If you ever offer scholarships, please send me an application!

You're saving lives bruh. Thank you.

@@peachesandpoets so freaking true!

@@TheWriterNW This is SO LIBERATING isn't it! ❤️‍🩹🫶

I agree. Except for the other parent who was so easily discarded because of unconditional love. Someone foreign to a child manipulated to hate their other parent. You didn't deserve this, and neither did your loving parent. We have no idea what we did, only you know the lies that you were fed. Wouldn't the absence of malicious intent and character slander of them by your loving parent be a clue.

@@kimparke6653 Beautifully said. Never to excuse malicious intent to harm ever. When we all mature n thru healing, we can gain understanding of actions from all involved to heal the trauma. It is far too easy for our children to be manipulated n lied to about a parent that does unconditionally love. As u said the other parent. So many hurt people hurting others n society has become rife with mental health illness/disorders. Compassion all round 💔

@@kimparke6653this isn’t always the case though, and many parents who enabled abusers (I don’t REMOTELY pretend to know your personal situation, just pointing out that this isn’t universal) create a narrative about being slandered to avoid their own accountability. An adult child’s trauma response doesn’t discredit the other parent’s love (in cases where there’s an “other” parent), but neither does that love discredit the trauma.

Co-sign

Jeannette McCurdy is proof we honestly don't have to care about the parent who raised us, either.

For a long time I always said that "No one in this world can understand the pain in my heart," because my father was my world, the center of my universe, my everything.... ` However, I'm realizing more and more that even though people might not have had the EXACT same life as I did.... So many people lived basically the same life. We were abused in basically the same ways, and we react and feel very similarly to each other. ----------------------------------------------- Throughout my life he caused me levels of pain that no one should ever feel, especially a son towards the father who is supposed to be his "universe...." All `because mom would always say I did something and he would come to her defense in a rage and in an angry way because she would usually interrupt his work while he was busy coding.... Except I would be the one to get the blame, not her. I always would tell myself "If only he knew my side of the story... Things would be different." I(in my mid 30's) realized, a few years ago in my late 20's to early 30's, that if he actually cared... HE would have asked for my side... He never did.. I realized this, after I confronted him and came to him multiple times to tell my story... In the end, he just didn't care, because he said he's "too old to change," and other bs like that, even though he changed politically these last number of years. He would be defensive, or shame me by saying things such as I'm too sensitive, etc etc. Would bring up his own abuse and deflect/diminish my abuse... It was just sad. I realized he's just not a good person, and everything is a lie. I realized that he has makes his own choices, and it's not anyone else but HIS choice that HE did something. See, when you have a mother blame you, and a father taking action against you, you are confused about who caused what. You think well it must then be mom's fault that dad came out, and it's mom's fault dad acted the way he did, because I apparently caused mom to act the way she did( and would be told that later in life). This is a subconscious thought/reaction. Now I know that people have to take responsibility for their own actions. At this point, after a life of never wanting to leave my father's side, I don't want ANYTHING to do with either of them. IT HURTS ME SO MUCH. I literally have reoccurring dreams of my father not listening to me, and just believing whatever anyone says. To the point where I throw things, go nuts, etc etc. I wake up in tears. These dreams started I believe in 2016, but maybe even 2014. So maybe 10 YEARS of these "Dreams" (NIGHTMARES). The last number of them had to do with something happening to the point where I'm so angry that I don't attend my brother's wedding(which actually happened 2 years ago, this month). I actually had one last night, where my parents kick me out and I'm homeless, but for some reason my mom cooked me a meal somewhere but I denied it(Maybe it was in jail, as many of these nightmares are me getting arrested for something I didn't do, and my parents not believing me that I'm innocent, I've never been arrested or anything like that before). Then at the end of the dream I'm talking to someone in a desertish area and I randomly see my dad poking his head out over a truck looking at me from behind and when I turned around I glanced at him for a second, and then just went on with my business not caring. Very sad dream. My mother has been telling my father to kick me out, or put me into a hotel. I really don't want to be here anymore though. I don't think being on the street will do anything for me though.

Yea well said.

If you are mourning now, what you will be doing when your parents die ?

​@@marinat187that is a very unfair comment.

This sounds like low contact. It may not be enough to keep you sane judging by your comment. I’m sure it’s all very difficult. All the best.

What a bunch of gaslighting freaks. All ganged up to make you look bad. They always do that. Trying to make it impossible for you to see your sisters performance without a dose of their sadistic crap. They want you to pay for being there for your sibling. You did the right thing. Don’t ever let them hug you. I don’t ever fall for that anymore. The Narcs do not deserve a hug.

I’m proud of you for making it through what I’m sure was a stressful encounter. Keep going; your healing and freedom is worth it!

It’s hard when you still have siblings living at home. I didn’t go fully NC with my mother until right before my grandmother died. My grandmother knew what kind of person my mother was but she begged me to be civil while she was alive. My grandmother was everything so I abided by her wishes. I miss my grandmother everyday, every single day, but her death also freed me.

