet, and then when they treat you terribly thinking you’re gonna abandon them some point in the future and they can’t trust you, so because they begin treating you badly and you begin to withdraw they completely abandon you first in fear you’ll do it to them when you just don’t want to be abused or taken advantages of. Then they come back acting like NOTHING happened at all.

Also, the reason women are and have always been allowed to emotionally abuse their men while it’s evil & taboo for men to physically abuse their women is due to it being seen as societally impossible. Men aren’t able to be abused since that would mean weakness or being human beings, it would be acknowledging mens emotions matter on a societal level which breaks the status quo.

I just have to say that not everyone with BPD is like this. I have BPD and I went to go get therapy because I didn't want to lose the relationship that I had. When I got a diagnosis of BPD, medication, and therapy, everything started to make sense as to why I was acting the way that I was and I became VERY self aware to the point that I could communicate to my husband if I was about to have a mood swing. Not everyone with BPD is like this and they're not automatically toxic. However, if you're about to date with someone with BPD and they aren't getting help or refuse to get help then run far away from them. Just because someone has BPD does not automatically make them a monster, but undiagnosed and untreated BPD is monstrous.

Well, I have BPD since I was a little girl... I had anxiety and depression since I was a child and it was really hard... I had very abusive parents so they obviously blamed me for having depression and being the way I was, when they abused me so much that I delevoped BPD... But, I made a choice. When the pandemic began and I was trapped in my house with my abusive family, I hit rock bottom and told myself: "I'm no longer going to listen to anyone, I don't love myself and don't know who I am, this is going to be painful and hard, but I will do everything in my power to find the light". So I spent my pandemic days fighting an internal battle in a quest to find myself. I knew it would hurt, but I knew it was my only choice since I wanted to believe and fight with everything I had. I went to therapy, and I even had to move out of my house when I was 16 years old to live in a garage away from my family and keep myself safe. It's a very long story but... I want to tell you something that may help you feel better... I had an ex boyfriend, he was my first love. I didn't know that I had BPD and we were 13 years old back then, we were so young. I would always do what was mentioned in the video but didn't know exactly why. Years later, we decided to stop talking to each other and go on with our lives... But even though it was hard, he truly loved me. And I knew that even if I wasn't perfect (I genuinely hated myself for being that way but couldn't do anything about it cause I just didn't know how or what was happening in the first place so I hated myself more), he still loved me, listened to me and understood me. Years later, when I started to heal, I started to get a sense of self, set boundaries (even if people abandoned me for it) and love myself. I filled that void and fear of abandonment with self love and a promise of me never abandoning myself and that being enough. So, I healed and learned lots of things. And one day, I met a guy that I started to like, and we started dating. He was nice and everything seemed comfortable and nice. But from one day to another, he said "I think I don't love you, let's end this relationship" And I said "what do you mean? just yesterday you were saying that you loved me very strongly" He said "well that was a lie, I was just trying to see if it was true by trying to say it but it wasn't true, I don't love you and I never have" :v So, I said.... "okay", then cried alone and moved on with my life. Because now I knew that whatever he said, thought or did... Had nothing to do with who I was or with my value as a person, because I knew myself and loved myself. I did very well, but I was obviously hurt and sad because I'm human... Even if I learned how to handle my thoughts and emotions, I was brutally hurt again. I wondered if someone out there would ever love me for who I truly was. But I remembered my ex boyfriend (my first love) and remembered that even if he chose to stay away, he always told me that he still loved me and he was always patient and understanding. And that, was a gift. It was not necessary for me to heal, but it made me feel better to know that even if we decided to go separate ways, I would always remember his good intentions and what we experienced together, even if it didn't work out. What I want to tell you, is that sometimes when you love someone but they're not ready, you don't have to play their part for them. They can learn by themselves even if it's hard and you don't have to feel guilty about it because.... They are responsible for their own life like you are also responsible for your own life. We all have our own struggles but what is nice is that she will always feel and remember when someone cared. When she's sad, she will know that some time, somewhere, someone, did care. Even if you had to leave to protect your values and put yourself first. And that's enough. You did what you could. I'm sure that deep down in her heart, aside from all her fears, she knows that. She feels it.

