After watching this, I feel seen for the first time in my life. I also feel so deeply sad for our parents and other generations who didn't get any sort of insight into these sorts of issues and just had to live and deal with them the best way possible without even being able to identify what these issues were.

The toll it takes on the partner of a fearful avoidant is also devastating! To have our emotions yo-yoed around like this creates trauma for us too! The on again off again is exhausting and we are always hoping when they come back that it will work “this time”

Heidi: Don't try to be friends with your exs! Me: Ok, but what if they broke up with you and you don't understand why and they're the only ones who can answer the questions you have so you can resolve and heal your preoccupied trauma? Later in the video: Heidi: Avoid the belief that the person that hurt you is the only person who can help you heal. Me: GOD DAMN IT!

I helped my partner overcome these issues by painting a stable background where she was free to enter or leave whenever she wished and there would be no rejection. Because of this she began responding to therapy, where she found the means to shift her attachment style.

"Until you like yourself enough to accept that you're a human being who needs care, support, comfort..." I have never heard the more precise description of what's going on with me and what changes I'm going through.

Thank you. I ended a relationship with a girl who behaved this way. Hardest thing I ever did, her compartmentalising is painful to watch. To see someone choose to be absent, to feel like you don’t care and they have this super power where they can leave with no issues. Was all to much for me to bear anymore. Be kind to people everyone.

I don’t think I care if you see this comment or not, but I seriously and wholeheartedly think that this video is saving my life, my sanity, my personhood. Thank you. I have never felt more seen in my entire life. You may be saving the only positive relationship I have experienced thus far, and I am crying but in a good way. Thank you.

11:07 It's sooooooo true!!!! It explains so much! We weren't allowed boundaries as children, so now we think the only way to get boundaries is to completely escape the whole relationship!

Being a fearful avoidant is rough, such messed-up childhoods. I feel like there needs to be C-PTSD support groups like they have for AA etc. I see, hear and validate you all, my comrades in trauma. 💜

When you mentioned 'friendships where you bring your full authentic self,' it made me realize that however amazing my current friendships are, I don't see them as deep or intimate or as vulnerable as the romantic relationships I've had, because my 'full authentic self' sometimes included sobbing naked in someone's arms over past trauma (of course I would never do with a friend 😂), or showing anger at a partner (I never show anger at friends), or calling and unloading with no filter all my anxieties about work, school etc (I am really careful about dumping on friends and ask first, etc). I need to do a lot of thinking about this... I tend to be my 'full authentic self' only deep into a romantic relationship and sometimes that self is messy and unregulated and honestly probably hard to take care of....but I assume they won't leave and will nurture those sides of me (wrap me up in a burrito blanket lol) because they've committed and love me.... Whereas with friends, I try really hard not to be a burden because I assume they'll back away if I'm too much or hard to care for or dump negativity. So my friendships tend to be positive and steady and has lasted decades whereas my romantic relationships haven't gone more than a year or two. This is making me wonder, do I need to treat my boyfriends with more of the careful respectful distance I treat friends? Or practice sobbing in front of a friend and sharing deeper things or going to them for comfort on a bad day? .....maybe it's a combo. I def allow myself to get to very vulnerable, very deep states with partners and then ask for a lot of soothing there. But if I was on the opposite end of this role, I would find it exhausting. Hmm lots to think about. I feel shame about this topic and vulnerable even sharing this...but thanks for creating a space to share and to anyone reading this for listening!

It's so true that all you get told when you go to someone outside of the rship for support, that you just get told "Dump him" "You're worth more than that" and he is slagged off to high-heaven, when half of the issue is with me. It just makes me completely withdraw, and internalise all of my pain and difficulties. Then I tie myself in knots trying to decipher what the actual truth is of what is going on, rather than what my anxiety is saying it is 😢

I really feel so sad for fearful avoidant people, it must be so terrible to live like that, but it's also just as tough being on the receiving end, always getting your heart broken by the same person, and never really know why, and I'm someone who will take that person back over and over again in hopes that, maybe this time... I myself have an anxious attachment style, so I stay attached for so long. I wish it was easy for all of us who struggle with insecure attachments to heal our childhood "trauma" but it's so difficult and at times feels completely impossible, no matter how many articles you read or videos you watch. It's really so sad. And not everyone can afford therapy.

