0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize. Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube

My uncle. He was able to retire early as a multimillionare and everyone thought he was stuck up and cruel because he wouldn't let family drain his money (my family has a long history of gambling so it makes sense to me why he didn't "help"). He had a decent house in a reasonably priced state, and I admired his frugality and his money management. Unfortunately he passed suddenly just as I was getting on my own financial journey. Otherwise I would have wanted to learn as much as I could from him. He tried to tell me about Roth IRA and investments when I was 12 and 13 but I blocked it out. I was always taught money was supposed to be spent so it was very difficult for me to understand why I would save and put it into the stock market when I heard that it was a risk. It made more sense in my mind to spend on enjoyment instead of "throwing it away" lol. I hope wherever he is, he's proud of where I am headed financially.

I am addicted to this content! I love the bravery of the couples.

This was a reality check for me. My partner & I do this a lot.. we take pot shots towards each other as a defense mechanism in the attempt to be right. We've been though a lot in our 10 years together... somethings that most marriages would never survive. Watching these are helping me reframe how I communicate with my partner & breaking the negative patterns.

Kevin is a good husband, truly loves his wfe. Despite all his faults he showed up to discuss and expose their lives for the rest of us to learn. Honest and direct talk! Kudos I say!

THANK YOU for calling out the insults masquerading as jokes. So many people normalize this but it’s so aggressive to the people we are supposed to love and value the most. Why break eachother down instead of lifting up? Totally valid to be constructively critical for the benefit of shared goals, but demeaning jokes are just unkind and breeds so much resentment.

It’s really frustrating in these conversations that it is always put on the stressed out person to come up with solutions or ways for their partner to step up. It puts EVEN more of the mental and emotional load on them. Rather than Kevin asking what he could do to help Ebony, it would be so much nicer if the prompt Ramit asked Kevin to suggest a few ways to lighten Ebony’s load.

It was nice to see Ramit apologize because I was kinda I shocked how out of character he got. I’ve been reading his book and promoting it to all my family & friends. Watching all of his interviews on KZfaq. As we sit down to watch it, and hear his tone during some parts, there was a little bit of an uncomfortable feeling also because we rarely see black people on his podcast and when we do…it was uncomfortable. Me & my husband thought about reaching out because we really love Ramit and all he teaches but exposing your financial issues online is on a different level of boldness so we applaud this couple for their willingness to get out there and receive advice/help. Definitely not for everyone.

This couple is a living example of the systemic problems some communities live with. Is harder to move in the socioeconomic ladder. Taking care of family members kids for years...

I respect Ebony wanting to stay in a job that she finally liked and wasn't toxic. Your mental health is just as important as your financial health. I don't know that getting another job where she made more money would actually 'solve a lot of problems'. Especially if the money managing dynamic remains the same. I don't remember what Kevin does for a living, but I'm surprised that it wasn't suggested that he help add to his income. Wishing them the best and hoping for continued teamwork and love for them both.

one of the things ebony said really struck me. she said she's never been able to negotiate [better salaries] because she was always running away from a [toxic] job. i've experienced a little bit of the same thing. it's hard to remember that you CAN/SHOULD STILL negotiate, even when making a move essentially based on emotional/mental wellbeing, while hoping you're not jumping from the pot to the frying pan.

Kevin and Ebony are another courageous and devoted couple. They would not expose themselves publicly in this way if they were not a committed couple. I see so many couples do the “sniping” thing and it’s so destructive. If a partner loves you AND you can tell them EXACTLY what you want, they will look for a way to help you get what you want. Sometimes we need someone to call us on out hard on our repeated behavior. This episode had me emotional and brought me to tears…I feel compassion for both Kevin and Ebony and want them to live their rich life. You gave them such great guidance…you’re beyond a financial counselor…beautiful to watch. The Gottman Method is very helpful for long term couples to get back to loving communication. Please have them back in a year Ramit. This couple is awesome. I wish them all the best.💜💜

1.00.34 thanks Ramit for apologizing to the couple for berating them like teenagers. What most of your guests project in these interviews is complex - a combination of shame at where they are with their finances, and for older couples, embarrassment that they have to turn to someone young enough to be their child for help. Also, fear at what the future holds if nothing changes coupled with immense vulnerability for laying bear their finances for the whole world including their family and friends to see and judge. So go easy on them when they get on your nerves.

