can i just clarify when you mean he disappeared 5days or a week, does that count if you nv initiate to get in touch or reach out to them and they did not reach out back to you?

Hey Frederike - thanks for the summary 🙏

Thats interesting because when we are consistent ,encouraging and want a relationship you ditch us for the next exciting guy because its become routine and "boring" . We've wised up to this good luck out there. ;)

@@alexanderstevens145 Wonder if there's a way to be consistent without being boring?

@@thejackbutler Im not sure man, if the woman is healthy yes you do different activities together lots of going out together communicate and grow the bond. If not they're just addicted to the emotional highs n lows of the undeveloped men they previously slept with. Thats why alot of us dont care anymore we seem to get punished for it.

@@thejackbutler absolutely, a mature real relationship is one where there's honesty, understanding, respect and mutual interests where you enjoy one another and mutual activities, that in itself creates consistency and eliminates boredom, no game playing

I like that anecdote - it's powerful - thanks for sharing it 🙏

Oh that's very true.

Cavelle Ardiel Yes, if you have moved beyond initial dating, suspect that’s not your guy! 🙏

@@thejackbutler Agreed. If a man is interested he will make an effort to contact you. I am lucky to have rekindled a relationship from two years ago. I wasn't in a place emotionally to let this man into my life. I enjoy your videos.

@@cavelleardiel Agreed! Gd luck w the rekindling! And thank you :)

@@thejackbutler after a first meeting when i was told he wanted to see me again, what is a reasonable time to go without hearing from a person? 2 or 3 days? He is a busy executive

A man who's really interested and intentional will definitely NOT keep her guessing. He makes her his priority no matter how busy he is. If he does not, he's probably not that into her. My 2 cents.

Thanks Anna - that's a really nourishing reflection - I appreciate your noticing that and feeding it back. 🙏

Zaydee Cordova Well that’s amazing to hear, wishing you well with the unfolding of your relationship! 🙏

Hey Annette! Glad I did! Yes, I think that's usually right. Big fan of people dialling into their intuition more :)

@@thejackbutler totally totally agree. Gut is usually 100% spot on

@@annettephillipsdelaney4023 The fantastic 2nd brain!

@@thejackbutler like it being called that... Perfect description

Annette Phillipsdelaney Think we are early in understanding its amazingness

Happy for you!

Lol :) What are you sensing is next for you?

@@thejackbutler Oh this is one strange story. He wanted to meet once every three weeks and only replied once every three weeks aswell because he "didn't have so much energy" and "isnt the demanding type" so I told him that wasn't working for me and stayed silent for 5 months before I finally answered two long and very nice texts about his life that took him 2 months to send. He's now chasing alittle bit and I'm the one playing hard to get. He seems emotionally like ice, so so cold yet a year ago he moved to his first apartment across from mine. Why move so close when he doesn't wanna meet very often? There was also talk about an ex and one day he was moving after her, the next he was moving down the hill in a few years, which is MY dream. He seems very confused, arrogant yet insecure. I told him I think he's autistic but he's in complete denial. What do I do? This got me so stressed I got sick.

Wow

12months??? No way One month is enough highest 2 months

@@therealone8628 my man is sending mix signals and now I'm pulling away...i deserve better!!

Linda Casper Good work, I know how hard that can be so just honoring that you are honoring yourself 🙏 Thanks for the England well wishes!

Marcia mellow Yeah such a gift to relax into our own quietness if we are able to. And if that the answer isn’t there it’s maybe ‘I don’t have a knowing yet’

Hey Brenda! Well done for having the courage to broach the conversation. It takes courage, especially when us guys are not stepping up to the plate. Hoping that you get met in the ways you want with the right guy 🙏

Hope you have a good trip to England! LD isn't a barrier usually if it's really meant to be. Good on you for seeing if it's something worth pursuing 🙏

Jack Butler I agree! Thank you!!! 😊

Can I ask did you meet on line? I am so reluctant especially long distance. But locally I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said men (I'm sure women too) are disrespectful.

@@YogawithAliBeale Yes, but not a dating sight. We were actually FB friends, & we started out as friends, & message each other, because we had the same job with disabled ppl, & I would ask questions about medicine for seizures. We actually talked for months as friends, & love grew. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with someone before meeting them. He is on another level of men. He’s not perfect, but he is a real respectful & honorable man. We are still going strong. Our love grows more and more each day, because we make a conscious decision to keep our love going, & both put in the work! I feel it’s because we had a strong foundation, before sex. Sex ruins things if you don’t do it the right way. Don’t lose a faith. Not all men are monsters. 😊❤️

@@mariavelasquez5857 Thank you for the long reply. This is so beautiful to read 💗 many years of happiness together. I'll remind myself of this when I need it.

Thanks Carol! Wishing you well on the path of discernment, maturity and finding what you want 🙏

Thanks so much, I appreciate that - doing my best - and certainly I can still have my moments of age regression ha! 🙏

@@thejackbutler don't we all!

@@universoulhealing I think we probably do. Or if people don't they may have retreated from life in ways that most of us don't want to

He is awesome

@@mrsbutterflyrainbows6654 Thank you :)

Hey Jennifer! Thanks for reflecting that back, glad this video was really helpful to you. And exciting that you may be with your man! All the best with it! :)

Yep I agree that it's really important to look to actions.

Hey Ellie, yes for sure, I think it probably does distill the picture pretty quickly. 🙏

@@thejackbutler I really appreciate this video and I appreciate the commitment to helping women be respective of themselves. Your channel has helped me quite a bit in that regard. There was one concern I had. I will be blatant bc its something that the world is going to have to answer for. You know the part of the video where you said polyamouros relationship is ok? I pray you do not take this the wrong way but that is an extremely sinful attitude based on the permeation of pornography culture into the mainstream. I realize people have inappropriate sexual fantasies but it is appealing to the based level of human degradation to ascribe that baseness to people. In one of your videos you referred to humans as a form of animal. It was a vague reference but nonetheless one that separates humans from the consequences of choice. The thing that makes humans so distinctive from animals is choice and the ability for higher thought. Cognitively speaking it's the reason the Creator gave Adam dominion over the animals in the garden of Eden. The thing is we are 100 percent free to do what we want but we are not 100 percent free from the consequences of those choices. I totally recognize your desire to help women and your clients. I would just like to encourage you to maybe add to that by subtracting the cultural norm that normalizes deviant behavior in humans. That is as trait that is prevalent in Hollywood and is foisted upon the culture. I honestly take responsibility for not bring these points out when I first watched part of the video. I actually have a habit of partially watching something and coming back to it bc I am doing five things at once. I came back to this video and was finally finishing it and came upon that statment. There is nothing wrong with fulfilling sexual needs inside the confines of marriage but polyamorous relationships are a detriment and scripture indicates that an individual can scar their very soul permanently with such behavior. Yahuwah created Adam and Hawah(Eve) with the express intention of the specialness of expressing that love in a way that is based on the creators original plan. Anything else is a pimp culture narrative based on a Hollywood illusion of love. If we are to buy into the the idea of consistency and real true romantic love it isn't based on lust it's based on a choice which includes expression at the highest and purest form which most people do not allow for them selves bc they were raised by parents who exposed them to wickedness. Sexuality is the deepest expression of true love based on celibacy before marriage so as scripture commands a person can morally rupture their soul in a way they will be weeping for when they stand before their creator in eternity. It is entirely possible to practice celibacy until marraige. I have done for over 40 years. Just my two cents. Much respect and thank you for always trying to help people attain life long love. I do appreciate that. It's a priveldge that not everyone experiences in this life. But certainly people dilute a situation that is meant to be experienced in it's most pure and innocent form. Just sharing what is on my mind. I should add that there is a scripture that states its folly and shame unto a person to comment before they have heard the entirety of a matter. I commented before I heard the entirety of the video so that is on me. I think I would have added this so I apologize for that bc I realize this a serious matter. I pray you take my commentary as it is meant. It was just something I needed to express bc I completed the video.

Thanks for the encouragement! Seems like you had your answer here, hope it's resolved for you 🙏

Well thanks! Feel free to share it :) Glad you had such a good experience of it!

Hey Cassandra, like the courage of moving on and broaching the conversation about what the relationship is. It's great when a guy leads on the conversation. If he doesn't, I think it's fine to invite it. Some guys, and I have some of this myself, may be processing internally and not 100% clear and won't broach the conversation until they are clear but that timeline may be different than yours. Definitely good not to be pressuring where possible and to make it clear that you want the truth not what he thinks you may want to hear 🙏

Yeah, it's a bit rough with my inability to sleep on planes!

I appreciate that - thank you! 🙏

Thanks for continuing to tune in 🙏

I like that naming! Thank you!

I hear that. As long as it's not your own defense to uncertainty.

Thanks Marianne - glad the content spoke to you 🙏

Lucie M Glad you stayed for them! 🙏

You're welcome Tracy, glad it was right on for you :)

Cindy Lou 🙏⭐️

Does he want kids? You should ask him otherwise you will get hurt in the longrun. He might not though.

@@alexanderstevens145 That's a good question to be including in right timing

@@thejackbutler yes and thank you!

Thanks for the share. Sorry he wasn't being honest with you, that's not cool. Keep faith, sure the right connection will be out there for you 🙏

@@thejackbutler Hi Jack, he has allot to work through and I hope he will but he's not the right match for me so walking away was the right decision, and I used to enjoy the drive to the sea. I'm a big girl :) I realize that it's about finding the right match and walking away from the wrong people, the faster I eliminate the wrong people the sooner I can find the right match :)

Just J xx Oh yeah, I like that drive down to Brighton! I think your philosophy will serve you well 🙏

Ive just had a karmic relationship Oh boy did i need it now 46 massive patterns broke, mindset now secure, empty and feeling of hate and low self esteem gone, radiant looks have come back to my face.. ive been chasing bad boys for 20 years , although it always them that starts it initially.

@@redeemerl5212 Glad you're breaking through patterns! Keep it up! 🙏

Hey thanks for writing. Glad it's helping give you clarity on what's possible / not possible in your current connection 🙏

Hey Tamara - thank you for the +ve feedback, that's sweet 🙏 I feel very grateful to do this work :)

Thanks for your gratitude! 🙏

Thank you! 🙏

Jessie Parker Ha yes totally and can save you future time! 🙏 Hope you’re well! 🙏😊

@@thejackbutler I hope so Jack. All is well.🙄😁 Have a great day!😊

Jessie Parker Thank you and glad you’re well 🌟🙏

Your not the only one. I thought I was the only one rowing that boat.

Hey there - I think one important thing is that if he really sees a future with you then it's not make or break in that conversation, so don't put too much pressure on yourself. I would mention to him that you'd love to check in sometime soon about where you guys are both at, and ask him if he'd be up for that. That way, you're not springing it on him and he can have a few days to collect his thoughts/heart. You're welcome! :)

If you can, relax and enjoy that discernment. Congrats on multiple suitors!

@@thejackbutler You know what you're talking about, Jack. It was hard, but I relaxed into my intuition. Conversation with some fizzled out, I was feeling imbalanced with another, and, with sufficient time and care, one in particular stepped up to the plate and made himself known. We have been dating for a little over three months now. I think that he may be the one to go the distance with me. I don't want to put too much pressure on him, me, or us at the moment, so I'm enjoying the ride.

@@tokki8070 Sounds like you are holding it wisely. To the unfolding!

Cindy, love hearing that!

Hey Ghada! Appreciate that comment :)

That's awesome Tanya, onwards! :)

You're welcome! 🙏

Benedicta Alfonso Thanks for the perspective 🙏

What if a guys never called u his girlfriend but always called u his wife.

Right?

Learn It With Aya So happy you are experiencing it that way!! 🙏

Hey Eda! Thank you 🙏

vic michael Thank you! Appreciate the sub and welcome!

Thanks Marcia!, glad you're experiencing the depth 🙏

Utoober729 Thanks for writing. Sounds like he may be available for companionship not partnership? What’s your authentic desire? 1.5 years is a quite a while to know someone without it really clarifying as a clear relationship 🙏

Hey Rita! Thanks for sharing all that. What's the reason for the physical distance? Is there anything preventing more time together? It seems like you're doing a good job of tracking everything that's between you. I wish you well with it and really going for the together time even if you just eat ramen noodles when you are! :)

@@thejackbutler Met on fitnesssingles.com last Oct. He's in MS; me in MI. We met in Cleveland two weeks after our first texts then again in Feb in New Orleans. He has many complications in his life ... selling his mother's home after she passed away, job stuff, and his truck underwent and is still undergoing several fixes. No one knows the following but you ... He told me at the get go that he had been divorced for a year. He finally told me the truth on August 6th. I said that if I had stayed married, Aug 7th would have been my 43rd anniversary. He slipped and said that he had been married for 39 years. Well, he got married at 20 and is now 59. It didn't take me long to do the math. The next day, we talked for 2 hours. I shut him down ... called him a liar, cheater, manipulator. He wasted 9 months of my time. He and his wife live in a 4500 sq ft home. He lives in the back - she in the front. He's getting it ready to sell, and they will split the profits. He has told his kids about the divorce the two of them have settled on as soon as the house is sold. Finances and some big fix-its are in order before that can happen. It's so interesting that he wasn't able to tell me this, but I know he was afraid that I wouldn't get involved with him. He asked which was more important - being divorced legally or divorced in his heart. I have never been involved with a married man. I realize whole-heartedly that I am being defensive, and I know the reason. He hurt me. The following day, he called and said he slept like a baby for the first time in a year. No kidding - the truth will set you free. He now tells me every detail about the repairs to the house, the bills, etc. It sounds as if his wife is a religious freak and extremely negative about life. They barely speak. He tells me the last time they had sex was 2 years ago. They decided to stay together until the youngest was off at college. She's now 19. Jack ... this is all out of his mouth - not mine. Obviously, I care deeply about him. I am willing to see him one more time, but I am not willing to wait around forever. I am a person filled with optimism and hope. I smile at strangers and look for the good in everyone. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years, a wealthy one who used money to keep my two kids away from me. I have never felt this way about anyone. This is not infatuation. Even though he tells me that I know more about him in 9 months than his wife knows in 39 years, the trust is gone. I have told him that he is going to have to regain it. Time will tell the story. This is such a huge risk for me, and I can already sense your reply. In the meantime, as always, I am taking good care of me - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have a wonderful tribe, and I am busy with my dance troupe. My intuition tells me to be patient. I will, but the outcome will be on my terms. Thanks for reading.