@@Bronte866These situations are all excruciating and deeply personal. It’s understandable that a sibling would want to see their sibling in a public setting, even if it opened them to contact with other family. All options are awful, and only the person stuck with the consequences can make these choices. I tried to reconnect with my father (who cut ME off) shortly before my grandma, his mom, died several years ago. He spent the funeral I attended acting like I AND my brother (who has also since cut me off) were invisible. It hurt, but was honestly probably the best thing he could have done. If he can’t use you, he wants nothing to do with you. 😔

It’s garbage. I never kept any gifts. I showed them to the police and threw them away at the police department

@@RAHHicecreamI would drop them back at my parents’ doorstep when I knew they weren’t home or knew they were asleep. They eventually stopped. It was thankfully never bad enough that police had to get involved but there were clear attempts to get the tendrils sunk back in me. Still makes me shudder to remember that feeling.

In a way they are. Got that bad energy all over those items. Yuck

Bc it was, there’s a string attached to every single one to trap you into submission

In the book “soul murder” by shengold this is brought up a lot and likened to Pandora’s box. Lots to unpack for me.

Well said!

For us, it was pickled beets 😅

I literally laughed out loud at that line too!!!

When he said, "And that's why I threw the table..." I really did LOL!

Homemade pickled blueberries 😅

❤

This comment hit me at a funny time, currently going through probate with my very toxic grandmother's estate. She really decided to screw over everyone with inheritance as much as she could (deliberately set it up so her sons would lose SSI). Anyway. Good on you for closing that door as firmly as you did. Kinda wish I'd had the same level of resolve.

😢❤ This one really hurt

@@valentino-valentina - We don't sort of expect it, although we sort of do. Not your fault, re: resolve. It's just so awful. Mine has messed about in estates as people have died, one brother included. Then she cut me from their will. She made the mistake of flashing her hand in doing that, now she can't get me or my sibs with any of her tactics, we'll know not to open the bomb. Abusers manage everything by creating confusion and in doing that, sometimes it backfires. The rest of the time, we do the emotionally sound thing in response and that blows up in our faces because they are twisted and it's hard to imagine things their way. Good luck, I am aware of the stress involved. I wish the sons well, they don't deserve the mess she's left. I hope they don't lose their dependable income. Looks like disability or something (Canadian here)? If so, her abuse could be one of the factors in that (I live with a range of health issues as a survivor of childhood abuse and trauma). Hugs to them and you from a stranger who cares! Dealing with estates is so hard. I've had to do that 3 times and each time was a different learning experience. Please care for yourself the best you can.

@TibiSum yes, it's essentially disability, which is very... tightly regulated in the US, to put it mildly. I'm sorry you've had to go through this process so many times, but I appreciate your well-wishes. We're all doing our best to maintain our sanity through the process. Thanks, stranger.

It's beyond shocking isn't it. I can relate🙏❤️

😂😂😂😂. What a piece of art.

😢😢💔💔 POS. MY egg donor would do similar voice mails!! Passive aggressive, guilting, flipping out etc. I went no contact in 2021. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner. I think it's even worse when a mother goes no contact with a child they brought into this world!!! That's a really freaking weird ass s***. But at least you can rest assured the problem is definitely her!!!!💔

I told my sister that I want her to talk to me respectfully and to stop mocking me or talk behind my back or else I prefer no contact at all. She hung up on me. Since then, we have not spoken again. She can't even blame me for that.

Even Better !!!!

I didn't get much of a reaction either. I was blamed for me setting a boundary and her betraying me. She betrayed me for the last freaking time. She even sent me a letter to yours later begging me to go to counseling session with her and the whole letter was just about her her her her her her her her her. And what she wants never even acknowledging the fact that I went no contact and that we had not spoken for 2 years. I have since moved change my phone number and she has no clue where I am. I will continue to keep it that way!! I was a burden to her. She had three children she acts like she has one two of us do not speak to her anymore my older brother and myself my younger sibling and her have a very codependent toxic relationship. It's really disgusting

I needed accountability not even apology. Cause the abuse was and is denied still. Good for us that we are healing ❤️‍🩹

Same here

@@Tutume1111I’m not even sure if that was a typo, cause it works either way

Well put!!

Bravo! Well said!

Wow! I needed to hear that quote, it's perfect. I tried for decades to fix things too-- they don't change.

@ashleypg1708 They don't. I tried desperately. I think the worst part for me is that eventually, my mother completely poisoned my father once they were retired and spent all their time together. I always had issues with my mom, but my father had always been the rational one. He REALLY has changed in the past year or so, and it was the most painful thing to cut contact with him.

You are not alone, you are worth it!

Here’s a thought exercise. Think of a friend you knew growing up as a kid. Now make that person your parents kid instead of you. How would it go? How would your parent react to that kid? Do you think it would have really been any better? Would it have in fact been even worse? Would that kid be the same as you know then today? I doubt it!