I have litteraly no example of people in my immediate circle who display good money management skills or even are in a enviable financial situation 🥴 that's why I follow this podcast and look online for financial guidance and inspiration🤷🏻‍♀️.

I really appreciate the way you step in when couples start to get combative or bad talk each other. You do it in a way that almost awakens them to their reality of why they are where they are. And you do it in a very direct and professional way, I like it!

I like Dave Ramsey and his no debt approach. But I like how Ramit’s plan has a space for guilt free spending, even when you are trying to pay off debt.

Honestly, I had no financial role models until I discovered Ramit. Everything my parents taught me about money growing up was about penny pinching. I was raised to fear money. It wasn't until my late twenties that I realized I was actually curious to learn how money works. I read a handful of books, including I Will Teach You to Be Rich, and it quickly dawned on me that after only a few hours spent reading, I suddenly knew more about money in a weekend than my parents ever learned. It was frustrating yet liberating at the same time.

This is a really fascinating episode. I get Ebony, honestly; she was traumatized by living poor and being surrounded by even worse poverty; poverty that all things considered, she was not necessarily that far away from; as many say, most people are one major emergency away from homelessness (my partner is a social worker who works with this population; it's no joke how easily it can happen when you're not starting out with much) and with all the debt they're in, I can understand why she is afraid that that could still happen to her even if their financial foundation is much stronger than she's willing to put faith into. So having a tight control over the finances is a way to cope with that fear; if you know exactly how everything is going, you can't be afraid it's about to happen to you. But, speaking from experience, having a tight control over your finances doesn't mean you're doing the right things or setting yourself up for success. Doesn't mean you're horrifically messing up, it's just not the answer to the problem when the problem isn't _just_ a lack of insight as to where it's all going. You need to be able to unclench, step back, eat a slice of humble pie, and try to set up systems for yourself so you can make decisions that are more in line with what you want to be your priorities, rather than what you've been _prioritizing_ unconsciously. It also doesn't help that when you're used to taking control, you disempower your partner to take it from you when you don't want it, and then you don't trust them enough to pleasantly surprise you with their approach. Ask me how I know 🤦

What a sweet, relatable couple. I like they can laugh with each other. I wish them lots of success and hope we get another update ❤️

I can definitely relate to her when she mentioned taking a pay cut just for peace at work. Sometimes it is more important to have a healthy work life more than money. I'd just get a second just that get's the job done vs losing the one I like and risking getting into a place that I hate again.

I applaud them for their transparency and efforts to not be what they experienced in childhood. We don’t know what we don’t know. They have worked to do but they are seeking the help and that’s commendable.

Ebony was me 5 years ago. Wondering why I felt that everything was on my shoulders when in reality it was me trying to control everything because I didn’t think my husband knew how to do it right and we got into debt we were overwhelmed and we couldn’t talk about money because I had a wrong money mentality even though I thought I was the smartest one in the room lol 😂

I am glad you called out the sniping, Ramit! I can definitely see how resentment built up over time can manifest this way, but it is not productive or constructive. I always admire your skill at holding a mirror up so people become aware of their own behaviour and thought patterns, but not making them feel judged or defensive about it. Great job as always.

I love how Ramit held both of them accountable. They both frustrated me. The husband really seemed unbothered it’s like she is telling him the house on fire and her husband is just like it’s ok, the fire department is on its way, they will handle it. She also is very overbearing and controlling so I can see why he may have chosen not to contribute more and chooses not to participate in difficult conversations. Them treating each other better will ultimately give both parties what they want

What a nice couple. Smart and good looking solid family. Fingers crossed they’ll make it.

I can’t say I have anyone that I admire because the truth is a lot people don’t talk about money, so if it’s not an immediate family member then I don’t know anything more than what’s on the surface. Ps. Just want to say thank you to the couples that come on this show. It’s so brave to put your issues out there. Just know based on the number of views you are definitely not alone. There’s a reason so many people are watching. We can all relate!

I am watching this with my husband. We are Ebony and Kevin is eerily similar ways. I am even an attorney who is in counseling for my issues. My husband is soooo much like Kevin. Except we are 10 years old. Yikes. I thank this couple for being transparent and candid. They will help so many people.

