What strategies have helped you cope with your narcissistic boss?
@Rachelthepiano4 жыл бұрын
I have a boss who frequently gaslights me and what I do is limit my communication to only a professional level. She loves to gossip so that is why I do that.
@teeada68583 жыл бұрын
I keep the conversation fact-based. The narc boss tries to trigger an emotional response and confuse you, but if you know the facts and keep bringing the conversation back to that point then the narc boss tends to shut down. But have your ducks in a row because they will try to harm your job or the job of your coworker friends if they can't get a reaction out of you.
@DeadlySpecies3 жыл бұрын
The hardest thing to cope with IMHO is their tendency to change every thing around, if you have a way of doing things they will insist you change it just for the sake of Micromanaging and control
@fpridgeway3 жыл бұрын
Great channel Jennifer. However, the truth is that there is nothing one can do with a narcissistic boss. Hope and pray that he or she leaves; or you find another job.
@somethinggood92673 жыл бұрын
@@fpridgeway pray for me please, I'm going through this right now
@kt40473 жыл бұрын
Never underestimate the power of documentation. ✨
@YeshuaIsTheTruth2 жыл бұрын
Yes.
@RubyJay_ Жыл бұрын
This
@kt4047 Жыл бұрын
@Sabenam Aryobi if your emails are respectful and non-aggressive and they're still getting worked up that means they're not happy being documented. Keep documenting anyway, and if they become aggressive towards you document it as well.
@kt4047 Жыл бұрын
@Sabenam Aryobi it can just be a simple confirmation in Slack or messaging platform for something they asked you to do. Like, "hey boss, just to make sure I understand the request completely, you asked me to do XX by YY. I'll do this by 3pm unless you have some corrections. Thanks!"
@varickkorso48714 жыл бұрын
My advice, leave... leave and don't look back.
@JenniferBrick4 жыл бұрын
That's the best advice 😃
@leratogao22673 жыл бұрын
Leave and pay rent with what it's not easy to find a job
@The25Sister3 жыл бұрын
@@leratogao2267 Leave when you found another job of course.
@gogoldiego3 жыл бұрын
It's not always easy to leave. More has to be done to these people.
@mynickname67872 жыл бұрын
@@leratogao2267 to regain your health is even harder though.
@jojomatthews31383 жыл бұрын
I refuse to be manipulated, so I absolutely won’t be making it all about them. I see right through the BS.
@saucysia24553 жыл бұрын
Say that shit again
@xxuc71912 жыл бұрын
Me too
@MoonLight-gm6zm3 жыл бұрын
This is so true! My boss is a narcissist and working with him is hell of earth. He has made work completely unbearable. I consider him to be an emotional terrorist. With him it is always a monologue (only he is allowed to talk, you are not even permitted to respond at all, since he just hates it), never a dialogue. He is short-tempered and is quick to lash out on people. After he shouts at you, he never admits his wrong-doing, but puts the blame on you by saying you have made him do it. He gaslights people all the time. He has 0 empathy and actually blames you for being sick when you are on a sick leave! When he makes mistakes, he blames others for them, but never himself. He has a grandiosity complex, and really views himself as better than anybody else. In his mind, he is always right and just cannot be wrong. period. He views his employees not as people, but as objects, and treats them as such. He has 0 appreciation for all the great work you do and is incapable of praising you. He is jealous of his own employees' success. He is a hypocrite, since the rules which apply to others do not apply to him. He is completely incapable of either giving or receiving constructive criticism. He only likes yes-people, the enablers who kiss his a*, if you are not one of them, he is going to put you down each time he gets a chance to, making you miserable. His micromanagement is just awful. Honestly, I can go on and on. In short, working with such a narcissistic boss is extremely damaging to one's emotional and physical health, and I would advise anybody to get out of such a work place as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!
@roxcyn3 жыл бұрын
Try to get into another department.
@lemaxx26383 жыл бұрын
So how did it end up for you? Did u find another job?
@lindaschultz79002 жыл бұрын
I'm trying. !! The company I work for are evil !!
@sheebasee9496 Жыл бұрын
You just described my EX female boss to the T 😂
@RealityCheck6T93 жыл бұрын
A narcissist just wants to watch the world burn. It's hard enough to have one as a colleague but as a boss? No way. Just leave.
@JenniferBrick3 жыл бұрын
Yep
@whitepod2 жыл бұрын
leave for sanity's sake
@rashidakhan773 жыл бұрын
Narcissist bosses also are surrounded by sycophants who are in a symbiotic relationship with the narcisssist bosses. This keeps the game going as long as there are some saps who are going to be doing all the work and problem solving, but who just do it without knowing how to play the game. These symbiotic relationships are filled with a ton of insecurity, and that insecurity can be their undoing, if you are willing to keep them in the dark while you get enough knowledge and expertise that they can no longer do without you saving their behinds. That is the time to break their symbiotic clique and pick them off as they start throwing each other curbside.
@keith5362 жыл бұрын
You're exactly right. Can't stand the boot lickers and sycophants. I think they irritate me more than the narcissist-in-charge.
@katieghoul0092 Жыл бұрын
Yes! This is currently my main manager (narcissist) and the assistant gen manager. Which, they date on and off and nearly got married a few years ago. And no one is above them because it's a fitness center I am so glad you made this comment. I was feeling self conscious until now
@karenmaher20922 ай бұрын
Absolutely, they are just as bad as the narc boss.
@victoriahiley83952 жыл бұрын
As soon as you realise you are dealing with a narc get another job. In the meantime grey rock as much as you can, file note all conversations and don’t meet with them alone.
@QuantumSorceress2 жыл бұрын
Lifting up a narcissist is one of the worst things that you can ever do.
@marylee27323 жыл бұрын
I’m getting stressed by just listening to this and remembering I have to go back to work on Mondays Tuesdays Wednesdays Thursdays and Fridays. And having a narcissistic husband and mother too. I’ve been sick the last 25 yrs.
@lindaschultz79002 жыл бұрын
Me too !! Tired of it
@RubySlippers36911 ай бұрын
Hope you're both doing ok now.
@great5673 жыл бұрын
This is why when you run a company, it's always about the results, not the ego
@JenniferBrick3 жыл бұрын
Exactly 🙌🙌🙌
@driver13g273 жыл бұрын
It's because the market / consumers decide, they don't care about nc!ssm
@Ninjamama223 жыл бұрын
Tip 5 - Exit Strategy - I’m currently there.
@jmfs34972 жыл бұрын
Working on my resume now to apply for three jobs this week.
@julisnyderart3 жыл бұрын
There is no stigma a narcissist is concerned about bc they'll never admit they have a problem. In their eyes, they are perfect. There's no reason they'd want to seek help for their narcissism.
@julisnyderart3 жыл бұрын
Framing everything in terms of how something will benefit them - genius! I can't tell you how many times I brought something to my narc boss' attention or asked him something and his response was 'What's in it for me?'
@vipashasharma71414 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much, I finally know I'm not the problem!
@JenniferBrick4 жыл бұрын
I've worked with a narcissist and know how that sanity check is important!
@scottfeuerhammer35953 жыл бұрын
Yes, I had a narcissistic boss. He was older than me by 3 years, went to high school together. Bowled in a league together. He always teased me, demeaning me. I'd tell a joke and he wouldn't laugh, but then a month later he was telling everyone the joke I had told him as if he just made it up. He told me at work, "If you make me look good, I will make you look good. I had a target of 2 implemented "continuous improvement" ideas per year. No feedback or communication on my ideas. Finally, the final straw was when I was reprimanded in my annual review and told I wouldn't be getting a raise that year, because I didn't have any improvement ideas. When I did. I made note how every employee's ideas were implemented after they left the company. I was so naive. Wasted 9 years of my life. I thought he was my friend, but he took credit for my ideas and work.
@sp3g56 Жыл бұрын
I’m sorry you got stuck dealing with such a shady person!
@RubyJay_ Жыл бұрын
Document and report to HR! I sure did!
@jmfs34972 жыл бұрын
1. "Making the narc the center". Kind of. It was EXACTLY what my narc manager wanted from the beginning, but it was an exhausting, unquenchable, goose-chase, that made me smaller and smaller every day. I have found Gray Rocking them as much as possible worked better for my own mental health. 2. "Think Critically". Yes. You don't actually exist as a real person to them, and they are going to treat you like an obstacle in a video game that is there for them to manipulate to their personal benefit. If you allow them to have any power over you, they will completely take over your career... and if they feel threatened by your skills/talent/etc, they will guide you the wrong direction so that they devalue you. 3. "Depersonalize". YES! You can't plead, explain, convince, persuade anything to a narcissist. They may not even understand the words THEY are using, and just repeat jargon that sounds good. Your goal should be to be INTERNALLY HEALTHY when faced with narcissists. Eat healthy, drink healthy, exercise, meditate, go to therapy, do your work the way YOU KNOW is the right way, and keep your eyes on your own goals. 4. "Know their limitations". Their lack of empathy is both their superpower, and their weakness. They are only pretending to be a real person. They have a somewhat cartoonish vision of what being a boss means, and they got into that position by lying their way up a ladder. They are wildly insecure and will do everything their power to destroy anyone they perceive as a threat to their fantasy world. Gray Rock, Gray Rock, Gray Rock. 5. "Have an exit strategy". YES! They will never change authentically, but they will flip between ingratiating behavior and alienating behavior rapidly. They climbed their ladder by being ingratiating to people above them, even if they want to overthrow them. The narcissist will become ingratiating to you when they feel like they are losing you. This will happen if you start gray rocking them. Once you open back up they will start alienating you again to your face. Both their ingratiating behavior AND their alienating behavior IS part of their ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR. Yes... even when they are being nice it is manipulative and abusive. After feeling trapped by a narcissist boss at work, you will always keep your resume updated, and likely apply/interview for jobs as practice... even jobs you don't even want. A narcissist will drain you of your passion and motivation. They will age you in their trap. Always be navigating away from them.