It is as if we are buying their love by doing anything to please them.

This was my dad. He absolutely destroyed our mental health as children because we were terrified of our only caregiver. Mom took off. Turns out he was a narc!

~It shouldn't be used PERIOD. Young children need LOVE AND GUIDANCE, not Bullies.

​ @kateashby3066 This happened to a girl(classmate) I knew. Mother left, FAther was awarded full custody because "Mother abandoned the kids at home." Meanwhile I was told he was a mentally abusive narc who abused the wife to the point she left(she also got the wild/hyper ADHD son, as it seemed the father probably didn't want ot put up with him, and ended up just living with his 4 daughters[weird huh]}?). Narc dad ended up lying about a family friend saying family-friend grape soda'd his daughter, Narc-Dad manipulated ALL 5 kids into believing it was grape soda, and it was a big mess... I learned about this after the eldest(my classmate), told me that the guy was a grape sodaist after I told her I was going to his home with my parents for a New Years Party, because I thought they were close(WERE!)... I was so damn confused when she said that to me... I couldn't believe it... ~I was so surprised she said that. The entire thing was so confusing, because when i asked her about it she mentioned he touched her little sister, but when I asked her details of the situation (not `what happened to her, just details about the story to make sense of wtf I was hearing), she really couldn't tell me anything, was dodging the situation, and just ended with "It's my sister you have to believe me," or "how could you believe this didn't happen to my sister," type nonsense. `so I was confused. I also wasn't(still have issues) very perceptive to things due to all the narc abuse, I'm sure others get the same feeling of not being very "Socially" aware and having "Situational" awareness, since I was mostly ruminating about things in my life and never really could think much about things and have the knowledge to get things as I do now, even though I still am learning.` ------------------------ Then I confronted him about it(I believe that night), when we were alone in his basement playroom`(kind of fking stupid to do that alone if you think about it, but yeah, I trusted him). I just asked him randomly, because I couldn't believe it. He was a good dude. I couldn't imagine being a grown man having a 13 year old kid wondering why his friend/classmate called me a grape sodaist and having to explain it. He told me the story about the lawsuit and his wife defending the narc-dad's wife and how he didn't want to side against his wife to defend narc-dad, which was really stupid that his wife even got involved in the first place, but he said his wife sided with abused-wife, because she knew how she was abused, which was also most likely a strike because good-friend's wife going against narc-dad wasn't good, and then good-friend not being on narc-dad's sad was even worse. In the end he told me about how much he loved those kids, and just how horrible it all was, but nothing was found to be at fault, and they found the child to be lying. The kid was like 3-5 years old btw. Something very young. His own daughter was that young at the time I Believe too, so it was even worse for him I bet. So the revenge? Narc-Dad blames good-dad for grape-soda allegatations. We were close to him and his daughter went to school with us (very small private school).` So very sad all around though. It makes me wonder if HE(Narc-Dad) ever touched his daughters because of the weird allegation as well as` not living with the son and only the 4 daughters. I assumed it was because he was a wild kid, but who knows.` ```````````````````````````````````````````````` The worst part, was this family friend would take care of all the kids constantly while the father was busy being a useless father. He treated those kids like they were his own. He said he would take care of them all day, all the time. It was so fking sad to hear.... and now it's just crazy to think about. So the kids lost a mother, lost the second family they had, and had to break it all because the selfish father gaslit and brainwashed them into believing something that was a lie.` Everyone gets destroyed all because of selfish abusive dad.` Even afterwards, he said he would never hurt those girls, he said he still loves them and it hurts him so much. He said even if they physically attacked him, he wouldn't stop it. I said I would get in the middle of it, and he said "No, I would let them do whatever they had to do," and I Believe he added something along the affect of "just so they don't have to be sad, and to let all the pain out." This man cared more about these kids than their own father. It's just sad he only had 1 child(a daughter) and I'm assuming she might have been an accident (another family we were both friendly with had a daughter as an accident, both of the men were very childish, so I don't think they actually wanted kids, as they were kids themselves. I would hang out with both of them and their families. They would take me to the waterpark with them and we had a great time. I miss those times).

​@@AlvinKazu Did anyone ever look for that woman?!😳

Dogs do not benefit from such behavior from humans. They are sensitive and intelligent as humans are. In my childhood home animals were subjected to profound abuse (as I was) and it’s my worst memory. No living thing is helped by a caregiver being a tyrant.

Thank you for sharing. It helps. I wish this was my life story. Perhaps it can still be...

@@HomeFromFarAway Believe me, your parents will die in peace🙂, without your condemnation.

are... are you ME?? This sounds identical to my situation. For me, the anger seems to stick. It's like knowing a criminal escapes punishment forever, _and_ has surrounded themselves by people who defend them. Poor, poor Ted Bundy; he's just so misunderstood. I know this is a me-problem. It's just hard to get past. It's hard to just drop a parent from your mind. Power on. Much love, friend.

