feel like im an alien trying to reach human standards to be accepted. lmfao

This makes me feel so stupid for worrying so much.

Social anxiety is not just the fear and paranoia of being judge by others. It's also the fear of everyone assuming things on you, assuming your actions and thinking, the fear of everyone putting you in a box. It is very aweful overthinking that a lot. You make irrational things when social anxiety hits you. And everything you say and act is always planned in your head so you don't get to embarass your self. And after interracting to people you get depressed thinking it was not the right response. You them think they'll gonna hate you, dislike you, look down on you, disrespect you, judge you, weirded on you, laugh at you, get away from you. Social anxiety is not as easy as you think it is humiliating and physically mentally draining. If you think you knew someone who have social anxiety please dont give them a hard time. ❤️

"Life is just too short to care what others think"

“People don’t pay a lot of attention to you” I pay a lot of attention to other people, I always assumed it was the same for everyone

Anxiety: everyone judges you Me: actually, nobody cares about me *anxiety left the chat *depression joined the chat

The worst part is when you have social anxiety and fear people judge you, and its actually true they judge you cause u hear them 💀

It's hard to not have that spotlight effect and develop social anxiety when you've been bullied because then all you can do is think about what others think. This was the case for me and I didn't get over my social anxiety until about two years ago.

being too aware of my own thoughts gives me anxiety

me: nobody cares bro also me: okay but what if they do

This video and comments are very interesting! I would like to share how I overcame my social Anxiety too! So basically I changed schools. What I had observed in my previous school was if you give your first expression to be extroverted they all assume you're extroverted. Unfortunately I was young, shy and timid, gave them the wrong impression and it was really hard to overcome the social anxiety because they all thought I was like that. In the other school I faked being an extrovert non-shy and easy to talk to, because they didn't know who I was! AND you won't believe that faking it got me very far. I now have more than 10 friends I can trust and also I am no more scared about what anyone thinks of me! I can give out public speeches about worrying too! Trust me You gotta fake it till you make it! I couldn't even ask someone to stop hitting my chair in the previous school because I thought everyone is assuming I am a socially anxious person, I can't speak up. But in my new school I am scolding someone who is talking bad about my friend! Look at the progress!! :D.

Honestly, the bigest problem for me is that I know everything... I am aware that all of those anxiety thoughts are just in my head... I am aware that it is not like that in riality and I can watch 1000 videos about overcoming anxiety, but I still can't fix it... I now that it is completely normal that other people will talk and think something about me and that it can't hurt me but I still have anxiety! That's the worst feeling ever... I fell like I'm trapped in some cage and I can't escape. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Biggest fear for people with social anxiety: public speaking Honestly its scarier than life threatening situations

A lot of people just say "stop being shy" But you actually bothered to do research and properly represent us. Thank you!

Something I thought about to get rid of my social anxiety: There's two sides of yourself, one side that's anxious and awkward and one side that's however you act around friends/family. Just show the side you act like around friends and family whenever you start to feel anxious. Not saying this will work but it got rid of it for me.

a huge factor of my social anxiety was social judgement until I realized judging others made me fear of being judged. therefore, my social anxiety is near non existent nowadays.

Being with friends also helps to get rid of social anxiety because we create a seperate small dome of comfort when we are with friends.

I cured my social anxiety recently. A few months ago, I got myself a gym membership, but because I was so afraid of being judged, I'd go in there and just half-ass my work outs. This went on for a while until a morbidly obese fella walked in. I glanced at him and thought to myself "Jeez...I'm glad I didn't let it get this bad. I have faith he'll make it". I finished up my workout and I had already forgotten all about the guy until I saw him again in the locker room. That's when it hit me. Despite the fact that this man stands out in a bad way, everybody is too busy worrying about themselves to actually waste their time judging others. After that day, I started leaving my comfort zone more often and now everytime I feel anxious, I think about that guy at the gym. Life is much better now, I met new people and I'm making more friends, I feel guilty yet relieved to see how much I was missing out on the past few years. Edit: I'd also like to point out that strength training was one of the biggest factors to overcoming this, I highly recommend that people with social anxiety start exercising regularly.

