Thank you, this so summed my relationships up. My relationships have all been with people wbo have eventually hurt me either emotionally or physically. But not the next one!!!

After a lifetime of bad relationships I stopped asking myself why are these types of people attracted to me, instead I started asking myself why am I attracted to these type of people. It totally opened my eyes.

Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket.

So after many many years of my cab light being off because I was stuck in crappy relationships, I'm finally single and now it's interesting because I'M the one who is noticing when someone is unavailable emotionally and their cab light is off. These videos have helped me so much Anna, I really appreciate them.

Being alone is no different than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want you. I just wasted 4 years of my life on someone who is moving to another state and dropping me like dirt. My abandonment fears have surfaced and I'm now forced to confront my 'self' which I've been avoiding for years. I know better things are ahead, it's just difficult to stay strong while being so lonely

Make yourself into the kind of person that you would want to be with and are wanting.

When you said bad relationships, they wreck your sparkle and they squash your confidence, that really got to me, and also when you said you want someone who cares about themselves enough to hold out for a good person, someone bright and shiny and whole and available. That's what healthy people do - I love that !!!! Thankyou. 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

The foundation for real love is based on mutual respect. Respect can be damaged by bad or negative behavior and is very hard to repair

You are excellent‼ Your experiences has made you very knowledgeable. I often think survivors make the best teachers/healers.

I've accepted that I don't want to be with anyone at all. I am so much happier with myself. On my own terms. And given my past that has so much influence on my relationships- its shaped me to be perfectly fine with me myself and I. That's not to say that I avoid other humans altogether. I appreciate that time when it comes. But I certainly do not go around seeking companionship. I have found strength in my alone time. To me, that is where I thrive. I understand not everyone can do this, and that's why I call it a strength. 30 years from now I'll still be alone but will have 30 years of happiness having traveled the world, doing what I want, on my own terms. That is true solace. Remember isolation is a term created by society. I don't go by society's terms.

I have been alone almost 10 years. I have only been awake to my abuse for 5 years. I have been wondering at 52 will i ever meet one good man. I keep healing & hoping for a good one.

I'm happy alone.

I don’t seem to attract anyone who really wants to get to know me. It’s frustrating but I have to walk away when I know there is zero chance. Not having reciprocated relationships is really frustrating.

Unfortunately, many people never find true love. Or eventually we get to an age we don't find it again. I like the cab light analogy but I'm finding it more a situation of being out and about and not being shy about talking to people. This Covid situation makes it more difficult. Standards are important too. Once you get to know someone and you learn they have addiction issues, run. Seriously, run and don't look back. I feel someone needs to hear that. Don't worry about the analysis of why you attract these people- there's a lot of them out there, statistically at one time or another you will attract one. But do not accept it.

I feel like dating is for healthy people 😏 Rejection would trigger my abandonment - and intimacy issues so bad. And even if someone would find me desirable enough, I would avoid them when things got too 'close', because my trust-issues would set off. It's a never ending destructive cycle 🔥

I'm 57 yrs old and have given up searching for a partner; because every guy I've ever gotten with has been abusive in some form or fashion. I want a healthy companion, I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm tired.

My one marriage turned out to be marrying my father. I'm divorced and since then I've grown by leaps and bounds. I'm not sure I'll have a romantic relationship again, but I won't let that stop me from being happy and doing things I love.

Living alone is not a bad thing as long as you have a social circle and a healthy lifestyle. Nothing wrong being single.

I find the older I get the less I want to be alone. This is from a guy who is an introvert. I finally gave up on the internet dating, there are horribly damaged people out there, on both sides. I have thought for a long time there is a person inside you who is calling the shots, whether you're aware of it or not. That is who you have to change, its a very primal instinct, it goes back to the start of your life. Its like a part of you that can only be programmed once and somebody has already F'd it up.