@@mikeburr3441 The thing is, it's different than that. Because they are now in prison... a prison they cannot escape, the prison of not being able to get your supply again. It's like saying Ted Bundy was surrounded by flying-monkies and people who cared for him... all while locked up and couldn't do anything about his circumstance. Sure, you can find a new supply, but to them, you WERE the MAIN SUPPLY, and that will destroy them forever. You win/won... They lost. They just keep up the mask of "everything is okay," when deep down they are SEETHING in rage.

"Crickets" that's how I described it😂

This is what happened to me. You realize you were the only one who was interested in the relationship

Me too 😊 4yrs and not a peep from them 🤷‍♀️ I'm healing nicely 🎉

I know--just one acknowledgement and sincere apology would have meant the world, but it never came.

They will rarely admit anything. Many kids spend a lot of energy trying to provoke an abusive parent to admit their abuse, to take some responsibility. This is very understandable but useless. It won’t happen. Your best practice is to get past this and not care what they do or not do. A therapist can be very helpful with this. Take care.

Mine said, get over it. like yeah i'll just magically get over 30 years of CPTSD thanks mom

Do not have children.

My mom did that toi--alienated sister, brother, nephews, aunts, uncles and most cousins. She was evil.

@shadyladies....I feel your comment 💯. Same situation happened to me...for the most part, I have let it go, but the lack of response just supports that uneasy feeling I had growing up that I was barely tolerated and not really loved...that hurts. 😢

@@joannepingtella8002I couldn’t have described it better myself- it’s like they were passive-aggressively tolerating my presence and treating me like an outcast when I was with them, yet my mother was very angry if I didn’t still show up, as well as call three times a week. And when over a period of years I tried to communicate about my feelings, I was dismissed every time and told it was all in my head. It’s coming up on six weeks of not calling my mom and it’s radio silence from absolutely everyone. My mother never called me to begin with anyway (that was “my job”). Same for my sister and her two adult children but I’d get a text occasionally; now though it feels like a united front against me. Ironically, I personally feel a lot better not being put down and made to feel lesser than all the time. I just wish they could forget my existence because it bothers me to know they’re not far away badmouthing me and blaming ME for everything…

​@@joannepingtella8002Same here. Just remember: They have the problem, not you. Stay strong 💪🏼

30 years no contact, I made one phone call and realized that nothing had changed. Over 7 years no contact since then. It’s been easier now than before to accept that whatever that was, it’s not love and I don’t need to chase it.

Are you happy?

Damn, I should do this too.

I know they appreciate your absence in their lives🙂.

I Believe that works great for some! And for some the PEA E OF MIND OF ZERO SUPERSEDES EVERYTHING !! NO MATTER WHAT - it's YOUR Heart and TOUR peace of mind! YOU KNOW YOU !!!!!! EXCELKENT COMMENT - THANK YOU !❤

Most people should move away from home if they’re parents are not bad enough to go no contact but not pleasant enough to live in the same town or state so you move and see them once a year on holidays and send some flowers on her birthday

When they realize that they can not control you, they try to control how others see you (re why she dropped the guilt trips and talk of how awful you are). This is triangulation (textbook NPD stuff) meant to try to turn 3rd parties against you, and also serves to provide the "poor little me!" (perpetual victimhood) external validation that they absolutely depend on.

@@BAsed_AFro Yeah. That checks.

They will until their last breath.

I'm quite sure my mother still invests plenty of time and energy into convincing those around her what a terrible person I am. She did it when I went NC 15 years ago and the fantasy is so necessary, the ego so fragile, I'm convinced she's likely still doing it today. The greatest gift I ever gave myself was removing that toxicity from my life.

@saragates2255 Couldn't agree more with this. I just don't care who she talks shit to. She knows nothing of my life, and the people she gets validation from don't know/affect me. I see it as a win-win.

My mum said the same thing to me. I had to remind her that her own mother (aka my grandmother) is still alive today. She's 80+ yrs old and my mum is near 70.😅

Are you kidding me!?!?? This is so incredibly selfish and heartless. I'm so sorry to hear this is how they reacted

My mom is like that as well. Her feelings are always important and her need for assurance and being pitied come first. Someone else having feelings and problems? Rude, that's worrying her! She won't be able to sleep because she is so worried! I never even told her so many things like getting hit by a tram or going to therapy. I think I'm almost there to cut contact once and for all.

Beautifully written, I hope you are doing ok ❤

my mom would send *absurd* gifts to my son: a ride-on elephant bigger than he was, a fucking rocking chair that took up an enormous amount of space but was too small for him to actually sit in…like that. she never asked if we wanted it, if our small house could hold it, nothing. my kid didn’t even want these things. and then she’d be all guilt-trippy to try and make me do shit that was terrible for me.

It's such a typical thing, isn't it? Immediately reminded me of my mom.

