I use to be in a relationship like this on and off... it never works and only wastes your time so anyone going through this to leave while you still can

It has been off and on for years. I'm going to have to go no contact. The discard doesn't feel good everytime. I'm not a light switch. I've done everything I could, except love myself and have boundaries.

I just found this video and it hit me pretty deep. I am currently in the off period of what I believe to be an on and off again relationship and the working on your issues and coming back a different person is spot on. My stance is if I give her my best self and she still walks away then I can be a peace knowing I did all I could. And the skills and issues I fixed will only benefit me for the next partner This last time I was a terrible listener to my partner and was trying to offer solutions instead of being empathetic and listening to listen instead of listening to respond. Often times I would be defensive instead of trying to correct/solve the issues

Once you're off don't go back on simple as that...no contact

I did the Narcissistic dance 9 times in 2.5 years... horrendous experience...didn't know what I was involved in...now I do... so much damage done...but all the abuse finally pushed my mind out of the fantasy into reality and learnt so much about myself....and how to spot a predator.

I’ve been in and on/off cycle for 3 years and this is break up #3. It feels surreal because I thought everything was resolved when we last got back together. That was far from the truth- there’s a lot if things we both need to fix if we want to get back together. I always said I would go to therapy for my intense anxious attachment but never did- it ended up causing the recent break up. I really hope I can work through my issues during this “off” period and if there is an opportunity for an “on” period I can at least return a different person- healed from my issues.

I am constantly becoming more self aware, changing, growing, discovering, maturing and doing the work. Every experience is a lesson learned, right?! 😊 I find most people are unwilling to do the work. They are unwilling to look in the mirror. Perhaps they’re afraid of what they might see... My philosophy is, “I only grow apart from those who don’t grow”. I like that you are encouraging people to look to themselves in terms of problem solving, good talk!

Great video. I'm in the "off" of one of those. We love each other, but there was a lot of unhealed trauma and weak boundaries between us. Now I'm vigilantly working on myself. Whether he comes back or not, I'll be better in the long run regardless.

...and there's still expectation, which will make it hard anyway... I lost years of my life with men that we're going on and off. I did exactly what you recommend, Susan, but if a man is not available, you cannot change his fears at all. Now I would leave when I realize the relationship stays in that status.

I really love your positive spin on this topic, Susan. I’m such an optimist that people can learn relational skills in order to be a better partner and transform an unproductive dynamic.

Totally my new way! Positive vibes only! Either he catches on or I'm done for good...and he'll probably never know! Change has to happen! However, I've grown tired of initiating, putting in effort, time and energy!🙄

Thank you so much Susan. I've learned so much from your videos and I'm always looking forward to the next one. I'm rewatching them constantly because there's just so much to learn and gain from them. They're short but full of information. Keep making them :)

I wished I find you 4 years ago....its too late to fix my situation now....on off too many times. He is now gone.

It is so depressing for being in off and on "almost relationship" for 4 years. We actually never been in official relationship, but it's more exhausting than having the official one. We have been having this vibes since we thought we felt in love each other in tge wrong time. We always make it up again after 3 months off and end up fighting and against each other again. It's toxic

I was in a relationship like this from the age of 23 through 26. What a waste of time from my part! Now I found out he has been married for 2 years. Unbeknownst to him that I know this info. He still had the nerve to text me : give it time, I'll explain everything at the right moment. Right explain what! That you are married. Lesson learned

Cool video. I like the notion of re-entering a relationship as a different person. After watching about two dozen of your videos, I thought it’s good to share how much I appreciate your suggestions and work.

I really love Susan. I feel she is the only real support in relationship issues

There is no on/off relationship. If they don't want to be with you... leave.

this was perfect, straightforward and informative. thank you!!💫

Such good advice. We're on the on cycle of breakup #4. I'm trying some new things and it's working. Thank you

Such a class act. Thank you Susan.

Amen! We encounter people and difficult situations in order to grow. A timely spiritual take Susan, keep up the great work!

Great question! Great answer as well...as usual. Happy holidays Susan!!!😀😀

Love your advice and suggestions Susan!! Thank you.

Beautiful advice! Very insightful. I did not know I needed this advice till I watched this video. Thank you Susan, you're awesome!

Hi Susan, thank you so much for answering this question. I am so glad to know that I am working on myself and reevaluating my relationship priorities and my weaknesses. I will be a better equipped person for a happy relationship in my next partnership ( whether it is with this recent person or not). To hear from you that I'm going in the right direction makes me feel so good :) love and appreciate your insightful advice!

Such great advice! I have always thought that once you break up once, can never go back bc the relationship didn’t survive the first time around. We had broken up twice with this person and each time I was in so much pain, I had dove more into personal development to get my own life in order. And each time we had reconnected, I was not the same person- it also changed the dynamic of the relationship, he started opening up more and more( which I didn’t expect). I grew a lot from this experience. In a way I’m glad that happened, at the same time it was a rough time. I know the easy route is to blame it on the other person and the whole situation as unfit and just move on. I made sure when I took development it was to better myself and not because I wanted to get him back. I’m currently in an almost third break up (not sure yet depending on what he says), I’m realizing that I want to learn more about building a happy and healthy relationship with healthy boundaries and I just want to have all the skill sets for it- I know in relationships area there was no formal education and all the skills were inherited from parents and other peoples experiences and dating. Everyone around me tells me to no need to tAke personal development in relationships. But I feel otherwise, bc whether we stay to together or not In the end, I still have a choice on how to build my life, and learning more will just benefit me.

