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No wonder i got absolutely nothing done while living with my parents. They would tell me everything i should do, and the more they told me the less i actually did stuff. Everything, from doing the dishes to going to partys, as soon as they told me it went from an active to a passive challenge in my mind and my motivation would drop below zero.

This is why overbearing parents can be so deadly. They take all your active challenges and make them passive challenges.

That explains why I procrastinate by doing other things instead of solving the main problem.

This channel is like discovering a Demon's Souls guide after dying 150 times in the first area, you wish you had known it all from the start but just thinking how many people will find and be helped by this makes you smile. Thank you for everything Dr K!

It’s like going back and doing a bunch of side quests because the main story boss looks difficult, once we do enough the boss doesn’t seem as difficult and we might get skills that end up helping us in the fight.

I dont have an eating disorder but ive always found that putting more effort into cooking is the first step to getting out of a slump. Going out of my way to make even just pasta for dinner, rather than a pile of granola bars or a microwave meal or ordering out, always gives me a sense of control and agency.

Resonates with the opening of the Serenity Prayer: “Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot control, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”

This is 100% true. For the longest time I felt like I was drowning in a foot of water. I was struggling to do the bare minimum in my life. Things changed once I started challenging myself in things that I was able to control. Changed everything

I was scared to even click on this video because recently I've been so overwhelmed with everything I couldn't add more self awareness to it but still I did click on this video and I'm so glad I did I genuinely feel better and also motivated to tackle everything that's in my way. Thank you Doc, you're an absolutely incredible human being.

Recently I stopped pursuing all active challenges I had to only focus on the massive amount of passive challenges and I've started feeling completely overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed. Maybe this man knows what he's talking about

It feels so good when someone much more knowledgeable than me puts my feelings into words so eloquently. Indeed, taking on more challenges made me feel SO much better: a month and a half ago I started working out. I couldn't work out in the evenings because of social life, so I decided - I have to force myself to go to sleep early to wake up early. Bam, two challenges in one. While I'm working out at home, I have a lot of free time while resting between the sets. So, why waste that time? Bam, done the dishes. Bam, took out the laundry. Workout is done and I still have time to take a shower and take a walk at my own pace (instead of rushing) to my work. Just one good decision led to many other healthy ones. If anybody reads this, heed my words: it takes one small step. One choice. And even if you fail, you still can get up and try again. What matters is that you try - and those who try succeed. Good luck!

Yes, I find that doing something simple with my hands like the dishes, cooking, laundry or gardening helps me process and calm my mind during overwhelming times.

1.Passive challenges:- Occurred by surroundings 2.Active challenges :- You have taken 3.Increase the number of active challenges. 4.Behavioural activation

When I look at my dishes and it feels like it is too hard to do them, then looking at dirty dishes makes you think you are depressed because that's what depressed people do and then when you do the dishes you feel less depressed because you don't have a pile of dishes telling you that you are depressed.

2 minutes in and I already feel the gold that Dr.K has bestowed upon us

That explains why telling yourself "I I must do this" is so corrosive. I often set goals for myself and then tell myself "I must do them", instead of holding on to the original "I want to do this."

That explains my negative feeling as a parent, so much more „maintenance“ tasks to do and no time left for growth tasks

I just got laid off on Thursday and washing the dishes was actually therapeutic 😮 you knew my thought pattern

I've unknowingly been doing this and always wondered why I felt better some days tackling my GAD than others. It's because those days I set out to do small menial tasks like cleaning, reading, or going for a walk. That allows me to do larger tasks like scheduling an appointment, attending a social event solo, or trying new things.

Just remember that the active Challenge can become a passive one If you Just do it "because it is gonna Help you feel better". That is what happened to me. Self Care became a passive Challenge. I now try to Put in Things that I randomly chose to do. Feels good and accomplishing.

I’m trying to finally declutter all the stuff I’ve accumulated from stress buying over the years. It’s not an egregious amount but enough that I recognize it’s an issue. I just wiggled i to bed because I was feeling overwhelmed and opened KZfaq and saw this video. Thank you for this, honestly.

After having been 'stuck' for years in a state in which I get overwhelmed incredibly quickly, I think I truly need *this.* I've already noticed that all the times I go out and do something, 'dare' to do something, and experience something fun and/or challenging ~ but I chose for it... that I feel so much in control. I feel confident and hopeful for my life again. It brings tears to my eyes to think that I'm going to get better, and this advice is one of the tools I'm gonna use. Thank you 💚

What a timing. Been feeling overwhelmed most of the day, because so many people contact me at once all of a sudden.

Yeah, I can relate, my mom yells at me most time to study, she does it even though I was already studying. When exams are over and if I get 49/50, she will be asking where did that one mark go and who is the first in class. It became worse in the time of covid always blaming I am wasting time with mobile even though I am studying. Now after graduation I am afraid to even attempt an interview because I am afraid of making mistakes. Thanks to this man now I at least knew what my problem is.

Need a lot longer video on this topic. It hit all the checkboxes for me. It feels so relieving when someone describes your problem so accurately. Just knowing that u are not the only one and insane for feeling these things helps a lot. Watching this video made my overwhelm shrink a little.

Wow, that makes so much sense. Lately I've been hitting the gym, trying to eat better, doing martial arts and it's amazing that despite the hours and energy you spend doing those activities, you get so much more energy to do other things in your life.

This explains so much. I've been overwhelmed by passive challenges life threw at me for almost a year now, which left me in a complete slump. I randomly decided to start doing stuff that I figured would be very difficult for me (hobbies, hygiene, writing that *&$@^ thesis)... and expected everything to get worse. But it got better! My anxiety went down, and I've been feeling more accomplished. I thought that was a fluke - good to know I can weaponise this mechanism! 🎉

This is exactly the problem I dealt with when I was in college, and exactly the thing that finally helped me start tackling that depression. I felt very overwhelmed because it was too much work and I didn't want to do any of it. My initial reaction was to cut out things that I wanted to do because I felt like I had to address these exams and assignments first. The problem was that I could spend all day every day working on school, and often did, which really broke me after doing it for so long. I finally realized that the only way I could take control of my life back was to set aside a time that I would not let school touch, so that I could start FEELING like I had agency in my own life. The trick is that when you feel like you don't have control, you basically have to prove to yourself "I AM in control of my life, not XYZ. Look I'm doing what I want to do DESPITE the fact that I feel huge pressured to do otherwise. This external force doesn't get to dictate how I live my life." It's absolutely about the feeling of agency.

This is literally the definition of why you hate doing the dishes once someone tells you to do them - it suddenly becomes a passive challenge instead of an active one.

As a stay at home mom, I can really relate. I have been feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities and tasks as a mom. And instead of doing zero active tasks, which made me feel worse, I started doing stuff outside of the home, like sports and hobbies and it made my inactive tasks feel much much less overwhelming. Good stuff dr. Thankyou for this!

1:48 is exactly why I’m feeling overwhelmed. Now that I have this perspective, I can pursue my challenges in a different mindset.

I watched this video after taking a 3 km walk in the sunny morning, cooking up some rice with vegetables, doing the dishes and only then powering up the PC and launching youtube. Things I would not have done even a year ago. Let's get our stuff together everyone.

My god this man just talks in a way that makes me feel seen. I'm so thankful for finding his channel. I've been able to examine and identify so many things within myself since finding it.

I always had a problem cleaning my apartment, but recently my girlfriend broke up with me and in the process I am trying to quit my year long weed addiction. Cleaning, vacuuming and washing the dishes helped me tremendously. Also having fitness goals have me a purpose in a time of real identity crisis

This is SO much more helpful and productive than the usual shaming / pushy advice that tells you to just do things. Explaining it this way is reducing pressure and makes it so much more effective. Thank you.

Sounds like me procrastinating to do important things by doing everything else like having my room clean and organised, washing clothes, cleaning and so on. At the end of that I feel better but I still feel that I need to do the important thing, which eventually I do.

You are literally changing my mindset. I finally understand why i went through a huge depression spiral and was really stressed. Its not fixed, just a better understanding, which will lead to it getting better. Thank you so much!!!

The timing is always on point!! Thanks Dr. K and everyone who's on the HealthyGamerGG team!

The imbalance of challenges is one of my favourite old VODs of yours. I'm realy glad you turned this into a standalone video.