While watching this video, I came to the realization that I'm still 'hiding.' Hiding, sometimes literally hiding or metaphorically not being seen, was the only way to be safe (mentally & emotionally) throughout my childhood and my marriage (which started to become physically unsafe toward the end). I've been divorced for 10 years now, have never been asked out on a date, and I see that's because I'm still 'hiding' on some level even though I've gone out to many events over the years with the potential and intention to meet a wonderful partner. I think I go places and no one sees me! (My light is off!) Now, I just have to figure out how to feel safe enough in myself or in my choices of who to be with to allow myself to be seen by others.

I choose to be alone and always will be. I can never trust again. I will never risk losing my soul again

I’m in a great relationship but one we have had to work on and I’m grateful for the growth we have achieved together. How ever I find my trauma shows up with me finding it hard to feel love - that’s numbness and protection. It’s so hard to feel love when your nervous system is stuck in fight and flight all the time. I have so much guilt around it 😭❤️

The word Sparkle came to me about a week ago. I have not Sparkled in a very long time. But you brought that word up and the Cab Light ..... so true, some of us don’t want to bring on that attention anymore, because it brings on another person or situation. I’m 62 and not interested in men much anymore. But I deserve the happiness to rise in me again and shine too

And sometimes you are cognitively aware of all the " red flags" but just like addiction and other self- destructive behaviours, you rush ahead anyway... There are deep pschological implications here- all related to CPTSD, like self- esteem, conditioning, self- prophesying behaviour, etc. Also narcissistic abusers hone in on people who are recovering from trauma, so this is very serious and complicated. Awareness, therapy, time and going slow are the key.

I'd be happy to find a fun, close friend. Doesn't have to be a man or boyfriend at this point. But I'm so tired all the time, inside I feel empty. I find it difficult to have the energy to be a good friend :) being around people wears me out!

I’m going through a break up right now with a very cruel man. This channel popped up in my recommended. I knew I needed help. Thank you for making these videos. I want to heal fast so my cab light will come back on.

When I met my husband so many years ago, I only saw the promise. On paper he looked good, but in reality, he was a liability. He's now an Ex, and married to someone else.

I feel a bit lost... At 61, I've not been interested in dating anyone. Yep! I've lost years, and am discouraged - Thanks for your videos! I'm grateful. ❣️

This is so dead on. At least I broke free from my abusive husband

my cab light is so broke i haven't dated anyone for going on 5 years now (it's absolutely terrible but i'm even slightly jealous of people in bad relationships because I think "hey at least someone wanted to date them, that never happens to me"). the only people i'm really into are those who are emotionally unavailable and have no interest in me. when someone gives a kind word I think, "what is wrong with this person? why are they being nice?" i'm only just realizing this year that I have struggled with cptsd my whole life and I feel like things will never change. i am sorry for being so negative, maybe someone relates to this at least. i just feel i could never be one of those "healthy" people with a working cablight, it will take so much work and idk if i can do it

Shine a cablight that attracts the right person for you: Define the type of person you really want to attract, take care of yourself, avoid isolation or bad relationships, strive to recover from addictions, anger, drama and conflict

It's a relief to not resent a former lover, but to appreciate them for showing us our darkest corners.

I am too traumatized to ever be able to trust anyone & trust myself. Interesting information nonetheless. It is helpful for people whom are healthier than I.

I’ve lived alone all my life because of this. Rarely in relationship

Still healing. I don’t know if I will ever be well “enough”. Just done. Done with all of it.

I just got out of a 4 year relationship about two weeks ago, it was very toxic and I'm honestly very sad about it. I do however feel very hopeful I will eventually find someone, after I heal, after I no longer feel anger, or any animosity towards my ex, after I no longer miss him or think about him all day, I know for a fact that person I have been praying for and dreaming about is going to come my way. So strange how things like this video pop up at the moments you need it the most. I have no other explanation but that's God giving guidance and lighting the way towards true healing and love.