Excellent! Well answered! Thanks Susan. Happy Holidays to you!!

I really like the way you present the different issues some of us face. You do it with deep insight, knowledge - and tenderness! ✨⭐️⭐️from me in Denmark

Such great advice...as always 🙏🏼💯

"birth, growth, and evolution." Brilliant!!

Excellent video and message! Thank You, Susan! Love You!

I love you Susan. I watch your videos regularly and I really appreciate your sound advice. It’s empowering and grounded at the same time.... I wish you a wonderful holiday season and many blessings :) Mahalo and Aloha. -Annie from Oahu 🌸

So well explained Thank you. I decided to study more on MB, and it makes so much more sense as to how and why we were communicating as we were. Once I explained it to him it made such a difference! Now we are returning to the table with new perspective and communication skills.

Merry Christmas Susan, and thank you!

GREAT advice as your usual.

Beautiful explanation. Did not hear this type of explanation before.

This is and sounding to me like a lot of work. He is living his own life and keeps drawing you back. Walk away and enjoy your next experience.

I don't do off and on relationships. If I'm done..... I'm done.

I just subscribed a day ago. I’m so glad to have found you.

Seeing you just makes me so happy :0 Thank you for all your hard work this year and the care you put into each and every video. I have a blast meeting you and I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas. I would be lost without you. Perhaps love will find me in 2018....xxoo Susan & Desi

Thank you , Susan . Very useful and informative . Also wish you a very happy Christmas and a great new year ahead !

At times in a situations like this even if i sense n understand this stuff but always fails to put it in words..n its frustrating...nevr able to articulate or communicate it properly...but dear susan you are my Angel...U articulate it so well..vry vry helpful. Listening to you makes mee at peace instantly!! Thank u for all the light!♥️

What can you get from a player?! It doesn’t make sense to me here

So true, your videos are helping me so much. So grateful for impacting positively my life 🙏🏽♥️

You are amazing thank you so much for the insight/advice xx

Hi susan mam i am from India i love your videos its really help me i always watch your videos whenever i get free i am so much glad that u help us and to see u thankyou for all your relationship advices and all the best for your future videos

This is great advice. I appreciate the hope, instead of advising that it's just too hard or they are too different and you need to walk away. walking away never helps anybody. Learning how to work together through conflict is life-giving to any relationship... and necessary. Conflict will arise inevitably no matter if you are with the person you are meant to be with, but the conflict can evolve and change in how we deal with it, so in a sense, that conflict can grow moe healthy, too. It's never hopeless.

Amazing!

Hi Susan. Thank you for all your great videos! They have really helped me navigate through my relationships. I was wondering if you could talk about being in a relationship with an avoidant personality. Thank you

Brilliant.

What if they are emotionally abusive

Very smart decision and advise on every video for us.thanks

I’m confused here. You meant dealing a player is to improve yourself while in the off period? A player is a player, they won’t change for anyone or any reason. Unless they want themselves.

Your videos are amazing...Thankyou so much! So what if you both come back as different people but in the end you still can't make things work out? what can someone do when they are not extremely happy/satisfied with their partner but can't be without them and miss them days after their break up?

Im in this type of relationship for the past 3 years. Watching videos so that I can finally leave and end this terrible cycle for good. We must have broken up 30 times...

I love your videos so much. They're short, simple and to the point. Thank you for making me feel more confident about my love life and my value as a person.

lately I m going through tough time because my boyfriend has broken with me and this is the second time. I read lots of articles about it and I was discouraged but you made my today thanks.

Wot a good bit of good advice !!

Dance between codependent and narcissist?

Susan!!! Bigg love

Do you have a curated reading list you can suggest ?

Video. Thak you Susan. Been there . did my work at my best. Didnt work... Now ,4month ago she brake again. She don't saw me progresing in my carrer, or tha i dont have goals or dreams. I think she is moving to another relationship that start while we were couple and i didn't notice. Thing is i feel stock .i know i have to move on and Im doing my best but cant stop thinking or view my future's. Any help? Thanks...

Miss Susan I love your Channel I found it tonight pure accidentally so grateful for you thank you so much. I have an ex that I'm just working so hard to get out of my head he's out of my life he's blocked out of my phone and social media that getting him out of my head has been a challenge thank you for your videos and I will practice your exercises. Thank you so so much

I’m in a on and off situation for 6yrs now. Are we really this toxic for each other. I walk away, He comes back, I come back as well, he does something to piss me off and I run away again. Just a toxic cycle.

love you susan! :)

My situation right now brought me here.. i have been in this situation for like 7 years now in the beginning i used to think that i was special to him thats why he keeps on coming back.. but now i feel like a crown

Hell yeah!