Unfortunately, I get as much, if not more feelings of being overwhelmed when they are active challenges. I chose them, but I inaccurately judged the pitfalls & sadness overcame me, hence the overwhelming feelings. You are so right, though ... Doing the dishes, straightening up the dressing area ... Those things get you on the right path.👍🏽

omg and here i am, cancelling all my active challenges to reduce my feeling of being overwhelmed... i mean, if i dont have enough time in the day then it kinda makes sense but otherwise i have been propably sabotaging myself

I think this is a great and useful video. I wanted to add that a supposed active challenge can quickly turn into a passive challenge. Say you're trying to learn guitar, but every time you sit down, it triggers a bunch of self destructive things in you: "What if I'm not good enough?", "What if I'm not learning the technique the right way?", "aah I'm so bad at this I'll never be good at it". Suddenly you're dealing with a lot of passive challenges that your mind is throwing at you, and then you start to get overwhelmed again. So you have to pick an active challenge that isn't going to trigger a bunch of things in you!

This makes a ton of sense. My cat started chemo recently, I've had her for 8 years and I can't imagine losing her. Her symptoms cause me to do all day monitoring, complex medication combinations, and getting up at night every night. Ever since her health has started its downward spiral, I have become obsessed with cleaning, organizing and arranging everything I own. It's not a new hobby I have any time for - it was just doing something for me mentally to focus on this. I believe this is why.

He really nailed it. Explained it in a way everyone can understand. No huge complicated words like he's trying to sound smart. When people are dealing with stress that is no of control of our own, is so beyond frustrating it feels overwhelming because of how badly we want to control and or fix the situation.

For someone that has been on self-improvement path for a long time and has changed a lot but has been feeling awful and crippled for months, let me tell this: somehow this video was really great and actually helpful, I'm really thankful to you.

Even though the active challenges don't solve the passive challenges, they give us the confidence and control we need in order to face those passive challenges. Thanks for this enlightening video Dr. K :)

Thank you Dr. K! I actually removed an active challenge for the sake of dealing with the passive challenges yesterday so your video really put my mindset back on track. Thank you!

To summarize abit: Victory is indeed an absolutely busted healer of the mind. Challenge yourself to achieve your OWN victories with rules set by you. Its like working out with small weights and going to bigger ones over time. Always be striving to improve or test your abilities so that you can be sure of yourself that any of lifes challanges are sure to be overcame in your perspective.

I found a lot of this out on my own with the active challenges helping me from not being overwhelmed by the passive ones. Only when I loaded myself with active challenges do I ever successfully find motivation. I’m glad you’re bringing more light onto the topic!

this makes a lot of sense. i’ve been going to the gym and see it as almost as my therapist. serotonin and other hormonal benefits aside, i think it comes down to make me feel more in control, and thus, less overwhelmed.

Thanks so much for making this video, I've been feeling myself become increasingly more overwhelmed by the day and it feel like tv static; as if I want to explode. So many things on my mind while trying to remind myself which healthy tools to use that I've learned to stop feeling and thinking negatively and to calm and reassure me when I feel like crap. I've already got active challenges going on, and am making conscious efforts to challenge myself little by little to be a better version of myself for the future.

Thanks for all you do for us, Dr. K! Your videos are wonderful and really palatable for most people. You have a lot of good things to say about mental health! ☀️☀️

Oh my god, this problem has been haunting me for years and a 10 minute video has given me a solution! Thank you so much for creating this content for people to better understand how to improve their lives and mental health!!!

My overwhelm comes from the person I want to be, someone who is has lots of close friends, a good job, hobbies, relationship, fitness, and creative pursuits, being at odds with my mental and physical stamina. I am unwilling to pick and choose so I am instead facing down weeks at a time where I am only home long enough to sleep before leaving again. I have so much going on I constantly feel like I am forgetting something. I chose all the challenges in my life, but they are still exhausting. I dont have time to do everything, the things being left behind haunt me. I miss playing games.

Finally, this is the KEY to my problem in these past decades. Thank you Dr. K and Milanote. I think Milanote is the thing that I've always wanted. Love the catchphrase - "Get Organized, Stay Creative". It is the very thing that can help me (and many other people) to deal with overwhelmingness. Passive challenges can be organized, and being creative while organizing your milanote is the active challenge. Thank you.

As someone who started learning japanese, korean, mandarin languages, solving rubiks cube under 1 min, memorizing 500 binary digits in 5 mins and doing 15 proper pullups just because they're difficult now makes perfect sense - my life is a disaster and i cant control shit, but hey at least it was difficult and now i've acquired set of the utterly useless skills. Playing frustratingly difficult games also makes perfect sense. Anybody else in the "why the f do i played these difficult games" club ? Self medicating in bizarre ways since childhood.

