I have a mother with narcissistic personality disorder. She likes to accuse me of committing crimes against her that I have never committed. For example, one time I cleaned the mantle of the fireplace, and she went on a rampage that one of the paintings above it was missing. She concocted a paranoid fantasy that I had smashed the painting, then discarded it in a dumpster down the street. You know, to get rid of the evidence. Now bear in mind, I had not wanted to clean this mantle to begin with, because I knew how absolutely batshit crazy she got about people touching her precious antiques. The only reason I decided to go against my better judgement and clean it was because my young nieces had stuck gum all over it, including on the back of her paintings. And if she found that before I did, let's just say... It would have been a bad day. So I cleaned the mantle. But before I did, I took several photographs of the fireplace. These photos served two purposes: one, to ensure that I would be able to put every single object back exactly the way it was, thereby hopefully avoiding her attention, and two, to cover my ass. Lo and behold, that very day, she noticed the mantle was clean. Somehow she had not noticed the gum that was there all this time, which is truly beyond me. She insisted that a painting was missing and that I had stolen it, smashed it, discarded it, blah blah blah. I'm calling the police, get out of my house, insert screaming tirade here. When I presented her with the photo, timestamps and all, she went dead silent. I pointed out how none of the dust in the photo had a clean spot where a missing painting would have been sitting. She was speechless, utterly speechless. She did not speak to me for the rest of the week. In this situation, it would be completely futile -- if not totally insane -- for me to take ownership of a crime I did not commit. I can't control my mother's insane delusions. What I can control, however, is whether or not I continue to have a relationship with such a person. In a few days, I will finally have enough money saved to move into my own townhouse, and let me tell you, it feels like I'm breaking out of prison. If you find yourself dealing with someone who's clearly mentally ill, and is willing to dishonestly incriminate you to look like a victim, you need to take extreme ownership of yourself by getting out of that situation by all means necessary. If that means finding a new job, do it. If that means cutting ties with certain members of your family, do it. It's not your fault that they're a nut job. But if you allow this behavior as a norm by sticking around, and allowing yourself to be bullied in such a way, then you are, in some way, at fault for the situation. This is good news. Because by recognizing you're control, you can take charge of the problem. And you can free yourself.

I've read the book and its great, I highly reccomend, I like the part about being a leader even if your bottom of the chain as a follower

This is just fantastic, empowering, liberating, and gives perspective and options I unfortunately did not have the sense to notice before. Thank you!

... i waste my time listening to jocko telling me how i waste my time ... what a weirdly sad way to realize that lul

That's absolutely right. It's not about having time, it's about making time. If it matters to a person, they will make time.

I'd like to buy Jocko a beer so much !

Great pod cast. All you pod cast are very good, Thank you

"Cruz extra hard" ... now I'm listening.

That's the conundrum of extreme ownership. I think people like the concept under a false premise. Like when I take extreme ownership, they'll applaud me. Or they above me will also take ownership.

Yup keep moving echo and jocko!

Such a great show

Love this one!!

Best and real podcast out there.

It's not just time though....you have to manage your energy well or else you can fail there as well. There are a lot of very subtle things to manage....your attitude, your focus, etc. You have to own those factors as well.

Thank You Much 😊

My boss was yelling at our whole crew.A costly mistake had occurred on my days off.The man who made the mistake wouldn’t own up to it .So I took the blame.Boss left feeling better.Ten min later he was back yelling that I was off when it happened.lol he busted the. Guy who did it

Don't every second counts, true echo, don't let the 10 minute leak away.

It would be awesome to see you talking about the story of Sergeant First Class Jorge A. Otero Barreto...

DUDE. THIS is what I want to hear.

When I need to make decisions and nobody is around higher up the chain to check with, I do what I feel is best. And I document what I did, and let my bosses know what I did, and if I messed up in that decision, they usually come back with letting me know that I should of done it a different way, or show me how to best deal with those type of scenarios.

Sick video

Why does Jocko look like the moon😆😆

I agree to a point. It seems like what the writer is saying is that the guys above him are some form of bully, narcissist, or other type of personality disorder that uses any excuse to humiliate him. In that instance, I would put forward the idea that sometimes keeping your mouth shut and just doing the work is a more effective approach to dealing with that kind of environment.

I've been wondering, where do people send these questions to Jocko? How do people do it?