Laying in my bed crying right now. Your videos have cured my lifelong confusion, shame and fear in the few months I’ve been watching you. It hurts so much unpacking this trauma but you make it so much easier to deal with. You are an ANGEL!! Thank you!

On top of all that, I feel that because we aren’t able to set boundaries and speak on our feelings is because we don’t want to add on to our trauma. So we continue to be fearful avoidant. It’s so hard to ask for what I need in relationships because it’s like I’m allowing the relationship to go wrong so I have a legitimate reason to go back into hermit mode and not really have to deal with things.

My ex was fearful avoidant, but its like he was able to vomit feelings to his friends and family but NOT his lover. The relationship was conflict free but mostly because he was avoiding telling me his needs.

I feel like I was turned into a fearful avoidant by a series of bad relationships as a teenager/young adult. I used to be solid as a rock in relationships, but slowly transitioned into the on again off again pattern. And now I can't even get to the point of being on anymore. I love the flirting, early stages. But as soon as my feelings are reciprocated in a way that seems very real, I do a 180 seemingly against my will. And the argument can't even be made that I'm just interested in sex, because I don't even get that far. Sometimes I don't even make it to a first kiss....

This is the best summary of a fearful-avoidant. I’ve struggled relating with many videos describing this attachment style. Heidi, you hit the nail on the head… I tend to favor my autonomy/single hood more than you described, but I do wish to find connection, without enmeshment or being controlled. Finding someone I can trust with being vulnerable is scary because it simultaneously feels so good and so dangerous.

Did no contact for pretty much the first time with my last break up. It was fucking horrendously painful and I longed for him and missed him so much, then...started to read about attachment trauma, codependence, enmeshment etc..and watched a ton of stuff on KZfaq (so thankful for such amazing stuff to watch) and realised how traumatised I was and the patterns of my relating. SO painful to process all this and grieve. Fast forward 6 months and I now have no idea what I saw in him! He was totally emotionally unavailable (as was/ am I by having largely unhealed cptsd) and actually pretty mean to me. I'm FA leaning anxious and he was the most DA person I've ever met. Terrible combination. Committed to myself now and learning to relate in healthy ways. No more crumbs from myself or others!

I was in a relationship with a person like this. One heck of a painful rollercoaster. I cared a lot for the person, but eventually had to just walk away.

I was looking for content regarding this topic because I’m in a push and pull situationship with someone, and I wanted to learn something about them. It turned out it was me all the time :( I would’ve never guessed this. I honestly feel rejected often, even though I’m not being clearly rejected by anyone, but my extreme fear of rejection and abandonment makes me want to avoid the contact with the other person. I now want to apologize to every ex I have 😢

I'm never ready to go no contact with my partners when the relationship is ending regardless of if I'm kind of the one ending it or not. Once I love someone, I love them forever for the most part. I have built friendships to try to balance my emotional needs, and not solely rely on my partner - but then I fall so in love, or I want to be with that person so much it's hard to maintain other relationships.

What I can tell you is, the person that is left behind can be much more than heart broken. Wish I had understood better the pain my best friend was going through, it could have been life changing for both of us. No contact is a very hard, painfull way of ending what you think of as a long term, beautiful loving relationship.

Wow! I do have friendships, but I’ve never felt like I’ve had friends who were emotionally intelligent when it comes to romantic relationships. I am working on expanding my circle to include people who are not just totally traumatized by their families and unable to form healthy partnerships.

I just ended a relationship with a fearful avoidant, and it was incredibly painful. One day we were naming our future children, the next she looked at me with disgust. This video clarified a lot of things for me.

