Stop pedestalizing the person, look at the situation objectively for what it is, follow strict no-contact, and invest heavily in your overall growth. This, too, shall pass.

I hate the whole "if you weren't hurt by this person you wouldn't have gone through this excellent growth" - growth can happen in loving supportive relationships. Yes, look at the positive if you've been through crap, but don't attribute the good things to the crap things. We shouldn't have to go through the hurt.

Clementine story was precious Audrey is sweet and so on point

It's funny, I watched this to aid in fully letting go of my situationship. But what I needed to hear most was that quote from the boxing coach and that whole story...in addition to the "break up" (can you even call it a break up in a situationship? no matter-), literally every major area of my life has fallen apart dramatically and I feel like I'm trying to climb out of the deepest pit of hell every day. Hearing that quote & story literally made me cry and gave me some hope, so thank you

Loved Audrey's point about the physical & even neurological aspects of love and breakups - that our body has 'recorded' the relationship and it's part of our brain's stimuli-emotion experience. Those first days of knee-jerk 'Oh, I can't wait to tell them..' and then UGH..that sick feeling or even sensation of physical pain. Thinking back to early days after a breakup, it felt like my brain's wiring & associations with him was like a knotted up wad of Christmas lights in my head. ALL the wires and bulbs are so tightly intertwined and it feels like untangling is impossible. But slowly, slowly....and relief does come. Matthew would say 'growth'.. ;)

17:30... if we can just connect the dots and see that person not as a"negative trigger" but as the one you can (secretly) thank for "triggering" your growth, it's actually liberating. You are empowered into the higher self-worth you deserve. 💗

years later i’m so sad 🤦🏻‍♀️😕i’m trying to change the story and let go but something somehow draws me back and i’m so annoyed with myself to the point of hating myself for checking on them

I was addicted to alcohol for many years, which oddly seems very relevant to this conversation. Many times I asked, why me? Why did this happen to me? But now, 9 yrs later, I am so thankful. Those years of being a slave to a substance (somewhat like being a slave to your feelings for an ex) taught me unparalleled empathy for others. I care so much for the well-being of others now, I'm so much less judgemental and so much more accepting and loving. I wouldn't change any of it. I actually really really like who I am, I like that I have a new way to connect with others❤

I'm having a hard time finding the positive in the pain. I'm not sure anything amazing can come out of this for me. Those words are comforting, but I don't feel realistic for me at this phase so early in the break up.

I find your tips work with friends too, they can also leave you after years of being a friend.

I like listening to Matt and some of the things he says make a lot of sense. Still, they make sense mostly for 20-somethings getting over a breakup. How can you block your ex when you need to co-parent? When they have a new family and your kids need to fit in somehow? All the logistics? You cannot block this person for at least 18 years, if you want your kids to have their other parent. You have to be civil with the person who has hurt you the most, for 18 years. There is no forgetting. No moving on. It's in your face every day. Blocking someone on the internet is easy. Blocking them from your life when you need to communicate effectively with them every single day is not.

Absolutely sabotaged by a clementine. Brutal....

Its been almost 4 months. I can’t stop thinking about this person on a daily basis, it feels overwhelming, exhausting and repetitive. The gut dropping feeling just won’t go

Thank you! Please create more content like this 🙏I have an ex (1st love) of 27 yrs and I still have love for him. We are distant friends. At one point he wanted to meet up with me; yet I couldn't bring myself to see him because he wants much more from me. He broke my heart💔 back in 1997 and he says he has been heartbroken ever since. He says he keeps looking for me in other women and he can't find another me 😢 I live 6 hrs away and have ran into him twice for about 5 minutes. He is now a severe drug addict and that breaks my heart 💔 The first time I saw him I was so shocked that I could barely speak. I was so angry at myself that I didnt give him a hug, so when I saw him 18 months later that is the 1st thing I did. I wish I could be his friend, a real friend 😢 but I know he wants more and I don't want to hurt him. I've had a life partner for18 years and I'm not about to hurt him; he's the one I'm in love with. My life partner is aware of this situation, I don't hide anything from him. He was there when I hugged my ex. My ex looks like a walking skeleton😢 Thank you for this topic.