Question. How is an impact does having children together weigh in terms of helping ex’s reconnect?

Your videos are so insightful. thank you for your nice work. Please Susan is it right and appropriate to send a brief message to someone dear ( an old flame, actually an EX ) who is suffering from depression, that we didn't communicate for years? i want this so much.

My ex cheated on me then felt guilty , but dumped me for that person. ...will they ever feel bad ?

Hi susan Im in an on and off relationship The point is im the one who is calling it off The first two times he asked me out I broke it off both the time because i was not sure This time I decided that i wanted to make it up and asked him out and now its been three months But now i have totally lost all feelings I am not good with commitments and said yes just out of guilt I really thought i could make it work on my side but no Its not working for me He and i have both different goals I want to settle outside whereas he wants me to come back I dont feel butterflies around him anymore I feel like such a horrible person He is amazing He respects He’s kind But i just cannot see him as my partner anymore Any suggestions on how to end it forever

17 mos relationship with a Bi Polar ex GF! I researched everything I could about the illness & applied it. We were On & Off many times Bi Polar relationships supposedly only have a 10% success rate. I was to gonna do my best to keep us in the 10%. She used to say, everytime we got back together it was because of you & I ❤️ U Very much for that. You are the one who keeps us in the 10%. Also the one who gives 80-100% for this relationship. She would always say I'M TRYING but NEVER FOLLOWED THRU. It's been 32 days since she set me FREE!! Alot of research, I'm starting to think she may also suffer from NPD. I ❤️ & MISS HER! I think im suffering from Trauma Bond. I'd take her back tomorrow if she asked me to. I have an appointment with Behavioral Health to see how I have been damaged, if any, by staying!

i’ve been in a on again off again relationship for a year and im 16 i need advice

Wow Susan you must have a fly on the wall at my house lol! A guy I had stopped talking to earlier this year whom we have been chatting on and off for almost three years now we touched base over the past weekend. He’s been trying to spark communication for a few months now. I sent him a smiley face in his DM. Of course he responded and we had an hour of chatting there. He said good morning the next day and we chatted a bit more. A couple nights later I said hi. He responded of course but was tired from work so I said nite nite. I believe our main issue is our huge age difference. Hopefully we will discuss it this time around. We just might keep popping in and out of each other’s life until we deal with it and how we honestly feel about each other. Amazingly that part about coming back as a new person, I know I am just that.

Hi Susan, this is a great video, I am in this kind of situation with my partner, we've been together for 4 and 1/2 years on and off (this is the 3rd time when we are apart,he wanted the split ).he is 27 and I 26 , he told me that he don't know what he wants, that he is confused and he wants to see other women.we had a NC period of 4 months and after this we saw each other again, just to talk, he told me that he want to hang out with me , to be friends, he remembered the good and the bad things about our relationship.i told him that I Don t to be friends with him.we went together on another "date" , saw a movie, went to the restaurant and we acted like when we were in the relationship. (Just without the kissing and holding hands part).he calls me once and a while (1 week or 2) ,and he always ends his conversation with "we ll gonna talk ". This week he told me that he want to invite me out. In the Christmas Eve he text me ,also to my mom. The waiting is frustrating me,I don't know what he is up to (in all this time, he went to a lot of partys ).I Don t want to be his back-up plan in case if he doesn't find anyone else. What should I do? I really need an advice. Like you said in the video, I am the partner that everytime wants to improve and educate himself. I'm glad to find your YT channel. Thank you

Where do we send our questions?

When a man distance himself and comes back texting this: why don’t you text or ask at all?! What to say? How to explain that you’ve ghosted me and it’s not my duty to text and ask about you?

What if HE was a player? Can I work it out by working on myself? Thank you very much. You're Awesome as allways Susan. Happy holidays my dearest.

You’re an illuminated woman 🌷

I’m still lost on this advice!!

On and off relationship are bullshit. They do not work. Disrespect is usually a part of them and they are always full of excuses for one thing or another. People need to mow on. Period.

I've done this for the last 3 years...waste of time and they hurt too! It was long distance, do not recommend.

u split ur hair from left side ...looking beautiful ....👌

This has been my case for years, we break up for like a year but at first sight of each other again we end up waking with no clothes.

Why are some of us attracted to the cheaters and Liars. I am one of them. It always happens within the first seven years.

Get out! Period!

We broke up 56 times is my estimate. Theres no getting together

i know your a sag, do you know your moon and venus sign?

Move on thats all

people need to follow their bibles to live their life right and two people need to do that go learn about bible quotes this life is not heaven

The one video from Susan I disagree with. You can bend over backwards until your spine breaks and change yourself until you can’t recognise yourself to accommodate the other. In the end, if they are entitled and unwilling to be responsible or meet you half way, you will be the only loser. You’ve lost time, accumulated baggage and have reduced your dignity and value in their eyes too. I give everything a second chance. More than that is a waste of time.

try this ONCE but after that, no!!! get out.

you don’t i personally looked for keywords in your video caption sounds toxic actually

♥ wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww