I’m in a terrible relationship with an alcoholic. I love him but he’s a mess. I can’t save him and I’m just tired of the verbal abuse. He says he wants to be better but takes no steps to get sober. He was sober for 90 days and he was a lovely person. I am and was holding that space for the person underneath but he’s not there. I’m heartbroken but I know that I have to go. Thank you for this video. It is going to save me

I helped a thankless alcoholic for 5 years.......and then left. Best decision I ever made.

Been married 22 years. My husband started drinking 4 years ago and the past two he has become Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. We have had 3 fights where it became physical with pushing and shoving. I’ve kicked him balls to stop him from driving. We’ve been together 26 years. He raised my daughter just like he did our son. I couldn’t had asked for a better man. He never raised his voice at me or the kids until he started drinking. He’s a mean drunk and only time he isn’t drunk is when he’s at work. I never dreamed I would be this woman.

An alcoholic won’t get help until he wants to get help. No amount of love will sober him up. I lived a living hell for almost 4 yrs with one to the point I didn’t know myself anymore. All the good qualities he had x 10 with a bow didn’t make up for the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse. I will never forget being chased and pushed as I turned around to close the door & I started to cry in pain. His drunken response was “Oh my god you are crazy .”. That’s when I knew I was dealing with a monster yet it still took a couple years to break free of him. Trauma bond and declining mental health. Unless the alcoholic is your child or willing to get help. RUN!!!

“How to help an alcoholic”. You don’t. You help yourself, whatever that looks like.

I broke up with my alcoholic gf for the second time a month ago. I’m deeply in love with her and always will be, but I can’t get the woman I love back because of her alcoholism and the behaviors that come with it. I’m 6 years sober myself and know what alcoholism is and that you can’t get or keep someone else sober. It hurts so bad when you watch them choose alcohol over you. There are moments when I get the woman I love, but it’s very fleeting and not sustainable while she’s in active addiction. Very, very painful when you love someone and have to let them go.

Honestly the best move you can make is to get out. I've been there and my last partner put me through hell and the situation was changing me as a person. Great if they do what they need to do to and get the help they need to recover, but alcoholics are virtually unable to respect boundaries and although support groups can offer some relief while you're there, they can't change what you have to go home to. You are not failing them by removing yourself from the situation. You have to consider your own safety. You cannot change them and don't fall for false promises from them that they give because they want to keep you there. Alcoholics will use the people closest to them as lifelines, which is unhealthy and will drain you. It sounds harsh but for your own good, your best option is to be morally supportive from afar, if you chose to to remain in contact. They may get better or they may not, but you should never feel guilty about doing whatever you have to do to live your best life, and hopefully doing so might inspire them.

Saying this as someone who wouldn't fully commit to recovery until nearly everyone left me, leave. For your sake and his. I'll also add that I've not seen a single person stay sober/clean while maintaining a romantic relationship from the days when they were drinking/using. If they aren't going to find the reason to do it for themselves, they aren't going to do it.

Hardest thing I've ever done...including getting clean after my own 13 year addiction. Leave. You will be destroyed waiting. Leave.

I had to leave after almost three years of lying, verbal abuse, hiding bottles, calling police, destroying my possessions, etc etc. You just simply have to remove yourself and put yourself first.

I am in this position, so my heart pains for you! ❤ sending you & all the spouses/partners out there dealing with an alcoholic

Thanks for your wise words rich. I feel with this video because I live with an abusive alcoholic parent (who has drank a litre bottle of vodka everyday) who refuses to change. I recently got let go from my job, 100% vegan company which I loved and since then have been getting more “stabs” at being vegan, Verbally Abused for losing my job, for choosing not to eat “cheap meat” just total belittling. Sought out counselling and rehousing then COVID. Happened, been trapped since then. I get things are hard but nobody should have to go through this.

I gave up booze last month after a particularly horrible hangover. I drank a whole bottle of tequila on an empty stomach and I rarely get nausea after drinking but I couldn't keep water down all day. I felt like I was dying. It became clear to me that my weekend solo binge drinking was not headed in a better direction and I had nothing left to get out of it. I'm about six weeks in and feeling great. I know some in recovery preach total abstinence but medical marijuana has been such a nice and mentally / physically healthy alternative when I want to relax and unwind. Waking up without a hangover is so refreshing after years of dealing with hangovers.