I feel like men can get a bit similar feeling of being “stuck” in an unhealthy or toxic or stagnant relationship with codependent women, they can’t exist without you and you feel a lot of sympathy for them since you do care about this person.

​@@Me-oq1ld Thank you so much for sharing this journey of yours. It really means a lot. I am currently in a relationship with a girl I deeply love who has BPD. I am a highly sensitive and caring guy, she means a lot to me and after every fight we have I always approach it from a point of love and understanding. I wanted to ask you if you think it's possible for her to learn how to love herself and set boundaries while "inside" the relationship? Sometimes I feel that if I leave her it would be better for us both because she has to learn to love herself. I can't make her love herself but I always encourage her to, and it's sometimes draining. She always says she has a void inside of her and says if I leave her she would die without me. I am an engineer and have had a long-distance relationship with this girl with BPD for almost a year. She kind of knows it because she studied psychology but doesn't believe in western medicine. I never bring it up because it's not my place to diagnose her and I am not a doctor. It's been so hard. The age gap (we are almost 5 years apart) and the distance (she's in America and I am in Europe) and her BPD makes things so hard and we've been holding on for so long. We both really love each other and want to make it work. She already booked her ticket to spend the summer with me and we both believe we can manage this relationship but at the same time, she doesn't have self-love for herself. She does everything in the video Dr. K mentioned and I used to think it was manipulative and sabotaging but after the damage is done, she calls herself a monster and apologizes a lot and she recognizes her actions. Sorry for the long paragraph, to summarize is "Do you think she can learn self-love with me by her side or would it be better to break up?" I believe "love" means selflessness the last thing I want to do is let her go but if it helps us both I am willing to.

Do you ever wish you didn't give up? Your whole story sounds exactly like what my current boyfriend experienced with his ex. I always worry that he'll think he should have stayed with her and tried harder or something. My relationship with him is very stable and healthy but he also has low self-esteem and because I'm stable I don't need him to rescue me all the time. He loves helping people, and gains purpose from that, but it's not a dynamic we have. He often says I'm too good for him. But I honestly wonder if he isn't just bored because we have none of the emotional highs that come with abusive relationships lol.

@@SkyeAten Thats interesting. Im seeing someone now whos ex was BPD, he loves drama (though he claims not to) and claims to love a "damsel in distress" - well I can look after myself and Im feeling the same, that in comparison he must be bored being with me, confirmed when he told me that he had doubts when I was quiet on a date once (lol). My ex was also BPD but Im a very laid back, patient, artistic sort of person whereas the new guys definitely some kind of NPD so, in my case he probably IS bored at times, in yours Id ask yourself if its not YOU whose bored tbh, you may be projecting. You might also wanna tell him if he says youre too good for him TOO often you might start to believe it :D

How so?

Certainly seems interesting. I'd imagine bpd that isn't quite is much more expressive, making it potentially harder to deal with but also quicker to fix, while quiet bpd is almost harder on the person suffering, because it's more of an internal disintegration, and may be easier in terms of willingness to get into treatment, but take longer to fix. This is not backed up by research at all, so tell me if there's accuracy here or not. Also, I wish you tell well, and hope things work out for you

@@calimorales9880 I would say that's a pretty good assessment. We have both been concious of our BPD symptoms, even when unaware of this diagnosis. This added a lot of insecurity growing up, that our symptoms would cause us to be abandoned. There's this constant exhausting, panic attack like internal struggle to desperately fight back against the BPD. However, it's out of our control, so we put on a very convincing masks and sink into ourselves to avoid any BPD leaking out and potentially ruining our relationships/opportunities. As a side note, we were both raised by narcissists.

I agree, I'd be super interested in a video on quiet BPD! That's what I have, too. The masking can get so intense that my therapist of 2 years told me she completely forgot multiple times how symptomatic I can be and how bad my lived experience was...even though I'd describe it with words every session. I was also raised by a narcissist!

i have/had quiet BPD. In my experience you have to bring that turbulence OUT before it can be fixed at all. quiet BPD is more functional but actually allot further from recovery in my opinion. you have to reconnect to emotions first and that process is very very very difficult. i for example literally was incapable of anger for YEARS, now I get bursts of rage that I can handle or blow off in some other way. but this could look like regression but it wasn't I was completely NUMB for years and years and years and feeling anything was a step forward. but not at all easy.