"TRUE FRIENDSHIP" would be a good start with me or just friendship as I'm totally alone with my companion dog and tired to start all over at age 66. I've lost literally everyone I ever loved and have isolated myself so friendship would be a jolly good start. MANY people never find true love and some never find true friendship. I think this will break the resolve of many here and I believe that you can't find true love, love finds you and if you have your CAB LIGHT on I see that as wanting to have a good time and available, with respect. Love takes time and time I don't have so I'll settle for jolly good friendship so guidance on isolating AFTER trauma and abuse would be welcome. Happy Christmas to ALL here from the Lonely Heart's Club Band ❤️

pretty sure my parents smashed my cab light as soon as I came out

...find someone whose crazy is compatible with your crazy, and help each other heal.

I've just gone through a horrific divorce from a narcissist/psychopath (mirror image of my parents). When I met him I thought he was my soulmate, my one perfect partner that I had waited for. We married, had children, I was so happy even as the cracks appeared and it all went downhill to the point where I became suicidal and finally realised I had to leave this person to save myself from complete annihilation. Now even though I have healed so much, I have lost all faith in my ability to meet anyone even remotely normal who I find attractive and have them be attracted to me.

I don’t know if my English is good enough to describe how your videos make me feel at home, that someone is coaching me and her words are trustworthy, which is healing in itself. Thank you, Anna.

My whole life I assumed that the way a guy treated me was the was I deserved, so if he treated me bad then that meant I deserved it or he would have treated me better, that is a vicious cycle, it’s very hard to break that thought patterns or programming, I had to reset my narrative, I had to gain my power back, it’s still difficult not to fall back in that mindset believing my past relationships were a reflection on my worth!! Thank you for this video.

I have been alone for all of my adult life. I never was interested in finding someone, but the pandemic made me feel like it’d be nice to have a companion. I believe not having a father (parents divorced at 8) growing up led me to develop cptsd. My mum was always kind and amazing, but I always felt the void of having an absent father

Thank you, that helped me understand possible reasons why men I loved left me. My family of origin was high drama and, considering the amount of harm my covert NPD mother did to us over the decades, I am amazed my husband stayed with me these 30 years. We've been committed to each other and our children and doing our best for difficult relatives, but now learning about letting go of them and enjoying peace and harmony even with the grief of loss.

I feel like I'm going to be forever alone

Totally agree. Something to add though speaking as a 66 year old who is not looking for a relationship but is very happy. Contemporary mores i.e. sex because you are in love, sound great and maybe they are but for someone for CPTSD it is a disaster because knowing when someone is after you or sex is difficult for CPTSDs to clock. Secondly I had to reach the Honouring my Mother and Father even after they had passed away. My hatred of my parents was central in my picking bad partners. So I had to forgive them and fess up to how much grief I had given them to pay them back - passive agressively by being depressed and miserable. Oh yes that is a powerful weapon 'see what you did to me'. Finally I had to Love God with all my Heart and all my Mind and all my Soul. If you do not believe in good replace God with Life - because I hated Life and wanted to die all my life. So the 10 commandments actually are a good way of being happy. I used to snear at the ;Honour your Father and Mother; you can do this from a thousand miles away with a loving Christmas card and no contact. I finally did not speak to my mother for a year and did not respond to the flowers she sent me on my birthday. It resulted in a letter saying ;I am sorry I was not a good mother;. I was honouring her by letting her think about her behaviour and not letting myself being manipulated back in. In hindsight I would have sent a thank you note but nothing more. Honouring my father was no going back to the family home but seeing him in a restaurant. I was sure finally greeted well when I did go back to the family home. But praying for them is also a way of honouring them if your parents have passed away and laughing about the good times because there were good times in between the grief and they sent me to a religeous school which eventually saved my life. That gives them enough brownie points to be up there in heaven. Sex before marriage. No culture but the West endorses this. It is an emotional disaster because you are giving away a part of yourself. I instinctively knew this but the pressure was too great and I capitulated. Worst thing I ever did. Got a religion now and can say 'sorry no sex before marriage' I have an entire church to back me up. Not a chance of that boundary going. Last partner tried to con me out of my money. See what a terrible mess Feminism got us into. Now there needs new Feminism. I got educated, the vote and property because of feminism, but I got emotional grief and pain too. Some feminists are now saying why not be married and have your babies at University? Putting family on hold until your 30s is really leaving things very late. See Jordan Peterson on this one. It is not rocket science your fertility is falling off by 35 and quickly. Men do not have that problem. Your family ancestors had a lot of sense, try and blend it in with the best things about this age i.e. you can develop your talents. All cultures talk of the Middle Way in everthing. Women are not the same as men they are equal in different ways.