I learned about the spotlight effect in middle school, a long time ago. I felt better and thought that most people would not notice my mistakes. However, I've had MANY people tell me before that they HAVE indeed noticed my negatives, and they go out of their way to point this out, unprovoked. So I'm really starting to doubt how true the spotlight effect actually is.

People dont realize how severe and tricky it can be, i can have long conversations without social anxiety with one person with whom i feel comfortable. but ina crowd i am not even able to function properly, i feel like the whole world outside has just stopped for a moment to look at me and judge me, what works for me is that i start looking at people and when i find out theyre just minding their own business, i get relieved but still i just want this thing to end. its making alot of problems in my life.

Sometimes when i have anxiety i just keep saying to myself that ‘nobody cares’ repeatedly, kinda helps

One thing that helps me beat social anxiety is whenever i feel watched or judged by someone, i imagine in my head that the roles are reversed. That the other person “watching” me is worrying about what i might be thinking about them, and i on the opposite side am the confident, anxiety-free person that is just living life care free.

MAN I LOVE YOU!!! I used to be hated but now I'm social 😭💓💗

I always be scared to try and make friends because people can be mean and I've always been afraid of rejection but this has helped me in some way it's just that school air hits different

I kinda found out about this myself I realized that I don’t care when people do something embarrassing so I just presumed everyone thinks the same

To be honest though, the anxiety comes from the fact that people are watching you *at the moment* How do you stay calm knowing you're currently in the spotlight?

honestly, as someone who has social anxiety, the best advice i can give someone is to practice talking to people whenever possible. it doesn't have to be a big interaction and it doesn't have to be that long, take it in very, very small steps. start by taking someone you know and are comfortable talking with and try ordering something from a restaurant or take out from a fast food place. it's ok if you can't say anything at first, have the person you're with say your order instead. the more you keep trying to say your order, the more you'll be comfortable with saying it and then at some point, even if it's a long time away, you won't need to go with someone and you can do it by yourself. also try just saying hi to people at your work, or at school and once you're comfortable with that, try making light conversation, like complimenting someone's outfit or asking "how are you". i know this might not help everyone, but it did help me somewhat so far so i'm hoping this can help someone else.

My case is weird, I'm not afraid of public speaking, being in the spotlight, etc, but I CANNOT approach anyone for non formal reasons. It is scarier to me than anything I can realistically imagine

One thing I think you should have mentioned is: In the event someone DOES remember the negative event you were in and picks on you for it, most of the time, it's because they're projecting their problems onto you. People who have a more positive outlook on life will generally empathize and/or simply shrug off what you went through, whereas people with a more negative outlook on life will try to pull you down to their level. Don't let these few jerks get you down!

When your heart races, entire body breaks out in sweat, legs feel weak, and words start stuttering, it's kinda of hard to just stop caring

People who are suffering from anxiety and depression, This is 100% curable because i had depression and now i kicked this Sh*t out from my life..

It's really hard to socialize when you have an anxiety and a stuttering. But I'm doing my best in life😊

We hear a LOT of people (on KZfaq or otherwise) often telling us about this: to stop worrying about what people think because they really don’t care and we’re only wasting time and mental energy worrying about it. And even though I technically “know” it, I still often think “but what if in this case they do....” , so thanks for actually offering stepwise concrete tips as to how we can potentially change our mindset about this. I will try this now. Thank you.

When you said “Swapping shoes”, I was so afraid you were gonna ask us to perform some social experiment involving wearing different shoes on your different feet to realise that most people don’t notice or care. The real thing was better phew. Thanks for this video :)

"people dont look at you like you think they do, some dont even know i exist" This quote is what made my anxiety go away

Using logic like this usually doesn’t work on anxiety driven thinking. This is based on the fact that the amigdala doesn’t have a language. Reasoning like oh just realize that most people aren’t thinking about you that much doesn’t remedy anxiety in the long run. A better excercise is to expose yourself to the scary situations more and more.

“People don’t really care” Me: *Gives presentation in front of class* Class: *Stares at me throughout the whole presentations and snickers at me afterwards*

3:26 Have you ever looked at someone and thought, what is going on inside their head?

My grandpa said: you assume what others think, what you think about yourself. If you feel hot you ganna think people watching you bc they think you hot. If you feel ugly thats what you ganna think they think. So if your self esteem is high its ganna help fight it as well😘 you awsome

As an introvert by myself and by a little experience I can say that if You want youself to get included in something or just feel like you belong just talk without thinking what other people think of you just talk because nobody will gonna think of You bcoz they have their own shits to think of they don't even spend a single sec ond thinking of you so just do it......and one line I remember "if it doesn't matter in five years don't waste even 5 minutes thinking of that".......I don't know who will gonna read it 😂but if it really helps someone i'll be really happy

When you have debilitating social anxiety, you eventually get to a point where you have to decide: “Am I going to live with this? Or am I going to take massive action and do everything in my power to get rid of it?” Maybe it’s not one moment. I can’t really remember the moment where I asked myself that. I think it was shortly after my whole floor at college made fun of how awkward I was. Then, once I figured out how to overcome it, I took action...putting myself in more and more social situations every day.

10% is still too much. I want NO ONE to remember 😭💀

For me, Social Anxiety makes me wonder so much about other people and what they think of me. So I try to reverse it, and think that if I have this problem, perhaps they do too, to the point no-one really cares about me, or anyone else, rather what they think of themself. This was confusing to write.

I took a public speaking class in college, and my teacher told me that you are your biggest critic. That helped me feel much more confident.

You just HAVE TO DO IT guys! I was so afraid to go skating today, although I bought this super expensive skates. Then I saw this video, went skating and now I feel sooo awesome.

“I just want to be myself” “YOU SUCK!” my worst nightmare 😭😭😭

Social anxiety a lot of times develops because of the bullying and judgements, not because of the fear of being bullied and judged.

Reading these comments after watching the video WOKE ME UP TO REALITY.

I realized that most of the things you say or do people will most likely forget about it the next day

I feel anxiety watching this.

I try to be confident and try to talk when some people are having conversation , but they just don't reply to me, I try to speak loud, Even call names, but they just don't care and then I see them talk to easily to everyone

I just got an episode of social anxiety but watching this video immediately calmed me down, thanks a lot! It's nice to know that people don't judge every details of our actions.

Omg yes I've been needing this video, you can't believe how many opportunities I've missed *just* because I feel anxiety thinking about social situations, and then my regret would drive me crazy all the time. Recently I've been trying to ease things by making myself just *think less* and I'm glad to see that it's something actually worth trying, I absolutely love the idea of your channel and it helped alot so far, thank you for doing so! 💕

I have really bad social anxiety and it bothers me when I blush or start sweating and I'm too scared to tell my parents or the doctor that I have symptoms of social anxiety 😞

The idea that everyone is in there own head paying attention to there own things makes it way easier tbh every time I feel that anxiety I’m gonna remind myself no one’s paying that much attention no reason to worry about outside opinions

I've always dubbed the spotlight effect as main-character-itis. Everyone is the main character of their story, and everyone else is NPCs that they don't care about. So, you are an NPC no one else cares about. That mentality is what really helped me get over social anxiety and become more extroverted. "No one cares, in the best way possible"

The biggest challenge and only question worth asking is "Am I being true to myself?" cause as you said most people are too self-absorbed anyway. Being true to yourself is also the only way to attract the people you naturally get along with instead of forcing you to fit in groups where you don't have great chemistry.

I'll tell you from experience, it's not some black magic. I used to be socially anxious and awkward, then I had to work in my town's office during summer holidays with my classmate and it helped me a ton. The people working there were super nice and friendly. I was doing many tasks but mainly took care of printer and had to copyprint documents for strangers a lot. In no time I got way more social and confident and extroverted. As with any fear the best solution is exposure therapy. Find a job or hobby where you interact with people a lot like at supermarket, cinema or coffe shop. With how many customers you'll be talking with daily you'll get used to talking with people and start to care less about fuckups.