Get out while you can. Or this will be your thought process: Girlfriend stage: "I've gotta get out..." After marriage: "I should've got out..." After kids: "I could've got out!!!"

@@greenjelly01 Or, alternatively, just stay at the Girlfriend stage until girlfriend has been in a couple years of treatment for BPD and manages her symptoms successfully on a regular basis. Once the BPD is determined to be "managed," consider marriage. If girlfriend refuses to be evaluated or treated, don't bother hanging around.

You are in prison.

You’re a good person, best of luck. I hope I can be a good girlfriend to someone as kind as you someday.

I ended a 6-month relationship with a Girl I suspect now may have BPD. You can manage it. The key is to remain like a rock. Don't react strongly to her emotional highs or emotional lows. You are objectively not the best thing that's happened in her life, and you are objectively not the worst thing that has happened in her life. In my case, there was religiousness mixed in with the BPD. So it limited her willingness to pursue treatment, and increased the number of things that caused friction in the relationship. If you have good communication. You can get through this. Stay hard 💪🏿. Set healthy boundaries. If you guys live together, consider living in your own spaces. An extra buffer could do wonders for your mental health and her mental health. If she has more time to develop a sense of self outside of the relationship, then she won't feel as abandoned by the prospect of breaking up.

i know right!

It's obvious he has been very lucky in his life. Hair is one more thing he has going for him.

For real

No androgens detected

Dapper af

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you feel like you are better equipped to manage a relationship now that you have seen this video? I feel empowered to better manage relationships now. I think I may have dated a woman with BPD before, and I wish I knew this stuff before jumping into that rollercoaster of a relationship. I have self-esteem issues as Dr. K mentioned in his example of people that love to be idolized. I would have remained more stoic, but caring in the relationship if I had known what I was dealing with. I also would probably have not moved in with her to allow her more space to develop emotionally. For her to develop a stronger sense of self while knowing that someone from a distance was watching and ready to help. Hindsight is 20/20, though. I know how to be more empathetic towards BPD sufferers without playing with their emotions now. I hope this video empowers BPD sufferers just as much as it does their friends and significant others.

Don't believe this video. They DO NOT GET BETTER. This guy needs to cite and specify what statistics he's relying on.

This exactly, when I try help someone I refer to my own experiences, people see it as me trying to be competitive with who's problem is worse or me trying to make them problem seem small or me wanting to talk about myself but it's the only way I can try help the person understand their own pain through my own experience with it because that's the only way I've been able to accept help is if the person relates it to their own experiences and now I find I can only understand someone else's struggle if I think back to a time I did the same

Correct. His description of Bpd behavior is very very toned down. They’ll say the most horrific stuff to you. Not convinced they get better at the rate claimed.

@@Fleury4 yeah, that was my opinion as well. It didn’t come across just how horribly traumatizing the lows can be. It’s been years since I dated her, and I still done feel ready to date again. Dating somebody with BPD can seriously mess you up.

Yeah nobody should feel obligated to hold that type of emotion space for someone who needs professional help. Been there and it helped me realize I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with any of it. After all I deserve an amazing supportive and stable partner.

@@Fleury4 psychiatrists often do not and have not suffered from the conditions they treat nor have they taken the medications they prescribed. I doubt he’s ever dated someone with BPD.

I feel you. About 7 years ago, I dated a girl with BPD for just a few months and it really messed me up. Threatening me with suicide was really a weekly basic ritual, as well as listening about how she cut herself. I was also constantly competing with other mans she was talking with A LOT. I think these few months of relationship and years of blunting emotions have led me to depression which I am now treating. This really sucks.

An absolute mind f my BPD ex and brother are 🤮 is what I describe my past relationships with them

And you can take steps to improve all of these for a more filling future with love.

​@@sirrantsalottthat's rude to say to a person with bpd

@@sirrantsalott yea rude

Your licensed psychiatrist who specializes in BPD is correct- there is no recovery. Dr. K is lying. Please do not rely on his bullshit. He is over simplifying an area he has zero knowledge of.

True. Lifes already hard enough without having to deal with other ppls problems.

I agree with you, been there, 4 years, i didnt know, it makes sense now.

Yeah, I feel you. My relationship only lasted 1.5 years but it was still all over the place. They got diagnosed recently and it al makes sense now.

