We tend to find it hard to offer ourselves the same compassion as we offer to other people. For other people, we might offer warmth and kindness, but for ourselves it might just be frustration and irritation.
When we are able to recognise that we do offer compassion to others, imagery can be a really useful way of pinching a bit of what we save for other people, and using it for ourselves. Here’s how:
Putting a shape or a character to the different parts of yourself. For me, this shows up as:
The bit of me that gets anxious about things is “anxious ted.” He’s me in my teenage years with long hair and baggy jeans and he looks scared of everything.
There is also part of me that then gets a bit annoyed that I’m anxious and tries to tell me to “calm down.” That part is professor ted. He wears glasses, wears roll-neck jumpers, smokes a pipe (which blows bubbles) and reads big books.
He gets really frustrated that anxious ted isn’t being “logical” and it comes across as harsh and critical.
When I ask myself: the part of me that I use for other people (my kids or my clients for example), what shape or character would that have?
It’s dad ted (not father Ted). He just looks like me on a weekend. Jeans and a tshirt. And when anxious ted is kicking off I ask myself: “what would dad ted do here?”
He wouldn’t necessarily say anything. He would come in, stand with him, and put an arm around him. If he did say something it would be with warmth and kindness, not frustration or anger.
When we use imagery, it tends to be a bit more impactful than words. With images we get stronger feelings, we get the facial expression and tone of voice.
That makes it a little bit easier to pinch some of the compassion we usually save for everyone else, and use it for ourselves.