I don't know it off the top of my head but there's this Winston Churchill quote that goes sometime like: At 20, you worry what everybody thinks of you At 40, you stop caring At 60, you realize they weren't thinking of you at all

One thing that helps me get through my day is a quote Steve Harvey said saying that we should get used to the embarrassment

Heres my story: I got social Anxiety when I got to grade 7. I went to a new school which was french emmerson and I had no friends, I was scared to talk because I was scared I'd be judged. The whole year I barely talked and was picked on a few times. Then grade 8 came around I switched schools again this time with my old friends in a english school . I still didn't feel comfortable talking and I would always be alone, then I met a friend I could talk to her perfectly fine. But when we entered class I was scared I'd be called on and I was scared to be in group projects. Now in grade 9 I'm still the same even when I go out with my sister and help her clean. My sister is always talking to people and I'm just so quiet because I feel sick even thinking about saying Hi The weird think is in elementary to grade 6 I was a social butterfly :( and had a lot of friends and loved to talk.. I also get a lot of depression I feel like I'm useless and ugly. My family doesn't understand and usual just ignore me or try to talk to me but it never seems to help. My sister told me I should try to start convo first so when me and my sister went to volunteer I tried but it was like my mouth was dry and I wanted to puke, I felt under pressure.

I have social anxiety too, I've been struggling for all my life. That's why I make videos and record my self to see my self on other perspectives. So I can improve and Learn to speak and practice my English too 😄. I'm glad I'm not alone. Start recording your self guys 😄 Understand learn your self. YOU CAN DO IT!! You are not that bad!

2:02 first time I genuinely smiled in a while

2:20 This is the sentence I was waiting to hear. Like I personally KNOW that nobody cares, but you still have the same feeling regardless.

Him: no one cares Also Him: study people and try to be in their shoes

The best thing to cure social anxiety is to think that all people around you are blind 😂😂😂 just try it

i overcame my severe social anxiety through this one trick: apathy. easier said than done, but stop caring. my reputation was so fucked at the time that i realized anything i would or wouldn't do wouldn't matter. but that was just the beginning, its a life long journey

Now that I think about it, the only people I really remember caring about are ones that I look up to, or already know.

People that suffer from SA often come across as arrogant, since they do not talk much. However the thing is, that people with this disorder often take themselves too important/serious in an unhealthy way ("everybody is gonna judge me/think negatively about me" - and so on). This is mixed with a overly strong perfectionism in social situations. So socially anxcious people can feel highly responsible for the feelings of others and their well being. Also they are too much in their own head and mind most times instead of shifting the focus towards others and their surroundings. It all boils down to a very low self esteem and caring not enough about the own needs. I suffered from it myself. Go and seek therapy, it helped me a lot and definately made more more difference than watching videos on the subject (and even talking to friends who might understand you, but do not know how to provide techniques to overcome it). For me being patient with myself and finding out things about me that i like helped a lot. The fear developed itself in order to protect me from harm, but it is irrational thinking. Learning to accept that you don't need this kind of protection anymore is crucial. You will only learn that nothing will happen to you, if you voluntary go outside and seek those challanging situations (depending on your indiviual anxiety level!). Wash, rinse, repeat. Find something that excites you and brings you joy to build self esteem. Meditation and exercise help, too. You have managed many things in life, worse than the dinner or the meeting that you have coming up next week. Finding compassion for yourself and your anxiety will help reducing it. Anxieties can be triggers that there is something within you, that wants to surface. Diving into it will not only make you understand yourself better but also provides the chance for unlocking new potential within you.

The main problem with social anxiety is that you don't know how to control it. I often let anxiety just take over me and I become no longer in control. That's why meditation can really help ❤

As someone with diagnosed anxiety as well as depression the mental tug of war is kinda wild in my brain like: "Everyone's watching you at all times, they're silently judging you" "Bro no one cares" "No one..... Cares •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀"

i think what kills most of us inside is getting to comfortable with our thoughts and playing the outcome like it’s what really happened but in reality we won’t even know and you just have to accept that 👍

I’ve never clicked on a video so quick. I suffer from social anxiety and I loved how you explained the concept of the spotlight effect! Very well done!

So, 1) Become more aware of your own thoughts (meditation helps) 2:34. 2) Swapping shoes exercise = imagine what a stranger is thinking (realize that people pay less attention to you than you think) 3:16.

I discovered this in my own, and knew that in my head I was making situations seem bigger than they actually were, but like the guy says in the video, nobody cares, they’re probably just thinking of something else, I was so anxious and insecure, that whatever I heard a group of people laughing behind me or by me, I would start thinking “are they laughing at me?” then I would look towards them, and they weren’t even looking at me, so it’s all just your mind having more control over you than you over it, but it is something that anybody can overcome.

