How To Handle Conflict With Your Boss (Step by Step)

Рет қаралды 42,367

Күн бұрын

A lot of people agree that having a conflict with the boss is a career limiting move. What I've discovered is that it's possible to disagree with your boss and actually become more respected and more valued as a result. In this video, I'll show you how to speak truth to power in a way that will move things forward without putting you in jeopardy. Enjoy!
How to handle a toxic boss: www.lianedavey.com/how-to-han...
Disagree with your boss without getting fired: www.lianedavey.com/dont-get-f...
Chapters:
It’s okay to disagree with your boss - 00:00
You probably won’t get fired for speaking your mind - 00:50
1. Connect your point to the goals of your organization - 01:52
2. Stick to the facts - 02:27
3. Bring in the organization values - 03:13
4. Keep it civil - 03:42
Example: “Pierre’s Produce Problem” - 04:38
Disagreeing with your boss can be a good thing - 10:07
Three questions to ask yourself if you’re concerned - 12:55
How could you disagree and come out MORE respected? - 13:53
My book on using productive conflict to get your team and organization back on track:
www.lianedavey.com/goodfight/
About me:
I've never climbed Mount Everest (and never will). So far, I've never been in space. I don't even have an Olympic gold medal (although I did win the grade 9 Phys Ed award). But the prize for solving the most difficult team challenges is named after me (no, not really, but someday it probably will be).
For the past 25 years, I've researched and advised teams on how to achieve high performance. Known as the “teamwork doctor,” I've worked with teams from the frontlines to the boardroom, across a variety of industries, and around the globe from Boston to Bangkok. In working with hundreds of teams, including 26 Global Fortune 500 companies (and counting), I've developed a unique perspective on the challenges that teams face - and how to solve them.
www.lianedavey.com/about/
Connect with me:
/ lianedavey
www.lianedavey.com
#toxicboss #conflictmanagement #workplacestress

Пікірлер: 70

@johnb.8474 2 жыл бұрын

I love how bosses need to be spoken to like children.

@ruthnjoki138 2 жыл бұрын

I agree, why can't we all grown ups talk it out.

@timmy7201 2 жыл бұрын

@@ruthnjoki138 Probably because many managers act as spoiled children. The majority of bosses suffer from a bloated ego, remove the ego issue and almost all issues are solved.

@DrLianeDavey 2 жыл бұрын

@@ruthnjoki138 That's what we're working toward! The challenge is for the people who don't have options and don't feel powerful and still need a way to uphold their integrity with the work. I have so much empathy for those folks.

@Tom-zx8jx Жыл бұрын

Like children that have an AK-47 pointed at you...

@richarddavis748 Жыл бұрын

They rage like spoilt brats

@kaityladybaby 2 жыл бұрын

It’s so easy when you hear her discuss it… but applying to your own situation and not being emotional is toughhhhhh and I feel a skill that only comes with experience

@DrLianeDavey 2 жыл бұрын

I agree with you. I can make it sound easy and in practice it's going to be hard--especially the first few times. I encourage you to enlist support from a trusted colleague to help you talk it through and to have someone to talk with after.

@kaityladybaby 2 жыл бұрын

@@DrLianeDavey thank you! Since I commented that I have definitely been able to practice and it has gotten easier to set boundaries and stay more calm minded when discussing perspectives in a work place conflict. Thank you for the video!

@sissyrachedi6004 9 ай бұрын

Exactly, how can you not be emotional when someone touch your dignity really hard?????

@Jakobslander 2 ай бұрын

Another thing... about three or four years ago, a friend of mine, who is a director at the same firm I'm working at, received a cryptic email from HR asking all people managers to make a real effort to listen to their employees' concerns. Apparently, a few months prior, one of the old timers had an issue that his direct manager told him to "walk off." Well, the old timer had "pictures" and wrote a letter to the firm's clients to let them know of a particular audit when the firm negligently failed on its fiduciary duties. And now the SEC is so far up the company's rear end they've basically set up camp two floors above us. Moral of the story: Managers, listen to the employees.

