So it comes back to exposure therapy. Facing your fear rather than hiding from it. God it’s so difficult though.

"f*ck it we ball" mentality

"Sup bro how do i look?" "You look like shit" "Aight, time to head out"

This is very much like exposure and response prevention for OCD. You have the urge to engage in the compulsive behaviour (seeking reassurance), but you fight that compulsion and deal with the discomfort.

• detect coping mechanisms for insecurities • if you give in to them, you essentially reinforce the behavior and the insecurity keeps growing. • the only practical way to get rid of it would is to be aware of when they rise even subtly, and starve it or not feed it. • *anything you feed in your mind grows* , what is starved dies. -> Mindfulness is a potent tool. just detach from thoughts coz thoughts cause unnecessary suffering yes.

If I feel ugly, starve myself. Got it!

I am insecure, but I never canceled any social plans... I also never had a social life in a first place

No but literally I discovered this about myself a little while ago and have stopped doing stuff like excessively being careful on how I might come off to others, and it worked, like I'm literally so much more calm, and with appearance too, I used to be so insecure about even just a little bit of body hair anywhere and now I just chill

My insecurities are morbidly obese by this point

I've been saying to a friend, "avoiding fears and pain is not the point. It's finding ways to work around those things that's important." Avoiding DISempowers you and makes you weaker. Facing them *empowers* you and makes you stronger and more courageous. That said: there is also a "stretch zone" and a "break zone." Just make sure you're finding solutions in the stretch zone. You don't have to go all in and reinforce those feelings of failure and hiding.

This works but for very specific insecurities and situations. Sometimes they're grounded in something more and you have to deal with the source or they're trauma related so you can't 180 it. Often for these you have to slowly reduce its control in a safe way and balance how much you take on at a time. Some like appearance can be to due to something like Gender Dysphoria which no matter how much you try and starve will not go away without dealing with the source issue. It's not a one size fits all. The concept definitely is right for some things where you're avoiding pain. I definitely got something out of it tho it wasn't what I or Dr. K would have expected lol

Had big issues with abandonment, because I've been dropped all my life by people when I wasn't 'good' and 'positive' but I showed signs of struggling. It caused me to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable asking for help, but also be very intuitive and sensitive about people lying to me or ignoring me. Which is exactly what my ex-best friend did the last two years of our 18 year long relationship. I tried to open communication with them about it, they kept deflecting, projecting their feelings onto me, laying blame on me, or just lying about stuff. I eventually just decided to leave it for what it is, emotionally disentangled (explaining why when they asked, because I'm a grown adult), and with all the pain and insecurity I've been through because of them, I don't really struggle with my feelings of abandonment anymore. Obviously I ended the relationship because I felt incredibly lonely in the relationship because they compelled me to keep others at a distance emotionally and not form deep friendships with anyone else, so that was a big red flag. But at least they helped me become a better version of myself, and I'm invested in other people again without the fear or insecurity that they're going to abandon me.

Being introverted and then being insecure about not being able to talk to people normally is a certified bruh moment

As someone with OCD who’s gone through exposure therapy I can say this really does help. It fucking sucks beyond all belief. But my god does it help.

This seems to be why meditation and exercise is so important? Meditation is suppose to bring you the ability to hear these worrying thoughts and "let them pass". We let many thoughts come and go all day. The ones that get stuck ARE difficult to deal with because you actually DO have to learn how to deal with them. When something that was once easy or natural becomes hard we tend to get scared. We tend to think something must be wrong with us. We need to accept that we are struggling with this processing task and be willing to practice growing it to be able to move on. Maybe some of our perfectionism holds us back from being willing to learn? (Saying this as someone who doesnt meditate enough. I never really put together WHY it might be helpful but it makes more sense now to me at least... I might have to give it more sincere try. Ty for your videos they are helping so many people ❤)

You can't brute force your insecurities away, forget that nonsense. Try understanding where your insecurities come from. Most of our insecurities are rooted in outdated traditional values/ideas. It's someone else's voice living rent free in your head, lying to you. Be critical of your negativity. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, and be patient with yourself. Talk to yourself with the kindness and understanding you give to the people you love the most. This is how you make peace with yourself internally.