After repeatedly convincing myself I think I do realise nobody cares about me but for some reason I can't stop feeling anxious around people... no matter how much I practicing breathing or whatnot.

This is life changing for us- introverts, hope you're having a good day after you've watch Improvement Pill's video! 😊

my life has been changing because of this channel, so grateful that its here.

For me, changing school( I always wanted to be on another but ended up on the one I was) changed everything. Maybe it was because all of my friends are on the new one, or maybe I just needed the change of environment. I surely don't miss the toxicity of the old school, and that must have helped. I used to be scared of everyone, I wasn't comfortable sitting in crowded places like restaurants and such. But this year, everything changed in an instant. I am friends with basically everyone, and I dont find it difficult at all to speak with people I have never met. I guess it's all about the people around you.

I finally defeated social anxiety, now i just need to learn how to think of a topic for a conversation and learn how to reply immediately and not keep quite and make the other person feel akward;-;

I have been struggling with a social anxiety when I meet someone new at first I’m shy but then I come out of that shell and at the end I have a great time and we bond so it’s worth it trying to socialize and break out of that I used to not have much friends but I gained 20+ friends in less a year because I learned to love myself and socialize with other people without worrying so guys it’s worth it at the end

I have been struggling with high functioning anxiety for years now. I’ll definitely try the two steps!

The thing is that I really dont care about what strangers think about me , my fear is about what people I see everyday and friends think about me, because I want to feel liked and I'm afraid of being weird and having awkard conversations with that people

I hope you all get over it, i got over it a few months ago. I used to be so scared of looking at people and talking to them, i was so stupid back then. I overcame social anxiety!!! Im so relieved!!!!!!

I do this but When i have to talk and they are actually looking at me, my voice becomes shaky and eyes become full of tears . And i bet they'll remember me as an awkward cringy dude.

It could be because in our childhood someone that was meant to be a role model for us, who had a lot of influence on us, was watching our every move and judged us and criticised us too harshly. We then internalised the feelings produced by it and thought that everyone thinks that way about us. We start thinking that everyone is the same as that person who did us wrong. Because they basically taught us subconsciously to fear the world and what other people think without knowing it. Usually they did this so we wouldn't step out of line and make them look bad in front of other people. So in other words, even though they might not have anxiety, they too care what other people think to some degree even if they don't admit it.

My problem is, I already know this but it still doesn't get any better

Whenever I go into ANY crowded place, my face just goes bright red. I can't do anything about it. I'm gonna try this out and hopefully it works

Sometimes, I really like to imagine that I'm in "someone's" perspective and looking at what they're looking. Usually lasts for a while and I'm off doing what I'm doing.

Damn those 10% !!

It’s not that no one cares about you , Rather that everyone thinks more about what’s going on in there life , Like they are asking themselves are they being to awkward. Rather than thinking about you and if your being to socially awkward.

I need this. I’m awkward in real life and scared to talk to anyone.

Live in the moment get out of your head be present and act on things rather than overthinking don’t think about what your going to say when people are talking just be present with life not in your head and work on yourself

Another thing is know that you aren't the only one that is effected by social anxiety, there's tons people in your shoes. A random person walking by you could be also suffering from social anxiety, and you would have no idea. Everyone has their own problems to deal with, the last thing on their minds is you or me.

when i am having Social anxiety my mind is not the same like all my thoughts are blurred. I am aware that people don't care that much but in the real situation it's not that easy to fight anxiety with just that thought.

I don't worry much about what people think, but I still have social anxiety - like it is the interaction itself that is scary to me. Maybe because I feel like I don't know what I'm doing?

I understand all of these things but I can't imply it in my life. I can't get myself to start believing that.

Who knew I would find a community with people like myself.

I started school today, I know no one in my class and all my friends are in a different class. I’ve been crying all day and being forced to socialize because of my teacher. I’m trying this tomorrow and I will try not to sob again!

It's not about what people think about you. It's what you think they are thinking about you. Tell yourself people really want to get to know you. Anyone who acts like a clown is envious of you. It works😊