@bluesun20012 жыл бұрын
So true, thank you for putting this beautifully.
@sssttt22112 жыл бұрын
Narcissists also has tendency to hack your devices and listen to your private conversation, use that information against you as if you requested them to do so, hence adding to their own confusion and creating problems for you.
@unicornishcornish3 жыл бұрын
Our narcissistic boss, isn't even our boss, he's got a senior position on the team but not a leadership role, that doesn't stop him from bossing everyone around. Everybody hates that guy, I heard that before I joined at least 2 people left because of him. Several people complained about his abusive behavior to HR but they refuse to do anything about it, they keep making excuses for him. Our actual manager doesn't care, he only comes to work to relax so he is happy for someone else to do his job for him, even poorly.
@The25Sister3 жыл бұрын
I have the same situation about my Senior. I just laugh because I can't be controlled by this human.
@RinAsami12 жыл бұрын
I refuse to bow down to my narc boss anymore. It didn't make him treat me better anyway, just less worse. I'm done covering up his lies, mistakes, and ineptness. I'm trying to get out because no one deserves the daily nasty attitude, manipulation, and gaslighting daily. I'm mentally and physically exhausting from having to be around him daily. He believes he does no wrong and it's always someone else's fault and responsibility. Regarding giving them empathy? No, not anymore. I kept giving emotional energy and it just keeps getting worse at my workplace. I don't think we should give empathy and energy when they do not and will not give us any. It only hurts us to give and give with zero acknowledgement or hint of reciprocation.
@Healinglove Жыл бұрын
KEEP EMOTIONS OUT OF IT. ❤
@sandipearce12773 жыл бұрын
Thank you! This is incredibly helpful advice. I will be forming my exit strategy.
@keith5362 жыл бұрын
Or just leave.. If you can't leave because you can't afford to, then cut your spending. It's times like this that made me reevaluate my spending habits. Once I did that I did leave. Have that emergency fund put together and it will give you a lot of power. Power to walk away and have the energy to slowly find the right job. It's hard to imagine but you can do it.
@jackjazzjacket7 ай бұрын
This video was exceedingly helpful. I have had trouble with a boss in construction for a several years. I could not put our interactions into proper perspective until seeing information regarding narcissists, this video being an excellent example. Thank you.
@hannacook8592 жыл бұрын
I think learning about the dark triad helps here a lot, a Machiavellian is very different to a narcissist and both are very common in management (well not very, I would say maybe 3 in 100, most people are normal and do their best) A Machiavellian will gaslight you much more than a narcissist and his goal is to see you damaged, a narcissist just doesn't care either way (and is much more common) with a narcissist a win win will work just fine and is much easier to deal with. A Machiavellian is a nightmare, he doesn't just want to win, he wants you to lose. And a psychopath doesn't even care if he wins, he just wants you to lose I think those are very very rare. Narcissistic people are the most common of the triad and most common in a work place and the easiest (just make them think you winning makes them look good, Chad yourself, or make them look like an extension of them until you can escape) a Machiavellian you should run from and a psychopath, call the police then run run run.
@julisnyderart3 жыл бұрын
Narcissists don't care about stigma associated with getting help because as a narcissist, they believe they're perfect. So why would they get help for something they don't see as a problem? Narcissists' self awareness level is very low.
@MrHousetronic2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for this video! It came as a gift at a very difficult moment in my life. I work as a manager at a high end restaurant. The owner-my boss, is exactly the type of person you describe. He fits 100% the profile of a narcissist. He does every single thing that you mentioned. Furthermore, he is also extremely devious, toxic and manipulative (unless all 3 fall under the narcissist profile). I feel like I am under siege all the time. I have thought about quitting several times. I just feel that I need to find another job first, so I retain an income. But seriously, I don't think I can take his lunacy anymore... Peace from Greece!