The insecurity wants reassurance.. bars😂

Boom, Dr K you just keep putting everything I "kinda know" into words. It REALLY helps solidify it for me. I've watched you for only a couple weeks and I'm already making noticeable progress within myself. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but it's when you're outside your comfort zone that growth is possible and I have you to thank for this.

I remember me insecure and been putting off taking the theory test part of the driving test. I was insecure cause over the years I had done enough learning studying and test. And I've had enough and is afraid to fail. But one night still insecure afraid to fail, I just literally booked the test and paid. Call it YOLO. Call it LETS FUXXIN GOOOOO! On the day, I went to the test center nervous. Specially the thorough checks they do making sure you won't cheat. Not to mention the test room was full of cctv cameras to catch cheaters. But in the end, I finished and passed with 2 wrong answers. Both on the questions and video part of the test. No matter what insecurities you got. As Shia LaBeouf say. JUST DO IT! I still suffer from insecurities here and there and OCD even. But fight it, don't FEED IT!

Where's the link to the full video? 😢

It's almost spooky how this popped up just as I was doing this very thing. (Feeding an insecurity.) Really needed this.

What if your entire existence itself is an insecurity?

Going though some abandondment issues and this advice was much appreciated an apllicable to my situation. Thanks!

Having ocd makes life a living hell, especially with insecurities, but definitely what’s helping me is focusing on the present and constantly exposing myself to those fears

This is so hard tho having adhd cuz the dopamine is just so needed

Theres also a balance. If you dont feel like going, dont go. If its the 5th time and you keep saying no, then youre feeding the insecurity.

Stare into the abyss and the abyss stares into you. Spend time on thinking you are ugly and one day you look back and notic how much you think about it

Ok so how do you tell the difference between letting it starve and letting it quietly fester?

Excellent advice! Thanks Doc.

i'm really surprised on how much Dr K knows about me indirectly lol. And this shorts always comes timely. Thanks Dr. K & youtube & of course thank God. I didn't have this kind of knowledge in my childhood, i could only bottle it up. i kinda feel like in certain ways, young people these days are kinda lucky to have these people like Dr K explaining to them in this internet era. Although i do feel bad for young people these days, because internet also is kinda being weapons against them (and me too) sometimes.. the life test is also massive these days in different way compared to the past eras.

I like the idea of "starving" my insecurities because them shits need to gooooo lol

this is very true, but also very difficult. especially for those with ocd.

is there a difference between those reactions and going to the gym because I don’t like the way I look? after i work out i feel good because i feel like im seeing the slow growth. . .

This makes sense narratively, like "starving my insecurities" but I wonder sometimes with Dr.k stuff what's physically happening in the brain when he says stuff like that

I had a fun moment a while ago where I cut my own hair then shared the same pic to a bunch of different people (some close friends and some less so). Some of those friends I said "hey I cut my own hair, do you think I look ok?" And the rest I said "fresh cut, what do you think?" Everyone that I told I cut my own hair said it looked bad and everyone I told that it was done by a pro said it looked good. Either I found a pattern or I need new friends.

im really glad i found your channel.

YO CD Reassurance Seeking

This one definitely helped. Thank you.

Ig it's good that I'm insecure about asking people stuff related to my insecurities then

That's why so many people ask questions, not for an answer but for agreement with what they believe the answer should be. Hardly nobody takes another person's advice no matter how good it is.

A big insecurity of mine has always been intelligence. This fear of ignorance and stupidity and being wrong has lead me to obsessively fixate on concepts in my mind and has actually given me a lot of very interesting insights at a very young age. I was diagnosed with OCD a couple years back but it has become less practical and more mental if that makes sense, I rarely act out compulsions anymore instead I force myself to think in order to overcome anxiety instead. So at this point it is very difficult to distinguish what was once OCD from regular anxiety.