Good

Am I supposed to take ownership when I do exactly what I'm told and I know it won't work but the boss is directly telling me to do something so I do it and things go wrong? On one hand I'm not supposed to argue with a superior and on the other I know what I'm being told to do won't work. Then when it doesn't work I get blamed for doing what I was told! One example, I was knocking out a top fire block from the top of a brick wall. I said, it's ready to drop, boss says "go for it" so I bumped it out. He yells out dammit that's exactly what I didn't want to happen from the other side of the wall, as if I could see through the brick wall! I said you said go for it, he said, yes, I did. I got off the scaffolding to see what happened, I asked what's wrong? What happened? He yells at me "leave me the f alone man!" I just put my hands in the air and then grabbed a broom! Figuring, ok I get paid the the same on the floor with a broom as I do in the air with a sledgehammer. What should I have done? Oh yeah I later learned he was standing too close and a chunk of rock had hit his leg. He worked the rest of the week fine though so how bad could it have been? And why was he that close to a wall in the process of being demolished?

Extreme ownership is about giving yourself consequences! Instead of letting yourself get out of things and carrying on making the same mistakes. If you avoid the consequences you'll never have a reason to learn. That might mean taking shit or losing an opportunity, but the next time an opportunity presents itself you won't let yourself fuck up because you know you can't get out of it if you do!

Echo Charles lookin' beefy.

I used to blame my parents for my WEAKNESS.. . My weakness of having.... SKINNY KNEES!!!!

Well, as far as I can tell, this extreme ownership concept demands an extreme competence concept: you can only take the first if you have the later. Responsibility is a word derived from latin verb "respondere", wich means, to answer. People that know the "answer" for the "problem" can fix the situation, and, as soon it it is fixed, the problem of "blame" looses it weight in the scenario. Once fixed the main thing, one should also have a nice look on this lateral problem, that is, to go after the reasons other people use to blame others...

Take Extreme Ownership: It is your fault your parents got divorced!

How do you deal with people that never blame themselves even when they make alot of mistakes and when you make one mistake they try to call you out on it?Two of my teammates on my soccer team do this,when they do this I try to just ignore them.Am i doing the right thing?

I 100% agree with the KZfaq point. It's ironic that I can use KZfaq to procrastinate and piss away a morning, while watching educational videos like these. Facepalm. At least I'm learning, but surfing KZfaq is definitely leaking time lol

When people get blame on everyone you hurt yourself the more you do get blame on everyone you get hurt if you stop making them looks good

My problem is this: Something gets screwed up at my work. My boss comes to me about it. Ok. I get that it's my fault, it is my responsibility. I ask questions because i legitimately do not understand how i screwed up those parts. My boss takes that as me arguing with him amd trying to shirk responsibility. I try to explain to him that I'm not doing that. He doesn't believe me. I've never been good with blindly following orders. It helps me to understand the why. It helps my productivity and efficiency to understand how my process fits into the larger process so I don't waste time or material using other methods that DO work and seem to be faster, but maybe have a higher chance of failure than the "established" method.

Yes I messed up

I'm gonna own it.....ok

What if you are accused, arrested and thrown in prison for a false rape allegation without the chance to defend yourself in court. How do you take extreme ownership for this? This happens all too often.

Echo 🙄💪🤙

DOH!!

Amends.... is extreme ownership

Jocko, I think there's an unspoken flipside to extreme ownership. For good leadership, taking all the blame should be coupled with sharing all the credit, no? So while all the problems might be my fault, all the victories have to be shared with everyone who helped get there.

Title.. "I don't have time!" THEN MAKE TIME!

so in a work situation you are too become the fall guy for others screw ups ? I dont get it. surely after "your" 100th mistake (made by others) your gonna get fired? bit late then to say Hey Boss I was just practising extreme ownership. 🤔

I am responsible for the world.

'Extreme ownership' is absolute new age bullshit. Nobody in the corporate world notices. Nobody cares. Everyone is too busy building their power-bases, spending a disproportionate amount of time telling everyone how much work they do (vs. actually working), and stabbing each other in the front. I saw managers who worked every hour in the day be discarded. I saw people lose their marriages. I saw people lose their morals, chasing that bonus, acting without any integrity whatsoever. I expected professionalism in the corporate world, and found myself back in the kindergarten sand-pit.

I don't see why giving an explanation for why you're sorry is a bad thing? Doesn't it show that you actually took the time to think about it and understand what you did wrong?

"Well what do we do to waste time? Watch KZfaq..." So am I to understand that watching your podcast is a waste of time?

Ego, is a b***h 🤘

First!

I am not sure I'm getting this extreme ownership thing, You make a mistake or can't perform to the required level, ok my fault boss I'll fix it, nope your fired. I suppose it is your fault for working for this kind of organisation in the first place. Accepting liability for every crash that happens though you know what's going to happen your insurance premiums are going to sky rocket.