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@i_jamz9092 16 күн бұрын
Great advice. I can confirm this from experience.
@bob-pi5pm 18 күн бұрын
My son has recently gotten afraid of germs. He constantly uses hand gel, refuses to eat food if i touched it. He says he doesnt want to be scared but he just is, how can i help him?
@cbtted 13 күн бұрын
This is a big topic but the first things is normalising it. It can be difficult as a parent when you see your child suffering and that can lead us to trying to get them "out" of it. However, the first step really is helping them feel like their worries are understandable and reasonable. After that, it is trying to understand it a bit more. What is it about the germs? Is it about the idea of feeling dirty? Is it about the idea they might make him ill, or make him vomit? If we can understand what it is about, we have a better chance of tackling the right thing. Also, part of having your own understanding can be about understanding where that might have come from and made it worse recently. Has he come across someone being ill or in hospital recently? That kind of thing. If we can work out what might have triggered it, we have a chance of addressing that, too. Talking to them about it, helping them understand that getting ill is scary and it is reasonable to be afraid of it, but we can't avoid it completely. You can talk to them about when you do get bothered by germs (e.g. in a hospital) and when you might not, and how you cope with the uncertainty. It starts with working out what the fear is, then you can go from there.
@bob-pi5pm 13 күн бұрын
@cbtted thankyou for the tips! My wife was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, perhaps that triggered it? I will use your tips and help him through this. Thankyou, sir.
@user-re4wq9ou5u Ай бұрын
Sometimes when I success with eye contact people say you are staring like crazy or schizophrenic 😅
@martinmcgowan6121 2 ай бұрын
That is beautiful Ted. And so true. Hope you are feeling better also.
@cbtted 2 ай бұрын
Thanks Martin! Recovered for a week and now I have something else 🤣 - just par for the course with having kids I think!
@rabiyasharieff4257 3 ай бұрын
Weirdly it did 😆 and im going to study now
@DoctorRhys 3 ай бұрын
Love this! 👍
@cbtted 3 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@Aspen.is.random 4 ай бұрын
I have the FAST flordia assessment state test tomorrow and I’m SO NERVOUS like and if I don’t know the answer I can’t just guess CAUS ITS A ESSAY RIGHTING TEST
@nrchi 4 ай бұрын
useful clips and practical advice. hope your channel starts getting more traction, these are great parenting nuggets!
@cbtted 4 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this! I have more traction on Instagram and tiktok but I don’t anticipate getting much on KZfaq as I don’t think my format really works as well here. However, I will continue to put them here too because KZfaq is the only one that absolutely anyone can access. I appreciate your support!
@allanledner 4 ай бұрын
P r o m o s m
@Patchouli90s 4 ай бұрын
thank u
@ranc1977 4 ай бұрын
So much confusing messages here. Typical for CBT. So basically you are telling us that Rat race is amazing way of living your life, and that we must become corporate slaves who must be silent and pretend that mobbing does not exist while corporations are making money on our silence and obedience? You never had social anxiety at all - you were shy. Socially anxious people do not have friends - due to social anxiety. They do not go out because of social anxiety - which is result of Autism spectrum, trauma and toxic ambient of bullies. And you had horrible parents. If they cannot finance a 16 yo child - why did they decide to have children to begin with? To show off babies to neighbors?
@ranc1977 4 ай бұрын
"if you want to get rid of this" Is extremely psychologically damaging urge. If we decide to hate ourselves and then to discipline ourselves, by believing that we can scapegoat our autism neurodivergent brain, we will end up with toxic shame and more of social anxiety. This self consuming idea of self hatred due to desire to discipline ourselves into superpower full person is narcissism. - What we resist, persist. JUNG
@blackishsheep9156 2 ай бұрын
Why would it be wrong to see a flaw and try to discipline ourselves though? How would this bring more anxiety
@ranc1977 2 ай бұрын
@@blackishsheep9156 "Why would it be wrong to see a flaw and try to discipline ourselves though?" That is great question. And it has to be answered from the multiple levels and multiple dimensions. 1) When we seek perfection - this is called perfectionism. Perfectionism is mental illness. IT leads to constant rumination and building fake mask of superiority - narcissism. 2) People are human beings, not human doings. We are not machines. WE are not gods, we cannot be perfect. When we ashame our flaws - we are forcing ourselves to be god. That will not end well. Soon enough we will be intolerant of other people's mistakes - and then we will attack them or sever connections with other people because they are not gods. 3) When we define something as flaw - who's definitions is that to begin with? Who is the authority figure to label and stigmatize something as flaw. This way other people can easily control and manipulate us. We inside would have urge to be good and best in everything - and now toxic manipulative person can simply nitpick our mistakes and flaws every time - and we end up like animal in circus performing the circus tricks for our master. 4) Psychology tells us that once we are allowed to accept our dark shadow - our mistakes and flaws - that we will easily correct them, without drama and hysteria. On the other hand when we make drama and hysteria around mistakes - we will never be able to correct them because flaws and imperfections and mistakes are natural consequence of our learning and conditioning and ambient where we live in and lack of finances. IF we come from the place of disciplining ourselves - we are actually self abusing ourselves and self invalidating our circumstances and external factors like poverty - and instead we place all the blame on this world on our logic, will power and cowardice. This approach will end as up being mentally ill and neurotics who have deep toxic shame (deep self rejection and deep unaware self hatred).