@DrLianeDavey 2 ай бұрын

Agreed! My friend Stephen Shedletzky wrote a great book about it called Speak Up Culture. It starts with the story of the Boeing 737 Max 8 and what happens when you don't listen to employees. Your SEC example is another to add to a long list of cautionary tales about not listening to employees.

@mrrightorwrong6272 Жыл бұрын

Here is the key to handling your boss, BE YOUR OWN dont work for nobody but yourself...Anybody can do it just put your mind to it...

@DrLianeDavey Жыл бұрын

That was definitely the right answer for me and might be a good answer for many others as well. Self-employment isn't suitable for everyone and it's important to know how to manage uncomfortable situations with your boss if you're in that situation. It's even important to use these techniques when you're self-employed--they come in handy with customers, too.

@joannarogg6121 8 ай бұрын

It’s great that this manager is a good guy. What about the real tyrants who only want obedience and don’t want people questioning them or putting in any kind of input whatsoever?

@DrLianeDavey 8 ай бұрын

Hi Joanna, sounds like the videos I did on toxic bosses and how to know when to quite might be more appropriate in that situation.

@sadtiger2022 2 жыл бұрын

So if a boss gets emotional and calls you crazy...acting emotional, the right thing to do is stroke their ego and tell them their right??? I don't think so, that's people pleasing and cowering to his/hers bad behavior!! If they get overly emotional and it's going the wrong way fast, maybe say I'll think about that and come back later. Don't just bend over an agree because their childish.

@michaelcisneros9735 Жыл бұрын

Then you go to hr and get fired

@sadtiger2022 Жыл бұрын

@@michaelcisneros9735 Actually, my boss was fired. Stand up for yourself!

@davida6146 Жыл бұрын

My previous boss removed from her position and moved to non-management position. Turned out I wasn't the only person who noticed her poor management skills and personality. However, her replacement is also difficult since she's really quiet and will not follow our business rules.

@ShellyBomb 3 жыл бұрын

Liane: GREAT video ... just found your KZfaq channel --- needed it right now! 😊

@annekeruben3238 Жыл бұрын

It's demoralizing to be in this position in the first place. And then not to be emotional about it.. At the end of the day, it will be best to find another job.

@DrLianeDavey Жыл бұрын

I agree that it's difficult, and I certainly wouldn't say that you can't be emotional about it. Instead, I would encourage you to have a safe and trusted person with whom to share your emotions so that once you're talking to your manager, you've distilled your thoughts into something more objective. In many cases, learning to advocate for yourself with your boss can be effective, and you don't need to find another job. Of course, if the problem persists or if the conflict with your boss becomes unhealthy, it's important to protect yourself.

@afcaton1 25 күн бұрын

Hmmm, I understand leaving a back door, but when upper mgmt doesn't have your back or support you when following the guidelines & processes set forth by senior leadership, turning the other cheek isn't right.

@DrLianeDavey 25 күн бұрын

I agree that it's not ideal. In this case, I'm trying to provide a lower-risk option for people who don't feel they have the choice to take the high road in a way that might threaten their job. It's a crappy situation to be in, but this advice should help in the short-term.

@maryd8370 2 күн бұрын

Thanks for this content. Very helpful! I can't help but say that your haircut is cute!

@DrLianeDavey Күн бұрын

Thanks, Mary! I'm glad the content was useful. (And that you like the haircut)... you will have a good chuckle if you find the videos I recorded during Covid where I was a few months past due for a haircut.

@deez4evs Жыл бұрын

Nowwww when penny sees that her price may get changed at the perceived whim of pierre’s boss…. She has no incentive to diligently set the price bc she know’s it’s just gonna get changed. And what does Pierre tell Penny? “I spoke with Big Boss and he said it was bc blah blah blah” and leave it at that? There are so many implications of the big boss saying what they said… and i think Pierre could have continued to ask questions…

@traceydeanrainey 2 жыл бұрын

My female boss yells at me in front of others and I have a disability and other employees tell me she makes fun of me and has nothing nice to say about me.