She’s been a lawyer for 20+ years and isn’t even making $100K?????? Why??????

No need to apologize Ramit! I think the direct pattern interrupts were exactly what was necessary. Kevin even said he was surprised how patient you were. Awesome episode, glad this couple had a big breakthrough

My Dad is the person I admire the most for the way he treats money. I do things similarly to him by observation. He built a secure financial footing for the family and now my parents have retired financially secure and able to help their children and grandchildren if unavoidable events happen. It's one thing I don't have to worry about - the financial safety of my parents.

@Ramit - thanks for this great episode. Kevin/Ebony - I really admire you both for coming on and sharing your challenges. What an incredible example you are to us all; showing us that we can change despite having deep rooted beliefs for such a long time. I'm sure that in the near future your kid will look at you both with wide-reaching love and admiration for the tough decisions you were willing to make in order to build a more secure financial footing for your family. Ebony - my very sincere wish is that you are able to take the Dream Job course. I did it 10 years ago and it is brilliant. Life-changing, in fact. Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

I'm glad the sniping was called out. I know it can happen in every family, but I see it in the black community a lot, and it's played for comedy in our media. It's never really that "cute" in real life. I admire Scarlett Cochran. She's a youtuber, with a channel called One Big Happy Life. She has a no-shame, positive attitude towards money. She helped me get out of the Dave Ramsey style of self-immolation and to a more balanced way of goal setting where I would end up ahead, and in a better mental space.

Surprised by my answer, but? My father. At the top of his income-earning years, he made a fraction of my salary and has bigger liquid savings than I've ever had. Don't know how he does it. BTW: the job dynamic that the wife describes? Explains so MUCH about how she is in this video. Her competency, her in-her-head spinning, her tit-for-tat: this is a woman used to being under siege without cover or protection. From childhood, she's been firing from the trenches, warding off the fear of falling/financial poverty. She's achieved, but? Still running. Sheesh. This is so real for some 1stGen "successes;" it comes at a price.

Stop helping people when you're broke yourself. Best thing to do for someone is to help them get a job.

I was a little disappointed in this episode. This was an excellent example of weaponized incompetence, which appears to have been overlooked because Kevin was so "nice." Exploiting someone else's labor isn't fixed by being really sweet and appreciative about it. Maybe some gender blindness here.

Love to see a new episode! I'm watching in Norway and it would be cool to see somebody from europe on your channel. I think it can be hard to relate sometimes, since american economic and social picture is so different. Still very interesting and educational, though👍

Mannnmm ya’ll don’t need a divorce. A great couple. You guys can do it. Keep seeking help. Ya’ll got this!

My super boss, older cousin. He is a successful entrepreneur, who started out with one vending machine in his late 20s, stayed the course, built up his capital, and expanded into intentional business investments to include passive income opportunities. Now, he is a multi-millionaire, mostly retired - he still has some ideas :) - He is generous with his knowledge, always open to discussing his ups and downs and lessons learned. As someone ready to build my own business, I take all of his advice to heart and marvel at his ability to fund and live! His rich life. Te Amo Primo

I did not have any mentors in my immediate circle that influenced me about money. I started investing in my 401K in my early 20s because the CFO at the company I worked at said to. I bought a condo at 25 because it felt like the right thing at the time. Then I started reading, The Millionaire Next Door, Suze Orman, Money magazine, Kiplinger's. It was like I fell down a rabbit hole and just went full steam ahead. Personal financial literacy gives you power.

Someone that I think of that treats money right is my friend Danielle and her husband Justin. The little information that she has shared is what led me to look for how to manage our money better.

My second oldest brother is one of the people I admire for how he manages money. He has always been disciplined and balanced financial security with having fun with a portion of the money.

Hi Ramit! Found your channel 2-3 months ago. I've also read your book. Since then I've started investing in index funds every month, and have my finances almost 100% automated. I'mI still at a fairly low income, but no debt. I've also started watching several other finan ial channels and learned a lot. Thanks for helping so many people improve their financial lives.

I don’t have any financial role models. I’m trying to learn as much as I can so u can have some financial knowledge to pass on to my children.

One of the best episodes! Thank you Ebody and Kevin for sharing your experience!

Such a lovely couple. Sometimes advice & realization is best delivered by an outside perspective.