Thanks Nic! That's really cool to hear. I intend to keep going!

Very happy to hear that! Good luck as you make that re-entry :)

Thanks for the sub!

Marlean k. You’re welcome, like that’s it’s supporting clarity 🙏

@@thejackbutler yes...me too....🙏 .just sent you a short message through email

Tawana R Richardson Yay to clarity Tawana! 🙏

Hey Kate! That's a really good question. I think lots of things...sometimes it's more comfortable in the ST to not be with the real truth. Many relationships meet some needs, even if not all. Sometimes a relationship is the best you've had or better than previous ones, so you wonder if you can do better, or you don't want to be alone again. Sometimes it's addictive, he's hot and cold and you haven't had to let go of someone like that before. What's your experience?

Having experienced quality relationship before i do struggle to let go of hope.Hope that new person brings into your life. I live in jersey channel islands and this place is rather unique when it comes to meeting quality men. New person that you meet is either known to somebody else or it honestly takes one call to a friend ro find out more about them. Its not that i would judge them based on this info but you are more careful to be volnurable with them.Do they deserve to hear your story ? Believe that you have no options can get in the way sometimes also .

for women who grew up "surrounded" by red flags, or were in relationships where there was a growing amount of red flags, having red flags is not a big deal. They overlook them later in life as you would overlook a dark cloud in London.. Really not a something to worry much about. Sad but true. They also may not want to be "judgemental" if they were harshly judged by others and they really like the guy. Or if they are lonely and like the guy. They ignore red flags and not question the guy. They go with how they feel instead of what the head may be saying.

Victoria Lutskovsky I think you are right that we will often accept patterns from our past because we have unconsciously encoded them as love or at least acceptable. 🙏

Nimfa Bangay Well congrats! 🙏

Hope you're staying warm!

@@thejackbutler in the minus 40s

Hey Catia, glad you loved it 🙏- you're welcome to DM me on insta - instagram.com/realjackbutler

Thank you, I will 🙏

Cátia Sofia Great ⭐️

jay hulrs Awesome, thanks for that

I think it's okay to have different realizations in different seasons. Truth often refines itself over time and life is a dynamic unfolding.

@@thejackbutler Wow! That is such profound insights. I needed to read this for clarity in my personal journey. Much love Jack!

@@eeyeltee Yay 🙏

🙏🙏

Ella pizon Sounds like he is game-playing to me! If he knows you want a commitment, but keeps stopping that (and blocking you on social media!), then he is not giving you what you want, and is, in my opinion, messing you around. How many chances are you gonna give him? There are many people 'out there', and there may be one that would be what you're looking for, but while you are giving attention to the person who it seems is playing games, you may miss out on somebody who will give you respect and commitment.

@@Amyehme many times since i discover his betrayal last june 2018, november 2018 he is trying to win me back because the girl he used to flirt distant to him and back to her ex boyfriend and get married this june 2019

Thank you 🙏

Virginia Johnson Realtor/Broker RE/Max Gold Coast Thanks Virginia! Things which may support a guy claiming you - letting romantic connections with other guys go, giving him a clear green light, relaxing your masculine energy - let him do things for you, lead etc., working on trust issues - is that helpful?

Hey Sal! Glad you are enjoying the channel! Thanks for the share. I would really encourage you to trust yourself. If needs be get quiet and give yourself a good listening to! You'll know if you're feeling over stretched or just trust that if you need to make an adjustment, you can make it when you need to?

