I suffer from this disorder. My opinion is that only people with this disorder can actually understand the disorder and how others suffer from it. That’s a problem because we usually aren’t able to get the training, due to our fear. Yet here you are helping others like myself with this disorder.

As someone who also suffers AVPD, just wanna say I admire the courage you have coming on here to talk about it. Also really resonate with what you said about how no one understands and how the psychiatric and medical community really can't help with it, and how its very understudied. KEEP IT UP!

thank you, it's so hard to find people talk about this disorder who aren't doctors.

Thanks so much for sharing. I am a psychiatry resident and It is so helpful to hear this. Not only are you connecting with others who feel similar but you're helping someone like myself who is trying to ensure there is less misdiagnosis and more careful attention is made towards people who seek therapy or help rom Psychiatrists or Psychologists. I look forward to hearing more about your experiences if you feel comfortable!

I've been suspecting that I have AvPD lately. My whole life I've felt inferior, incapable, extremely shy, lonely, invisible, unwanted, etc. I thought it was social anxiety and I tried CBT on my own with an online program. It helped my anxiety but now that I'm in a relationship I'm realizing it's not just anxiety and it affects every area of my life. I avoid conflict at all costs. I haven't had a job since 2019 and before that, it was just seasonal work. Thanks for sharing these videos! No one talks about this. I have my first therapy session this week and I'm nervous. It's taken me 39 years to go and finally get some kind of label so I know what I'm dealing with. Although, I'm pretty sure it's high functioning AvPD and/or maybe rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

This was very helpful hearing you talk as a person with this disorder rather than as an expert who is saying I need to change. After years of therapy including cognitive behavior therapy, I am coming to the conclusion that I could be happy if I don’t try to fit in and just do what makes me feel good. I’m sick of people saying I need to get out more and socialize. It’s really just too stressful for me. Thanks for your help and honesty and keep up the good work. You do not appear disheveled and that was not helpful for her to tell you that.

I find your videos very honest and relatable. You're helping a lot of people here, thank you!

Keep posting videos. These were super helpful and created some good insight for me. I've been looking into AvPD for about a year and you do a good job of bringing all the info together in a linear way. Thanks for sharing.

There is an "ego-syntonic" quality to the personality disorders. That's to say, the dysfunction is in harmony with the person's view of himself. A narcissist doesn't say: "Please help me -- I hate feeling that I'm perfect." An antisocial personality doesn't say: "Please help me -- I wish I had a conscience." A dependent personality doesn't say: "I sure wish I wanted to be independent and make my own decisions." A borderline doesn't say: "No -- it's NOT immature to rip my hair out if you cancel a lunch date." Avoidant Personality is a bit more obscure: It can be difficult to grasp the self-complacent aspect of it, the part that says: "I'm comfortable feeling reluctant to get involved with people," or "I'm OK with feeling socially inept and inferior." But the person will feel "right" about these deficits. Jake is right that one doesn't need a full psych eval to diagnose a personality disorder. I've handed the DSM to different personality disordered clients. They've read the basic symptom list and said: "Yep. That's me." It's not terribly difficult to diagnose oneself.

Thank you so much for your help. It means a lot to me🙏🙏🙏

I really appreciate your videos

Jake, I am glad you did this. I plan to watch your video about your history and upbringing. (Parents, ect) This video is very helpful to hear your feelings about the process and the diagnosis too. Don't worry. This is great and you are doing a good job. I watched the video about your life story today and it was a very good video.

Very articulate well done very helpful & inciteful keep going if you can but much love if you can't x

Hey, I just found your channel and it's really comforting to hear and relate to a lot of what you mention. I have also been diagnosed with AVPD, I'm 27, female, from the UK. It's very interesting to hear about how you experience the disorder, especially from somewhere else in the world. Thanks for posting this video. :)

In your last video when you described the DREAD.PANIC.SHAME cycle, that really hit home. It seems like every experience I have in life, negative or positive, follows that cycle. Thanks for speaking out.

A Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Therapist could positively help you. Also look into DBT: Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. It is not just for Borderlines. Inner Child work is also VERY helpful

thank you for posting this and shedding some light on what it's like. I got diagnosed with AvPD about 3 years ago (it's a long story that I don't really want to get into). I'd never even heard of this disorder before (and on top of it, the psychologist didn't even tell me; I read it off a note that he gave to another doctor), but once I looked into the symptoms/traits of AvPD, it all made sense (well, except the part of not even being told my diagnosis; that still pisses me off). If I had one thing to say about therapy, it would be that therapists are a lot like sports teams: 1 or 2 are amazing & know how to get the best out of their clients; a bunch of them are just "there" to look like they know what they're doing; and the rest of them just flat-out don't have a clue. yes, I'm a cynic lol. If I had *two* things to say about therapy, then I'd also say that it's helpful to have some idea of what you want out of it, and if you're therapist is worth a damn, (s)he can help you achieve that. When I first started going to counseling in my teens, all I knew that I wanted was to "feel better"... those two words are so vague on their own that they don't really mean anything (it also didn't help that those "mental health professionals" only did two things: prescribed medication that made things worse, and blew smoke up my ass). Now that I'm in my mid-to-late 30s, with a proper diagnosis, I can pinpoint certain problems that I can actually address. "I feel overwhelmed when trying to approach people I don't know/keep a conversation going with someone new. what are some ways I can deal with that?" "When I have the chance to get closer to someone I really care about, I start to get panic attacks. What's causing this? how can I counter that intense feeling? Will intimate relationships always be this difficult? Or is this just a growing pain that will be easier to manage over time?" "I hate dealing with conflict with other people, no matter how inevitable it is. is there a healthy way to handle certain situations without feeling like I'm having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown?" "I'm having trouble staying motivated, and have always struggled with motivation to do things, even things that benefit my overall well-being. How can I stay motivated, even when my conscience is telling me to be lazy? If I do stay motivated, how can I tell when I need to rest (without overdoing it, of course)?" "I noticed my self-talk at work is very negative & harsh, and sometimes it comes out as sarcastic quips at my coworkers. I don't mean it to be mean-spirited, but I can be rather insulting sometimes, and I know it rubs some people the wrong way. Is there something deeper at the root of this negative self-talk? What fuels it? Is there a way to make this self-talk more *con*structive than *de*structive?" These are just a few personal examples. I've discovered a lot about myself over the years, but I've found that trying to do this all on my own, with no outside help from anyone, takes a lot more time for a lot less gain. Being able to grow alongside someone else can make a huge difference; that is, as long as the both of you know what page you're on. I've had a lot of shitty therapists, and a couple damn good ones, and if you can find the right therapist with the right know-how, it can make all the difference. at least that's my opinion, anyway 🤷

Thanks for sharing Jake. Your experiences and perspective is valuable, no matter how it is delivered. We as the human race need each and everyone and their unique story to help each other feel not alone and understood. I found your insights to be intelligent, thoughtful, and thought provoking. Keep up the good work. Thanks again!

Dr. Kirk Honda did a deep dive on AVPD on his podcast Psychology in Seattle. Was hours long and very validating to hear a professional do so much research and take the time to explain. Thanks to you too!

Very interested to hear your journey. I do get the sense that people scoff at self-diagnosis, even it's clear to you that you have the symptoms. Also, if a person has a psych disorder and doesn't get an "official" diagnosis, they can't get accommodations at school or work. On the other hand, once you have a diagnosis, that might increase the pressure on you to "cure" yourself. BTW, your video was just fine--straightforward and to the point. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing 🙏

I look forward to the video where you discuss the meds you've tried. It's unfortunate that a personality disorder really can't be managed with a medication. However, anxiety certainly can, and it surprised me that you didn't have any success with the five you tried. I'm still aware of my hesitation to live life more similar to "normal" people. But I don't have the anxiety with my Paxil and it is very useful for my depression. I do not think you were negative explaining the testing . You had already self=diagnosed ... so it must have been a bit of a let down to spend all that money and not get any insight. For myself, finding out I had an actual disorder and how I most likely developed it was invaluable. Keep up the good work. Cheers!

It took my clinical psychotherapist years to land on the diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder because it was hard to tell if I actually WANTED friends or not. I personally have found therapy useful, but I know treatment is not one size fits all, even for people who have the same diagnosis.