Make sure you block them and anyone they know, from all social media and email and phone, etc.

Ah, the pity party. Yes.

Dude. My mom stalks me too it’s scary

@@RAHHicecream same. why do they do this?

@@SohviKI have no idea. They’re toxic af and narcissistic?

when every child goes no contact, that is when you start looking at the gonad donor(s)

Please protect your daughter's friend at all costs!! You want nothing to do with that situation and that she will have to figure it out on her own. People don't go no contact for no reason.

Praying won't help either of them

@@msdemeanour you’re wrong. I’ve seen prayer change lives. But I know that for a lot of people their prayers go “unanswered” but I think it’s because they ask for the wrong things. Not because of selfishness but because they don’t have a relationship with God do they don’t know what to ask for. God gives us the desires of our hearts and He loves us. So sometimes we ask for a smaller thing to happen than the more important thing to happen. 🙏🏻❤️I pray for you too my friend. Hearts are broken everyday by broken people who need healing. God can heal those hearts. Peace is waiting for you. Trust in Him.

Yikes!

There is a modicum of schadenfreude in the fact that she is more than likely continuing to steal from them. We can leave the demons to their devices, we don’t participate in those games anymore.

@@sookiebyun4260 they seem to mix these roles a lot…seems off

That's pretty much how it went for me when i went nc. To me, she would text a couple times asking me to please talk to her. I blocked her. But , to everyone else, she just acted like, well no big deal. I'm gonna live my life and carry on. So yes, that could have hurt me even the tiniest bit, except the fact that I was waaaaaaay past caring at all what she thought by then. So, no matter how good we are or how well we treat others, the narcissist will never change their way of thinking. Moving on has beenthe best thing I've ever done for myself❤ hugs to you

This is #2 in the list in the video

That's how it's gone for me. Shocked at how easily they turned away instead of reply to my respectful, albeit difficult because honest, letter.

Same here

Yeah, i was always a child of neglect, so it isnt all that shockin that they neglected me even when i went NC; but i wish it didnt hurt that they had no reaction

I sent my mother and sister a letter via a lawyer called a "cease and desist" It's one step away from a restraining order. now if they do any of that it becomes proof in support of the restraining order, should I choose to get one. Taking power back is profound

@@HomeFromFarAway That’s good! We’ve been looking at a no trespass order at least, but we have to use a private processor since she lives in another state.

Thank you! I somehow needed to hear this.

THATS what's UP!!!!!

I saw that.She now runs a paid group for desperate parents.$$$

I had to block her channel so it wouldn't come up in my suggested feed.

I’ve only see her in reaction videos by a mental health KZfaqr. OMG. She is almost a cartoon.

You write well. I think we are strong if we can treat ourselves and others the way we Wanna parent ourselfs 😂 now I feel like I've left a cult it's taking time. Hope u go see the new Mad Max film

Kinda poetic bc I think Furiosa the character would very much want you to throw off the chains of abuse. It’s her whole bag.

I know just how you feel. We cling to those little crumbs like golden nuggets.

Maybe you could enjoy the movie together. Maybe you could have a nice bonding moment together over it. But then what? Nothing else about him will change. You'll have let the beast back into your life and you'll be right back in the suffering. I've had good times with my dad too and they only make the bad times worse. Because i know what he could be like but chooses not to be.

Throw a Mad Max viewing party w friends. Next day have plans for all to meet at the theater for the new movie. Make it special and your own to enjoy. NO more what ifs that lead to disappointment.❤

Egos can be destructive

Trouble is…..they ARE basically a bad person. I mean for me there’s no one thing she can apologize for that would otherwise insinuate that she was a good person. “I’m sorry for threatening you with abandonment at every turn” Does this sound redeemable? I almost can’t blame her for going silent after no contact. There’s no defense.

So wise! 'Echo chamber' So good! Thank you !

The last time I'd gone to visit my mother, I accidentally leaked water from the shower onto the floor. I found myself panicked, drying the floor frantically in the hopes that she wouldn't see what I'd done. I was 44 and I felt like I did when I was 5. I was dry heaving by the time I was done; it was ridiculous. That incident cemented something I'd been aware of but unable to really put my finger on: our interactions left me feeling like a powerless child, afraid and scrambling to de-escalate the situation whether it was my responsibility/fault or not, because I was constantly afraid of how she'd react. Anyway, that water spill incident helped motivate me to get out of perpetual fear mode. It lead to a discussion/confrontation, a long cooling off period, a final attempt from me and then I went no contact. Sorry to flood your reply with my personal stuff but what you said resonated. I'm truly hoping you are able to find a way to best manage stress so that you can remain healthy. And now that you've recognized a positive difference when someone else is not in your life, best of luck to you moving beyond them and towards all the things & people who are best for you!!

@@frankcastle6159 What a thoughtful reply, thank you! Yes, I totally recognize that feeling of panic. Good for us growing in our lives!!