Sorry you've had a confusing experience. Sounds like you're wanting to receive more in relationship - that can be worked from your side and through having a partner that wants to give

@@thejackbutler thank you. The prob is there are no good men in Orange County. They are all boys and lots of desperate women here who settle. Think I just need to save money and move ASAP. Hahaha

@@tugzsurf If you move, I would do it because you feel more aligned/alive somewhere, not for the perceived quality of men. Within Orange, LA and nearby counties, you have what 10M+ men (more than most small European countries!), so you will likely have plenty of all types?

Ha! It's quite the upgrade from how it was when I was living here lol - kind of like when you leave school and then they get the cool computer equipment :)

Ice Blue I think stage gaps are more problematic than age gaps - ie, where the way of life you’re wanting is too different to work (like one person working FT and one person retired) The other thing is to discern if a guy is really available for partnership which again isn’t really an age thing. Take your time!

RollingPanda Sorry, that sounds hard and confusing 😔 Ideally you don’t want to be trying to persuade him that he wants this. How about going fully no contact then agreeing to a meeting on the other side?

@@thejackbutlerI agree... I think that's my only sensible course of action.

RollingPanda If you do, maybe get a friend or two enrolled to support you?

@@thejackbutler yes my friends are aware of the struggle. I'm trying to start a new role with work, get an art exhibition happening and focus on me so I have plenty to do. He's overthinking and will rationalise everything....until he's got nothing left. Analyst by trade, analyst by nature. I'm going to let him go, go find my opportunity and leave a door open.

@@thejackbutler enjoy the UK. My sister in Manchester tells me the weather's been bad.

Thanks for reflecting that (no offence taken ha) - all my private client coaching work is over phone/whatsapp so it's in use there. And I am open to doing more voiceovers or audio products for sure. :)

Awesome Sonya, thank you :)

Hey M! Yes, that's right from US to UK. You can read a bit more of my story here: www.jackbutler.com I may do a bit more of an intro video sometime, thanks for the suggestion 🙏 Short answers - I have been interested in personal development since I was a kid and I have always worked in human development. During my 20s it was with teens and young people. I started coaching FT 6-7 years ago and the relationship piece kinda found me through what people wanted help with and after my own difficult experiences of relationship. I have always loved doing videos and have put them out for several years but earlier this year decided to take it more seriously. J :)

@@thejackbutler thanks for the reply! Really appreciate that you put so much effort in giving personal answers!👍

@@user-bj2lu9qt3o Thank you! I really enjoy how people engage here and it means a lot to me that I get to share the things that feel meaningful to share without having to dumb down. Enjoy Germany!

🙏

Thank you!

Hey! Is that a general question or with a specific guy in mind? At some level, everyone will come with flaws, so you may want to be with someone whose flaws you can be with. (There may be work for you in being with someone's flaws?)

Would be more interested in your intuition than mine!

Love is a GREAT LIFE TIME of MENTAL EMOTIONAL & physical EFFORTS as A TEAM. MANY RESPONSIBILITIES develop. Housing EXPENSES. BILLS have to be PAID on TIME. SOME PERSONS have to remind each other & NOT BLAME the female. House or Apartment CHORES have to be SCHEDULED he is EXPECTED to DO his SHARE 1/2 of duties. No LAZINESS allowed. Unless he Can hire some person to COME IN TO Manage All that RESPONSIBILITIES weekly?? He is NOT made of money. He s getting disability. Can t WORK. Can't connect with TIME & days/dates. That is borderline personality disorder/ADHDisorder etc. acts like a adolesant teen boy. He is 30yrs.young.

Sounds like you have your answer. Are you able to move on?

Hey Diana, thanks for sharing. You're not hopeless - you just may have to learn how to really do no contact. When a guy really loves you and gets his impact on you, he may learn not to do what's happening - disappearing then coming back. Have you blocked him so that he can't actually contact you? 🙏

Or maybe 'Cotton clear' - sensitive but true!

Sounds like you saying you want to dial in your discernment more?

I think it does. I'm in a LDR yet I can see all the points

Yes, I think it does. In some ways, these things can be more important in LDR as there are fewer needs being met day to day.

Hope that clarity is helpful if hard 🙏

Vivian Vennicia Sounds like clarity!

@@thejackbutler Lol. They publicly chose someone else and then got mad that I am trying to move on. I don't know all the full story what was true and what was not. I don't know what they wanted or if they were even who they said they are. I do not expect to ever have any clarity. The best I can do is keep it moving. What are your thoughts on hypergamy?

Hope you get more of what you're looking for 🙏