@DrLianeDavey 2 жыл бұрын

There's absolutely no room for yelling at anyone in a workplace. Is there anyone in human resources that you trust that you could talk to about the situation? If so, go asking for their help and advice, rather than complaining. You could ask, "I need your help. My manager said x, y, and z to me and said it in a loud voice that I found intimidating. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I need to know how I should approach it." Asking for help makes you seem accountable while also tipping HR off to the fact that there might be a problem.

@marlenahawkins7098 Жыл бұрын

Report her

@Tom-zx8jx Жыл бұрын

I'd be really careful to bring up company values. If there is even the slightest implication the boss may be violating these - which in my exp 70-80% do - he will feel attacked at lash out - and remember in the workplace he has the AK-47 and you a pocket knife at best so you will loose. Besides on my experience values are expected guidelines for subordinates but senior management don't give it shit about values when these would limit them in round what they want In my experience very soon in case of conflict the only option is to leave as you most likely will not change your boss or their opinion. And leave soon - it gets soul and spirit crushing fast otherwise.in the meantime book more hours then you work and find ways to max the value u get. They try screwing u so u screw them... That's the way it works....(sad but true)

@DrLianeDavey Жыл бұрын

Tom, you make a good point. When I suggest that you refer to the values, I'm talking about holding yourself up to them, rather that holding the boss up to them. For example, if you're going to tell your boss something they won't be keen to hear, if you say, "I want to act with integrity" and be candid with you about my concerns. It's less risky if you're alluding to them in that context, but I take your point.

@ryanfrizzell736 Жыл бұрын

Now I can better handle conflict with my boss.

@DrLianeDavey Жыл бұрын

When you feel more comfortable disagreeing with your boss, you unlock so many possibilities for adding value and for being rewarded for the value you add.

@agnespalm7987 2 жыл бұрын

These videos would get high engagement on TikTok

@timmy7201 2 жыл бұрын

This sounds more as a survival guide to oppressive regimes, instead of corporate. I will always point out my bosses mistakes, issues or conflicts during a private conversation, out of respect. I will send a follow up mail in-case he/she ignores or forgets what I pointed out. My third reminder won't be private, but within our weekly team-meeting with everyone along. If he/she can't take that, they're not worthy to be a boss and I'm out to another job. Following the advice in this video sounds ridiculous to me, as it wastes massive amounts of time and money feeding some managers ego. A true leader is confident and can take some critique from their team-members, knowing that their mistakes make them human and not a bad manager. A true leader want's their team to work towards a common goal, wasting as little time with boot-licking as possible.

@DrLianeDavey 2 жыл бұрын

I agree with everything you said about what a good leader is and does. Unfortunately, many people are stuck working for people who aren't good leaders and aren't in a position to question or challenge them in a way that might trigger abuse or cause them to lose their jobs. In those cases, these techniques a effective ways to maintain integrity by pointing out the problematic issues (or differences of opinion) while minimizing the risk of negative repercussions.

@timmy7201 2 жыл бұрын

@@DrLianeDavey Well... My previous post may sound a bit uncivilized, my excuses for that. You're definitely right about people being stuck with bad leaders, as a developer it's sometimes easy to forget that not everyone can find another job in a week or two... I wrote my previous post partially out of frustration, as my previous boss threatened me for (repeatedly) stepping on his toes three weeks ago. Found another job and gave my resignation at the end of that week. My previous boss incompetence had been the blocking issue that made a 6 month long project drag on for over 2.5 years, I couldn't take it any longer and told him just that whilst being surrounded with other team-members. I tried telling him in private a couple of times, followed by reminding him through mail, he chose to ignore my previous warnings. Big respect for those who've to stick with a bad boss, I would go completely mental! Remember to never give up your search for a better workplace!

@DrLianeDavey 2 жыл бұрын

@@timmy7201 I'm so glad that you have the opportunity to move to a place (and a boss) that deserves you!