It’s important to understand that while not in recovery he doesn’t have the capability to change on his own, so ultimatums are pointless. Good advice to focus on yourself and set boundaries.

Grew up in an alcoholic family. So hard.

Thank you for recommending Al Anon. The person can only help themselves and the alcoholic needs to be responsible for their own change. As you said, they are valuable and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

Don’t walk away. Run. They don’t change

My husband of 6 yrs is getting worse. His drinking is affecting me to the point where I’m detaching from him. He verbally abused me when he gets drunk! Today is Mother’s Day, this week is my birthday and next weekend is our 6th Anniversary. I told him to not bother to get me anything!! I’m getting so I don’t love him anymore…He’s like a Jekyl & Hyde!

I watch this video when I think I am spiraling that I left my ex with a drinking problem. Emotional abuse turned becoming violent, threatening and destroying things. I love the part where he talks about hitting rock bottom to get sober. I think him losing me and his job was that rock bottom (or second rock bottom) that put him on the right path.

I live with an alcoholic boyfriend for almost 2 years and my relationship went from heaven to hell. 😢 He is an amazing and loving person sober. But as soon as his friends come around with beer, He looses himself. His father was also an alcoholic and he witnesses his dad beat his mom until she couldn't take it no more and left him. He says he doesn't want to be like his father and i been trying so hard to help him. He has accomplished so much with me. Yesterday he finally got his drivers license and today his friends took him drinking to celebrate, he hasn't come back. I called him and he drunk driving with them. It hurts so much seeing him falling apart. And also he has mentally and physically abused me when under the influence. Im seriously considering leaving him but can't due to financial situation 😢.

Thank you thank you.. The comment that physical abuse does not have to go in stages, but can manifest on a dime is what clinched my decision to understand that what I have been doing by distancing myself and my loved ones from my abusive alcoholic love is exactly what I need to do. I can have sympathy all day long, and mental and emotional strength to handle the verbal abuse and the devolving behavior, but putting myself in front of a situation that can turn violent suddenly would be the worst thing I could do, not only for myself but for my children. Thank you for this comment, it really puts to bed the question about what I can do for the abusive alcoholic. His survival is now in his hands, and in God's hands.

I’ve been to only one meeting at Al Anon and it’s already made a difference. Wish I could go more than once a week though.

Thank you for this video ❤️

Thank you, still applies a year later. GREAT RELISTEN.

there is something very valuable to be gained from the knowledge of somebody who has been there.

As a former opiate addict I can tell you that until someone is forced to change they won't. Often times their partner leaving is what jolts them back to reality.

You can’t help. They have to do it. Take care of yourself first. I tried to help too and it made things worse for me and now he’s dead.

Great advice guys

Its not a disease its a choice

Nice flip-flops :) The message is also useful.

I live with a lady who is also a drinker, I have known her for 20 years as a friend and I rent a room from her ,I care about her but she drinks everyday and she is 60 now,I think I'm going to move out,can't handle no more drama,she's fighting with her family and me all the time and she doesn't want to change!!!!

It is horrible and upsetting that we can’t do anything. I do believe I am buying him time bcus of my positive influence. It’s hard to feel love for someone and at the same time create some distance so it doesn’t consume you. It’s very difficult to do both. What if you know leaving will increase their chance of dying?

I like the part where he said, you can only control your own behavior in your own responses and you can’t control them. Other than that everything just sounded really not helpful to say the least. He says set boundaries tell them you’ll leave if they do it again and when they do it again, it’s up to you decide if you want to leave or not so you’re like it’s a false boundary Not real not helpful. If they’re intoxicated they don’t care it’ll make you feel worse for even thinking that you could set a boundary.

Maybe my story helps someone. If you’re going trough it - you know how terrible it is. Thing that I did that made me feel better is ending a relationship while he was sober and leaving him. Speaking honestly and sincerely about everything, telling him I will be around If he needs me, like to get him to know he is not alone but I definitely ended a relationship. I even told him - by staying with you I am not doing you a favor. This is better for both of us. I feel lighter, like a huge rock fell of my back the same moment I did it. So - you are strong enough to make a boundary, just think about the way that can be humanic but still put yourself at the first place because Otherwise you will lose your mind and you will not be helpful to him or anyone and specially you will not be happy and good to yourself. GOOD LUCK, U R NOT ALONE ❤

A beard adds great knowledge 👍

My wife is a violent alcoholic and idk what to do at this point. I’ve tried getting her a therapist, I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve tried everything. She denies even needing help. Idk what else to do.