Same here. He blamed me for everything and didn't feel remorse for the things he had done to me. I already had a low self-esteem when we got together, but after those 3 years he completely broke me. It's been 2 and a half years since our break up and I'm finally getting better with the help of therapy. But it will take a long time until I'm ready again to go into another relationship.

If they refuse to get help then it's probably not gonna end well.

Also, single parent, combat vet with ADD here, so I understand my situation probably qualifies as an outlier, but, over the last few years, you’re vids/streams have been paramount in my road to recovery. Have you had any experience/desire to work with the VA?

You got off cheap mate

$14k is a bargain. I'm glad you're doing better!

i had almost the same experience as you it seems except no kids. I hope its better without them! I hope for the both of us it is!

Well said.

NOBODY can have a successful relationship with a Borderline.

You are not alone, brother.

Yeah, I was married to someone with BPD for close to 5 years. Most traumatic experience of my life. I feel bad, but damn I just can't go through that again. There's someone I know who I had always had a bit of a casual crush on, After I got divorced we hooked up a few times, generally both enjoyed each others company, but then she told me she had BPD and I knew I couldn't try a relationship with her. Also sucks because for some reason I'm a BPD magnet, I always meet people, hit it off, then find out they have BPD and have to make sure I'm not sending any signals that I want to be in a relationship with them.

As someone with BPD, I'm sorry you met one of the worst cases. All my relationships ended because I dated narcissists (or just generally insecure people) who cheated on me or didn't value my time, and I left. The best of us try our damndest to keep that trauma regulated and communicate well so we can avoid blow ups. I was constantly apologizing and being told they didn't even know why I was saying sorry (one of my exes would even get mad at me for apologizing so much, like actually start a fight angry). We're not all assholes, I swear 😂 But you do have to talk talk talk it out until things settle, and if you or they can't do that, you're doomed.

I wish you so much luck and love 🍀 ❤️

What. Our fights are just my episodes. I've heard those exact words from my wife for over a decade. I just got it. I thought she was a narcissist for shifting all the blame on me 😭. I just got it. She was right. I'm a dumbass. I messed everything up. But the thing is, I kept trying to change without knowing what to work on, until now, and I've already done the final discard. I love her too much to ever let her back into my life again. I just wish I'd known this 10-20 years ago.

@@user-vl1ky1je2n you can do this, there is hope even if you don't see it - keep taking action!

I'm curious as to when/where your husband got his diagnosis. All of the things you are describing are, as a general rule of thumb, beyond the capacity of a BPD sufferer to achieve, maintain, accomplish with ay success or regularity! BPD sufferers are NEVER prone to accepting responsibility for their actions or the damage they cause. Honestly, based on what you have written, I would have cause to challenge the diagnosis as incorrect!

you re a good men

Youre lucky u were even able to have this convo with her. Dont get too wrapped up in her problems. In the end it will only destroy you

I honestly feel this to an exact tee, pretty much. It's comforting and reassuring that I'm not alone.

Dont want to sound cynical, but if she has full-fledged BPD, she probably really doesnt need your "support" and you in her life - she probably has a new object of fascination that will be the centerpiece of her attention for some time and you are absolutely expendable, chances are she will even demonize you as mentioned in the video and talk exclusively bad things about you from now on. Again, dont want to sound harsh, but thats my experience of 10 years with someone with the disorder.

@@f4ust85 thats narcessism so clearly and obviously.

Well, some psychopaths also commit unintentional manipulation, it does not grant automatic pardon.

Good on you, I hope you have good things in your life for years to come. It’ll be okay.

@@greateagle8799 Thank you.

How does a person get diagnosed?

@@allisonb.8492 You have to see a psychiatrist for that.

@@pizzaface898 I hope you're able to fine resolve. I wish you all the best in your situation.