I totally needed to hear this today. It explains so much. My biggest passive problem is perimenopause emotions and surprisingly cleaning or organizing a sock drawer makes it so much easier for me to control my unruly emotions.

Time to outpour my heart: Been dealing with feeling overwhelmed by house chores for like 8 years now. Always thought i have a very quantifyable amount of energy i had to give toward anything that i had to push myself a little bit for. me partly putting my "mental energy bar," "emotional energy bar," and "pysical energy bar" all in one even though i kinda knew it to be false. But yeah was mainly sacrificing all sorts of things because i had no desire or was too tired to do the dishes or clothes. playing games since i was too tired to do the clothes, putting everything else on hold, wouldnt allow myself to push myself to try to hang with friends or push myself to be creative. i know i even try to math out if i have energy to cook and eat and when i should do that in the day. I know taxes were the hardest to this year. I probably ate 2 meals in 2&1/2 days due to depression/anxiety even though im somone who eats a ton. Part of that was prohibiting myself from eating in an attempt to motivate myself to do the taxes since eating already takes a good amount of energy when im down. Even kinda snapped at my dad with a text when he sent a text to remind me of doing my taxes. Yeah i was justified to tell him im 27 i dont need a reminder to do my taxes at this age but sigh. But yeah have alot of shame included in this and been actuallty being kind to myself lately over this past year which i feel like i can finally breathe. But yeah the inner voice of my parents putting unneeded pressure. Glad im making progress. (lil bit more a journal vomit since im having a hard time getting my thoughts out properly and need practice)

So, it boils down to a matter of choice and of control. Makes sense. From early childhood on, we have other people ordering us around; first it is parents, then teachers in school and from there we enter the world of work with bosses, bosses bosses and, well you know the hierarchy. When we feel that we have control it is because we have a goal that we chose, not one that is forced upon us. Such a simple concept, but, like many of the other important things in life, so easy to overlook or discount. Thank you for this vitally important advice!

VERY in sync with where I’ve been the last two weeks. Thank you, Dr. K. I’ll go ahead and implement that so I stay in this paralysized state. 🖤☠️✨

I was in such a good mental state last year and I lost it. This activation was what was doing it for me. Thank you so much for helping me pin point what the cause was and how I can get back!

this has helped me more than years of therapy. thank you!

Omg, this came at such a perfect time. Thank you, our world is so overwhelming. Empathy and understanding is so beautifully relieving

The topics are always so relevant. Maybe I should be worried about it 🤣

Perfect timing when literally my finals are just by next week

DUDE! I've heard "just focus on what you CAN control" which seemed like a feel-good thing that doesn't really work. But wording it the way you did in this video makes SO MUCH SENSE! Thank you!

Wow! What a great message! I am grateful for this!

I've always felt better when I've done little things like clean up around my apartment when I'm feeling down, but I've never said that out loud before. But it's just so intuitive, isn't it. Outweigh the bad with all the good you CAN do.

I think the same concept of challenging ourselves gives us more control is the same reason why the Dark Souls series helped many gamers tackle depression. The game is challenging and you just throw yourself at it and try different strats and when you get past those challenges it makes you feel good, confident. It gives you an internal locus of control and reward.

Thank you for this one Dr. K. Brings so much clarity to my experiences.

Thank you for this. Not a gamer but following your posts is helping me cope with feeling burnt out, overwhelmed and unfulfilled. Getting better, though.

I know comments like this get posted all the time but it is actually insane how timely some of these videos arrive in my notifications. This is the exact video I needed RIGHT NOW. Thank you to all of you at HGG for doing what you do.

Wait I’ve done this by accident for most of my life. I’ve picked up so many extra nonsense but achievable challenges to make myself feel better when life got really tough. Cool to know there’s some validity and justification behind it.

This makes SO much sense! It doesn't even remotely make logical sense but in reality it's the very thing that we need to understand most when we're overwhelmed

OMG thank you so much. My word is brighter. I understand myself more.

Simply finishing off your shower with 30 seconds of cold is a great active challenge. IN fact Wim Hof figured out that if you voluntarily confront the cold then it ceases to have any control over you. This is where he figured out so many incredible things like being able to influence the autonomic nervous system through voluntary and active breathing. It is all there!