I think that my Dad had a good financial sense but he passed away before he could sit me down and teach me how to live a smart financial life. Now I've been playing catch-up in my early 40's as I'm finally seeing the whole picture.

I really admired my deceased teacher. He had a lot of family responsibilities. But he made sure that he gave a comfortable life to everyone. He taught me that no matter how much you earn, always save something, even if it's a few cents. It's the habit that matters. I took his advice to heart. I come from a family where I have seen my parents make bad financial decisions and losing a lot of money and always counting pennies. So I am glad that I had someone to look else up to.

My dad and a few female mentors at my work. We spoke about finances, investing, retirement and paying off houses. So much love and respect to all of them. ❤ This was a great discussion.

I love this episode and this couple a lot! They are clearly in love with each other and will do their best to improve their situation. I wish them success! Can't wait to get their follow up in a year or so from now. Thanks Ebony and Kevin❤

I can look up to my Dad. He's never lived above his means. He's 77 and still lives this way.

Thank you for another amazing episode! I was blown away when you said most people think logging in and paying bills is personal finance, you've mentioned it before and many guests have talked about paying bills, but it never clicked for me that people really believed that's what it meant to be good at personal finance. So crazy! I really hope you can do an episode with people who are fantastic with money and show us the ideal to reach for.

Good evening Sir, thank you for doing this program, they're so educational. As a child, we were never thought, about money. We were raised by a single mom, and the only thing she would say to us, you must save your money, don't buy anything unless it is absolutely necessary.!! Having say that my mother was an elementary school principal, and she was exceptionally Amazing, with her money. With a salary of $200.00 dollars, she supported five of us, we were all in private schools, and my mom, also build our house with us. Do she Always was my, hero, and continues to be my hero. I want to be as savvy, and as smart with my money, like my mom was. Unfortunately, we lost her to cancer, two years ago.

This was one of your best work!

I admire the way my grandparents have saved their money. They would use the money from a sale, reinvest a portion in the business, save most, and live off the rest. They became millionaires.

This was such a great episode! Thanks so much for sharing.

Loved this!! They ended the conversation on the same page.

Interesting episode. I look up to my Grandmother monetarily. She was a VP back when women weren’t and years after my grandfather died she still had money to live on her own and take amazing annual trips with her other widowed friend all around the world.

Great episode! I would love for them to come back and do a follow up

Best episode yet!

So much learned helplessness from this couple. Neither of them are willing to step up, be direct, and get it done.

This is a beautiful episode. Great job Ramit

This was a great episode. For any couples or future couples reading this, please make sure the both of you are discussing your finances. In my line of work, deal with people trying to cancel a contract that sometimes deal with death. I have had multiple cases where the surviving spouse is already grieving and then they are dealing with trying to figure out the finances because the deceased spouse was handling everything. They find out hard truths about debt they didn't know they had etc. Its sad to hear sometimes and a lot of times they don't even leave a life insurance policy. This is an eye opener for my family as well to continue talking about finances and understanding where you are.

1:14:44 love this so much!! This couple is inspiring!

Great episode! So real!

Me! I admire the way that I treat money.

If one's spouse's who have constantly repeating financial problems should be evaluated for ADHD. Making money mistakes and ignoring money planning are very common in people with ADHD. This pattern is all to familiar to me and my husband has ADHD.

I'm proud of them. But Ramit was right, it was hard to watch this. So many Black men are like Kevin...speaking from my personal experience having to divorce 2, husbands (and my dating life between husbands). The only difference is I never had a problem asking for help, having meetings, and stating my specific needs...the partners I chose couldn't hear me...just like Kevin couldn't hear Ebony. I hope Kevin steps up and removes things from Ebony's plate and also gets himself a higher paying job. It appears that a ton of the financial earring power fell on Ebony. Many blessings to them both🙏🏼.

The performance at 35:16 was fantastic, that's Academy Award worthy for sure.

The "what I would do" part was helpful, thank you.

She reminds me of my aunt in looks, vocal tone, demeanor, and honesty. Even their laughs are the same. It's uncanny. Let me call my auntie lol.

Very inspiring, thx Remit

Oprah! I love what she does with her money! She lives the good life, she's spiritually aligned and she gives very generously.