I always thought remaining friends with former partners was a sign of maturity but truthfully it is just fear of letting them go completely…! I definitely relate to anxiety IN the relationship. Thank you, Heidi ❤

The reason we don't break things off when we know we know we need to is typically because we have abandonment wounds and are extremely codependent. It is EXTREMELY painful to deal with.

For the longest time my thought pattern was I don't need them and they don't need me, it couldn't be farther from the truth.

Oh Heidi!!! My ex partner and I watched this video and decided it would be best to try out the 6 months to a year no contact healing journey. We may end up realizing we arent good for each other during that time .. 1 month in and I can feel myself swinging all over the place emotionally. Some days I feel hyper independent, some days I feel like Im drowning in numbing out activities and sometimes I unblock them and hover over the *send* button to a "lets just call this off" text. But im trusting the process. Trusting that being able to show up with boundaries and a community on my side who deeply loves and supports me, will help me find answers for the me who searches for external influences to calm the inner storm. This video changed a lot for me. And Im ready to take my relationship's seriously. Ugh its so hard though lolol the inner drama in LOUD

Even though I have probably the most difficult moment ever and still a lot to heal, I'm so proud of my self right now, seeing how couple years passed and that pattern doesn't apply to my life anymore. I can resist urges like that and my relationships are for sure better and more authentic than ever, also the romantic one.

I have been married to a fearful avoidant man for 27 years. I am traumatized! The cycles made me feel crazy. We didn’t know what was going on and both say it is tragic. I never understood the closeness then the rejection. I have heard him say things about losing himself and didn’t understand why he felt that my “normal” need for closeness would make him feel like I was going to take him over! Ugh

I wrote a lot so if you aren’t willing to read it all- I guess I really just want to know how to be there for my wife who has a fearful avoidant attachment-during a separation. I am a recovering anxious attachment person. Recently my wife (fearful avoidant) has decided that we should go our separate ways. Mainly because there was a lot of trauma in my past that I never dealt with that caused me to hurt her in many ways. I feel as though I was the first person she ever completely opened up to, over and over again. But I wasn’t in a place to ever understand her and consistently treat her in the way she needed. I ended up hurting her many times over. During this separation, we have been on a very limited contact situation. We would only talk about our daughter. However, during this separation, I’ve done a LOT of personal growth and through it all, I still feel as though I want to be with her. However, she hasn’t been able to do much work on herself because she hasn’t found a therapist that she likes and has kind of thrown herself into work. I don’t know how intimate her relationships with the other people in her life have gotten. But from what I know about their relationships, it’s never really been as intimate as she’s needed (and that’s before we were going through a separation). She came to visit a while ago and things went GREAT. After the trip, we started talking more and had one really deep conversation. After that, it’s like she ghosted me. I’m willing to fight for this relationship through times like these. But after watching this video I think I realize that she has a lot to figure out on her own. If anyone was brave enough to read all of this, I greatly appreciate it!

Just left a fearful avoidant person! It was in and out, and extremely draining. Even while we were on good terms he would still be distant as if he didn’t want me to get too close. Very guarded among other things. This pattern is toxic and damn near destroys the other person that is simply trying to love and care for you! If you know that you have this attachment style please do not date. Work on healing, get therapy and practice self love. It is not fair to date ppl knowing that your lack of stability and irrational mixed up behavior is going to effect someone else. HEAL!

I went through this a lot. She’s right. Had a lot of neglect as a child from my parents and siblings. You or I can’t victimize ourselves. We have to forgive ourselves, others , focus on who we wan to be and for the next relationship, explain to them that real love is going through the storm , not around it.

I haven't heard anybody talk about the difficulty in finding people who understand the unique and challenging life path of someone with this style. Thank you for speaking to and validating this aspect.