I thought I'd written your comment for a moment 😊 Glad you're doing well 💪✌️

Ha ha , my parent’s were both covert so I suffered on silence until I took something shamanistic a kind of purge , I then realised they were bad parent’s ! I don’t do round taking drugs in general never had really, anyway that refused to talk to me , even the most simple questions. I was actually shocked they didn’t even want to talk to me and carried on with the Gas lighting . They told everyone I Hurd that I had taken drugs and gun mad ! Only one thing happens, a frend of my dads that Hurd I had been suffering came round to see me to check if I was ok . He said to me “ you seem better than ever “ and he also explained that he new what my dad was like and that I have done the right thing . My hole family disowned me which has also helped as they just made it worse . Now my family I have for myself and my relationship with my wife is better than ever . Took 4 years to get it all sorted and purge my lost childhood , I am grateful now for it all as I can help others when needed as I understand it all , Patrick and his Chanel helped a lot hear and there so I am grateful to him for his hard work. Hope all is good with you , and you have or are pushing through 🙏

So happy that you've survived and that you and your wife are thriving 🙏 Mine are covert aswell. What an absolute head eff it's been! Grateful now though, as healing is so much more than I could have imagined 😊🎉Best wishes to you 🙏✌️

You might end up worse than before. You need to find an alternate community if you are determined to not see your family again. At least one or two good friends.

You might need to move far enough away that they can't follow you.

Stay Strong. I hope the light and joy comes soon. I wish you ALL THE BLESSINGS ! There is Better for you out there ! Do what feels safest and best to You xo

Let me get this straight, they are trying to punish you by *checks notes* adhering to your wishes of no contact by pretending you’re dead? Sounds like a win to me.

I sent my mother and sister a letter via a lawyer called a "cease and desist" letter. It's one step away from a restraining order. now if they do any of that harrassing stuff, it becomes proof in support of the restraining order, should I choose to get one. Taking power back is profound

🤮

​@@simplyixia3683😁

The part about how they make you a worse person is definitely something I relate to. I just went NC on Friday and felt so ashamed at the anger I displayed to my husband when I saw her text to me. It’s crazy to think that a lot of the unexplainable anger, stress, and anxiety we feel is directly linked to our parents.

​@@junaaaykaaayor out-of-line pressure from any abuser! So true!

​@junaaaykaaay I see you. My spouse changes into another person when his Mom is a pill, especially if we're at her place (his childhood home). He's been doing greyrocking for decades and it usually works well for him, but she's getting worse and the bs sometimes wears on him. He's not inclined to do NC, but he's been better since I suggested he change the length, frequency, date, or location of visits and communication. I kinda understood how he felt, but I didn't fully understand why he was so abrupt with her until she tried some crazypants stuff with me that looked innocent to start, but...

Same except im only 1 year in 😢 he says decades.

​@@RAHHicecream I'm almost 25yrs in. It gets better! Trust! 🤍

👏👏

I hear you but the point is that they come for us HARDER, so this is about how to respond to that.

That’s how most of them are. My mother usually cuts anyone close out of her life. It’s just a moment of time before they get discarded. The reason she’s mad is because my sister and I cut her out before she could do it to us. If she cut us off she’d have no problem with it. But now she’s got to do major damage control and try to rework the entire narrative that she’s the best mother ever. Spoiler: it ain’t working very well 😂 Anyways I’m sorry to hear that. Just know that the problem is with them and you’re better off 🤗

@@billyb4790 Yes, being scapegoated made me think it was me, but I've since learned she's apparently generally miserable with everyone. Thanks for the sympathy, and I'm sorry you got a dud mom too. Best wishes!

That's so unfair

Her “marking time til the end of a prison sentence”- yep that’s my mom too. It does feel odd when they don’t have a reaction. Except when you look at their lifetime track record. Stay strong. And enjoy the new extra space in your life for non-toxic people. ❤

@@NancyPittman-lc3ey Thank you for the validation. < : - ) ❤

I hope you won’t put yourself through that again. I spent years trying to get my parents to a take responsibility. It was the biggest waste of my limited energy in my entire life. Even on his death bed my father denied all responsibility. I wished I had never come to the death bed for all sorts of reasons. I wouldn’t be allowed to say here what he did to me. And my mother was far worse.

My Christian mother blames all of my “issues” on a Buddha ornament in the yard of the house I’m renting instead of taking any form of accountability.

She does not have the mental and emotional capacity to grasp what you are trying to do. And, like 99.99% of parents, she did not intentionally hurt you. I know it does not feel that way. You were trying to make her see or acknowledge all the harm she did to you. You wanted to have your day in court. Won't ever happen. Only thing you can do is heal and then be a source of mercy to your parents. That is the only thing that will bring you peace.