Great loop!

He’s so dang right!❤

This is exactly the same thing I do to starve my OCD; it's good to know I can use it for other things.

Dr k is a legend ..

I’ve been struggling with major insecurities since middle school (I’m around 18 now) and have been trying various methods into eliminating them. It gets to the point where opportunities dissipate and my thought process is altered to a point where my mind is shrouded with negative thinking and self destructive thoughts. It’s so bad to the point that my grades drop because I feel that I need to be distracted to feel better. I think it’s because I focus too much on how I look when I’m walking or doing any task really, but mostly when I talk to someone; I focus so much on how I look when I’m talking to them that I sound very odd and weird, giving them NPC like responses lol. All I have learned is to state the obvious, and not care about it as well as not thinking about it. Not putting energy in those thoughts is harder than I anticipated because of how long you have fed into those thoughts. I’m still learning and would greatly appreciate any valuable advice instead of obvious responses like “just don’t care”. I am a person with major passion and potential, and these self fabricated lies shut me down to the point where i curl up and question if there’s anything wrong with me.

Its easy to unlearn fears by confronting your fears and experiencing that your fears are unfounded. BUT how to unlearn fears of something where the confrontation confirms your fears every time, like erectile dysfunction?

Hey doc, interesting topic. I was actually discussing this with my partner, and he made the statement that this works differently in relationships. Is this true? Could you perhaps make a video discussing how to 'handle' insecurities within realtionships and if a 'need' for reassurence should be met or more so ignored, like you said in this video? Love your work, bye❤

The art of not giving a f

I think it is ok to feel insecure and it does not matter if you are a good looking person and feel insecure, that is ok as well. but it is about embracing yourself as a whole and looking at your positives and if you do not like some feature then that is ok but you may be able to love it too for all it's imperfections but if you always do not love it then that is a women's right. However when you start to learn to love yourself and stop comparing yourself to others and wanting to look like them or wishing to look different then that is freedom. it is a journey self love often but women can be so stubborn and refuse to try and I guess only God knows there heart but it is hard to know some many stubborn people who are unable to do things that are for their own good.

Full video?

Accept how you feel, and it will go.

I think that snap is the only social media that has had some positive effect on me because of the insecurities that he is talking about, at first it was super embarrassing but then I was able to eventually just shoot photos of myself into the void and stopped really thinking about how I looked in the photo

It’s just like OCD: if you give in to your compulsive to get reassurance from your obsessive thoughts, you are just feeding it. So it’s better if you don’t do the compulsive behaviour

Thank youuu!

I didnt hear a solution. I only heard what you shouldnt do.

very similar to ocd reassurance seeking, gotta avoid it like the plague

Although indirect, this reminds me of a Red Indian parable about The Two Wolves. The gist of it is that inside us there is the wolf of good and the wolf of evil, and they are engaged in a constant war to try to dominate your spirit. The winner will be the one *you* fed the most. The lesson hit me like a truck back then it reshaped how I respond to everything in life.

*_"I'll give you something to think about!"_*

This is quite brilliant ❤

What about what you said about addiction? That resisting will lead to the body making the urge even stronger because that's what leads you to action

This is basically social media lore

when im feeling bad about my weight i just dont weigh myself. seeing the scale go up is just going to make me feel worse and then spiral into a self destructive behavior.

The art of not giving a F***.

And as a partner? What do we do? Often they recur to "you have to make me feel better about my insecurities".

And yet it still doesn't work. I stopped having my sister look over every important email because I realized that doesn't help me but not doing it hasn't made it any better either. I worry just as much, brood hours over that one mail and have half a breakdown even after sending it. Even after receiving an answer I still crave for someone to tell me that it was worded ok even if the person didn't comment anything out of ordinary in the answer which could be interpreted as everything being fine but I STILL doubt it.

