What strategies have helped you cope with your narcissistic boss?

Never underestimate the power of documentation. ✨

My advice, leave... leave and don't look back.

I refuse to be manipulated, so I absolutely won’t be making it all about them. I see right through the BS.

This is so true! My boss is a narcissist and working with him is hell of earth. He has made work completely unbearable. I consider him to be an emotional terrorist. With him it is always a monologue (only he is allowed to talk, you are not even permitted to respond at all, since he just hates it), never a dialogue. He is short-tempered and is quick to lash out on people. After he shouts at you, he never admits his wrong-doing, but puts the blame on you by saying you have made him do it. He gaslights people all the time. He has 0 empathy and actually blames you for being sick when you are on a sick leave! When he makes mistakes, he blames others for them, but never himself. He has a grandiosity complex, and really views himself as better than anybody else. In his mind, he is always right and just cannot be wrong. period. He views his employees not as people, but as objects, and treats them as such. He has 0 appreciation for all the great work you do and is incapable of praising you. He is jealous of his own employees' success. He is a hypocrite, since the rules which apply to others do not apply to him. He is completely incapable of either giving or receiving constructive criticism. He only likes yes-people, the enablers who kiss his a*, if you are not one of them, he is going to put you down each time he gets a chance to, making you miserable. His micromanagement is just awful. Honestly, I can go on and on. In short, working with such a narcissistic boss is extremely damaging to one's emotional and physical health, and I would advise anybody to get out of such a work place as soon as possible!!!!!!!!!

A narcissist just wants to watch the world burn. It's hard enough to have one as a colleague but as a boss? No way. Just leave.

Narcissist bosses also are surrounded by sycophants who are in a symbiotic relationship with the narcisssist bosses. This keeps the game going as long as there are some saps who are going to be doing all the work and problem solving, but who just do it without knowing how to play the game. These symbiotic relationships are filled with a ton of insecurity, and that insecurity can be their undoing, if you are willing to keep them in the dark while you get enough knowledge and expertise that they can no longer do without you saving their behinds. That is the time to break their symbiotic clique and pick them off as they start throwing each other curbside.

As soon as you realise you are dealing with a narc get another job. In the meantime grey rock as much as you can, file note all conversations and don’t meet with them alone.

Lifting up a narcissist is one of the worst things that you can ever do.

I’m getting stressed by just listening to this and remembering I have to go back to work on Mondays Tuesdays Wednesdays Thursdays and Fridays. And having a narcissistic husband and mother too. I’ve been sick the last 25 yrs.

This is why when you run a company, it's always about the results, not the ego

Tip 5 - Exit Strategy - I’m currently there.

There is no stigma a narcissist is concerned about bc they'll never admit they have a problem. In their eyes, they are perfect. There's no reason they'd want to seek help for their narcissism.

Framing everything in terms of how something will benefit them - genius! I can't tell you how many times I brought something to my narc boss' attention or asked him something and his response was 'What's in it for me?'

Thank you so much, I finally know I'm not the problem!

Yes, I had a narcissistic boss. He was older than me by 3 years, went to high school together. Bowled in a league together. He always teased me, demeaning me. I'd tell a joke and he wouldn't laugh, but then a month later he was telling everyone the joke I had told him as if he just made it up. He told me at work, "If you make me look good, I will make you look good. I had a target of 2 implemented "continuous improvement" ideas per year. No feedback or communication on my ideas. Finally, the final straw was when I was reprimanded in my annual review and told I wouldn't be getting a raise that year, because I didn't have any improvement ideas. When I did. I made note how every employee's ideas were implemented after they left the company. I was so naive. Wasted 9 years of my life. I thought he was my friend, but he took credit for my ideas and work.

Document and report to HR! I sure did!