@@Chibi_SashiI’m speechless 😮

@@sanashams7836 For some people that may be the case. I have been a source of mercy for my parents for a while. It doesn't matter. They are not changing even when I'm being gentle and telling them how I want to be treated. They are never taking responsebility. And it's not helping me heal, it's just producing new wounds that I don't retaliate for because I'm not an abuser myself. At this point, I'm stopping, forever. No one is responsible to handle their parents just because they are the parents. They had their chance, they blew it.

My mother got hit with stage 4 cancer 20 years ago and her mother showed up and said she didn't eat enough veggies and that's why she got cancer (as well as critiquing her looks and hairy arms while bed ridden. Awful woman). The fact that terminal brain cancer isn't enough to get your mother to change her tune only further shows me just how futile it is to hope these people will change in response to the reality of the given situation. My mom has unfortunately turned out much like my grandmother because she's always been afraid of cutting her off and felt responsible towards her. The fact that you can be handed such a fate and still choose to make this difficult but right decision for yourself speaks greatly to your strength and belief in doing right by yourself and others. I hope you make the best of the time you have and continue to be a beacon of strength to those around you. Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤

Stay strong and I hope this video and many comments help you feel supported, and not alone with your pain and decision.

I sent my mother and sister a letter via a lawyer called a "cease and desist" It's one step away from a restraining order. now if they do any of that it becomes proof in support of the restraining order, should I choose to get one. Taking power back is profound

I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive her and find peace. Wish you all the best.

Dude, are we the same people from parallel universes? Except I never confronted them on the CSA. Because I know I physically can't take it. You were so brave.

Yes, having to edit yourself and compromise who your truly are at your core is no picnic. I’m sorry you had to go through that and I hope you are ok. X 😊

Same

@@Smartbeautifulawesome 💔

So incredible to just CHUCK EM IN THE DUCK-IT BUCKET !!!!!!!

I can guarantee you she's thinking about you right now.. but her pride won't let her call

I haven't seen any such comments but this is how far t have read

You called it! Bingo! 😂 💯 %!!!

I’m in the same boat. I had to move from my stalking mother…. It’s been 3 months and they haven’t shown up yet… I plan to move 1,000 miles away next year. There will still be public records though :( im afraid of her

PFA

I understand your position. It’s very hard.

Same :( she is no longer a safe person for me. I imagine if I came back around and went to family gatherings, she would poison my food in revenge for the cutoff. I will never contact her again. This is all because of her insane reaction to the space.

Protection From Abuse/Restraining order

I’m 44 now. Sep 2022 I had to buy a house due to increasing rental costs (the rental I was in was sold and new owner increased), after many offers and becoming desperate I stumbled across this house (it wasn’t on the market). I hadn’t planned on buying in this town but my son was starting an apprenticeship and wanted to stay. I didn’t tell anyone but as we got closer to hand over date my sister came to visit and I thought Id take her for a drive by, which turned into a walk through because the owners were home. As soon as mum found out she demanded I take her, I said I’d see as the owners are busy and packing. My mother got the address (I’m guessing my sister gave it to her as it still was not listed) and turned up - the owners weren’t home but she still walked around - walk around a strangers yard. After I moved in she kept turning up unannounced and I found out that she’d been coming over when I’m not home - no text or anything to say they’d been over. I put cameras up. She kept turning up unannounced, uninvited. Prior to moving I was already trying for minimal contact. I ended up yelling I was so fed up with it - I’ve had many polite conversations and texts saying I don’t like people turning up uninvited.this enabled further reducing contact - no contact since Xmas. Last week I was leaving the house, when I got to the end of the block I realised I hadn’t turned the backyard and carport cameras on, so I pulled over - when I finished and looked up, here’s mum and her husband driving down my street. Makes me wonder how many times a week or day they do that. It’s bizarre.

​@@StephieGsrEvolution I did this!! it genuinely helps. I sent a "cease and desist" letter via a lawyer, detailing the harassment and abuses. so now if they do any of that I have proof to apply for the restraining order

​@@RAHHicecreamsome people really ARE THAT ef fl 16:36 ing Crazy. BE SAFE.

You’re spot on! I was originally distancing so I could work through the past trauma (mostly childhood) but there was so much going on in real time that confirmed my theories on the family, dynamics etc and trying to create some space was not respected, along with doing research and f/t study and being constantly interrupted, that felt like deliberate efforts to sabotage my study. All of their behaviour got increasingly worse to overt abuse, yelling, name-calling, stalking etc - I can only imagine the smear campaign because I’ve seen them do this my whole life with others. My sister has been the biggest surprise, the most unsafe, abusive and realising that’s always been the case, I was just so subjugated and the family was worse than I’d originally thought - I thought it was simply their psycho alcoholic violent ex partners but they were merely temporary scapegoats acting as distractions and I believe were actually doing their bidding. Our father was diagnosed and died thru this - his abuse got worse that I didn’t speak to him in those final months. Their reactions (which is increased abuse tactics) require more boundaries, now I’m no contact - although I haven’t blocked anyone, I just refuse to respond.

the ongoing harassment mostly ended when I sent my mother and sister a letter via a lawyer called a "cease and desist" It's one step away from a restraining order. now if they do any of that it becomes proof in support of the restraining order, should I choose to get one. Taking power back is profound

I'm soo grateful my life partner is the opposite. He never should me and recognizes sickening abuse and is so appalled that there not only is no remorse there is no admitting and there is Huge rewriting of history with the abuse partners Always the superstars and the kids bad disappointing worthless loser jerks. His position is with no truth all lies, what relationship IS there? NO Right to Anything when that bs is what you are committed to offering !