@JenniferBrick2 жыл бұрын
I'm so sorry you're going through it. Look on my Toxic Job playlist, I have videos about surviving whole you're in a toxic job, and also looking for a job when you're still in the environment that is so draining. Sending so many positive vibes. And also, I love Greece so much and can't wait to visit again soon!
@jmfs34972 жыл бұрын
Make applying for jobs part of your weekly routine, even if the job isn't perfect, it can be a Bridge Job until you find something better. Learn about the "Gray Rock Method" to reduce your reaction to his abuse, as well as reduce his attraction to abusing you... They get energized by stressing you out. Don't stay any longer than you have to. Don't try to work it out with the narcissist, as they don't want to work it out. Even when they are being positive, it is manipulation to keep you around for more negative abuse. Good luck, and stay internally healthy.
@kellythomas58713 жыл бұрын
I wish I had watched a few years ago, this is great advice. Thank you I now have a new career, and will know what to do next time.
@CD12VIDEOS Жыл бұрын
Spot on advice!!
@Cowface Жыл бұрын
In my experience, it sucks and you gotta swallow your pride, but feed them that sweet sweet narcissistic supply they crave so much, while also keeping your distance. Make them look good e.g., praise their managerial style in front of others, and don’t rely on them for validation of your performance. Don’t take their outbursts personally.
@rayallen2023 жыл бұрын
No, I'm not taking any plea bargains when I'm not a fault. It won't end well for you. Don't play there game.
@pauldooley87083 жыл бұрын
My friend's narcissistic boss said to them, "I'm going to f'ck you up. I had six sisters, so I know how to do it and I'm going to do it to you."
@Michaeljj4life2 жыл бұрын
This lady Has a narcissistic way of dealing with Narcissists!
@Inkironnrum10 ай бұрын
I have this one supervisor who ran me out of one department , thereafter, managed to run me out of the second department. The third department, where I am at currently, she is no longer my supervisor. But….she is always checking on me and piles work for me to do. My now supervisor is weak. She lets this bully give me orders. Now, my third department crew is like, WTH, this woman is out of control. So, when she tells me this and that has to be done, I give her the dullest “okay” without looking at her. She walks away mimicking my “okay” It’s hilarious.
@kathrynsutton26502 жыл бұрын
I’m so glad you posted this
@onecoolcat24782 жыл бұрын
Can anyone tell me how a narcissist can possibly succeed in corporate America? Don't they have a boss as well? Don't they apply their own manipulative style to their boss?
@jonathonbuist75432 жыл бұрын
Yes they manipulate their boss but in a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing way. The narcissist will ingratiate themselves upon the boss. This makes the boss, who may also be insecure enough to qualify as narcissistic, look and feel good about themselves. Narcissists frequently take credit for work that they did not do or was never done. They'll also make sweeping, devastating changes to a department knowing that the changes will provide a temporary, but unsustainable, boost to key metrics. Their plan is to pad their resume with as much truth as is convenient for their next step up the corporate ladder. By the time the fallout for their decisions start showing up on paper, they already impressed the brass enough to earn a promotion somewhere else. By appealing to their boss's egos and giving the impression of success, the boss is happy to trust the narcissist rather than eye them with suspicion. Narcissists love creating codependent relationships. Most narcissists need a full-time, highly-trained warden to keep them civil and most bosses don't have the time and will to nurture the insight necessary to identify a narcissists, much less the time and will to be their babysitter. Which isn't to say that the narcissist won't eventually betray his boss. But like sharks, the narcissist chooses to gain most of their metaphorical nutrition (in this case, emotional nutrition) by feeding on the helpless. The boss, who can hold the narcissist accountable, is not helpless... until there is blood in the water. If the boss is retiring or struggling, the narcissist won't hesitate to throw the boss under the bus and attempt to take their place. After all-from the narcissist's perspective-it's the boss's fault for being so trusting and the boss deserves betrayal.
@onecoolcat24782 жыл бұрын
@@jonathonbuist7543 Thank you so much! It's hard for me to understand the cruelty behind a narcissists motive; I just can't relate and I hope I never do. Would you mind if I ask your advice on how to deal with a boss that is a narcissist? I've been trying to figure this out for years and no one can provide an answer so far
@jmfs34972 жыл бұрын
Yep. What Jonathon said. The narcissist is purely focused on ingratiating themselves with their own bosses. They will tell their bosses anything they want to hear, and never use the negative abuse tactics that they use with you. They tell you what you want to hear, too, as a hoovering tactic when they feel like you are distancing yourself. Positive or Negative, the narcissist is using it to manipulate and abuse others. Entire offices can get consumed by narcissists and enablers, as all of them tell each other what they want to hear in order to climb a ladder and keep the paychecks flowing. They will end up hiring enablers into an office specifically to keep up the charade. No truth tellers allowed. Only the obediently deferential.