OMGSH thank you! Audrey, it soothed my soul and made me exhale all blame when you explained the untangling of neuro pathways and how that's a process and a beautiful sign of our ability to bond. And Matthew, thanks for saying healing is not one and done or a binary...helps me release guilt and annoyance with myself when I have moments of missing him and our past life. What an awesome idea to change the name. I paused the video and changed it to a (maybe ridiculously long-winded) 'You deserve someone who wants you strongly, clearly, warmly, daily, forever. This person is no longer a romantic option.' 😂 My brain knows that, but you're right, my brain also still gets warm fuzzies at the shape of the letters of his name. I WILL integrate, I WILL move on. I've done it before and I can again 💪 But thanks for reminding me to be gentle. I might have slowed my own detachment process bc I saw my ex as friend in our friend group for over a year, regularly. A few months ago he asked to take space and have no contact for at least 6 months. I was grief stricken at first (bc it meant losing some interactions with the group and losing an activity with them I did regularly), but I'm adjusting and finding new ways to see our mutual friends, and realizing he's prob right and this will be good for me too. But darn it my brain goes haywire when someone disappears - it feels like a second rejection and I've re-set the clock a little on healing. I'm struggling bc I love his family too (lived with them) and it's hard to, say, not be invited to their Fourth of July party today. We didn't end angrily, he just didn't love me enough to move towards engagement, and it's a loss I'm working through. But this will be better and I will get there ❤ And as much as it hurts, grieving a life I lived with him, his family, and his friends, it means I'm capable of bonding and can do it again. (And just so no one feels too badly for me lol, I do have my own friend group and am seeing them today. 🎆) Love to all you brave strong people out there in this world trying to find your forever partners, and who need to start over (I'm almost 36) ❤ We will be okay and we will tell a story of our resilience decades hence

I dove deeper into self-development & blossomed as a result of this pain. I have a new standard now to never settle again for less dignity & respect than I deserve. You're right! What's going to come from this is amazing, profound & beautiful. Thank you so much!

A month since I cut it off with my ex from 4 years ago. So proud of myself for finally doing so, and so disappointed at myself for letting it go on for so long and let it rob me of my peace of mind.

Love all of Audrey’s points in this episode. Really needed to hear they. I think we all need to remember to not be so harsh on ourselves when trying to get over our exes. Thank you so much for making an episode on this topic.

אני מיואש. הלב שלי שבור. אני לא מדבר ומבין אנגלית כל כך אבל מהקצת שמצליח בכל זאת להבין מתנחם... זה עוזר ומחזק לדעת שהרבה אנשים מרגישים את אותו כאב שאתה נמצא בו

SUCH strong words from Martin! Very good video, thank you very much! ❤

Or, he shows up in your dream, and that disturbs your day, and bothers you as to why he was there when you're not doing too bad.

Im kind of listening to the podcast but Im mostly watching and admiring the beautiful connection between you two. Absolutely gorgeous 🥰

Thank you both i love watching listen and take note of your lovely amazing conversations that changes so many lives out there. 🌹🤗❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thank you guys, as i am actually going into a separation from a long period relationship and watching you guys is being like therapy and it is helping me look the process on a different perspective...you are contributing so much during this grieving journey of mine. Thank you so much...

Hit home when you said that maybe it's been 3 years since your breakup... it has been, and was just triggered again yesterday and been wondering about it. Will start a list of all the + things that have come out of the 💔 including my soon to be fiancé.

Great subject and great timing for me, as I am navigating through the ending of a relationship.

Thanks Audrey and Matthew🦋

That was exactly what I needed to hear right now !

Super! Thank you so much to both of you 🙏🏽

I have a question - Is there anyone who did say "no" to their ex who came back, but actually REGRETs for it later in their life, and still wondering the "what if", and is missing them, and secretly want to contact them again, but ego is in the way, and don't know what to do now? Just curious, anyone? Or do I have a special case?? :(

Hahahahahaha bloody little clementine 😂 I remember when my cat made a call on Instagram profile of a person that used to be a friend of mine but we lost connection, and she answered! That was so awkward, insane, and embarrassing at the same time. I actually tried to explain that my cat called her and it was ridiculous when I heard myself what I said!! 😅

going to buy a clementine just to verify if its segment is actually going to “like” a post by dropping it on my phones screen🏃🏼‍♀️💕

Love this. I use IGNORE for the contact change.

I really needed this. Thank you ❤

Love the clementine story!

just rewatched the Wim Hof adventure you had with the lads ~ someone that “sounds intelligent” ~ This has come up in my feed now. 🇦🇺☀️🏄‍♂️💦🙏🏼🧘‍♂️🎶🥶🌟

You guys are Brilliant Thank you 😊

Needed one❤

I changed it’s name to Gaslighter

"..and Audrey Hussey". How cute! Congratulations!

So so true.... Everything!

The clementine story cracked me up in the midst of crying 😂

We’re so lucky for Matthew sharing this content. And Martin Snow is the coach we all want in our lives 🥹

You need to make a choice. You either continue to let yourself be hurt by this person constantly or you find someone else.