This is how I relate in relationships with men. I can be vulnerable with friends no problem. When I start to date a man it's like my brain becomes scrambled and I'm hijacked by intense anxiety attacks, need to end the relationship. Boundaries are difficult as I feel once I've agreed to something there no way back then I'm trapped and I'm climbing the walls with anxiety, can't sleep/ eat and the only way to cope is end the relationship. Yes there's been trauma not awful longterm, I guess enough to have developed these coping strategies which are anything but! In therapy I would say I don't know how to be in a relationship. I have had one very important longterm relationship with an older man who passed away, it was very intense and passionate on both sides, very calm no drama , never felt overwhelmed or trapped. Safe loved, taken care, affection, physically tactile. Since his death when I like a man is available, i don't know what to do with his compliments, interest it feels too much. Yet I feel lonely and do feel incredibly upset emotionally and grieve each time another relationship ends. 😔

Great video. Thanks. As a 40+ male I've pretty much never "ended" a relationship with a woman because men have a much more difficult time getting intimacy. However I have VERY VERY OFTEN felt like I'm being smothered and I'm losing my autonomy in relationships and withdrawn to the point where the women break up with me. Sort of like "Quiet Quitting". The demands on my personal time become too great for me to deal with. I just want to be alone and do my hobbies and I feel enormous resentment at the constant demands on my time so I just sort of pull back. THis eventually makes the woman mad and she breaks up with me. The worst part is that this causes me great distress because I didn't actually want the relationship to end. I just wanted more boundaries but I felt (or in my head I KNEW) that asking for boundaries/more free time, etc would make the woman mad and she would break up with me anyway.

This helped me to understand a relationship I just experienced. I was so hurt and confused when they ended it abruptly. Watching this helped me feel compassion for them instead of anger, which was not serving me in moving on. Thank you Heidi for helping us all.

I love this , especially the google doc recommendation. Whats been working for me is writing out my feelings , uncensored, for 12 minutes and then burning it. During the writing process , im purging everything I feel , my anger , my sorrow , grief , my anxiety , my yearning, my shame & .. even my expectations for the person… sometimes , memories. Im giving myself closure. Rule of thumb : I don’t re-read it & I don’t focus on writing neatly … and i watch it burn . After this , i feel better . And i repeat it as many times as necessary for me to move past the moment. It’s emotionally vomiting and it feels better to get it out. Its been a few weeks since the breakup and I can’t even find the words to tell my friends … but this is helping me so much

This is it. I've never felt more seen or had a clearer picture of my exact behaviors than in your video. I am going through this now after going "No Contact" for 10 months and find myself triggered, abandonment wounds showing up. I fully know I selfishly want to apologize to him to absolve myself from the shame of knowing I hurt someone I love. Even though I know it's a bad idea and we should not be together. Working on forgiving myself. Just feels so sad not having this person in my life.

We broke up recently (again), I felt like he betrayed me so I blocked him. I was fine until a month after the breakup, when I started really feeling sad but no one to talk to. I have a friend but I am not able to tell them how I really feel. It’s just very difficult to cry in front of anyone. So I do get the urge to call my ex but I always wait until he’s the one calling me. And once he does call, I go back. But not this time, because I watched this video and finally understand why I’m willing to take him back even though he’s not what I deserve. It’s my inner child patterns. Thank you ❤ Would love a video on how to open up to a friend or how to be vulnerable. Why it’s so hard to cry in front of others but we do it when we’re alone.

Thank you! I’m the fearful avoidant and I just broke up with someone I was talking to and now I want them back. The struggle is real

Wowwwwww. I’ve been studying about being an FA for about a year now, and this just taught me so much I hadn’t realized - including running back to the same people who hurt me to feel better. I couldn’t figure out why I was doing that, I felt like an abused dog running back to its owner and unable to control myself. I’ve literally used that exact analogy to explain it before. Thank you so much for all this insight!

Wow, I used to think I was anxiously attached. But I now see I’ve swung to the other end of the spectrum because this is what I’ve been going through. Thank you so much for this insightful video. I was thinking I needed to break up with my partner because I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed. But I’m truly lacking the proper boundaries.