Marry yourself is the only way

Problem for me is, I live in an area where there are mostly BUMS and they will jump at anything that moves. Exhausting.

I am listening to this for the first time on 2/16/22. I just broke up on 2/13/22. Your introduction described EVERYTHING that has happened to me over the last 5 years with the man I just broke up with. To say the least, I’m amazed. The rest of what you said has also been the story of my life in relationships. Thank you 🙏 so much for what you do. It takes a wealth of courage & compassion for others. Be blessed❤️

You grow more beautiful from one video to another!

My cab light is off too. I left a 25 year marriage years ago, had a couple of relationships but since the pandemic none. I recently caught a cold and feel like hell. I have cystic fibrosis so it’s scary too. I’m alone but happy. I don’t have much time left, I’m 74 about to turn 75. Think I’ll join your group Anna. Thank you so much. I so get what you are teaching. Your critics are dumb. Don’t let them get under your skin. I send you fairy dust to ward them off!

Who are these healthy people you keep referring to? Such a foreign idea. Appealing but foreign.

This was some excellent content you absolutely nailed it with the broken cab light analogy and all the different things that cause it to not turn on.

Thank you so much for your calm, centered demeanor and amazing work. 💜

I swear I feel like everything you have said in this video you could’ve and probably would’ve said to me if you were my personal therapist. It’s incredible your wealth of knowledge

This is so good. Thank you 🙏

This video really helped me to get clarity about my situation. Thank you so much.

Thank you for brilliant insights and guidance around such a tricky subject, wrapped up so well and so articulately 🙏🏽👌🏽

Oh, dear! YES!! Working SO hard to turn that light on - no more hiding my beautiful light under a bushel basket 🥰❤️🤩

Every time I try, and feel like I get nowhere, with therapy your channel is exactly what I was looking for. Why do none of the other therapists know any of these things? I’m grateful for your channel. Thank you

I watch this video every couple of months. And I think i finally have a bright cab light . Yes!

I was meant to hear this right now. I’m currently, deeply working on myself. Sometimes it’s hard to see yourself but I find it necessary. Thank you

Hey Anna!! Tysm for sharing with us and using your gift to help others no matter what! I am one so glad I found you! You're helping so much

I cannot find a happy relationship. I'm almost 56. I give up. I will be single.

Hopefully coming out of it, thank you! Going through a divorce after a 27 year marriage to a high school sweetheart. I was so wrong and my red flag detector was off, years lost but radically devoted to healing and self care. *Ask Anna Anything* AAA that should be your name catch phrase !!!! Thank you for your good works!

You’re my new most favorite!! I’m just adoring each of your videos. Thank you Anna!

I love your kind explanations. Thank you for this insight.

Phenomenal video. Wonderful advices ! ...and those analogies... love it. Thank you Anna!

Thank you.

i am so glad i found ur chanel! you are so awesome i love how you don't make fun of the unrealistic things that people with CPTSD have instead ur tone is sympathizing with them n u r incredibly gentle. Thank you for the great videos. I am sure we all appreciate it

Anna, you have just told my life story, again,this time in romantic relationships.I have always chosen emotionally unavailable women and I think now watching so many of helpful yvideos, realizing my mother was emotionally and physically unavailable. Thank you so much, again.