I really need some help talking about addiction in relationships. I recently found someone I was pretty compatible with and he had a loss in the family and relapsed. He’s in rehab now but it’s been more time in recovery than in the relationship. How do I know when to move on or what to do as far as boundaries with drug use in a relationship minor or major? I know that most relationships go through this at one point or another and most people please and thank you for your help. You guys are amazing to watch. You’ve changed my life. You help me find the love of my life and now I don’t know what to do if I should let go

What I did in my situationship....it wasn't even a relationship, is think about what is it about this person that I loved soo much. I wrote down characteristics like being confifent to go for what they want or funny. Then I started asking myself if anu of those characteristics I was not giving to myself. I apparanytly was not letting myself live a life that was phenominal for my inner child . Also, it is okay to let yourself feel out all the ways you loved them and then all the pain of thr relationship you never got. Suppressing emotion stops you from truelly healing. Pick something you always wanted to do that you can make steps to and do it to start your new life.

This is going to be good

Don't worry you got this ❤

1. Do not tell yourself a hypothetical story of how you can’t get out of your ex 2. When trigger happens turn it into a positive by connecting with good things happened bcz of that break up 3. Don’t follow to thought by stoping to go with flow of your mind

think of "i did/do like him, but ...", makes it more acceptable feeling & easier to pass the thought off

Absolutely excellent video. I needed this so much. Thank you! ❤

Almost 3 years out from the breakup and I still get sad sometimes but I guess it’s part of the process

Mine would be narcissistic, but I have to still work for him so I’ll have to leave his name as is

Broke up with my ex of 20years last March..he got a child with another woman he met less than a year ago!! I am hurt but it gets better. I sent him packing. A few days ago he knocked on my door and I looked at him with no emotions through the glass....I didn't feel any emotions...my daughter started crying but it is what it is...I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT HE WANTED!!!! I wish I could read his mind...the super NARC!!

See, my situation was a little different. We had been dating for 3 months, and I told her I needed to work on myself. (I genuinely did, and still am.) I then realized, that she never really cared about me after all. Which really really sucks because I truly “loved” her. Whenever I told her I was leaving, I starting bawling because I didn’t want to. But, I was in such a bad mental place and it was honestly do or die. That’s how bad it got. So, now it just feels like I lost apart of me and she didn’t even care.

What if you can't see any growth/good past, present or future.to come from the situation? What is 'growth' anyway? What if nothing comes into your life to take that place, nothing 'amazing' happens?

I am reading the comments below I don’t get how people can get over someone been together for 10 years my bf and I have been together after he asked me to marry him on and off and then ghosts me and then idk why he ups and down like that wtf I don’t understand after everything we been through

But, Matthew, some of us are unable to develop and grow and build success into our lives. Some of us continue to struggle, despite therapy, and wish we could return to the loving state we shared with this person, who still reaches out from time to time, sprinkling hope with shallow promises, but no real intention or follow-up. It has happened three times after the original break-up; the third time, though, I could clearly see he is using me, and thought, how is this ok? To borrow a phrase from you, Matthew, the behavior “is not interesting to me”, and dims my desire to pine for reconciliation when he clearly doesn’t wish it, because what he says doesn’t match his actions. I’m trying (again) to go back to school to better my life, but struggling to find my path, and there remains the faintest glimmer in one of his statements: that if we are both single in ten years, we could be together. But, what about all the time in between? What about all the loving we’ll miss? And, do I really want to be someone’s absolute last choice? No.

is your subsequent behaviour to your advantage or disadvantage upon the "trigger" is what matters. Not how you feel about it.

I have experienced massive transformation after my last breakup and I know that this would not have happend without the pain and suffering I had experienced in the relationship. So the next question is how gratefuI should feel towards my (avoidant) ex? I am grateful of the experience but it seems inadequate to me feeling grateful towards him having treated me badly. Where is the line between the person and the experience? This is truly a question that I am asking myself.

I changed his name to “Cad” and then “Scoundrel”. He fancied himself a Mr Darcy, I consider him a Mr Wickham, so this was apt.

I am in a relationship and I still get triggered by my ex when I see a group photo with him inside or IG keeps recommending me to follow him. I did follow him before IG, but he removed me! Anyways it's not like I still want to be with him because I have moved on with someone else. But it was just someone who meant something to me at the time because what we had was good I thought.

Why would you even keep their phone number? It's done. Delete the number and move on. If you still have their number then you're still hoping to get back together. It doesn't help you move on.

Out of sight, out of mind.😂

Absolutely nothing good is coming from my pain.

Firstly I have to say that I absolutely appreciate your content immensely. I was just wondering if the advice that you give applicable to both male and females. The reason I ask is that I’ve seen lots of your work with women online so I was just wondering. Watching to your videos is really been helping me deal with a very painful break up that I’ve just had. Thank you so much for your channel and its content.