Really brilliant stuff. Logically I see/understand why I do what I do, but emotionally I almost have no control over my own feelings. Sometimes it's like I'm on the inside looking out trying to mother an unruly child. My intentions are never bad but I still hurt other people and myself. Loneliness is like a sickness. Thank you for shining a light on this subject.

I’m a recovering fearful avoidant, I leave relationships or put up walls from fear of being rejected by the people I love or when I have failed or have a sense that I let them down. I’m so hard on myself I’m convinced they are better off not dealing with me. I’m learning to deal with my flaws and become better for me and my very loving and patient partner. All I can do is be the best person I thrive to become, learn to trust and forgive myself.

It’s a nightmare being on the receiving end of this

I wish my Fearful-Avoidant Ex would watch this video and actually try to do the work to get back to where she could be a stable partner. Thank you Heidi, I appreciate you.

This video describes my GF. 😔 I love her so much. She broke my heart, only to get back with me a week later and apologized. I genuinely want to help her but she has to want it and has to be aware of her tendencies. I give her space when she wants it and give her love when she's feeling like being close. Ultimately she needs to get help, I just know where I fit into the equation. I want what's best for her, I just hope there's a way I can be with her in a healthy relationship.

My ex who was a complete avoidant studied psychology in college yet still believed whole heartedly that she was secure. That she had no issues, I was the only one that had major issues.. even someone saying that goes to show the amount of self awareness they have .. what to do if someone you care about doesn’t even accept they need to grow, if they believe they’ve already done their growing. She was sooo defensive and always spoke from a place of ego, she had the potential to spread kindness but due to her ego, she hurt me A LOT. There was a lot of making me question my sanity. She even said “i have dementia”. She was hypocritical, she would bring up that one thing I did years ago that “completely shattered” her trust but when I try to reference something that hurt me last week that she did, she would say it’s in the past. It was an absolutely exhausting relationship. I developed panic attacks and would have vivid nightmares every night. and i was in denial for most of it as I’m anxious attachment style.. i bawled and considered even ending my life after she broke up with me over text after 4 years with nothing for me to hold on to, no explanation, no “let’s talk it in person”. I moved on for the most part in 6 days thanks to my amazing circle of faithful friends who I had isolated myself from while in a relationship. But they came through for me, reminding me I wasn’t too much, I wasn’t a burden, I wasn’t terrible like she always made me feel..

This is so much gold, I can feel my heart weeping a little cause everything I’ve felt is suddenly making sense 🥺

This video made me feel so understood! I have thought I must be asexual yet I am attracted to people, maybe some weird stranger kink yet I have horrible social anxiety, maybe just a flat out narcissist who love bombs and leaves people in the dust when convenient yet I deeply care about my kids and loved ones. No explanation ever fully encompassed my behavior with men. I was just going over with my sponsor that I feel actual DISGUST once I get close to a guy I am dating and I don't know what's wrong with me. Thank you SOOOOO SO much for this video, it finally described me perfectly when nothing else made sense

This sucks cause you dont really know you have issues until you're in a relationship that exposes that you do! I just want to be happy. Learing and seeking therapy.😪

Thank you Heidi for humanizing the avoidant experience. I’m familiar with my own avoidant attachment style and have made progress on it over the years, but hearing someone actually describe it from the inside really helps to lessen the pressure and the burden of needing to change, and helps me feel less alone.

I had never realized how fearful-avoidant I actually was before watching this. It's a nice feeling to be seen, and it's a great feeling to see I'm already doing so much to heal, and a lot of the advice I already kinda figured out naturally, hoping the unintegrated stuff will help out in the current storm. Here's hoping I can navigate this storm a bit more steadily. Thank you so much Heidi for sharing this.