Thanks for your courage to speak! My Ex love suffers from that disorder, and I can imagine how hard it is to speak for you! I didn't know about his problems until it was too late, I just didn't get him and in hard times I felt completely left alone even though he always was "saying" he wants to be there. It's hard to explain. He is so helpful, physically! But I didn't get a true connection when it came to feelings wich is disturbing and frightening for a woman. I was afraid to trust him fully emotionally because I had hard times with him in the beginning and after that myself went through very tough times. He often was to a degree "paranoid" about me lying to him, it even became a self-fulfilling prophecy because with little things, I thought would hurt him but had nothing to do with our relationship or my deep and honest feelings for him I thought it would make him more insecure than help our relationship when I tell him, wich was wrong (for example signing a contract with the guy I had before him about something unpleasant). I always tried to kind of protect him like a child instinctively wich was wrong (did it unconsciously). Then it came all out and he felt confirmed in his suspect about "almost everything" then, wich was in fact BS because I was talking openly and honestly to him. He for example wanted me to prove things I said, wich hurt me so much, how much he distrusted me although I thought I had given him everything, my life and love, forever, so to say and wanted to build a home with him during the years, wich was mostly on me because he was unemployed. If I had known about his problems my life had gone another way with him, because I loved him so much and with all my heart. But he decided to close himself. I guess due to my lack of understanding his condition and going into a lone fighter mode (me AND he I guess). Today I guess he was never fully committed to me, but never spoke out about this. He said it sometimes but then he needed this or that from me to "imagine it going further". He always said that in such a sweet and insecure way, but it felt so brutal. I lived in permanent fear of his rejection, wich became a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. As a lone fighter I went beyond my powers. He still doesn't know what's up with him I guess.... I wish I could help him now. I care about him a lot. I was ready for a psychotherapist myself in this relationship (no critique about him, its just, one has to understand what's going on otherwise you will question yourself in an unhealthy way) and talked about him for hours..my psychotherapist came up with this diagnosis for him, wich is risky but when you know someone for so long it's clear to you when you are brought on the right path by a psychotherapist... I wish you all the best... I hope you don't read my text about how it felt to be in a relationship with someone with avdp as offensive or so...you all DESERVE the love that is given to you...but its so hard to feel it, right....?

I love your cynicism towards psychiatry (don't know if that was the intention, if not I apologize). I've been in treatment for over 4 years, with different doctors, and none of them got me right, coming to the point where I've been sort of abused psychologically by one and finally had enough. I've left my therapist and the only reason I didn't cancel with my psychiatrist yet is because I finally discovered AvPD and I think it's what I actually have. It explains a lot. I think I'll talk to him about this and then either give up on treatment altogether or try group therapy. The only types of people I can ever manage to feel a least a single bit comfortable with are other mentally ill folks haha there's less judgment with them, so maybe it could work. I am a bit scared of the IQ test though, my intelligence is one of my main insecurities, so that'll be fun. I also don't have many reasons to get the diagnosis, apart from the foolish hope that it'll help people understand me, and also because I'm a very curious overthinker. Thank you for the videos. I'm also a bit more on the low-functioning side of things, I believe. I'm 23 years old and never had a job, currently on the process of dropping out of uni for the second time, yay!

Thank you for making your videos Jake! Interesting to hear how the process went. When I look at you I just hear and see an incredibly smart and capable person... it makes me sad to hear how much trouble you experience from your disorder. The disheveled remark is really strange by the way. You probably broke the IQ test and that's why she wanted revenge :') In al seriousness, I am looking forward to your next video. I suspect I have AvPD and am doubting whether to get tested. I come from a different country than you (Netherlands) so the system is very different. I think it is even costless to get tested which is just unfair. Would be interesting to see how the process here compares to yours. I also read things about group therapy. Doesn't that just sound like absolute hell? Have you ever considered trying that? I wish you a nice day!

Thanks for making this video. You’ve kind of confirmed that I probably don’t need an official diagnosis for this, since there’s not much that can be done about it. I’m extremely self aware. The moment I heard about AvPD things started going off in my brain. It explains so much. I can relate to your cynicism about these professionals also. The few psychologists that I’ve spoken to in life were very unhelpful. I was once told to go to church to work on my self esteem 🤷‍♀️

I grew up in a high demand religion around people who loved to gossip. I simply learned to build up walls around myself, not let anyone in on my worries, fears, and struggles out of fear that that information would somehow be used against me. Luckily, I found a job where I don't really have to deal with people, and I rarely have to interact with my supervisors. When I finally decided to talk to a psychologist, he said he doesn't like to diagnose people. I don't know if I have it or not, but out of all the mental health clips, I have watched on KZfaq, I related to nearly every symptom of Avoidant Personality disorder.

This was very helpful. I just started therapy and I’m not sure how to bring this up to my therapist.