As asocial person I have a lot of problems to find a partner. I might even be on spectrum, not sure. So when I finally found the person I could talk to for hours and hours and have great conversations and connection which is super rare for me, I couldn't let go. He wasn't ready for relationship, never will be, but I just kept on pursuing. Finally, after almomst 15 years of my lost youth and possibilities in life, he literally ghosted me and I still suffer. I do try with other people but it's hard when I see that he can be close to others but not to me. I am living the best life I can alone, I take care of stray cats, I have hobbies, job, I date sometimes, but there are times when something reminds me of him and it's still not easy.

I feel like it would have been easier to move on in my situation if there had been cheating. But it was just a prolonged and sad situation, with both us needing to heal or deal with the past. Me dealing with being such a late bloomer and needing to prove something to myself around confidence with women (too much time dwelling on grass is greener thoughts and missed dating opportunities instead of being fully present). And her dealing with an abusive past, which led to extreme behaviour (shut down or hysterical reactions etc). We took too long to let each other go. Was dealing with things ok for several years, but running into her randomly a few times triggered some sort of PTSD in me. I was also irrationally jealous she was with someone else. She eventually broke up with the guy, and one day messaged wanting no strings attached sex. Part of me wanted to, but knew it would be harmful to both of us, so said no. We live in the same city, so every blue moon we cross paths and I get triggered again (am now 52). I don't know whether to move cities or just grow up about it all, and she's in my thoughts almost daily. When you've been so close to someone, I don't know how you can just block it out, even after years have passed.

DONT FOLLOW THE THOUGHT

Say to yourself: "It sucks that I ever met somebody like that but thankfully the experience is over." Remove exposure to the person. Focus on other interests and let time fade your feelings and thoughts of them. Remind yourself of who you were before you ever even met them and choose a better path this time around. A quality life experience over a crap one.

🩵🩵🩵 There needs to be a 4th one. Our relationship with our higher power (God, in my case).

You two need someone to push back on some concepts such as 'bad things always have silver linings' and are for the lesson they provide. Domestic Violence is NOT for the good of tge one being beat. Car accidents that leave a person paralysed are not 'good learning curves'. A child dying from cancer didn't teach mum n dad how to love. When nasty things happen in our lives, we want to find a reason. We want to discover some silver lining. This is a very human urge. The point is to settle the psche and find acceptance that allows us to move into a beautiful experience.

I am having difficulty signing up for your retreat. The confirm button is not working. Any help with this would be great. Thank you.

Hi

So, so, so true precious Audrey and Matthew.

I changed to MPI!! Can you guess?? 😎

💜💜💜

This is why I block the ex I block his phone number, all of the social media that he can find me in he gets blocked.

I tried signing up to the newsletter on that website twice but never received them, not even in my spam folder🤔

1. You've made progress even tho you're trigerred in the moment, cause we used to be wired to that person and there is no binary nature to this, it's all your gradient; 2. Turn your trigger to something positive. Without that pain, you won't be you today! 3. Don't follow your thought, the negative thought.

why do you still have your ex phone number ?

Undoubtedly one of the greatest actors of our time!

❤

Clementine 😂😂😂😂

Best story ever (clementine), Audrey!

Just see no point in not blocking a ex. We shouldnt allow the triggers at all. They are a ex for a reason. Only exception to not blocking is if you share children.

Why I am not getting my 3 relationship email after signing up 😢

just found out today that my ex (we dated for 3.5 years and broke up in april 2024) just got married to the person she left me for, 2 months after the breakup….. a WEEK after their application for a marriage license was submitted (i know bc one of my friends found the literal court document lol) she sent me a message saying that she misses me a lot and feels like an idiot for letting me go. like!!!! wtf!!!!! i’m in shock right now and honestly can’t believe any of this is happening.

I just LOVE Audrey! 💖

Found my soul mate at age 60 was w/ my x ge never lived me bck n forth in n out girl after girl long distance lasted long time to ling yet i gorgave in my heart n finally let go n gav all that live to me self live n then did funsui n made ro n then mediated daily free on joe dispensers 🎤. Of any is good or walk ❤

Triggered talking about triggers 😢

How long u guys think it is normal to get over an 6 month ex?

Why does therapy and dating advice channels think someone being with them for YEARS is a flex?😂 Tell me they met you once they never needed you again ,and I'll be impressed

Why rename the person in your phonebook? Why don’t you just delete it and block it in Matthew I love your work.❤

I could use less of his wife honestly. Just wanna hear from the expert not her bad jokes and interrupting

10 minutes into the video and I haven't heard one word of any help at all on the topic

The fact she still followed an ex on social media 🫣