@Tom-zx8jx Жыл бұрын

Well it's basically the same isn't s it? And if you have been in the workforce for 15+ years at least for me there came a point of thinking - sure I can trade one asshole boss for another but at the latest after the next reorg I will have another asshole boss. As you seem to be a developer and in the us I'd try to make as much money as possible fast and invest to ever get into that kind of hellhole. Especially since taxes in USA are low and you really have a shot

@timmy7201 Жыл бұрын

@@Tom-zx8jx Well, that's basically true if you give up the search for a good workplace. My frustration towards my boss made me resign in Q1 of 2022. Started my new job immediately after my notice period. Ironically enough, my new job came with the worst boss and colleague I've ever had in my life. Both where immensely disrespectful towards others, me and the junior intern included. I kept working their for 6 months, mainly to mentor and motivate the student doing his internship. I resigned around Q4 2022, the day I was told that the intern succeeded and graduated. Got a new job three weeks later, never been so happy about a workplace till now. I saved a project from failure during my second month of employment, the CEO came to thank me personally for it. Colleagues have a good sense of humor as wel... The thing is, you can't just give up the search...

@Elenamiaka 3 жыл бұрын

I’m new to work (3 mos) in an environment totally opposite fr my previous job. I was recommended/referred by the VP who also happens to be a friend before I got in. Now, I’m feeling frustrated bec she would ask me to do work after my shift is ove just to make me stay longer until the time she leaves. I found out later on that she does that to me bec she fetches her nephew at around the time she leaves the ofc which is already late. And just wanted someone to stay behind to accompany her while she waits for her nephew. I can’t even file for an Overtime for all the stuff that she makes me does as it can be done the following day. I’m really frustrated at my situation. Its like I can’t say “No” bec I owe her why I got in the comp. Please Help!

@DrLianeDavey 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Ellen, it's certainly not your obligation to stay around to keep your boss company. I understand how it might be uncomfortable to broach the subject. I would encourage you to raise the issue politely, "I wanted to talk to you about my hours." Be very objective, "I have been staying until x time, which means I'm at the office for 10 hours each day. I'm feeling the wear and tear (or I'm getting home later than I want, or... ). I would like to talk with you about how I might get things done by 5 so that I'm only staying late in exceptional circumstances." You can make it clear that you're happy to stay when there's something important or an emergency, but that you aren't comfortable making it a habit. When you frame it as a problem to solve together (How might I get done at 5 more often) it's not an ultimatum and you're less likely to trigger an unpleasant reaction. Wishing you luck! Liane

@Elenamiaka 3 жыл бұрын

Hi @@DrLianeDavey thanks for the advise, I really appreciate it. I will try to discuss it with her politely 😊 regards too.

@lachi001 Жыл бұрын

I need to resign now. I may or may not have said highly emotional things to them today.

@DrLianeDavey Жыл бұрын

It's human to get emotional sometimes. You have options. If you said things that weren't true, apologize and give your boss some insights about why you got so upset. Apologize for the impact it had on them and share a plan (or ask for help) to ensure you don't get to that point again. If, on the other hand, what you said was true, but you said it too strongly or exaggeratedly, you can apologize for overstating the case and ask that you have a chance to address the underlying issue now that you're in a better spot. If every word you said was true and your boss isn't interested in your apology or in rectifying the situation, then you might be better off looking for somewhere else to work. It's not worth harming your health.

@LaineMaes 2 жыл бұрын

I am having such a hard time trying to reach my manager, she is docking 15 min off of my time cards for not showing up on time for work… which is fair but at the same time she doesn’t seem to do that to one of my other coworkers who doesn’t do any thing that they’re supposed to do. They will just simply not do their job and they are a half hour late to work every single day, and it seems like my manager just doesn’t care. I try so hard at my job and she’s not docking any of coworkers hours while he also takes extra long breaks. I want to bring this topic up to her and tell her how unfair it is but at the same time I don’t want to get fired. It’s like this other coworker is getting special treatment

@LaineMaes 2 жыл бұрын

Please help me

@adamlevy8971 2 жыл бұрын

It sounds as if she is being unfair in her punishments. While it's understandable that you would be upset by this, it seems as if her punishments towards you are legitimate - your boss's fault, then, seems to be that she is too lenient towards your coworkers. There are two ways you can deal with this. You can persuade her to be more strict on your coworkers - a move that could stir resentment towards you among your coworkers. Or, you can make a plan to show up on time and continue being the best worker that you can be. It doesn't solve your boss's unfairness, but as long as you are doing your job effectively, their unfairness won't affect you anymore - after all, showing up on time is part of the job. What happens to your coworker isn't your business.