Lol just this week I decided fuck it if the instant I get home from work my parents just gotta yell at the dog or do some bullshit to remind me how much I hate living here then I’m just gonna go full overtime at work. There’s a couple people who set my brain on fire there too but at least I’m actually saving up to move out for the first time in my life

I'm not a regular watcher of your videos, but some of them are absolute bangers. This video really got me. I watched it last night, and so much resonated with me. I regularly feel overwhelmed, to the point where I almost quit my job, and I avoid picking up responsibilities and making commitments because I am terrified that I cannot keep them. I've been making an effort to avoid tough things less since April, and it's been really transformative. Definitely going through kind of an existential change, like the way that I've been thinking, and figuring out what's real, and how to overcome things that seem impossible. This video made so much click, when I think about factors in my life during periods when I've felt overwhelmed and periods where I have felt like I could handle it. I also struggled with an eating disorder for 5 years (recovered since 2017), so that example made perfect sense to me. Thank you so much for putting this video out, and really for all the videos you make. I think a lot of people can appreciate them, and at the very least they get our mind's thinking a little differently. I really appreciate this one man, thank you.

This is gold! Thank you!

I've been following this channel for a while, and I love it. I work in Special Education and I like to use these videos as resources. I really liked the video on gender dysphoria and ASD. What I really appreciated about that video was I think you linked the research in the description, or you at least named the study. I really enjoy reading research, and I like being able to provide others the research I use when I'm asserting something. The research you mention in this video sounds really fascinating, is it possible to link the research in your video descriptions more, or at least give the title of the studies so I can look them up on my own?

Any ideas for activation challenges for someone who is sick and bed-ridden? I've been sick whole May, its so frustrating to have my routine(running, weightlifting) taken away.

Thank you. Exactly what I needed to understand right now.

Thank you so much for this video. I think I finally understand why I've been feeling more and more overwhelmed recently at work. I'm going to take your advice and try to challenge myself in other areas to create a better mindset for myself.

And thats why playing dark souls relives depression

⚠️ This is absolutely true. When you are depressed, the best healing is doing something you "can't". That's why I love the phrase: "Do what you can't". ❤

Thanks for this Dr K! Will use this one going forward 💪

This go right to the playlist " watch 1 per month" . We need a longer version of this!!!

The "behavioral activation" Thing in Depression therapy has become a questionable concept to me. In my personal experience it lead into Burnout, self gaslighting and Feeling Let down by the medical field. When you are actively burnt Out from fighting against your mental health problems all the time, It's toxic in my eyes. (Btw I am Not hopeless at all, I actually have so many Things I would Love to do and have passion for, but I am just incredibly exhausted and overburdened and Desperate for practical Help but I still get Put into the Depression mold)

I’ve been doing this for years not knowing why, you have just explained it ! Thank you !

This guy is the Goat! Thank you Dr!

This is sound advice. I’ve been doing this unconsciously, focusing more on active challenges than the passive ones and I can already see the positive impact it’s having on my life.

This makes sense. Three years ago, when the whole world shut down, I got more into woodworking and sewing and watercolor, and I was having some fun instead of only having no fun. But as someone who doesn't believe in free will, I'm conscious of everything being out of my control, so I pray to God and Jesus Christ, because I know everything good comes down from the Father of all lights in whom there is no variance nor shadow of turning. The Lord and my Heavenly Father have everything in control. And they love me and want me to do good and well for their name's sake, and all I have to do is believe they exist I don't get everything I want, but I get everything I need.

This makes so much sense, thank you!

This makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing. Also great explanations! This helps me a lot and comes at the right time for me!

Genius! Now I understand why when I overworked myself studying an extra language, I was happy and energized and why when I was taking a few months off between jobs and trying to do my taxes, I felt defeated…

This makes perfect sense. Thank you, Dr K

This was such an impactful video to me, thank you so much!

The logic you explain is so timely for me in de-escalating and in strategizing to reduce the distractions that overwhelm me through intentional good choices such as physical exercises, playing with kids and tackling an overdue analysis to help provide data to an article. Many thanks Dr. This is truly empowering to gain sustainable control as we can't afford to visit a therapist Everytime we have an issue that overpowers and takes over the day after couple of productive days. This also helps to reinforce therapists advice and in helping to develop a routine with confidence and in sticking to routine.

Dr. K, I've been going through the biggest Art Block of my life (and over eating problem) and you have no idea how many lightbulbs went on on my head when I listened to this! What I couldn't put in to words to tell my therapist is all here! it makes so much sense and I feel like I'll be able to move more towards the solution now! Thank you so much for covering so many topics here it helps beyond belief! Big fan from Istanbul! 💕