Oh my gosh. I’m almost 60 and have been struggling since my divorce with 3 long term relationships where I showed up as a fearful avoidant. Thank you for the language and insights that I will use on my journey of healing. ❤

This was incredibly clear, such a depth of understanding and helpful.

My ex was avoidant and that traumatized me very much throughout our fights especially since I am anxious attachment. He always put the blame on me for me wanting time together and assurance but he never realized his behavior is unhealthy and never acknowledge that the way he treated me was not ok. Now after we break up I'm trying to heal and move on and he keeps texting me "how are you" messages. It's very annoying I want him to leave me alone and stop messing with me. These people are the absolute worst for anxious attachment people.

This is the best way someone ever explained this ❤ thank you so much.

You have no idea how much this has helped me. Thank you so much for making this video!

Thank you for the clarity your channel provides me. You are appreciated!

Around the exact date this video came out I just went through a breakup with someone I'm deeply in love with who (unfortunately I realized too late after the fact) shows this pattern. On my part, up to this point I had managed to keep my own opposite anxiety more or less under control until I went a bit too overboard one evening (I panicked) and she shut me completely out. I realized I was powerless and the only thing I could do is leave her completely alone. I have been cykling from intense heartache and back again to a strange reassurance that she will open her heart again the way she did from the start. Watching this explained from the inside out is really helpful, but also somewhat frustrating. I mean, there's part of me screaming out "Come on! Why does it need to be so complicated!?". Of course I know why. We all have our scars on the soul, some more than others. These explanations really help me be even more empathetic towards her, and also even more patient. I did send her a nice hand-written letter on nice paper and expressing lots of tender feelings and thoughts to wrap things up a bit yet leaving them also open. A kind of half goodbye standing in an open doorway. Part of me hopes she'll be reminded of how well I treated and supported her and maybe we'll have another shot. I just really hope we can fix this again, because I think the world of her. 😥

Thank you for sharing your own vulnerability, it really really helps 🙏❤️

This is incredible. So glad you popped up on my suggestions. Really connects a lot of dots for me. Sincere, insightful.

Exactly what I needed to hear, an answer to my prayers 🙌🏻

Your words and the care you convey in this video is soothing to my soul thank you! You give me hope that I can heal

I can't thank you enough. You answered questions I've been searching for for 3 years. I'm in awe at how my life just changed in a matter of 30 minutes. Thank you

This is such a good video thank you. Probably the best explanation of FA and best advice on the internet I’ve seen in years .

This nails it on the head better than any other video I’ve watched. Thanks so much for verbalizing my feelings exactly.

Hey :) I only found this channel the other day but everything you say resonates so much (almost painfully so), you have brought a lot of clarity to things I have been working on for the past few years. The tools you suggest have just brought a new level of understanding and empowerment to me already. Thank you for putting these resources out there for people to use

I had to write down pretty much every single word of yours-- uncanny how accurate it is of the relationship I just got out of (me being the more anxious & Him the fearful avoidant). So many good insights that help me understand better. Thank you for sharing!

💜, Bless you Heidi, I so get it. Thanks for sharing for so many of us who resonate 😘💜

Heidi you are amazing! Every single video of yours is a gold mine

This blew my head apart and allowed me to see how trauma bonding controls so many lives. Thank you for stepping outside your comfort zone to bring awareness and inner peace to others. Bravo!

Wow this has hit me in a lot of ways. The man I loved asked why I wouldn't open up....why I acted like I was just to cool for it all. I wondered too but I thought it was just me. Now I see IT IS dysfunction. I have early childhood trauma but I thought I dealt with it. I have lots of friends but grew up far from family. I always want to reach out to my ex but I don't have anything to say. It's for comfort which is selfish so I'm trying to stop....and I'm afraid to try with him again bc I don't have the skills to deal with the things he does that trigger me. Thank you for this video and speaking as an actual avoidant.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us Heidi ❤

I think you're wonderful! Keep sharing you're doing good work for a lot of people.