@ranc1977 2 ай бұрын
@@blackishsheep9156 Second part. When we hate our flaws - we are actually hating ourselves. This means we have hidden toxic shame (inability to unconditionally accept ourselves). We end up pushing down parts of ourselves which we label as mistake, flaws and imperfections. Now we will cut off parts of ourselves that would allow us to be easy going, tolerant to other people not being perfect, childish parts of ourselves which would be needed when we handle other adults who are behaving like children in good or negative way, we will destroy our ability to have empathy with others who are struggling for whatever reasons in their lives. This way we will develop various pathological attachment styles with others - and end up with traces of anti-social personalities where we become predator or parasite - entity in life which only purpose is to perform circus tricks to get approval and validation from the others.
@ranc1977 2 ай бұрын
@@blackishsheep9156 Third part. All pathological political systems in human history are based on perfectionism. Fascism, Nazism, communism - they all have their own idea of perfection and perceive certain behavior and ideas as abnormality to destroy. So the question is - what is normal. What is flaw. What is imperfection. What is mistake. Because in many cases what someone labels as mistake and flaw is actually blessing in disguise. The best example is story of a farmer who sought to get rich by mining diamonds - and all he had in his life is a ranch with black rocks. He sold this ranch and relocated. And the next owner investigated those black rocks - an the new owner discovered that these black rocks were actually diamonds in rough. The old farmer did not see them as such, he saw them as mistake and burden - and he never realized that all he sought in his life was all the time in front of his nose , but he labeled it as flaws and mistakes to eradicate or get rid off.
@elpapahuevo7368 5 ай бұрын
The audio is really low
@i_jamz9092 5 ай бұрын
Keep going Ted, these are great
@cbtted 4 ай бұрын
Thank you I really appreciate it!
@ranc1977 5 ай бұрын
CBT is therapy of ableism - it is horrible therapy that ends up with mental illness - suppression denial and dissociation.
@i_jamz9092 5 ай бұрын
That’s great insight Ted. I hope more people get to see this.
@andrewlaw5118 6 ай бұрын
Love the videos! Is always helpful to have a bit of guidance as a parent.
@themanabroad7800 6 ай бұрын
This has been me for the last couple of months
@mackeyelife9243 6 ай бұрын
Stumbled upon this as my little one is absolutely petrified of germs and getting sick. But i wonder if this would apply to a 8 year old autistic girl?
@cbtted 6 ай бұрын
Hello there, thanks for the question. Yes I would say there is no reason why not. It is worth saying thought that sometimes with autism the sensory element of things can be part of it too, so for example having a really strong reaction to the feeling of dirty or greasy hands, that kind of thing. It might not be relevant, but in case that is useful to add in. I did also do a video on helping kids with a fear of death and dying, which might be worth checking out if it seems like that is the main theme of it for her.
@HamoTheUltimate 7 ай бұрын
you're wrong. "worth" is determined by how humans decide how important something is. If you look good, are attractive, are tall. people naturally give you more respect. but thats another discussion, i'll prove to you that looks changes your worth and value in a lot of scenarios. lets begin by agreeing that humans need food, water, shelter and utilities to survive. to get those things in the modern world you have to earn money. if you're born good looking, especially if you're VERY good looking, male or female regardless, you're instantly one of the most valuable people ALIVE you're wanted as an actor, the modeling industry wants you, people of the opposite and likely even the same gender want you as their partner, and people dont actually say "i want this person to be my romantic partner because he's handsome/pretty" . they are being affected by the halo effect, which is basically: if you look good, you're more likely to be percieved as a good person and the better you look the better your "personality" is. so now after you've made millions in the fashion industry, movie industry, commercial business, just for being BORN and EXISTING, not having to work hard or do any effort to earn those elite genetics, the majority of the world would love to have you as their BF/GF-wife/husband while normal people slave away their whole life with a thousand times more effort, just to get a fraction of the love and money that you get. so essentially you are much more valuable to the masses in every single aspect of your life just because you're an absolute unit and a genetic miracle, just because you were born. you cant convince an idiot that they could make it in any of those fields if they weren't good looking because reality will or have already slapped them in the face with the brutal truth that this is. not to mention that you are more likeable, not even consciously because people dont actively think he is attractive therefore i like his personality. its literally an automatic response in every humans brain to admire and respect someone for how they look. but because most humans never thought about it too much, never tried to think whats so good about said attractive person, they just decide that they like this guy because he's confident, outgoing and has a good personality. while if an ugly person had the exact same traits and said and did exactly, copy paste, of what the attractive person did, they would be perceived as annoying, creepy and nosey
@HamoTheUltimate 7 ай бұрын
you're also, statistically proven, more likely to be declared NOT guilty, more likely to be accepted for a job interview, WAY less likely to be rejected when asking someone out. all those things will improve your mental health and your physical health so much. so stop lying to people. if you dont respond to my comments, you agree with me and you agree that your video was worthless
@BarryDylan111 7 ай бұрын
needed to hear that, thanks man
@debralondon2402 8 ай бұрын
So sad
@samislam2746 10 ай бұрын
Your words are touching almost every dad's heart
@laila8091 11 ай бұрын
I've had this for 7 years is there a cure?