@@pizzaface898 it's only a matter of time before you are discarded

As a 38 yr old woman suffering with BPD I’d like to take this time to apologize to all of you guys for being put thru such an extreme roller coaster ride of emotions, we now understand what you went thru. On behalf of all of us who suffer with this extremely draining disorder, although the video mentioned ,I’d still just like to remind you that from the depths of our soul we do not at all mean any of the nasty hurtful things we have said or have done but rather they are just our own twisted way of attempting to protect ourselves from our very fear, not realizing that in most cases it was the very thing that has caused exactly that very fear to happen. It breaks my heart to realize just how disturbingly real our fear of abandonment actually is and all the highly desperate/sad/inappropriate behaviors that come with this unfortunate condition. For the ones who were not able to take much more and ended up leaving someone with BPD in order to protect their own sanity, really learning about this disorder I’m sure it’s safe to now say “we“ do not blame you. And to those who were able to endure despite the risks and still see us with compassionate understanding knowing we are still only human deserving also of love, Thank you we appreciate you. From the bottom of our hearts we’re truly Sorry for all the hurtful things we’ve ever said or have done ❤️🙏😔🥹 thanks for all the support.

Perfect until not perfect yes you become the worst or actually an enemy like situation. Going through it now.

@@michellewhitney6841 I wish you all the best in your situation

Yes, this is definitely my story and a topic worthy of covering too.

I wonder if the statistics on BPD remission are flawed or just wrong then. Because I’m sure there are many stories like yours, and to think this is so prevalent, to have persistent BPD for even decades, it’s hard to say that’s just part of the 1% who are not in remission after 15 years past diagnosis.

Honestly sounds more narcissistic

@@ericksanchez370 All of these people do not usually get diagnosed by officials and included in the statistics. I think the statistics are about people diagnosed with BPD and working on treatment actively. Everyone else... not really such a hopeful story. My mom would never have been diagnosed, except she had a mandated psychiatric evaluation during a custody battle which semi-diagnosed her officially with a myriad of things (alcohol abuse, what they called dysthymia at the time but is now called persistent depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, a global functioning level of 50, and "A personality disorder not otherwise specified" (look that up on wikipedia, it's a real thing), with Borderline, Dependent, Histrionic, and Obsessive-Compulsive traits (4 types of personality disorders). Prior to that in the same custody battle (when I was 17 years old in 2007), a social worker had recommended my dad and my grandmother read a book on Borderline Personality Disorder and already thought that seemed closest to our family dynamic. Importantly, that psychiatric evaluation (or social worker's assessment) wasn't included in a study on BPD and remission rates, and no one ever followed up with her 5 or 10 or 15 years later to see how she was doing. She's not the kind of person with BPD they were studying. Later, when I was 31 years old and went to a Psychiatrist myself, and I talked about my mom, he realized she sounded like a narcissist. He recommended Dr. Ramani's KZfaq channel where I discovered she's a textbook Covert Narcissist COMBINED with BPD explosive rage. My current therapist seemed for a while to be convinced the 3 hour rages I described her having in my teenage years were indicative of Bipolar Disorder but she's not an expert in diagnosis. She's a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC). I feel confident BPD is closer than bipolar for how my mom was. This wasn't mania. this was extreme emotional dysregulation and alcoholism. You might say my mom clearly isn't really a fair case, because she had way more going on than BPD. But there are a LOT of people out there with this kind of messy story instead of a clean and easy to study in research one.

@@ericksanchez370 Optimistically, I think it's treatable if the person is willing to work on themselves, to take responsibility for hurting others, to want to change and to try and to seek therapy and treatment. It still takes YEARS to have major improvements, and when I dated someone with quiet BPD they had been trying to seek treatment for over a decade but no one had even successfully diagnosed them with BPD until about 14 years after their first suicide attempt. Actually, I think they SELF-DIAGNOSED at that point, and then the mental health professionals agreed only after they realized the patient was right. My partner at the time thought DBT was amazingly helpful but struggled so severely in the meantime. It was too much for me to bear despite trying SO hard for an entire year.

Thank you, I'm going to start working on my situation.

I get it. Just saw someone say that in comments. They are a danger to themselves yes in many ways but the psychological abuse they can do to people around them, specially closest, is traumatising. Their self harm may also he used as manipulation. Don't recommend it for people with past abuse trauma. Not everyone is able to deal with them and that's fair.

Yeah, I agree. Personally if I know someone has BPD it's a full stop to that relationship. I really respect that they want to get better but I'm also not here to be anyones surrogate parent while they abuse me every step of the way...its a no from me dawg

Its been half a year i tried something relationship ish and i just lost feelings and i got kind of bored? How tf do you get this of this BPD high love? It was the most excruciating experience i want to come clean of up and downs like that.