So, from the sincerest, most inspired place possible: This video is a true eye-opener. There is so much insight here. And, Heidi, your candid presentation and honesty is really encouraging.

i majored in psychology in college and videos like this remind me of that passion i had for it since i was 15. i’ve always been aware of my trauma before i even knew what trauma was, and to this day it’s still so exciting to learn about. great video! thank you 😊

Wow! Trying to find comfort out of your relationship hit the nail on the head! Thank you

I can’t thank you enough for making this video.

Thanks so much for making his video. I am in my late 20s and have had the same pattern with several of my exes of repeatedly initiating breakups with them only to get back together not too long after. I decided a few months ago to take a year off from dating to figure out what my issues are. I related to not all, but a lot of this video, and it gave me some further insight into myself and affirmation of some of my chosen healing strategies.

Your videos have a way making me feel seen, devastated, and hopeful all at once. I have spent my entire life in the military. Stoicism is the emotional language, until it can’t be anymore and the anxious side blows up everything. I am working through this and your videos are a huge help. Thank you.

Excellent video. The entire thing resonated & gives me fresh insight that some people DO know exactly what it's like to go thru childhood trama. Thank you! 🙏

Just perfect! Love the journaling technique for procesing emotions.

This is a total gem. Never know I'm a fearful avoidant until I'm listening to you, Heidi. Thanks for shedding light on this, especially to be brave to embrace uncomfortable feeling and grieving a relationship.

Wow!!! This was Amazing! Best podcast I’ve ever listened to! I resonated with everything you said so deeply! I’m in so much pain right now after the breakup and all I want to do is go back- but then when I go back it’s great for awhile then I feel smothered and it ends then the cycle repeats!!! You are fantastic! Thank you!❤️

Oh my goodness Your content is life giving!! Thank you for all you do! I’m a fan for life.

Heidi your video delivery was fluid, articulate and psycholically insightful. Thanks.

Thank you Heidi. You described my experience so accurately. I cried while watching this, but I guess that just means I am learning to grieve :) This was a wonderful reminder that I need to get myself more comfortable with vulnerability in my friend group. Its haaaaarrrdddd but necessary.

I just want to say that I feel so validated by your explanations and your insights, it's a giant relief to know that my behaviors and fears aren't my fault. I feel bad for hurting the person I love so I don't want to be in a relationship with them, but it also hurts so fucking much to let them go. I hope that I can get better in the future and be able to be with the person I love without causing them confusion and pain.

By far the most helpful video I have ever watched. Thankyou.

Wow! I just discovered your channel and everything you said in this video resonated so much with my experience! It also comforted me in knowing that I am on the right track in healing and breaking this cycle within myself. This video this so wholesome and your delivery is beautiful!

This is the second video on fearful-avoidant that I've watched just today and I'm exhausted from the emotional process. It's all true. So grateful this is here to take in and allow to simmer. And to know it's not just me. Excited for more videos.

Heidi, that part at the end about how you are able to talk about this on a KZfaq channel now and about how it will feel like going through hell... wow. Thank you thank you thank you for doing this 🩷

You did it again Heidi 👏🏽 🙌🏾. I wish you nothing but the best

Thank you ❤ this is my favorite channel

Wow. I knew I was avoidant but never realized that actually I"m fearful-avoidant. This video has described to a "t" my 13 year on-again-off-again relationship. And many relationships before that one. I"m just stunned by this video. Thank you so much for your guidance on how to heal and get out of this pattern. You are literally saving my life. Thank you.

I was interested in learning about attachment theory for years and have read many books about it. I'm just learning that I'm a fearful avoidant with an anxious lean. It's the most frustrating thing I've ever had to deal with. Thank you for your videos on this subject. I feel so understood finally.

What a blessing you are. Thank you. 🙏🏻🙏🏻 so much of this resonates and provides clarity.

This video was put in my path at the exact time I needed it. I appreciate you for the raw, vulnerable, and informative perspective you gave us. Life changing video. Thank you so much