1. "Making the narc the center". Kind of. It was EXACTLY what my narc manager wanted from the beginning, but it was an exhausting, unquenchable, goose-chase, that made me smaller and smaller every day. I have found Gray Rocking them as much as possible worked better for my own mental health. 2. "Think Critically". Yes. You don't actually exist as a real person to them, and they are going to treat you like an obstacle in a video game that is there for them to manipulate to their personal benefit. If you allow them to have any power over you, they will completely take over your career... and if they feel threatened by your skills/talent/etc, they will guide you the wrong direction so that they devalue you. 3. "Depersonalize". YES! You can't plead, explain, convince, persuade anything to a narcissist. They may not even understand the words THEY are using, and just repeat jargon that sounds good. Your goal should be to be INTERNALLY HEALTHY when faced with narcissists. Eat healthy, drink healthy, exercise, meditate, go to therapy, do your work the way YOU KNOW is the right way, and keep your eyes on your own goals. 4. "Know their limitations". Their lack of empathy is both their superpower, and their weakness. They are only pretending to be a real person. They have a somewhat cartoonish vision of what being a boss means, and they got into that position by lying their way up a ladder. They are wildly insecure and will do everything their power to destroy anyone they perceive as a threat to their fantasy world. Gray Rock, Gray Rock, Gray Rock. 5. "Have an exit strategy". YES! They will never change authentically, but they will flip between ingratiating behavior and alienating behavior rapidly. They climbed their ladder by being ingratiating to people above them, even if they want to overthrow them. The narcissist will become ingratiating to you when they feel like they are losing you. This will happen if you start gray rocking them. Once you open back up they will start alienating you again to your face. Both their ingratiating behavior AND their alienating behavior IS part of their ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR. Yes... even when they are being nice it is manipulative and abusive. After feeling trapped by a narcissist boss at work, you will always keep your resume updated, and likely apply/interview for jobs as practice... even jobs you don't even want. A narcissist will drain you of your passion and motivation. They will age you in their trap. Always be navigating away from them.

Narcissists also has tendency to hack your devices and listen to your private conversation, use that information against you as if you requested them to do so, hence adding to their own confusion and creating problems for you.

Our narcissistic boss, isn't even our boss, he's got a senior position on the team but not a leadership role, that doesn't stop him from bossing everyone around. Everybody hates that guy, I heard that before I joined at least 2 people left because of him. Several people complained about his abusive behavior to HR but they refuse to do anything about it, they keep making excuses for him. Our actual manager doesn't care, he only comes to work to relax so he is happy for someone else to do his job for him, even poorly.

I refuse to bow down to my narc boss anymore. It didn't make him treat me better anyway, just less worse. I'm done covering up his lies, mistakes, and ineptness. I'm trying to get out because no one deserves the daily nasty attitude, manipulation, and gaslighting daily. I'm mentally and physically exhausting from having to be around him daily. He believes he does no wrong and it's always someone else's fault and responsibility. Regarding giving them empathy? No, not anymore. I kept giving emotional energy and it just keeps getting worse at my workplace. I don't think we should give empathy and energy when they do not and will not give us any. It only hurts us to give and give with zero acknowledgement or hint of reciprocation.

Thank you! This is incredibly helpful advice. I will be forming my exit strategy.

Or just leave.. If you can't leave because you can't afford to, then cut your spending. It's times like this that made me reevaluate my spending habits. Once I did that I did leave. Have that emergency fund put together and it will give you a lot of power. Power to walk away and have the energy to slowly find the right job. It's hard to imagine but you can do it.

This video was exceedingly helpful. I have had trouble with a boss in construction for a several years. I could not put our interactions into proper perspective until seeing information regarding narcissists, this video being an excellent example. Thank you.

I think learning about the dark triad helps here a lot, a Machiavellian is very different to a narcissist and both are very common in management (well not very, I would say maybe 3 in 100, most people are normal and do their best) A Machiavellian will gaslight you much more than a narcissist and his goal is to see you damaged, a narcissist just doesn't care either way (and is much more common) with a narcissist a win win will work just fine and is much easier to deal with. A Machiavellian is a nightmare, he doesn't just want to win, he wants you to lose. And a psychopath doesn't even care if he wins, he just wants you to lose I think those are very very rare. Narcissistic people are the most common of the triad and most common in a work place and the easiest (just make them think you winning makes them look good, Chad yourself, or make them look like an extension of them until you can escape) a Machiavellian you should run from and a psychopath, call the police then run run run.

Narcissists don't care about stigma associated with getting help because as a narcissist, they believe they're perfect. So why would they get help for something they don't see as a problem? Narcissists' self awareness level is very low.