Okay, so people with personality disorders and mental illness are people with personality disorders and mental illness. Abusers are abusers. Just because someone is mentally ill or has a personality disorder, that does not automatically mean they are going to be abusive. I think using language that identifies abusive behavior i.e. gaslighting, silent treatment, etc. is important because people who don't have mental illness or a personality disorder can also be abusers and stigmatizing vulnerable people is not the goal, stopping the abusive behaviors of literally everyone is the goal.

@@shanereynolds8651 exactlyyyyyyy

Glad to see this. I have a feeling I might have had an undiagnosed bpd partner before and it was hell. Recently I think I'm heading into the start of my first relationship since then with a girl who told me she has a bpd diagnosis. I found this a little terrifying. But she is actually one of the most emotionally mature people I've been with and is very independent so far. She's very kind and doesn't make all her problems mine. I'm worried it will get more complicated but I'm surprised to see how well she handles this and Im feeling positive.

@@hhope-carter9676 I feel similarly! I've finally met someone at my level emotionally. Hoping the best for both of our relationships! ☺

There's no such thing as a "stable relationship" with a Borderline. You're just biding your time until their illness explodes.

@@VIDS2013 Maybe you missed my point and Dr. K's point. You can be in a good relationship with someone with borderline. I'm not saying everything will always be perfect, that's unrealistic for anyone. By your standard, I'll never have a "stable" relationship either due to my disability. But I'm in a healthy one. I'm not speaking for anyone else's partners with bpd or invalidating anyone's experience. Will our conditions affect each other? Absolutely, but that applies to all couples neurotypical or not, illnesses or not. What matters is accountability and how you handle your own problems and how you handle things together. My life is already on a harder difficulty, if anything he makes it easier. And if I make things better for him by doing things I normally do, even better.

@@TheJulietxo I'd say you entirely missed my point. Relationships are difficult enough in the absence of malignant mental illness. With BPD, the relationship is doomed before it starts. (Though the scenario is probably worse if the woman has BPD.)

Not nice of that nurse. There are some good and some that it’s too much for. Good luck in your journey.

You will, Jen. You do need the right person though. I'm actually quite impressed how people with BPD find the strength for new relationship considering how typically bad their previous ones were. From my experience, you are a perfect match for thousands of people. Because what you clearly consider a drawback may be the most desired feature they need. Say, being hyperemotinal is a blessing when you did not experience emotions with you ex for years. Same is true for other things.

Getting just a little bit better each time really adds up after a while

I think you shouldn't take this seriously but more like an outburst from an overworked tired insensitive nurse. She would never say that to your face because her job is still to care about them.

​@@GlebKlimshinlies

Don't worry, you don't have to give up, she'll give up on you.

Congratulations on thinking for yourself. A lot of people don't and rely on stigma instead.

@@LobotomyTC FACTS

Sounds like you have a very loud inner critic that needs quieting.

🎉 😊❤

Glad you had help and people who stood by you. People shouldn’t abandon people who need help. We all need help at some point. And you’re proof that a stable relationship is exactly part of the solution. I feel like people who are most critical and unforgiving of BPD, and I mean being incapable of having any compassion, are the ones with mental problems of their own. A stable person knows their boundaries and knows compassion, like your husband probably did.

how did you get with him prior to fixing that, or were you with him after already being mostly stable?

It didn’t come too late. Once physical abuse enters a relationship, the relationship should end… in my opinion.

No way dude, if anyone physically or continuously emotionally abuses you, you do not stick with that. Do NOT try to "fix" that person. The only time it is worth sticking around and supporting them is if THEY acknowledge that THEY have a problem and they are actively seeking or receiving treatment for it.

Do not return to an abuser. If you can, get some therapy for yourself.

I feel that man. I was with my ex for 7 years until last march. Things became abusive both ways but it was always worth trying to fix and to this day i dont agree with the people here and think abuse automatically means you should never talk to the person...but admittedly, esp with bpd, esp in a long relationship that had deep hurts both ways, it really is hard to course correct once it gets there.

But yeah, no shame in still missing her. There was likely a lot to miss. I know the connection i had--and in many way, will always have--with my bpd ex will be very very difficult to replicate again. I went thru a bunch of rebounds this year and nobody made me feel a fraction of how she did on a normal day.