@Dark_WolfsTV Жыл бұрын
I 100% agree with you. If someone says they would do anything for you and then proceed to cheat on you then they don't deserve another chance
@ranc1977 Жыл бұрын
"Fear of judgement" "People bullied me" (past tense) So... why ableist CBT never actually explains what happens when we are ACTUALLY bullied right now? Why abuse is hidden away from information? Perhaps because white privilege entitled CBT is based on making us people pleasers and conformist to capitalism corruption system? "Self-focus" This is simply not true. Social anxiety is trauma, it stems from ACE and ACoA - and there is extreme focus on other people due to fear of potential repeated attack. That is why social anxiety is called social+anxiety. It is anxiety that comes from external factor: social, and it is not called self - anxiety. We are not afraid of our panic - we are afraid of abuse : hence traumatized fear of criticism and negative evaluation. Being microscopically zoomed onto other people , their tone of voice and face gesture. Rigid freezing pose - is that - it is Freeze trauma response. "They try to protect us" "Nobody attack me" So what happens when we are attacked? What then? "Practice focusing on people in front of you" Socially anxious persons are already focused on other people. What happens when other people are predators, toxic shamers, narcissists, covert narcissists, borderliners - and when they mask their aggression and attacks by blaming us for being "too sensitive". What then? "Loose posture, eye contact" This is surface level of social anxiety. Through ableist CBT you explain 0,5% of social anxiety. There is 99.5% of social anxiety that you never mention at all. Such as: Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics - struggles with maintaining interpersonal relationships - struggles with codependency - impulsive or dangerous behaviors - anxiety and hypervigilance - fear of abandonment - conflict avoidance/fear of conflict - constantly seeking approval - struggles with authority figures - poor communication - struggles with emotional regulation - poor self-esteem and self-image, or constantly feeling "different" Symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (when criticism hurts) - Being easily embarrassed - Heightened fear of failure - Unrealistically high expectations for self - Assuming people don't like you - Avoiding social settings - Perfectionistic tendencies Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one "right" way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits. What is neurodiversity? - Harvard Health Neurotypical (NT) personality: - strong social and communication skills - navigates socially complex situations with ease - makes friends and establishes romantic one with ease - ability to participate in loud, crowded, or visually overwhelming settings with ease (verywellmind) "neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one or the only correct one" Watson believed that all fears and behaviors are learned. Watson wanted to prove that your fear and behavior is learned. Everything that humans do is learned. Little Albert Experiment We cannot get healthy if we're unprotected on a sick environment. If we try to be secure inside of these environments where insecure responses are actually the most adaptive. It is not random, our attachment strategies are intelligent and they have perfectly adapted us to the environments we had to navigate when we were very young. It's only when we have more choice they become maladaptive. 🟥 Heidi Priebe When people told me “Let it go, move on”, “Don't focus on the negative” is these were people who were pretty dissociated. Really strongly disconnected from dealing with the painful things that happened to them. I had to be under the authority of people who didn't really treat me well. The way I survived was by letting it go, trying to be positive, put on a happy face, be “normal”, not talk about painful stuff, not grieve. 🟥 Daniel Mackler This was perfect strategy for you when you were young, if you are growing up in a home where emotional openness, intimacy and authenticity were repeatedly rejected by your caregivers, the smart, the most adaptive thing to do is to learn to inhibit what you truly feel. And to exaggerate things that you don't truly feel in order to get your things met. Babies cannot be manipulative, don't have capacity to be manipulative. 🟥 Heidi Priebe If we could somehow end child abuse and neglect, the eight hundred pages of DSM (and the need for the easier explanations such as DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis) would be shrunk to a pamphlet in two generations. 