Anna, I subscribed a few days ago, so I must be within the last hundred subscribers of your 150,000! May you climb up to 15 Million. I am not sure how I found your channel, but that day I needed that message that I heard. I did not even know childhood PTSD existed. Thank you for sharing your journey. I was skeptical at first, I will admit when I heard about the crappy childhood fairy ... but it grew on me, and I love your message, your site and your cab light. Cheers! Congrats on the 150K!

Needed this. Your spot on...

Thank you. This was so on-point for me.

I love this one. It makes so, so much sense. Thank you, Anna. Healing...

Some people think they're healthy when they're not & put down those who ask for healthy habits - totally present, free of past entanglements mostly healed or actively healing - & with people without addictions (alcohol, porn, drugs, gambling etc). Appreciate you, Anna! 🙏🏽💕

Wow...just wow... The cab light reference was perfect. For the past 9 months, I have been working on my cab light and I finally feel like I'm able to attract what I really want and need. This was so eye opening. Thank you for the work that you do!

When you talk, ma'am, i feel like you know me... thank you. Do you treat patients anywhere? Happy new year Everyone 🙏🏼❤

Love your channel ! Thank you for sharing your experience and giving so much helpful information!

Thank you for speaking to the heart.

Very helpful. Thank you so much

This is me too. I keep meaning to do your program, I need to do it. Tired of being alone, emotionally unavailable people.

This is ME! Thank you for your advice and being here❤️

I’m kinda ready to give up on the opposite sex and just live as a hermit

So glad I find your channel

Very important information!!! The cab light example is so good

Thank you, you were so spot on! I'll definitely be mindful and keep my cab light on

God bless you...you are doing a great job...Many of us who have CPTSD we always thought there may be something wrong with us...that's why we are like this....but we are good people,brilliant people,very lovable people we just have to heal... Thank you so much for this crappy childhood fairy project...

Funny thing is it was me that was the problem. I always atttacted good people into my life for the most part bar 1 or 2 but that was due too the constant need of wanting and needing to have somebody in my life. Since ive quit drink and drugs i feel like im making better choices instead of just going for any person.

Love u Anna for all your supportive videos.

all i can say is this NEVER HAVE HEARD SUCH WORDS OF WISDOM you are the only person i know who gets it.

Thank you. You really know what is necessary and right to do. I am right there with you and so appreciate the support!

All of the toxic people in my life remind me of my mother.

So ON POINT! Excellent wisdom...

All my life, my family was cruel to me when I got them gifts because I didn’t wrap them well enough. I tried really hard. I watched videos. I offered to rewrap them when I was told they weren’t good enough, but I was screamed at not to rewrap them. (Classic scapegoat stuff - disproportionate negative emotion with no resolution or actual reason.) I got a small gift with minimal wrapping for someone I have seen a few times and he said, “oh wow. I’ve never received such a nicely wrapped gift. That’s really amazing. Thank you.” It was the same wrapping quality as I’ve always done it. I hope things work out with this person. Even if they don’t, I will remember that moment and continue to shake off the bullshit.

Bam, Bingo!! Ready to meet the right person....in due time...thank you for your input and experience!!

Anna. I just wanted to thank you for real solutions in addressing childhood trauma. I just got out of a toxic 3 year relationship with a high conflict female on the narcissistic side of the spectrum. I am incorporating the daily practice along with meditation which I have done for years. Thank you for making a real difference in people's lives who want real opportunities to heal and move on. This is an exciting time for me and I appreciate you so much for what you are doing to help people. Blessings and the healing light of love and joy to you.

SURVIVORS ARE THE BEST TEACHERS ANNA. NO MORE CRAPPY RELATIONSHIPS THANK YOU. 😍💜💖🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Thank you... you just summed up my life there. Now I know where to start changing it for the better. Thank you for telling me, and thanks to my ex for crossing paths with me. I needed that to wake up.

Another wonderful video. I look forward yo the bootcamp. I had a three year relationship of accepting “breadcrumbs”. Id take anything. I had no live and attention. I hope not again, even though im alone for a long time. I feel both shame and grief as my lover died and i got confused.