Hey, your videos have helped me a lot. I never really thought of AvPD in terms of high-low functioning. What do think constitutes low functioning? Because I think I am low functioning

What about fantcies of APD? I really relate to what your saying please keep it coming

Hey, so I’ve been doing a lot of research on AVPD, because I believe I have it as well. And maybe even have dependent and paranoia personality disorder as well. But I was recently diagnosed with inattentive adhd. I was wondering if you think you could possibly have this as well?

Thank you for sharing. It is not a lot of information about this diagnosis. Considering that this might be the most common personality disorder and also have a lot of silent suffering it is a bit odd. Do you think it is good for your family and relatives to know about your AVPD? Or is it still hard to explain - the name of the personality disorder is a bit odd and I do not think it is as well known as e.g. bipolar disorder, autism spectre disorder or ADHD?

Not to mention a lot of psychologists get into the field because of their own family or their own mental health issues so you have to take that into account into accounts you don't even know if they're on their own 15 meds or not

I feel like I'm chasing a goddamn unicorn.. I'm 34 years old.. A female.. Been seeing different professionals since age nine.. I was told that my social anxiety and depression would all get better after my teenage years.. The opposite happened.. I've never been this anxious, I'm popping benzodiazepines because the SSRIs never helped me. At 20 or so I started wondering whether it could be aspergers but after talking to "aspies" I couldn't really relate to what they were saying.. I don't stim, I don't have a peculiar special interest like idk, train schedules or dinosaurs. I do understand jokes and sarcasm. I do know when the other person is getting bored etc. I have some traits but I don't truly think I'm autistic, I'm not even a picky eater, just allergic to certain things like eggs and fish for example. I have taken the BPD borderline self-assessment test because that has been discussed before, I always get a very very low score.. I don't try and get into relationships, I hate first dates, I'm not even into seggsual relationships.. Somewhere on the asexual spectrum even if I'm not fully ace. I'm definitely NOT a histrionic. I feel paranoid around people because I simply do not trust them, not like "would they cheat on me" more like.. I just can't deal with even more heartache and anxiety and I see others in a pessimistic light I guess. I think I'm fairly pretty (like 7 out of 10) but also not photogenic at all, I look like crap if I'm not the one taking my own pictures. What is my problem. I do have some identity issues but I think some of it stems from never having any friends.. I never received any proper feedback from others, "you're like this"... Well I did get bullied in school. Im tired of looking for a diagnosis, I'm tired of looking for the right med.. I'm tired of always seeing new faces and getting disappointed..

I honestly think I have this. 😮

That disheveled comment was probably there because they want to also evaluate for schizoid pd, as it's basically adjacent to avoidant on the schizo spectrum. I don't think she meant to be mean

Thanks for your message. Sharing is caring my friend. 🙏🏔️

serious question for you, and anybody else. what about this as a therapy idea. i understand how difficult it is for you to face people, and how you might beat yourself up about your current state in life. as a way of confronting your fear of people, why not have a series of short meaningless interactions with people in a low consequence situtraion. what about doing 2-3 hours of door dash before your therapy session? you could prepare yourself a priori that there are a lot of types of people our there, and you doh't have to please them. could you try that out and then sit through a therapy session directly thereafter for some discussion of how it went?

Wait, did my gym/healthy foods advice get deleted here?, what the hell.

Hi Jake - I sent you an email.

Eat meat and veggies cut off sugar and carbs get some marcogreens green drink get some lemon balm herb supplements take 1000 MG magnesium a day drink water And the one thing that helped me is lay down and let the anxiety go it'll be scary pretend your on a roller coaster knowing it'll end its a trip I won't lie but if you feel it move through you it's a trip And when you have anxiety when you're a by yourself the things that make you anxious make yourself do them I used to be afraid to check the mail for fear of bad news from like the IRS or something or answer my phone so I basically forced myself And typically if you know a time when you didn't have anxiety 80 chances are something gave it to you something got you stuck in the flight mode if you can't remember before you had this anxiety cancer possibly it is your personality I know mine came from3 events that happened back-to-back that were just medical that were just medical personal personal and my dog passed away and I lost a pregnancyAnother thing that helps is if you put headphones on and listen to music and go walking or or hiking I used to just put my favorite radio show with the mixed music and go walking it really really helped help like burn off that energy because you're basically running the marathon but not going anywhere inside your body

Maybe people should be avoided. Especially the people deeply woven into society with their big smiling faces. It's truly a madhouse. I would posit that there is no disorder, just taboo wisdom.