Lol I put my mom in time out too 😂 we agreed on 30 days to give me space and reset and the NEXT MORNING she messaged me lol terrible. Her messages were filled with more and more rage and manipulation as the days went by and I realized at the 30 day mark that there was no reason to return to that toxic situation. Blocked it is.

@@junaaaykaaay i’m so sorry. That sounds awful. My mother just texted me a couple times to tell me she missed me. She’s far more passive-aggressive than your mother, I would guess based on our relative scenarios.

Insanity right. same here. It’s stressful. If you cut off from anyone else and they act like that people will think they’re crazy. But when it’s your parent they think you’re just mean wtf.

PFA needed

Thanks to the harrassment, I sent my mother and sister a letter via a lawyer called a "cease and desist". It's one step away from a restraining order. now if they do any of that it becomes proof in support of the restraining order, should I choose to get one. Taking power back is profound

​@@RAHHicecreamyep you ha e to TRUST truth YRUST yourself and LET GO any need to be liked or approved of by people who are wrong and out of line themselves to judge YOU by the unreliable creepy sneaky smear campaign narration of a toxic abuser.

Wow! 1999 for me! So true how helpful and validating these are! ❤️‍🩹

It doesn’t resemble stalking. IT IS STALKING

That’s crazy Marylou, but I felt the same way! I thought NC sounded so extreme and out of character for me especially since two of my siblings have already done the same and I was able to see my parent’s reaction blaming them. It was even harder since I’m the golden child and have always been my mom’s emotional support. I feel the same way, thanks for posting your comment. It was extreme until it wasn’t and I had to make a firm decision for me not to spiral.

Chilling.

I’ve moved to another place in the same city, it’s been 3 months and she hasn’t shown up cause she doesn’t know where I live. But this year im saving my money to move 1,000 miles away so I don’t have to worry about her showing up ever again. But also bc I’ve been in my hometown my whole life and it’s time for me to move and grow and create my own identity

My MIL is similar- except she hasn’t shown up out of the blue YET If she ever does the cops will be called. She wants me dead so I have zero tolerance for her shenanigans

I see you and hear you. I used to have nightmares about this thing happening. I was lucky I could quit my job and move out when the family was out of town, so they had no idea where I was living and working when they came back. I still have HR keep my name off the company directory and refuse to update my LinkedIn until *after* I’m done working at a company. Write down every time she attempts contact. Document everything. If you write to her to tell her she has to back off, keep a copy for yourself, and make note of the date you sent it. If you keep documenting and taking history, you will have a case and evidence to bring to police if it persists and/or get worse. I hope you get the support you need so you can escape her gaze. I hope you are free one day. ❤

@@simplyixia3683thank you so much. I have heavily documented every contact she has made the past year and also contacted police each time. They don’t do anything yet. My worry is that she will show up at my job this year since she doesn’t know where I live. I only plan to work there 1 more year but hopefully she doesn’t make it hell for me. If so I will continue to document and do my best to get a restraining order

Yep! Same here. For three years. It's EXHAUSTING.

Good. Your children are better off whitout her. It seems to me that you dont rely understand why your husband mad tills discussion? It took my man a long, long time to really understand and accept my back story and it hurt me a lott. Lusten agin to your husband. And I think you will see way you don't want these people in your children's life's.

@@petronellaeiksson1699 It’s actually my father-in-law who is the narcissist. I my mother-in-law was a sweet loving person. She married my fil when her first husband died. So from age of 9, my husband experienced and witnessed this man’s physical and verbal abuse on everybody. Over the years she became his “flying monkey” delivering his petty messages criticizing us for not responding fast enough to a text or email, missing their anniversary by one day. They could be very generous, but we always paid dearly in having to thank Dad profusely and repeatedly. Anyway, it was my husband who said he, himself was going no contact, but he was not opposed to our kids maintaining contact. So that’s why I delivered the Mother’s Day card for his mom from the grandkids. I left the card at their door. I was surprised to receive the card mailed back unopened. My husband believes it was his Dad who couldn’t stand her getting attention and it showed up outside his control. I’m sorry for all you suffered growing up and that it took so long for your partner to see what you saying the whole time. Thank you for sticking up for my husband pov! This is his healing journey and I fully support him in this. And given they’ve made their decision about our kids very clear, it makes life a lot simpler.

They did you a favour in their own sick way. Now you can keep your kids safe from their manipulation.