@keith5362 жыл бұрын
I just love the ones that proudly tout their creds and experience. I told one boss, going out the door; "Yeah, well, EJ Smith had 40 years experience. He ignored ice warnings, wanting to break records and make the stockholders happy. 1500 people died because of his experience."
@drmusicmaster9 ай бұрын
I’m waiting on a very lucrative position with the government, and I’m currently in a place where the boss is without a doubt a narcissist. My whole team has been working to get him fired as he’s blatantly disregarded policies in place. He loves to retaliate when anyone does what he doesn’t want them to do, making excuses about things, lying about him not being late when he’s late every day, etc. How does one deal with the retaliation of the boss? I’ve done everything very covertly to let higher management know what’s going on without him getting wind of what’s going on.
@somethinggood92673 жыл бұрын
Excellent, I'm going through this right now and I almost quit but I need some work done on my car and if I quit right now I will be cutting off my own arm to spite my face... So I've decided to stay until I go back to school, or leave if it finally gets too unbearable.
@ReceptiveKing933 ай бұрын
Once you have a narcissistic boss just throw the whole job away. I was fired by a narcissistic owner of a small business. It’s not your job to fixed them nor should you stay 💯
@markinpdx73453 жыл бұрын
These tips are quite helpful. Thank you!
@Healinglove Жыл бұрын
What if you leave, only to find another narcissist at your NEW job??😮
@TheOnePieceKing019 ай бұрын
This is me right now 😵
@JessiTube2 жыл бұрын
LEAVE. GET OUT
@ndikuthanda7 ай бұрын
resign. if they are your boss you cannot challenge them. leave immediately.
@tealemon4693 Жыл бұрын
So I knew my boss before she was my boss she is a family member of a close close person in my life and I thought that my boss would be wonderful to work for. Because my job at the time was dissolving my current boss asked me to come to work for her which I thought was wonderful. In the beginning she mentioned that there had been 15 people in my position which was a big red flag I have to admit. Her boss is her son she cannot stand up to him she allows him to verbally belittle her she gets angry and then she comes back to our department and takes it out on us. Well I'll accept her flying monkeys. My boss doesn't understand what we do and she makes up rules and changes them constantly she tightly controls information and controls everything we do. She will call you into the office demand to know why you did something and then as you try to explain to her why you did it she cuts you off and she won't let you finish. I've upped my antidepressants and I'm not crying in the office any longer. Wow that really helped for me to get that out there!
@anotherlyric Жыл бұрын
All of this is my Boss and she happens to be the Mayor of our small town.
@matthewsmith27873 жыл бұрын
Don’t like giving you praise
@alexander1974ish Жыл бұрын
the best strategy how to deal with a narcissistic manager is to start working on an exit plan. our lives are already busy and hard enough without having to deal with someone who's hindering our career.
@urvashipatel52142 жыл бұрын
I pity them for being so ignorant that the world doesnt revolve around them..they have already decided wether they like u or not depending on ur nationalitiy... imagine being narcissist n racist ...what a sad life they have.
@jmfs34972 жыл бұрын
Sadly, the narcissists will actually hollow out organizations, pushing out the most talented people, in favor of narcissistic enablers... essentially incubating an office that DOES revolve around them. Learning to identify narcissists, neutralize/gray rock their focus on you, and exit those environments as one of the talented people, is becoming a crucial life skill. Don't fight them, quietly abandon them.
@knuckelswashout Жыл бұрын
Has anyone tried a HR complaint or better a lawsuit for mental anguish?
@bakedsmart1804 жыл бұрын
Great advice!
@JenniferBrick4 жыл бұрын
I'm glad it helped!
@amr_adventurez3 жыл бұрын
What advice she just outlined the traits of a narcissist Not how to deal with it
@corashook4256 Жыл бұрын
It is not ok it is never ok
@catherineromero18622 жыл бұрын
How? Don’t. Move on ASAP
@Believer-in-Christ2 жыл бұрын
What causes a person to become a narcissist? Just curious? 🤷♀️
@BreathofFreshAar Жыл бұрын
Childhood Trauma.
@Megan432104 жыл бұрын
🙏
@JenniferBrick4 жыл бұрын
🥰
@christinamorales68872 жыл бұрын
Narcissistic boss is an emotional vampire and get away from the ASAP
@christinamorales68872 жыл бұрын
Narcissistic boss is a abuser and get away from them