Okay this is the biggest thing for me ever. I was quite harshly bullied as a kid socially and the result is deep trenches of insecurity that I’ve had to try and heal. On top of lots of depression, codependency, and lately severe OCD and intrusive thoughts, my anxiety levels spike hard when something triggers an insecurity. Lately it has been so hard trying to manage my anxiety regarding my brother. I find myself catastrophizing over potential things I may say in conversations to come, not even serious things per se, but just minor things that flare massive anxiety because they relate to something im obsessing over or something. And ruminating hard on things that have just happened and just in the past in general, but sometimes the reflection helps me remember who I am and what I’ve been through in scope and that seems to have been one of my few lifelong feelings is just trying to reconnect. How can I alleviate the stress and help free myself? I’ve tried this past year to practice CBT and ERP, to minuscule success cause I can’t afford a professional. I’m Banned from the stream for a remark I made when not in a proper state of mind and was also misunderstood and condemned by lazy mods instead of getting a second chance. Seeing this type of advice is fantastic though, I spam my mind and subconscious with affirmation and meditation videos on KZfaq lol that’s one of the only other lifelines. I’ve tried box breathing and some breath work but it rarely helps my chest gets tight when I’m obsessing or anxious, and I’ve done some mediation but never stuck with it and done it consistently. Thanks

Awesome how can I find the full episode please?

This is an odd one that I discovered on my own as a child, but never fully resolved. If you try to solve the insecurity by giving in and doing more of what you think you need, it becomes a neverending self reinforcing loop, whereas if you do not, you may now actually be realistically inadequate. Of course these were just my thoughts as an inexperienced child and as an adult I sort of follow the mantra, be reasonable, but only just so, and those who care don't matter and those who matter don't care. People who expect me to go above and beyond what I think is reasonable should probably go with someone else.

My insecurities come from family members job, body, ugly, clothes and everything shaming me everytime they see me. I'm 35 and realise that I am broken.

idk... i have been straving my insecurities for years (for reassurance) but controlling ur mind is always very difficult

So "don't worry about it bro" Is actually good advice?

fake it till you make it - it's basically a way to circumvent this because you are not feeding your insecurity that way

It's all about validating it with a response. Don't feed the troll of insecurity and it'll get bored of prodding you

Anybody knows what video this is From 🙏

Where is the full video for this?

He would be a good Dr.Strange Cosplayer!!!!

And THIS is the problem with social media. Breaking news.

True. At one point i was very insecure about my height (i am 165cm or 5’4), and i watched a lot of heightpill videos, so in that way i fed it. When i stopped watching these videos, i felt better.

David Goggins does this for motivation and just killing souls 😂

Epic So like delayed gratification or none at all when it comes to addiction

I like the loop. Not annoying.

Thank you

Which video is this from? I got here before the pinned comment :)

Not me having someone pre check every status I post lol Maybe not do that as often okok o7

So would it be a good idea to starve an insecurity about your own appearance by going for grocery shopping with some marinara sauce stains in the face and on the shirt?

How do you stop feeding the ego?

Ok I will delete the tests in my software project to stop feeling insecure about the correctness of the code.

Asking someone how I look sounds exactly like facing the problem. Bringing it up, instead of pushing it down and stewing in the old ideas about the issue. No?

Btw You look amazing doc, thanks for the info!

What is the full video

yall gotta link to the full episodes for these this is like the 5th one i found i wanna watch but cant

original video link?

So if I forget I have an insecurity, I won't have it anymore? So much makes sense now

Interesting. I found the opposite to be true for me. I started balding at around 26 and was super insecure about it. I tried to comb my hair in a way that would disguise it. Then one day i embraced it and shaved my head. It doesn't even bother me now and i actually like the look and its grown on me

How do you tell the difference between an insecurity and just wanting to put energy towards looking good?

My main fear in life is going blind. I am pretty much half blind in my right eye (It's stable, thank God) so I'm facing my fear every day.

Inside of you there are two wolves... one of them is gay the other one is gay you are now breathing manually

Super helpful

Smart. But also much much easier said than done