It’s easy to say protect yourself. Hotel rooms are expensive. And so is leaving a house when you have no family to stay with. Can’t just move out like it’s nothing.

I'm 38 good guy ive been dealing with this for awhile d so sick of..I'm a good gut

Leave

My mum went to the hospital 2 times, ahe acted like she was mental, and still didn't stop drinking. She is very verbally abusive. I tried contacting a psychiatric hospital but they want things that I can't make her do them.

my girlfriend friend is an alcoholic. verbally abusive and have been attacked a couple of times. we have been staying at my parents the last few day while i prepare for a spine op, nut her still has downed bottles of gin and had a outburst in front of my parents

Ride, ride like the wind, until you are free again! Aka, RUN

They won’t stop until you leave.

This helped me alot

We are who we are and the sooner u accept that the quicker u will move on u can stay with a horrible person from the age of 16 till ya 80 that person will never change cos tryna change a horrible person into some1 nice is like trying to get a nice person to be horrible I am nice and I've done bad things but deep down I am nice and evil ppl can do nice things but that person will never change..iff a person wakes up and now these done some bad for him to hit the bottle againnn is him not wanting to change end of.everything is an addiction ive been through drinks drugs gambling I've be at them all and it took a while and its cos i didnt wanna stop them ..theee is no such thing as cant when it comes to addiction ppl say theres no such thong as cant..corse there is h cant fly to the moon u cant jump 500ft into the air but everytime u use u do have that vhoice just like everytime u cross the road u have a choice have u ever heard of some1 saying well i am doing bad things i am walking into traffick and getting run over and then u say well why..and rhey say well i just cant say no...mits pethetic we have a choice i did everytime .stopping and starting stuf is just part of the addiction a person will stop when they se when there in a bad place but only them will se no1 can se for them .and thet addiction will never go

This could get violent quick

Oh geesh. Yah so easy to say. Boundaries. WHEN ? When they are drunk and angry. I knwo the answer. "so leave". Pretty much the answer every time. Hardest thing every in life. It gets worse if not help. PERIOD. HOld the space but that space will shrink. Then you will not have that even moment of clarity anymore.

It's all about boundaries.

Run. Find a community, find a church family. My ex drank from college to retirement. He prided himself on self control but he did best controlling others. His brain got mushy and he got angry because he got fat. His decisions started to frighten me. I basically wasted my whole life. Run

Wow! I wanted to cry with emotions from my experiences but I didn't because I have come along way from my alcoholic abusive narsistic father and a husband that abused me and in a drunken stupper beat the crap out of me. I got out with the help of turning point. But was homeless for 6 weeks and he stalked and terrorized me and my two children for a year and a half. While going through the courts. He had a gun and threatened me with that all the time. He always carried it and would often show it to me from a distance even with a PPO. This was going on when OJ murdered and I told the prosecuter I was going to end up like her if you don't do something! He finally got aressted and I got an annulment. My father never got better and the relastionships I were in never did either. I can't change what I went through, I wish I had the info and the help, and social media back then but I didn't. You both gave such great word of wisdom. You need to put yourself first and get the help you need. Get out and then work on building yourself back up. We stay because we feel we are not enough. Get your enoughness and live the rest of your life healthier and happier and safer. I'm in a program called I Am Enough by Marisa Peer! Fantastic program and speeds things up. Thanks you guys!! This was an important topic! Much love 💘 I started a youtube channel over two weeks ago and this has inspired another video that I didn't think I was ready to share, but I beleive it's necessary and timely. 🙏💙

What if he just doesn't give you space. He seeks ppl out in the home to degrade and wants to bring physical altercation.

Very difficult topic 😕

It's my mother who lives alone. went to visit, got verbally abused. 10 mins later got text asking me to come back. I said no. I will go tmrw, if she is sober. I won't turn my back, I can't.

Mine don't want to change

Rich get shredded and become a badass grandpa 😎

My alcoholic son does not live with me but does this exact thing. By TEXT mostly , I connect weekly so he knows I’m here and not alone. He always wants money . Now he’s blocked me and his autistic partner calls for help at 2 am. What do I do ???

what if its the same situation but with a female and nothing at all is changed. i know some one who doesn't feel safe. Any action taken is futile because its very easy for a female say she is abused. Is there a safe way to leave without being pu in further danger?