Thank you so much for this video! It came as a gift at a very difficult moment in my life. I work as a manager at a high end restaurant. The owner-my boss, is exactly the type of person you describe. He fits 100% the profile of a narcissist. He does every single thing that you mentioned. Furthermore, he is also extremely devious, toxic and manipulative (unless all 3 fall under the narcissist profile). I feel like I am under siege all the time. I have thought about quitting several times. I just feel that I need to find another job first, so I retain an income. But seriously, I don't think I can take his lunacy anymore... Peace from Greece!

I wish I had watched a few years ago, this is great advice. Thank you I now have a new career, and will know what to do next time.

Spot on advice!!

In my experience, it sucks and you gotta swallow your pride, but feed them that sweet sweet narcissistic supply they crave so much, while also keeping your distance. Make them look good e.g., praise their managerial style in front of others, and don’t rely on them for validation of your performance. Don’t take their outbursts personally.

No, I'm not taking any plea bargains when I'm not a fault. It won't end well for you. Don't play there game.

My friend's narcissistic boss said to them, "I'm going to f'ck you up. I had six sisters, so I know how to do it and I'm going to do it to you."

This lady Has a narcissistic way of dealing with Narcissists!

I have this one supervisor who ran me out of one department , thereafter, managed to run me out of the second department. The third department, where I am at currently, she is no longer my supervisor. But….she is always checking on me and piles work for me to do. My now supervisor is weak. She lets this bully give me orders. Now, my third department crew is like, WTH, this woman is out of control. So, when she tells me this and that has to be done, I give her the dullest “okay” without looking at her. She walks away mimicking my “okay” It’s hilarious.

I’m so glad you posted this

Can anyone tell me how a narcissist can possibly succeed in corporate America? Don't they have a boss as well? Don't they apply their own manipulative style to their boss?

I just love the ones that proudly tout their creds and experience. I told one boss, going out the door; "Yeah, well, EJ Smith had 40 years experience. He ignored ice warnings, wanting to break records and make the stockholders happy. 1500 people died because of his experience."

I’m waiting on a very lucrative position with the government, and I’m currently in a place where the boss is without a doubt a narcissist. My whole team has been working to get him fired as he’s blatantly disregarded policies in place. He loves to retaliate when anyone does what he doesn’t want them to do, making excuses about things, lying about him not being late when he’s late every day, etc. How does one deal with the retaliation of the boss? I’ve done everything very covertly to let higher management know what’s going on without him getting wind of what’s going on.

Excellent, I'm going through this right now and I almost quit but I need some work done on my car and if I quit right now I will be cutting off my own arm to spite my face... So I've decided to stay until I go back to school, or leave if it finally gets too unbearable.

Once you have a narcissistic boss just throw the whole job away. I was fired by a narcissistic owner of a small business. It’s not your job to fixed them nor should you stay 💯

These tips are quite helpful. Thank you!

What if you leave, only to find another narcissist at your NEW job??😮

LEAVE. GET OUT

resign. if they are your boss you cannot challenge them. leave immediately.

So I knew my boss before she was my boss she is a family member of a close close person in my life and I thought that my boss would be wonderful to work for. Because my job at the time was dissolving my current boss asked me to come to work for her which I thought was wonderful. In the beginning she mentioned that there had been 15 people in my position which was a big red flag I have to admit. Her boss is her son she cannot stand up to him she allows him to verbally belittle her she gets angry and then she comes back to our department and takes it out on us. Well I'll accept her flying monkeys. My boss doesn't understand what we do and she makes up rules and changes them constantly she tightly controls information and controls everything we do. She will call you into the office demand to know why you did something and then as you try to explain to her why you did it she cuts you off and she won't let you finish. I've upped my antidepressants and I'm not crying in the office any longer. Wow that really helped for me to get that out there!

All of this is my Boss and she happens to be the Mayor of our small town.

Don’t like giving you praise

the best strategy how to deal with a narcissistic manager is to start working on an exit plan. our lives are already busy and hard enough without having to deal with someone who's hindering our career.

I pity them for being so ignorant that the world doesnt revolve around them..they have already decided wether they like u or not depending on ur nationalitiy... imagine being narcissist n racist ...what a sad life they have.

Has anyone tried a HR complaint or better a lawsuit for mental anguish?

Great advice!

It is not ok it is never ok

How? Don’t. Move on ASAP

What causes a person to become a narcissist? Just curious? 🤷‍♀️

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Narcissistic boss is an emotional vampire and get away from the ASAP

Narcissistic boss is a abuser and get away from them