🟦 John Briere Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. WILLIAM GLASSER Controlling Habits: Blaming Criticizing Complaining Nagging Rewarding To Control Threatening Punishing William Glasser William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits: Listening Supporting Encouraging Negotiating Respecting Accepting Trusting They see us as timid, shy, weak, or unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others then by ourselves. The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine N. Aron Learning to see our trait as a neutral thing-useful in some situations, not in others-but our culture definitely does not see it, or any trait, as neutral. Be careful about accepting labels for yourself such as "inhibited", "introverted", "shy" The Highly Sensitive Person,E. Aron You're being raised in a home that's going to make you hyper vigilant. You'll notice what everyone else is thinking or feeling. You're going to be super sensitive to changes in people's moods or facial expressions, and you'll startle easily. - Where I am getting this from? - Well your father has a bad temper and he erupts out of nowhere. Sometimes when you're just playing or relaxing in your room, he just starts screaming at you. We (mother and father) fight a lot and don't really ask about how it's impacting you. Or we don't talk to you about the fights at all or why they happen. So your nervous system is developing on high alert and your amygdala, the part of your brain that senses threats and danger is overactive. Difficulty of relaxing or just playing. And when you're older you'll have the same difficulty in social situations. Often labeled as social anxiety disorder, this can actually be a symptom of C-PTSD. You'll feel awkward and worried you're saying or doing something wrong. Basically your internal threat system is off because you're being raised in an unsafe environment. Dr. Nicole LePera, TWITTER Otto F. Kernberg suggested that narcissistic disorders of character are foundation of most mental health problems. If we understand disturbances in narcissism we would probably find a theory of everything YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER: DSM defined 'mental disorder' as a 'dysfunction in the person' - as if suffering stems from a faulty self. This of course is pure ideology, with no objective evidence to support it - an ideology erasing any notion that our suffering may have meaning or something vital to teach. Defend Survivors, TWITTER: Survivors don’t need anyone else telling them what the ‘should do’ or ‘have to do’ to heal. The last thing they need is someone else trying to control them again. Survivors need to know they are in control and that they are the experts in their experience and healing. Defend Survivors, TWITTER: There are so many “positive” messages that are aimed to inspire and help survivors. But when you really listen to these messages, they often guilt or blame survivors for either how they responded to the abuse, or for how they are healing now. Make sure the messages you share with survivors are honoring and respecting them, their courage, and their choices. Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER: If you sit down with people and have an honest conversation about their emotional lives most people will report some difficulty. It's only in the modern mental health system where this can turn into mental illness & easily into a drug prescription. It's a scam.
@lucilaloken7218 Жыл бұрын
Promo'SM 💃
@ej-bq6vu Жыл бұрын
As a CYP CBT trainee, thankyou for this! So helpful :)
@martinmcgowan6121 Жыл бұрын
Trying to do a minions drop the Mike gif, but it won't let me.
@martinmcgowan6121 Жыл бұрын
Outstandingly well explained Ted. ❤
@carolannuk292 Жыл бұрын
That is me!!!! I think I will go around the house and make all my pictures wonky..... And leave them. Thank you. It's awesome. 😁😅
@cbtted Жыл бұрын
This is a superb mental image for me, so thank you!
@grace_koh Жыл бұрын
This is so true. I used to be anxious all the time, and so I would distract myself and keep myself busy. I've started to notice and name my emotions, to just feel all my uncomfortable feelings. I'm now calm most of the time.
@martinmcgowan6121 Жыл бұрын
Love it Ted! 👍❤️☑️
@noxyglow2363 Жыл бұрын
😂😂😂The traffic light response made me laugh, so true for UK male drivers, zero patience
@martinmcgowan6121 Жыл бұрын
Genius
@thomasr2046 Жыл бұрын
'promosm'
@faigyliebermann4749 Жыл бұрын
Excellent tools. Thank you.
@faigyliebermann4749 Жыл бұрын
Excellent video. Thank you
@mctheobeymebunny190 Жыл бұрын
So true though 😭😭😂
@Turtler1095 Жыл бұрын
Good video
@DoctorRhys Жыл бұрын
Great analogy! Very helpful! :)
@martinmcgowan6121 Жыл бұрын
Ted is absolutely brilliant. He talks a lot of sense. ❤
@Mojavethreads 2 жыл бұрын
This is a great video!
@cbtted 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Jacqueline!
@marcburgess4192 2 жыл бұрын
😡 þrðmð§m
@FrankJames 2 жыл бұрын
hey Ted, thanks for this video. your words about grief are very helpful. keep up the videos!
@cbtted 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks Frank! Much appreciated and I am really glad it is useful.