@deez4evs Жыл бұрын

Are you able to adjust your work hours? To assist with your lateness?

@semperfi-1918 2 жыл бұрын

And i was dicliplined for.... something out of my control due to medical issue. Brought it up... and well they still punished me for " discipline " issue in which i already had talked with HR about. They even used a previous incident that was falsly accused and later found innocent. My boss has no interest in truth or justice. And i might be fired for it.

@DrLianeDavey 2 жыл бұрын

It's a terrible thing that inhumane bosses still exist, but they do. My advice is to start looking for other opportunities either outside of your organization, or maybe even outside your team. If you can start looking while you're still employed (and using the tactics in the video to buy time), it will hopefully be the least disruptive for your income, your career, and your life.

@ameydesai9000 21 күн бұрын

Not all r like piers boss... My boss starts shouting before even start talking. Even a working he makes an annoying face and says amey i dont have time... Or i dont want to talk about it ...even if he is free

@DrLianeDavey 19 күн бұрын

That’s terrible. No one deserves to work for a toxic boss who is angry without cause. I hope you get a new boss soon.

@tanachke 2 жыл бұрын

Why isn’t Penny addressing this? Why is Pierre doing it?

@bannisteryort5330 2 жыл бұрын

Try nursing 😩😩😩 and the non team players in management

@DrLianeDavey Жыл бұрын

Nursing is one of our most important professions and it's so demoralizing to know that nursing management isn't always what it should be. Remember, there's tremendous pressure on folks at all levels. Try to understand your manager's challenges and be clear and assertive about what you need to be able to do your job well. I hope these approaches will help you get the management you deserve!

@ssenjuti7770 7 ай бұрын

It’s impossible. Boss has more power

@lexz3257 2 жыл бұрын

Please don’t tell another story that requires you to say “prod-use” instead of produce. Otherwise really enjoying your video so far. I’m almost half way through. 💕

@USA-qm2bk 7 ай бұрын

“It’s incredibly weird to get fired” it’s not 🙃

@Jakobslander 2 ай бұрын

This is so odd, regardless of how you listen to it. You almost have to speak to these people like a slave from Roots. If tone or language is an issue to you, you ought not be in management. We need problem solvers, not easily-hurt people.

@DrLianeDavey 2 ай бұрын

I agree with you that we SHOULD have problem-solvers, not easily hurt people in management. Unfortunately, I get many requests from people for how to disagree with a boss who is easily hurt or offended. Viewers are especially concerned about how to raise an contentious issue to bosses that might feel threanted by it. So, while I agree that managers should welcome constructive disagreement, I'm responding for the folks who's managers don't.

@Jakobslander 2 ай бұрын

@DrLianeDavey I'm actually dealing with this issue right now. The team lead and the director act as though no feedback ought to go from the bottom up. No issues ought to be brought up and all of us ought to act like we work for this awesome group of managers who look out for out future and benefit. And they say this in public by the way. They literally believe it. So, last week, when I brought up issues I'm having with my team lead, the director friend's head did a 360º like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. She could not believe I would try to bring up an issue. So both, immediately and in unison, quickly mobilized to make the tone of my communication an issue. And, in their sick minds, since there's an issue with my tone, they don't have to talk about the underlying issues. By the way, I've shows my messages to different people and they deem the tone to be non-aggressive and informative. These are the infantile adults we have to report to.

@DrLianeDavey 2 ай бұрын

@@Jakobslander that sucks. Depending on how far you want to push it, you might say, "I apologize if my tone was off. I don't want to lose the content of my point, though. How can I get your coaching on how to address the issues I'm experiencing with my team lead?"