Just going to vent here: My sister attempted suicide last Thursday. She has relapsed on her drinking and she is very mean when she drinks. I don’t really know what to do. If she has no desire to be sober, what can I do? I can’t afford to pay her rent. I can’t afford to move her out to my state. And even if I did, she’s so mean when she drinks. She bit our mom. Like, wtf? What can I do? I just don’t know.

my gf gwt verbaly abusive, shames my body, shames me sexually, bite me, hit me, accuse me, forget specific events that happened, one moment hitting me one moment asking to kiss me and s*x, blames me for not getting hard, more abuse and shaming after this, i dont know how to satisfy her and shit like that, been called gay, retarted, bite marks, flesh remover from cheek when i defend myself verbally she attacks me for arguing with her and then she says its justified, its the worst i broke up with her today told her either alcohol or me, she said she rather be with real men who knows how to party and in her same boat and its my problem if i cant handle her drinking cause everyone rlse did, just crazy

I drink one premix bourbon same one most of my life I’m 47 and when I buy a bottle and mix it myself I turn into a real asshole recently my partner started punching me in the face and I ended up head butting her, omg what have I done now I fucked up i was arrested and sentenced to 9 months imprisonment. I can’t believe it got to this point i love my kids and my partner so much I can’t believe I’ve put them through this I’m so angry and disappointed at myself and now how to see if i can mend the love for my family back together. I’m giving up 100% and at the moment she said she’s done, I don’t blame her but i need to fix myself and hope i can get help and be with my family again. They are my whole heart normally i would never have done this but mixing spirits out of a bottle sends me over the top I don’t know why its different to the premix cans that never make me like this. CJ

I can’t find this episode on the podcast app...

Show him the door

My girl is like this and I can’t help her I tried for five years we have kids and she want stop she calls me every thing in the book that’s negative I’m tired and I really want to help her but it seem like I can’t and I’m tired 😓 what do I do

Hi My husband is alcoholic I have a 4 year old kid I have tried everything to make him sober. But his words and actions doesn't match.he says he will quit alcohol but in evening he is back to alcohol. Now i have separate from him he says he will die without me and our kid. What should I do? I don't want him to die but i know he will not change his habit. And i know he can't live without our kid What should l do

I had to call the cops 👮‍♀️😔he doesn’t remember

My brother..First "funny" then "Functioning". Becoming angry and paranoid. But it's everyone else's fault.

when shes sober shes very sweet, everything is great even sex, when she start drinking its never one glass and shit start to happen i cant even stop her when i notice shes getting drunk she gets in ny face and act ruse

LEAVE HIM

Why are the girlfriend or wife having to fix the alcoholic partner ? Yes it's generally the girlfriend or wife fault why?

My mums been one all my life and shows no signs of stopping or slowing down just wondering at what age she might die haha 😂

...dig their eyes out with spoons........

You leave. Quit all this psychobabble crap. LEAVE

Come on guys. Advise this woman like you would if she was your sister or your daughter. You would absolutely tell her to leave and not look back.

What about an alcoholic who has not been drinking for 40 years and is STILL abusive? Insulate myself? Alanon. Absolutely no. I have been to meetings and hear horror stories. How is that helpful?

I know a lot of people won’t agree with me, but as a Christian, I feel like the idea of alcoholism or substance abuse being a disease is isn’t as productive as the transformative aspect that Christianity has provided wherein you identify yourself as a New being in Christ. One thing I noticed is that the disease model of addiction and substance abuse tends to make the person identify with the disease and not that they can overcome the disease. it’s something like even if I’ve been sober for 20 years, I’m still an addict. And it kind of takes the personal accountability out of the situation. Where is the Christian model says I’m a sinner I’ve made choices that allow me to be this way and it’s my responsibility to make different choices and be empowered by my new spiritual identity to live as a different person through my daily actions.

In a black out my partner was violent, what's your opinion

protect emotionally? Yah leaving is very emotional. Protect that. This advice does not work. AT ALL. Do you leave somone after 30 yrs when it just started a year ago? Give up? I can tell they have not been through it. How do you stop the shaking and anxiety from seeing it daily. Love to know real answers. Take care of yourself. How when everything is needed to have a family function if half the person is missing.

Oh gosh. This one was out of touch. So easier said then done. Yah ok with kids etc. Nope doesnt work.

Adam...buzz the hair

Clickbait title.