This was an amazing episode with many twists and turns. The couple bravely unpeeled the onion to tap into deeper truths and the behavior that was harming or helping. Ramit, the consummate professional, helped them with kindness and humor. I was yelling at the screen when they revealed their plan for spending their windfall. So glad they heard Ramit’s suggestions. Love this podcast!❤

Ramit, it's you who I think about when I think about money, but it's also my parents and extended family whose patterns I see. This podcast has taught me so much. I've been listening to it since day one, and the first concept I learned was "dynamic/a relationship dynamic." I knew it intuitively but labeling the concept made it concrete and something that I could talk about. It made it possible for me to describe the dynamic my parents had with each other while I was growing up, it allowed me to describe the dynamic I had with my mom and then subsequently with my partner. From the very beginning, I took on the role my mom had, and I've been trying to change the toxic dynamic ever since. I'm making slow progress little by little, but it's damn hard to undo all the automatic reactions that you've learned from your parents. The conscious spending plan - the percentages and four simple categories make it easy to understand where my money is going. You talking about the real estate myths and dreams rings very close to home: fearing of being priced out, feeling like a loser if I don't own an apartment while my cousins own multiple investment properties and their own homes. But at the same time, I'm extremely proud of myself for knowing my numbers and growing my index fund portfolio monthly.

Interesting episode, 3 of my money models are Morgan Housel, William Green and Gautam Baid.

amazing episode. this is going to hep some folks.

When it comes to money management I admire you.. and Dave Ramsey

Wow, I can really relate to this couple.

I look up to my aunt, financially, and my maternal grandparents. They did their best to discuss real estate investment, interest-bearing savings accounts for retirement, and pensions (although rare these days).

Oh my you two are so sweet ❤❤❤ I hope you work out the finances because not everyone has the love you two share ❤

The Godmother of Personal Finance - Suze Orman! I began watching her show as a college student.

Hes being WAY harder on this couple than other couples with much crazier stuff going on. Yikes.

I would have to say that I admire the way my parents treat money. They did not start with much but now have enough to provide my wife and me with downpayment help on a house without jeopardizing their future. I want to reach the point that they have gotten to money wise

I feel so sorry for her. She is so stressed and frustrated from their current state.

This is so so so so so SOOOOO good! 36:00. Ramit could be a relationship expert at this point hahaha

Hi Ramit. Do you coach one on one? I am camera shy but have sooo many rich life questions. 😮 Love what you do

1:02:13 I admire the way my husband treats money. Iv learned so much from him over the past 15 years.

I admire my Aunt Lucy and Uncle how they invest and work together as a team when it comes to money.

I’m a 67 yr old man and seeing these two (especially Kevin) open up to each other. Coming to realize what she needed brought me to tears. I love this episode!

Being rich vs. wealthy If you’re rich, you have a high current income. But being wealthy is something different - wealth is not visible. It’s the money that you have that’s not spent. It’s the optionality to buy or do something at a future time. Being rich offers you opportunities in the short-term, but being wealthy provides you the flexibility of having more of the items you want - freedom, time, possessions - in the future. Read Morgan Housel's The Psychology of Money

what a wonderful couples, i'm sure they can work that out. Good luck to you both and don't get divorce, cuz you're aint going to find anything better than what you have for years together.

I wish that couple most of love, patience and dicsipline to go through all their trials❤

You are that person for me sir

39:03 she can come up with the 100k she's paid to support his family, but she has to do the math on what she owes. the thing about mental math is the stuff you didn't want to pay for were absorbitant, but the stuff you want gets a magical discount.

I can relate to this couple. My spouse and I are very similar.

My older sister. On the outside she’s a 30 year old middle school teacher still living at home with our parents. Idk the exact details of her finances but I know she’s diligent about paying herself first, saving, and cutting costs of trivial things so she can spend lavishly on her interests. She loves cruises, unique restaurants, and spoiling our little brother and parents with thoughtful gifts.

You were way too hard on Ebony. I understand why she takes on the role. Cause her hubby just couldn't be bothered....not that he isn't capable...it's just that he doesn't care enough.

Ebony sounds very resentful of Kevin.

Who I admire how they treat money. My cousin Pat and you Ramit

Kevin is a good guy. Here's a thing though... Having a laid back partner who has faith in their partner and leaves it all up to them makes that partner feel like they have a dependant child and not a partner to help with the responsibilities. V